When I start focusing on changing some aspect in myself, I always start observing it, probably too much, in others. I fairly recently swallowed the red pill when it comes to the importance of physical attractiveness. I find myself becoming acutely aware of when women could improve their looks but have neglected to: sloppy clothes, unplucked eyebrows, overweight and doesn't try to workout or diet....

I have always been fairly naturally RPW when it comes to personality; being pleasant, encouraging, devoted to your man, etc. has always seemed like a no brainer. Probably because my mom is a wonderful devoted wife and mom who always is serving, and also very happy in her marriage.

Anyway, when it comes to appearance, I generally feel bad for women and wish there was a polite and kind way to say, you would be doing yourself such a favor to make a small investment to improve your looks. But when it comes to bad attitudes I have very little sympathy. My pet peeve has always been women who brag about the fact that they don't cook for their man, or do his laundry, etc. It's like bragging that they are crappy at their job...I always feel bad for their husbands...And always think, I would kill to have a good man to cook and clean for.

I don't find myself judging their actions, more or so resenting them. I feel ashamed to once have either thought those things, or be associated with it at one point or another. I have an old roommate who I consistently hear about her "exploits" and feel terrible that she's part of the reason as to why men think AWALT. I don't resent these things all the time, but I shake my head more often than not.

It's...shocking at first. Then it makes you angry. Then you just get sad and not so surprised every time it comes up.

I do my best not to judge, because there was a time when I would have jumped onto "rah rah let's make fun of men" bandwagon and been just as entitled and foolish as them.

But it's difficult. I notice it in [x] with her current bf (going into law, quite feminist). They had an argument today about whether or not she went somewhere, and she called him weird and stupid. This happened a lot with the previous bfs too. But if she gets called weird or stupid? There's going to be tears and drama...

I also went to a bbq as well as a ladies night and was a little disheartened to listen to tales of:

"Oh, I like his personality but I'm not attracted to him. I'll just see where it goes."

and

"He went out to x club last night, so I went to hang out with a bunch of guys to make him jealous!"

as well as

"Yeah we've been together almost 7 years but I don't want to like, marry him or be with him longterm or anything. He brought it up once and I put him in his place." (what? facepalm)

Most of the ladies were mid to late twenties. Honestly, all of it just makes me very sad and even more concerned to keep my behaviour in check. Sigh.

Edit: I'm wondering though, maybe judging this behaviour is a good thing? It reminds you to not pull that crap and be a respectful person.

Yes, but it makes me more appreciative of my female friends with RPW tendencies.

Also it has helped me cut toxic friends out of my life permanently.

Hey windlabyrinth :)

Since exploring Red Pill Women, I have more awareness of others' behavior, but not judging them (the women themselves).

Me, I've never been one for drama — NEVER. No gossip. No whining. It's pointless, so I'm used to disliking it, tuning it out, I don't understand it*, and am accustomed to its popularity. With RPW, I'm learning and practicing how to gracefully withdraw myself from gossip talk, knowing what ~not~ to do, and knowing that there's zero point to contribute negative energy to the atmosphere. Keep it positive.

I'm grateful that I know I don't exhibit these behaviors and keep myself in check, how about y'all?

Same here, yes. I keep myself in check, and for me, that's what matters. If I'm going to relate myself to others (comparing), I'd rather keep my tone neutral and mind myself. It's not my place to comment on, make gestures, counter, or join in someone's negative behavior. Only if they ask for my input will I briefly speak from my heart. It doesn't matter to me how other women (acquaintances, strangers) deal with their problems aloud — that's their issue.

That's how I see that, anyway.
 

*As long as I've been alive, I haven't understood making drama, whining about petty things, talking judgingly about others behind their backs. But I think it may be a part of what women use to keep their (our) emotional rollercoaster going. It's not about the events, the husbands, the friend being stupid for a faux pas, but something in her emotional fluctuation isn't being fulfilled, so she creates drama.
 

(Please excuse my poor phrasing, thanks.)

Oh my gosh I feel this way ALL the time. A lot of women try to connect to other women by belittling the men in their lives and go all for "team woman" when the things that they are saying are outright rude and disrespectful.

Depending on who it is, I will react in different ways. I try not to associate with people like that too much, since their misery and negativity is just unhealthy and super annoying. Unfortunately, most girls are too prideful and set in their ways to be changed. I will never offer advice for them to change unless I feel they are sincere and are okay with constructive criticism. There is no need for you to put yourself in a position to open up more drama.

