34 y/o

6'0"

175 lbs.

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Weights

Squat: 195 lbs. (5x5)

Deadlift: 245 lbs. (1x5)

Overhead Press: 110 lbs. (5x5)

Bench Press: 145 lbs. (5x5)

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Sidebar

No More Mr. Nice Guy

The Rational Male

Sixteen Commandments of Poon

The Way of the Superior Man

The Book of Pook

Sex God Method

jacktenofhearts (every post/comment)

Married Man Sex Life Primer, When I Say No I Feel Guilty, The Art of Seduction (all bought but not yet read)

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Marriage

We'll have been together for 14 years this Autumn, seven of them married. Two kids: Son (4.5), Daughter (2.5). Our relationship had always been a bit tenuous, but it's deteriorated pretty steadily since having children, and we haven't had sex since before my daughter was born.

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I stumbled upon Red Pill the day before Valentine's Day this year. I've been trying for years to find something to help with my sexless marriage, and I'd read a book by David Schnarch called Passionate Marriage which is really good (even if it doesn't provide much practical advice). So good, in fact, that I'd accidentally found one of BluePillProfessor's YouTube videos about it, and found my way here. It was like being punched in the gut. I walked around in a daze for the next two days. It was sort of like a part of me came online that day, a sexual part. Any shame or unease I'd had about my sexuality melted away that day; I can sense now if a woman wants me. I've started going up to hot sales clerks at the store, hot women in Yoga pants at the gym, hot bartenders at the dive, and soaking up the sexual tension which exists in the space between words. Pure sexual tension.

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Pretty much my whole relationship to my wife I've been really Beta. I've never been at peace with it, though, and sometimes I'd get really fucking angry at this unnatural groveling which I'd assumed dating/relationships/marriage required. I'm pretty socially adept, but I do not like being told what to do. At all. If I'm honest, it made me resent women in general, because fuck that. All of which is to say, I was a huge pussy.

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I play in a golf men's league during the week and I play to join a BJJ class once the season's over. I've started taking ownership of much of the maintenance of my home: painting doors that need it, fixing faults with the dehumidifier, changing toilet seats which are broken/old, etc. I started StrongLifts in February (those lifts above are what I've worked up to so far) after never having lifted a barbell before in my life. I'd done bullshit like crunches and cardio and stuff , but never heavy weights on a bar. Rowing was the closest I've come to it in the past. This collegiate athlete I met at the local gym has been showing me the Olympic lifts lately, and I'm hooked. I started writing at the recommendation of a friend, and I have a huge wellspring of creative impulse which I've stifled for most of my life. I scheduled a couple long weekend trips for later this year, traveling to visit some good friends of mine from college. I've more or less resolved to make this an annual thing.

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My wife fights me tooth and nail over control, which is something we've dealt with for a long time, but I don't acquiesce very much anymore and I'm much more resolute about it. She acts utterly repulsed by me. But the fact of the matter is that she's exhausted by the kids, being anxious about everything all the time, and concerning herself over really small minutiae about the home and our children. Her moods affect me far more than they should, but since they're mostly foul I'm more or less forced to improve my ability to self-regulate. I've Rambo'ed more than once, and was especially reckless at the beginning. The sports car analogy used on here is remarkably apt. As I've become more impassive speaking with and to my wife, the shit tests and comfort tests have fluctuated wildly. Sometimes one bleeding seamlessly into another. I often have no idea what to say, so I either say nothing or I just repackage her feelings back to her.

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I need to become more responsible for my own happiness, and less regulated by my wife's emotions. I need to be much more patient, more stolid, more independent. I need to find something that is worthy of giving my life to, a purpose to my toil under the sun.

OYS #4

Stats:

Age: \~50yrs old, Height: 5'11”, Weight: 210 lbs, <16% BF, will test again mid July at Dr. office.

Relationship: Wife is same age, been together 20+ yrs, several kids 9-15 yrs old.

Lifts: Squat: just did 315# at 5 reps the other night, a new high for me. DL still don't go too hard, just 225 for reps due to a hamstring tear a few years back. I can bench my weight but perfer 185 for reps now to save my aging shoulders.

Sidebar reading - in progress ones

WISNIFG – Still not done with it, it's the heaviest of the ones I've read so far, need quiet time and i find myself re-reading sections. very powerful tho, much 'larger' than mrp in applicability.

Pook – Just started it, much lighter, find myself laughing at times with headphones in public places

Mastery, and 48 laws of power also ongoing, lots to digest here. Looking forward to some summer vacation time to ramp up reading hours.

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Background: It's in other posts, but got my body improved in the past 1.5 yrs, and in March 2019 had an 'event' when on vacation with family/kids, a small thing my wife did (didn't do) that set me off. I thought about it impartially (If one of my bro's had told me what happened, how would I have viewed it) and true enough, I knew I needed to

1. fix this**, or
2. leave her, or
3. be forever unhappy in my marriage as it was at the time

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Option 3 was not an option. Option 2 was not my first choice, so Option 1 had me remember a several year old digital copy of MMSLP2011 and search up what other "things" were like it, or in the same realm. Found Rollo's books, and then I was on this path...

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** this = me really, as I've learned.

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This is my life, they can join me: Even the way I invite my wife and kids to activities has changed. It's no longer: "you will be going with me to...." rather: "I'm going boating on this Saturday, you can come and be part of the experience and family, or you can miss it". I have begun taking my kids, 1 at a time, to the gym with me on my 'off/easy' days. It takes more time, and isn't quite the same on those days, but I'm teaching them something valuable, I'm spending "one on one" time with each, and I'm now going 7-8x/week vs. 3-4x a week, so I'm getting in more isolation exercises, and sure enough things like biceps, traps, delts are showing changes. Case in point: My wife noticed/complimented "your arms are more defined, what's up with that?" when exiting the shower the other day. Not a validation needed, just thought it funny that my quads have grown by 2" in 10 months, and only me and the tape measure noticed, but "yer guns" grow a whole 1/2" and go from 19 to 16 % BF and the female notices.

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Sexual – We've had some great sessions in the last few weeks/month. Some of the most extreme (for us) Dom play, yet some of the most slow/passionate/building/rhythmic sessions on different days. I've been very happy with our sex of late, and she who is ultra friggin stingy with complements, has been complementary more in 6 weeks than in the past 6 years. It's funny, I assume it's better for her too now that I'm more fit and more DEVI, and the feedback during (ie: dirty talk, moaning, her body's internal reaction) are definitely tops; but maybe it's also because I don't fish/hint for complements now. I make it playful afterwards, smack her ass, and get in the shower first or depending on her cuddle needs, simply go downstairs to do some more billable work, etc. I know it's good, I know I'm good, I know AWALT type woman would also enjoy it. Most importantly, I enjoyed it. Period.

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Physical - keep dropping BF, so staying the course on my diet and exercise regiment. I've added more low intensity cardio, more trips to the gym per above, and keep adding weight to all my exercises. My goal is single digit body fat and stay above 200# total mass.

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Dread - I've been at level 4 for a while now. To keep things fresh I only do planned date nights monthly - but I like to do impromptu happy hours or quick bites out every week or 2 . So one night last week, just her and me, I set one up...

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I had on a new pair of fancy ass expensive (read: dark, fitted) jeans. I also was wearing an amazing fitted dress shirt, and for the first time wearing "shirt stays" I read about somewhere to make your shirt stay tucked and show off your V / narrow waist. She noticed and raised eyebrows at home. We walk into the loft level of this hipster den, and it was 75% women, and a few gay couples and some Herbs with their baggy brown outfits and knit beanies like it's 50 degrees cooler outside than it really was. It was like a friggin movie, most of the women checked me out as we walked to the far end of the bar. I watched my wife's eye's in the mirrors behind the bar as she evaluated her competition. Funny as shit. Had to suppress smiling.

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So we sit, we order our drinks and she drops: "so, you're displaying every trait I've read about that a man having an affair demonstrates... you've improved yourself physically, you are dressing better - sure not just new clothes because of the weight loss, but you've never had a brand ZZZ jeans before, your grooming is more attentive, you are busy working out, and you're harder to reach and slower to txt me back." She stops talking and I stare back at her. All I can think of is STFU STFU STFU. I dont' smile. I don't talk. For like 10 solid seconds I'm staring into her eyes from a foot away. She simply can't take it, and she starts babbling about a girlfriend of hers' brother having an affair and how no one believed it because he was sooo busy that how could he have had time, blah blah blah. At this point, I do speak: "yes, even busy people will make time for what is important to them. Men will move meetings, women will move ladders and climb in 2nd story windows. I never believe someone when they say they are too tired or too busy for what's truly important to them..." and let that hang there (a throwback to the past 10+ yrs of some of her excuses for lack of sex). This pause was a long 15 seconds, at which point she changed the subject and we began talking about normal summer plans with our kids.

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In the end, I never denied it, and didn't assuage her fears either. (for the record in 20+ yrs together, I've never cheated; I don't judge those who do, but for me, I take the vows seriously and will break it off if/when needed, until then I will be able to look at her and me without shame) But I didn't forget the conversation. A few hours later, when kino'ing and flirting before bed, I made a joke about the cheating theme making her laugh and keeping her in my frame. Felt strong, and after all, she wants to be with someone strong, not just someone nice/weak.

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Abundance - maybe this should have been before the dread paragraphs. Truly could have had 2 women over this past weekend (my wife was out of town with all of our kids the whole weekend; I hosted a man/bro BBQ and spent time with my good friends). Both of these women were work related, one 25 years younger than me totally into the new me, can't stop complimenting me, isolates me from others when I visit their site. Single, tall, long shampoo-commercia-har-blonde, thin yet curvy, no makeup hot. Known her for 5 yrs or so, she's only literally noticed me in the past 6 months when I broke under 20% BF and bought new clothes. She's not looking for a husband, just a contestant for the CC. She's flat out said she's too young to get serious with a guy right now... The second one I had just met, a "manufacturer's representative" (aka: hot ass chick who's job it is to convince you to buy their shit). She was kino'ing me, arm touching, isolating me at a booze event, asking me to show her around "my town" (she was from out of town). I demurred, keeping it professional. One of my colleagues noticed the happenings and was like: "holy shit, that girl is so fucking hot, how did you say no?" me: "because I know i can have it when i want it, i don't need it" I was looking forward to my BBQ, and time with my bros. Abundance mindset, it's for real.

OYS 2019-06-23 Stats: age 60, married, 2 kids in school, weight 74 (now fasting with OMADs and 48s) body comp still sucks

OVERALL -- Last week the main girl jumped ship and this week the #2 girl said sayonara. Meanwhile all the work I have done in the past months to replace these two paid off big time, as I got the new main girl locked-in. "Don't Chase, Replace"

STFU – I fucking talk too much period. Most of it val-ho stuff in one way or another. I am journaling this stuff and grading myself daily. There will be a breakthrough on this at some point. Just keep hammering at it.

LIFT – still going strong with the fasting. This week I broke through the set point that has eluded me for the past 7 years of dieting, at 75. Now I strongly believe that I can get through 70 and take it further still. Why the fuck not. If you asked me how has BJJ changed my life? -- then I'd say one thing is that I am surrounded by guys in the club that have awesome Jujituska physiques. They look like Greek gods. Very inspirational.
When I first started losing weight back in 2011 it was to be more attractive to women. Now it's to be among the badass jujitsu guys. Big change.

Just as a side comment, my RP buddy made the comment that I speak Japanese like a bitch (like most foreigners do). Well, duh, that's the result of being in the crab bucket for 30 years. And all of my male friends outside the home, who I meet very seldom, are totally fucking fat soy autistic English speaking losers who speak the same bitch Japanese.

So getting into the BJJ gym is the first time I have ever been around the hard core red pill Japanese guys with full body tattoos and shit. I speak beautiful, cultured Japanese, but I can hardly understand the rough speech that these guys use, so it's an education and skill up exercise. Learning to speak like a construction worker.

READ – Finished Scott Adams "How to Fail" -- my take the second time around on this book is that it's all about the energy. You do whatever activities you can to increase your personal energy, and eliminate those things that draw energy down. I added a section to my daily journal about this, because I want to systematically focus on increasing energy. The fasting is definitely helping with this, because I am not falling asleep after eating a bunch of carbage.

-- Still listening to tons of Snake Juice content on Youtube, about fasting. Reprogramming my diet habits to just make fasting the core. Should mention that the fantastic Georges St. Pierre interview on Rogan, #28, was the thing that catalyzed me to charge headfirst into fasting. Both highly recommended.

-- One of my goals this year was to long march thru Jocko Podcast, and I continue making progress on that this week, after a slow start. Reprogramming myself to have an OYS mindset first and foremost. I have even started taking ownership of the weather (as Jocko suggest you should)

-- I bought the two-for-one Self Authoring (JBP) package and gave the second one to a deserving but downtrodden mentee. Who is making good use of it, as I expected. Bring value. I am working through the program myself, day-by-day and exercise by exercise. The goal is to get deeper self knowledge so I can make more shit happen in my life. The takeaway this far is various concrete suggestions of things I can do to move the needle on my worst issues, and to reinforce the virtues. I'll incorporate this takeaway into my system when done. I will post some of the things I discover here too.

DRUNK CAPTAIN -- I continued OYSing my unfinished house and garden. Sprints have been incorporated into my system and I am doing a sprint right now on the closet and kitchen in master suite. Not going as fast as I want, but it is at least moving.

