No advice but hugs and support. This happened to my neighbor when I was in HS. She had two boys and an IUD. She ended up getting the baby girl she always wanted and joked that the baby was in there using the IUD as a jungle gym.

After 4 kids I can completely understand why this unexpected surprise is freaking you out. It's totally ok to feel whatever you are feeling. My fingers are crossed that the test comes out negative for you if that is what your heart desires.

Remember too, whether it's a baby or just PMS - your hormones are probably making your emotions all screwy. Sometimes during the worse PMS it helps me to think "I will feel differently when the hormones calm down".

For what it's worth, the description of your concerns and feelings seem completely sensible, and not at all contrary to appreciating your children. I don't think you have to worry about people misconstruing what it is you're saying.

You may not be pregnant, so I'd encourage you do to do whatever you can to calm down, and not obsess about it, until you've evidence that you are (if you are, of course).

I know it's not what you planned. Given what you've written, you sound like good parents. I know it's not what you want, but if you are pregnant, I think you'll adjust, and want this 5th child when you meet them.

One way to look at it is that your "plans" have changed, and have set back 5 years. If this is the case, I'd encourage you & your husband to rise to the occasion, and make part of your new goals to get, and stay, in as good a shape as you can. If you do this, not only will you likely enjoy your family more, but you'll have more time to do it. You'll have more healthy years to enjoy with your husband once your youngest children are independent.

If nothing else, I recommend putting off any freakout until you're with your husband, and know you have something to freak out about.

I bet your husband is right. You'll be fine!

Turtles are great