Hi All,

I am always searching to understand more about RPW and "The Surrendered Wife", in general. As a result, I try to practice little things as often as I can remember. I will admit, it takes a lot more self control than I am used to.

This week, I had the "ah-ha!" moment that a good relationship is actually a skill. Kind of like reading, writing, cooking or cleaning. Having a good, loving relationship is an actual learned behavior that takes discipline and patience.

What? Thus far in life, I have always thought of a relationship just "Being what it is" and either 2 people work, or they dont work. Basically, I have taken 0 responsibility for anything that happens in a relationship, because "It's just how I am".

I also really plugged into the idea that the woman can be a temperature gauge in a relationship, and that whether she surrendered or submits or whatever, she has so much power to dictate how positive and loving a relationship is going to be. How cool.

So, why am I back at this, again and again? I'll tell you. I'm with the man of my dreams, hands down. Talking of marriage, ring shopping, whole 9 yards. However, after watching numerous failed relationships around me, I can't help but ask myself why they keep failing, and what the common denominators are. And, how are the same issues with "men" recurring with most of the women in my life?

I had to take a hard look at what was working for people around me, and what isn't. Being the victim, the martyr, and the woman who "just deserves better" and is waiting for "Someone to step up to the plate" just stopped working for me. If I wanted the type of relationship that is impenetrable and amazing, its me who needs to be the woman to receive that.

We have been together for 1.5 years. It has been amazing. Lately, as in, within the last few months, the sex has been dwindling. Now, being logical, we both work 50+ hours a week, live separately, and overall have busy lives. But, when we are together, why is it that we are complacent in our separate places? Why is it that we aren't obsessed with being sexual with one another?

I began to ask myself if I was someone who was exciting to be sexual with. I began to ask myself if my SO could see me as a prize worth working for, or something else. With that, I began training for my first half marathon (next week! woo hoo!) my strength and endurance has changed, and my "me" time has made me more mentally stable. I feel great, and look great. My SO admires me for my dedication to something not always pleasant, also.

Since deciding to submit, I have also made a conscious effort to be much more agreeable, light, friendly and overall just carefree to be around. My biggest question has been with the leading questions. I have had to really try to stop with these. Today, we were baking cookies and he wanted to try the next batch. While the cookies were in the oven I could smell them burning and knew they needed to be taken out but I bit my tongue and let it run its course. Turns out, they were only slightly crispy, and our intimacy remained intact because I didn't have to "correct" him on something so trivial.

Also, while shopping today, he made sure to open the car door for me, a habit that died once we got more comfortable with one another.

And, if anyones counting (which, I have been)...Instead of the sex once every 7 days, which we were having, we just had sex for the 4th time in 2 days.

I have to admit. I don't fully understand it yet. There is so much more I need to learn. I don't exactly know where to start, as there is so few literature about it out there (from what I can see) but having this community is a great start.

Anyway, just wanted to share my experience.