Achievements since last confession:

• Paid off car today
• took family for a one-day getaway to San Antonio. I enjoyed it. Beautiful area.
• Expect to break squat plateau today at 240
• cold approach but no number

Coming soon:

• I'm 10lbs shy of breaking through both OHP and DL (should hit by next week) and feel solid enough to achieve it.

Failures or setbacks:

• BP continues to be a struggle. It's so fucking weird; I'll fail the 4th or 5th set at the 2nd or 3rd rep. After re-racking I'll take a 10-15 second rest then hit it again and can usually bust out 1 or 2 more. The progress here is excruciatingly slow. But, if I fail I don't just leave it at that. I'm fucking getting my volume, I don't give a shit how. The faster the better. Yes, my rests are sufficient (+3 minutes)

The big issue this week:

It was time to introduce my grand plan, or at least the foundation of, to one of the main team members. This PM travels a bit (as most do) so developing a rapport as been difficult. But it wasn't non-existent so I felt comfortable going in.

Holy fuck it was like I had offended her in every way possible.

1. She did not like the way I "demanded" changes be made. Really don't know what the reference is here. I thought my email clearly stated I saw these areas as fundamental areas we can improve and how.

2. She hated I used someone else's project as a template (I didn't). When that someone IM'd me during the meeting, she damn near exited the room.

3. She attempted to point out how her team was doing every task I had suggested. Then I proceeded to point out the differences. For example, generic summaries where detailed inventories are needed along with the meta data that comes with it.

Afterwards, she had some people send me emails as guidance and she followed up the next day. Then she proceeded to berate me because I didn't know where her reference website was (her reference website is for her use, not mine and has absolutely zero to do with my tasks), as well as some other things. It wasn't a yelling, screaming deal, but more, "I'm highly disappointed you haven't figured this out by now. I'm not sure what your purpose is here."

She is not my boss nor in my hierarchy. But she weighs significant influence. Such that if she were to demand I be fired, she probably would get it.

Fucking hell.

A coworker suggested not to worry about it, that she gets like that, but also reminded me she's a perm; I'm a contractor. "Know your role."

I may have come across a little aggressive. I honestly don't see it.

So, I'm spending today documenting the points she brought up and my counterpoints; not as fear of what may come, but as rebuttal for if, when we continue our conversations. I'm keeping the mindset that she, nor most any of the other PM's, know me. I have to gain their trust. I have to sell them. I have to be clear how my ideas can save them time, money and embarrassment (if she/they weren't failing their audits I wouldn't be there to begin with..), not to mention it's how the company wants their shit done anyway.

Sell bitch.

And on that note, tons of reading. Fucking tons. I've never liked Evernote but have really figured out how to utilize it. It's aight.

Back to work bitches.

OYS #1

Age: 37; Height 6'; Weight 173; BF: 9%; Wife 37 (married 14 years); Daughter (7) Reading: Models, NMMNGx2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, In Progress: WISNIFG

Physical:

I've been at CrossFit for over 5 years. BS: 325, DL: 375, BP: 210, SP: 145. My diet is clean and consistent. I meditate 20 minutes a day minimum, and upward of 2 hours on some days. I've been meditating in this style for almost 3 years.

Career:

I'm a credentialed actuary. I'm about as high up on the corporate ladder as I want to be right now enjoying the fruits of my labor and a solid work/life balance. Finances are great and money is not an issue.

Relationship:

My wife and I have been separated since mid-May. I came back from an overseas vacation with a male friend and she told me that she (while crying) that she didn't miss me when I said that I missed her. We agreed to pursue marriage counseling (previously I didn't think we needed it - typical nice guy "everything is fine" avoidance stuff).

Previously, my wife had been growing ever distant and I was clueless to the many warning signs. For example, my wife suffers from frequent migraines and has trouble sleeping so I suggested that we sleep in separate rooms so she can get more sleep (back in May of 2018). Naturally, this beta-behavior did not result in more intimacy at all and did much more harm than good. Sex began to dry up significantly, often we would only have-a-go about once a month and that's after a lot of MNG-style prompting and cajoling. Intimacy was often rushed, consistent in format, and with minimal foreplay mostly to get it over with on her part "because she was tired". She was also growing every angrier by the day and I had to walk on some serious eggshells to keep the peace. There are more issues but you get the gist. Literally I felt like Gil and Barb on p.99 of NMMNG.

All of this lead us to seek couple's counseling. During my wife's intake session, the counselor opted to keep working with my wife on her various issues (depression, anxiety, and repressed feelings). During the next session we both came together and the counselor recommended that we run a trial separation to work on our problems (I'm told the counselor initiated it but I don't believe it). I felt blindsided by this (hindsight 20/20). I got the dreaded "I love you but I don't love you". Typical beta-style behavior came out over the next few weeks. Such as trying to instantly fix all of the problems, identify single key issues why she is unhappy, trying to discuss the problems, crying about it, and other needy behaviors such as writing love notes and other such bullshit.

A week or so after we started counseling, I discover that she was running a burner phone she was using to contact a guy she was having an emotional (and possibly even a physical) affair with from her workplace. I also went over our phone records and noticed that she ran up hundreds of hours on the phone with this guy (on her primary phone). I confronted her about it and that's where everything got very real to me. Up until that point I just saw all of this as "her" problem as opposed to me contributing to this problem. Naturally, she did something catastrophically shitty, but this started me on the path of realization that my shitty communication style and needy/nice guy behaviors made me very unattractive and have also been very shitty from her perspective. Thankfully, I did not go all Rambo about this information (though I very much wanted to) and told her that I feel like we can still work through the issues together. Going ballistic on her would have solved nothing and I would have learned nothing.

Since moving out, I started off by reading the typical marriage books to figure out what went wrong. Basically all this did was basically teach me that, yea, here's the shit you should have been doing if you wanted to be in better marriage (though not a better marriage from a MRP-perspective, I'm sure) or "how to guilt your spouse into staying in a relationship because God said so". I also read a book on being better at validating in conversations which helped set the stage for talking with my wife in a way where I wasn't trying to solve all of the myriad of problems she presented to me (aka "you just don't listen").

I signed myself up with a therapist to work through any issues I might have to work with. After going for a few months my therapist kicked me out. He says I was doing the work of five of his other clients and that I'm able to own my problems and handle my emotions.

A few weeks after I started therapy, I found a coach online who specializes in working with the "left behind" spouse in a separation situation. I bit the bullet and signed up for his services back in June. I ran coaching and therapy in tandem for a month. This coach's premise was to teach me skills to re-connect with my spouse so that she is, in this order, more relaxed with me, then enjoys actually talking with me and being with me more, then gradually restoring her trust she lost along the way, and then eventually forming intimacy (he said it was a 6-9 month process from his experience). It was in these sessions that he clued me into some "nice guy" traits that I had. I had no idea what this meant at the time. He also helped me work to be more attractive to my wife by being relaxed, being validating (but not being a therapist), and pointed me away from the marriage books and more to books that involve dating and pick-up skills to attract my wife back (being alpha, basically). These sessions put my mind in the right place to quit doing damaging shit that would just push her farther away. But I was always left with the sense that there was more to do.

He didn't point me to a dating book, but I stumbled upon Models a few weeks back. I read through that and it really clued me into the attractiveness piece of the puzzle I was missing. At the end of models there was a quote that Glover gave which went "what if this was a gift?" and that resonated with me hard. I picked up NMMNG and read it. I went to the Internet to find out more about NMMNG support groups and I stumbled on MRP and am going through the required reading.

Right now, my wife and I are communicated better than when this separation started and she does feel genuinely more relaxed with me. I'm moving myself to the frame of mind where I don't care if this marriage continues. This is made a lot easier with the growing knowledge that (despite beta-tendencies) I'm a high-value male. I do love my wife and earnestly feel that this relationship deserves another shot with both of us giving it our A-game. Our counselor said that both of us are good at owning our own shit so I see that as potential.

My wife is still in therapy. She's going through some serious childhood therapy stuff from a long series of repressing issues with her parents. She's doing EDMR therapy to help alleviate distress from PTSD experiences. She responds very well to the treatment since she has a near photographic memory when it comes down to these details (obviously this photographic memory bodes poorly when we get into arguments…) I'll spare you the details for now since this is getting a bit long and you MRP people have things like twice-daily sex and blowjobs to get back to.

Goals:

• STFU and avoiding being Rambo -- keeping those training wheels on
• Connecting with more men for outside activities
• Progress with sidebar items
• Figure this reddit thing out.  What is an internets?

A day late, but I'm getting this in.

Life Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge.

I made a large reaching decision business wise and put the word out to employees to move the direction that will lead to my vision. I agonized about this for months. In the end everyone was supportive of the change and jumped on it. I need to just do these types of things and skip the over analysis and agony.

But in the end, I'd say I kicked life in the ass. This is another step toward my vision.

Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 245 BF: 14%

Weight was down on Saturday to 240. We left on a week long vacation, and I'm leaving right after that for a week conference. The travel will screw with my diet and lifting. But I'm determined to minimize that impact.

So far, I've done pretty good food wise. Lots of fish in this location. I haven't gotten to the weight room. Hotel gym is pathetic. But I've hiked, kayaked and swam a lot.

My mental health is getting a needed break and I'll hit it hard when I get home.

Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Goals:

• Keep on top of budget

Vacations are expensive. Not so much a hit on our savings or long term plans, but I have a mental issue with spending so much money each day on food and activities. Resorts charge for everything. I'm letting that go as much as possible and enjoying the time with my family and when my mind starts to go to how much things cost, I switch it to how proud I am, that I can provide for my family like this. I never had an experience like this growing up. My kids are very fortunate and I work my ass off to show them these types of places and give them these experiences.

Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

• Be calm
• Model happiness

Pretty good week. One of my daughters is more adventurous than the other. She and I have been doing some exploring. Kayaked to a hidden beach. Swam around, and did some snorkeling. Lots of fun.

Other daughter, needs a little more encouragement to do these things, but I've gotten her outside her comfort zone a bit.

