Continue to be vulnerable (a good time to express your perceived insecurities and be upfront about flaws) and tell him what you like about him so he's not confused as to why you want to spend time with him. The genuine stuff. Shyness has to leave in one way or the other, if the shyness isn't laying on a pile on the floor with your clothes it has to go in some other way :)

You're charming online so I think you shouldn't underestimate yourself.

Sounds like an overall good reason to avoid online dating

I don't know, putting myself in the guy's shoes....you need to bring something to the table more amazing than usual if you're going to make me wait weeks, months, or even until marriage. You need to add more value to my life than a little cooking and cleaning. You can't just be some basic becky and demand massive commitment without sex. Maybe a beta chump with oneitis might fall for that, but men who have high value and options won't.

Also, if I ever had any indication that you had been sleeping around prior to me, and decided to make me the exception who has to wait, that's an automatic no-go. No amount of SMV/RMV is worth being made a fool of.

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I will give you some insight into my side of things, I make no recommendations as to how you should action this info, I just provide it for your edification. I have dated an awful lot. Good girls, bad girls and everything in between. You are spot on that if there is no sex by date 4 then things start to get weird. I have never actually embarked on a relationship with any girl who did not have sex with me very early on. In my experience sex is always the girls decision, if she wants to fbang you, good girl or not, it happens fast. I have been with a few very good girls, trad cons, only one or two previous partners and they were mainly over 30 (Im old).

First girl made it clear no sex before relationship, on our fourth date she dragged me into her room and banged the shit out of me. I gave her a chance at a relationship, we saw each other three more times, but I just wasn't feeling it, so I told her sorry, she got hurt. Second good girl I met online, a lot of flirting, then some phone sex before meeting. She also made it clear no sex before relationship. Again I did not push, we meet for the first time, great dinner, no alcohol, polite conversation. I do not push but ask if she wants to come to my room for a coffee, you know how that story ends. We have an LDR for almost a year, but things do not work out. I have three similar stories, all fairly good girls, swear no sex until relationship but all of them sleep with me first or second date (I am not pushy, and I see all of these girls many times after the sex). I am always open to a relationship, I guess I am just used to girls bonking me very early in the journey. I always give girls a chance at a relationship.

So not to buck the conventional wisdom here of make him wait, but for me I give every girl a chance to secure commitment, except ONS when we both know it is just for fun. Even then I would always see them a few more times to see if we click. So the "make them wait for sex" thing is your call, I do not think most guys hold it against a girl if she sleeps with them very early. TBH it just makes me far more open to a relationship. I have never nexted a girl for bonking me early on, I have nexted plenty for plaing the "you can wait" game. Maybe some guys have different attitudes but I do not think less of a girl for giving it up very fast. Good girls do it at least as fast as bad girls in my experience.

You can express a lot of desire and attraction without banging. It's not a light switch [fuck-nofuck], it's a painter's pallet with many colours - you can paint a lot of things without using red or pink.

Even words can be super seductive and expressive. "You're so sexy" is a powerful phrase. "I want to so badly, but... not yet, kiss" is much much easier for a man to take than "no, I'm not doing that". Remember, it's 90% an ego thing for a man. His ego is that tiny soft spot in between the large jagged rocky exterior.

However, if he finds out later that he waited 3 months with you, but when you were in college you banged 3 guys in 3 nights and you don't even remember their names or anything but how hawwwt they were, he's going to feel like you don't value him and he'll be crushed. kind of off topic

I started inviting him to social outings, letting him into my life and presenting myself as a whole human in a dynamic relationship with others in my life. Dates can be intimate and escalate but there's a distance in social situations that can be just as intimate. Hopefully he'd invite the girl into his life as well. You can share new experiences that are ill conducive to escalation. But of course, conversations will go there if he's attracted. It's best to enjoy the buildup, acknowledge it and nurture it as an ember without letting it be a full fire.

Avoid situations where you could have sex. It's hard to have sex with someone in a bowling alley, at least the first time. If he's at your house watching a movie, it's a lot more reasonable for him to assume you'll be doing something sexual. My husband didn't come into my home until the two month mark.

