Had a nasty injury that my insurance wouldn't cover. Got it fixed but was broke. I opened up to my GF. Less than a month later in our 2yrs dating she told me she didn't love me anymore lmao. Hurt at the time but it really opened my mind and I'm glad I had that experience. If any gent reads this, do not open up under any circumstances. And yes even the "right girl for you" dont tell her either. Bottle it up to her and find a way to work through it without her
I'm not religious, but God bless those women. They have all the reason to let themselves be caught up with Feminist-hysteria. Still, they have the strength to realize what is actually going on.
I see your point. Some things affect women negatively. But the idea that there is a Patriarchy which conspires to oppress women and minorities? I don't buy it. Feminist ideology itself is a source of oppression, in my view. This is what I mean with what is actually going on.
Not a patriarchy by design perhaps, but there is definitely a system of oppression in place. At its core is a broken economic and political system.
I'm all for incremental change to improve the quality of life and mental health of as many people as possible, but it does feel to me a bit like pruning a poisoned bush at this point. Bigger positive changes will underline and snowball into smaller positive changes, rather than having any small positive changes facing resistance and petty argument at every step of the way as we are finding now.
Ah, and I agree. Feminist ideology, at least outside of the rare, progressive niche, is flawed.
However, some women face oppression when it comes to misogyny in the workplace and other areas of life.
Meanwhile, men face similar and parallel misandry, albeit in a quieter manner which is far too often overlooked due to the outspokenness of those protesting the former.
Once again, my argument to you is not that either of these do not exist, but that both exist at once. Thus, the word Also, to replace the word Actually in your original comment would be more accurate.
Men and Women both face repression. My point is that we acknowledge both in order to move toward egalitarianism.
I'm not that well versed in modern progressive theory but doesn't modern feminism state that both women and men are affected negatively by the patriarchy? For example, if the idea that men should be strong and show no vulnerability stems from a belief that women are fragile and need to be protected, can you not say that it also to a degree stems from the patriarchy which defined women as such?
I'm all for men's rights, and a lot of women get feminism very wrong, but from what I've seen from people like contrapoints and philosophy tube feminism isn't just about making men feel bad and I feel it unjust to claim that it is.
Modern feminism regrettably devolved into a game of Us V. Them. To the average radical feminist, the patriarchy is represented by all men (starting with white men).
Unfortunately, many people do not read the actual literature, and merely repeat their interpretation of here-say.
Meanwhile, much of Men’s Rights Activism (especially on this Subreddit) has devolved similarly.
However, that may in itself be a generalization.
My point is the we acknowledge both sexes and try to solve the challenges facing each. The true goal is egalitarianism.
I disagree. Seems pretty obvious when you look at positions of power and the lack of female representation is glaring.
As men we have our struggles for sure, but I don't understand the logic of trying to tear down women and minimize their issues. Kind of seems hypocritical.
Did you ever think that maybe women don’t want those positions of power because usually they come with a humongous amount of responsibility that is incredibly stressful?
agreed. Most women have similar reasons but won't express it or communicate with understanding men bcz society oppresses it one way or other, same case with men, only difference is as men go in higher standards in commercial scale the chances and severity of situations also increases, therefore most men keep quiet while they suffer internally.
I disagree. Seems pretty obvious when you look at positions of power and the lack of female representation is glaring.
No doubt that disparity exists. But do we have proof that it is because of sexism? Women work less hours and choose jobs that aren't as lucrative. It is because of their own choices that they aren't in positions of power, as I've come to understand it.
No doubt that sexism exists, but I haven't yet seen proof that it can explain the disparity in power. You can read Dr.Lippa's study with the BBC to gain an idea of personality differences between men and women, and how this affects work-orientation.
As men we have our struggles for sure, but I don't understand the logic of trying to tear down women and minimize their issues. Kind of seems hypocritical.
I didn't tear down women's issues. I criticized Feminist ideology. I fully support Women's rights, but I'm entirely against Utopic ideologies.
I think there's a lot of dudes in high places ( rich ceo/ business men) that don't want girls in that club, but that their selfish views don't represent the lot of us. I too want women to earn the same for the same work. In my job they earn more just for being girls (trade) because men overrepresent the field. But I guess something needs to motivate women to do those jobs no one wants to do.
my job they earn more just for being girls (trade) because men overrepresent
And this right here is the problem. Why would you want to motivate a person for a job they otherwise wouldn't choose. What would you feel about men being overpaid as nurses or in daycares, because women are over-represented
I think there's a lot of dudes in high places ( rich ceo/ business men) that don't want girls in that club
See, there is no club of this sort. It exists where there is old money, and they don't want to let anyone new enter irrespective of gender. And since they have that kind of money, they know what can buy out different types of people.
I see your point and agree on the fact that men's mental health advocacy is desperately needed. But please try to re think the term feminist hysteria as it's a deeply sexist term you've coined there. Hysteria has been used to discredit all kinds of mental health problems, most notably in women but also men.
Edit: I've read through some of your comments and I see that your not open to educating yourself on the realities of others. If you would like to discuss the very real systemic oppression of women/lgbt/poc I would love to help you see what we experience.
Feminist hysteria! Lmao, the irony of a man who spends his time breathlessly whining on the internet about feminists calling anyone else hysterical is hilarious. You poor, tiny-dicked bastards just can't help embarrassing yourselves, huh? Real lol.
Ahh, women preach not to body shame, but then yall come at men with tiny dick jokes? Doesnt it get tiring using the same 3-4 jokes every single time? Honestly it's sad and unoriginal
I once made the mistake of opening up to my girlfriend about how some of the things she did and said hurt me. It resulted in me getting blown up at for over an hour and a half, and then her being hurt that I was distant for ages afterwards.
I would strongly suggest you find a way out if that type of behavior keeps happening, I was in a similar situation and it only got progressively worse. 5 years going on 6 we had been together and when I finally decided to open up about my feelings in general, not even about her, she dropped the 'nice' mask and just started gradually showing her true colors. She got more distant, started hitting me when she got upset, which, I thought was just a joke at first because it wasn't hurting me but it just got worse because she realized it wasn't phasing me. It started taking less effort for things to upset her to the point where doing things without her with people other than family would piss her off, and she started hanging out with an online friend group that I wasn't allowed to join. I eventually started getting bruises from her but I couldn't kick her out because she'd threaten to call the police and hurt herself. One of her friends managed to contact me through Xbox and told me that she was cheating on me, using me for a place to bum rent-free and then telling our mutual friends that I was being abusive to her.
I confronted her over text while she was out of the apartment, then she blew up my phone for about 2-3 hours telling me how much of a PoS she thought I was, how she never loved me, that no one would care what happened to me, that she was going to lie to my family that I took advantage of her, told me to kill myself, then ended it by telling me to go to my parents' house because she was 'feeling murderous' that night.
I left while she was out and put the most valuable stuff I had the apartment over at my parents' place after telling them what was up, then went to the bank and changed my card just in case she had access to it, and saved the conversation on my phone for evidence in case the police had to be involved. I waited until she came back, told her she had until the weekend to find a new place and of course she blew up again, but I threatened using the police this time, with my laptop recording the altercation out of sight for the audio. I ended up getting slapped across the face and she trashed her room but she eventually left at midnight with most of her stuff.
Please don't let it get as bad as me before you do something to help yourself. I lost contact with most of my friends and still occasionally have nightmares about having to live in that scenario, I don't want others to have to go through that if it can be helped.
Honestly, man up, and set some limits, and control your part of the relationship. You are better off single than with someone who hurts you. Btw, this counts as emotional abuse. Basically tell her that you won't take any more of her shit, and walk out if she blows up again. Create some space.
Hey man... no you’re not. It takes guts to break up with someone, but you do not deserve to be torn down like that. What’s making you afraid to end it?
A couple of things... sunk cost fallacy, since I've been in it for so long; guilt, since she probably wouldn't be able to find a guy like me (if I may flatter myself); fear of being alone; stubbornness; and a tendency to suck it up and accept shitty things.
If she can't find a guy as great as you afterwards, that's her problem. When you decide to break up with her, her life is no longer your responsibility. You do not have to protect or save anyone, especially if they mistreat you.
If you are a great guy, then you will not be lonely, you will be able to find someone else.
I was in a 7 year relationship that turned toxic then abusive. It is not going to get better, and you are not going to get those years of your life back. Don't wait until you're on the brink of suicide to break up, the mental scars are not worth it.
It's your responsibility to look after yourself. It is not your responsibility to try to make someone's life better despite them abusing you. They make the choice of being abusive towards you, they can face the consequences of that choice when you leave them. If there are no consequences to their choices, they'll just keep getting more and more abusive.
If you are a great guy, then you will not be lonely, you will be able to find someone else.
The only issue I take with your whole post is that, because it's the just universe fallacy. There are no guarantees in life whatsoever, and you can do everything right and still lose.
It is very true, but I think that seeing it as a 'win' or as a 'lose' is part of the problem. It's not about winning by finding someone else, it's about trying to find people who are compatible. You can't 'fail' at that because if you find people who are not compatible, you wouldn't win if you were with them, and if you find people who are compatible, it's a win even if it doesn't end up in a romantic relationship.
You can do everything right and still lose, but that reminds me of a good ted talk by Simon Sinek on infinite games. Basically, a finite game is a small set where there are defined players with defined possibilities, and clear win/lose scenarios, and when those scenarios are reached the game ends.
Life isn't like that. There's an unknown number of players, with an unknown number of possibilities, very few clear win/lose scenarios, and the game goes on until you die.
Seeing it as a win/lose thing in life is seeing a finite game, instead of an infinite game, and it affects how you see things and how you act.
Just looking at the date of that tweet and with everything that’s happened since then and with everything that’s going on now, it seems like 2017 was decades ago.
Women only want men to open up about their emotions when it's line with their own and WHEN they want to hear about it.
That one friends episode that featured Bruce Willis opening the floodgates is a prime example of why men should never open up, not just because of Rachels reaction but the fact it makes fun of a very serious and dark issue men are dealing with and completely belittles it.
I have said it before and I will say it again. If you are not okay with listening and trying to empathize when someone talks to you about things like being molested, attempted suicide, and other deeply troubling issues how fucking dare you complain about them not opening up because it is way harder to open up about these things than it is to listen.
You do not know what problems someone else has faced in life. When women say they want men to be open about their emotions they do not mean it the vast majority of the time. What is in their head is things like they will cry for a few days when someone dies and say how much the person meant to them, they will be sad when a dog dies in a movie, etc.
My dad died only a few blocks away from where I lived as a kid. I saw where it happened over 1000 times a year. I still very clearly remember when he died, the puddle of blood, etc. I can even tell you every meal I had that day. I can go over the next several weeks, the house fire only a short while after that destroyed everything I had to remember him except for my guitar that he gave me for Christmas the year before.
It is an uncomfortable topic both to talk about and to listen to. I can guarantee that most people that complain about men not opening up would not want that discussion, and that a lot of people would use such things in an argument just to try to cause pain.
Yes... GENERALLY, with many exceptions.... women talk about their problems for the sake of gaining emotional validation or empathy not so much to solve their problem, so they will talk even if they know how to solve the problem or do not want to.
Men tend to talk about their problems in ways to practically solve their problems. This could even involve just ranting, as they realise that ranting in this specific instance has a purpose. Just getting men to open up and talk about their problems is useless, if you want men to open up more, teach them about problem solving techniques (e.g Tony Robbins or a million other people)
Also, another issue, is the reaction men get when they open up and the services offered to them. In the UK 12 homeless men and 1 homeless woman die a week, and there are 700,000 male victims of domestic violence.... the government just announced 1500 beds for women and 0 for men. In USA there are over 2000 DV shelters for women and 2 for men. Despite men being 87% of UK homelessness, documentaries and a articles on homeless and even the government report focused on women... this translates to the local gov services and charities etc focusing on women.... so there are far less options and point for men to start opening up.