I did lose my shit at her once. She was being very disrespectful in the way she was speaking to her mother. I pulled her out of the pool and took her to our room. I talked to her a bit and let her know the way she acted was unnaceptable and tried to understand where it was coming from. She is usually a very good kid. Not sure there was a real root cause, other than being 12 and stuck with your family for a week, she had a moment.

I could have been a little more calm, but I was a bit embarrassed by how she acted and could have gotten the point across without as much commotion.

​

Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

• Be an oak

In a hotel room with the family for a week is a bit tough for me. I've scheduled every activity on the trip and booked everything. But at some point, it would be nice to switch off from tour guide and have wife take the helm. I know the answer is to delegate. Today from x-y I'm going to go for a run and you figure out what you and the kids are doing... Maybe I'll do that today.

Overall, frame has been good.

Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

No butt hurt, so that is a success. Wife has initiated several times, which is tough in a hotel room with kids, so thats a win. I have no expectations on this trip, because we are in a single hotel room. When that is off the table, I can operate how I'd like. Its kinda fun and liberating.

Goal:

• Initiate when I feel like it be OI

[deleted]

7 August 2019

OYS #3

Stats:

Age: 31; Height: 71 in; Weight: 181; BF: 12% / Wife: 35, (together 9, married 8); Children: 2 kids – 4 and 5

Readings: NMMNG (x2), MMSLP, Meditations, and currently reading MAP. I need to prioritize reading at least a little bit every single day. Its taking me way too long to get through the books I need to.

Physical / Health

Lifts 1RM: BP: 245, DL: 385, OP:135, SQ: 255

I’ve continued the 5x5 program every other day, and ran 3 miles 3 times this week. I am sore as hell, and it feels great. It feels like progress is being made all the way around. I see why lifting is the centerpiece to improvement here on MRP.

Mission

- To become mentally resilient, confident, and self-assured.

- Completely rid myself of codependence issues and related compulsions.

- Raise my children to be responsible, confident, and self-policing.

- Be the Captain of this ship, and end the chaos my family has endured.

- Improve strength and overall physical fitness to a level I must work to maintain.

Career

Everything is going well at work. Beginning the day with a long run helps set the tone for the day. I’ll continue to use work as another outlet and just learn something new every day.

Frame

I’m going to continue to focus on my own tasks, lifting and getting things done. I caught myself falling into my wife’s frame one night and immediately left the house, just ran to the store. I need to make it a priority this week to not do this at all. Staying busy with work / reading in the evenings will help with this.

Relationship

I see a huge difference already, just three weeks in. It’s very apparent to me that my own bullshit is what was holding me back in this marriage. I mentioned falling into my wife’s frame one night this week. She was working late at home 3 or 4 nights in a row, and I asked her if this was going to be a trend. I know that I should have just let her do her shit and kept busy with my own. Other than that slip up, I didn’t make any serious errors this week but that was bad enough. Won’t happen again this week. I feel for the first time in years that I am as much in control of this marriage as she is, and that’s a great feeling. My needs in sex are nowhere near being met, but at this early stage I feel like that should remain on the backburner until I fix my own bullshit. We were discussing sex one night this week, and she basically stated that a marriage in her eyes could exist without sex at all. I told her I am not at all interested in that kind of marriage. I took this as a small victory for myself, because I did not get upset or even annoyed, just calmly made that statement and owned it with an IDGAF attitude. She almost looked puzzled by my response and that pretty much ended the conversation. I am just trying to take things slow. STFU has been working with the one exception, and I will continue this focus through this week as well.

Fucking Red Pill. Fuck me. I can't unsee what I've seen and I can't unlearn what I've learned.

I can't continue on my journey to a shitty premature pussy-ass death.

OYS#5 Previous OYS First OYS

Stats: 40, 5’10”, 223lb (SW 235lb), 29.3% Navy Method Wife: 40, together 17 yrs, married 13: 3 kids.

Lifts: Prior to injury: DL: 170, SQ: 135, ROW: 95, BP: 80, OHP: 80

Reading: Completed-NMMNG, MMSLP, Quit Drinking the Easy Way, WISNIFG, MAP, SaLSM, TRM

I haven't posted in several weeks. Here's what's happened since.

I bought a rack and weights for my garage. Lifted every other day for a month. Stopped lifting and drank a bunch and tried to bury my head in the sand about the curtain being pulled back on my Disney marriage that never existed, what being divorced and not seeing my kids everyday would be like, and how much work I'd have to do just to stop being a piece of shit. My wife isn't a special snowflake, but I am an accomplished fuckup. References available on request.

Took a week off for vacation, Neck/Arm got fucked (C5/6 disk herniation) on my return and haven't been to work in 3 weeks. Now a month off from lifting. I'm actually pissed about that. One Dr. (Physical Therapist) said I shouldn't be lifting at all. Turns out he's in the same group as the Ortho surgeon I originally saw about the neck. I later found out that the surgeon is a known cutter and all problems need surgery. Saw another Surgeon that said the herniation wasn't good, but it wasn't so bad as to need same week surgery. Got a steroid injection in my neck. It helped a ton with the pain, but the grip/arm strength are still a problem. Lifting/holding on to 10# feels like I'm going to drop it right now. Got down to 218 lbs from a max of 243, then bounced back up to 223. Been steady there. Down a pants size from 40" to 38" but I'm still a fatass. I need a second opinion from a Dr and a PT about lifting again.

Wife: Sex has been happening 1-2 times a week while she is off for the summer, but the quality sucks. She's too bitchy to me and the kids too often. She's also fat. She's started her own diet/exercise routine and lost like 5 lbs? There is no affection at all and she still recoils from my touch often.

Her shitty behavior and shitty sex have really helped me get much closer to true OI. Talked with an attorney and it turns out that as long as I get at least 20% time with my kids, she'll get potentially as little as $300 a month from me. Eventually when youngest goes to Kindergarten, she'd actually owe me about $150 a month. She'd have to give me like 45% of her pension value and I'd have to give her like $1000 from my IRA? The silver lining to not saving for retirement? I should write a book. I feel like I have just been handed a grenade.

Here's what I'm going to do:

The only times my arm/neck has felt "Good" was after mowing the lawn and doing yard work. My theory is that the activity helped it and avoiding all activity is dumb. I'm going to drop back down to just the bar and start SL5X5 over again. I'll stop if it hurts. I want to lift. I am genuinely pissed off that I've had 40 years of nearly perfect health and now that I'm finally ready to work on my body, it craps out. FML.

PSMF until I am at 200 lb, then reevaluate. I don't have any lifts to speak of to compromise, so why not? I've been doing IF 16:8 with no problems for months and I doubt I'll be hungry. I might go for full fasting/Snake juice soon. I'm sick of being fat.

As much as I don't want anything to do with my wife when she's being shitty and really don't want to game her most of the time, I recognize that I need to work on the skills. I will read up on gaming/kino this week.

We are selling our house in the coming months. The to do list is long. I will be chipping away at this for quite awhile.

Finish reading Leangains this week.

OYS#38

MRP journey is 1 year now.

37 yo, 6’0, 164lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 2 & 12

This week our Dominant/submissive contract ended. I predicted my wife would come to me in a few days and beg to submit even though we were supposed to take a week off in this new journey. I was wrong. Wife made it exactly 12 hours before a new agreement was made. We are continuing our D/s relationship through August. It hasn’t stopped yet. Her therapist suggested she go a longer duration because it was working. Anxiety and depression are nearly gone as I maintain this frame.

Maintaining frame under the current D/s relationship that I have with my wife is… like MRP on insane mode. I have had one slip up this week where I got kind of moody at her lack of submission and her basic shit testing, but I was able to get back to where I need to be. The ripple effect though took much effort to lead through, but I did it.

With my wife submitting to me it creates a frame test that seems so much more hard than before. If I fucked up before, I could just wait a day or so, or STFU. Now that is increasingly hard to do so because if I let my frame slip even the slightest bit it undermines our whole D/s dynamic. The least amount of fucking up violates trust in our relationship now.

This is like MRP on fucking hard mode, and I’m fully aware it can get harder with random shit happening. It’s an immense amount of responsibility to have someone hand over the keys to their mind, body and spirit to you so that you can shape them into the person that they want to be. But everytime that I’m successful, the energy flow in our relationship is phenomenal. I fucking love the challenge of knowing I can’t fuck up at all.

This is real extreme ownership, something that I’ve written about many times before. My wife depends on me for everything she was designed to depend on me for now. It’s a RP utopia, where I’ve rewritten the rules and now I’m no longer the one craving sex. Sexual activity has become an absolute reward from my frame now.

Some successes this past week:

• - Blowjob training complete. Wife always liked giving them, but now she loves them the most. She craves them. She spends all day thinking about sucking my cock and when she gets in bed she can’t wait.
• - Anal training began. Here’s a great guide I found.
• - Implemented maintenance spankings. Wife is a pretty good girl most all the time now but I can’t spank her if she is a good girl. So instead I give “maintenance” spankings which are much more intimate. It allows me to reassert my Dominance.
• - Wife yelled at the kid only one time this week. Down from at least once a day. She was ready for punishment that night. I’m a good yet fair man. Instead of a spanking, I worked her up real, real good and then when she was about to cum… she was denied. Blue balled my wife, fuckers. I don’t think she’ll be yelling at the kids often anymore.
• - My dick is about to fall off my body, but I’m traveling for business twice this week. There have been new rules setup since I’m gone – dirty pics are sent with enthusiasm.
• - I gave my wife the task of organizing both kid’s birthday parties. The results were fantastic, lots of fun, and made huge smiles on my kid’s faces. Wife and son are really starting to work together well.
• - Read two audiobooks about Submissive Wives with my wife. They were received very well and got wife more on board with our arrangement.
• - Orgasm control is on-point with the wife. I control all of them, and she now cums on command with a 5 second countdown while we are playing. This is such a major change from a woman who would only have 1 orgasm a month.

Outside of my relationship everything is going very well. I don’t write about it much here because it was never really a problem – only my relationships with my family. Lifting is going great. Family is making awesome progress.

I spend at least 20-30 minutes a day with each kid giving them my personal time. Whatever they want to do. Sometimes we play chess (older son) and talk about whatever. Other times we go for a walk, play with slime, tell jokes, play hide-and-seek, crank up the xbox, whatever they want to do… I’m theirs for that time. This has been such a critical space for me to bond with my children, who I really do love dearly.