Oh man, I struggle with this daily. I'm super judgmental, but I find it to be a really unattractive quality so it's a constant internal battle. On bad days it can be hard to stop stuff like you mentioned from bringing me down, but I still never vocalize it. Ideally if I notice that a woman has that kind of mentality I just try to accept that we have fundamental differences and that we will never be buddies. I distance myself emotionally and those relationships tend to fade as a result. Of course if it's a close(r) friend or if I'm asked for my opinion I'll give a watered-down version of the RP mindset (even that can be too much for some people), but if it's not asked for I keep it to myself. I don't want to bring that negative energy home to my SO, it just reminds me to keep working at making his life as awesome as possible :)

Yes, absolutely. Just overall more aware of the personal responsibility of women in their relationship problems. But I've always cringed hard when women act proud that they have their betas in check. I die of second hand embarrassment.

I take home cooked food into my fiancé's office once a week, once a month I do a big lunch for everyone. 99% of the poor guys sit there and tell me how there SO's Wont even help them out let alone do something nice like cook for an office party. The one guy told me that his wife makes friends specifcally with people who make his life hard and that she makes fun if him in public so bad he would never invite her to his work place. :(

Edit: so I'm super judgmental but even more so I'm just sad

Haha absolutely!

My roommate treats her bf as a doormat and it's even more disgusting to be now. Also when women talk about being strong and independent feminists, I cringE

I mainly find myself disgusted by girls who dress slutty or sleep around. Although showing skin or sleeping with multiple guys has always seemed weird to me.

There is an older woman who works in my office, single, no kids - and you can see why. She doesn't take care of herself, is overweight and always wears "comfortable" cloths and no makeup using the excuse "what I do matters not how I look". The sad thing is she barely out ranks me (I'm only 21 and this is my first job in this industry). This is the sort of woman who will try to act like a man but come off as a child (very rude, very agressive and can't handle other people being right). While in the past I would have tolerated this behavior and kept the peace, now I cannot stand it.

I've always been a judgemental person, toward everyone including myself. TRP basically gave that side of my head more ammo.

For example, when Jon comes home and tells me how his coworkers always have to see what I've given him for lunch, comment on how good it smells and sigh and say their wives would never do that, I feel slightly angry at the wives. Because some of them do apparently have enough time and a couple even spend all day at home, childless and unemployed, but can't manage to cook a meal. That level of idleness is unimaginable to me. Not being able to cook at their age is confusing. But I also feel slightly angry at the men. Because they are pining for wifely attention and being neglected and nagged... but do nothing at all. They pretend to enjoy the store-bought food and pretend to listen to their wives whilst rolling their eyes on the phone. Passive-aggressiveness and male obedience also confuse me.

In terms of being judgemental, TRP just means you see more of what's wrong in the world.

My own sister is one of those women. She treats her fiance like dirt a lot of the time and it's difficult to watch. I can't be around them for too long. I just bite my tongue in those situations. I feel for the guy.

YES! And it makes me glad I'm a hetero woman because I don't have to date them or be in a relationship with them.

I notice that society pushes the "woman smart, man dumb" thing everywhere. I guess it's no longer politically correct for marketing or pop culture in general to present the opposite, but it's swung so far in the opposite direction that it's ubiquitous. Misandry is everywhere, and it is disgusting. I am bothered that I once bought into these messages.

I've mainly been noticing the misery of the nuclear family. It seems like women are pushed to get the ring and pop out the baby, and then they seem to think they can just stop trying. The man is officially stuck with them, and his happiness no longer matters. It's all about her and her miracle children (because the whole reproduction thing is apparently wondrous in its novelty because humans haven't been doing it for eons?)

Men are just accessories. You treat your guy well enough get what you want from him and then it's game over. The woman can do whatever she wants - gain a ton of weight, dress sloppy, deny him sex and physical affection, and become obsessed with her special snowflake children to the degree it becomes a personal religion to her. She's the ~mother of his children~, therefore he must treasure her no matter what. And society deems this attitude as perfectly normal. She's a good martyr of a wife and mother, and he, well, he should stop bringing up his needs because they are irrelevant and he needs to stop being selfish.

And god forbid a man decide to take his happiness and limited lifespan seriously and get away from the source of his misery because then he's treated like he's a selfish coward. He's minimized ("It must be a mid-life crisis. Why is he so shallow?") If a woman leaves a marriage, it's because she's a hero who found the courage to get away from a man who didn't treasure her. If a man leaves, it's somehow still his fault, because he didn't try to love his wife enough and get on board with her program. He is abandoning her and the kids. He's not upholding his vows, which is interesting, because the constant lack of the woman upholding her vows over the years is never seen as a valid point.

It's disgusting and I want no part of it. I really feel for men trying to survive in this climate.

Definitely. I'm on a hip hop dance team and I'm consistently shocked by the way some of the other women on the team act. One of them started this blog about her dating exploits, and, wow, talk about insulting. According to one post, she sexts with the guys she talks to online "just to mess with them." She also posted photos of the average looking guys who contacted her and insulted their appearance.