SHARPEN SAW – This is all about adding and improving skills. This week I latched onto the idea of becoming fucking excellent. Well, duh. This is straight out of Brian Tracy, again. I wrote this into my mission and objectives. To target doing things fucking excellently, not just scraping through barely with a pass, which is the beta faggot in me defaults to. Default is not acceptable.

SOCIAL -- I met up on three occasions this week with guys who are RP oriented and working on themselves, and I brought value in each case. One of the guys that I have been mentoring got an exciting new job on Wall Street -- which I had been pushing him toward hard, so I am so fucking proud of him.

-- The new main girl, my hot "granddaughter". Officially locked-in and annointed the main girl. We had the monogamy discussion, and Î said can't promise that. I did the full SGM routine on her and as expected it rocked her world. It always does, right? She is a cut or two above the last main girl in terms of quality of character. Hot and no drama. To prevent myself from getting hopeless oneitis I need to hurry up and get my ass out there next week and bang some FWBs.

Finding the new main girl at last is a milestone I have been working on for a long time. I as with the GF for eight years and most of that time I was looking. Hard to find somebody good. All the time, energy and focus I have been pouring into finding the new main girl I can now direct back to where it's desperately needed: my skills and business. So this is a turning point.

-- Also, I had an old-fashioned sit down break-up dinner with #2 girl. She gave me a horrible earful of drama about the new girl, whose existence she managed to deduce. And I'm like, hey I have been telling you for the past five years I was fucking other girls. She says she hadn't believed me. Hamster logic. Finally, in exasperation, I took ownership and said, well I am responsible for this, I should have made absolutely certain you comprehended that the other girls were real. And Pooooooof! Her anger dissipated like gunsmoke, then she was all smiles and I took her by the hand off to a hotel for a sweet farewell bang. Extreme ownership, it works in all things.

MISSION: bring value — create and bring it for somebody or something every day, somehow. Main objective is to raise my two daughters, and I worked more on IELTS this week with the elder. She also hit me with the first hard shit test in quite awhile, and I give myself a soft fail on the response. Followup was good, but in the heat of the moment I failed exactly the way I always have.

SUMMARY – excellent job locking in the new girl, reading and study, diet and lifting; need to grind further on STFU and shit tests, a very euphoric week of change, now get back to work.

31, 6', 224 lbs, BF28%, Lifting and cardio routine established (Push, Pull, Legs, Rest), 1800 calories a day, with 200g of protein, tracking macros now, taking 5g creatine every day for 3 weeks now

The weird thing for my weight lifting journey is that I've been stuck at 224.3 lbs for the last 10 days in a row or so. I've been following my calorie counting/restriction religiously without fucking it up. I've also been burning about 2000 calories through physical exercise every day, which should put me at strong calorie deficit--but I'm still not dropping weight. It just seems so weird to me that my weight isn't moving much.

My best guess is that I am putting on muscle at about the same rate I am losing fat, if that's possible? Newbie gains? I've only been lifting for about 5 weeks or so. I have taken some progress photos, and I'm still making some small visual progress from 10 days ago. A couple days ago I started measuring my belly fat circumference, so in a week or so I'll check it again to see if my belly is shrinking, even though my total weight isn't going down. Another good indicator that I'm gaining muscle is that my lifts are getting better and better. More reps, more weight, week after week--so that's good. But I really want this belly fat GONE.

Relationship with Fiance is getting better. I'm initiating, and she's responding really well. Sex just about every day or every other day. Is it weird that she doesn't really shit test me very often? Maybe I'm just not recognizing them? She's seeing me getting into the gym, and she's also started working out really hard and is improving her body as well. It's nice that we don't have any kids yet, so we both have time to workout every day.

I've been heavily focused on building Frame, and I've really been improving in many areas of my life. I've outlined the following for several areas of my life:

Frame Template (Why I Should Do XYZ in My Life)

· Social Experience

· Personal Experience

· Why I should BELIEVE in This Frame

· Action Plan/Examples

· Pitfalls that Break Frame in the Past

· What Would Instinctively Living this Frame Look Like

It's been incredibly helpful for me, and I can see my life changing and improving as I improve. That said, I've been failing to get my work done this week. It's cause of arguments with my best friend breaking my down my work ethic. Just really stressed me out and took me out of the proper mindset. I spent most of this morning trying to get back into frame, and I eventually realized sexual tension was causing the issue. Fiance was gone, so I just rubbed one out and felt much better, settled into frame, and got a lot of shit done today. But I definitely feel guilty about falling out of frame and not getting my work done this week (run my own company, so I have to stay self motivated). But staying in the right mindset for life in all of the areas of my life is difficult, and I see myself as still too weak to maintain my discipline like I need to. I need to work on this. Any tips?

Areas to work on this week: continue building out my "Frame" for other the areas of my life, maintain/improve my frame for the existing areas, keep lifting hard and not be discouraged because the fat lbs aren't coming off as fast as I want them to (probably just body recomp, but if waist measurement doesn't improve this coming week, I'll need to make changes to my diet or something. THIS FAT HAS GOT TO GO!)

OYS 33

Stats: Age 32. Wife 31. Married 7. 185 lbs. 6'0. 12% (Navy) - 14%BF (calipers).

I just passed the 2 year anniversary mark of discovering (M)RP. I don't feel any need to make a dedicated anniversary post like some of the guys. Maybe year 3 will be my year for that. In a nut shell year 1 was unfucking a lifetime of mental illness, emotional instability, and toxic thinking. Year 2 is what most guys start on; unfucking the unattractive behavior, killing needy validation seeking, developing frame, learning to lead, and building my own life independent of the wife. I want year 3 to be the payoff year. The hormone nightmare should be ending, the rope is tightening with my wife, and I have some goals I'm working toward again.

Testosterone Replacement

Last round of bloods had me at 209ng/dL. Last week my dose got raised from 60mg/week to 120mg/week. T

Week and a half in to the new dose. Already feel so much better by comparison. Maybe even a little better than when I started all this 2.5 months ago. Excited to see how I'm doing after the 6 week load time.

Sex\Relationship

Sex drive is back with the increased T. Walked out on bad sex twice this week. Had good sex last night. She reverted back to her nervous self and put the walls back up while my sex drive was low the past month. I got needlessly angry/frustrated the first night when I refused bad sex. That’s on me. I'm having to start over teaching her to be comfortable again and start building that immersion. That’s fine. I know what to do.

I've known the wife's BC is fucking her up for a while. Saw the old her come out when she forgot to take it for 2 weeks several months ago. Several doctors have refused to try and help her get off the stuff. She has been sick in general and we have spent about a year trying to figure out what is up with her. She took what felt like every test under the sun and they couldn't figure it out. I made her go see a specialist I heard good things about. He said he can absolutely get her off the BC with no issues. We also looked into the issues no other doctor has been able to help with. Found out she has very low levels in two immunoglobins(a fucked immune system), a type of anemia, deformed and low count white blood cells, blood parasites, and damaged red blood cells(from elevated free radicals and the parasites). Apparently blood parasites are fairly common and people with a healthy immune system can do just fine. Well her immune system is completely fucked so she is having all sorts of issues that mimic other diseases, thus the other doctors not figuring it out. And yes, I'm going to get tested for those parasites as well. My immune system is fine so I'm not having any symptoms if I do have them. I don't want to risk either of us having them though. Not really sure how they can travel from one person to another.

OYS #2, Take 3!

I am 49 5'10, 15% BF, 199 Lbs, Wife 52, Daughter 9, Married 10 years, Together 22 years.

I played Dancing Monkey over the last 4-5 years of my life. Huge Realization that I am not owning my kingship here.

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So I have realized that I am very angry every time I read materials, this forum and hear about things I am not getting.

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Blow Jobs, Sex Every Other Day with their wife and here I am hitting my record of no sex for 2 years and 4 times over the 2 years prior. I am re-reading everything again on here and I also realize how much power and focus I have given to doing stuff in order to see a result. Being attached to a specific outcome with a specific person and living focused on my wife's frame thinking if I play God, and help her that she might think of me.

I feel so burned around where I am. My whole life seems great as long as I do not expect sex from my wife.

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FITNESS:

Started Judo 3 weeks ago, and have now increased the GYM. I have determined that it's not how I look that is impacting her it's my mindset. However, now I have shifted to how can I do 2-3 things today for me that moves me along more to the "BAD-ASS" category of being fit for ME! I have been doing a lot in the past to get a desired attention or change in someone else which is why I end up getting on this rollercoaster of in and out of things - perhaps its because I am looking to get noticed instead of because that is what is best for me

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SEX:

0 sex, 0 oral sex, some hugs, and kisses. I am just burning about this.

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GAME:

Well, I am super sociable and lately, I have been asking myself do I want to venture out. What does that mean?

Here is the funny part over the last three days. Day 1: Got an email from a woman I met who asked how I was doing and said she had a dream about me. Yesterday morning I thought of another woman as I was taking a shower. I get to the market and I turn around and there she is talking to me asking me how I am doing and how is my day. Last night I went to the gym, on my way I have a girl call me over because of a jacket I was wearing, we start talking and then she asked me for my number and card and what I was doing Wednesday night?

I am not even trying to get a name and number and I have people reaching out to me. Yet, I am wondering do I take this further? That is the tricky part. Again, If I played the game of how many number and coffee meetings I could go on, I bet it would be many of them.

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I just feel jipped and HURT because I am seeking some form of attention from my wife. Last night wife was working from 9 pm to 11 pm, I got up and left for the GYM. She said now, I said yes and left to work out. Otherwise, I am spinning around in my head thinking about how to get through to her ...

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I realized how ANGRY I am, even angrier when I hear men on here having sex with their wives.

I know I need to create a BLUEPRINT and the ME PLAN and get SUPER FUCKING FOCUSED On not only going after all I want but FUCKING KNOCKING it out - PASS through comfortable and create STRATOSPHERE MODE SUCCESS.

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I feel successful, have finances in order, credit has raised and all is flowing...

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GOALS:

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• Hit Bad- Ass Fitness Mode 10% BF, Ripped and Comfortable to Walk Around Naked!
• Hit 100k per month in income
• Buy 3 properties by end of 2019
• Acquire 10 new projects for my passion
• Build My Frame
• Re-Read All of the Sidebar
• Keep Lifting
• Create BluePrint This Week for Master Life

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I do feel frustrated and thinking about sex all of the time since I am not getting any. I feel like I am in the twilight zone and it does not matter whether wife is going through meno-pause and all of her things. I have keep myself aligned with my PLAN..

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Jun 2019 OYS post

OYS#1

I’m 55, wife 50, married 25+, 2 adult children doing well. Just retired due to chronic back pain.

Sidebar: Finished The Rational Male vol 1 and No More Mr Nice Guy. Got halfway through The Book of Pook and got bogged down in the long slog 2nd half. The “15 lessons” in Pook were amazing; god I wished I had access to that 40 years ago. Working on The Rational Male vol 3 and When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Reading lots of posts on MRP and AskMRP.

160 pounds, 18% body fat. Lifts: bench 95lb, squat: not, deadlift: not. Lat pulldown 120lb. Walking lunges with a single 45lb plate. I won’t be doing any serious lifting until I get my spine repaired with a bunch of expensive titanium and polymer replacement parts. Until then, light lifting, bicycling, yoga, core work. And yes, I do fully appreciate that lifting 100 percent required in order to make serious progress. I already have nerve damage from ruined discs that makes my limbs go numb, upcoming surgery should fully fix all that and allow full lifting activities when Dr authorizes it. If you still want to call me a faggot, feel free - that’s why I’m here.

The sidebar has hit me like a sack of bricks. My wife is loyal, friendly, affectionate, funny, hard working, and generally fits the “quality” description. She is verbally my biggest fan. This fan talk is her nature and worldview; it’s not because I have an S on my chest. What had me thinking I wasn’t that beta is that her default character traits made me think I was doing OK. Her positive behavior toward me masked everything I was doing wrong. The “shrieking harpy” described so often in this sub delivers much more direct feedback than what I get. Nevertheless, TRM, NMMNG, and Pook have made it very clear to me that my “quality” wife is AWALT, and my relationship problems have the same cause, effect, and improvement plan as everyone else’s. Despite my wife’s unicorn status, I have many times over the years felt trapped in our relationship and wanting out. Now coming to grips with my part in that chemistry. The sidebar taught me to listen to her actions, not her words. The fact that she talks adoringly non-stop but does not take to her knees to suck on my knob all the time points to my lacking SMV.

Because my wife was cheerfully providing sex 3X a week, I didn’t realize what a profound lack of tingles I was causing, and how much work I needed to do. Looking back, I now recognize a great deal of highly-cringeworthy beta behaviors that were poisoning our relationship. I felt like NMMNG was written about my life. I also recognize now how positively my wife responds when I step up in any category of behavior.

I started TRT a month ago. It’s made some modest improvement in confidence, ED, ability to walk a mile without dying, and general mojo. Still no improvement to libido. They tell me I’ll see a lot more general improvements, including libido over the next several months. I didn’t tell my wife about TRT. I don’t go to any great efforts to hide it; she’s just not a snoopy person. Her take on my improvements is that all the extra sleep, exercise and reduced stress from retirement is agreeing with me.

