[FR] An admission from my wife | Married Red Pill

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The continuation of the Reddit sub of the same name... just in case we get the axe too.

Created by SorcererKing

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thunderbeyond

Posted 7y ago in Uncategorized - Permalink - Locked - 3.7K Views

I posted a 1 yr update on here and I wasn't intending to post a 2 yr update. But after a few comments from the wife, I thought I would. If nothing else, its for you lurkers and guys grinding it out to realise that this shit works.

A few weekends ago we managed to get a babysitter, so I told the wife that we were going out for dinner. It was only a quick dinner out, not a huge special occasion.

We are out at dinner, and we are talking as adults. (For those of you with kids, its important that when you take your wife out that you're not taking out the mother of your children, you treat her like a girlfriend. Flirt with her. Make her feel young and girly.)

It was during this conversation we were discussing what we wanted to do in the next few years. I was telling her some of my plans for the future (study and work) and she said:

"you know, I don't think you would have chosen to be with me if you had the option now"

It was a complete non-sequitur. But that one sentence demonstrated the difference I'd made in two years. Two years ago - a skinny-fat, drinking, fake-it-til-you-make-it asswipe that she regarded with contempt. Now she thinks I wouldn't choose her if I was single...

What was the difference? What makes me a different person now than before?

I stuck to the gameplan.

I made a MAP. I stuck to it. I review it and I update it.

I joined the gym. I lift. I'm not going to lie, I'm not a yuuuge guy but I'm trim and well built and looking better in my 40s than I ever did in my 20s.

I upgraded my wardrobe, got a stylish haircut. I made new social circles. I became more involved in the local community.

Sure there were some times when I ground out and didn't lift for a while, or lost frame. But never for long, and when I did, I came back more fierce than ever. It's simple. I stuck to the plan. Don't confuse this post with a humblebrag. This is me... telling you... that I've been working this for over two years and I really dig the person that I am. My marriage still isn't perfect, no way. But I am one-thousand times the man I was before, and that's what MRP offered, and that's what I got. I never came here looking for marriage fix-up, I was here to fix me.

I'm proud of the person that I am now. A man that two years ago my wife wanted to kick out, but who now thinks is well above her station. I'm not perfect, I've still got work to do. I'm confident and secure about myself. MRP has made the man.

So boys, are you going to stick with it?

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pandachief005 7y ago

This post gave me chills...

BluepillProfessor 7y ago

That is the way to instill passive dread! Good job.

Example number #41,799 that it is impossible for women to be happy in a relationship unless they are unhappy. You can give them the gift of anxiety or the "gift" of simpery. Both will make her unhappy but the gift of anxiety = dread which makes her relieve her unhappiness by screwing her man while simpery makes her explode into shit tests and bitchy behavior.

Choose your poison- Arsenic or Hemlock- but our recommendation is to go with the one that makes her screw.

Perfectinmyeyes 7y ago

Nice Post, have to read your old stuff. As others pointed out you came here to work on you...

simbarlion 7y ago

"you know, I don't think you would have chosen to be with me if you had the option now"

That's dread so passive you didn't know you were doing it.

screechhater 7y ago

Ain’t no shit.

sash_northpointe 7y ago

Thanks man, I’ve only just begun and have made big changes and have seen huge improvements in a short span of time with the help of the sidebar and guys on here. Still miles to go for me, but yes, will keep it going.

redrebel69 7y ago

How can I start marketing a plan?

muzzy_w 7y ago

Rules 1 and 2 of fight club.

i-am-the-prize 7y ago

Uh, MAP is not a marketing plan

https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical-Creating/dp/149045151X

Mindful

Attraction

Plan

[deleted] 7y ago

[deleted]

thunderbeyond 7y ago

I also subscribe to r/stoicism which I believe is a very complementary way of thinking. I encourage all RP thinkers to at least explore it.

[deleted] 7y ago

[deleted]

Vegasman20002 7y ago

Best book ever written IMO. I read it once a month. It is great to read when things aren't going as well as I want.

[deleted] 7y ago

This is eye opening. I want to make a plan. I'm still new here. Thanks for the post!

_Icarus_Reborn_ 7y ago

Just went and read your 1 year update before reading this, and thanks for the quality post.

It always does help reading posts like this and knowing that people out there have used TRP and gotten results.

It's no longer just anecdotal anymore. It's works. But you gotta grind.

FoxShitNasty83 7y ago

Sticking with it till death

thunderbeyond 7y ago

You and me both.

Persaeus 7y ago

"you know, I don't think you would have chosen to be with me if you had the option now"

what was your response?

WisdomTangoFoxtrot 7y ago

Guys, she just wants feelz. My wife has said the same when I achieve success or laying down some ambition.

Pressure flip- Make her feel special about something she is doing or marginally doing to keep you. (Never miss an opportunity to reinforce good behavior)

Agree and amplify- Nod. "I am getting tired of keeping these other women up off me, if I leave you it's because I just couldn't take it anymore. I know you'll understand. That's why I love you."

Or just bear hug her....and say "There, there is someone needing a little love." And treat her like the child she is acting.

Also your future should in someway include her into the vision. Then you won't deal with comfort tests.

BreakBankRP 7y ago

Why don't you just laugh at stuff like this? This isn't even a shit test. Laugh and stfu

Persaeus 7y ago

Depending on the circumstances; this might be the right approach

BreakBankRP 7y ago

Oh I think I commented to the wrong post. I meant to reply to OP

thunderbeyond 7y ago

I told her that I would still be with her.

Persaeus 7y ago

Is that true?

thunderbeyond 7y ago

No. I wouldnt choose her now. That's the honest truth.

I have other options. None worth swapping out for.

But my relationship with my wife is strong enough that I'm going to stay.

mrp_awakening 7y ago

A better answer might have been that you never lost the option, and you're making the choice to stay every day.