This gal is 27 and, from what I can tell, has partied heavily in the past. All I could think when I saw her blog was all of the Red Pill stuff it was validating, and how, in a few years, she'll be thrilled to get a nice message from one of the completely respectable guys she's been bashing.

Oh, I feel this way all the time. Sometimes I just want to get it off my chest too but I also realize that 95% of people will just think I'm being a bitch. It's so ass-backward. But I don't vocalize any of this stuff to anyone except sometimes my husband (and even then it's more a conversation about ideas rather than "this specific woman is a train wreck").

Just curious ... What do you think would such a ranting woman's reaction be if you made a comment such as, "I can't imagine how a man could be so weak." ? Do you think she'd get the insinuation? Or, would it just be fuel on the fire?

Yep. The woman who was my best friend in high school was talking to me around Christmas time. She told me about how she was breaking up with her long time boyfriend because she was too busy with work and her start up. She told me that she thought he was the best man she ever met for being a father, and she'd be happy to marry him in maybe 10 years. She said she wanted to focus on her work and settle down when she is older and more secure in her career. That she didn't have enough time to be a good girlfriend.

I mentioned about how hard a time my uncle had finding a woman as he grew older because a lot of people paired off and many of the single ones were divorced or single for a good reason.

She waved that away, saying that she lives in a big city and people don't get married young there, so it wouldn't be a problem.

You should learn to look past that type of behavior. It's grating once you recognize just how immature and mean some people are. It can really bring you down. So you have to protect your focus from small-minded behavior.

Appreciate what good you have in your relationship and if you ever get dragged into that shit just show humility and don't brag about your happiness.

Yes. I've never heard about anything as mean as what you listed, but my roommate will frequently get in fights with her boyfriend where she will literally be screaming at him and he just puts up with it. I feel so bad and it just makes me cringe. Me and my ex had little arguments like any couple, but I never insulted him or disrespected him in any way and definitely didn't yell at him.

Yes! Oh, so much - even my own mom because all my life she has used her charm/manipulation to get free things and trick my Dad!

One December Day, I was at a tea shop searching for a good gift for my Dad, when I asked a bout the health benefits about some teas; the lady at the store talked about some women's health stuff and I asked:

"What about men's health?"

And she said:

"Who cares about men?"

My mom agreed with the shrew and I was upset, literally backing right out of that team woman moment.

Oh, and recently Elizabeth May, leader of the Green party in Canada (worst party) Was swearing and and being silly and drunk during her speech to be "Edgy and Different" She wasn't even truly sorry when she apologized! I am so embarrassed.^Ineedbetterrolemodels

Frankly the only time I don't feel embarrassed about womanhood is when I am with my best friend(s) she does not push away (much) from my RP ideas so it's okay.

I have had some recent instances where women around me ( my friends/roommates) have been in situations, that are extremely disgusting from an RPW point of view. Sometimes, I try explaining, other times i dont. I feel just glad, that I was never that blind.

Do you ladies just roll your eyes and laugh?

• In most cases I just observe and move on. I take into consideration how much the female at hand must really not like who they are, to be so un-enjoyable in life. An individual in that place in life, cannot be open to learning yet.

Should I feel bad for feeling a little biting? -Meh. I kinda chuckle to myself and mentally give a nod to a teacher of sorts. This person reinforced a lesson I am learning to better myself: respect of Self spreads to respect of my companion.

Do you ever try to give sound advice if asked?

• I am probably not the only one here who has done this...ONCE. I do consider myself a strong and independent female. And I carry myself as such, to all but my man. That is key. So when I have tried to go into the concept of truly respecting your man, or not mothering your man, I have definitely offended a friend or two over the years. Nobody likes to think they have a heavy hand in the touchy troubles of their relationship, much less have their friend somewhat stick up for the husband instead of them. (not the context in OP's question, but my experience has been with friends)

Should I just say a little prayer for the lost causes and be glad I'm not like them? -Yes. In their own way, they are one of the teachers you will encounter in life. Small but potent lesson: there is no love without respect.

I think that type of disrespectful behavior was always disgusting to me and the behaviors were predictable just more so now i have the terms to use to think about them more clearly. It's actually very relieving and validating to know that I'm not crazy for thinking that women are still motivated by animal desires and that other people feel the same way as me in regards to relationships and human nature. It's also interesting i always thought girls were weird friends because it's like we're competing and its true. When extremely misguided girls ask me for advice and i answer truthfully they either think I'm joking or they get scared.

Ex: a girl asked me why i think her dating profile wasn't leading to second dates. I told her her pictures were clearly deceiving and took off ten sizes, she should post more honest pics to not waste everybody's time.I told her it sounds like I'm saying a mean thing but in reality guys still talk to her that know she's big but by being deceitful she's not attracting them but guys who are looking for thinner girls. Then she was like nah that can't be it. So funny. That same girl is still obsessed with sexually competing with me and one time in desperation made a comment about trying to get my boyfriend i started laughing so hard and told her he would literally never look at her because he likes pretty thin girls and she never made a joke like that ever again. I love being a girl and not having the cognitive dissonance of girl power vs actual relationship happiness.