In the spirit of NMMNG, I have been calmly standing up for myself in various general situations; “We can discuss this, but not if you use that tone. Up to you.” Shit tests at my house are very subtle. My wife has very high social IQ, and her Kung Fu is strong. She can basically run circles around me socially. Have been stepping up more to cook, do the taxes, take care of the house and cars, etc. I set us up with separate joint (to bypass probate if one of us dies) checking accounts for revenue coming in, with direct deposit into our shared expenses account. Goal is to eliminate most discussions about money. Not a divorce-defense strategy. In a reversal of our past situation, wife’s income is now much higher than mine, and I need the financial discipline to live within my own modest means. Wife seems happier and more grounded than I have seen her in a long time. Have achieved good room-mate status, now it’s time to work on upgrading to a higher intensity level than that.

So I’ve just barely dipped my toes in the RP water. Liking the change so far. Still, the many reports on here about caveman sex, blowjobs in the car and all that seem impossible at this point. I understand that those rewards don’t come without putting in the work. I have a very long way to go.

OYS #7

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Beginning 10th Week:

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40 yo, 6’0, 223lbs (-23lb since start), 22% BF(Navy, -7% since start), married 20, kids: bunches and pregs

1RM: SQ285, BP240, OHP160, DL305

Sidebar: Gorilla, WISNIFG, MMSLP, NMMNG, Pook, Practical Fem Psych, Rational Male

In Progress: Models, The Game, Art of Charm Toolbox

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Mission

Be a fun, active, competitive, attractive, expert, successful Lord Protector that captains my ship with endless energy, drive, and skill. Get laid like tile.

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Physique

Shit week on lifting and fitness, and trackable effort in general. A couple a days I didn't get done with other work until 2AM, and I couldn't bring myself to skip any more sleep.

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Dread

Even though I haven't been actively working dread, it happened and wasn't pretty. The combination of changes I've been making plus some comment about an acquaintance having a dead marriage sent her spinning. BPP says no dread during pregnancy. I'm not sure if it is that or her latent FA, but her hamster went off the rails. For a several days she minimized contact and even started apartment searches and shit. Previously I had her take the attachment test and it registered secure. After her dread hamster went nuts, she took it again and messaged me the screenshot… full FA. Finally, we talked and she sobbed a bunch, and it didn't feel like a shit test anymore, just anxiety. She specifically and overtly called me out on dread, without using the word, saying I should have known how my words and behavior would make her feel like I was looking to dump her for a new girlfriend. She was much more eager in bed, and I think it was the first time we ever had make up sex. For two days she thanked me for liking her, and was kind and attentive, and then she started on some mood swings and went back to some shrewing. There are daily overt comments about dread and anxiety based on my "changes". I am doing my best to avoid checking out and going Rambo. I put in some active listening time every day, but am getting better at telling her no when she is being unreasonable.

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Social

I haven't actually done much socializing yet because of time limitations, but I am studying up very slowly during my commute. I start a double load of classes for 6 weeks soon, so I think time will get worse before it gets better. Most of the PUA material that I've come across seems shitty and short-sighted. In contrast, I am completely enamored with the Art of Charm podcast (I've started with the toolbox), it is much more in line with "Models" in mindset, but loaded with practical information on interactions. Unlike PUA stuff, AoC is geared toward dominating social circles of men and women, not merely being an asshat to bag randos. That said, the PUA stuff is helping me think about and process banter better. In particular, stuff that is scenario based and goes through various potential dialogues with good and bad responses, and the rational for including various content is the most useful, since I have so little foundation for social dialogue. AoC seems to nail a lot of things that PUA content misses, especially when it comes to networking and leveraging various social circles. If it weren't for the annoying ads, I would say it is sidebar material. Social dominance is a critical aspect of good alpha, and my spidey sense feels like its ultimately 1000x more important than abs (even though I absolutely going to fucking have abs).

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Short Term Goals (Day 7 or 42-day challenge)

My short-term goals are to primarily amp up my Alpha qualities:

Fitness, Physique, Social Skill, Social Dominance, Masculine Energy, Assertiveness, Aggressive, Protective, Dominant, Competitive

#1 1RM- SQ305 DL355 OHP170 BP260 & lose 15 lbs (210lb.)

#2 Do 3 Pullups

#3 Add a social activity

#4 Be Aggressive, Assertive, Confrontational, Dominant, and Fun

#5 STFU, No DEERing, Zero butthurt

#6 Start going to BJJ classes

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Long Term Goals

200 lb. weight goal, 8% bf, Advanced-Level 1RM lift Targets for 200lb: SQ405 DL465 OHP205 BP310

Visible Abs

OYS #31

As I come up on my 1 year anniversary of unfucking myself, I can’t believe what’s happened to me. I look back and am ashamed and embarrassed of what I was, but so fucking happy with what I am. I have a long way to go but I’m on the path of strength and happiness.

Went on vacation last week with the wife, first time we’ve spent the night alone together in… 6 months? Did I mention it was her idea to go? She had a great idea to visit a big amusement park, so I took the time off work, planned everything myself and we went for a couple days. We had a fucking blast. Laughed, held hands, just enjoyed each other’s time. She followed my lead every step of the way and had fun because… I am fun. Sex was great too.

The 1000ft rope has tightened quite a lot. In the last 2-3 weeks I’ve been very happy to see great progress in my wife’s ACTIONS for herself: she got a therapist, got a psychiatrist, went to both of them, liked both of them, started using her planner again, the house is spotless, she started listening to parenting audiobooks, started tracking of eating 3 meals a day and fluid intake…. This woman I am married to is starting to turn into a badass. All because I’ve fucking lead her there. Seeing this makes me very happy. She even started working out at home some girly ab workout, so I offered to join her and we’re doing that together. I’m leading wherever I see an opportunity to do so now. She fucking loves it.

I think I figured out I have a small tits fetish. That’s cool, she has those, and likes it too. Cool discovery in the last few months.

Sexual frequency is now within my frame. I have settled on having sex about every other day. On the “off” days, we always have some playtime. I’m in control of the escalation of that as well. This has caused a power shift that she’s hamstering about. “You know exactly how to manipulate me!” is womanese for “You make me so horny and know exactly how to turn me on that I can’t stop wanting to be fucked and I have no control over it”.

Hardcore shit comes out of my mouth during sex now effortlessly. Never thought I’d be doing this. Some of my favorites from this week:

• “You just needed a good fucking, didn’t you?”
• “So, you ARE a little slut. MY little slut.”
• “I think you're going to need to a good fucking just like this every night from now on. Got it?”
• “Push that little ass up in the air. Good. Good girl. Look at that little ass.”
• “Good. Your pussy is so fucking wet just for me. That’s how I like it now.”
• “Why didn’t I know you just needed some dick?”
• “I’ve been sleeping next to a little slut for 7 years now and never knew it. Holy fuck girl. You’re mine now.”

Some sex talk this week, but I’m not really willing to talk about it – just act. Things she says she didn’t like after the fact she asks for next time or just initiates herself. The dissonance of her ASD is weird. Probably because she’s lost nearly all control of the sexual acts and frequency, which is fine with me.

I DNGAF if she initiates anymore. Occasionally I’ll get one, but she knows it’s my place to do the initiating now. Completely fine with me. Plus, we’re having sexual intimacy every single night so the initiations aren’t really necessary.

What I am currently training her on is having orgasms. For as long as I’ve known her, she has a lot of difficulty climaxing. It took a long time for her to relax/learn how from oral/stimulation years ago. Apparently, no man had ever given her one except me. That dynamic has created pressure for her to cum and so she rarely does. She enjoys sex A LOT and it isn’t dependent on the orgasm. I began changing her mindset on this through training. Last night it hit an all time peak – I commanded her NOT to cum. Grabbed a vibrator for the first time in a year and lightly used it. Commanded her NOT to cum tonight. Lots of fun later, I tell her she can cum now if she wants. She says too late and giggles. And cums again (x2). THIS SHIT IS SO MUCH FUN!!!!

I topped out the scales this week at my highest weight ever since lifting – 164. That’s 21lbs of muscle in 9 months. Heading in the right direction. I have some shoulder pain that made my arm hurt, and then my fingers go numb. Went to the doc Monday and it’s not a rotator cuff, so just some anti-inflammatory meds and I’ll be back to my PBs in no time. My abs are gone again from bulking. Wife made an unprompted comment she likes my flat stomach and prefers it over bulking belly. I knew that already, DNGAF, getting bigger then I’ll cut.

Started mentoring a 16-year old kid from the neighborhood. He asked to go lift with me. I’ll take him. He’ll be a pussy slayer for sure after summer if he keeps going to lift with me. Good kid. Maybe he’ll get a copy of Rationale Male at the end of the summer.

Made it to the 3rd interview of a new job for a 40-50% pay increase depending on negotiations. They’re flying out to meet me in early July so I’ll know more then. They have weekly calls scheduled with me touching base. They're courting me hard.

TLDR; Training a slut. Looking at another job. Wife will learn to cum on command soon. Taking a young man to lift for the summer. Getting bigger. Balls are adequately drained.

OYS #9

Fitness

36, 151.5lb, 5'7", 15ish % bodyfat (Navy method)

Wendler Training maxes: OHP 90, BP 135, SQ: 245, DL: 255

I'm cutting now. I'm pretty sure the water weight is all gone since I'm down almost 6 pounds in a week. Cutting is definitely easier when I'm not drinking. Last time I did a cut I really half-assed it and basically ate barely below maintenance for months. What a catastrophic waste of time. This time I'm shooting for ~2lb/week at least initially. I dropped a pound over the last 3 days, which seems on target. I might go to 1lb/week later if I feel like I'm getting weaker. I'm enough of a beginner with respect to lift numbers that I suspect I can hold most of my muscle while cutting.

I have been exhausted this week but I think most of that is poor sleep and not necessarily the cut. I'm hungry but don't feel like I'm starving myself. Something to keep an eye on anyway. My youngest is starting to sleep closer to 6 most days again so I might switch my lifting back to the morning. I find it really difficult to wind down for bed after lifting and that's definitely a factor in me not being rested.

I started my lifts off a day last week due to vacation but completed my 3x/week and got back on schedule yesterday. Most lifts are still improving fine, but I was definitely disappointed in squats. A week off really messes with me. I know logically that a week off doesn't actually make me weaker, but it sure as hell feels way heavier and the logical part of my brain doesn't seem to control my muscles.

I have an appointment with a better prosthetist on Thursday but something more urgent for one of my kids came up so I'm going to push that out a week. Disappointing but it seems like the right call. I still have more stuff to do here, too. This is just a free consult and I need to get an actual referral to get the process rolling.

Time Wasting

I expected it would be easy to come back and get in the swing here but I was wrong. I've wasted several commute hours and violated my no-screens-after-nine rule multiple times (contributing to being exhausted). I've got to get back on track here. I've indulged my read-bullshit-on-mrp impulse far too much. "Hey, let's just see if anything new got posted really quick before we start work." An hour later: "That really wasn't worth reading, and my whole commute was wasted. Hooray."

On the plus side I haven't wasted time at work like I had been, and aside from mrp I haven't been indulging in other social media. Still need to reclaim my time here.

Social

I realized I haven't done much of anything social since I got back. I need to get some stuff on the calendar.

I'm also thinking I need to find a recurring hobby, ideally one that introduces me to new people regularly. I tried BJJ, but the schedule is really hard to work out. The places around me have the beginner class at 6. If I do that, I don't see my kids at night. Doing that multiple times a week isn't appealing.

Career

I've caught up on some of the "busy" work but I'm still feeling swamped. There's a lot going on and I'm not really managing it well. I feel like if I catch up in one area I'm behind in 4 more. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just not well-suited to be a manager, but then I look at the other managers I know and they don't seem more competent. I don't believe this is just how it has to be. I believe that I can do better here and get more on top of things, but I don't yet have a concrete plan to achieve that. I've got a few tactical things I'm doing but that's not sufficient.

Leadership

Shit. I think my plan for the work on the house was a bad one. It added complexity to the project. We get an extra thing we want at the expense of more cost and especially time to upgrade some stuff that really doesn't need it. I'm doubtful now that it will work out well and leaning toward the simpler plan my wife has been pushing for. The curse of having a competent wife, I guess.

I struggle when I land in a spot like this. Do I push along my plan just to see it through (at least to a meaningful stopping point, like quotes in hand from multiple contractors) or do I cut investment in what now looks like the wrong plan? The former seems in a way to be coming from a place of ego protection, in that I'm investing more in the wrong path because it's mine. On the other hand, the latter seems like it might just be the lazy way out.

Beyond this I think I need to put some time into my MAP and decide what else I actually want to accomplish at home/with my family. I'm not interested in trying to wrestle leadership of random tasks from my wife for its own sake. I am interested in making sure the things I care about are happening, though. e.g. We're financially secure but probably not saving enough. I need to address this.

Drinking

Going back to infrequent drinking was surprisingly easy. One drink at a social event. Two drinks on a date night. That's all for the last week.

My wife has noticed and seems confused. I went from about 14 drinks a week at home to zero, and I've turned down offers for drinks at home multiple times now. She has asked me a few times recently about why I haven't been drinking. She commented yesterday that I haven't bought beer in a long time (not that long, honestly). She assumed I'd been having stomach problems (I have a history of occasional gastritis flareups that alcohol exacerbates), but I told her I just hadn't been interested in drinking much lately.

