What is DEERing?

D.A.R.E.

Deflect Agree and Amplify Repeat Exit

For me it took over 6-7 months to get the real fundamentals behind the whole STFU and DEERing. Your whole life you were taught to explain and talk about shit....

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You only really DEER when you have been challenged or tested. One potential is; Did you actually fuck something up? If so you need to own your shit. Don't be a weasel and try to redirect or shift blame. Part two; If its just a shit test, or you stand by your actions then it will be pretty easy to come up with a response.... once you have developed frame and practiced everything you are learning from the sidebar.

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D: Deflect A: Agree and Amplify R: Repeat E: Exit

And read..read...read

I STFU then my wife says “your smirking!!!” when I truly am just trying to hold my mouth shut so I don’t say what I think of the crap she is spewing at me.

If you’re going to STFU don’t be autist about it. Sometimes I’ll just look at my wife with an expression that says, “you didn’t really just ask/assert/say that did you?”

Otherwise you can FOG (“Yep, I guess I’m sort of selfish,” essentially just own it), Agree and Amplify (“yes I am planning on taking the trash out... just waiting for the zombie hoard to clear out.”). Or just be like, “Nope, can’t do that now.)

You'd be surprised how well STFU works. Even if it's to just give you time to process before speaking - more often than not, she'll just start going again and it turns into a monologue. Don't be afraid to tune out either.

DARE, don't DEER: http://archive.is/2hjQR

Just a reminder, the expectation is that if you're going to post to MRP, you're expected to add value to the reader.

MRP is not here for you to value leech from.

I've banned OP for 1} not adding value, and more importantly, 2} acting like a cunt when called out.

Guys, you guys are great, but please indulge value leeching behavior only at askMRP. We don't need or want leeches. We want people that force each other to be better.

just sit there with your mouth shut?

Basically. That's STFU right there. Fogging is also pretty effective.

DARE

"I'm not having this coversation". #leaves-the room-to-go-lift-some-heavy-iron

DARE instead of DEER

This should be on r/askmrp

Another good post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8uj2re/how\_can\_i\_stop\_feeling\_the\_need\_to\_explain\_myself/

AA is an advanced technique.

You should just STFU and read the sidebar.