Furthermore, many of the cases of e.g. male suicide are not going to be solved by talking, they are due to certain things disproportionality affecting men.... if they happened to women just as much, then women would be killing themselves in huge numbers too, e.g. vets, family courts, homelessness.... for example in USA 22 vests kill themselves everyday... obviously almost all male, same with deaths after family courts, its almost always men who lose their home, family, most of their income etc.... so the solution is not talking more, it is solving the systematic issues... e.g. male homelessness, milatry (underfunded vets services, sending men to dumb wars, under equipped etc. forced male only conscription all over even Europe and the world)... solve those SYSTEMTIC issues
here's a story from a vet in USA... pretty standard for these guys to receive paltry money for this, horrendously inadequate medical care, no housing etc.... do you thinking "not opening up" is why men like this commit suicide?:
"I remember lying on my side, dust everywhere, and I looked down and saw my arms were split open and squirting blood and I had just two bloody stumps above my knees," said Marine 1st Lt. James Byler, 26, who was blown up a few weeks before Mark Litynski.
There came a bright flash and searing heat, then the upward blast ripped off both of Mark's legs and most of his left arm, slashing into his remaining arm, shattering his pelvis and driving a rock and other debris up into his abdominal cavity. Amid the bloody carnage, all the skin was ripped from his penis and his testicles were gone.
Family courts need major revamp. The system is truly absurd against men and a huge case of suicide... of course no mention of this in the media:
My ex-wife used to use my father's and step father's physical abuse against me all the time. We'd argue, she'd fly off the handle, lean into her delusions, scream at me, and I'd go into the bedroom to get away from her and slam the door just to hear her yell on the other side, "You're exactly like your fathers!!"
She never met them and anything she knew of them was what I told her. One of them was an extremely violent person, and the other was a child molester. It'd break my heart hearing her say that cause the last thing I wanted in life was to be anything like them. She knew that and would use it against me to really make it sting...
Edit: If you're going through the same, please know you don't deserve that kind of guilt. Even at our worst, we are likely nothing like our abusers. I've been in a MUCH better relationship for years now with someone who has never used my past abuse to make me feel like less. I hope you discover the kind of happiness and peace that leads to healing and security. Stay strong.
Problems men face due to society's expectation is that a man must always remain strong. But the problem is that the man must also resolve his problems on his own.
This is particularly a problem when you dont have a supportive network positive role models etc.
It can all seem too much sometimes which is why men have higher suicide rates that society chooses not to understand.
It's quite scary that the future for men that's if you're arent strong enough mentally then you're sort of left behind.
I noticed that if you open up, they do not know when to keep it to themselves. They share it to get others opinion or just get some sympathy. You have to specifically tell them to not talk to others about it and even then, it's still a risk.
​
Women open up too much while men too little. I know which of the two I prefer.
This is my mom in a nutshell, i never let my guard down around her because of it. We go out to eat and she’ll be like you can get a beer you know I’m like no thanks, I would never feel comfortable drinking with her
I used to write this stuff down, but it's very high risk of anybody finds it, and after a serious incident, I stopped and put all the old books where no-one can find them anymore.
That is one of the worst parts of telling a women anything. If you don't want to half the block, the salon, friends and friends husbands to know, keep that shit to yourself.
Totally, any fucked up treatment of one gender is also a slap at the other. Like girls deal with guys being creeps, and the other side of it is now all guys are treated like creeps.
Amen to that. When it comes down to it. I would rather bottle it up. It's not healthy but better than the world knowing my problems. Tho. I'm lucky. I have 1 person who I know will never share my problems with anyone.
It sucks that most people go through their lives thinking the only person they can 100% trust is themselves. I wish I had someone I could open up to without ruining our friendship.
Which is sad, because I find it way easier to deal with my feelings and thoughts if I write them down. It sort of puts a structure on what I’m thinking and feeling. Helping my conscious mind connect with my subconscious.
Oh for sure writing definitely helps and I encourage it. I personally need to get over the anxiety of those thoughts even existing in writing. One of many things to do on the mental repair list.
Show me one time where we said we are perfect? And no we aren’t bashing women, a lot of us have or had girlfriends. We are just tired of men getting the short end of the stick.
I don’t see any woman bashing. The girls in the tweet literally just pointing out something that men MAY face, if you think that’s “bashing women” and “sexist” then you’re part of the problem. If you can’t acknowledge the societal conditions men are living in then you’re obviously too “privileged” to be speaking on it.
This sub needs to be changed to"inadequate men congregate online in an effort to offset their awkwardness by findings random postings pandering to their egos"
Fragile? Hey, I'm just visiting a support group where men feel like women aren't saying and doing exactly what they perceive as ideal, by all accounts you live there.
That's not a "woman" issue. That's a "shit person" issue. Anyone who uses the vulnerabilities of someone they claim to love against them in a moment of petty anger is a fuckwit.
All of these discussions about “women” are framed entirely around dating. It’s no wonder people here have a bad perception towards women when their frames of reference are basically their ex girlfriends and their mother.
Like perhaps try and make friends who are female but where the goal is friendship and not just being nice in the hopes she might have sex with you eventually. Maybe even one who isn’t pretty and is just a chill person.
Both sexes disproportionately primarily are friends with their own sex and friends of the opposite sex are largely due to attraction when it comes to men due to evolutionary reasons.
There is a reason young women will bitch to MALE friends about how all guys are assholes and then get pissed off if called out for insulting the person when the truth is simply THEY choose to date assholes.
Beyond that it is safe to say you are probably a woman and do not understand how male brains work. The sexes do not act or feel the same way towards each other. Due to how we have evolved with the female sex being the one taking more risks in reproduction there is a massive difference in how we view the other sex subconsciously.
Most off the homeless are men, domestic violence against men leads to men being arrested due to an ideologically based theory that the male is always the aggressor that the woman responsible for spoke against later in life admitting it was based on ideology not evidence, suicide rates are higher for boys, boys are significantly more likely to fail classes, less likely to go to college,etc. Men are given much harsher prison sentences when convicted of crimes than women. Mutilating the genitals of baby boys is accepted as a normal thing simply because they are boys.
There are a massive amount of issues that men face, that we get attacked for speaking up about.
For fucks sake the very fact that men have to register for the draft and women don't is the legalized reality we all know. The life of a random woman is always valued more than the life of a man.
It is disgusting and immoral that anyone claiming to support equality would be okay with a legalized second class with the obligation to die for the other on command.
They probably don't show their toxicity at first? I've never had a situation like this so idk. Then again, I always try to avoid useless arguments in the first place, so maybe that's why. And if a women starts using stuff against me when we aren't even arguing, then she's probably just insane ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I always go for the hottest one I can manage. It goes to shit though and when I have met girls that are like normal but great personality I havent been interested. Its just made me think that's where I'm going wrong
All of my exs did this. Almost every woman in my life has been manipulative in some way. My own mother couldnt admit to the things shes done to me when i finally confronted her about it.
Also, not everyone feels the need to let their emotions rule them. Just because I'm upset does not mean I cannot take a deep breath and move on with my life. I don't have to stop and talk about every problem I have. In fact, I find I'm more capable the less time I have to sit down and complain.
That doesn't mean that there aren't times where it's necessary to have conversations about your feelings. But not everyone has the same level of necessity.
Sadly this happened to my roommate, he opened up about depression and suicidal thoughts with his partner and every time they were arguing she threw all on him like „I hope you kill yourself“ „you will never get something done with your bitch depression“ and so on. I always could hear that woman in the whole apartment. One day I had a long talk with him and after that he broke up and I was there for him. But how many of those guys don’t have a roommate that know what’s up. He would’ve never come to me to talk about it if it wasn’t that loud. I hope who ever is in such a situation will have the power to get out of suche toxic environment. Stay strong brothers
I'm glad people are starting to recognize the reason we stay silent
Me for example, I have my issues (mostly depression, if you want to know), but I try to avoid sharing that with a partner or potential partner because nothing good ever really comes from sharing it, thus making it a needless risk
I feel like often times these posts are often just for attention since "hating on men" is so mainstream now that doing the reverse gets more attention for the girl.
What do they mean when they say a woman will use a man opening up against him? Do they mean they will say hes pathetic or something? I havent had a girlfriend yet and my parents havent done anything like this. Although my dad never seems to be upset so im guessing he hides it like a lot of others
Have you never met a woman like that? They don't lose arguments because they never back down. They can use almost any tactic, including violence, with near impunity. Women can hurt you a lot more than you could ever hurt them.
Take it from a man, that's why men are afraid of women.
If your partner stabs you it is not going to hurt a lot more if your partner is a woman.
That a woman might get more impunity is clearly fucked up. And needs to change. But that doesn't mean there are no men who would use any tactic including violence, to really hurt you a lot, not caring for the consequences.
Just as there are a lot of women that would never use violence.
It is stupid to be afraid of women. Be afraid of violent and unstable people no matter the gender and best stay far away from them.
Get off this subreddit. If you internalize what everyone in this thread is saying before you even start dating then you'll have an extremely toxic view of women. Women are people and some people do bad things. Not a single woman in my life has abused my trust like this.
I dont have a toxic view of women. In fact, all women ive met havent done any of this as far as im aware. That doesnt mean we should just disregard the ones that do though, and just because nobody has betrayed your trust doesnt mean other people arent. In fact, you are incredibly lucky no woman has betrayed your trust since most people (women and men) would.
EDIT: nvm, i just thought of about 10 examples of where people related to me alone have betrayed trust, and even more to do with friends of my family. Either you are incredibly lucky or completely lying to prove a point
Same here. A girlfriend at the time insisted I open up. I was apprehensive at first, but eventually did. She was supportive as I was opening up, but her demeanor changed shortly afterwards. It wasn’t long before she used what I told her to insult and degrade me.
I know it’s not conducive to a healthy relationship, but now I keep shit locked down. It’s like I do the bare minimum, so as to appease my partner, but protect myself at the same time.
Goddamn. This is good to keep in mind, but also scary. I’ve tried opening up to people/friends and they’ve all just spit on me when I told them and had zero sympathy. Thought maybe once I got a girlfriend I could open up but this makes me scared now. I guess no one in the world truly gives a shit.
Girlfriend thing is a bad move. I thought the same thing but no girl wants to be your therapist. You could be Dwayne Johnson but if you tell a girl about your insecurities, she will stop being attracted to you.
Honestly, dude, find a good therapist. I started seeing one last year and it’s been a game changer. You get to open up to someone that won’t make you feel weak or small, and they’ll offer guidance to help you help yourself to solve your own problems.
It’s a win win. You get shit off your chest, the person won’t talk shit about you, and you’ll hopefully get your mind right.
It’s so liberating when the person you are telling these things to has no personal, emotional involvement in your life. After the very first session I felt so much relief.
Had a therapist but they didn’t do shit for me. She forgot everything we talked about by each following session and she seemed to not understand anything I was saying and just offered me a bunch of cliche platitudes. Guess I have to find a “good” one.
If you know some sort of trick to screen all partners for their potential to exhibit vile behavior, please share with the rest of us. Not every person shows their toxicity right away. Some shite behavior rears it’s ugly head a year or more down the road. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping stress/fears/etc from your partner as long as it doesn’t rot the relationship from the inside out.
Therapy is a godsend if you need someone to talk to, and it’s damn near risk free. You get stuff off your chest, don’t run the risk of being judged by someone close to you, and you get guidance to possibly solve those problems or concerns.
