I know quite a few people who married older (10-20 years difference) and the common theme is it's great until it isn't. Obviously I am generalizing and each relationship is unique, but it seems like a lot of the women really like the setup until the husband gets older, slows down, requires care, and eventually dies leaving them alone for the next 20 years.

Say the woman is 25 and man is 40. When she is 45 and the first kids are leaving the house, he is already 60. Men tend to die younger than women anyway, and what I have seen are a lot of women excited to have the kids out of the house only to deal with an aging spouse. When they are excited to explore the world and enjoy each other in retirement, it just does not work out that way.

Not saying this is a deal breaker, and unfortunately this kind of thing can happen even when spouses are close in age, but something to consider. All of the older women I have spoken to in this situation have told me they don't necessarily regret marrying someone much older, but in their next life they probably would do something different.

I considered dating older men when I was in my 20s but never went further than a couple dates because it was apparent they were either just looking for sex or someone they thought was pliable and easy to control. Also, I couldn’t imagine bringing a substantially older guy out to a party with my friends or home to my parents, when he would essentially be their peer!

I guess one of those threads were mine. My hamster was spinning hard????

My current boyfriend is my only experience with relationships and 3 years younger (2 years and a couple weeks technically) than me. At first, I felt really unsure because I always imagined myself with an older guy, and that seems to be the norm where I live.

But my guy's been taking care of himself since he was 7 and has been working since he was 15. That is to say, he's pretty mature for his age. I on the other hand, grew up rather spoilt and very sheltered (she didn't even like me talking to boys) by my single mother. In our case, I feel that our maturity levels even out since I'm a bit behind my peers (but getting better! ????) and he's a bit ahead.

He started "leading" better when I acted in ways that encouraged it (asking for advice, listening to him, etc.) and he is really good at not getting caught up in my BS. So far I'm happy, but we'll see where it goes since I'm going abroad this year for University and he's staying in our country.????

My ex husband was only 2 months older (both married at age 22) and we were married for 10 yrs. My next relationship was with a close friend of mine and he was 7 yrs younger. I didn’t notice much difference caused by the age gap other than the fact he wanted at least 2 kids and I sit the fence as to whether I want or can have them biologically.

Currently my SO is 7 yrs older (42) and it’s working very well. I like that he’s more established, but he loves to do things together and has a lively spirit. We have both been through divorces and he’s had time dabbling into unsuccessfully dating women in their 20’s (he got frustrated with the poly mentality or feeling like he had to play “dad”) so we fully appreciate what we each bring to the table. For me it’s nice to not have the pressure of HAVING to have a biological child together since he already has a 9 yr old daughter that I adore and vice versa.

I used to be with someone roughly 7 years older than me. We met while I was in high school. Things were lovely for a long time but at some point I ‘caught up’ I guess and the relationship turned out not to be emotionally stable at all, rather emotionally abusing.

Thing is, I think in general it’s desirable for a woman to date someone older than herself. Often it does work out, sometimes (like with my relationship) it just doesn’t :)

I'm 29, husband is 42 and married my husband at 20, when he was 33. Had children at 20 (twins), 23 and 25.

Through our marriage he's had a lot more life experience than me, so is a very capable leader of the family!

My own mother taught me a lot about housekeeping and cooking when I was a child, so despite being young I was prepared to be a wife at 20.

It is true though that men statistically die at a younger age and many are sickly of course beforehand. Just to be prepared.

If you are 55 and he is 70 he’ll probably be needing this and that care and then -

You’re 60 and he has passed away and you have 20-25 years of widowhood ahead of you.

Of course these are just averages. Still, be prepared.

I was 18. He was 25. I thought he'd be mature. He wasn't. I was a plate essentially. I suspect he was married or something to someone else.

I have generally avoided dating people who were younger than me. My fiancé is an exception; he is three years younger than me. He's way more mature in a lot of ways. He also has more grey hair than me so I don't feel or look older. ????

My soon to be ex husband is 38 and I’m 21. Would not recommend. There were reasons he was still single (with multiple children born out of wedlock). I did not vet properly, was super impulsive, and overall I should’ve been more responsible and smarter than that. Would not recommend.

My husband is 11 years older than me. We started dating when I was 21 and he was 32. We got married 6 years later. He is very young at heart and in his looks. So I don't always remember he is older than me! But he does have plenty of lessons to teach me since he has a few more years experience.

I don't think my family was too thrilled about the age difference but I don't care. He's the love of my life and my captain and that's all that matters. Age is just a number.

I’m a whole generation younger than my husband.

Honestly, I love it. I was really hesitant to pursue the relationship at first because of the age difference, but I finally gave in because I just liked him so much. We both bring different and complimentary things to the table. I get the benefits of his experience and successes, he gets to enjoy my comparative youth and energy. I never get tired of his company. We share our worldview. We played three games of chess before work this morning and talked politics. He makes me laugh and likes my silly puns. It doesn’t hurt that the sex is phenomenal.

I’m not saying that we’re a good match BECAUSE of the age difference, but if you’re into someone (and they’re over 18) don’t let age be a defining factor.

My husband is close in age to me, and I like that. I feel like it makes things quite effortless between us. We had vastly different lives before meeting, but a similar amount of experience so that works really nicely.

I have dated older in the past, the biggest gap I had was about 15 years (23 and 38). It was fun and I did enjoy the dynamic of him being the more experienced one in life, but ultimately I prefer the smaller gap. It just feels more relatable.