Wife Relationship

Going well. Gaming is up and she's playful back. We're fucking 1-2x/week and it's better than it used to be. In no way is this where I want it to be but the trajectory is right. I consider this a happy side effect of the more important areas I'm working on, and except for remembering to be fun (sometimes I'm an idiot and get into cranky moods; lately seeing it better and resetting) and playful, I'm not trying to do much here.

I haven't been pushing a ton at DEVI lately. I'm not sure she's attracted to me enough that this is useful yet. She's very resistant my (minor) boundary pushing and "manhandling" (her word), and my attempts at bringing more emotion with dirty talk don't seem to do anything for her. I'm still talking dirty because I want to, but it's not delivering anything for her near as I can tell. I think I need to keep working on other aspects of my attractiveness and this will be a more fruitful area later. But maybe I'm hamstering because trying is harder than not trying and I'm not getting my validation when it doesn't work. I don't know.

OYS #1

Stats:
35y, 188lb, 6'1''. Married to Wife 36 for 9, together 14. Kids 3,2

Current Working 5x5 sets in lbs: Bench 170, Overhead Press 105. Back Squat 155, Deadlift 235, Bent over Row 135.

Background:

My life should be happy. There is no reason for it to be this way.

Grew up in trouble free life. Older brother, Mom and Dad around, took care of me, helped me succeed, did everything they could for me. I had the perfect child hood in that my parents were always there for me, but never overbearing or super-protective. Worked early in my teenage years doing grunt work, retail, grocery, etc... Graduated valedictorian of high school, full scholarship to a private college, graduated summa cum laude, didn't do grad school, and went right to a full time job where I had interned during college. Been there ever since. Regular raises and promotions, made friends, well respected by peers. Common theme is that because no one pushed me to grad school... I didn't go or think twice about anything else. Never had the guts to even submit a resume elsewhere.

Met my wife in my college city, she had just moved there after her graduation and she was a few years older. She was from my home town, met through mutual friends that brought us together. Dated for a while, graduated, moved to an apartment, proposed, moved to suburbs, married. Basically sat back and waited for life to decide everything for me.

My life is a fraud because every thing I have ever done was me following others. Picture a well worn ski track and all you have to do is keep you head down, do your job, and you will be rewarded. That has been my life. Did what I was told, all my homework. Followed my brother in exactly the same sports. He was always better than me. I lived in his shadow not because he was better, but because he just tried more, had the initiative. Common theme. Worked where he worked during high school. When it came time to apply to college, I was petrified when trying to decide where to go. My best friend told me about the private college he applied to (I hardly knew about it, too scared to research), and I also decided to apply. Checked a box on my application that said "Yes, consider me for academic scholarships" and was given a full ride. Set a terrible precedent for me.

Had a GF in high school, we both went to college as virgins. She dumped me 2 months in, banged a tuba player in the marching band, and after semesters of me begging for her back, she finally took me back. What the fuck is wrong with me.

We eventually broke up, met my current wife a year later. She was a slutty attention whore in college, I was the quiet kid. All our mutual friends were amazed we started dating because it made no sense.

A few years into our marriage, things stagnated, and she made out with the same person at a party on two separate occasions. Should have burned everything down but was too fucking weak. I lost a shit ton of weight, 225 to 170 doing HIIT. I was still a bitch, didn't matter because I didn't change anything mentally. Did some counseling, didn't go anywhere.

5 years later, we're married in suburbs. Living in our second house, had just moved from our starter house to what is hopefully our forever house. Girl born first, then 2 years later boy is born. Everything planned and organized by wife. Her decision when to have kids, when to start trying, eager to fuck me during ovulation. Dried up after, I have no clue how to lead. Same. Old. Story.

The two moments that clicked this winter:

Thanksgiving: Over the summer my oven started to give me shit and if the oven ran for more than 2 hours, would stop working. Instead of buying a new oven, I worked around it, I spatchcocked the turkey and cooked it on my outdoor grill. Cooking was the one hobby I still held onto with the limited time I had as a Dad with 2 toddlers. And I know what I'm doing. And I fucked up this turkey. Victim puked on her that weekend. Upset about the shitty meal. And then the aftermath. Why don't you fuck me. Why don't you want my dick in your mouth. Yuck.

Football: My wife decided (notice a theme?) to cut cable. We had a shitty antenna and were still sorting out streaming services. Had friends over for a big NFL game. Streaming wasn't working because our router sucked. Same for antenna. I did nothing to help get any new hardware or solutions or services. My wife stepped up to save $, and I sat there on my ass. When all we could get was static, my friend told me "Normally your shit is better than this"

Struck a big cord with me. If someone wasn't there in my life to lead me, tell me what to do, how to take action, I was fucking worthless. Ended up here. Reading the Drunk Captain post cut right through me. Read NMMNG and the phrase about seeking emotional validation... "They settle for scraps and come back begging for more"... that was the absolute catalyst.

Snapped out of it and will never go back.

Fitness:

Wake up 515am 5x days to work out in my basement since December. Basic rack that can do squats, bench. Rubber floor for things like deadlift. Very consciously make sure to spread out major lifts. Stretches at night, roller mat, etc... Don't let up.

Hit my body weight in bench at 190 for two reps, couldn't believe it. Racked the weight, flipped out, and go back to work to finish my workout.

Hit a 5x5 235lb deadlift two days ago. Banged out 5 in a row. 3 months ago I could barely do 135. Squat and deadlift form has struggled, but took 1:1 with a CrossFit coach from my wife's gym, and am doing awesome. I am a tall skinny bitch, and refuse to be so any more. Pissed me off she was the one to suggest the 1:1. More enabling of my shitty non-action-taking that I should have done on my own.

Readings and My Take Aways:

NMMNG: My entire married life has been me under the table looking for scraps

WotSM: I have no initiative, purpose, and vision. My life reflects this. My wife is pushed into the leadership role she does not want.

How To Win Friends...: Put my ego aside and appeal to other's egos, and let that accomplish your goals for you

Starting Strength: Bar over midfoot above all else

Need to prioritize: RM, WISNIFG,

Career:

Engineer. Hit just under 200k last year. Now a manager. Took way to long to get here. Watched other ambitious co-workers get to this spot in 5 -6 years. Awesome and pathetic for me at the same time.

Wife makes \~100k and is doing great.

We have tons of savings in a managed account. Once I unfuck the rest of my life, I will take it out of that account and manage it myself. Not my priority now, but should be in 6 months.

Social:

Stopped going out once I had kids. Had a solid, not huge, but solid group of friends. Several of them moved away recently, and quickly realized I had not developed new friendships since college.

NMMNG has a chapter about the friends you keep and how it reflects on you. Two of my best friends got OUI's recently. One went to rehab, but I don't see him pulling through. The other is a divorced pussy-wrecker with no license.

Been hanging with an old friend from high school. Was always in my friend group as a friend of my friends. He was the first of us to get married, have kids, eventually sexless marriage, and first to divorce. Somehow we reconnected, and I mentioned to him me lifting, and he comes over every other week and he gives me tips. Lifting heavy in basement. He can throw up 225 x 8 bench, and still encourage me on my shitty 135 x 5 squats. My wife thinks he's gay, I tell her thats fine, he's paid more attention to my ass that she has in years. First time I've A&A'd successfully.

Relationship:

Wife is a Type A personality, does everything you would hope a wife and mom would do. Popular at work, at home, with friends... But she doesn't fuck me. Her fault right?

I spent about 5 years being angry, and about 5 minutes reading until I realized I'm the bitch. Need to change me, not her. 1,000 foot rope analogy sold me.

My wife is awesome. This isn't one-itis. I should have been a better person my entire marriage. We're complete opposites. When I unfuck myself, we might wake up one day and go our separate ways, which is fine. But not before. I've read too many posts about wanting to burn it down too quickly. I owe her my best years as my best self.

Conclusion:

WotSM hit it home for me. If I'm not going out and doing things on my own, for me, I'm not going to be happy. Not my wife's job to emotionally fulfill me. Fuck the last 35 years of my life. See you next week.

[deleted]

OYS 2

My consistency with this is terrible. Going to make a more conscious attempt to post.

Education: Finished another college class 17 days ahead of schedule this time. Using this with improved gpa to bolster application for new job. Finished How to Win Friends and Influence People and 48 Laws of Power. These books along with classes are feeding my psychology interest. I may explore this more for my future.

Gym: staying steady with lifts. Not gaining a lot in strength but maintaining weight @200 lbs. Goal of 215 seems far in distance but going to see a nutritionist for a plan. Size and tone are still great sitting at 6'3" about 9% bf. Learned how to build my neck further into my traps for getting rid of pencil neck, working well so far. Back into running, steady 8 min miles. Kind of want 7 min but can't over stress cardio and keep growing.

Home life: I have caught myself slipping a few times. Wife complained that i dont tell her anything anymore. I engaged the conversation, she seems to know that doing this close to bed time is an easy trap. I stayed cool through the whole thing but caught myself saying that I am improving myself for myself. I didn't explain much after that except that i told her i had been unhappy with our sex life for several years and that it is a need for me. I never expressed that to anyone before, that it is a need i have. Frequency hasn't improved yet but she is more receptive of kino and flirting now. Oddly enough, her friends and some random situations have improved dread. I was at the park with the kida, wife and her friend came over to watch them. Wife said "isn't that black shirt hot in this sun, just take it off" friend says " he may go home with more than just his kids that way". Wife was silent after that remark. Otherwise, I have noticed her asking my advice or approval for things she never would have before. Even simple things like getting groceries or even running to get something that we need. I am watching closely for this to spill into other areas.

Family: Kids are doing awesome in bjj. Older son promoted to next belt which we are all very proud of. Younger son will tomorrow. He is adventurous and often gets hurt as a result, so spends too much time off the mat. Daughter decides to start as well, she is loving it. Working with younger son on controlling his emotional outbursts and temper. If anyone has advice, i would love to hear it. He gets ramped up easily and gets very nasty as he goes. I tested him and told him to recognize the feeling of losing control and how to mitigate. Hope he shows some improvement.

Off to another day, thank you all.

I'm not angry anymore, I don't know what it is but I'm not angry twotsm has softened something within me. This is just the way it is.

This week I have continued to do things for me, a few social outings landed on the same week and combined with lifting I spent no evenings at home. This made me feel very guilty but I did it anyway I stayed true to what I wanted to do. I'm changing, I'm not doing this shit to get back at my wife anymore. I'm doing this because I want to. I enjoy myself, I have fun.

I did however arrange a fun action date and dinner with the wife for our anniversary on the day after. I enjoyed myself, the day after the wife was increasingly cold and had sad feelz. I just STFU and carried on. Eventually I noticed she was down and whilst she was discussing the gift and how great she is I thanked her for the second time and went for the hug and forehead kiss...

Her:"You don't treasure me!"

Me: why would I not treasure you? (Negative enquiry)

Her: you didn't get me anything for our anniversary

Me: I don't understand what do you mean?

Her: on our actual anniversary you just got me a card?

Me: yeah your right I did just get a card on the day didn't I?

Her: you could have got me a little something like flowers!

Me: yes your right I could have got you flowers on the day but I didn't. (Forehead kiss, embracing hug)

Her: you are quick to use my illness against me.

Me: I don't understand what you mean? I use your illness against you?

Her: you hold back on purchases and it feels like my fault.

Me: I don't understand, you think I blame you for being unwell?

Her: no but we can't live our lives not living because of fear.

Me: yeah, I agree. If you cannot work WE are fucked. We are not taking out loans right now because there is a huge risk we won't be able to pay it back. One of us has to be sensible. I know we need a new car but we can't afford it. We can drop to one car easily as we both work close. If it was just me and the kids I would just buy a cheap car to see me through and downsize the house. I am actively seeking a smaller property so that we can start living our lives again my priorities are different now. Living in a big house struggling to live life and be unable to do things I want isn't fun. I made a mistake and own that we brought a house we now cannot afford. Our circumstances have changed despite my new job and the wage increase it hasn't been enough. It was a bad decision but I'm still glad we tried there are plenty more houses out there. STFU hug.

Maybe I should have STFU maybe not but WISNIFG is helping. It is going in, the practice continues.

Shark week brings out the big guns, the stonewalling the bitchy attitude. The more I hold and don't rise to it the worse it gets. This has most likely been playing out for years but by me not reacting the emotion gets stronger. I'm holding strong and am scarce but when I'm present I am not withdrawn i am business as usual owning shit.

I'm listening to the way of the superior man, it's amazing. I have a question he talks a lot about opening a woman's heart and opening your own heart. I have been closed, not able to express emotion, filtering myself and witholding and STFU about the anger and my feelings. How do I start to release this and open up more? Is that what a superior man does? Is she simply cold and bitchy and it's a reflection of me?

The stay plan is the go plan. I'm scared but I'm facing it hopefully more like a man. Failing and learning.

[deleted]

OYS #1

READING

Started MMSLP. Have read SGM few years back but plan to re-read.

EXERCISE

Having been using my hectic schedule as an excuse not to lift for the last 2 months. Starting tomorrow we’re back at it.

DIET

Generally healthy diet. Big on food so wife or I cook 95% of the time. Skinny fat. Wife’s petite but hasn’t been back to gym since baby. Should probably eat more calories and drink more water instead of the silly amounts diet soda I have.

GETTING SHIT DONE

Serial procrastinator. Got TV and Internet sorted in new apartment.