Yep. That is what a relative of mine did to her husband. Every time he opened up, she would berate him.Then she would complain that he stopped opening up. She took it as proof that he was cheating on her and used that to "justify" cheating on him leading to their divorce.
The funny part was she expected to get everything plus child support and alimony being a woman and all. Instead, she did not get any of that and had to pay him back for his half of the house.
Are any other women here really bothered by this mentality? A part of me hates that so many guys think we're all evil manipulative monsters, but I also know that she might have a point.
For example, my bf didn't exactly have the best feelings toward women in general when we met because his whole life up to that point he had dealt with women (in his family, in relationships, literally everywhere) who were exactly like that or worse. And I sort of understand why so many guys have that mentality, but it's also really sad that I'm associated with people like that just because of my gender, even though I would never do something like that. It's probably sort of like when feminists say all men are violent etc.
Completely agree with you, it absolutely sucks. If I'm walking at night and there's another woman, she might be afraid that I'll try to rape her, just because I'm a guy. It sucks to be seen as a potential rapist just because of my gender, and its really frustrating, but I can understand wanting to protect oneself.
What really pissed me off though is women behaving in that way, but then when men express they have had similar experiences with women using their vulnerability against them many feminists act like that's totally impossible, it would never happen, women are sweet and kind and caring and would never hurt their man, etc etc etc. It's really frustrating to hear feminists talk about how its ok for women to protect themselves, and then turn around to deny that men were hurt and call them sexist and misogynist when guys try and do the exact same thing they advocate for.
It's really shitty. Can't we agree that there are a lot of shitty people in the world, regardless of gender? Can we try and address the shitty people without trying to make it a gender war?
It pissed me off, but seeing comments like yours does give me hope, that there are still people who can look beyond the insane bullshit and recognize that people hurting people is not ok, regardless of gender.
My wife grew up in a culture where no one discusses their feelings and the fathers/husbands don’t show emotion. She gets visibly frustrated with me if I cry and mad at me for being weak.
My wife and I check in with each other to see how we’re feeling and to see if there’s anything bothering us that the other can fix. Females like that exist.
This is so true. Glad to see it spoken out loud (so to speak).
I think I have found the female opposite though. During a long phase of dating and short relationships after a divorce, I learned something I thought was amazing from a lady I had talked to long distance for months and we friend zoned each other. She was talking to me about her current relationship with someone she considered to be a great guy when I finally connected the dots in her narrative.
I asked her in shock: "you have to decide every day if you want to stay in your relationship don't you? It has always been like this for you, hasn't it? It is the same with every woman you know, isn't it?" There was a long silence followed by a tentative "yes... Isn't it the same for you and all guys in general?"
I was gobsmacked. Maybe some guys go through that, but me and all other guys I know get to know a woman to the point we want to be her partner and decide to be partners. It's a one-time decision that we don't really reconsider except under unusual circumstances or if the dynamics of the relationship dramatically change.
Yes, it's exhausting as a guy to have to measure your every utterance knowing it is being meticulously indexed and cataloged for probable retrieval in the future in an attack on you. But it must surely be exhausting to live in an emotional Groundhog Day where you have to decide every. single. day. if you want to remain in a relationship you committed to perhaps even years ago.
I'm not suggesting these are corrolaries or even equals, but such were my thoughts when I contemplated the truth in OP's thoughts.
Daily re-evaluation...this was interesting to read. And kinda horrifying. I wonder how true that is in general. I sure know my share of women that give you that underlying feeling that you're never good enough...
I once cried about a very serious issue and she noticably lost all attraction. She even said that she thinks that men that can show their emotions are "brave" but as women always do, she lied
Hit the nail on the head here chief and been I personally have had a woman call me a bitch for talking about how I feel about something. Didn’t even cry. Hell of a time we live in
I cried in front of my son when I was seeing him once. His mom told me if I cried in front of him again she'd never ket me see him. He was 2. I cry sometimes man what can I do? I miss him. I was sad as fuck too. I don't get why it's so hard to work together and be patient and understanding.
Bro if you ever need to cry I'm here. And all my friends support and love each other. So if you need a friend my man I got you. You shouldn't feel bad for having emotions, and you definitely shouldn't feel alone.
Much love and sincere appreciation man. I have a 16 year old daughter that was born when I was 17. She’s now a mother too (!!!). I’ve been to hell and back with the hardships of an awful mother to my child and a particularly terrible set of personal circumstances, I’m very sorry to hear the mother of your child could be so awful to you.
I cried when my grandmother died in my home after a long battle under hospice care when I was 23. My ex shortly after began cheating on me and cited this as a reason why she lost respect for me as a man. Good riddance..
That's insane man! But yeah good riddance for sure.
I actually just broke up with a girl I was madly in love with because I'd ask for affection some times, I have no family to speak of I was adopted and that's a long story for sure. But I'd ask for affection and she would make me feel bad for it. She'd say "I'm affectionate when I feel like it" I was like babe, can you please tell me you love me? And no matter how down I was it would have made everything ok. She wouldn't do it and I just couldn't keep it up because we were long distance.
Congrats on being a grandpa man!!!!!!! I was born in 87 bro. I don't know if you're name reflects the year you were born or not but if so that's awesome man!!
Reminds me of my ex, Debra. She would sit on my brothers davenport at his mobile home, drinking my natty lights. Then call me a bitch for having a chicken attempt to rape me. Fuck you, Debra.
So I’m a woman, and I absolutely hate that when I try to talk to my boyfriend he doesn’t really say anything. I’ve never used anything against him, I’ve never judged him. Fuck the women who make men feel this way
While I would like to believe this, but through my own experiences, I don't blame him for keeping it all in. Vary rarely does something good come from it.
I know! Sometimes I just want to hold him in my arms like a big baby and hug him and let him cry it all out and just, let him know everything will be ok!
It hurts when I see him trying to hold everything in (thankfully it’s not often, I pray) . He’s always been there for me, no matter what. He let me cry into his shoulder when I was having issues at home. I want soooooo bad to do that for him, but society teaches our boys that emotions are weakness. I hope this changes soon ;(
Idk how popular or unpopular a thing this is to say around here, but: I have never felt more comfortable in my skin as a man, sexier, more masculine, less toxic and further from societally ingrained misogyny than I have since I started restoring my foreskin. I recommend all circumcised men do it to restore what was taken and what they are owed in their existence as men.
My ex did that to me, she would talk to her friends about how "soft" I was emotionally, and how easy to manipulate I was. I only found all of this out after she left me and some of her former friends ran into my depressed, near-suicidal self at the store.
For real though. I have had girls open up to me and I'll never share that shit. If they trust me enough to tell me I'm not gonna put that in jeopardy but them? Hell it's a open season on who can spread shit faster. Only 2 girl hasn't spread things about me(that I know of) only ones I trust atm
Opened up to my ex about mom issues I had growing up. Everytime there was an argument I was at fault because "you're wrong you're damaged goods because of your mom". When it was her starting all the fights. MGTOW
Most men uderstand what is told in confidence, even if its a normal conversation it doesnt need to be said. I find you have to specifically say what you dont want made public with women, not all, not even 50%, but a small number, but thus small percentage is 20 times bigger than mens 'small percentage of men'
Only women can be manipulative partners. Does that sentence really make any sense to anybody? This is not a gendered issue, but this subreddit makes it out to be a primarily female problem. Y’all are wild. And misogynistic.
I don't think there's a single person in this thread who said that only women can be manipulative. This is a subreddit for men's issues, and most of those issues come from women, because most men are in heterosexual relationships.
It's not that only women can be manipulative partners, it's that the majority of men are with women as partners. As such, when men are manipulative partners, women will complain about men, and women have all the safe spaces they want to talk about that. They can yell in public that all men are trash if they so feel like it, and get validated by other women.
Are guys not allowed to complain about the women who manipulate them? Does it make me a misogynist to complain about how my abusive ex was abusive and manipulative? Or am I supposed to shut up and take it like a man?
You can allow guys to express their emotions, or you can tell guys they shouldn't, and reinforce toxic gender roles and the patriarchy. Your choice.
Yeah I have lived that life. Really messed up the way I think about things.
Part of me really wants to be asked how I'm doing and give a real awnser, but I really know that it's best to give blanket statements.
As a guy you just have to get use to being seen as a utility more than a person and anything you say will be used against you.
Usually they pull that shit after the friendship/relationship ends. It's not only romantic partners, but female friends that pulled that kinda bullshit with me, back when I was dumb enough to think female friends could be trusted as much as male ones. Even the male friendships I had that ended in full out fistfights, neither of us ran around telling other people about stuff talked about in confidence. Out of all the male friends I have had and lost, only one dude was like that, and he was just trying to get in my girl's pants. Total snake that one. Numerous females though, running around spreading vile gossip, half truths and things said in confidence.
Now, sure. Back then, not so much. And these days I don't put myself in the position to be fucked over, so not really an issue. I want to have some fun, I hang with a girl/mixed comapany. I need to talk serious or whatever, I got a circle of male friends for that kinda thing.
I believe that real men are not afraid of opening up because it takes courage and strength to show weakness.
Don't misunderstand, being a weak cry baby is not a position of strength. It's only when you can show that you are able to be be unfazed from the shit that comes next is when a strong character rises from the ashes.
Men are competitive and that's why then want to show strong character. But a strong character has no competitors, that's why real strong men can do what ever they want. They won't be fazed by your stupid definition of the world.
Until you realize they are conditioned from birth to believe to not open up or cry because it’s “not manly” and are told that they should be willing to throw away their lives for women and others because they are worthless. It’s difficult to recondition behavior taught at birth.
I know you think you mean well, but the moment you try to say "a real man is/would do X", you're outright saying any man that doesn't fit your pigeonhole description is less than a man. That either implies you're classing them as female instead or just plain subhuman. Benefit of the doubt, you likely don't actually mean that, you're probably just trying to say that men should be symbols of strength, but I'm just letting you know what you're actually coming off as.
There are genetics that dictate what "REAL" men are. And on top of that we have culture.
And I don't care what I'm coming off as, as longs as my statement is true.
That's completely understandable and I feel for you that you feel like you can't open up to your partner. But the tweet implies that this is typical behaviour from women which I just can't confirm at all.
Listen man, it's impossible for me to judge your situation or experiences you made. And I think it's quite important that men learn to open up and that the world learns that men have emotions too and it's not a sign of weakness. But if it's a reoccurring theme in your life, it might be due to some choices you unintentionally make in your life. Or maybe it's the way you open up or the other person not realising that you're making yourself vulnerable, what do I know. But the biggest point is that if you have to hide things about yourself from your partner, maybe you're just not a great match. In theory you should be able to just own whatever it is in front of your partner because it's a part of who you are and if they can't accept it there's probably someone more suitable for you out there.
General feminist concepts are integral to our discussion. Our approach is intersectional and recognizes privilege as relative to the individual. If you're confused by certain terms, we'll refer you to other resources - but this isn't the place to debate terminology. We don't require you to identify as a feminist, as long as you can engage with our approach in good faith and abide by our civility guidelines. Furthermore, gender-essentialism is not welcome here.
First of all, MensLib is NOT a men's sub, it is a feminist sub first and foremost. For starters, they banned a male rape victim because he spoke out about how his feminist friends mistreated and ignored him. Because it made feminists look bad.
And far more importantly, they don't allow discussion on many topics such as the Duluth Model, circumcision, or male paternal surrender. Because once again, the Duluth Model makes feminists look bad, therefore you're not allowed to talk about it. Even though it's a men's sub and the Duluth Model is a sexist model that directly hurts men.
How do you expect to have an open and honest conversation about male abuse victims if you are literally not allowed to talk about it on there? Just like every other feminist subreddit, they ban disagreement and any form of going against the narrative, because they can't handle discussion or debate.