The tone for my travel for work has changed. Wife is no longer bitchy and stonewalls me before I leave. We are attempting to live authentically. I was a well taken care of man this time before leaving – which is a very different story than the last 5 times I’ve traveled. I was always denied before trips because of her anxiety. This time she wanted nothing more than to please me and send her husband away happy. Very happy.

So, I’ve made my dirty little slut. I’ve done it. My sex life is now firmly in my own hands and is limited only to my imagination. It becomes a bit of pressure to make sure that I continue to add variety. This week I’ve bought 2 new toys, 3 new outfits, and made up one role-play scenario. All were immensely popular and worked fucking great.

In our first role-play to introduce the concept I laid out two outfits. At night, I told her to get naked and in bed. I brought her both outfits and explained that tonight I was going to do something very nice for her and allow her to choose, but each outfit had a story behind it. The first was the horny little submissive housewife who’s been waiting on her husband to come home from his business trip… she’s been dying for some cock, rubbing her pussy through her cute panties and can’t wait to tear him apart when she gets to bed. The second outfit was my dirty little slut who secretly has been thinking about sucking and fucking cock all day, but has been a little bad and may need to work for it.

Wife chose the dirty little slut outfit. It just goes to show you how much shit can change in a man’s sex life. A year ago I was crying in bed next to her when she would reject me. Now, if I don’t at the very least let her suck my cock she starts to cry.

The psychology of this is amazing. I’m happier. She’s happier. We are having more great passionate and immersive sex than ever. I feel like a director of my own porn movie.

Leaving this morning for business I told her that the more horny she made me, the more fun it would be when I came home… and I would be coming home fully loaded. I watched her eyes widen, her mouth drop, and the excitement exhale in her breath. Don’t worry babe. I’ll be back in a couple of days.

She looked down and my cock and then blew me fiercely, shot cum all over her face, and I hopped on a plane.

Strength, motherfuckers.

Age: 36, Height: 5' 7", Weight: 141lbs, Fat: 15%

​

SQUAT: 216lbs, BENCH:160lbs, PRESS: 105lbs, DEADLIFT: 231lbs

​

PHYSICAL

Lower back ligament is much improved, all this benching has increased it by 10lbs... happy days. I increased my calories up to 1900 and still my weight is the same from last week so upped to 2100 and hoping to see some very lean gains over the next few weeks.

​

WORK / MISSION

Im nailing it at work, I went into my first meeting with directors from different business to use my technical skills to win over a 3rd party. Very hostile, i stood my ground gave the options and talked them through the solutions including the pros and cons, helped them decide the solution that was best. I was a little fucked off that when things get hostile people who are supposed to be on your side just become pussys and freeze up. I was shitting myself but i know my technical skills and prep we sound. Nailed the meeting and won the contract. This ate into my mission time thus no focus a second week running on my hustle.

​

LEADERSHIP

This is going well little things now at home leading the family and gaining support from the wife, this is new. I am giving her things to do and she is nailing it at home with the kids over the summer. The FO is super stressed right now, due to an illness she wont be able to go back to work so its find a new job or lose her current job in 3 months. I have been taking the kids away on a regular basis and giving her space to figure her own shit out.

​

Relationship

I came home one night and the kids were throwing a fucking riot, mess everywhere. I greeted the kids and wife as usual, kids were super hyped and wife was focusing on something on her laptop no greeting just got grunted at. Ok right this is an oppertunity to sort this mess and be the captain. Got the kids involved in tidying whilst i went to sort dinner out they went back to watching TV rather than tidying. I turned the TV off by the wall socket... Then the world ended...

wife:"I cant save my work the internet has gone off"

me: (a bit of flooding) "hey that was me i turned the internet off by accident, what happened"

Wife:"I was applying for jobs and now you have turned it off and i have to do the whole application again"

me: "I apologies yeah i did do that what can i do to help?"

wife: "its not good enough (raging)"

me: "its my mistake, i own it what can i do to help? (comfort maybe)"

Wife: (definatly not receptive to any comfort)

​

I positively move on and carry on tidying and sorting out dinner. basically, we end up eating dinner around her whilst the fog of rage emanates from her, i hold frame stfu and am happy cocky with the kids and her (I get a smile and laughs from my joking even about purposely cutting the internet off for a laugh). Dinner ends I take the kids to the park. We come home and the little girl that my wife turned into has calmed down and is eating food.

I need to do better at this?

​

Mindset

I assumed because the wife isnt fucking me and I dont get IOI's that im not attractive. This core belief was proved wrong when i was out at a bar. 40's married woman who has an ugly face but good body starts giving me looks, i assume i have no chance but as an opportunity to practice my game. I have been listening to tom torero podcasts for about a month in the car. It goes fairly well i was playing cocky funny push / pull game not really giving a fuck assuming i dont have a chance. She lets on she is originally from spain, i run with "oh you must have a fiery personality or is that reserved for the bedroom?" she fires back "what makes you think i have a fiery personality!! (angry eyes)" i respond with "i like it when you give me angry eyes, its arousing!" then its on she is all over me, can i buy her a drink? No I cant but you can sip some of my rum and coke. She downs it and drags me to a corner. We make out and swap numbers the night ends. I arrange a meet up but im getting spun the line "i need an emotional connection" fucking damn it! Assumed shit test but im losing her over txt... sticking to logistics, i think i have lost this one. Any how she did proceed to tell me shes wants a FWB but needs an emotional connection as she dosnt have one with her husband. So im pushing for a meetup but she isnt biting. This was actually fun and has helped my mentality maybe a bit of abundance is good for me? or am I seeking validation, either way i need to fuck.

OYS Post One. 45, unmarried, two kids.

I have been lurking here for ages. To be honest, I was sent here from some other sub, relationship advice, where I was bitching about my partner who was 100% cheating on my ass.

I came, I saw, I grabbed some books and got No More Mr Nice Guy done, Rational Male started (never finished - only had the print copy and travelled away from it). I picked up The Manipulated Man and read it more or less cover to cover and it made me angry.

And then I noticed how fucking everything gets under my skin. No sex. No interest in sex. No connection of any sort. Nothing.

And me, I am out of shape, feel and look like shit and am in a funk that I don't even know how to get out of.

I am in a foreign country with women would love to have me (I represent $$) and no gym within an hour of here. No lifting, middle of nowhere shit.

I was in shape before kids, let everything slide after more than one injury. Rotator cuff is cocked up and plantar fascitis.

I expect to feel the wrath of some of you, but I figured WTF - I am here, open to a direction I should go.

Where to start?

OYS Week 43

Stats:

Age: 36; Height: 74 in; Weight: 189.5; BF: 13% (navy method) / 14.9% strongur.io; Wife: 38, (together 17, married 14); Children: 2 kids – 5 and 10

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG (x2), Rational Male, Book of Pook (x2), MMSLP (x3), MAP, Meditations, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method (x2), How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Bang, Day Bang, Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2); Reading 48 Laws of Power

Physical / Health

Lifts Estimated 1RM: BR: 175, BP: 198, DL: 354, OP:115, SQ: 273

• Eating more. Hit maintenance TDEE of 2650 calories last two days. It’s really hard to overcome the mental side of it that I’m going to waste all the fat loss by eating more.
• Biggest issue is loose skin. Being an obese fatass has given me some loose skin. Best remedy is to try and build out muscle
• Started 5/3/1 BBB. Going well so far
• Testosterone came back a 295 which isn’t good. Sex drive, erections, are all fine. Energy levels are not
• Low energy, fatigue, “brain fog”/confusion, cold hands/feet, headaches are all getting worse
• Latest blood test showed nothing (except testosterone) abnormal (glucose fine, insulin fine, thyroid fine)

Relationship

Informed my wife we needed to pause IVF due to where our relationship is – her constantly bringing up divorce. This, as predicted started several days of hostility and avoidance. I don’t see this as a main event, but it did force honesty from her. Standard reaction from her - she immediately moved her stuff to the guest room, stopped wearing her ring, proceeded to look up lawyers, houses to rent, etc. etc. Ring is back on and her stuff moved back as of last night.

I spent a lot of time reflecting by myself this week and figured out what I really want in the relationship – it’s not about blowjobs or anal, it’s about openness, honesty, affection, appreciation, and intimacy. I want a wife, not a roommate. The specific sex acts were to prove something to myself – that I’m good enough to get them.

/u/man_in_the_world posted last week regarding sex that it's necessary that “[she] can trust that your mentorship is honest and has her best interests in mind as well, and is not just deceptive Nice Guy manipulation to get your covert needs met.” She's overtly has stated this - 1) that she is being pressured do things she doesn't want to do/doesn't like and if she refuses, I’ll cheat/get angry/lash out and 2) that everything I do is to get sex/sexual acts from her. Unfortunately (and this comes from a lot of self-reflection), she is right on both these things. There are still covert contracts in me, and I get pissed when they’re not fulfilled.

The biggest revelation in all this – is that I’ve been a real dick to my wife when she has been trying. Things were in a better place than at any other time in our relationship, and I got angry because it wasn't good enough (because of ego and validation). I’ve been downright cruel to her. This isn’t alpha – this is just being a dick.

I care for my wife – deeply actually. And it's one thing where she gets mad/pissed at you for doing your own shit or a shit test response. There’s another where you are constantly belittling her, telling her she’s not good enough, and generating no positive feels. I’ve fucked up here and fully own that.

These cycles that I’ve written about – the cause is me not her. It’s me falling back into bad habits with not STFU and caring what she does. She is testing and I fail... a couple nights in the kids room and I get pissed for some reason. She gives a soft no after 2 days of hard fucking and I feel annoyed/pissed. So I fail and then I react and react harshly.

This past week, I stayed as busy as possible, played the nice card. With a lot of good advice from /u/HornsOfApathy, I now understood playing the nice card but letting her come to me. No need for a play by play, but she broke down yesterday - a real true comfort test with crying and snot bubbles. She is scared I am going to cheat, that I’ve changed, that I may divorce her, etc. It was the first time I saw her being honest with herself and admitted that she was scared.