RELATIONSHIP

Wife blew up at me a few times on her period. Can’t remember the details. Mostly STFU or A&A but I got sucked in a few times. There’s a lot of things we need to finish in our apartment so that is is ‘complete’ but my busyness (laziness) has put it off. She has every right to nag I should be leading and getting this shit finished. Currently that is her main complaint in our relationship and I can see her point.

Sidenote: Downloaded a period tracking app for wife to track when I can best try the super kinky shit.

SEX

I was pretty salty about this. We’re normally good for 2-3 times a week of relatively enthusiastic sex. Combo of wife on period, son going through a sleep regression being up all hours, having a cold and having a lot of school deadlines to hit meant we weren’t doing it. Thing is, I wasn’t initiating so why was I (internally) annoyed at this? I think it’s because I was keeping track for OYS.

Got head Sunday, wife wanted to ride me but I was at point of no return. Afterwards she asked “why didn’t you want to have sex with me?” looking at me doey eyed. Can’t remember what I said.

CHILD

Spent good time with son (11 months) and wife on Sunday for Father’s Day. Try to get up with him most mornings and put him down to bed most evenings.

SCHOOL/CS

Back at school doing a degree in CS after deciding that I didn’t want to do Sales forever. Last week was my final week of year 1. Overall I finished in the top decile of my class but this was largely due to natural ability (always been gifted with good memory and arithmetic) rather than hard work. Need to raise my work rate over the summer to meet my own standards. I will log this here weekly.

FINANCES

Despite making good money I’ve got a few debts outstanding that I’ve not dealt with. Credit rating as a result isn’t good. Will create a plan to sort it this week.

[deleted]

OYS WEEK 5

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Age: 30

Married, twin 2 year old boys

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Physical:

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 148lb

Workout: 531 BBB

1RM: Squat:265lb; Bench: 182.5lb; Deadlift: 228.5lb; Shoulder Press: 156.5lb

Deload week is over thank god. I don't know what it is about those weeks but I feel particularly shitty about myself during them. Didn't increase weight on squats this round. I'm not happy with my knee pain and I think I need to keep the weight the same while I work on taking care of it. I'm allowing myself to vape right now when I get together with my friend on Mondays. I don't intend to keep doing it forever, but for now it's something I just don't have the energy to try and kick so fuck it I guess.

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Reading:

Making steady progress though Models this week.

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Career:

Highlight of my week now. I genuinely enjoy work, it's going really well and it's an area of my life that gives me confidence now. I feel better about myself when I put in the work and get to interact with my clients.

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Relationship:

Marriage is going incredibly well this week. I had sex almost every single day which isn't my goal, but I think it's at least a solid metric to show that I am making progress. I am working on vulnerability while also not being needy (obviously reading models). It has been effective at helping me feel closer to her.

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Social:

This week I have basically relapsed with all of my self confidence and independence. I learned that people have been not wanting to invite me to stuff because last year I was a lot of "drama" which I guess could be accurate but I basically had a fucking mental breakdown, is there no room for failure here? Can I not have gone through something? I didn't exactly ask for it and I was trying my best. This is the issue, for some reason I give a shit about this situation. The hilarious part is I don't even like these people. For some reason though I care about what they think. I literally went and messaged my wife's friend who said they don't invite us to stuff because of me, and I asked if I could explain what I've gone through (like she gives a shit, she never responded). I am pretty embarrassed writing this. Overall, this was a giant failure.

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Mission:

Continue to increase my self worth and independence. I fucked this up so hard this week it's not even funny. I don't understand why this is so difficult. I feel so weak and pathetic. Fucking sucks.

Life Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge.

Health has been an issue. Between my back, and a head cold, I've been pretty miserable. I'm still leading my family and business, but it hasn't been as much fun this week feeling like shit. I'm eating healthy and getting in the best workouts I can.

Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 235 BF: 14%

Back is still jacked up. I haven't been to BJJ is 2.5 weeks, which is the longest I've been away from it in 10 years. I've been busy, but I will go to class this week and just watch. Maybe I can teach a little until I'm back physically.

I went to yoga twice. This felt good on the back. Sat in hot tub and sauna and stretched a lot. Swelling is down and I'm probably at 80%, but I'm worried a sudden move could put me back at square one, so I'm taking it very slowly.

It really became clear to me how much I have taken my health for granted the past couple years. I'm 42, as much as I don't want to admit it, I should be doing dumb shit like I did when I got hurt. In BJJ, I need to tap a little quicker going forward. I've avoided a lot of injuries to this point, but there were definitely times a partner let me out of something when I didn't tap and could have jacked me up real good.

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My mental health is closely tied to hard workouts. I know there are other things I can do. I need to find some and do them, because I feel myself going toward a pitty party if I don't get healthy soon.

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Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Goals:

• Keep on top of budget

Family budget is good. I'm late in reconciling May. Its on my list to do today.

I made a decision to hire 3 more people ASAP. I've run projections, and I an pretty confident we will make ends meet and the upside of the work they will do is big.

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Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

• Be calm
• Model happiness

Had a good Fathers day. I bought myself a power washer and got a bunch of stuff done around the house. My little one loved helping me power wash the driveway.

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Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

• Be an oak

I lost frame for about 20 minutes on Sunday. My daughter had a ballet recital. I sat in a hard seat for 3 hours watching ballet. Normally, not a big deal, I love showing up for my kid. But between my back and head cold it was extra miserable.

After the show, I wanted to get out of there. My wife wanted to yap with other moms. I got kids rounded up, told her we were leaving and headed to the car. Wife got all pissy about how rude I am that I didn't want to talk with people. I snapped a bit. I should have just STFU and drove home. I got home, took a walk, iced back and STFU. End of day got back on track and all was good. But I shouldn't have lost it the way I did.

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Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

Goal:

• Initiate when I feel like it be OI

Wife made various excuses to avoid sex with me. She seeks attention all day. She scheduled a sitter and planned a date for us. Went out of her way to come by my office with lunch. But when there was opportunity for intimacy, her stomach hurt, she was tired etc. I had 0 butt hurt and did my thing and kept busy. I'm just not attractive enough yet. Always more work to do.

OYS #9 (Discovered MRP 3/11/19)

Stats: 34yo, 5'9", 184 lbs., BF 19% (Navy)

SQ: 195 5x5

BP: 125 5x5

BR: 135 5x5

OHP: 105 5x3

DL: 225 1x5

Chin-ups: 5RM

Mission

Be the best captain I can be. Lead myself and my family to a life of fulfillment and abundance. Exercise righteous dominion. Refuse to apologize for acting in my own self-interest.

Study

Finished MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG, Rational Male Year One Highlights, 16 Commandments, all posts on MormonRedPill subreddit, popular posts on MRP, BPP's YouTube videos, WISNIFG, TRP Sidebar. 1/3 Pook. 1/3 Bang. 1/3 SGM.

Still working on Way of the Superior Man: "Stop Hoping For Your Woman to Get Easier" "Women Are Not Liars" "Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her"

Dealing with women is absolutely counter-intuitive. Even when you advance from trying to fix them to just ignoring their crazy, it's still the wrong thing to do.

Physical

SL5x5 only twice this week due to illness. DOMS has been back for a couple weeks, with a vengeance. Despite feeling weak, I was able to complete all my squats. Struggled with OHP, and I could just barely get my DL weight off the ground, despite last week being easy at 225. The gym is not as fun as it used to be, but I remain committed.

Aiming for 1610 calories (1860 on gym days) and 120g protein/day. I switched to Cronometer, but I'm not sure I like it more than MFP.

I did some more reading this week, and a lot of experts say not to worry about bulking/cutting/recomping during the first six months of lifting. I'm less concerned about that now. Despite this, I finally saw a couple pounds of weight loss after three months of struggling. I'm not going to read too much into it--just going to continue on as if it's a fluke. I believe I was underestimating my body fat %.

Surgery is scheduled for next week. I will be out of the gym for at least a week, but hope to continue with upper body shortly after that.

Career

No changes.

Financial

No changes.

Personal/Leadership:

Reading WOTSM has caused me to reflect more on myself and my mission. I've always known that I lacked ambition in many areas, especially outside of a structured program (school or work). I work a lot better when I have specific responsibilities or tasks to perform. Creating something from scratch or envisioning something new are undeveloped talents of mine. And leading those tasks becomes mentally and socially exhausting. These weaknesses have absolutely contributed to my Beta and Omega behavior and lifestyle at home and at play, e.g., when I'm out and on vacation.

This means I'm boring and unattractive, and everyone here knows Rule #1. Adding in my introversion, it also makes me look lazy, which is also unattractive.

Things have improved slightly in this area with me filling up time with the gym, Dread 3, taking out the kids, and planning out new, fun dates. I've done numerous projects around the house over the last couple months. I'm brainstorming more tasks, but I'm mostly doing all these projects to not look lazy, instead of doing it for the satisfaction of accomplishment or to keep the house in better shape, or for myself, just because I want to do it.

Maybe I can fake it until I make it, but I haven't felt anything change within me, other than the fact that it's just a little easier for me to get stuff done now.

30+ years of being a Beta is f-ing hard to fix.

Family

I saw some improved resilience in their wrestling together--they can go a lot longer without giving up, and sometimes they even finish without one of them crying. JBP would be proud.

Due to illness, I didn't get to take them out this week. I did take care of them by myself most of Sunday while my wife was at a gig.

Marriage

I knew the Tests were coming. I still wasn't prepared enough.

She's dumped some of her previous responsibilities on me and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. I can accomplish the tasks easily enough--it's the frame I'm trying to salvage. I feel like as long as she's not doing it, I'm in her frame. Any response I come up with seems petty, but then I used to think the same thing about many of the methods to deal with Fitness Tests. I know I'm overthinking it.

We had a good date this weekend after our original night got cancelled when the babysitter backed out. I found a new sitter for Saturday and surprised her. Just told her I had set it up and we were going out. Date went really well. I managed to overcome some resistance and kino up to sex afterward. A little better than starfish. Can't apply much DEVI when your partner is sexually repressed and hardly even aroused. Catch-22.

Goals for the next month

Keep up the reading.

Get back into SL5X5 3/week and chin-ups. 1610 calories and 120g protein a day. Study up on what upper body exercises I can start early after surgery.

Stay on budget. Pay an extra $2K toward student loans every month.

Have fun with everyone. Find satisfaction in what I accomplish.

Take my children out of the house once a week.

Be the father figure. Continue to STFU while recognizing Tests. Fog, NA, NI. Don't DEER. Game and initiate. Respond to rejection with OI and get out. Reward good sex when it comes.

[deleted]

OYS #1

I just got here. This is my first post. I discovered this sub on Friday, June 14th. I've lurked on some TRP groups in the past, but MRP has been the first formal education I've gotten. It's so far been the kick in the ass I needed. r/DeadBedrooms was not actually helping me.

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Diet

Past Friday, had pasta for lunch and pasta for dinner. I crashed hard. Got mopey, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself. It was a low point, and I knew it was time to change. That's when I discovered this sub. Learned the basics and started putting what I could to work.

I've stuck to lean protein, veggies, fruit, and water (no more soda, but still drinking coffee). Doing that alone has changed my state of mind immensely. I feel like a completely different person. My energy levels are completely better (even w/ an 8mo daughter who doesn't sleep through the night). I've had the habit of binging on ice cream to make me feel better (yeah, total beta-cuck behavior). I went out and got myself the bourbon I like (I didn't ask for permission to go, I told my wife, "I'm going."). My wife gives me some shit for it, "Oh, you just wanna be like the guys on Suits/Mad Men," but honestly it's the dessert I'd rather have to cap off the evening.

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Frame

I'm still learning all the terminology, so it's possible this is the entirely wrong header for these comments.

Stopped apologizing. I slipped a couple "I'm sorry"'s out over the weekend, but overall have stopped apologizing to try to make my wife (or anybody else) feel better.

Speaking more directly. This has included telling my wife, instead of asking, what's for dinner (unless she has already put in a bunch of work, I'm not trying to be a complete asshole). In every case, she has happily followed my lead, preparing the meal that I've decided we're eating. I will pick up ingredients if it makes sense, but I'm in the driver's seat.

Had a family gathering with her side where I got some practice in DNGAF. Normally, I try to play to her siblings to get laughs and be entertaining. I see now that underneath that behavior, I'm trying to actually get validation and respect (because, I think, I'm not right now getting it via sex w/ my wife). Instead, I kept to myself. Practiced some STFU when people were petty or immature. When it came to my wife, I did not suggest what we should do with the kids or when we should pack up to go, I told her, and she complied.

This stuff is working. How do I know? Cuz I kept catching my sister-in-law staring at me. The same stares my wife gave me before we started dating. The SIL is sadly married to an immature beta (they attend a Christian college with a 'ring-by-spring' culture). Her husband desperately needs to jump into this sub, if only to learn how to STFU.

At home, had a shower with my wife. At the end of our routine, we do this little cuddle thing before we dry off. I've noticed that in the past while, that time has felt scripted and forced. The other night, though, she threw herself at me. Instead of a peck, she gave me a properly passionate kiss and threw her body into me. She hasn't done that in two years!

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Business

Due to my own irresponsibility over the last few months, I'm under intense scrutiny at work. For the next 30 Days, it's "Put up or shut up." I'm the director for my team, which means my role is primarily relational management with clients and business partners.

Already, employing the above attitudes at work, it feels much more natural to tackle each challenge at a time. It's hard to explain. In framing up, it's like I can tap into some energy in my core. It's like I can intentionally drum up that feeling one has in high-school football, taking the field for the first play. Before every meeting and every difficult conversation, I have taken just a moment to drum up that feeling, and then I can walk in and take charge of the situation. So far, it has gone fantastically.

