When can you move out?

Gather evidence of unfaithfulness and present your dad with a very clear and cut divorce case. Build evidence for it according to research accordingly.

She has spent decades holding power over him, and decades under her being powerless.

That is not salvageable, so contingencies must be sought.

He needs rediscover himself and find his own truths outside of the toxic banshee he somehow married and slowly allowed himself to erode under.

It's a difficult situation; I think you are right on the cautious approach, not meddling. Maybe just getting closer to the weaker side to try and make sure that -in their circumstances- they are safe. Also, watch and avoid replicating any side on your relationship, as we tend to copy behaviors.

One thing I haven't seen in the comments, but I add here because you mentioned simp, porn, the age difference, is that your father might be willingly participating in the cheating. Just like open relationships, there are some relationships where one-side cheating is accepted and even encouraged, so this might be a possibility.

So, my suggestion is not to go about the marriage but if you are interested maybe try and get closer to your father with questions not about the marriage but about his well-being.

It's a difficult situation; I think you are right on the cautious approach, not meddling. Maybe just getting closer to the weaker side to try and make sure that -in their circumstances- they are safe. Also, watch and avoid replicating any side on your relationship, as we tend to copy behaviors.

One thing I haven't seen in the comments, but I add here because you mentioned simp and some behaviors, is that your father might be willingly participating in the cheating. Just like open relationships, there are some relationships where one-side cheating is accepted and even encouraged by one partner.

So my suggestion is not to go about the marriage but if you are interested maybe try and get closer to your father with questions not about the marriage but about his well-being.

For the sake of your dad do it.... Do it smartly (as some said , gather evidance and help your dad)

A few years ago, shortly after moving away for college, I found out my father is using dating apps. I didn't tell my mother.

There was a previous occasion of her finding out about an affair of his back when I was younger and I know how much it hurt her. But she turned a blind eye, she was not willing to break apart the family over it. So I knew that sharing what I've found out accidentally will only hurt her again and chose to remain silent.

You know your parents and family history better than we do. A woman cheating is very different than a man cheating but then again you probably don't know all the details of your mother and father's relationship. I personally wouldn't interfere unless physical abuse is taking place.

It kind of sounds like they've established a status quo for themselves. It's sad, but many marriages function on less, and you trying to put yourself in the middle of it will only force you to take sides and become a mediator. It's their responsibility to manage their relationship, not yours. It hurts to see your loved ones suffering but we can't do for them what they are not willing to do for themselves.

If you care. Do something. If you don't, don't

These people are your parents. Respect them for that. But, you did not choose them.

This is how they choose to behave. If you don't like it, then aspire to be better. Their behavior is not your responsibility.

Meddling in other peoples affairs is almost always unwise, because exactly no one wants someone to tell them they are a hot mess.

So, I would stay out of it. But do learn from it. You know now a bunch of things to not be involved in as your life unfolds.

If they changed your diapers they don’t ever want your advice regarding sex or money.

Stay out of it.

Well you just said "I don't care what they do" in regards of doing anything about it, why even care enough to tell them? Would it help the situation or make the situation work? What would you expect out of it?

Honestly, if it were me, I'd hit up moms like "uhhh.... you know I know what you're doing right," ever so nonchalantly. Don't cheat on my pops, fam. You bugging.

Approach it lightly. Your place is to let him know that if he chooses to stay or leave you’ll support and love him either way. The main contribution you can give is to let him know that you will not be disappointed if he leaves her. And you will love him if he stays. He should not be staying for your sake, however.

As to whether to out your mother’s cheating, generally I’m in favor of outing cheaters. Now that you suspect, if he really doesn’t know what she’s doing and he finds out later that you did and didn’t tell him, that very well could be seen as a betrayal by you. That kind of break in trust pretty much can’t be repaired. This very scenario has played out in the infidelity forums. It’s devastating.

You might tell him you suspect she might be cheating. This would be truthful because you didn’t see them going at it or read text messages where she admits to it. Be warned if you snoop her phone you very well may find that proof. After finding it you may wish you hadn’t looked. Once you read the gory details you won’t forget them. I’d advise that you know enough to act, and knowing more could be harmful to you.

The survivinginfidelity sub is a goldmine of top quality information and advice. It’s a must read for anyone dealing with infidelity, even indirectly.

I'd snitch but this is in no way an advice knowing that i have zero knowledge beyond whats going on besides this post.

Do you have proof?? Pictures or msgs. Cheating can lead to horrible disasters even murders. You should get proof and tell your dad cause he won't believe you. Your dad deserves to know he is an adult he can handle it. Maybe this can be his wakeup call and he can live the rest of his days with a better person.

It's a difficult situation; I think you are right on the cautious approach, not meddling. Maybe just getting closer to the weaker side to try and make sure that -in their circumstances- they are safe. Also, watch and avoid replicating any side on your relationship, as we tend to copy behaviors.

One thing I haven't seen in the comments, but I add here because you mentioned simp and some behaviors, is that your father might be willingly participating in the cheating. Just like open relationships, there are some relationships where one-side cheating is accepted and even encouraged by one partner.

So my suggestion is not to go about the marriage but if you are interested maybe try and get closer to your father with questions not about the marriage but about his well-being.

It's a difficult situation; I think you are right on the cautious approach, not meddling. Maybe just getting closer to the weaker side to try and make sure that -in their circumstances- they are safe. Also, watch and avoid replicating any side on your relationship, as we tend to copy behaviors.
One thing I haven't seen in the comments, but I add here because you mentioned simp and some behaviors, is that your father might be willingly participating in the cheating. Just like open relationships, there are some relationships where one-side cheating is accepted and even encouraged by one partner.
So my suggestion is not to go about the marriage but if you are interested maybe try and get closer to your father with questions not about the marriage but about his well-being.

Maybe you should tell your dad your mom is a cheating whore that abuses him and he should leave her. The owness is on him after that. Don't expect to be welcome at future family gatherings but at least you can die with some dignity and self respect.

The only way I’d get involved is anonymously, especially if you’ll be living there again. It seems he has a story he tells himself about your mom and the marriage. Do you want to destroy that if it’s his way of coping with a situation he won’t or can’t get out of?? I’d be surprised if he didn’t already know too.