I need to reset myself. I’ve been trying too hard to force my view of things onto her. That’s never going to work. The good news is I know what I want. I need to be patient and let things play out naturally. I say this way too frequently in my OYS and am not learning this lesson. I am not going to burn down the marriage for a lack of blowjobs when my wife has been fucking (much more frequently and more passionately then ever) and adds a ton of value.

So, the plan is the same, and I need to get rid of the scoreboard. This means not getting butt hurt over her actions – ever, calling her out when there is disrespect, setting my expectations and boundaries and enforcing them.

Outside of posting my OYS I’m going to take a break from reading MRP. I get worked up in comparing myself to others’ relationships and sex lives who 1) haven’t been a faggot nearly as long as I have and 2) are much further on this journey.

So what specifically am I going to do?

1. Play the nice card
2. Not get butt hurt when she begins to withdraw
3. Figure out how to lead to the sex we both want and need
4. Work on generating positive feels through gaming, kino, etc without the covert contract that it is going to lead to sex
5. Take a break from MRP except for OYS
6. Stop worrying about specific sex acts or what my wife will/will not do
7. Figure out health problems - these are certainly affecting my mood

OYS #2 

(OYS #1 here)

36yo. 5'10. \~160lbs (\~72kg). Engaged to 40yo. Both (legal : ) ) immigrants to US .  No kids (yet – see below). 

As mentioned in OYS#1 we have gone through a number of rounds of fertility treatment, which I thought had failed. Turns out not to be the case as either the drugs/procedures/natural method worked and GF is pregnant and quite far along (\~14wks –waiting to find out). Found out middle of last week after a scan into what was thought was another health issue. Seems funny to miss it in hindsight but she has often looked pregnant with health issues. 

Should be good news, considering the cost, stress and effort of the whole process. However iI had really not been connected with the whole process and had recently been having a lot of second thoughts. So dealing with reality now. I think a lot of this has to do with a lack of mission/coasting along somewhat complacently. And coworker oneitis  where by over the previous month or so an old

Physical

Do a lot of endurance sport, now recreationally, previously at reasonably high level. GF is same (how we met) but her less so now. She is still v fit/active, works in that area.

Busy week at work and focus on outdoor pursuits meant gym suffered. Only made it twice until late yesterday evening, squeezed in one late (which is ). Have gone back to square one, downloading stronglifts app and starting again at light weights so work on form and break past a plateau I was at. Have poor flexibilty so noticed improvement doing light barwork for snatches and overhead squats, hoping the same is true as rebuild the main lifts. 

Got out biking/hiking/trail running a lot and with buddies too . This  something I have been poor at in the past, as GF did similar training I'd bail on the rides with a group of guys in favor of going with her at her pace etc and then be somewhat resentful for it. Or afraid to take off on a Saturday to do something because it was 'our time'.  Hindsight is 20/20 but a lot of it was in my NMMNG head picking up on random comments she'd say.

I also need to do bloods, have been wondering about iron and testosterone levels. I did a marathon earlier in the year and probably didn’t take enough time off afterwards, feel a bit flat now. 

Am currently drinking a bit more alcohol than normal (normally might have 1-3 drinks a week, probably x3-4 times that at the moment) and sleep is also poor.  Apart from booze increase have also increased amount of crap/snacks. Diet is usually good but like the gym I haven't been tracking numbers/macros. Last time was back in May, (typically \~3300-3500cal/day)

Mental / Relationship

Bit of a victim puke maybe but what I am dealing with at the moment. Hope to move past it and move on to deal with the reality and be more focused on developing a mission.

Found out this week that LTR/GF is pregnant after multiple failed fertility cycles. I should in theory be happy with the news given I was there and involved for the process but first thought was 'fuck' and second one was 'how am I going to tell Girl 2' 

Had recently re-struck up an intense (not really sure of the word) - more than a dalliance but less than a relationship I guess with a co-worker (G2) after a long period of not speaking (following a previous version of the same thing). It was not quite but bordering on full blown affair then and again now, both physical and was definitely emotional – daily contact etc. This had rekindled after the last failed fertility cycle after a long period of no contact.

I thought I had worked through all this and come out the other side when I went through this before (was the reason I found MRP in the first place 2-3years ago, not knowing how to handle it).

But realize a lot of it was just repressed and had (/have) a lot of BP tendencies/wishful thinking regarding G2. While telling myself I was focusing on the LTR and working on myself there was a lot of wishful thinking of how things might have been. To my (BP) mind on paper she ticked all my boxes in a way the LTR didn't but I wasn’t ready to throw away all I had built up with LTR at the time. We had been through a lot (family deaths, immigration etc etc). Started to realize from reading MRP most of the 'issues' I had in the  LTR were me being a drunk captain and not OYS. MRP reading has taught me a lot about AWALT etc, both on G2 side (I couldn’t understand her actions) and even on my own LTR who broke up with her previous partner to be with me. But also my own covert contracts/resentment and lack of leadership. I need to reread NMMG and read WISNIFG as I think there were a lot of covert contracts and underlying resentment I wasn’t dealing with originally, and lack of speaking my mind that when I got attention from G2 it was a source of relief/fantasy. I also was not very good at gaming my GF in the day to day and had a lot of covert contracts (if we do X I'll get Y). I was never necessarily pure ' alpha' but have always gotten attention and had easy going charm with girls. G2 brought that back out in me.

So spent more time on DL1-5 (though never quite got hang of 4) and LTR responded well. Started being better with financial planning (a weakness). Physical fitness itself never been an issue but had never focused on lifting. Saw results. Reverted to more social/outgoing, (something I was resentful of LTR on keeping me from) got over the guilt of cheating in a beta way. Increase volume of sex w LTR (which had been very low). Still a lot of cognitive dissonance/self-delusion going on as I would not commit to getting married/setting a date with LTR etc., (the whole idea of marriage was becoming less appealing) yet would also not break up to pursue G2 (/or be single) and went along with all the fertility processes, even though I wasn’t mentally engaged/committed to it. I definitely second guessed myself a lot through the process if it was what I wanted to do but kept signing the paperwork, doing the injections etc (not a fun process). I've seen the question here 'do you actually like your wife' it was not a no but not a quick yes either. 

Then G2 comes back into the picture (\~2months ago after the last 'failed' cycle) and I'm back at the same place I was 2years ago and doing the same shit – constant contact, lying to get away to spend time together etc. But this time convincing myself it would be different and it was a sign I had a second chance to do things 'properly'. 

I felt it coming to a head last weekend and knew I had some difficult conversations to have with GF/LTR about the future. G2 was then (and now) without saying it overtly, angling for GF status. (Though maybe she was just after sex and I overcomplicated things myself.)  However science was doing its thing in the background and turns out the fertility cycle did work and LTR is pregnant. Yet to be confirmed how far along but pretty far. 

Anyway, told G2 (obviously not impressed, and as a work colleague brings home the adage about shitting where you eat). Jury is out yet on what the impact will be. There has been some back and forth contact since. I guess I am somewhat lucky that if it was the inverse in terms of who was pregnant would be a big life upheaval I would have less control over. G2 has called me out a lot on lying to her and myself etc both 2years ago and now and what was I actually doing/thinking. 

So while I have always wanted kids my reaction wasn’t necessarily where it should be with such news.  I need to get my head around the reality. At the end of the day, maybe all it was was a mini work affair I blew completely out of proportion in my own head and didn’t handle very well. 

Like with stronglifts I have to go back to basics w GF/LTR. On plus side a lot of GF's stress has been alleviated, she felt like a failure as a woman etc. She will be a good mother. She OHS every day. I have also struggled with attraction to my GF when overly focussed on the other girl. Get turned immediately at thought of G2. Less so w GF.

The 2 in the kitty mentality was maybe useful though, but needs to be fostered that in some other ways. 

Goals  - contd

OYS #8

Beginning 17th Week:

40y, 6’0, 226lbs, 23% BF, married 20, kids: bunches and pregs

https://symmetricstrength.com/ (67)

• Back Squat: 305 lbs[Intermediate]
• Deadlift: 355 lbs[Intermediate]
• Bench Press: 260 lbs[Intermediate]
• Overhead Press: 170 lbs[Intermediate]

Sidebar: Gorilla, WISNIFG, MMSLP, NMMNG, Pook, Practical Fem Psych, Rational Male, MAP, Models

In Progress: Dozens of Sidebar, RP, and Non-Sidebar

​

Mission

Become the best man that I can be. To me this means becoming dominant, protective, achieving social mastery, and maximizing physical perfection and financial success. These have a lot specifics behind them. For example becoming protective, means developing conflict resolution skills, the ability to intimidate, and proficiency at combat, self-defense, and firearms. Social mastery involves developing wit, charm, persuasion skills, conversation skills, observation skills, the ability to read and connect with people, personal presence, public speaking, fashion sense, etc.

​

Physique

I have finally pushed through to intermediate lifting, and only 2 weeks from hitting Proficient on Bench and Overhead. I am shocked at my progress. I realized that I never really considered myself capable of doing something physically above average. Now instead of seeing a lost cause. I can see the way I will eventually look, walk and feel. Lifting is the number one thing on my list, and I aim to hit advanced lift targets within 1 year of starting. 35 weeks left to hit-> SQ420, DL480, BP315, OHP205.

​

Diet

After some bloodwork, I dropped my Keto diet which has been a big adjustment. My T was on the lower side of the range and my Free T was nonexistent. My SHBG levels were through the roof, which eliminates free T. After researching, it seemed clear that carbs are an essential in lowering SHBG. In a month or two I will pull another blood panel and note any changes.

