You can try one of those Christian matrimonial apps. There's loads of them for all three Abrahamic religions. I tried a few of the Muslim ones before.

Don't be ashamed if you need to take meds. Or some herbal supplements. God helps those who help themselves. You may have a chemical imbalance that you can't regulate yourself. It could help you manage your emotional stability. Also if possible get some therapy for self worth insecurity. A lot of men don't care if you have some emotional issues as long as they're under control/you don't take it out on them or weaponize your feelings.

You're on the right path though. You know what you want and are surrounded by eligible men. You are taking the time to learn homemaking skills and know in what areas you need to improve. I think you're doing great for 20. Don't be so hard on yourself. Christian men are still men so while you are making your rmv higher make sure your smv is up to par too.

What do you mean by falling into sin for comfort? Is there a particular sin or vice you struggle with? SH, inappropriate social media use, promiscuity or seeking eternal validation, etc? Alcohol and drugs technically not a sin but will make your mental health worse.

Are you vetting or dating any of these men? You won't be around this many educated single Christian men out of school. Don't wait until your mental health is perfect to put yourself out there because you may miss out on a lot of opportunities that way. Just make sure you are able to have healthy boundaries and respect yourself though.

I guess I don’t understand the point of college debt with degrees that don’t pay the bills. If you were in college studying something in STEM and surrounded by tons of men who will go on to be successful in their careers. Yeah that is a great way to find a High Value man for sure. Lots of different stem fields at college have Christian clubs so that’s good to join.

You can study the Bible on your own. For free

You can rent a enormous amount of books from the library on theology and philosophy.

You can study the Bible with other women at groups/functions. For free

You can join building/faith journey missions through church to foreign lands.

You can go to church events where you meet women to discuss faith.

All of which gains you insight and knowledge, and amazing social skills from older, faithful, and hopefully successfully married women. Who often have sons, nephews, or in roads to find/suggest HVM they can drop a line to you once they see how faithful of a girl you are.

I guess as you can see I am concerned with your choices. How are your current choices bringing you closer to high value Christian men on a regular basis to mingle date and get the marriage goal post scored?

As reference me and my spouse were married at 20 and 23. Met each other through church and now 10+ years of happiness have gone by. Lots of work involved and hard ships for sure. But that is the hard path we chose. It’s easy to give up on your love. It’s a lot harder to do battle with your own weaknesses and self doubts. Conquer them and strengthen your three fold cord with yourself, husband, and God.

It sounds like you’re being quite hard on yourself. Many women struggle with mental illness - shifting hormones certainly don’t help. Some people develop a chemical imbalance that requires medication to fix. Lifestyle modifications like a good diet, supplements, and exercise can get you a long way, but for people with a biological deficiency in serotonin processing, you’re going to need medication to feel completely normal. And that’s okay! What’s not okay is not treating mental illness, which I see a lot of people do. As long as you take care of yourself, no one is going to hold a mental illness against you, especially a very manageable one.

As for wanting to be a wife and a SAHM, that’s fine too. It sounds like you’re intellectually curious, and that’s important for developing a relationship and being an interesting person. It’s fine if you don’t have a strong career drive. If you’re not in a relationship now, you might have some time before becoming a wife and mother, so it would be good to develop some practical skills so that you can work in the interim. Nursing/teaching require schooling, but you could always try nannying, as it’s great preparation for motherhood. Or take an active, paying role in the church, if you have skills for that. Writing or community organizing could also be options. I don’t know if you have the funds to strictly do volunteer work, but helping with charity is always needed (and some positions do pay).

First of all, your emotional state does not have to be the end-all be-all. Looking to God and prayer is a good start, but God gave us mental health resources for a reason. Even just talking with a therapist or looking into some sort of prescribed medication could help immensely. There is no shame in doing any of these things, and are much better than doing things that encourage "falling into sin for comfort" as you put it, which will just make your depression worse. That being said, I think plenty of men wouldn't hold your mental health against you as long as you are working on yourself and improving your issues. It will become a problem however, if you are not doing anything to fix it and instead relying on your partner for emotional comfort.

And I wouldn't let that hold you back from looking for a partner, because like another poster said, you have plenty of like-minded men around you more than you ever will in the future. College is the perfect time to look for a partner in my opinion, especially one where everyone arounds you holds the same beliefs and values. You should have no issues finding a man who wants the same things as you that you also find attractive, as long as you maintain your SMV and RMV to fit the type of man you want. Homemaking skills is a big part of that, so you're on the right track in that regard. But this also includes working on your mental health, which can cause your SMV/RMV to plummet drastically if you make bad choices as a result of it going unchecked for too long.

