Before I make this post I know I'm down bad/autistic for writing some long ass thing like this. Did the normal advice of getting with other girls but I still care so that being said let me get into it.
Before this I was RP, still a virgin, me and my ex were planning to fuck but because of my strict parents it never happened. For some reason I had a reputation at my school as a player. Wanted LTR for consistent sex and drama/emotions(I enjoy them).
LTR 2.5 years, I was 16 her 17. She worships me, says I'm the most attractive guy she has ever done anyrh calls me sexy, cooks/cleans, buys me things, driven 4 hours to see me, switched colleges to stay w me, loyal AFIAK, tells me any interaction w another male which is annoying tbh, doesn't go out, no guy friends, no thot female friends, no social media, no tats, goes to the gym, sex on demand and she demands it from me as well. Does anything I want, all kinds of freaky/disgusting things. She needs me more than I need her and she knows it. I’ve never bought her anything. Other guys rate her 8-10, I would say she a 7/8. Stayed on my mission the whole time. I never actually asked her out, I don't know when exactly we starting calling each other bf/gf.
I know it’s pointless to worry too much about it because girls lie/you’ll never know for sure, but her story stays consistent over time, she gives any details I want, I think it may be the truth or close.
Asked her history after sex one day, she trickle truths(expected), called me unprompted later that week, gave a full, too detailed tbh story. Parents divorced in 6th grade, turned into a party slut till about 10th, she decided to stop being a hoe, cut off her old friends, deleted social media, and has been dry since then until me. I find it hard to believe, RP says sluts never change, but let’s assume the story is true for the sake of discussion. I thought ‘epiphany phase’ but that applies to women approaching the wall trying to secure resources, this girl I met in her sexual prime when I had no money or resources.
Makeout w 16 people, 6 of them handjob, 4 fingered her, 1 of them bj, 1 dry humped, 1 she grinded naked w no penetration, some she grinded/twerked on at parties as well. But 16 men with any sort of sexual contact total, from 6th to 10th. I am apparently the first to penetrate her and take her virginity, first guy she made cum, says she was uncomfortable in previous experiences and as a result they didn’t last long, and I sexually opened her up the most (Darkest Sexual Chapter).
Only thing that really bothers /disgusts me, she was 13/14, went out looking for dick (her words), got drunk/high, her and her friend went home with two 20 y/o. One fingered her and got a handjob at night, she passed out and same thing with the other guy the next morning. She says this experience was very traumatic, regrets it a lot, isn’t that person anymore etc, says even though she was taken advantage of she accepts responsibility for placing herself in that situation and doing what she did.
Cheated with 15+ girls and counting after hearing this lol to stop caring and decided to just enjoy fucking her for as long as I could and wait for her to do me wrong while keeping her at arm’s length. However, she has shown me so much loyalty/love/whatever that I still want her more than the other girls, she unfortunately adds value to my life. I realized it isn’t the inherent disgust of the girl being a slut, which all girls are, what I really care about is if I am the #1 alpha in her mind. If I am getting the best of her I can allow myself to get closer to her(still gonna cheat tho lololol).
My Timeline w Her
Got her number, kind of talking to other girls but did rly like her, kissed her after school few days later, I was the #1 option, she deleted all other guys when we started talking(she told me herself, I didn’t ask her to), even told me when an orbiter tried to kiss her and she rejected him, before we were exclusive, she wouldn’t have been wrong even if she kissed him but she told me unprompted which seemed like a green flag. Texting daily and sometimes hanging out for a few minutes after school at a park, making out and escalating but in a public setting so limited(lots of sexual tension). We both have strict parents.
1st real date ~ 2 weeks after starting to talk invited her to a show(I play guitar). First opportunity I had to get her alone because of my parents. Lot’s of making out and touching, has later told me she was very turned on, was going to bring her back to my friend’s house but her mom freaked out and made her leave early.
2nd real date 10 days after first, after another show we ended up making out in front of someone’s house, digging her nails into my back going crazy, I was playing w her boobs, she gave me LMR when I tried to move her hand to my dick or touch her pussy. I think the environment made her uncomfortable, didn’t have a chance to try again because my mom called me going crazy and I had to go home(she found out I had a physics test the next day). Bothers me that she gave me LMR when some other guys got to finger her first night but I had no drugs/alcohol plus I didn’t have a place to take her so maybe I can let it go. I think under better circumstances and if I had more time to break LMR I could’ve escalated further, but maybe I’m just coping. When we reminisce about this moment now she says "oh I wasn't going to let anything more happen, it would have been crazy if we had sex that night though" but those are just words out of the mouth of a woman so basically meaningless :).
Hung out once after the SAT a few days later, this time the park was empty so I fingered her she jacked me off and grinded on me, couldn’t go any further because we were literally outside in broad daylight, had to leave because of parents.
3rd real date? Invited her to friend’s house, within minutes I was fingering her, she gave me a handjob, LMR when I tried to move her head to my dick and my friend’s mom tried to come into the room so we stopped. Later that night I had her bent over the sink (both sober) in my friend’s bathroom with my friends in the room next to us, was about to put it in when I took the condom out and the packaging was ripped (I just can’t catch a break huh). She saw this and I think it triggered her ASD plus the fact that it was rushed and my friends were in the room near us made her uncomfortable, wouldn’t give me head, gave me a handjob once then and then later that night under the covers while talking to my friend, but no head or sex.
4th date a week after the 3rd, this was the first time I was able to get her alone for any extended period of time. Also had weed this time, got her alone in my friend’s room and we gave each other head, had to stop because my friend came in. Later that night got her alone again, I was struggling with the condom after a bunch of foreplay and she asked me to fuck her raw so I did. She thought my body count was 19 when this happened lol because of things she heard around school. Texted me the next morning saying it felt amazing and it was so special and she was so happy I was the one to take her virginity (allegedly). We were a “thing” at this point but no official commitment, she told me she loves me a few weeks later.
So ~7 weeks/4 dates, while texting and seeing her in school , since I got her number to seal the deal, imo because of logistics/strict parents I think (maybe I’m just coping). If her story is true and she was a virgin at the time and had been dry for a long time, then I am ok that it took this amount of time to do it, but I also feel like I was made to wait like a beta and she’s more attracted to those other dudes in the past. However if that was true, I don’t think I would receive the treatment from her that I do, and she def wouldn't do all the disgusting things she does for me in bed. I have no resources to offer that she could want, don't spend a dime on herm just text/sext her and call her sometimes but I genuinely enjoy this. Plus she didn’t force commitment before sex, and if she’s a virgin I’m getting the best of her because she let me go raw(high attraction)in her the first time I actually got her alone, even though it took longer than I would've liked.
What do you guys think? Am I the #1 alpha that simply was unable to fuck her earlier because she truly is a different person and the logistics were fucked up by strict parents and I was unable to break LMR/ASD because I was inexperienced? Or am I some beta she made wait for something other's have gotten the first night and is now being strung along for commitment? I have no idea, my gut and friends tell me it's the first option, but I can't shake the nagging feeling its the latter. I am just confused and retarded, sorry for the long ass post.