​

Frame

I'm still learning what frame is, but I feel like I'm at least in a new chapter where I have sense of self. A few weeks ago, my wife got particularly disrespectful and I despaired a little on how to handle it. 20 Year MRP is way past the stage of vetting. Looking around for answers on how to establish boundaries and get your wife to respect them was utterly useless. Essentially, the internet's advice is to walk when somebody disrespects you. That is a Rambo, burn it down approach in turning around 20 year relationship where disrespect has been the norm. Somehow I stumbled across this jewel, and when I read it I felt like I was drinking from the holy grail:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how\_to\_build\_boundaries\_during\_your\_transition/

​

My Transition

I'm in a new chapter of becoming a man (in my slow transitioning from utter and abject faggotry). I made all of the quick changes I could and now I am in the long game. I've got a list of hundreds of things I need to improve about myself and some of them are radical changes, but none are instant. Instead I am working lists of tiny incremental changes… implement, internalize, practice, experiment, repeat. Over time, with constant practice, tiny continual improvements, repetition and diligence I'll realize I've leveled up with some small thing I do better. Maybe I notice one day that I'm naturally walking with my shoulders back or breathing through my nose, or making eye contact and actually listening when I converse. At first it takes discipline, strategy, intention, tracking, and constant reminders, but over time it just becomes part of who I am. Little by little I am internalizing and becoming. A few days ago, my wife started to shrew me over some ancient fabricated grievance. I looked at her and calmly said, "Don't talk to me that way." Weeks prior I'd rehearsed how I'd respond to the next onslaught, but when it happened it just came out. I know it sounds like nothing to you, but for me it was like Reek talking back to his oppressor. The person I am now respects himself and expects other people to be respectful. He is capable of having a boundary, and defending it, like a nematode having grown itself a tiny skeletal spine. She flashed the smallest glint of shock, looked down, silenced herself and continued again, now speaking calmly. Something fundamental had shifted in the dynamic between us. Something was fundamentally different about me. The sniveling gimpish larva that would panic at her anger and grovel ineffectually for her approval was now a pupa, having begun his metamorphosis.

OYS #6: Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Program

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/

After a good run of regular, enthusiastic sex, my wife and I didn’t have sex for four days. I avoided showing butt hurt, but I was butt hurt. C’mon... I’ve lifted. I look good. I tracked her cycle. I gamed. I initiated. I escalated. But still got firm nos.

Now there are definitely ways I could have done all of the above better. But I noticed myself thinking things like “my SMV just isn't high enough yet” and “I just need 10 more pounds of muscle” and “I need to get out of the house more to up the passive dread” and “she is an alpha widow after all.” And obsessing about it.

I even wrote up faggoty askMRP-style blow-by-blow of one of the nights that I was going to include here in my OYS. But I re-read it and deleted it after I realized I had left out the most important detail.

What came after each of these thoughts, like a whispering ghost, was “… and then she’ll fuck me when I want her to.” If I do X, she’ll do Y.

Dance, motherfucker, dance. You got covert contracts to fulfill.

I can act all MRP-alpha when my dick’s getting wet, but when it’s not, where’s my internal frame? My self-respect? My mission? I’m still LARPing the red pill. I think we need to add another type of captain to the taxonomy, the Fake Captain, who does just enough to make everyone think he has the ship under control and on course, but knows he’s really just a two-bit faker who watched a few Gilligan’s Island reruns and somehow conned a MaryAnne onto his boat before crashing it on some deserted atoll. You think she doesn’t see through your bullshit, especially now that there is a 6’ hole in the side of the boat? Examples:

• I haven’t told my wife I’ll be away one night a week for improv classes followed by dance lessons/social dancing in a nearby college town.
• I haven’t put together our new family budget and walked her through what she can and can’t spend.
• I’m still dicking around on askMRP reading stupid newbie questions when I haven’t finished Pook, or 48 Laws, or my planned re-read of NMMNG.
• I haven’t set up a regular time to go out and practice some of the great conversational/gaming techniques I’ve picked up. My mayor game is weak, too.
• I’m still on my back foot at work, despite people expecting me to be in the driver’s seat, including a new partnership that has the potential to become a healthy exit from my startup

Verba, non acta. My words are strong, but my actions still speak to fear of failure and shame.

I know some of this is holding myself to an impossibly perfect standard. But it’s my standard, damnit, and until I kill that validation whore voice whispering “and then she’ll fuck me” (and underneath that: “and then I’ll be finished/happy/loved/etc.”) I’m just a fucking dancing monkey. In this relationship and in life.

8/6/19 OYS #17 5’10 185 13%BF

Mission (Goals): Be Debt Free: Pay off student loans Single digit BF for summer: Vacation hurt this a little but not terribly. Back on the meal plan now that I’m home. Own household: Keeping shit tight, clean, and in control. Learn: Reading MAP and doing 31 DTM. Practice Alpha behaviors Be fun, loving, charismatic, and demonstrate leadership qualities. Greatly improved during vacation. Taking that momentum back home with me.

LIFTS: Didn’t lift anything for 3+ weeks but got back on the program yesterday. Still managed to walk 5+ miles a day while on vacay so I stayed lean but body is deflated.

WORK: Back at work now, getting back up to speed. I want a promotion so I’m exploring avenues of how to get one.

OYS: I don’t trust my wife. I don’t know if I ever will again. She’s LD (with me) and no amount of kino and play and abs is helping my cause. I got 31 DTM and starting reading it and something clicked inside me and while I’m certainly upset that I’m not getting laid, I can confidently say that getting laid is no longer my mission. I don’t trust my wife, but I trust my ability to focus on being mentally fit enough to walk away and be ok with it, something I couldn’t do a few months ago. I am my mission, for me, and no one else.

To this point though, I read the post today about the user with the LD wife, and the consensus that she was only LD for him. The PFS definition of an LD woman and her man who seems too preoccupied with sex is me. I knew I needed to back off the focus on sex, and I had been, but that post has made me realize I must mentally double down on being less sexual while I continue to try and build myself as someone worth being desired.

I started following a male grooming/style YouTube channel for help with my style. I didn’t realize how awful I was at grooming and style in general so I’ve been able to make some major changes in a short amount of time. I’m excited to continue to improve this part of me. I feel in order for me to believe in myself, I have to believe in how I look, and that means both physically and stylistically. The better my body, the more confident I am, and the more confident I am, the more I feel like I’m doing myself a disservice by not dressing well.

This style point was reinforced while on vacation. I dressed well during the day, but barely got any IOI’s. I thought the people there just didn’t like me. Well, I decided to dress up one night and everything changed. Long hard stares from gorgeous women. This emphasized to me how important good style is and how it can change the perception of a beautiful woman.

OYS #1 (kinda...have been on MRP and commenting since Feb on my main account. Realized that some anonymity was better since plugged in fools think we’re all Nazis or something so I created this account. If anyone really wants to see my post history I’ll PM you my main account, but I didn’t say anything too profound. Mostly went back and forth between faggy shit and Rambo shit. I was a paper tiger at best).

LIFTS (been babying my knee, especially with squats. Bench has always been my go to and it’s well ahead of the others)

39, married 12 years, W39, 2 kids 9and 5. Redpill since Feb 2019

5’9”, 235, 30% BF Back Squat 140 5 Deadlift 216 5 Bench 180 10 Overhead Press 95 5

I was BP SJW basically all my adult life, redpill awoke around Feb this year. Been consistently lifting since then and have lost around 30 lbs while adding muscle. I was a fat fuck. I AM a fat fuck, but miles ahead of where I was on my first Red Day.

I jumped in to RP with both feet, or so I thought, but I was clearly only doing this to get mommies approval. I was almost Bluer, in retrospect, in my early Red Days than ever before. I wanted so desperately to get the secrets of getting my wife’s pussy wet so I could start fucking more because I thought that would fix my life. I had read, over and over, that the purpose of RP was to fix your life and that getting more pussy wasn’t the goal. I never believed it. Recently, right around the beginning of June it finally all clicked. I don’t know why. I had read a thousand times that it’s about me not her, and when it finally clicked it wasn’t with an original thought, in fact every conscious thought that I “discovered” was something I had read on here before but never internalized. I had been trying to get in my wife pants all along, hoping that would make everything “okay”. The amount of fucking validation I was seeking from pussy was crazy. Without it I felt weak, unattractive, fat, dorky....but when I got it I felt strong, attractive, cool. I was of course all those things (fat, unattractive etc) but somehow the once/month or so I got laid I felt vindicated, like I was doing things right. Like I said, around the beginning of June I figured out how fucking unhealthy and retarded I was being and I set out to improve myself, not for pussy, but for me. I would make myself “okay” and seek the validation I was getting from pussy elsewhere, the gym, work, my own interests. It was like a magic switch had been flicked. I stopped initiating sex, at least most of the time. I know that we preach initiating, but I wasn’t butthurt, I was distracted. I was focusing on me. I was going to bed before my wife and waking up before her, and although I continued to use Game I didn’t really initiate. Anyway, the strangest fucking thing happened. She started waking me up for sex when she came to bed. Or initiating it earlier in the day. The less I chased her the more she chased me. Her attitude became much more pleasant, in general, although she is still prone to bitchiness at times. While before this switch I couldn’t identify a shit test, let alone pass one, I immediately started seeing her bitchiness in a new light. I wouldn’t respond like a whining little bitch, I stopped DEERING, usually I kiss her on the forehead and go back to what I was doing. She will look at me confused and then walk away. Speaking of going back to what I was doing, it’s a lot of the same shit I use to do...washing dishes, picking up clothes, watering plants and keeping the yard in order. But before, I would sit on the couch for hours and then do the dishes or something in an attempt to buy sex. The old covert contract. This never worked. Now I am running around the house lifting, cleaning, cooking etc - but not for her. Because I have shit to do and things need to get done. Before if I did the dishes and asked her to do something else she would tell me to fuck off. Now when I’m doing shit around the house she asks me what she can do to help.

I guess this whole long post can be considered validation seeking, so I’ll go into the negatives...

I’m still fat. I’ve been doing Keto for about a month now and started running a few times a week. I’ve been stuck around the mid 230’s for a while, but my pants continue to feel looser so I’m doing something right. I do have a lot of fat to loose before I get close to being attractive, and this is my main focus.

I am getting better at disciplining the kids, but I am still too soft on them. They are disrespectful at times and I need to put my foot down and draw the line, I’m sometimes too tired (bad excuse) and don’t act like a man. I need to get better.

Work has suffered since I went RP, I have been distracted, but since June I’m back giving 100% and trying to increase my income. Luckily I’m in sales and can have a huge impact on my income, and luckily despite my slacking this year will be the most I have ever made.