There are a few young ladies at work who've suddenly noticed I'm here this week. They (and my wife) will talk stupid and discombobulated when I'm in that frame. MMSLP talks about this, that becoming more attractive to your wife you become more attractive to all women.

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Study

Currently reading Married Man Sex Life Primer, and it's blowing my mind. Everything is falling into place. Everything. I aim to have finished before my next OYS update.

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Fitness

I made a mistake. I told my wife I was going to get a gym membership, and I asked if she wanted one, too.

She freaked a little. I think she was shit testing?

We have two kids, we're closing on a house and moving, and I'm under that scrutiny at work. She wants to reason with me that there's no room for a gym membership. Then, last night, I said two things when I should have STFU'd:

"Unless you're going to start having monkey sex with me every night, I'm going to get this membership to deal with all the stress." -That's not even true. Did I just fail a shit test?

"Truth be told, I'm doing this because I want to have sex with you." -I think this qualifies as stepping on my own dick. Oofda. Stupid. This was after I'd finished my bourbon on the rocks, as mentioned above.

I've secured a 7-day trial to an Anytime fitness. If it goes well, I'll get a full membership through my health insurance. My wife tries to say it's about the money and the time. Going to practice more DNGAF and hit the gym.

Went for a run on Sunday. I didn't ask, "Hey, do you mind if I go for a run." I said, "Alright, you finish this up, and I'm going for a run." She didn't even try to stop me. That was before the gym discussion.

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Getting Ahead of Myself

All in all, I think it's too early to say, "I've been RP'd." There's so much here. There's so much to being a man that I'm just now, at 28 yo, learning for the first time. I'm reading some of these other OYS posts and seeing the crazy success at work, gains in the gym, and sex with the wife. I'm not there yet. Not even close. I have a lot to learn.

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Still gotta remind myself not to talk about fight club.

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Update: Created a new acct for MRP. Easier to get personal w/out being personal. My other username was too recognizable across the web.

OYS - 04

This OYS covers two weeks, because I wasn't enough on top of my shit last week to post one.

Stats

• 34 years old.
• 6'2", 185lbs, a little less fat and unconditioned.
• LTR 4 years, 1 kid < 1 year old.

Focus

These lasts two weeks I focussed on three things:

1. Not DEERing.
2. Controlling my emotions.
3. Finding out what I do because I want to, vs. all the other bad reasons for which betas do stuff.

Financial Life

A mixed bag.

Main J.O.B.: First week was stressful, because I had a project deadline. Barely made it, and had a hard time getting things done. Second week was better, because I got to do some much needed clean up work. Administrative stuff, paperwork, archiving old project files, updating software and the related licenses, etc.

Also had my yearly performance review with the company I contract for. Great feedback on performance (i.e. ability to generate profit), but average feedback on my "behaviour". One event that was particularly criticised was when I gave a co-worker a public dressing-down. He wasn't doing his job, and it endangered a very important project I was running.

Unfortunately I used a single, very mild expletive, which garnered an HR complaint. Funnily enough not even by the person I chewed out. He actually wasn't that phased by it, because he knew he messed up. But now all the focus is on this single "problematic" (I shit you not) incident.

The thing was over an hour long, and I kept it together for a long time. But then I broke, and DEER'ed hard.

Side hustle: Progress, but not enough. The performance review has shown me the need to be on an accelerated schedule for building up a second income stream.

This is actually good, because it puts positive pressure on me. I already had a long term contract with a different company cancelled before because of an HR complaint, and it was a serious financial hit for my company. I can not be in this situation again.

Lessons learned:

• Do not be a butthurt beta bitch. Especially in situations like a performance review, in which the dice is cast.
• Control my emotions, and don't be an autistic Rambo. In a politically correct environment, at least give the appearance of being politically correct as well.
• Do not look for validation from employers or co-workers.
• Not being depend on the J.O.B. for basic expenses would help with not being so fearful of losing it.

Goals

Get to finish a first section of the course for peer feedback by 30/06.

Woman Life

A rollercoaster.

The other week, I playfully initiated, but she shut me down, because she was tired. It wasn't a hard no, more "I feel too tired today, let's see for tomorrow." To my surprise, the day afterwards she came to bed all made up and proceeded to give me a really nice BJ. Up until now, she did not want me to come in her mouth, but this time she asked me to. It was clear that she did not enjoy it though, but made her best to hide it.

Other than that, lots of nagging. Especially about her being "stuck" at home with the baby "all the time". Plus we are entering that time of the year where all of her single friends and future cat ladies go search the world for exciting foreign dick. That results in lots of pictures and posturing on social media, so naturally she has fear of missing out.

It's annoying because we might have a really nice day, and we're getting ready to wind down, and go to bed. Then she takes out her smartphone, browses social media, and the complaining begins.

One particular evening, she was all tired, pissed, and distant, with her eyes glued to her phone browsing all of her many social media profiles. I kept on being upbeat, doing stuff I needed to get done, basically trying to ignore her, but she became really really nasty.

I was about to snap, but luckily could catch myself before. Instead I immediately cut off all attention, essentially treating her like a random stranger. We went to bed without talking much, and I felt absolutely destroyed. Every single fiber of my body desperately wanted to make up with her. I hardly slept that night, but made it through, and we made up the next day.

It felt like a success to not bow to my beta desires of trying to make her happy. I know I don't deserve the achievement of the year award for it, but was a big positive event for me. Reading NMMNG definitely has helped here.

Goals

Finish reading NMMNG.

Family Life

I need to keep planning interesting things to do as a family, without this becoming an amusement program to keep the lady happy.

Luckily the weather has been getting better, which makes things a lot easier. I already got some ideas lined for things to do.

Goals

Organise a family outing for this weekend.

Physical Life

Solid progress on the lifting, although I had to shift sessions around to make up for missed days. Luckily my split can accommodate this. Built up good momentum, so will push the weights harder as we are past the mid point of the cycle.

Good progress on the cardio. Did a moderate distance hike this week, which was very enjoyable.

I had a low point early during the first week in which I could not get out of bed. I was just knackered, and slept until the late afternoon. The grown up thing would have been to take the day off from work. But as I still get caught in conflict avoiding beta bitch mode, I just went out and bought a bunch of Red Bulls to be able to make up for the lost time at work, and still make all the deadlines that got imposed on me.

Ordered a couple of new clothes to improve my ward robe for the summer months. While I'm not where I want to be as far as my physique, it's still way better than most men's, so my clothes should showcase this. I still got a lot of old T-shirts and clothes around that do fit okay, but that are no longer good looking, or fitting my style. I have the money to spend on looking good, so I should not live up to my frugal upbringing of not replacing things unless they are broken.

Goals

• Nap if I need to, and cut back on the caffeine.
• Push progress hard on the lifting.
• Keep the conditioning momentum, integrating fresh air sessions if possible.

Recreational Life

Got some time in to read and let go. Have gotten into a habit of reading in the fresh air, which clears my head. It's also something away from the lady and the kid, so it's my quiet time that I value a lot.

Goals

• Get fresh air daily.
• Take at least 15 minutes a day to relax.

[deleted]

OYS #20

Previous OYS | First OYS

Overview

Me: 33, 5'8", 214.2 lb, 29.7% BF. Wife: 34. Kids: 4M, 2F, 3rd due August. Married 7 years, together 11.

Lifts (SL5x5): SQ 235 BP 145 ROW 140 OHP 95 DL 255.

Readings: NMMNG (x2), WINSIFG (x2), The Game, Pook, TRM, TRP Sidebar, MAP (x2), The Mystery Method, Bang, Day Bang, MMSLP, TWOTSM, SGM, 48 Laws of Power.

Body

Lifting

I lifted three times this week. I had my third consecutive failure on both squat and barbell row last night so I will be doing my first deload of both. I'm still progressing linearly on bench press and deadlift, let's see how long we can keep that going!

I haven't corrected my form yet, and this is something I desperately need to do this week. My squat is definitely incorrect, I'm getting lower back strain (probably from rounding my back from what I've read). My other lifts are almost certainly wrong too.

Diet

Keto is still going very well. My weight spiked up for a few days and then dropped back down and the loss is continuing nicely, with 2.8 lbs lost this past week. I expect this will slow down as I finish becoming fat-adapted, but I would be delighted if it stays >1 lb/week.

My wife has continued to be very supportive, cooking mostly keto meals for us and picking up keto-friendly snacks and desserts. She's stopped fighting me on my gym time as well. I suspect I might have reached an inflection point where she realized I'm not stopping for anyone and she might as well get on board and enjoy the better me.

Mind

Reading

I finished reading MAP for the second time and wrote up the areas I need to be working on from each of the areas:

• Physicality and Health: Yellow
  • Figure out your medication: Get off my SSRI
• Money and Materials: Yellow
  • Use it or lose it: Sort through junk still boxed from moving
  • Get control of your time: Find ways to save time
• Displaying High Value: Red
  • Stop displaying low value: Kill my inner beta
• Relationship Comfort: Red
  • Stop being lazy: Stop being lazy
• Personality and Preferences: Yellow
  • Decide what you want: Figure out what I want out of life
• High Energy Sex: Yellow
  • Discover the 30% that works: Push sexual boundaries and explore our fantasies

I have made these into goals and moved them into the "Goals" section below to keep myself accountable.

I'm currently reading MMSLP for the second time and once that is done I will have completed my second pass through the parts of the sidebar I found most helpful and will be picking up with some new stuff: The Red Queen and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I haven't decided the order yet. I'd love to hear any suggestions for further reading as well.

Frame

Lifting consistently has a fantastic effect on my attitude. I just feel so much more confident in charge of shit. I am ready to take on whatever comes my way this week. Whatever life throws at me, I know I can handle it.

Relationships

Wife

I think I dialed the C&F up a little too high because she started complaining that I "never take anything seriously" and such. Gaming your wife doesn't mean that everything that comes out of your mouth should be a smart-ass remark or sexual innuendo. She also pointed out that I work my lifting into unrelated conversations (e.g. "good thing I've been lifting!" when I go to move heavy shit). Looks like I am still unconsciously seeking a pat on the head from mommy. I need to kill that shit.

My wife is sliding into a supportive role very nicely. She's not fighting me on the gym any more and is actively helping me with keto. Having her on board just makes things so much easier. Plus she's actually very pleasant to be around now that she's not being a total bitch all the time.

Children

My 4 year old is still in diapers and is completely uninterested in potty training. He knows how to use the toilet, he just has no interest. My 2 year old is pretty much ready to potty train so I am going to do both of them at once this weekend. Wish me luck...

Friends

Nothing to report here. I'm holding off on dread level 3 until after the baby is born.

Career / Finances

The past month or two I've noticed our spending has been pulling up closer to my take home pay than I prefer. I will be tracking our expenses more closely.

Goals

• Write my MAP
• Correct lifting form
• Get off my SSRI
• Sort through junk still boxed from moving
• Find ways to save time
• Kill my inner beta
• Stop being lazy
• Figure out what I want out of life
• Push sexual boundaries and explore our fantasies

OYS #17

SITUATION: Me-- 40, 5’10”, 164 lbs., \~18% bodyfat. Lifts are weak—Bench 130, OHP 100, Squat 140, DL 225. Wife--40, married 20+ years; we have both been each other’s only sexual partner (that I know of). Two kids, one 2 years old and one early elementary school aged.

MISSION: Regain and maintain my passion for living an awesome life; be emotionally self-sufficient (rely only on myself for validation, support, and judgment).

READING: Currently working through the 48 Laws of Power; somehow missed it my first time through. Otherwise, I’ve read through all of the sidebar books and other recommended RP readings (I think).

PHYSICAL: Gaining an average of just about 0.6 pounds per week on the first three weeks of my bulk, and my lifts are going up each week, so things seem to be dialed in pretty well for my current nutrition plan. I’m on a deload week this week (keep the intensity but lower the volume, each day is just doing one session of 3 x 5 of a core lift at slightly less weight than the previous cycle), and then starting a new cycle of my program next week. I’ve been really pushing myself and being aggressive with trying to add weight to the bar and really focusing on trying to increase my lift numbers. So far so good, and hopefully I will see some real progress here.

I’m also trying to get more/better sleep. Easier to do this on this deload week, since I’m only spending 25 minutes or so in the gym each day, but will get more difficult when I’m back to full hour-plus workouts next week. Sex is only ever on offer for me late at night, right after we turn in for the night (my schedule, kids’ schedules, and my wife’s preferences basically preclude it any other time) and we have spent some time talking and cuddling, and I wake up very early in the morning to go lift (it’s literally the only time I can go and meet my work schedule’s demands) so most days it feels like I have to choose between decent sleep or a chance at sex. This has been a problem for me for a while and I know that my sleep is lacking, so I need to find some way to navigate this issue, but no great solutions have become apparent yet.

FAMILY: Doing awesome here. The kids love me and always want to spend time with me; I’m being a good father and role model and teaching them things every chance I get while still having fun.

MENTAL: I wonder if all I am here is a “Dancing Monkey.” I understand the MRP ideas and I’m doing what I can to implement them, but much of it doesn’t feel “natural” to me; it still feels like I’m acting. I’ve read all the books and I see much of what’s talked about here, and I know that it has changed my actions and my attitudes (about pretty much everything), but I still have not internalized it all because it’s not just “happening”; I still need to think about it and intentionally do the “RP Thing” in a given situation most of the time.

