So a couple of random thoughts.

A. There is such a thing as being “too supportive”. A (female) friend of mine told me that her (serial entrepreneur) husband told her that once. She was bringing home a steady paycheck while he worked on his latest project (he does do fairly well, but it can be feast/famine). Anyway, FYI.

B. I assume you respect him as a leader. Assuming so, tell him that, when you come home, you want him to make decisions/be the boss. First, I find that women who have responsibilities jobs actually want this. Second, it may make him feel needed, which men need to feel.

Good luck.

Praise - positive comments when you come home and he has done anything even if it isn’t much. That positivity will hopefully build and he will be self encouraged to do more at home that you can praise him for.

Ask him for things he can only do.

Tell him what you want and have him do the laborious research.

Such as obtaining hiking equipment for your family. A kid carrier to go on trails. Researching where to go for said family outing. Encouraging him and praising him for researching and preparing for said family outing.

If you have a back yard. And he is handy. Asking him to design, build, or purchase for him to construct a swing set/home jungle for your child for the back yard. And again praising his hard work and determination to the family.

Edit: come home and take over for him and encourage him to go the gym. Encouraging him to work out will increase his testosterone and endorphins. This will clear his head. Give him confidence and give you the ability to comment on his physique as he gains muscle.

You may need to switch up more of your dynamic to make him feel like he gains back some of the "power" that he lost by giving up an income.

If I were in your shoes, I would, at least temporarily, stop asking him to do things. It may be reinforcing the feeling that you are in charge and are delegating tasks to him. And conversely, I'd be quick to respond to anything he asked of me.

This is potentially controversial, but I'd also take a hard look at who manages the finances and if there's an easy way to make a slight shift there more towards the dynamic that you want. Maybe ask him before you spend money on certain types of things. Or treat your paycheck like you're bringing him money for him to oversee.

Overall, I think you'll see more success by treating him as if he's already that strong, assertive man you say he used to be than by trying to cajole him that you don't see him any differently.

We had this situation for about 3.5 years when our twins were little because I was a higher earner at the time (meanwhile I scaled way back for family purposes and he took the lead financially) and he was a SAHD because we couldnt imagine our kids go to daycare with strangers at such a young age. He was doing - and still does - a great job around the house and I often reaffirmed that it was temporary and for the greater good. He always managed the finances, bills and my cards because I am not cut for it, he made the decisions about big expenses, which new car to buy, he organized our trips, he ordered stuff online, he dealt with the landlord etc. I had full trust and I felt relieved I didnt have to deal with the whole shabang. It wasnt easy for him psychologically, I guess, but at the same time he made the most of it and still had the leading role in almost all aspects of our life.

I think you need to bring up how important what he's doing is, and how important it is that your child is with someone that's stable, and loves and cares for them, while they're young. Don't make his (past, present, or future) work feel meaningless. Never say things like "we could do without you" or even hint at it.

I have told him it doesn’t matter to me if he works a traditional job or not

That comes a little too close to "we don't need you"; rephrase stuff like that as much as you can to "we need you here because ___". "Even if you're not working a traditional job, you're taking care of <child's name>. Children need their fathers and in our modern world they often don't get enough time with them. This is an incredible opportunity for our child."

There's a tricky balance in relationships where the woman is better than the man at something important; and I think the key to that balance is really emphasising the things he's good at that you're not, and depending on him in other ways. Eg if he keeps you sane. If he gives you moral guidance. If he gives you hope for the future. If you rely on his leadership. Those things really fluff a man's ego up. And saying something like "I would never be able to work if you didn't _____. I depend on you."

I wrote a post as well on the topic of men deriving purpose from work, have a read.

I work in a high paying field, and my husband runs a small business that's in its very early stages. Most of what his business earns is funneled right back into the business to keep the growth going, and I'm the primary earner for our family. We're having a little girl imminently, and we talked about how to split things up once she gets here. We both agreed that it makes way more sense, given his time flexibility and earning potential at the moment, for him to take all home duties and many baby duties, so I can go back to work part time (but more hours part time than we were originally thinking) without trying to juggle everything and burning out. Every extra hour I can work at my job is financially more valuable right now than if he were to work those same hours. It also means that, for ever hour he unblocks for me to do work at my job, that's how much money we're pulling in together.

So, I can do home things while he works, and in that same time we collectively make his rate. Or, he can do home things while I work, and in that same time we collectively make my rate. It's not that either one of us is contributing more or less - we're in this together. We just need to pick which rate makes more sense at this juncture, and in our case, it's a no brainer.

He's taken over the house duties at the end of pregnancy and it's been a huge relief for me, since I'm so tired these days. Not an ounce of manliness lost tho - and I think part of that is that his house work is categorized under "being the provider (of food, clean clothes, dishes...) and taking care of family"; a very masculine role.

He runs a mixed martial arts gym, and training is one of his main hobbies too. I think that daily exposure to athletics, combat sports and brotherhood also help with masculine identity. He's aaaaaaall man, and that manliness includes saving his pregnant damsel at the moment, and in a few weeks, it'll include being the most badass dad any little girl could hope for :)

All this to say - I think reframing house work in terms of pay value by unblocking the working parent is valuable. A stay-at-home spouse is doing extremely valuable work, regardless of which spouse is doing it. Marriage is about dividing and conquering, but the couple shares the glory regardless of who took on which tasks. That's my two cents anyway.

I honestly think this is a very difficult dynamic to manage long term as I’ve seen men become resentful and feel emasculated, aside from some “modern” men who seem to get a kick out of being taken care of. As long as it’s short term, go for it. Don’t overcompensate and praise and give encouragement about every single he does because that seems like he’s a child. Talk about his day, what he did, admire his handwork. Keep your talk about finances as limited as possible.

there is so much a stay-at-home hub or wife can do to earn more money and/or stay active, even with a kid. help him figure out what he want to do, not what u want him to do but what really makes him “sing” and work towards that. challenge him to do something new/different everyday, it will bring excitement back into what most likely had become a but of a comfortable/mundane lifestyle for him.