I look at some of the recent posts by vets who are further in their process and I finally feel I can get there. I have at least a year to go. Probably 2 if I’m being honest. But my sights are set on the end goal.

OYS 1

Stats

Age: 63 Ht 5'11" Wt 163 BF ? (visible six pack, muscle definition) Wife 65 Married (legally) 43 yr together 46 yr

re-Reading: NMMNG

Read: MMSLP WISNIFG MAP BoP SGM TRM

Physical: Spent 2018 going thru Jeff Cavaliere's 3-month "Max Size" program (4 times). Then on New Year's eve I tore my right triceps off. Between waiting for surgery, in a cast and a brace, was out for 5 months. Bad news: right arm and supporting muscles (pecs/lats etc) completely withered away. Good news: by comparing to my "weak" left arm I was able to see how much progress I had made in a year. I've been told a 25 yr old with this injury should expect a year before getting back to ground zero. So my goal is to get back to looking like something reasonable by February 2020 in time for a trip to Maui.

Relationship: [background] Virgins when we met, each other's first. She wanted a "girlfriend ring", engagement ring, get married, have kids, but all the time kept flirting with other guys. I believed "who wants an ugly wife whom no one is attracted to". With me she was always "low sex drive". Seven years in she officially has an affair; we stay together "for the kids". 36 years in the wilderness follow including over a year where she couldn't even bring herself to touch me.

Now? Different universe. I travel for work and am only home three days. Mornings and evenings, she cums 12 - 20 times during that span, usually after initiating. (before: she would often not cum at all) New things like CIM BJ (before: no way not even wearing a condom). Sex is great these days. No reason to complain, right?

But. She drops odd "compliments" like "for the first time in my life I think I'm in love with you". or, after giving her an oral climax she says "no one has ever done that before". Or when trying to get her to talk dirty she says "I don't compare [dick sizes]". All which I take to mean there were others besides the one I know of before or since.

Then she "let slip" that it wasn't a one-time fling 36 years ago. It continued after we had been to counseling, recommitted to our marriage, etc. In fact, she had begged the guy to marry her but (being smarter than me) he turned her down. That's why she acted like an alpha widow all these years. Thus the "legally" qualifier on the marriage duration above. Classic failed branch swing - she mentally divorced me to marry him.

To her it's (supposedly) long forgotten. While it is "new" to me due to the recency of revelation, she's moved on and doesn't want to talk about it. I realize I should not want her re-thinking why she chose him. But it eats away.

If pressed she still claims how noble and pure he was, how he loved her for herself "without wanting sex" (though all they did together was fuck). How he selflessly gave up his true love for her so as to not break up her marriage. You can see I'm in a bad place about this, reliving all the pain I had when I first found out, plus anger at 36 years of being lied to, etc.

Goal: Abundance Mindset. I took to heart the idea that I need at least a month of recovery for every year of the bad relationship - so four years to start. Year one (2018) was focusing on just getting my SMV up, but I'm resetting that clock due to my surgery.

FWIW I am seeing lots more looks my way. Women saying "hi" when waiting for the plane to board. One who gave me her number and wanted to get dinner. Waitress complements me on my beard. TSA agent says I look better than my picture. I'm trying to learn how to spontaneously chat (I have no clue/experience with "flirting") at least conversationally.

My plan is to then use my raised SMV to open opportunities for interactions with more women, learn/fail repeatedly how to take advantage of those opportunities and retrain my amygdala out of its oneitis. I'm nowhere near being able to "dread" even a mouse, have no frame, and am the most pathetic beta cuckold you've ever seen here.

I expect I'll continue to revisit the anger phase, drown myself in pain, and pretend to win all those imaginary arguments with "mommy" in my head - for at least the next three to four years. Meanwhile I will take advantage of the better way I'm treated at home, for as long as it lasts.

OYS#4

Age: 49 Wife 49. Married 19 years, 2 kids 16 and 9. 5'7" 162 23%BF. Bench 115 lb5x5, Bicep curls 25 lb, military press 65. Have bilateral hip impingement but added in modified squats at 65 pounds just to start. Pretty easy but we will see how hips deal with it before I add weight. Barbell row 85 lbs.

Have not lifted in 25 years and scheduled a T test.

--reading

No new readings as I was away in Italy for 10 days. Kept up with sidebar and this board though. Started WISNIFG as soon as I got home.

--STFU and Feels

doing pretty good on STFU. One incident made me realize how and why it works. In Italy, looong travel day, everyone tired and cranky. Wife bitching about me getting curt with her and silent treatment begins. I STFU. Shortly after that we board a really crowded bus. And she and my daughter and getting bounced around and something happens to make both of them laugh.

Suddenly her feels are different. And the whole incident blows over.

Luck and external events can interject to change her feels before she even gets to me. If I didn't STFU then the opportunity luck played to change her feelz would not have arisen.

Also this: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ckekzo/shit_testdid_i_pass

--Frame:

U/simbarlion suggested this as my endgame for dealing with my wife's inability to lose weight:

"End game is to be enough of a man that I will have options regardless of if she will stick with a diet plan and lose weight. If she slims down she gets first chance at keeping the prize"

Said better than I did, and that is going to be the goal.

Frame is improving. Reading this every morning and it helps as a daily reset and for motivation:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6x3uwc/new_to_mrp_starting_to_understand_the_concepts/dmcyrp5/

It definitely helps is maintaining frame and OI, at least so far.

--Laying it all out in faggy fashion

I have been a shitty husband and maybe I deserve where I am.

19 years married. I have had two chances for affairs. One definitely an emotional affair that I think about virtually every day. Complete opposite if my wife in every way and bombshell body. I could have landed her if I weren't married.

Wife found out about both. Never actually fucked the emotional one but the other I did. Pure sex, I was disgusted by wife's weight and acted on it. But didn't have the courage to leave and go. Told myself it was because of the kids.

Very easy justification for anyone.

I drink. Haven't gone a day without since my dad died. Was going through a 750ml bottle every three days. Still have two or three drinks every night. Therapy done and every day is a fight with myself. Therapist is ok with amounts. Happy to fill in more details if anyone cares.

Why the hell should I expect my wife to lose weight when I am such a shit? I think this every day too.

I am angry. Red pill anger. 49 years wasted on the ideas of BP...it only I do x things will change. I should be more supportive. Blah blah blah.

Wife has money. So I am the woman in this relationship- sticking with someone I don't want, grinding out every day. I make plenty of money to go my own way but she paid my loans off when we first got married. Her dad has a tony summer house we can and do use. I am the gold digger woman who takes resources?

I guess I am.

Maybe I deserve it? I chose to stay with an unattractive fat wife because of kids and resources. She forgave two transgressions and I am still unhappy. And it's my fault she stayed fat since who would waste such great effort to lose 75 lbs for me?

So I am a piece of shit. But MRP made me see what the fuck I was doing and why I was, and still am l, for now, a shit.

This is why I haven't cut the cord yet. And my plan before MRP was wait two years until my oldest is 18 to cut child support, since she quit working years ago for my shitty self.

--Goals:

STICK WITH THE PROGRAM. Lifted the day after I got home, back on my diet. 1700 calories per day. Keep reading, keep up STFU.

Need to lower my anger at myself for wasting so much time on BP beta nonsense. Every day is a fight and my mind is ready for it, and I am resetting each day.

found MRP Nov 2018

4 kids, 2 in house. married to a SAHM. married 27ish years

​

51 yrs old. 175lbs 5'10". visible 4pack on flex. lifts are for maintenance while as my back/shoulders have been healing. bench 160x8 OHP 95x7 BS 215x10 DL 225x10 DBRow 75x10. doing 4 sets each of these 3x/wk plus accessory work with extra attention to shoulder and back. I know my T levels are on the lower side, but am hesitant to pursue getting pharmaceuticals. Giving it a year (3 months left) of natural efforts before retesting and making a decision about that.

​

I'm doing very well on a day-to-day basis. Passing many shit/comfort tests, bringing fun into the house, getting shit done, leading by example, recent updates to wardrobes, game almost daily, getting IOIs, chatting it up in public, feeling abundance, outcome independent mostly.... sex is marginally more than prior to MRP, but validation is needs are negligible at this point. Finances are stable, but still weak. I shop and do all the cooking. Superficially, I'd like to think I'm doing great, but there are areas I haven't progressed at all.

​

My challenges are getting to the deeper parts of the relationship I need to see change happen:

-We still cannot discuss finances without shit breaking down and me needing to STFU and getting out of the house.

-I have not been able to get her to get a job.

-We have a neighbor who wants to buy some of the land we have listed, but I cannot get her to agree with me on price (she wants way more than a comp, and less acreage than reasonable).

-She talks of wanting a new house, I just smile and nod, and say something along the lines of "that's nice" instead of the words going through my head "I'll never get a new house with you until you clean up after your damn pets and get 90% of the piles of clutter out of the house. We are years, if ever, away from me making that type of commitment with you."

-She still has two credit cards I cannot find out anything about, I pay the minimums each month, and they are creeping up again, she hides the details from me. I know I co-signed them years ago, and I don't want them to go unpaid and affect my credit, so I pay the minimums and tell her it's coming out of our food budget. This sucks because I like my food, but I only put the budgeted amount in the account each week. This response is harder on me than it is her.

-There's more, but this gives a good flavor of the issue.

​

I get close to going rambo over these things and the anger/frustration just starts to boil. Yes, I could pull an ultimatum "here's the papers, my way or highway", but we are 6-8 months away from the 'one month for every year of marriage', I justify my avoidance of confrontation of these issues with:

-I"m not there yet (she doesn't see a man worth following).

-STFU, lift, remove attention, AA and AM.

-I can only change me, I can't make her do anything, but the issues remain on the table.....

​

She will not bring these issues up. If I let be she will completely avoid them.

​

But somehow I feel I should be doing a lot more active leading, setting expectations, and getting some type of progress with all of this; that I am being the beta boy in not pushing the relationship towards my goals/MAP. I've read the posts "when to STFU, and when to talk", a lot of Jack 10, and referenced older posts you all put links to; but I don't find the catalyst or path forward. Any input appreciated.