I FEEL like I have a decent Frame but I have trouble putting it into action, and I don’t have any barometer or metric to know whether the Frame I think I have is actually real, or how strong it is. And I feel like my wife is in my frame on just about everything except sex, but looking back this is how it’s been for at least most of our relationship. She defers to my leadership on most things, but sex is and has always been totally according to her schedule, her preferences, and her limitations. And so far, I’m not sure that anything I have done has had any effect on that aspect of things, as our sexual relationship is currently as unsatisfactory (for me) as it has ever been.

One problem I have had with implementing the Dread Levels has been the fact that I don’t think my wife shit tests me. As I said, she generally defers to me and allows (or expects) me to take final responsibility for almost everything in our lives, and she rarely questions my decisionmaking or my leadership (again, except with sex). When she does test me, it’s generally in the form of comfort tests and not shit tests—she plays the crying/crazy girl card and it becomes about how bad SHE feels instead of an overt attack on me or my actions. I’m still trying to figure out what this means—is my wife just that different from other women and genuinely does not shit test as a means of communication, or does she think I’m so pitiful she isn’t interested in testing me in this way (even though she happily defers to my leadership on almost everything), or am I just super autistic and she IS shit testing me but I’m still to stupid and oblivious to see when it’s happening? So in one way, I’m basically at DL4, but in another I’ve never gotten past DL1.

Taking stock: looking at the 60 DoD topics checklist and where I think I stand on each item: 1. Lifting—still sucks but dedicated and on new promising path; I’m still weak and skinny fat but I’m vastly improved in both strength and physique from where I was one year ago. 2. Nutrition—calories and macros are dialed in for what I want to do, and I feel like I have good control over both cutting and bulking according to my current goals. 3. Hygiene—I’ve always been strong in this category, always smell good and stay clean; shaved my head last year to improve balding look, always well-groomed and shaven where I want to be; cologne game always on point. 4. Style—another fairly strong point for me, and I shop regularly in order to continue to stay fresh and improve. 5. Game—I still fucking SUCK at this; I’ve never been a “flirt” and got married at 19 so never really played the dating market; I’ve read tons of flirting/game/pickup books and I’m getting a little better at flirting and being playful with my wife (with varying levels of success), but this is definitely an area where I’m still putting on an act and not being genuine or natural about it. 6. Finances—Decent; could be better, could be worse; family has everything they need and most of what they want that has merit; currently taking steps to hopefully improve career situation when right opportunities come along; I control all finances in my family and wife is reasonably disciplined with her own spending so this is not a stress or point of contention in my relationship. 7. Career—See above. 8. Social Life—I’ve really improved on this in the past year. Have some additional friends and some fun regular activities that occupy a weeknight or two each week.

So there’s always improvement to do in any area, but game/escalation/flirting definitely seems to be my weakest area (along with lifting, though I at least know what I’m doing and where I’m going to fix that one). I have been trying to be more friendly and flirtatious with random women I encounter during my commute and workday (nothing serious, just trying to interact), and have done okay at this, but I’m still not getting any Indicators of Interest at all (not that I expect any; I’m still a weak faggot with no game). I need to focus on improving this area, both with my wife and with other women.

CAREER: Finished some big projects lately and have a huge deal coming up in July that I’m preparing for. Still taking steps toward new opportunities but no big chances or changes yet.

RELATIONSHIP: My wife started some anti-depression medication last week, and so far it seems to have improved her overall demeanor and ability to get things done without any noticeable side effects. We’ve had sex twice in June (both at her initiation); the first was pretty good but the second devolved into starfish in her usual position after we started. While I’m still holding off from initiating, I’m thinking of trying to incorporate a “sensate focus” program to keep us touching each other and hopefully get her more comfortable with her body and being touched intimately. It’s becoming easier and easier for me to imagine a life without her; though that’s still not what I would prefer, I know that it could definitely work (though I would really miss seeing the kids every day). It would be a shame, though, because I really do enjoy my wife’s company; we get along very well and complement each other both in getting shit done as a team and in having fun hanging out together.

OYS #2 - 18/06

OYS #2 (discovered MRP in Early June 2019).

37, wife 33, married 4 years, together 9 years, 1 kid (2yo), another one on the way (1st month of pregnancy).

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Readings

Currently reading 31 days to Masculinity by Hunter Drew. On day 13. Failed twice at masturbation (I could do better but I come from masturbating once a day, sometimes more, with porn - have not touched porn and spaced my releases).

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Physical / health

When I started this journey on the 23rd of May, these were the stats:

83kg - waist 89cm - Navy BF: 20%

This morning I weighted 80.5kg, waist 83cm, Navy BF 15%.

I lost around 4kg of fat and put on a round a kg of muscle.

She touched my pecs yesterday for the first time in many months and glanced at me a few times when my top was off.

I rejoined my gym last Friday. I went twice already (I was on a stag week-end so could not do more). I have not told my wife about rejoining the GYM. Should I? Does it matter? Maybe I tell her at some point this week.

So I am now lifting as well. In the past, I would fluke and not do the whole plan. This time, I found the motivation to get to the end of the rep set each time - I am thinking of Chad fucking her ass and coming in her mouth. That helped me finish the assigned exercises.

I am feeling good - I am eating less crap and I am not feeling particularly hungry.

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Tests

What I noticed is that she wanted a Mac Flurry from Fatdonald yesterday after the hike we did. I shared a tiny bit with her so she would not feel guilty. Is this a test? I acted disinterested. Maybe I should have said a clear no. We then went food shopping and bought lots of healthy stuff.

She was unhappy at me for a couple of things on Sunday. First one, I answered to justify myself which was not good. Second time, I STFU and she went to her business. It is tough to STFU but this is a great exercise. I am now a lot more aware of it.

We are progressively eating healthier. I want her to do a meal plan for the week for the family. She wants both of us to do it and resists it. I need to find a way to encourage her that way and precent her from dumping more tasks on me.

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Relationship

She is pregnant. It was not a burst of joy when it was confirmed because of my beta behaviour sinking a bit the relationship over the past month. However, we are over the dip now and feeling so much better about it.

I am leading more and more. I try to encourage her as well as she wants to follow suit. For instance, she always wanted to do some charity work and now she applied for some volunteering. She is a pro-breast feeding person and talked in the past about cards you give to moms breastfeeding in public that say well done for doing so. I made her order these cards last night.

I am also playing with her with whatsapp: not replying immediately or sending rafts of messages. Some of the exchange is still cagey, this is new behaviour for me. I keep trying.

This RP is tricky because I cannot tell her what I am doing. Before I would be over her “mommy look what I am doing”. Deep down, I feel better knowing that the relationship will be better in the future from that effort. It helps with shit tests and moods. I am feeling stronger mentally.

I had anxiety attacks in the past month and nothing for a week now. I now fall asleep with her at my side at 10pm.

I wrote a letter to her about 3 months ago about the lack of sex. I never gave it to her. I re-read it last weekend. This was a concentrate of blue pill and beta behaviours. Nearly every fucking paragraph. I am keeping this letter and will read it maybe once a month to remember how a weakling I have been.

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Sex

Once.

She said “OK let’s have sex quickly” . I did not care (I used to in the past). We started with the usual spoon where she does not allow me to finger her or touch her first - she gets me hard with her hand and introduces me in her. Still some way to go. This is where I should be more dominant - what would you guys do? I won’t force myself.

Then as a change, I did a position we never did and which was tiring for me. She complied and noticed it was strenuous, complimenting me. I am glad I was dominant to do the position I wanted without asking her opinion. I was vocal during the act, saying what I wanted.

I came in her. She said afterwards that she wanted me to come outside. I STFU. Partly I see her reasoning - it is true that it is a mess but I want to come where I want and where I want is her holes. She will probably shit tests me a lot on that in coming weeks/months. I need to keep the line and fill her with my semen regularly. How do you guys defuse this one?

What I find tricky is to escalate her in the day so she feels sexual at night. Or to sext. I am not sexting per se but I am now sending flirty texts. She usually does not reply to them.

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Career / finances

Qualified for a last round for a good job. Waiting to hear if I qualify for the last round of a dream job.

Finances are fine, we are frugal people and our saving rate is currently 30%. We could live on her salary with what I make with my investments.

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Mindset

This RP stuff is consummating me inside out. I am thinking about it all the time and am more aware of it.

For instance, during the stag party, the boys said how their wives did not like muscular men. I know my wife liked when I had a toned body.

It is a fabulous opportunity to right my life and get it under my control.

I am starting to like myself more when I look in the mirror, I am getting more positive, I understand the lessons.

I remember our early days. What made me special for her was that other women circled me, that I was v social, that I initiated lots of days out. There was new stuff regularly. Sex was hectic as well.

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Action points

Achieved last week:

• Sex with the wife, with some dominance.
• Planned a day out.
• Wife pregnant
• Joined the gym to lift - the owner is great, does personalised trainings and nutrition plans and trains with me regularly.
• Went on a boys trip which was a great time
• Encouraged her to do stuff she always wanted to do.
• Qualified for a last round for a great job (I am unemployed currently).

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New to do this week:

• Holidays on Friday. Lead activities there, take the little one with me alone regularly.
• Date night with her tomorrow night - I need to arrange the dinner (romantic picnic near a river). We then go to a stand up comedy show. The little one stays with her grandmother at ours so no stress with this part. I am planning on having a great night.
• Enrol in the language course I have talked about - this will help me become trilingual and reinforced in her eyes that I am going places.
• Set more nutrition rules.
• I see a career coach today - start on action points highlighted.

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Conclusion

Patience. I started some changes less than one month ago. Actually my BP mindset has been there for ever. I need to erase 20 years if not more of beta. So it is a 2-3 year journey. It will be slow and fast, never a straight line.

OYS #1

Stats: 6'2, 165lbs Age: 29 Bp: 165 5x5 Squat: 225 Deadlift: 225 BR: 140

Married just over 1 year. Discovered MRP 11/2018.

Mission: Live my best life. Continue to grow. I've discovered I'm only truly happy when I grow.

Fitness: Been on PPL for about 6 months. I weighed 150lbs starting out. Eat 95% clean, developed discipline for gym life, eliminated every vice except smoking (hard to kick this one, but still pushing to try and kick this nasty habit). No drinking, no drugs, no sugar, video games are down to maybe 30 minutes to an hour (play with my wife when I feel up for it).

Marriage: This shit works. Marriage is going much better, but I'm not happy. I want the best from her, and cant expect the best unless I'm my best self. Marriage is strained because of my BP tendencies from the beginning and we have a special needs son, has to have 24 hour nursing, ventilator, ect. She made good money, but after the kid she stopped working. She's a great mother, but lack luster wife. She still regularly tries to test me, most of the time I pass, but lately shes began testing pretty hard with things like "it's alright for you to ignore me, but I dont ig ore you (when she throws shit my way I generally ignore the fuck out of it)" or if I call her out on shit she tries to side step and project something. Not sure how to handle this exactly besides not feeding into it? Still room to grow and work.

I've also begun to give less affection and attention, contingent with how she treats me and her sexual availability. Causes problems because I think she recently realized I dont tell her I love her unless she says it first (Advice wanted here, doing this right?)

Sex: came roaring back. Dread game up to the top, didnt quiet Rambo it, but I did move ahead quickly. Get sex, oral, anal. Working on bringing our more slut, I want her to take facials again, and want to push sexual growth and intamacy.

Financial: This part sucks. Need to work on this, but often times feel confined. Medical needs of my son coupled with wife no longer working means I'm trying to address the lifestyle creep that we accumulated. Need to find a side hustle or something I enjoy to begin to make money from.

Reading: Read NMMNG, RM, WISNIFG, MMSLP, and to switch it up, I'm working on SGM. I've read and studied some psychology and philosophy along the way, although that is more personal likes and not work.

Goals: make more money, get wife to be more submissive and slutty for me, be the captain I need to be, continue to develop solid frame, continue to remodel and take care of our house, give my son anything and everything he needs to ensure he knows he is loved and the best fucking thing I have.

Weak areas: New shit tests. Finances. Emotional Mastery. Motivation without having burn out. Get out of my own head. Continue building to reach irrational self confidence. Continue to learn to game wife (gaming other girls is easier? Idk why)

Stats

Age: 29 Height: 65 inches Weight: 164.9 BF: 24.25% Navy Method 19% bf Strongur calculator based on bench and squat. Wife: 29, Married 5 years, Together 9 years, 1 Child - 1 Year old

Reading

I need to continue to go through the prerequisites again. Get myself back in check mentally. Focus right now is WISNIFG. Slowly listening to it on drives.

Physical/health

• Steady weight loss on my weekly average.

• Continue to dial in the nutrition. Had a lazy week on that so just added some extra hours to my fasts. Still reasonable calorie deficit but not macro focused.

Career/finances

• Work is steady.

• I'll be picking up overtime here and there.

Relationship

• Had a day trip with the family out of town. Overall, not bad

• Definitely noticed her PMS attitude has doubled since stopping birth control. Worked on not giving a fuck and putting the boundary to not talk to me shitty over stupid shit.

• Hadn't really been interested in initiating. At the moment I'm not finding myself physically attracted to her. I've been told she's a reflection of me but I won't force her to workout. We go on walks with our son so that's something over nothing I suppose. I'll take more of a lead this week on this.