That would keep the dread you've built, while adding just a dash of comfort. More importantly though, it keeps you true to yourself.

RStonePT 7y ago

deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.2491 ^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?

Persaeus 7y ago

probably one of the most important lessons, or changes in mental states, i have learned in MRP is to either say what i really mean (and be congruent) or STFU and let my actions talk.

still though this is a tough call,

on the one hand, it's just a comfort test and you provide the comfort and move on knowing you left an opportunity for her to do better on the table

on the other hand, it's a shit test to see if you're really man enough to clearly state your values, and by failing it you're showing you're not worth that extra effort.

i have not threaded that needle myself yet

the form of this i get (last time was February) is "i'm never good enough for you while crying and blowing snot bubbles". she wants to play the victim in her own mind, and have me rescue her feelz. i want to say "quit crying, and do better". i STFU

SorcererKing 7y ago

How about the classic pressure flip? "Why do you think that?" Let her dig her own grave, since whatever she comes up with will then provide ammunition for A&A or impetus for her to get her shit together and fix it. In the end though, that's a comfort test, so if you do play with it a little, it needs to end with some comfort.

Persaeus 7y ago

How about the classic pressure flip? "Why do you think that?"

thanks for this, probably the best answer and has the virtue of being simple. i've never tried this in this situation so definitely will give it a whirl

Let her dig her own grave

hmm, she's more likely to smash me over the head with the shovel as to start digging a hole for herself.

i don't get this very often, once in the last two years after a rash of it post DL12. however, over the decades her playbook is always the same. she'll followup with fogging on "your pressuring me", "that's not me", and basically "your making me feel bad". i used to argue her feelz (bad idea); now i just STFU and throw in some "yeah that is me"

hack3ge 7y ago

I thought I was the only one dealing with this behavior too - I tried treating it as a shit test at first and that failed miserably. It's actually what caused her to basically withhold sex for 2 months in January.

She did it again in April and I treated it as a comfort test - she didn't pull away as much but she did get a little complacent. Sex dropped off and she started to be more affectionate and saying I love you all the time.

After our main event recently - I started getting more satisfied with the frequency but her effort was sub-par at times and she pushed back on a lot of things (I know this is to be expected and its on me to get there) and so I pushed the envelope and I ended up getting another instance of it like a week ago when I walked away from her putting conditions out one night - "Nothing I ever do is good enough for you - we are fucking pretty much everyday how is that not enough." (Obviously from her comments I'm getting duty sex - usually not starfish though)

This time I opted for the "Yes things are way better than they used to be but I've always held back and tempered what I wanted. That isn't me anymore and I can see now that we can have everything we have ever wanted together and I don't want to settle for just good I want amazing for us."

I have no idea whether this worked yet but afterwards she did say she is open to trying new things as long as I take it slow with her and don't make her feel like it's something she has to do - her n count is 2 and she has zero frame of reference for anything kinky. Although its just words, she has since said she might be open to anal which has been off the table with her since day one.

I'd be interested in what others have tried as it seems a lot of folks get this behavior. My issue is I just don't her to think her current effort is good enough but at the same time don't want to disregard the fact that she has been stepping up and trying more.

johneyapocalypse 7y ago

Persaeus, I have crossed the line into honesty to the point of cruelty and I don't think it helps anyone.

It's one thing to be congruent, it's another thing to value - above all else - your self-respect - but it's another still to needlessly hurt those around you.

I'm navigating these waters now.

Of course I'll get through it.

Persaeus 7y ago

point of cruelty

pretty much where i'm at. it comes down to you can't expect someone to conform to your unicorn vision of a woman. in other words, you can't design people.

BostonBrakeJob 7y ago

the form of this i get (last time was February) is "i'm never good enough for you while crying and blowing snot bubbles". she wants to play the victim in her own mind, and have me rescue her feelz. i want to say "quit crying, and do better". i STFU

My god I get this a lot. STFU is pretty fucking hard for me when it happens too. How do you keep the trap shut instead of letting her hear what you have an issue with?

(I think I may be in the process of answering my own question here. All the same, I'd like to hear your take.)

Lightning14 7y ago

I've learned to just withdraw attention and comment as little as possible in regards to behavior I don't condone.

Then throw on the attention with authentic enthusiasm when behavior is in line with my frame.

Reward good behavior. And ignore bad. Confronting it just makes it more real when it's just their emotions running amok. Shit tests have become fewer for me, and my girl seems to do a quick 180 when those fits do arise.

470_2_700_nm 7y ago

“you know, I don't think you would have chosen to be with me if you had the option now"

Response, and the gods honest truth: “I’d let you all have a crack at me and let the thirstyest high value one win, and continue winning, as long as she continued to vie for my attention in the way I expect. And I know you know what I expect.”

johneyapocalypse 7y ago

Nice job... I've been rooting for you since day one.

Going back to your early cry for (presentation) help, I spoke in front of a thousand people yesterday and was swarmed afterward like a rockstar.

You rock too, bro.

Keep going, you'll get to Nirvana before you know it.

MrChad_Thundercock 7y ago

“I was here to fix me.”

Yep.

Great post man.

i-am-the-prize 7y ago

good for you dude. very inspiring.

Your passive dread game is on point.

I too want(ed) to fix me first and by extension improve my marriage - so I respect your reply in the comments about "not worth the swap". In the end, this new-you knows: deep down, if she fucks up: you are outta there and can do better. That's peace of mind money can't buy.

screechhater 7y ago

This an excellent example of a good “inside view” of the hamster @ work.

Never under estimate the basics. Never.

Absolutely amazing what just getting to Dread Level three then Four can seriously do to the hamster. Add in a squeeze of comfort and you can become the “puppet master”.