OYS 13

RP 6 months

Age: 38 Wife 38. Together approx 20 years. 3 kids 10,8,6. Height 6’0’. Weight 85kg/187lb(+2lb). Bench 80kg/175lb x 8. OHP 40kg/88lb x 6.

Reading: Sidebar – everything with fresh eyes.

​

And…..things were going well, until they weren’t. And it laid bare my lack of true OI and emotional weakness- but I see it as a blessing in disguise.

A week of sickness led to a week of no sex, and a few rejections thrown in for good measure. By about day six, my true emotional weakness came out- and I started to get visibly angry at my wife. This led to a cascade of events where I excluded her from a few events in a butthurt way and we spend a few days ‘not talking’. It’s been many months since I’ve been like this, and I honestly thought I was past it. And when I reflected on why I felt that way, and why I acted that way – It was because I wasn’t getting enough progress out of my wife – until this week, although the affection is not there, at least I was getting the sex. When both are not there, I was lost –an entitlement mentality that I’m ‘owed’ this and it’s not ‘fair’ that I wasn’t getting it came out, which lead to my weak behaviour towards my wife . Yes u/man_in_the_world, you were right – my ego is tied to my RP progress with my wife and how she reacts to me. I wasnt truly convinced, but this lays it all bare.

I see this as a positive because I can learn from this. I’m allowed to make a mistake, as long as I learn the lesson. I truly see the true power of reset every day now – true reset. As soon as I lost that cocky fun guy to mr grumpy at my wife, I lost the ability to run my life with amused mastery, I started to DEER, I wanted to talk about my problems with the relationship to my wife – all that shit. It was a huge wakeup call and I thought that man was dead - . I even failed a shit test because I didn’t even realise it was a shit test because I was so up my arse in negativity. It was only a day or so, but it was enough…

But most importantly, I learnt that I don’t have anywhere near as much OI as I thought I did and it’s my number 1 priority to develop this characteristic – to be my own mental point of origin. I know, and see now, that I have to do this by completely getting out of my wifes head(or anyones) and truly focus on me. I understand the requirement for this now. This is going to take a while though….

Lifting/Kids/Career/Social – All on point right now.

OYS 1

Rambo reset

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cmba34/fr_hard_reset/

Was challenged to write an OYS and analyze how I fucked up this weekend so here goes.

My biggest fuck up by far was opening my stupid mouth. Why did I not STFU? Because I was proud of my noobie gains and wanted to flex In front of mommy. I put my foot down and said "I am the captain now!" She said "captain underpants!" And she proceeded to give the shit test of all shit tests. Divorce. She contacted a lawyer. Told all her friends.

I have a ton of work to do. I think where I was mentally was I had just learned how to walk but I still had a 20 mile hike ahead of me. Excited that I could walk with a knowing I could make the hike I declared victory. That's foolish. I need to finish the race before I declare anything.

So this next year I will actually implement what I've learned.

As an update we had a talk and she's forgiven me. The main thing she was upset about was my DNGAF attitude. I guess her hamster spun so hard it tried to make a run for it. I did not remove my DNGAF mindset. I will be leading us in marriage counseling using some materials that I found and after we do this we will decide if we need something more drastic like a retreat (compromise). I told her my goal is for us to both be independent individuals who would be fine if we divorced or more realistically if one of us died

I want her to develop DNGAF because I don't see the redpill as a way to manipulate. I see it as waking up to reality. And the reality is sometimes spouses die. Sometimes they leave. And we have to be strong enough to pick up the pieces and raise the kids. Married redpill is a sexual strategy. The entire purpose of sex is to reproduce so as to continue living so you could say redpill is a sexual, reproduction and life strategy. A life affirming strategy. Nietzsche woke me up to the idea of life affirming philosophy. Red pill is one of those philosophies and I'm glad I found this community.

OYS #7 (MRP since June 2019)

37, wife 33, married 4 years, together 9 years, 1 kid (2yo), another one on the way (3rd month of pregnancy).

​

Readings

Finished MMSLP.

I need something about getting her out of the mommy persona. Any recommendations?

​

Fitness

Before: 83kg - waist 89cm, hips 111cm

Now: 78.5kg - waist 81cm, hips 104cm.

Target: 75kg by mid-Sept (for a cycling trip in the mountains) and by YE being defo below 15% BF.

This is the area with visible progress. I am looking more toned. My knee sprain keep preventing me from doing cardio though. I will restart gentle cycling this weekend.

I have started counting calories seriously and spotted the areas where I can “save”. I am on 1750 calories a day which I am achieving over the week.

​

Relationship

There was a date night yesterday. I upped the drama in the morning by telling her that I wanted her to come only if she wanted to and that I wanted to have a great time. The plan was to tell her to let me know by 11am if it was a yes. I could not as she started a rant about how I messed it up for her, that it was a lot of pressure… I replied I wanted to have a good time and then I left the room.

However, the evening was enjoyable by recent standards. We laughed so much during the movie. Coming home, she asked me whether she behaved as I expected to which I said yes. In a few weeks, I would have added a sexual comment but nothing came to mind. We came home so late I fell asleep in 20s.

​

Tests

There was a comfort test recently with her telling me that our daughter’s behaviour pushed her to feel inadequate. I comforted her immediately telling her she was a great mother. Another one was her trying her maternity clothing - a lot is too tight, she did not shed enough weight from the first pregnancy. She said “You are going to say that it does not matter…” I replied: “as you said yourself before, each pregnancy is different on the body, so keep your clothes”. She seemed fine with it. Either way, I did not care.

This week, there was increased bitchiness.

It led me to wonder whether 1) I am just realising her behaviour or 2) this is a reaction to me changing.

I think a bit of both. I now STFU, leave the room or try A&A (more on it below). Once I nearly blurped: “let’s play a game where you do not criticise me for 1h?”. Thankfully I STFU before these unattractive words escaped my mouth.

​

Mindset

I never wrote about frame as I was not sure I got the concept. Now better. I understand that if I had it, I would not care about what people say to me. When she is a bitch, the negativity clouds my thinking. I cannot reply with something witty. I think about an answer after the moment.

So I am trying something new: I use the formula of my daughter when she is mildly annoyed “I am a bit cross Mum/Dad” and I tell my wife “Mum is a bit cross” when she is being a bitch. I will find a couple more and try to say them in a tone I would use for my kid. Or I’ll simply STFU.

This week I also started to remind her to say please when she asks for something. I just realised that she stopped saying please for anything she asks - like I am a servant. I am also refusing to help if her tone is not satisfactory - like this morning, I froze and she did the task herself. She has noticed and started to say please, sometimes by making a pause at the end of the sentence or a special intonation as a challenge. Or she does things by herself as I am not budging, ranting in her mouth. I do make sure I say please in the right tone all the time, to show the example.

​

Sex

None, shot down after initiations. Twice she even left the bedroom to “escape”. The second time she said she was too hot, taking my hand to her cleavage where there was a lot of sweat. Each time I said: “wow I have so much energy this morning, I am going to the gym / do some errands”.

Now, whenever I go to bed, I am thinking of a backup activity to do. I want to come across like: “I have lots to do but I am giving you an opportunity to have sex with me right now”. It will take some time to be perfected of course.

​

Touched out

Now there is this thing: she still breastfeeds our kid for comfort (like twice a day for 2-3 min). Increasingly she dislikes it and keeps saying how she does not like our kid touching her body when she breastfeeds (I hear her telling my daughter off regularly). There is a concept for that called being “touched out”. Yesterday, she sent me an article about it, how she needed to reconnect with her body. She even wrote she had body issues and did not feel comfortable about it. Also, she wrote she wanted to work on that. An illustration is this morning as I tried an idea from MMSLP (entering the shower to wash her back) and it backfired (“it is my time alone in the day and you come in bla bla bla…”). I stayed in anyway as she exited the shower.

Reading about it online made some sense. It is more acute for women breastfeeding and within our parenting style. One remedy is for the woman to initiate the touch and the sex. I’ll show her that article!

At that point, there are several take-aways. a) Rationalisation hamster for my lack of attractiveness/leadership, b) she has a proper touched out issue, c) comfort test, d) opportunity to lead.

I am working on b) c) and d) by telling her to read tips online about how to get out of it, that we will make a plan and I’ll help her execute.

This morning, I reminded her as she left the house to read up on the topic. She said she had no time today. I’ll remind her tonight.

OYS #27

Previous OYS | First OYS

Overview

Me: 33, 5'8", 197.2 lb, 25.9% BF. Wife: 34. Kids: 4M, 2F, 0M. Married 8 years, together 11.

Lifts (SL5x5): SQ 205 BP 140 ROW 110 OHP 95 DL 265.

Readings: NMMNG (x2), WINSIFG (x2), The Game, Pook, TRM, TRP Sidebar, MAP (x2), The Mystery Method, Bang, Day Bang, MMSLP (x2), TWOTSM, SGM, 48 Laws of Power, The Red Queen.

Body

Lifting

I still haven't been back to the gym since baby was born two and a half weeks ago. I have chosen to own shit around the house instead, catching up on deferred maintenance items and keeping the older two children out of my wife's hair while she focuses on baby.

I am planning to start up with lifting again once I return to work on Monday. Everyone, including me, will be back into their normal routines again at that point. Hopefully baby will no longer be day/night confused by then.

Diet

I used the adaptive TDEE 3.0 spreadsheet off /r/fitness to calculate my personal TDEE from my daily weighins and calories counts over the past ten weeks. It calculated a TDEE of 3265. This is almost certainly am overestimate because of my initial water weight loss from keto induction.

But it still gave me the confidence to increase my target by 250 to 1950. Hunger is fine for the most part, we'll see if the losses hold up.

Mind

Reading

I have been finishing up listening to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as I find time, it should be done by next week. I have also read all the new MRP and askMRP posts this week. Like I said last week, I'd like to comment on others' OYS posts to stay sharp if I can find the time.

Frame

Still feeling great and confident in my ability to own my shit. /u/Iammrp2's post on covert contracts had a great line about frame at the end:

This is the foundation of your Frame: "I have value."

Relationships

Wife

The shit tests went away this week as I hoped they would given my leadership.