Well since you say there are other "far more important" things than the one dude who apologized to a rapist, and got downvoted to all hell, let's just move past that example. Not sure why you included it as it's a very weak piece of evidence that the sub is "bad."
Just because it's a feminist sub doesn't mean it's not also a men's sub. That's a very silly and unnecessary false binary you set up there. (Zinger on the side: I'll bet that's not the only false binary you bring up in discussions.) And given how poorly you're using examples to represent malfeasance, forgive me if your telling of the banning a male rape victim "because it made feminists look bad" doesn't ring all the truth bells. Where's the link so I can see the exchange? Is it as bad and irrelevant as the other link you provided?
The things you claim that you're not allowed to discuss aren't listed anywhere in the rules. As far as I can tell you can discuss those things, if you make it clear you are discussing them in good faith and aren't championing anti-feminist talking points. I suspect you're unable to do the latter part, however, so maybe that's where the sticking point is.
Obligatory fuck MensRights and fuck anyone who shills for them.
You're right that it should be in the rules, but it isn't.
and aren't championing anti-feminist talking points.
And that's exactly my point, thanks for proving it. You cannot discuss men's issues if they happen to make feminists look bad, such as the feminist-made Duluth Model which says that women can't abuse men.
Isn't it funny how you're not banned from here despite going against the narrative? I wouldn't be able to say half the things about MensLib that you're saying here without getting the banhammer.
Where's the link so I can see the exchange?
It was 3 years ago and nobody saved any archives. Google it.
That's fair, but in all honesty it's also completely true. I've got a very tight-knit friend group and we all agreed that we can share our emotions with each other, but not with our girlfriends. It's the main reason I only date other guys.
Good question. I do, in fact. This one time I brought up misogyny and instead of having a conversation about it some dude just put it in scare quotes to show his disdain and inability to even think about the term. That's when I realized that the people on this sub generally aren't arguing in good faith and seem to lack the ability to understand things they hold strong opinions about.
First off, that’s the weakest example I’ve ever seen in my life. Second off, all men’s lib does is talk about patriarchy and how it hurts men. They’re so goddamn boring because they only have one issue they talk about. Like the whole sub is such a goddamn snoozefest.
Post 1: men are killing themselves because they can’t open up their feelings
Post 2: men who uphold the patriarchy are way sadder than us enlightened ones
Post 3: we have done so much harm to women... yada yada
Like it’s such a terrible sub lmao, at least we’re fun. Sure, sometimes we overstep a few boundaries, but we’re able to have actual, genuine conversations without downvoting each other for possibly insinuating that women may have caused a problem.
DontSetOnMe 4y ago
Had a nasty injury that my insurance wouldn't cover. Got it fixed but was broke. I opened up to my GF. Less than a month later in our 2yrs dating she told me she didn't love me anymore lmao. Hurt at the time but it really opened my mind and I'm glad I had that experience. If any gent reads this, do not open up under any circumstances. And yes even the "right girl for you" dont tell her either. Bottle it up to her and find a way to work through it without her
mc_professorson 4y ago
Feminism is pure evil.
Hannubal 4y ago
I'm not religious, but God bless those women. They have all the reason to let themselves be caught up with Feminist-hysteria. Still, they have the strength to realize what is actually going on.
89ZERO 4y ago
*Also.
Women still face a modicum of repression in our modernity.
The hope is that more people can see that men also face some repression as well.
If we understand the challenges facing both sexes, we’ll be able to move forward as a species in those aspects.
Hannubal 4y ago
I see your point. Some things affect women negatively. But the idea that there is a Patriarchy which conspires to oppress women and minorities? I don't buy it. Feminist ideology itself is a source of oppression, in my view. This is what I mean with what is actually going on.
phoenix_flies 4y ago
Not a patriarchy by design perhaps, but there is definitely a system of oppression in place. At its core is a broken economic and political system.
I'm all for incremental change to improve the quality of life and mental health of as many people as possible, but it does feel to me a bit like pruning a poisoned bush at this point. Bigger positive changes will underline and snowball into smaller positive changes, rather than having any small positive changes facing resistance and petty argument at every step of the way as we are finding now.
89ZERO 4y ago
I’m not arguing that. I’m only arguing your syntax. It’d be more accurate to use the word also instead of actually in the last sentence.
geared4war 4y ago
Heh. I thought you meant that you also were not religious. I need to learn to
Hannubal 4y ago
I don't agree with that, since I was addressing the problem with Feminist ideology. To be fair, I could probably have been more precise about that.
89ZERO 4y ago
Ah, and I agree. Feminist ideology, at least outside of the rare, progressive niche, is flawed.
However, some women face oppression when it comes to misogyny in the workplace and other areas of life.
Meanwhile, men face similar and parallel misandry, albeit in a quieter manner which is far too often overlooked due to the outspokenness of those protesting the former.
Once again, my argument to you is not that either of these do not exist, but that both exist at once. Thus, the word Also, to replace the word Actually in your original comment would be more accurate.
Men and Women both face repression. My point is that we acknowledge both in order to move toward egalitarianism.
Petsweaters 4y ago
I just wish the conversation could go beyond the workplace.
Mafrans 4y ago
I'm not that well versed in modern progressive theory but doesn't modern feminism state that both women and men are affected negatively by the patriarchy? For example, if the idea that men should be strong and show no vulnerability stems from a belief that women are fragile and need to be protected, can you not say that it also to a degree stems from the patriarchy which defined women as such?
I'm all for men's rights, and a lot of women get feminism very wrong, but from what I've seen from people like contrapoints and philosophy tube feminism isn't just about making men feel bad and I feel it unjust to claim that it is.
89ZERO 4y ago
Modern feminism regrettably devolved into a game of Us V. Them. To the average radical feminist, the patriarchy is represented by all men (starting with white men).
Unfortunately, many people do not read the actual literature, and merely repeat their interpretation of here-say.
Meanwhile, much of Men’s Rights Activism (especially on this Subreddit) has devolved similarly.
However, that may in itself be a generalization.
My point is the we acknowledge both sexes and try to solve the challenges facing each. The true goal is egalitarianism.
Whodoobucrew 4y ago
How dare you say things are hard for womanz too!
89ZERO 4y ago
I appreciate you.
oofta31 4y ago
I disagree. Seems pretty obvious when you look at positions of power and the lack of female representation is glaring.
As men we have our struggles for sure, but I don't understand the logic of trying to tear down women and minimize their issues. Kind of seems hypocritical.
BurningOrangeHeaven 4y ago
Isn't it changing under 30 as more women have degrees than men within another 10 years we will see a drastic shift.
VetteVet83 4y ago
Did you ever think that maybe women don’t want those positions of power because usually they come with a humongous amount of responsibility that is incredibly stressful?
_vedantt1_ 4y ago
agreed. Most women have similar reasons but won't express it or communicate with understanding men bcz society oppresses it one way or other, same case with men, only difference is as men go in higher standards in commercial scale the chances and severity of situations also increases, therefore most men keep quiet while they suffer internally.
Hannubal 4y ago
No doubt that disparity exists. But do we have proof that it is because of sexism? Women work less hours and choose jobs that aren't as lucrative. It is because of their own choices that they aren't in positions of power, as I've come to understand it.
No doubt that sexism exists, but I haven't yet seen proof that it can explain the disparity in power. You can read Dr.Lippa's study with the BBC to gain an idea of personality differences between men and women, and how this affects work-orientation.
As men we have our struggles for sure, but I don't understand the logic of trying to tear down women and minimize their issues. Kind of seems hypocritical.
I didn't tear down women's issues. I criticized Feminist ideology. I fully support Women's rights, but I'm entirely against Utopic ideologies.
masterdarthrevan 4y ago
I think there's a lot of dudes in high places ( rich ceo/ business men) that don't want girls in that club, but that their selfish views don't represent the lot of us. I too want women to earn the same for the same work. In my job they earn more just for being girls (trade) because men overrepresent the field. But I guess something needs to motivate women to do those jobs no one wants to do.
chintan22 4y ago
And this right here is the problem. Why would you want to motivate a person for a job they otherwise wouldn't choose. What would you feel about men being overpaid as nurses or in daycares, because women are over-represented
See, there is no club of this sort. It exists where there is old money, and they don't want to let anyone new enter irrespective of gender. And since they have that kind of money, they know what can buy out different types of people.
mvppedavalli0131 4y ago
Dude women face problems that need to be addressed too. Don’t shit on someone else just because you get the chance.
CommunistCowgirl 4y ago
I see your point and agree on the fact that men's mental health advocacy is desperately needed. But please try to re think the term feminist hysteria as it's a deeply sexist term you've coined there. Hysteria has been used to discredit all kinds of mental health problems, most notably in women but also men.
Edit: I've read through some of your comments and I see that your not open to educating yourself on the realities of others. If you would like to discuss the very real systemic oppression of women/lgbt/poc I would love to help you see what we experience.
chintan22 4y ago
Go on.
livelauglove 4y ago
Men face more oppression though.
CommunistCowgirl 4y ago
I agree men face oppression and face more oppression in cases of child rights and emotional support.
I am not saying men dont feel pain or oppression.
If you would like to discuss and grow and learn please DM me.
bullcitytarheel 4y ago
Feminist hysteria! Lmao, the irony of a man who spends his time breathlessly whining on the internet about feminists calling anyone else hysterical is hilarious. You poor, tiny-dicked bastards just can't help embarrassing yourselves, huh? Real lol.
Maxstrongarm451 4y ago
Lol. Same three jokes every time: small dick, bad sex, can’t find clit.
And they show the only thing you find valuable about women is sex, because you think those overused jokes will shake men to the core.
chintan22 4y ago
Ahh, another pathetic brigadier.
DyvrNebula 4y ago
Ahh, women preach not to body shame, but then yall come at men with tiny dick jokes? Doesnt it get tiring using the same 3-4 jokes every single time? Honestly it's sad and unoriginal
bullcitytarheel 4y ago
You realize I'm a dude, right? Lol. You tiny-dicked punk hahaha
morerokk 4y ago
One joke
bullcitytarheel 4y ago
Agreed. Your dick is a joke.
NoonecareswhatIsay 4y ago
You’re stupidity is overflowing.
Satyromaniac 4y ago
your
NoonecareswhatIsay 4y ago
It wasn’t an accident.
Satyromaniac 4y ago
uhhh
Dr_Papernipples 4y ago
Man that shit hits you hard.
SnooCheesecakes4786 4y ago
I once made the mistake of opening up to my girlfriend about how some of the things she did and said hurt me. It resulted in me getting blown up at for over an hour and a half, and then her being hurt that I was distant for ages afterwards.
erilaz123 4y ago
One and a half hour?!? What the hell.
Chemoralora 4y ago
Ex girlfriend I hope. I was in a relationship like this for years and it wears away at you
SnooCheesecakes4786 4y ago
No, I am a coward and a pushover.
MBV-09-C 4y ago
I would strongly suggest you find a way out if that type of behavior keeps happening, I was in a similar situation and it only got progressively worse. 5 years going on 6 we had been together and when I finally decided to open up about my feelings in general, not even about her, she dropped the 'nice' mask and just started gradually showing her true colors. She got more distant, started hitting me when she got upset, which, I thought was just a joke at first because it wasn't hurting me but it just got worse because she realized it wasn't phasing me. It started taking less effort for things to upset her to the point where doing things without her with people other than family would piss her off, and she started hanging out with an online friend group that I wasn't allowed to join. I eventually started getting bruises from her but I couldn't kick her out because she'd threaten to call the police and hurt herself. One of her friends managed to contact me through Xbox and told me that she was cheating on me, using me for a place to bum rent-free and then telling our mutual friends that I was being abusive to her.