I feel like a bigger gap like that would work best with a quite young woman who's ready to settle down. A 20 year-old women could benefit a lot from starting a relationship with a 30 year old man. A 30 year old starting out with a 40 year old, not so much.

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My wife is 5 years older than me. She looks younger because she is from India and petite. I'd prefer if she was younger than me for having kids, but what can I do?

I've dated both older and younger men and right now, looking back, I've noticed that it's important to me that my partner is around the same age I am.

My high school sweetheart is one year older and we've been together for 2 1/2 years. Back then, I couldn't understand why girls my age (16-17) always liked older guys and couldn't really see myself having anything in common with an older guy. My instincts were on point, but I didn't pay much attention to these things back then, unfortunately. In 12th grade, I (very) briefly dated a guy who's one year younger than I am but he was very controlling and somewhat emotionally abusive, so I ended it quickly. But it did left me weary of men younger than I am, something I only realized in my current relationship.

After that, I dated another guy who is one year older than me while I was in college and when that relationship ended because he left for a job in another country, I though my friends in high school who were dating older men were maybe right.

My next two boyfriends were older. I was disappointed with the first one, since he seemed to lack initiative, although he's 9 years older. Because of that, I refused to marry him and ended the relationship. Then I dated someone 6 years older, a mature, established and driven guy, the kind parents swoon over. This was my most successful relationship, I felt loved, accepted and appreciated, but I was never very attracted to him and we had little in common. Our relationship was pleasant and he tested the waters for marriage as well, but yet again I was weary. I felt he didn't really share my interests, had a very different outlook on life (was very much a family guy looking to start a family), but loved me and wanted to make it work. It was very hard to end it but I did.

Then I met my last (current?) boyfriend and we both fell in love like never before. He's one year younger and somewhat inexperienced with relationships. Attraction and chemistry are off the charts for both of us, we have a lot of things in common and about the same outlook on life, the same (extended) social circle, etc. I've never liked someone more than I like him, but he doesn't have the maturity and wisdom my older boyfriends had and at first, it was hard to take him seriously. This is definitely the most challenging relationship I've ever had, but the one in which I grew the most in the shortest time. I don't yet know were it's heading (I devoured For Women Only, First, Kill all the Marriage Counselors and The Surrendered Wife the past 2 weeks, at your recommendation and they did help tremendously :D) but I see myself wanting to make this relationship work, for the first time ever.

Overall, I'd say that for me, relationships with older guys were much easier to navigate, but lacked the 'hell yeah' feeling on my end. I felt loved and spoiled but I didn't really grow too much, nor was I very much attracted to the guys, feeling we don't have much in common. I think their main goal was to start a family, but the way I see it, the attraction and common interests come first, then the relationship, then the family.

In the relationships I had with people closer to my age, I felt much more attracted, wanting sex was never an issue, we always had common interests but things moved slower, we had a lot more heated arguments and misunderstandings which I attribute to immaturity on both ends. However, I always felt more willing to make it work in these cases, was able to realize my own shortcomings and insecurities and actually work on them.

I’ve dated both older and younger, and definitely found way more comfort and success dating older. The two guys I dated younger, one a year younger and one three years younger, and the relationships took on a dynamic of mothering/caretaking for him, and it was both of our faults. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, just not successful for what we were both looking for in a relationship. Dating older, however, is hands down my preference in dating now, after dating older, younger, and same age. Physically I find older men much more attractive, following the “aged wine” kind of feel. Laugh lines, maturity, perhaps lingering signs of used-to-be-built-now-halfway-to-dad-bod, short facial hair. They’ve also been much more financially stable, since I got sick of having to cover for my younger or same age boyfriends’ meals more often than they covered for mine. I don’t mind paying my half or covering the bill when I offer to treat them to dinner, but a lack of maturity and a lack of career led to me being the one busting out my wallet most of the time. I appreciate a man who can afford luxuries for himself and let me keep my own earned money for my luxuries, and I appreciate a man who respects that same principle by not demanding he be the one spending all the money either. For example, he spends his own money on his car while I spend my money on clothes, and I appreciate when he doesn’t insist on trading his car money to buy me clothes all the time. I want him to buy his own things for himself and I’ll buy mine, and we can treat each other and give gifts only once in a while.

My husband is 10 years older. We got engaged 6 months into dating when I turned 21 and married after 3 years. So far it’s been perfect. I’ve never seen myself getting married to anyone younger or around my age.

My previous boyfriend was much younger, ten years my junior. It caused certain problems as he was less mature and less responsible, but also he wanted to still play the field. Finally I cut him loose so he could have all the casual sex he wanted. Bye. My current SO is nine years older than I am and this works MUCH better, but bear in mine we are middle aged so this gap of years makes little difference in our maturity and life goals.

In my 20s, I’ve mainly dated people close to my age (~1-2 years on both sides of the spectrum) and once someone 20 years older. I found that, whether they were the same age or older, they were very immature and even more selfish—which I later realized was from them being BP.

Now that in my 30s (and know better), I’m in a LTR with someone 10 years older (he’s in his early 40s). He’s far more mature and masculine than anyone I’ve dated before—both because he’s older and RP. He’s comfortable leading and I’m comfortable following, which I’ve never experienced simultaneously until now.