What do men have to offer? Commitment.

What do women have to offer? Sex.

So you have two people sitting at a table ready to make a trade. Both people are at risk of losing out in the trade. Both people are taking a leap of faith when they make the trade. If a man gives me commitment and I turn out to be a terrible partner, he has lost out. If I give a man sex and he turns out to be a terrible partner, I lose out.

Who has to take the bigger risk? The man or the woman? And why are you suggesting that it should be the man?

You’re confusing redpill ideology with female dating strategy (which focuses on maximizing female benefit).

A man, even a good traditional man, might not want to commit until he knows that I’m sexually compatible with him. After all, so many men end up in dead bedrooms stuck supporting a wife who won’t even look at him sexually. And if he divorces her, it’s a disaster.

So why are men the ones who should take that risk so that women don’t have to take the risk?

At the same time, it’s obviously stupid to sleep with a man on the first date if you’re trying to live a traditional lifestyle.

But there’s a middle ground. A man can give a little commitment without signing a marriage certificate and a woman can be sexual without signing a marriage certificate. That’s how I did it with my husband. We had sex before marriage but by that point we had been dating for a while and he offered me enough commitment to show me he was serious. And once we had sex for a while that gave him the security and reassurance to feel more comfortable marrying me.

I think the confusion comes from having a wide variety of women with differing goals for their relationships. I think the only thing that really groups us together is the aim of having a male-led relationship with a High Value Man (which for each individual, what either thing looks like is going to differ). In addition, while there are a lot of women on here searching for traditional relationships, I wouldn't necessarily say RPW is traditional in and of itself. The goal is to look at the dating market as it is, and men as they are, and try to use feminine ways to get the most out of it. That being said, RPW initially started as a subreddit for women who are already in relationships to level-up as wives/girlfriends, so I definitely think the dating advice can be especially nonuniform.

The culture that each woman dates in makes giving uniform advice difficult as well. If you're from a very religious culture, not sleeping together before commitment is fabulous advice. For those of us just dating among the general populace, it's probably not going to work out well in a culture where sex is more freely available. The same goes for 50/50. And while some of the women here want to be SAHW/SAHMs there are plenty who don't as well, and if the man in question fits her definition of High Value then it's silly to insist that she dump him because he doesn't want to pay for every outing.

Also, realistically, not every woman is going to get the 100% perfect guy. I'm sure most men would love to have sex exclusively with models, but most are going to have to lower their standards based on their own 'value' in the dating market, and also their situation. Like a post recently said, if you're a farm girl who works on a ranch all the time, you're probably not going to come across many guys making seven figures, so you have to look at the pool you're in as well.

So, TL;DR: Some women here want a very traditional relationship, some don't. The thing that unites us is that we all want a man that we consider 'High Value', and RP is focused on leveling up so that the individual can get the best she can.

But this is just my POV. I'm curious to read the responses from other people. Maybe my thoughts are off-base.

The idea of "taking the red pill" is more about acknowledging the psychological differences in men vs women, rather than being a 1920s housewife. This does lead to a more traditional mindset when it comes to gender roles, but you can apply the ideas of gender differences no matter your world views. There are many feminists and liberals here, although many of the posters are conservative or religious.

I'd like to know where you saw advice on the sub that encouraged women to act as door mats? That hasn't really been my experience and I'm curious what you think.

I’m not sure where you’re getting the encouragement of being a door mat from, I’d argue most of the advice on here tells women properly vet so they’re not putting up with crappy behavior from men. I also think a lot of people come to this sub now thinking we’re advocating for this bizzaro trend that’s arisen as of late where women are essentially shamelessly looking for men to bank roll their entire lifestyle (calling themselves housewives) paying for every date, every whim, their shopping addictions all while doing nothing until return and saying they deserve it because they’re ‘queens’. A lot of women I’ve noticed lately have been coming here asking how they can find a ‘traditional man’ when what they mean is ‘a man that will pay for everything because I don’t want to’. These are not the same thing, and a good chunk of RPW is about accepting our roles and duties in our relationships, especially when seeking long term commitment in the way of marriage.