I confronted her over text while she was out of the apartment, then she blew up my phone for about 2-3 hours telling me how much of a PoS she thought I was, how she never loved me, that no one would care what happened to me, that she was going to lie to my family that I took advantage of her, told me to kill myself, then ended it by telling me to go to my parents' house because she was 'feeling murderous' that night.
I left while she was out and put the most valuable stuff I had the apartment over at my parents' place after telling them what was up, then went to the bank and changed my card just in case she had access to it, and saved the conversation on my phone for evidence in case the police had to be involved. I waited until she came back, told her she had until the weekend to find a new place and of course she blew up again, but I threatened using the police this time, with my laptop recording the altercation out of sight for the audio. I ended up getting slapped across the face and she trashed her room but she eventually left at midnight with most of her stuff.
Please don't let it get as bad as me before you do something to help yourself. I lost contact with most of my friends and still occasionally have nightmares about having to live in that scenario, I don't want others to have to go through that if it can be helped.
chintan22 4y ago
Honestly, man up, and set some limits, and control your part of the relationship. You are better off single than with someone who hurts you. Btw, this counts as emotional abuse. Basically tell her that you won't take any more of her shit, and walk out if she blows up again. Create some space.
Yoramus 4y ago
I hope you're joking
peachythighs 4y ago
Hey man... no you’re not. It takes guts to break up with someone, but you do not deserve to be torn down like that. What’s making you afraid to end it?
SnooCheesecakes4786 4y ago
A couple of things... sunk cost fallacy, since I've been in it for so long; guilt, since she probably wouldn't be able to find a guy like me (if I may flatter myself); fear of being alone; stubbornness; and a tendency to suck it up and accept shitty things.
BCRE8TVE 4y ago
If she can't find a guy as great as you afterwards, that's her problem. When you decide to break up with her, her life is no longer your responsibility. You do not have to protect or save anyone, especially if they mistreat you.
If you are a great guy, then you will not be lonely, you will be able to find someone else.
I was in a 7 year relationship that turned toxic then abusive. It is not going to get better, and you are not going to get those years of your life back. Don't wait until you're on the brink of suicide to break up, the mental scars are not worth it.
It's your responsibility to look after yourself. It is not your responsibility to try to make someone's life better despite them abusing you. They make the choice of being abusive towards you, they can face the consequences of that choice when you leave them. If there are no consequences to their choices, they'll just keep getting more and more abusive.
SnooCheesecakes4786 4y ago
The only issue I take with your whole post is that, because it's the just universe fallacy. There are no guarantees in life whatsoever, and you can do everything right and still lose.
BCRE8TVE 4y ago
It is very true, but I think that seeing it as a 'win' or as a 'lose' is part of the problem. It's not about winning by finding someone else, it's about trying to find people who are compatible. You can't 'fail' at that because if you find people who are not compatible, you wouldn't win if you were with them, and if you find people who are compatible, it's a win even if it doesn't end up in a romantic relationship.
You can do everything right and still lose, but that reminds me of a good ted talk by Simon Sinek on infinite games. Basically, a finite game is a small set where there are defined players with defined possibilities, and clear win/lose scenarios, and when those scenarios are reached the game ends.
Life isn't like that. There's an unknown number of players, with an unknown number of possibilities, very few clear win/lose scenarios, and the game goes on until you die.
Seeing it as a win/lose thing in life is seeing a finite game, instead of an infinite game, and it affects how you see things and how you act.
JunkInTheTrunk457 4y ago
Can relate super hard XD
JackieBronassis 4y ago
True.
ayylmaothrowaway1337 4y ago
I actually opened up to my girlfriend the other night. I let a lot out.
We'll see how this goes. First time and all.
Jaywoody21 4y ago
Look at the first girl's pfp. She's a 'pickme', she'll ruin you like any other woman
thetruemask 4y ago
Tits are on full display
OofieElfie 4y ago
Dude seriously who gives a fuck if she's showing her tits or not? Showing cleavage doesn't negate someone's ability to feel empathy for others.
Jaywoody21 4y ago
Awalt
OofieElfie 4y ago
You are aware that men's rights is for equality, not for hating women, right?
jpla86 4y ago
Just looking at the date of that tweet and with everything that’s happened since then and with everything that’s going on now, it seems like 2017 was decades ago.
alien__unknown 4y ago
:)
Umbran_scale 4y ago
Women only want men to open up about their emotions when it's line with their own and WHEN they want to hear about it.
That one friends episode that featured Bruce Willis opening the floodgates is a prime example of why men should never open up, not just because of Rachels reaction but the fact it makes fun of a very serious and dark issue men are dealing with and completely belittles it.
KingKnotts 4y ago
I have said it before and I will say it again. If you are not okay with listening and trying to empathize when someone talks to you about things like being molested, attempted suicide, and other deeply troubling issues how fucking dare you complain about them not opening up because it is way harder to open up about these things than it is to listen.
You do not know what problems someone else has faced in life. When women say they want men to be open about their emotions they do not mean it the vast majority of the time. What is in their head is things like they will cry for a few days when someone dies and say how much the person meant to them, they will be sad when a dog dies in a movie, etc.
My dad died only a few blocks away from where I lived as a kid. I saw where it happened over 1000 times a year. I still very clearly remember when he died, the puddle of blood, etc. I can even tell you every meal I had that day. I can go over the next several weeks, the house fire only a short while after that destroyed everything I had to remember him except for my guitar that he gave me for Christmas the year before.
It is an uncomfortable topic both to talk about and to listen to. I can guarantee that most people that complain about men not opening up would not want that discussion, and that a lot of people would use such things in an argument just to try to cause pain.
crushedcantharis 4y ago
Over in the eating disorder support subs, there's a constant effort to make sure the dialogue is inclusive to men. We see you, boys, and we care.
CiprianMirodone 4y ago
Even mom told me not to open to women since they will try to use any info I give them against me. I don't even know anymore......
mhandanna 4y ago
From another thread:
Yes... GENERALLY, with many exceptions.... women talk about their problems for the sake of gaining emotional validation or empathy not so much to solve their problem, so they will talk even if they know how to solve the problem or do not want to.
Men tend to talk about their problems in ways to practically solve their problems. This could even involve just ranting, as they realise that ranting in this specific instance has a purpose. Just getting men to open up and talk about their problems is useless, if you want men to open up more, teach them about problem solving techniques (e.g Tony Robbins or a million other people)
Also, another issue, is the reaction men get when they open up and the services offered to them. In the UK 12 homeless men and 1 homeless woman die a week, and there are 700,000 male victims of domestic violence.... the government just announced 1500 beds for women and 0 for men. In USA there are over 2000 DV shelters for women and 2 for men. Despite men being 87% of UK homelessness, documentaries and a articles on homeless and even the government report focused on women... this translates to the local gov services and charities etc focusing on women.... so there are far less options and point for men to start opening up.
Furthermore, many of the cases of e.g. male suicide are not going to be solved by talking, they are due to certain things disproportionality affecting men.... if they happened to women just as much, then women would be killing themselves in huge numbers too, e.g. vets, family courts, homelessness.... for example in USA 22 vests kill themselves everyday... obviously almost all male, same with deaths after family courts, its almost always men who lose their home, family, most of their income etc.... so the solution is not talking more, it is solving the systematic issues... e.g. male homelessness, milatry (underfunded vets services, sending men to dumb wars, under equipped etc. forced male only conscription all over even Europe and the world)... solve those SYSTEMTIC issues
here's a story from a vet in USA... pretty standard for these guys to receive paltry money for this, horrendously inadequate medical care, no housing etc.... do you thinking "not opening up" is why men like this commit suicide?:
Family courts need major revamp. The system is truly absurd against men and a huge case of suicide... of course no mention of this in the media:
https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/hl3ka9/areas\_of\_child\_support\_law\_that\_need\_to\_changed/
https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/hm5j3q/uk\_domestic\_violence\_bill\_is\_currently\_going/
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
It is good to see awareness. I feel like lots of people in the internet are aware of these issues.
vandriff 4y ago
My ex-wife used to use my father's and step father's physical abuse against me all the time. We'd argue, she'd fly off the handle, lean into her delusions, scream at me, and I'd go into the bedroom to get away from her and slam the door just to hear her yell on the other side, "You're exactly like your fathers!!"
She never met them and anything she knew of them was what I told her. One of them was an extremely violent person, and the other was a child molester. It'd break my heart hearing her say that cause the last thing I wanted in life was to be anything like them. She knew that and would use it against me to really make it sting...
Edit: If you're going through the same, please know you don't deserve that kind of guilt. Even at our worst, we are likely nothing like our abusers. I've been in a MUCH better relationship for years now with someone who has never used my past abuse to make me feel like less. I hope you discover the kind of happiness and peace that leads to healing and security. Stay strong.
Yoramus 4y ago
Yes the first time a partner uses intimate information against you should be also also the last time
Snackasm 4y ago
That's why I don't open up at all, it gets thrown right back in my face.
Nikanov 4y ago
Much truth.
poggershehe 4y ago
Problems men face due to society's expectation is that a man must always remain strong. But the problem is that the man must also resolve his problems on his own.
This is particularly a problem when you dont have a supportive network positive role models etc.
It can all seem too much sometimes which is why men have higher suicide rates that society chooses not to understand.
It's quite scary that the future for men that's if you're arent strong enough mentally then you're sort of left behind.
Sad really.
N19864 4y ago
I noticed that if you open up, they do not know when to keep it to themselves. They share it to get others opinion or just get some sympathy. You have to specifically tell them to not talk to others about it and even then, it's still a risk.
​
Women open up too much while men too little. I know which of the two I prefer.
thebochman 4y ago
This is my mom in a nutshell, i never let my guard down around her because of it. We go out to eat and she’ll be like you can get a beer you know I’m like no thanks, I would never feel comfortable drinking with her
chintan22 4y ago
I used to write this stuff down, but it's very high risk of anybody finds it, and after a serious incident, I stopped and put all the old books where no-one can find them anymore.
nuckle 4y ago
That is one of the worst parts of telling a women anything. If you don't want to half the block, the salon, friends and friends husbands to know, keep that shit to yourself.
the314159man 4y ago
Yup, stopped telling my mum things when I was about 8.
EarthMaximum5162 4y ago
Totally, any fucked up treatment of one gender is also a slap at the other. Like girls deal with guys being creeps, and the other side of it is now all guys are treated like creeps.
evildeeds187 4y ago
Amen to that. When it comes down to it. I would rather bottle it up. It's not healthy but better than the world knowing my problems. Tho. I'm lucky. I have 1 person who I know will never share my problems with anyone.
chintan22 4y ago
That person is you isn't it?
teryn2012 4y ago
It sucks that most people go through their lives thinking the only person they can 100% trust is themselves. I wish I had someone I could open up to without ruining our friendship.
evildeeds187 4y ago
It sucks too. When you finally find someone, your so used to keeping it in that you don't tell them and it becomes a problem
xoxota99 4y ago
Because she's locked in your basement?
evildeeds187 4y ago
Shhhhh. Your not soppose to tell anyone
mgtowolf 4y ago
scyth3s 4y ago
ALERT ALERT USERNAME CHECKS OUT ALERT
evildeeds187 4y ago
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
A woman once straight up read my diary when I was away at work and didn’t even have enough shame in her body to feel bad about it.
Rad_Knight 4y ago
Damn, not cool
CarosWolf 4y ago
I would be mad
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
Oh I was, mad and hurt. Then she had the audacity to try to “talk about my problems” that I had written about in my notebook.
Starkregen 4y ago
“I’m sorry I stole your car but hey want me to give you a lift with it?”
