Hi all,

I wanted to seek help from you all. I am in a troubled situation and cant get my head wrapped around the latest events in my life.

I have been with this guy since last fall. We met over dinner and things took off. We came to know more about each other and were amazing together in everyway. We just completely get each other and i felt like this thing is gonna be for the long haul. He was very honest about his past and I was about mine. Our relationship was very naturally RP. A few months after seeing each other regularly, i moved in with him this january. We lived together. He is working and I am a student. My university was walking distance from his place. I could always take out a lot of time for him. I would cook for him and he would absolutely love it. To be honest, this was the best period of my life. I absolutely loved every bit of it. We never fought and were never unpleasant towards each other. Bedroom life was super-good and we always talked about a lot of things. I felt he was always there for me. Overall i believe he treated me with respect and cared about me and so did I.

Except one issue which brings me to post here-

His ex. He was dating a girl a few years back and things were serious between them. She wanted to marry him, and initially he agreed but then decided to call it off because he wasnt sure. ( I am not sure what made him unsure). He says this changed a lot of things for her and according to him, his decision to break things with her made her life very difficult. A couple of months later is when I come into the picture. However, during this time they were still in touch over the phone ( she is very far away, he moved due to career) and she would often pursuade him to change his mind and he felt he was still emotionally connected to her. After meeting me, he told me everything about this. I was initially alarmed but then decided to let him sort things for himself. Things werent that serious between us. In December, I finally asked him if he is still in touch with his ex and he said yes. He said that things are tough for him as he has hurt her a lot but he doesnt want to change his decision. At this point I told him that if he has to continue seeing me, I would want no baggage from his side. He understood and he finally told me around new years that he wants to be with me and his ex is not there in the picture. I trusted him with this and really liked him at this point and decided I want to be with him.

Fast forward to now, We had been living together until almost may. I had to temporarly move back into my apartment which is 10 mins away. We started seeing each other every 3-4 days.

This friday however I saw some texts of hers on his Ipad, which essentially made me question everything. They had continued to talk after december, and had been talking on and off. More like once or twice a month. But more than that, the conversation was very very emotional. He admitted to being in love with her and missing her. He reminisced about some time he spent with her, and how much he wish she was here. He even admitted to downloading her pictures from facebook onto his phone. He said, she has a special place in his heart that no one else can take. This hurt me to the core. Moreso, because he had never been this emotional with me. We went along really well and respected each other ( atleast i thought) but he never admitted towards any feelings for me. I always used to wonder why we never talk about "us". I often tried getting an emotional response from him. Like confessing that I love him, or if he loves me. He never gave a strong response. I assumed maybe he is not an emotional person. But when i saw his texts to his ex, I realise that he wasnt emotional WITH ME. This hurts me a hell lot. I invested a lot into building this relationship. I was very much 100% into him. I know I always tried to be a better person for him, every day.

I feel he almost had an emotional affair behind my back. I was very very angry and disappointed. I felt he has disrespected me. Upon confrontation, he has said things like " those texts mean nothing", "She is gone for me". "I just said because i felt emotional at the moment", "this shouldnt affect us", "she is my past" "sometimes my emotions catch me and i slipped".

We havent talked since 2 days. He is taking time to process and so am I. But I know after sometime he would want to talk to me and know where I am. I loved how things were with him. But I cannot compromise on my self respect which I feel is compromised. I was so hunting for his love, or affection but he was giving it all away to some other woman. I know i have put my best in this thing with him and now I cannot understand if i should throw it all away or just suck it up. He has even admitted that he has some remnant feelings about this girl. One can only be emotionally involved at one place and I feel I have been cheated, Coz his love and his affection mattered so much to me. I feel like I wont be able to trust him again and there is no point, and I dont want to be secondary to some other woman in his life. But at the same time the fact that we were good together also puts doubts in my mind. Please suggest.

TLDR: SO emotionally over-attached to ex. Exchange romantic and intense messages, once/twice every month. Talk on video. dont know how to handle.