This is my wheelhouse, so here's the more physical perspective, semi-NSFW. Others have covered the social aspects well. My preference is for LTRs, never same day sex or ONS. Also, I personally savor the teasing and push-pull of courting. Therefore, my dating funnel and escalation rate are calibrated for a longer-than-TRP-average journey to intimacy.

Most relationships have become intimate on the third or fourth date, not counting an optional brief zeroth-date which is a noncommittal short meeting in person. Most of my GFs found this enjoyable, some would even say "refreshing" in the current dating climate. One GF was very religious (I'm not at all); there was mutual attraction and IIRC we went on nine dates before becoming fully intimate. (We were late 40s, seeking LTR but not marriage or kids.)

Often this is not openly discussed; it is usually mentioned in both of our dating site profiles that we don't want a ONS. The escalation proceeds comfortably, with an enjoyable push-pull and escalate-cool down cycle that allows a certain amount of indulgence in partial intimacy, yet without allowing lust and horomones to be the primary drivers.

Women who did not savor the courtship never made it to LTR status. Some ejected without comment, a few complained as if something was wrong and were rejected. Those who were very sexually aggressive and pushed the pace faster than I led (very intimate touching or unilaterally shedding all clothes on date 1/2) proved to be BAD LTR material and flamed out before the 45 day mark.

Actionable advice for women who want to keep their integrity and prospective boyfriend's interest

• Vet and preselect! Make sure you're on the same page with relationship intentions. If he openly says he's not seeking a serious relationship, next him because you won't sex your way to his commitment.
• Express your preference in positive terms, not negative. "I'm interested in a long-term committed relationship, not a hookup" is much more appealing than "If you just want sex KEEP IT MOVING because I'm not that kind of girl!!!1!!!"
• When you have a serious prospect who mutually values a certain amount of waiting, what's really important is that he feels progress. This means pacing the intimacy with push-pull, not going all the way to your soft limit immediately then having no further escalation to offer. It's much more enjoyable for both parties to have a long slow ramp toward intimacy, than to go straight to a plateau then stagnate there.
• Blue balls is a real physical phenomenon in men. When we're excited without release for hours, it physically hurts. Don't dismiss this reality from your awareness whatever rate of escalation is right for you.
• If your goal is a LONG escalation (virgin, waiting for marriage or engagement), consider alternatives to PIV or oral that meet physical needs as part of the long escalation ramp, or keeping a lengthy plateau period satisfying, once you've mutually decided to proceed with a serious relationship. This might include light petting (touching/caressing everywhere but boobs, butt, crotch), underwear cuddling (where touching anywhere unclothed is fair game), each party masturbating while making out, mutual masturbation.

I saw in your cross post comments that you are Catholic. If you want wait until marriage, I would tell him that upfront. It's not really about him, so if you explain it that way he is less likely to take it personally. If he is also Catholic, he should understand and be happy to wait. If he's not and he isn't willing to respect your boundaries here, I'd suggest you leave him. You might check out the book Boundaries in Dating.

In the end, there are lots of ways to express physical affection without sex. I would hold hands, kiss, cuddle, etc. but be very clear about what your physical standards are. It may be helpful to say something like "I don't do x..." Saying "I don't" makes it sound like a general policy, and indicates that you are choosy about who you get physical with. It should increase your SMV.

During the long slog between third date and marriage, my husband and I did a lot of things. We went to museums. We played board games with friends and video games with each other. We went to movies together, enjoyed BBQs, got to know each others' families, went on double dates. Sometimes we'd just sit and read together. In the end, an important part of dating is seeing whether you really like one another and enjoy each other's company. You know that you're probably not going to be sucking each other's face off when you're 80. You want to make sure that when you're 80 and sitting in rocking chairs on the porch together (or whatever you end up doing) that you will still enjoy each other's company. If you are meant to be together, you will derive a lot of joy just from being together and holding hands - even if you can't express your love in other ways yet. Use this time to find your common interests and explore them together.