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
That is a perfect analogy. That’s exactly why it irked me so much.
SmashinTheFase 4y ago
This is why i NEVER put my most personal stuff in my diary.
I feel bad for you man.
BrokenBlueShowerShoe 4y ago
Life lessons taught me, never put those things in writing. Ever. Someone will take and use that information against me.
Vox___Rationis 4y ago
Or keep your journal in an encrypted text file.
thebochman 4y ago
My mom goes through all my shit so I could never get a journal but I have my own private blog which I use as one instead. Would recommend.
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
Which is sad, because I find it way easier to deal with my feelings and thoughts if I write them down. It sort of puts a structure on what I’m thinking and feeling. Helping my conscious mind connect with my subconscious.
I hid my notebooks better now.
BrokenBlueShowerShoe 4y ago
Oh for sure writing definitely helps and I encourage it. I personally need to get over the anxiety of those thoughts even existing in writing. One of many things to do on the mental repair list.
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
I guess you could write things down and then burn them. Might even be more physiologically powerful, now that I think about it.
BrokenBlueShowerShoe 4y ago
That’s actually a great idea. Was going to start practicing neater hand writing anyways.
ProfetenEdgar 4y ago
Lmao
erilaz123 4y ago
I have experienced this, and it is so immature. No quality person does that.
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
assassinator1014 4y ago
Show me one time where we said we are perfect? And no we aren’t bashing women, a lot of us have or had girlfriends. We are just tired of men getting the short end of the stick.
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
assassinator1014 4y ago
It’s not aimed at most women. It says “most of the time when a man opens up”, not “most women”
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
assassinator1014 4y ago
Most women that men open up too. Which is rare. So not most women
againstthe 4y ago
You also forgetting those tweets were written by women??
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
againstthe 4y ago
I don’t see any woman bashing. The girls in the tweet literally just pointing out something that men MAY face, if you think that’s “bashing women” and “sexist” then you’re part of the problem. If you can’t acknowledge the societal conditions men are living in then you’re obviously too “privileged” to be speaking on it.
zomanda 4y ago
This sub needs to be changed to"inadequate men congregate online in an effort to offset their awkwardness by findings random postings pandering to their egos"
morerokk 4y ago
Yep, it's a day ending in "-y".
zomanda 4y ago
Fragile? Hey, I'm just visiting a support group where men feel like women aren't saying and doing exactly what they perceive as ideal, by all accounts you live there.
morerokk 4y ago
*yawn*
MrE761 4y ago
Hmmm a lot of “ex’s” are being highlighted...
My wife doesn’t ever do this on the other hand...
Mycroft033 4y ago
Dude congrats to you, you picked an awesome woman.
GTRPrime 4y ago
That was my ex's playbook
nakgu 4y ago
[Citation needed]
Spurnout 4y ago
I'm 38, and thinking back on my life, I'm not sure if there was ever a time that I felt like opening up to a woman was a mistake.
VetteVet83 4y ago
That’s actually the best way to get rid of one.
GotSomeMemesBoah 4y ago
Same for me. If anything, I've found that other guys are usually the ones putting me down for opening up.
stipulus 4y ago
I think in most cases women don't realize they are doing this, and wouldn't if they did.
pitjedi221 4y ago
This makes me want to cry... But I wont because im a man!
Candour_Pendragon 4y ago
That's not a "woman" issue. That's a "shit person" issue. Anyone who uses the vulnerabilities of someone they claim to love against them in a moment of petty anger is a fuckwit.
/TEDtalk
Its_bigC 4y ago
lol I dealt with this shit all the time with my mom
Doge_Is_Dead 4y ago
Reminds me of that Bill Burr standup.
mi_to__ 4y ago
He speaks from experience. For many guys out there it is just as raw and brutal as he portrays it.
Ozzy_Cortes 4y ago
Facts! Better to stay silent!
Mountain-Image 4y ago
All of these discussions about “women” are framed entirely around dating. It’s no wonder people here have a bad perception towards women when their frames of reference are basically their ex girlfriends and their mother.
Like perhaps try and make friends who are female but where the goal is friendship and not just being nice in the hopes she might have sex with you eventually. Maybe even one who isn’t pretty and is just a chill person.
KingKnotts 4y ago
Both sexes disproportionately primarily are friends with their own sex and friends of the opposite sex are largely due to attraction when it comes to men due to evolutionary reasons.
There is a reason young women will bitch to MALE friends about how all guys are assholes and then get pissed off if called out for insulting the person when the truth is simply THEY choose to date assholes.
Beyond that it is safe to say you are probably a woman and do not understand how male brains work. The sexes do not act or feel the same way towards each other. Due to how we have evolved with the female sex being the one taking more risks in reproduction there is a massive difference in how we view the other sex subconsciously.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/
THE_HORSE91 4y ago
That's Twitter and this is a repost for sure.
CRAZYASSITALIAN 4y ago
It is
shaeshayrose 4y ago
It's because you're hypocrites.
KingKnotts 4y ago
Fuck off.
Most off the homeless are men, domestic violence against men leads to men being arrested due to an ideologically based theory that the male is always the aggressor that the woman responsible for spoke against later in life admitting it was based on ideology not evidence, suicide rates are higher for boys, boys are significantly more likely to fail classes, less likely to go to college,etc. Men are given much harsher prison sentences when convicted of crimes than women. Mutilating the genitals of baby boys is accepted as a normal thing simply because they are boys.
There are a massive amount of issues that men face, that we get attacked for speaking up about.
For fucks sake the very fact that men have to register for the draft and women don't is the legalized reality we all know. The life of a random woman is always valued more than the life of a man.
It is disgusting and immoral that anyone claiming to support equality would be okay with a legalized second class with the obligation to die for the other on command.
SpaceRocker420 4y ago
yeah, in my experience, its true.
FuckShitbagAdmins 4y ago
Incel
Frenchienight 4y ago
I feel like the reply came from a salty man, and used a girl icon just to get support from other salty men.
Mycroft033 4y ago
Why? Are girls not allowed to care about men’s issues or even be aware of them?
MBV-09-C 4y ago
I severely doubt it, but if it did, that's the most convincing fake twitter of your average young black woman I've seen yet.
Wolfosaurus 4y ago
What kind of women are you guys dating? Jesus Christ. Are you just choosing the hottest one you can find?
redbetweenlines 4y ago
The sweetest women I've known still pulled that shit.
GotSomeMemesBoah 4y ago
They probably don't show their toxicity at first? I've never had a situation like this so idk. Then again, I always try to avoid useless arguments in the first place, so maybe that's why. And if a women starts using stuff against me when we aren't even arguing, then she's probably just insane ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
MyUserIdWasTaken 4y ago
This is what I do.... and it always ends real bad for me.
Is that what I'm doing wrong ?
redbetweenlines 4y ago
The opening up or the hottest girl?
MyUserIdWasTaken 4y ago
I always go for the hottest one I can manage. It goes to shit though and when I have met girls that are like normal but great personality I havent been interested. Its just made me think that's where I'm going wrong
Mens_rights_matter2 4y ago
There are many good women out there that believe in true equality and see through the feminist bullshit.
terminalsausage 4y ago
Believe it or not most women think like this.
mkstk 4y ago
/u/repostsleuthbot
RepostSleuthBot 4y ago
I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/MensRights.
It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.
I did find this post that is 73.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.
Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Negative](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RepostSleuthBot&subject=False%20Negative&message={"post_id": "hpujkc", "meme_template": null}) ]
SharedRegime 4y ago
All of my exs did this. Almost every woman in my life has been manipulative in some way. My own mother couldnt admit to the things shes done to me when i finally confronted her about it.
aThoughtLost 4y ago
Literally happened to me today!
atlas794 4y ago
To god damn fucking true. Makes me never want to talk to anyone.
UbiquitousWobbegong 4y ago
Also, not everyone feels the need to let their emotions rule them. Just because I'm upset does not mean I cannot take a deep breath and move on with my life. I don't have to stop and talk about every problem I have. In fact, I find I'm more capable the less time I have to sit down and complain.
That doesn't mean that there aren't times where it's necessary to have conversations about your feelings. But not everyone has the same level of necessity.
ButtersMcLovin 4y ago
Sadly this happened to my roommate, he opened up about depression and suicidal thoughts with his partner and every time they were arguing she threw all on him like „I hope you kill yourself“ „you will never get something done with your bitch depression“ and so on. I always could hear that woman in the whole apartment. One day I had a long talk with him and after that he broke up and I was there for him. But how many of those guys don’t have a roommate that know what’s up. He would’ve never come to me to talk about it if it wasn’t that loud. I hope who ever is in such a situation will have the power to get out of suche toxic environment. Stay strong brothers
AlistarHarris 4y ago
It's always a shock to me to see sane people online
i_guess_im_here 4y ago
Well fuck.
LegalIdea 4y ago
I'm glad people are starting to recognize the reason we stay silent
Me for example, I have my issues (mostly depression, if you want to know), but I try to avoid sharing that with a partner or potential partner because nothing good ever really comes from sharing it, thus making it a needless risk
TrueGrey 4y ago
Unbelievably true.
This has happened to me in my worst relationship, my best relationship, and everything in between.
FuckShitbagAdmins 4y ago
I hate to break it to you, but you have been in relationships with a lot of shitty people.
TrueGrey 4y ago
This is not news.
Though the best did it only rarely - we all screw up sometimes. The worst did it as a go-to.
wayayax 4y ago
Pickmeisha hall of fame
BurningOrangeHeaven 4y ago
I feel like often times these posts are often just for attention since "hating on men" is so mainstream now that doing the reverse gets more attention for the girl.
FV4034 4y ago
What do they mean when they say a woman will use a man opening up against him? Do they mean they will say hes pathetic or something? I havent had a girlfriend yet and my parents havent done anything like this. Although my dad never seems to be upset so im guessing he hides it like a lot of others
redbetweenlines 4y ago
Have you never met a woman like that? They don't lose arguments because they never back down. They can use almost any tactic, including violence, with near impunity. Women can hurt you a lot more than you could ever hurt them.
Take it from a man, that's why men are afraid of women.
scJay23 4y ago
What kind of nonsense is this?
If your partner stabs you it is not going to hurt a lot more if your partner is a woman.
That a woman might get more impunity is clearly fucked up. And needs to change. But that doesn't mean there are no men who would use any tactic including violence, to really hurt you a lot, not caring for the consequences.
Just as there are a lot of women that would never use violence.
It is stupid to be afraid of women. Be afraid of violent and unstable people no matter the gender and best stay far away from them.
FV4034 4y ago
Im only 16, havent experienced most of the real world so i had no idea. That really sucks and i seriously hope shit like that changes very soon
zomanda 4y ago
It's not like that, like at all. This is a collective of people with personal similar experiences, but that in no way speaks to the norm.
FV4034 4y ago
Yes, i should have worded it much better. What i meant was i wished that it didnt happen at all, not that i thought it was incredibly common
Mattcaz92 4y ago
Get off this subreddit. If you internalize what everyone in this thread is saying before you even start dating then you'll have an extremely toxic view of women. Women are people and some people do bad things. Not a single woman in my life has abused my trust like this.
FV4034 4y ago
I dont have a toxic view of women. In fact, all women ive met havent done any of this as far as im aware. That doesnt mean we should just disregard the ones that do though, and just because nobody has betrayed your trust doesnt mean other people arent. In fact, you are incredibly lucky no woman has betrayed your trust since most people (women and men) would. EDIT: nvm, i just thought of about 10 examples of where people related to me alone have betrayed trust, and even more to do with friends of my family. Either you are incredibly lucky or completely lying to prove a point
Platycel 4y ago
FV4034 4y ago
Yeah real funny isnt it, care to explain why
Yoramus 4y ago
They are saying it won't change....