More than anything I find myself more judgmental about myself, and all of my errors just make me cringe so hard. There's nothing you can really do to change other's behaviours unfortunately :/

I have always been judgemental of other people in general. There are a lot of different reasons but when I find myself judging women for being horrible wives and horrible mothers, it goes back to my mother, my grandmother and in part, my great grandmother.

My mother was not a good mother, nor a good wife. She was lazy, self indulgent, and an addict. Her addiction along with my father's unintentionally granted me a boon though. I got to spend a couple years living with my grandparents, and they provided a wonderful contrasting example of how life could be. My mother was raised by these people, by my grandmother who was raised by her mother. My Nana is, in my mind, the pinnacle of what I want to be. She was in her seventies, still keeping her house, cooking the meals, down to baking her own bread. The idea that you would buy a load of bread, to her, was incredibly silly.

Anyway, these values were in my mother, she knew what she did was 'wrong' in that she was supposed to be a mother, a wife. She wasn't. She was out overlord roommate. All the housekeeping I can recall being done was done by my brother and I. As a parent I understand the importance of giving your children chores, but I should do the housekeeping along side them, not sit indolent on the sofa while they do. I find myself at the end of a long day loading my incredibly convenient dishwasher saying 'I can't wait until you're tall enough to do this.' and then I berate myself for such thoughts because that's my mother in my head.

It's okay to feel sorry for these women. It's okay to be judgemental. They give you cause. Even if you didn't know of and ascribe to red pill philosophy on relationships it would be okay. I haven't always. At one point I was dead set to be that independent and in charge woman, and even then I was disgusted by such behaviour. It's disrespectful. It's nonproductive. It's just plain stupid. It may be highlighted by your knowledge, but that doesn't change that it is what it is.

I loathe self indulgent mothers. But that might just be my mother.

Absolutely. I work with an incredible amount of BP ladies and have socially withdrawn in the workplace, for the most part. The woman who sits next to me is constantly talking about how her husband is an "idiot" or a "pig." When I first heard this I tried to be compassionate by saying, "It sounds like you're upset about something"-- but it elicited no productive conversation from her and she continued to complain and name-call. I felt awful; I'd met this man once when he brought their three children to our office (all the way from upstate!) during the holidays. I thought that was sweet.

What I've learned is that most of the time I have to smile, nod, and walk away to save myself time and energy. I also got used to nipping things in the bud and saying, "I wish I could talk, but I'm really busy right now." Most people get the hint. Some people don't (which ultimately convinces me that these people are truly on the inconsiderate, narcissistic end of the spectrum); I simply ignore these folks when they approach me to start talking. It may seem rude, but I won't waste my breath pretending to be interested and engaged in SO bashing.

P.S. Hello! I'm new here and so, so happy I found this subreddit. :)

I try to gently point out unkind characteristics. I wish someone had to me before I ruined some decent relationships. Things like lightly saying (as if in surpised) "wow you really don't like your husband much, much, do you?" Often it sobers them up and they come back right away with things they appreciate. Honestly though, more often than not it makes me more cognizant of the things I've been guilty of in the past. Glass houses and stones....

If a friend shares a story that's meant to insult or put down their SO - I sometimes try to remind them of a different story they've shared in the past (a positive one, where they were really happy with their SO). "David spilled wine on his shirt at the party? That's horrible, I remember when you lost your bracelet at the concert last year and you were so upset, but David helped you look for it and he ended up with beer all over his pants when someone bumped into to him. You never found the bracelet, but you two couldn't stop laughing and horsing around with each other."

Or, if applicable, I will point out that they have done similar things previously, but expected sympathy as a result, and not ridicule. Wording, body language, and tone matter a lot in these situations, as well as your history with the person in question. "Jeremy didn't remember to pick-up/do X? He might be stressed out with work, I know he's been logging a lot of hours recently. Remember when you had that big presentation? You were so frazzled you grabbed shoes that didn't match, but you got through it. Everyone has off-days, heck, I consider it a good day if I can remember where I parked my car when my schedule is over-loaded."

I only give advice when someone asks for it, and where we are will also play a big role (group setting at a party, for example, means my advice will be more brief/generic - with an offer to talk more later on. If we're having coffee by ourselves, then it's easier to have a more in depth conversation).

If you can remind them of a situation where they were happy with their SO, or gently point out that they've made mistakes as well (in my experience this is more effective if you also share an anecdote that highlights something silly/embarrassing etc that you've done) - then you change the intent of the conversation from putting down other people to reflecting about personal mistakes and sharing happier memories.