I’d encourage you to read the sidebar material more thoroughly.

Others will likely say this more eloquently, but ultimately: RPW is a toolbox. There is no “one true RPW” and while a lot of traditional relationships might be more RP, RP is not, in and of itself, traditional.

It’s about recognizing the very real differences between men and women and working with that to achieve the results we want. It’s about using your tools as a woman to find, create, and hold onto the best relationship you can get. It’s about personal accountability and taking ownership of what you can control, rather than worrying about what you can’t.

I agree. If you're looking for a community that acknowledges differences but builds one another up in the process and supports the dignity of both men and women, check out Catholic teachings on the topic. Catholicism may not be your cup of tea, but these teachings could appeal to you, anyway! Google/YouTube "Theology of the Body." FASCINATING, true and deeply fulfilling. Cheers!

Your understanding may benefit from reading about pre-commitment and post-commitment risk.

Yes, RP is definitely pro committed relationships and not having sex outside of a committed/exclusive relationship and a lot would even say not outside of a marriage.

What do you mean by 50/50? We believe both women are men are equally valuable and create a “balance”. The difference is what you actually provide as your contribution to the relationship.

If you’re talking about paying 50/50 during the early dating stage I do personally advocate that you offer that IF you can afford it. Here’s why: modernized or non RP women tend to have the motto “my money is my money and his money is my money” aka “I have a great job and make a good salary but that’s MY MONEY and I want a guy who pays for everything for me”. That’s not traditional or redpill. That’s a modern ideal that often leads to resentment and divorce. I’m not saying don’t let him pay, all I’m saying is it’s important to differentiate yourself from the women that are just here for a free meal which happens all the time. You are not entitled to someone else’s money because you are a female. You are not entitled to someone else’s money because you have sex with them. That’s prostitution.

A RPW puts her relationship first. She puts her man first (above herself) and her family. A lot of women LOVE the idea of a traditional man who pays for everything but that’s as far as they get into RP. When you ask them what do you provide for your relationship and to your man in exchange for his contribution then it’s like “oh”. They didn’t get to that part. They just saw “traditional man who pays for everything” and they jumped in. You may get that for a while if he’s getting sex or whatever, but you’re not going to get a proposal.

I only just recently returned to this sub after a year, so not sure if it’s still moderated the same way. A lot of commentators to RPW are new and don’t fully grasp the concepts. To be fair, it took me more than 2 years, reading nearly all threads on this sub and books, then comparing with my experiences to understand it.

Definitely the things you’ve listed are not really encouraged but then it’s a general list, sometimes there if there is context this would not apply. Those who are more seasoned on the sub / have written thoughtful comments before are flaired to differentiate their understanding of RPW (not sure if this has changed in the year I’ve been away).

Many RPW come from all walks of life, including feminists, those with a stay at home husband etc. I myself am a highly charged career woman kind of person. We all take what we can from RPW and tailor it to suit our own lifestyles and decisions. So I know some elements of RPW might not be for me, or I might have to use it less. For example, I picked a partner who is traditional in some areas, but admires ambition and doesn’t ever want me to be a SAMH / would move with me for my career if need be.

To sift out all the information you could start by reading the Wiki on the sidebar, as well as the book Surrended Single and other recommended readings.

Edit: also wanted to add it’s an ongoing process of learning. For example, I’ve gotten really good at Vetting men, building up my RMV/SMV and understanding what I bring to the table in a relationship. But now that I’m in my first LTR where I’m applying RPW strategies, I’m still learning to be a good partner and to maintain that commitment, so sometimes I take advice from more experienced ladies at r/RedPillWives

Right that’s why I don’t understand this sub honestly. How can some of these women be rp but they are having sex with whomever and doing whatever…? I thought redpill women was about having structure, integrity and morality in our lives that leads to our future benefit.