FV4034 4y ago
Ah ok
timmah1991 4y ago
lol
FV4034 4y ago
So it shouldnt change?
timmah1991 4y ago
When did I say or imply that?
FV4034 4y ago
When you laughed at what i said maybe? If that isnt implying it idk what is
chintan22 4y ago
He's saying that's not going to happen because women aren't going to change their preferences.
FV4034 4y ago
Ok fair enough
o_oM 4y ago
Whenever you find someone who uses your weakness against you, it's time to make sure they are not part of your life any longer. Fuck these people.
zifgin 4y ago
Never let a woman know your buttons (sorry mexican)
asianabsinthe 4y ago
Truth.
Was victim of this.
grummy_gram 4y ago
Same here. A girlfriend at the time insisted I open up. I was apprehensive at first, but eventually did. She was supportive as I was opening up, but her demeanor changed shortly afterwards. It wasn’t long before she used what I told her to insult and degrade me.
I know it’s not conducive to a healthy relationship, but now I keep shit locked down. It’s like I do the bare minimum, so as to appease my partner, but protect myself at the same time.
gmml4 4y ago
Goddamn. This is good to keep in mind, but also scary. I’ve tried opening up to people/friends and they’ve all just spit on me when I told them and had zero sympathy. Thought maybe once I got a girlfriend I could open up but this makes me scared now. I guess no one in the world truly gives a shit.
streakin-deacon 4y ago
Girlfriend thing is a bad move. I thought the same thing but no girl wants to be your therapist. You could be Dwayne Johnson but if you tell a girl about your insecurities, she will stop being attracted to you.
grummy_gram 4y ago
Honestly, dude, find a good therapist. I started seeing one last year and it’s been a game changer. You get to open up to someone that won’t make you feel weak or small, and they’ll offer guidance to help you help yourself to solve your own problems.
It’s a win win. You get shit off your chest, the person won’t talk shit about you, and you’ll hopefully get your mind right.
burvurdurlurv 4y ago
It’s so liberating when the person you are telling these things to has no personal, emotional involvement in your life. After the very first session I felt so much relief.
gmml4 4y ago
Had a therapist but they didn’t do shit for me. She forgot everything we talked about by each following session and she seemed to not understand anything I was saying and just offered me a bunch of cliche platitudes. Guess I have to find a “good” one.
grummy_gram 4y ago
That sounds like a bad therapist. I had to see 3 before I found one that seemed like the right fit.
Urano_Metria 4y ago
That's only the correct response if you're ok for settling with a subhuman piece of shit.
grummy_gram 4y ago
If you know some sort of trick to screen all partners for their potential to exhibit vile behavior, please share with the rest of us. Not every person shows their toxicity right away. Some shite behavior rears it’s ugly head a year or more down the road. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping stress/fears/etc from your partner as long as it doesn’t rot the relationship from the inside out.
Therapy is a godsend if you need someone to talk to, and it’s damn near risk free. You get stuff off your chest, don’t run the risk of being judged by someone close to you, and you get guidance to possibly solve those problems or concerns.
chintan22 4y ago
I guess open up to them with false facts to see how they respond and you'll get your results in a month.
boredrandomguy 4y ago
Yep. That is what a relative of mine did to her husband. Every time he opened up, she would berate him.Then she would complain that he stopped opening up. She took it as proof that he was cheating on her and used that to "justify" cheating on him leading to their divorce.
The funny part was she expected to get everything plus child support and alimony being a woman and all. Instead, she did not get any of that and had to pay him back for his half of the house.
scottaq83 4y ago
Thought she had 3 boobs at first glance
sanrio-sugarplum 4y ago
Are any other women here really bothered by this mentality? A part of me hates that so many guys think we're all evil manipulative monsters, but I also know that she might have a point.
For example, my bf didn't exactly have the best feelings toward women in general when we met because his whole life up to that point he had dealt with women (in his family, in relationships, literally everywhere) who were exactly like that or worse. And I sort of understand why so many guys have that mentality, but it's also really sad that I'm associated with people like that just because of my gender, even though I would never do something like that. It's probably sort of like when feminists say all men are violent etc.
BCRE8TVE 4y ago
Completely agree with you, it absolutely sucks. If I'm walking at night and there's another woman, she might be afraid that I'll try to rape her, just because I'm a guy. It sucks to be seen as a potential rapist just because of my gender, and its really frustrating, but I can understand wanting to protect oneself.
What really pissed me off though is women behaving in that way, but then when men express they have had similar experiences with women using their vulnerability against them many feminists act like that's totally impossible, it would never happen, women are sweet and kind and caring and would never hurt their man, etc etc etc. It's really frustrating to hear feminists talk about how its ok for women to protect themselves, and then turn around to deny that men were hurt and call them sexist and misogynist when guys try and do the exact same thing they advocate for.
It's really shitty. Can't we agree that there are a lot of shitty people in the world, regardless of gender? Can we try and address the shitty people without trying to make it a gender war?
It pissed me off, but seeing comments like yours does give me hope, that there are still people who can look beyond the insane bullshit and recognize that people hurting people is not ok, regardless of gender.
Panzerbjorne39 4y ago
My wife grew up in a culture where no one discusses their feelings and the fathers/husbands don’t show emotion. She gets visibly frustrated with me if I cry and mad at me for being weak.
boosted_monkey13 4y ago
My wife and I check in with each other to see how we’re feeling and to see if there’s anything bothering us that the other can fix. Females like that exist.
Nikanov 4y ago
This is so true. Glad to see it spoken out loud (so to speak).
I think I have found the female opposite though. During a long phase of dating and short relationships after a divorce, I learned something I thought was amazing from a lady I had talked to long distance for months and we friend zoned each other. She was talking to me about her current relationship with someone she considered to be a great guy when I finally connected the dots in her narrative.
I asked her in shock: "you have to decide every day if you want to stay in your relationship don't you? It has always been like this for you, hasn't it? It is the same with every woman you know, isn't it?" There was a long silence followed by a tentative "yes... Isn't it the same for you and all guys in general?"
I was gobsmacked. Maybe some guys go through that, but me and all other guys I know get to know a woman to the point we want to be her partner and decide to be partners. It's a one-time decision that we don't really reconsider except under unusual circumstances or if the dynamics of the relationship dramatically change.
Yes, it's exhausting as a guy to have to measure your every utterance knowing it is being meticulously indexed and cataloged for probable retrieval in the future in an attack on you. But it must surely be exhausting to live in an emotional Groundhog Day where you have to decide every. single. day. if you want to remain in a relationship you committed to perhaps even years ago.
I'm not suggesting these are corrolaries or even equals, but such were my thoughts when I contemplated the truth in OP's thoughts.
mi_to__ 4y ago
Daily re-evaluation...this was interesting to read. And kinda horrifying. I wonder how true that is in general. I sure know my share of women that give you that underlying feeling that you're never good enough...
Lostvayne12 4y ago
Weird ass Facebook page
jeff_the_nurse 4y ago
It was a screenshot of a Twitter that had been posted to Facebook.
SnooCheesecakes4786 4y ago
And now, the circle of social media is completed.
Lostvayne12 4y ago
I guessed. Anyway, this made me happy. Have a good day
jeff_the_nurse 4y ago
Back at you!
DarkDoomDoom 4y ago
And end up on Reddit what a beautiful circle of life
prwnasus 4y ago
Men-tally ayoo
n4l11n 4y ago
Bruh the second tweets is facts negl
dtyler86 4y ago
The number of times II’ve heard a girl say “when a guy cries, that’s when I totally lose all attraction, it’s so pussy”
I’ve heard this exact statement almost verbatim at least three times. Welp ladies, enjoy your bottled up “toxic masculine” future husband
SauronGamgee 4y ago
I once cried about a very serious issue and she noticably lost all attraction. She even said that she thinks that men that can show their emotions are "brave" but as women always do, she lied
capt_poopsy_daizy 4y ago
Hit the nail on the head here chief and been I personally have had a woman call me a bitch for talking about how I feel about something. Didn’t even cry. Hell of a time we live in
dtyler86 4y ago
Yep, had the same exact convo once
Chef_Elg 4y ago
I cried in front of my son when I was seeing him once. His mom told me if I cried in front of him again she'd never ket me see him. He was 2. I cry sometimes man what can I do? I miss him. I was sad as fuck too. I don't get why it's so hard to work together and be patient and understanding.
Bro if you ever need to cry I'm here. And all my friends support and love each other. So if you need a friend my man I got you. You shouldn't feel bad for having emotions, and you definitely shouldn't feel alone.
dtyler86 4y ago
Much love and sincere appreciation man. I have a 16 year old daughter that was born when I was 17. She’s now a mother too (!!!). I’ve been to hell and back with the hardships of an awful mother to my child and a particularly terrible set of personal circumstances, I’m very sorry to hear the mother of your child could be so awful to you.
I cried when my grandmother died in my home after a long battle under hospice care when I was 23. My ex shortly after began cheating on me and cited this as a reason why she lost respect for me as a man. Good riddance..
Chef_Elg 4y ago
That's insane man! But yeah good riddance for sure.
I actually just broke up with a girl I was madly in love with because I'd ask for affection some times, I have no family to speak of I was adopted and that's a long story for sure. But I'd ask for affection and she would make me feel bad for it. She'd say "I'm affectionate when I feel like it" I was like babe, can you please tell me you love me? And no matter how down I was it would have made everything ok. She wouldn't do it and I just couldn't keep it up because we were long distance.
Congrats on being a grandpa man!!!!!!! I was born in 87 bro. I don't know if you're name reflects the year you were born or not but if so that's awesome man!!
And for sure much love yo.
Urano_Metria 4y ago
She sounds subhuman.
dtyler86 4y ago
I believe she may have actually been a psychopath in retrospect.
Chef_Elg 4y ago
You responded but it applies for mine too lmao
Deep-Zucchini 4y ago
Reminds me of my ex, Debra. She would sit on my brothers davenport at his mobile home, drinking my natty lights. Then call me a bitch for having a chicken attempt to rape me. Fuck you, Debra.
MoistAssGamer 4y ago
That's true. Happens every time. That's why men don't spill their actual truthful opinions to women. Just tell them what they want to hear.
another_redditor1219 4y ago
So I’m a woman, and I absolutely hate that when I try to talk to my boyfriend he doesn’t really say anything. I’ve never used anything against him, I’ve never judged him. Fuck the women who make men feel this way
DaftZack 4y ago
While I would like to believe this, but through my own experiences, I don't blame him for keeping it all in. Vary rarely does something good come from it.
another_redditor1219 4y ago
I understand too, I just wish that society was so much different
scJay23 4y ago
Yes! If my man cries or has issues I just want to hold him in my arms and be there for him.
I can't understand how some people can be so toxic. Partners should lift each other up, not put each other down.
another_redditor1219 4y ago
I know! Sometimes I just want to hold him in my arms like a big baby and hug him and let him cry it all out and just, let him know everything will be ok!
It hurts when I see him trying to hold everything in (thankfully it’s not often, I pray) . He’s always been there for me, no matter what. He let me cry into his shoulder when I was having issues at home. I want soooooo bad to do that for him, but society teaches our boys that emotions are weakness. I hope this changes soon ;(
defectivedjin 4y ago
Also this is very true.
juanjing 4y ago
"Most of the time"?
Not in my experience. If a man or a woman takes advantage of your vulnerability, they are an asshole.
KoreyoshiKurahara 4y ago
Idk how popular or unpopular a thing this is to say around here, but: I have never felt more comfortable in my skin as a man, sexier, more masculine, less toxic and further from societally ingrained misogyny than I have since I started restoring my foreskin. I recommend all circumcised men do it to restore what was taken and what they are owed in their existence as men.