Good luck to you and God bless!

Every woman struggles. It can be hugely helpful reading about other devout women who have dealt with doubts / depression/ temptation. I find the lives of the saints inspiring but from your post I am guessing that you might not be catholic. Maybe your teachers can make some suggestions of female role models?

Exercise might help you to feel better in your body and reduce temptation. It might also help to make a list of comforts for those times when you need to indulge yourself a little but you don't want to do something you'll hate yourself for. Like maybe watching a silly TV show, listening to lighthearted music, eating chocolate, etc...

I (21F) just want to provide comfort for you because I was in the same boat of hating singleness and desiring to be a homemaker and wife. It was something I knew I wanted since I was a kid, but because I’m a pretty unique person, I figured it’d be impossible to find anyone who I could stand, let alone who could stand me. I can also be fairly analytical and nerdy. I like talking about theology, politics, childcare theory, and whatever else people will let me get my hands on in a conversation... It’s not the most “feminine” in traditional standings, but wisdom and intelligence is important for a woman to have, especially if bringing up children! God blessed you with a desire for learning, and it’s fantastic you’re focusing that on a biblical education.

Back in January 2021 I had another failed attempt at a talking stage (he decided he wanted this girl, who I presume was literally on meth), I swore off men and decided to be the single aunt that travels the world and isn’t tied down. I declared to God that I didn’t want a man.. That I was going to rely on no man but Him. I think it was in this stage that I stopped having marriage/child-rearing/boys as an idol and it was when God decided I was ready for more of his plan in my life. About 4 months later I met my current partner properly and we both knew we were getting married within a few weeks.

I also want to give comfort in your struggle with mental health. I also have depressive episodes. Sometimes I just forget I exist, and being in university heightens that situation. Most days, the only thing that keeps me going is my future kids. I grew up pretty poor, I’m the first in my family to pursue and nearly complete university degree, and I’m also the first in my childhood friend group to “make it out” of our neighbourhood. I find what helps me stand firm in life is prioritising my goals and reminding myself why I am where I am.

God has placed you where you are. Wether that purpose is to minister to other students around you, to meet your future partner, to learn that you don’t need a future partner, or just to learn and grow in understanding… it’s on Gods timeline, and it’s important for us to remind ourselves that we are always doing God’s work. Taking things slow is okay, God is still with you throughout it all.

I recommend “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. I also recommend journaling. It’s a great way to get all the thoughts and words and chaos that might be occurring in your brain, out and onto paper. It always helped me re-focus and grip onto God’s word. Taking a negative thought, and then writing the biblical one underneath it.

“I am lonely”… how many scriptures and stories are in the bible that prove that God is never-failing and always loving?

I wish you the best, and I promise there is always going to be someone kicking about on this Reddit ready to talk with you in the comments. We need more women willing to talk about theology! Women and Men like me would get bored!

Maybe give christian based therapy a try. It's a good combo of Biblical values and clinical help.

Emotional stability is honestly really difficult to find in women, but it’s something that men crave above a lot of things. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little bit here and there I think that’s expected because our brains are wired differently and our hormones are different. But it can’t become a detriment to your ability to perform your duties to your household.

I agree with the other poster that you should be open to medication. If it’s needed it can make all the difference in the world. If you broke your leg you’d get medical treatment. Just like anything physically wrong you’d get treatment and/or medication. Mental health should be no different.

Finally, I think you’re being really hard on yourself for very little reason. God will show you the way and things will happen in his time. I got a little worried at 28 that I wouldn’t find the one and then I did. I’ll be 30 when I get married. My fiancé and I were meant to be and I did wish I met him sooner, but it wasn’t meant to be. We were supposed to meet later in life and we have an absolutely amazing life I couldn’t possibly be any happier than I am now. But I was a totally different person with different goals at 20 and that’s ok. Keep doing the things that give you joy. Volunteer your time to those less fortunate every once in a while and just keep your mind and soul open. Your early 20’s are a learning experience and it can be a really wonderful time. Your brain doesn’t even fully develop until 25 so you don’t have to feel like you need to push yourself too hard. Slow down and enjoy life. I promise you if you do that good things will come.

Have you thought about talking to a therapist? Therapy can be very beneficial in helping us process our emotions and past experiences that may have led to these emotions. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who is a neutral third party and can provide an outside - and professional - perspective and give you tools to manage your issues. These tools can be mental/emotional (helping you reframe certain things), behavioral (mind-body therapy like NFT and others), or chemical/supplements (prescription medication or herbal supplements). I would recommend a female therapist, if possible. I'm sure your school has mental health resources available to students if you can't afford one on your own.