• My game has been weak. Even though I'm not attracted to her I'll need to up my game for practice. Something to work on. Although it's shark week so I'll think of something.

Goals for this week

• Continue readings.

• STFU. STFU. STFU.

Edit: Reread my relationship section. I got a long ways to go.

Body composition

Reached target weight with similar body composition, and have been maintaining new weight for past 3 months. I will forever feel small, but I find that motivating, and will remain natty unless my hormones become an issue.

Weight training

Switched back to DUP this week. I had forgotten how good it feels after speed day. Over the past 4-5 years, DUP and 5/3/1 have been the programs that have me feeling my best outside the gym and helped to avoid injury. Perhaps it's my age, but I need light days and deloads.

Conditioning

Improved conditioning despite intentional weight gain and poor consistency with HIIT. I prioritized conditioning for a couple of months, but have not dedicated the time to it lately. Instead I have shortened rest periods in weight training and increased focus on "exercise snacking" for now. 6 flights while carrying stuff is feeling easy.

Missed opportunity to test VO2max this spring. Will probably test in the fall. I could lie and say that testing is to guide my training and optimize health, but it's mostly for ego.

Health

Sleep 7-8h from 4-5h when I first came here. Medication adjusted to minimize dose and side effects. Blood work is perfect, which I used to rationalize a less clean diet. Still fairly clean - very rare to have dessert or junk food, but I will consume things like bacon, beer, wine, and white bread. Will need to tackle this at some point.

Work

I have quit several roles at work in the past few years. Income has gone up despite at least 10 hours less per week, fewer weekends, and less travel. I am back up to the same income from when I initially came unglued and found MRP several years ago, back when I was trying to do everything, not for sex, but because I thought it all needed to be done.

I have less power over the paths taken by the organizations with which I am involved, but I don't care. Everything seems important in my industry. It is important, but not important enough for me to be excessively self-sacrificing. I still admire self-sacrifice, and continue to do it to some extent, with clearer limits, but I don't feel the need to be a hero.

Social

I haven't prioritized activities with friends without wife. I know it would be better for me and for sexual strategy in the long run to do so, but there are other things I'd rather be doing right now. I like my wife, kids, family, friends and their families. Energy vampires have been banished. I'm not sure if it's rationalization or laziness, but I'm happy either way.

Sex

Sex is not an issue. I made it an issue years ago. I got exactly what I deserved. I resolved it in the first two months of MRP, pushed further than I needed to for a while after, and even went back to old habits of seeing how far I could get. Jack pointed out that my teen/early 20s mindset was essentially PUA. Two decades later, after finding MRP, I was chasing little dopamine hits again, with no purpose - a touch of Rambo. I don't need or want more from my wife. I don't miss getting unsolicited pics and phone numbers, and I have no desire to chase those things. I'm where I want to be, feeling fulfilled, but continuing to move forward.

Status and privilege

I have usually gotten more than I deserved, in general. Life is good. It's expected, as a person of privilege, to perform better than someone with less. Equal effort for greater personal success, but also greater contribution to the success of others. Recognizing this, it has always felt odd for people to look up to me. I'm not sure if it's residual self-esteem issues from childhood, or if it's a more honest reflection on the importance of effort versus outcome. I have always felt like a regular person in better-than-average circumstances.

I don't hang around other 1%ers, not that I don't feel at home with them, but because their status isn't interesting or valuable to me, and schedules conflict more than with regular people who have regular jobs. It may become valuable to build and maintain those connections for the sake of my kids as they mature and prepare for the working world, opening doors for them, but right now it's not a priority. This is one of the domains where I sometimes question myself. What I'm doing may not be ideal - I know it - but I'm comfortable with it for now. I'm not a perfect parent.

The real world

I'm expecting to spend less time on reddit during the summer. MRP is a weird hobby. How much time should a person dedicate to entertainment, self-reflection, escapism, and "giving back?" Most of it is a waste of time. I took a break for a few months, a couple of years ago. It was the right time.

OYS# 5

6/18/19

M37 5’7 165lbs W40 2 kids 6,10 Together 15 married 10

TLDR: need to ditch the dumbbells and either buy a power rack or find a new gym. Stop being a faggot, STFU and keep to the MAP

Health/ Physical

Been making slow but consistent gains in the gym, I’m now lifting heavier than since my shoulder injury but I’m right at the edge. I’m making my goal of getting my own power rack a higher priority as I think getting too heavy with the dumbbells may have contributed to my injuries and further progression I’m going to have to get on the bar.

Weight loss is progressing albeit it a little slower than I want but I have to remind myself to think of the long game.

Checked in with my doctor a couple weeks ago and did another body scan, lost 10lbs of fat and added 4lbs of lean weight since I saw him last.

Goal of quitting smoking and drinking was going poorly, lack of self control on my part, I had only just been cutting back. Quit entirely except for using some nicotine pouches. It’s only been a few days but I do feel better and am sleeping better.

Added kegals to my workout routine

Finances/career

Still keeping to my budget and taking advantage of some overtime to pay off some unexpected medical bills and pay for some home projects. Need to start saving for a new truck as my current ride is nearing its useful end.

Family/Leading

For the past 3 weeks wife and kids have been out of state visiting her family, grandparents etc. I worked some overtime, went to the gym and completed several projects at the house, new flooring, built roof for tree house, repairs on the dishwasher and laundry machine etc. basically kept busy and read mor MRP related material.

Mindset/Frame

It’s continual work, improving my confidence, frame, OI, validation and making myself my own mental point of origin but I feel like I have been making a little progress in most of these areas. I’m becoming more aware of my own value and slowly taking wife off the pedestal. However I’m still getting sucked into her frame, not as much at a conversational level but trying to get in her mind, what is she thinking? Why did this work, why didn’t this?what is she feeling? It’s not all the time. There are highs when I feel like I’m making great strides just improving myself for myself and then a thought creeps in, maybe she’ll come around to whatever my definition of the perfect wife is, but I know it’s impossible. If I reach real OI it doesn’t matter what she does but then why am I with her? The mental side of MRP has been the most challenging for me so far.

Relationship

Since last OYS I have continued to put more effort into initiating with OI, domination in bed, gaming my wife and removing validation seeking and covert contracts. I’m not coming from a dead bedroom but the passion was definitely lacking except during her ovulation. She has stepped it up a lot more, has initiated almost as much as me and has generally seemed more enthusiastic about my pleasure which has resulted in more BJs and better quality sex, both of us more vocal, dirty talk etc.

This is the third year I have stayed home from my wife’s summer trip to visit her family. The last two were before my RP awakening, I would be a needy insecure bitch while they were gone, wine about her not calling me, validating me etc. when I know she’s balls to the walls going all over the place on other people’s schedules, 3 time zones ahead of me and regularly out of cell reception. Basically 98% of her extended family lives within a 50 mile radius in the Midwest and she’s trying to see EVERYONE.

This time I took it upon myself to NOT do would I usually did and fuck it all up. I had some wins (maybe) and some failures.

1st week went well, I did my thing at work and home and basically went no contact unless she texted or called in which I kept my replies short and FaceTimed with her and the kids

2nd week apparently she let her bank account go negative between paychecks and had her mom put some money in her account(she didn’t ask me for any money for the trip and I didn’t offer), telling her mom I would pay her back without even checking with me. MIL shows up at my house asking me for money (it was under $100 I could have easily done it) and filling me in on the situation. I basically tell her that’s between her and my wife, she can pay you when she gets back.

It was during this unannounced visit MIL is trying to show me some text messages between her and my wife I see some old messages right before wife had left proving she had crossed a major boundary I had established a year ago, I won’t go into specifics. I basically was fuming for a few days and trying to figure out how to handle it properly as I thought we had a clear understanding a year ago. Long story short I told her over text what I had found out and she tried to play dumb, when she called I refused to discuss it and only wanted to talk to the kids which required me to hang up on her 4 times until the kids called me. We did end up discussing it a little to which I did lose my temper as she tried to deny until I showed my cards and brought up the texts I saw and she said she ended up not going through with it. I stood my ground and ignored her for a few days while she texted me she didn’t want me to leave her etc. (I was able to confirm within about 99% that she did not cross this boundary later)However we made up to a good degree and I decided to reset and to deal with it if it came up again.

Week 2-3

one thing I hate is that when I get mad at my wife and we have an argument (which is actually not often, a couple times a year) due to shitty behavior on her part and she knows it, she actually starts acting like a better wife, submissive, affectionate etc which crap way for me to get what I want.

After we sort of made up and I reset my anger, We started flirting, sexting and sharing fantasies. I got her to text me some nudes while she was staying at her grandmas. One of the nights we’re doing this I had drank a little too much and started puking out a bunch of insecurities about how I wished our relationship was more passionate like this on the regular and even talked about some of my insecurities from her past we had already talked about a long time ago and I thought I was past that. Basically just fucked up a good mood between us I had been building up for some days. I was able to eventually turn it around but I know I set myself back, how many weeks months I don’t know. I got back to the occasional sexting and flirting from her the last couple days of her trip. Her first night back last weekend I went real slow with the foreplay, amped her up and got her dripping, teasing her with my cock and she grabs it and starts working it into her ass, she actually seemed to enjoy it and came with a little clit stimulation. We ended up fucking several times that weekend to the point she was complaining about being sore. I don’t expect it to stay at this level, I have a lot more work to do on myself.

7th OWS -- 14 weeks

Stats -- Me: 38 5'8" 145lbs (down 1) BF 18% Wife: 37 Married 10, together 12, Kids 6 and 3.

Another tough week at MightBeNiceGuy's house. Wife continues to dig in heels and resist the shift in power. I'm dealing with unprecedented levels of disrespect and shit testing, then angry/disproportionate responses after I pass the shit tests.

This shit is hard.

Spent much of the week gradually moving things and setting up the new house. This sucked away a lot of my time, and made minimal progress on my MAP this week. We haven't been able to move in yet because I haven't been able to secure an office space to move the business. This should all solidify this week and my goal is to set a move date for sometime within the next 10 days.

For the past 2 years I've been running my business from home, and this transition to a new house and new office is going to be transformational for me, the company, and the family. It's been a long time coming and we are so close. Just currently dealing with delays on getting keys to the office space I'm trying to rent.

Living and working under the same roof with my wife (and sharing one car) has likely been a major contributor to the deteriorating attraction and respect. We literally have no independence from each other and are together 24/7. I've been logistically challenged to get out of the house to remove time & attention. Also I've failed at setting boundaries of work time and family time. Once the move takes place and I have a physical space for work I will set clear boundaries for work time, and have much more ability to get out and go somewhere.

Lifting sucked this week. I only made it to the gym once last week. I try to compensate at home with body-weight exercises, a pull-up bar, and my Peloton, but it's not nearly good enough. Also I'm down one pound from where I started, which is the wrong direction. Overall strength and body continues to slowly improve but my gains suck.

Business is going well. I've never had a problem with professional drive/motivation/success/income, and it frustrates me that my wife takes this completely for granted. Sales have been up this month and making progress on many medium-term projects that should all fall into place soon to produce a strong Q3 and Q4. I hired a new sales person recently and he's hitting the ground running -- very happy here. I have a potential investor warmed up that would be huge if I could land him soon. It's looking good.

Setting expectations/boundaries. Wife has been slinging shit tests at extreme levels this week. For those of you who haven't been following my OYS, she's been sleeping in my kids' room for the past 3.5 months (since I started MRP) as a protest/power move. She previously indicated that she would move back to the master bed once we move to the new house -- but this week she shit tested me with that, saying that she's setting up "her room" in the guest room of the new house and that "(she) has the right to buy all new furniture for her room". I told her that I feel bad for her (I genuinely do) that she won't even be able to enjoy the amazing master suite in the new house that she's been dreaming about for years; and that if she wants all new furniture she's buying it with her own damn money because new guest room furniture was not in the budget. I also made it clear that my expectations of my wife are that she sleeps in the master bedroom -- I need to be prepared to enforce this boundary by removing wife privileges. I'm thinking that if she does move in to the guest room, I need to act indifferent about it, not get upset and let her sleep where she wants but then must withdraw attention and resources. Particularly we need a 2nd car and were planning on getting one next month and of course she has strong opinions on what car she wants. If she's not acting like a wife I'll be getting my own car without her input. Question: how would you handle this?

Reading /u/bluepillprofessor book. It's excellent. I should have read this first. Why is it not higher on the sidebar? I'm realizing more mistakes that I've made in this journey (going too fast, Rambo) and trying not to beat myself up over the slow progress. Goal: keep on track and implement my MAP at 100%

Wife is becoming very unattractive. You all were right that she's going to look less and less attractive throughout this process. Taking her down from that pedestal is really making her unstable, unhappy and she's lashing out like a kid. She's profoundly unhappy right now and I really feel bad for her. She won't come to me for comfort -- just throwing more shit tests and controlling demands at me. The problem is that she feels zero dread and her manipulative tactics are becoming less and less effective on me. It disgusts me how entitled and un-appreciative she is. I literally provide every basic need for her and made her life so easy and she treats me like shit. Goal: stay the course, slowly ratcheting up dread.

I'm not focusing on myself. I'm still in her frame way too much, though developing mine and responding to the shit tests better. I'm busy as fuck with work, house, kids. Goal for this week: take the kids out somewhere fun without wife.

That's about all I have time for today.