DietDoritos 4y ago
My ex did that to me, she would talk to her friends about how "soft" I was emotionally, and how easy to manipulate I was. I only found all of this out after she left me and some of her former friends ran into my depressed, near-suicidal self at the store.
evildeeds187 4y ago
For real though. I have had girls open up to me and I'll never share that shit. If they trust me enough to tell me I'm not gonna put that in jeopardy but them? Hell it's a open season on who can spread shit faster. Only 2 girl hasn't spread things about me(that I know of) only ones I trust atm
RadioUnfriendly 4y ago
This was basically what I learned from my mom.
Fuzzpot 4y ago
I dated a woman for 5 months, at the end I had some trouble with my family and was depressed for like a week, nothing serious, just bummed out
She said I had "changed" and dumped me
symtexxx 4y ago
Opened up to my ex about mom issues I had growing up. Everytime there was an argument I was at fault because "you're wrong you're damaged goods because of your mom". When it was her starting all the fights. MGTOW
LongDongDunk 4y ago
Most men uderstand what is told in confidence, even if its a normal conversation it doesnt need to be said. I find you have to specifically say what you dont want made public with women, not all, not even 50%, but a small number, but thus small percentage is 20 times bigger than mens 'small percentage of men'
BarksAtStupid 4y ago
Even if a guy opens up to another guy, they may use that against them. It's bullshīt
Platycel 4y ago
The trick is to not give enough of a fuck to remember what you are told.
Mycroft033 4y ago
Or to just have a bad memory
MKDoobie-Dash 4y ago
Only women can be manipulative partners. Does that sentence really make any sense to anybody? This is not a gendered issue, but this subreddit makes it out to be a primarily female problem. Y’all are wild. And misogynistic.
sad-dood-needs-heal 4y ago
as a woman, shut up.
BCRE8TVE 4y ago
I don't think there's a single person in this thread who said that only women can be manipulative. This is a subreddit for men's issues, and most of those issues come from women, because most men are in heterosexual relationships.
It's not that only women can be manipulative partners, it's that the majority of men are with women as partners. As such, when men are manipulative partners, women will complain about men, and women have all the safe spaces they want to talk about that. They can yell in public that all men are trash if they so feel like it, and get validated by other women.
Are guys not allowed to complain about the women who manipulate them? Does it make me a misogynist to complain about how my abusive ex was abusive and manipulative? Or am I supposed to shut up and take it like a man?
You can allow guys to express their emotions, or you can tell guys they shouldn't, and reinforce toxic gender roles and the patriarchy. Your choice.
bachp1 4y ago
Hmm I didn't see only woman on there. Odd.
Omar-Elsayed 4y ago
When did anyone ever say that? Both can be physically abusive and both can be manipulative. We all acknowledge that.
scyth3s 4y ago
Yes. Yes you are.
hasanyonefoundmyeye 4y ago
Yeah I have lived that life. Really messed up the way I think about things. Part of me really wants to be asked how I'm doing and give a real awnser, but I really know that it's best to give blanket statements.
As a guy you just have to get use to being seen as a utility more than a person and anything you say will be used against you.
therenousername 4y ago
That's Twitter not Facebook lol
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
BurningOrangeHeaven 4y ago
Those numbers don't correlate with the reality, maybe you don't realize the subtle shift in attitude that occurs etc.
just_tech_stuff 4y ago
I think women treat guys they think are losers like this..
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
mgtowolf 4y ago
Usually they pull that shit after the friendship/relationship ends. It's not only romantic partners, but female friends that pulled that kinda bullshit with me, back when I was dumb enough to think female friends could be trusted as much as male ones. Even the male friendships I had that ended in full out fistfights, neither of us ran around telling other people about stuff talked about in confidence. Out of all the male friends I have had and lost, only one dude was like that, and he was just trying to get in my girl's pants. Total snake that one. Numerous females though, running around spreading vile gossip, half truths and things said in confidence.
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
mgtowolf 4y ago
Now, sure. Back then, not so much. And these days I don't put myself in the position to be fucked over, so not really an issue. I want to have some fun, I hang with a girl/mixed comapany. I need to talk serious or whatever, I got a circle of male friends for that kinda thing.
monkilovin 4y ago
Assumed this was r/niceguys initially. You folks need to take a close look at yourselves, I think.
OGmojo 4y ago
Wtf is this. Menaright sub defending women like a bunch of white knights. Sad ass cucks.
scyth3s 4y ago
Men's rights doesn't have to mean "hates and denigrates women." Leave that shit at the door, we're here to try and solve some problems.
BTL_NYC 4y ago
Where do you people find these trash women? I open up all the time, and that’s never happened to me.
goingfullham 4y ago
I believe that real men are not afraid of opening up because it takes courage and strength to show weakness.
Don't misunderstand, being a weak cry baby is not a position of strength. It's only when you can show that you are able to be be unfazed from the shit that comes next is when a strong character rises from the ashes.
Men are competitive and that's why then want to show strong character. But a strong character has no competitors, that's why real strong men can do what ever they want. They won't be fazed by your stupid definition of the world.
Anonymous-Ballon 4y ago
Until you realize they are conditioned from birth to believe to not open up or cry because it’s “not manly” and are told that they should be willing to throw away their lives for women and others because they are worthless. It’s difficult to recondition behavior taught at birth.
goingfullham 4y ago
Is that a bad thing? Or is that a cultural trait that lives on because societies that where opposite simply didn't pass on their genes?
MBV-09-C 4y ago
I know you think you mean well, but the moment you try to say "a real man is/would do X", you're outright saying any man that doesn't fit your pigeonhole description is less than a man. That either implies you're classing them as female instead or just plain subhuman. Benefit of the doubt, you likely don't actually mean that, you're probably just trying to say that men should be symbols of strength, but I'm just letting you know what you're actually coming off as.
goingfullham 4y ago
There are genetics that dictate what "REAL" men are. And on top of that we have culture.
And I don't care what I'm coming off as, as longs as my statement is true.
thegump88 4y ago
But men do this as well
LondonLiliput 4y ago
This has literally never happened to me, but ok...
xAlphaKat 4y ago
Well that's nice anecdotal evidence.
LondonLiliput 4y ago
Yeah I thought since the tweet provides no more than a claim, it's just as good.
Is there empirical evidence on this?
xAlphaKat 4y ago
I'm kinda getting tired of saying this. But just because it isnt a problem for YOU doesnt mean it isnt a problem.
LondonLiliput 4y ago
That's completely understandable and I feel for you that you feel like you can't open up to your partner. But the tweet implies that this is typical behaviour from women which I just can't confirm at all.
Listen man, it's impossible for me to judge your situation or experiences you made. And I think it's quite important that men learn to open up and that the world learns that men have emotions too and it's not a sign of weakness. But if it's a reoccurring theme in your life, it might be due to some choices you unintentionally make in your life. Or maybe it's the way you open up or the other person not realising that you're making yourself vulnerable, what do I know. But the biggest point is that if you have to hide things about yourself from your partner, maybe you're just not a great match. In theory you should be able to just own whatever it is in front of your partner because it's a part of who you are and if they can't accept it there's probably someone more suitable for you out there.
xAlphaKat 4y ago
It's not a problem for me.
[deleted] 4y ago
[removed]
mgtowolf 4y ago
That sub is garbage.
Fuck outta here with that shit.
EndStageMaleSpinster 4y ago
That sub is garbage. Fuck outta here with that shit.
cardboardbox47 4y ago
You are on that sub retard dont want to see it dont go on it
morerokk 4y ago
First of all, MensLib is NOT a men's sub, it is a feminist sub first and foremost. For starters, they banned a male rape victim because he spoke out about how his feminist friends mistreated and ignored him. Because it made feminists look bad.
One of the top contributors on MensLib literally apologized to a female rapist.
And far more importantly, they don't allow discussion on many topics such as the Duluth Model, circumcision, or male paternal surrender. Because once again, the Duluth Model makes feminists look bad, therefore you're not allowed to talk about it. Even though it's a men's sub and the Duluth Model is a sexist model that directly hurts men.
How do you expect to have an open and honest conversation about male abuse victims if you are literally not allowed to talk about it on there? Just like every other feminist subreddit, they ban disagreement and any form of going against the narrative, because they can't handle discussion or debate.
Fuck MensLib and fuck anyone who shills for them.
PM-TITS-FOR-CODE 4y ago
Don't forget they're also blatantly ableist, and will allow salty TERFs and femcels to wail on autistic men for "being creepy".
EndStageMaleSpinster 4y ago
Well since you say there are other "far more important" things than the one dude who apologized to a rapist, and got downvoted to all hell, let's just move past that example. Not sure why you included it as it's a very weak piece of evidence that the sub is "bad."
Just because it's a feminist sub doesn't mean it's not also a men's sub. That's a very silly and unnecessary false binary you set up there. (Zinger on the side: I'll bet that's not the only false binary you bring up in discussions.) And given how poorly you're using examples to represent malfeasance, forgive me if your telling of the banning a male rape victim "because it made feminists look bad" doesn't ring all the truth bells. Where's the link so I can see the exchange? Is it as bad and irrelevant as the other link you provided?
The things you claim that you're not allowed to discuss aren't listed anywhere in the rules. As far as I can tell you can discuss those things, if you make it clear you are discussing them in good faith and aren't championing anti-feminist talking points. I suspect you're unable to do the latter part, however, so maybe that's where the sticking point is.
Obligatory fuck MensRights and fuck anyone who shills for them.
morerokk 4y ago
Right, but if you ban discussion of very real and very impactful men's issues, you are not a men's sub.
Nope, but those topics are still banned and you are not allowed to discuss them. Here's proof that I found with 5 seconds of Googling.
You're right that it should be in the rules, but it isn't.
And that's exactly my point, thanks for proving it. You cannot discuss men's issues if they happen to make feminists look bad, such as the feminist-made Duluth Model which says that women can't abuse men.
Isn't it funny how you're not banned from here despite going against the narrative? I wouldn't be able to say half the things about MensLib that you're saying here without getting the banhammer.
It was 3 years ago and nobody saved any archives. Google it.
PM-TITS-FOR-CODE 4y ago
Do you have any examples of the "misogyny" on here?
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
PM-TITS-FOR-CODE 4y ago
That's fair, but in all honesty it's also completely true. I've got a very tight-knit friend group and we all agreed that we can share our emotions with each other, but not with our girlfriends. It's the main reason I only date other guys.
I did a writeup on it here.
EndStageMaleSpinster 4y ago
Good question. I do, in fact. This one time I brought up misogyny and instead of having a conversation about it some dude just put it in scare quotes to show his disdain and inability to even think about the term. That's when I realized that the people on this sub generally aren't arguing in good faith and seem to lack the ability to understand things they hold strong opinions about.
haagendaas 4y ago
First off, that’s the weakest example I’ve ever seen in my life. Second off, all men’s lib does is talk about patriarchy and how it hurts men. They’re so goddamn boring because they only have one issue they talk about. Like the whole sub is such a goddamn snoozefest.
Post 1: men are killing themselves because they can’t open up their feelings
Post 2: men who uphold the patriarchy are way sadder than us enlightened ones
Post 3: we have done so much harm to women... yada yada
Like it’s such a terrible sub lmao, at least we’re fun. Sure, sometimes we overstep a few boundaries, but we’re able to have actual, genuine conversations without downvoting each other for possibly insinuating that women may have caused a problem.
PM-TITS-FOR-CODE 4y ago
I mean real and verifiable examples. Screenshots, links to comments, archives, etc. Do you have any of those?