Sex is off the table for the next few weeks while she recovers from childbirth but I had been hoping to get some non-PIV action. I've been gaming her and escalating but she has shot me down with uncharacteristic overt communication. She's not interested in doing anything sexual if she doesn't get anything out of it. Well then, I guess that lets me know where I stand. Still a long way to go.

Children

I'm getting the hang of this SAHD thing. It's not that hard once you get down to it. Lots of work, but none of it is very difficult.

I'll be back at work next week. The plan is to take my formal 8 weeks paternity leave at the end of the year. I'm trying to figure out how to shorten it without my wife losing it. I don't want to be home that long. My work is a big part of who I am and I truly enjoy it.

Friends

Nothing to report here. I'm holding off on dread level 3 until things settle down with new baby.

Career / Finances

Nothing to report here. I'm off of work for one more week.

Goals

• Correct lifting form
• Sort through junk still boxed from moving
• Find ways to save time
• Kill my inner beta
• Stop being lazy
• Figure out what I want out of life
• Push sexual boundaries and explore our fantasies

OYS #12 – 8/6/19

Background

38, married 16 years, 3 kids (all under 10), wife is 36 SAHM. Career beta, had starfish for a decade, swallowed the pill nearly 2 years ago.

Physical (since OYS 11, 5 months ago)

6’2”, 185 (-5), 13.1% BF (-1.1%), bench 265 (flat), squat 325 (-10), dead 405 (+10). I switched to wendler’s 5/3/1 BBB at the start of the year and dropped my max weights in line with the program. I’ve now worked my way back up (except for squats lagging from a knee injury) and I’m back on the verge of the 1,000 pound club.

I’ve been at maintenance calories all summer, pretty much eating whatever I want but being reasonable about it. I’m not satisfied with where I’m at. I liked hitting new milestones deadlifting, but I looked better (lower BF) last summer and I’m disappointed with that. I think I should always be either bulking or cutting, maintenance doesn’t feel like progress. Started a cut last weekend to 12% BF at 500 cal under TDEE.

Family/Career/Leadership

A few months into my new job and it’s going very well. I’ve got a plan to increase sales by 9 figures in a couple years. Pilot program in work right now should increase sales 7 figures this year, and pitching the plan to the VP tomorrow.

Great family fun during the summer, planned and executed an RV trip that was awesome even with mechanical troubles that I handled coolly. Took my oldest on an epic backpacking trip that built some character trekking to alpine lakes.

I’m still not very good at getting my FO’s input and she complains that she’s being left out of the planning and doesn’t have a voice in what I plan for the family. She’s got a point and I could do better at involving her, but I don’t want to backslide into beta days of asking for permission from mommy. I could use some input on how you gather your FO’s input while making sure you’re still steering the ship.

Relationship

I feel like I’m on a plateau and not making much progress. Things are good, but I want great. If I look back at when I started, I’m miles ahead. I’m living a happier, more fulfilled life, I’m doing things I want, and leading my family. I’m stronger and better in practically every way. Sex is not as frequent as I’d like and I’m still batting about .200, but the quality is much improved. I think the frequency is partially my fault. She used to offer starfish and I told her a year ago I’m fine with her saying no and I’m not interested in sex if she doesn’t want to be there and is just servicing me. I realize writing that out it was a boneheaded thing to say I’m not interested if she’s not interested because that frames my desire as dependent on her desire... which is responsive desire. It’s all backwards.

I’m pretty good with Kino, but my game is not great. I need to work on that area and tease her and be playful more. She’ll regularly see me coming to give her a hug or kiss and see it in my eye that I’m coming for her and she’ll say “don’t trap me” or something similar. I haven’t come up with any better AA/AM response than doubling down and chasing and tickling her and letting her go with a slap on the butt. More often I just ignore the comment. She’ll hop in the hot tub with me but say she doesn’t want to be touched because she doesn’t want it to lead anywhere. Other times she can keep her hands off me in the hot tub. In bed, I’ll start feeling her up and she’ll often say she just wants me to hold her and not move my hands. These are all in the same vein and are her most common responses. They’re obviously her way to pre-emptively say no to anything sexual. I’m not sure whether to treat them as shit tests then withdraw attention in line with DL4, or just ignore and carry on.

A year ago we were on the verge of divorce and we’d go a month at a time of her not wanting to be touched. Things are much better now and she doesn’t recoil at my touch, but a couple months ago, she went back to her old game of not wanting to be touched after I mentioned I wanted more frequency. I reset every morning knowing she was just playing her game and she kept saying she didn’t want to be touched until she had more assurances, then I’d tease her about it (let me know when my wife is back). A year ago I would have been all worried, but this go-round it was equal parts amusing and annoying, but not something to get concerned about. About a week in I stopped resetting and she accused me emotional affairs (no basis at all). It soon blew over and she was a loving wife again.

I guess I’ve got a covert contract that if I improve myself, she’ll follow along as the 1,000 foot rope tightens. I haven’t been improving much physically so I have myself to blame there. But more concerning is that maybe this is the mother of all covert contracts. Ultimately I’m doing this for myself, because it’s the man I want to be. But dang, it’d sure be much less messy down the road if she hops on board. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit I hope she does.

OYS 18

Background: age 29, married almost 2 years, together 4. Wife 33. Stepson 10 (dad not in picture). Discovered RP July 18. Only actually dove in about Oct. 18. NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, currently reading MMSLP and Book of Pook which I am oddly enjoying. Crushed sidebar top posts and check into MRP/TRP daily.

Physical: 6’1. Staying stagnant at 188. I’ve added more fats through a morning smoothie to see how I feel. I also took the week off from the gym and just crushed HIIT/crossfit/running workouts in my home gym. Squat 285 Bench 265 DL 375. Finally back to these numbers- but now with strict pain free form. Hoping the week off from the barbell will help too.

Frame: frame with the wife has been better this week. I’ve been able to say “no” to more things, handle her small shit tests and have been improving AA/AM. Work has been better too, I’ve been called an asshole a few times by the women I work with. The one struggle has been to recognize my accomplishments and growth. I’m a strong frame having mother fucker and it shows.

Relationship: still struggling with being in love with my wife. While I struggle with deciding if I want to continue this with her, it comes out as me being a boring asshole sometimes when I’m with her. I know this just means I need to get out more and do other things without her. I’ve been focusing on owing my shit in the yard, working in the garage on woodworking stuff, sitting in the backyard reading, etc. but I think I’m missing the social aspect from other men. I desperately need to find a social hobby. The gym is great but it’s only an hour out of my day.

Was hit with a small bombshell yesterday when I found out that my wife talks about my stepson’s dad to him. It was my impression that we were to never speak of her ex ever and that the door was completely shut on that one for my stepson since he left when he was only 6mo old. I wouldn’t have signed up for this without me being the father for the kid. So I’m going to have to figure out where this places me and if I want to deal with possible further bullshit down the road.

So if you haven’t caught on already, I’m ready to fucking leave. I am completely owning my shit. I am kicking ass at my goals and have a vision for my future. I no longer put things off or let people walk over me like a nice guy. My relationship with my parents, family and friends have never been stronger. I’m back to the free, fun, asshole I used to be. BUT now I’m not sure if my wife is who I want to take this journey with anymore.
Stay plan is the same as the go plan.

Work and Finances: still being groomed for a promotion. Two of my bosses sat in on a presentation I did yesterday and they said I did a great job. Just contributing and working hard daily. Been spending more that we should for our budget. Between going out with friends(good thing) and buying shit for the house, plus a few unforeseen expenses. I need to wrap this up tighter in the coming months.

Sex: sex has been steady still. 2-3 times a week, which is good for me right now. Last week we had morning sex and sex with some lights on, so last night she went and turned the lights off mid-BJ. “I’m sorry, don’t be mad I turned them off” as she proceeded to climb on top. This has been a huge struggle for me. I’m a fucking visual male. I want to see some titties bouncing. All this means is that I have to get fitter and sexier where she’s begging to keep the lights on.

GOALS 1. Get a social hobby, or atleast hit up a brewery solo every once in a while. 2. Keep grinding at work/ find a new big project to help show my worth for the promotion. 3. Stay plan is same as the go plan- but start to honestly look into what a go plan would be. 4. Start running to get back on track of losing weight.

[deleted]

OYS #8

Stats: 6’4” 198, BF 14%, 35, no kids, together for 14 years total, married for 4.

Lifting/Health/etc.: B+

Back up to or at new bests 5 rep working sets at OHP 170, bench 245, lat pulls at body weight + 60, 295 squat, 320 DL. These are all moving up next week as well.

I don’t want get ahead of myself but have started looking to move off Madcow at year end to change things up. Maybe a Reg Park or Ice Cream program. I dropped in on a BJJ/striking gym to see what they are about, still looking for the right one to join. Need to figure out how to work in two sessions a week which will be tough with my schedule without dropping something else. Also started seeing the outlines of my 7th & 8th abs even though my BF % is too high to have a proper 8 pack. Continuing my lean bulk and need to decide how far to go do n on my next cut. Do you all cut to minus 10% BF or stop around there?

Game: C-

IOIs are up and received a couple invites for doing things. Just kept it to catch and release or skipped meeting up on all but one, to play some coed team sports. This one had my wife’s dread firing up given who the invite was from (has previously expressed overt interest in front of our whole friend group before knowing I am married).

Shark week is ending and there hasn’t been a chance to initiate since. Plan to day game/kino this weekend and see if the wedding we are going to gets her fired up or if I am back in a rejection streak. Going to enjoy myself at the wedding regardless of what she does, if she isn’t engaging with me I’m sure some other women will be.

Leading/Frame: A- for good improvement but objectively, still far from where I want to be

No longer dropping into her frame but pulling her into mine is still a lot of work. I’ve realized her frame, mostly a reflection of how I was, is fucking depressing. Always bitchy, thinks everything sucks even though on paper she has all the reasons to be happy, etc.

I have just taken care of house projects over the past five years as she slowly stopped helping with anything beyond the occasional cleaning. She never cooks, does her own laundry but just pulls mine out of the dryer and throws it in a pile versus folding it, and never does any sort of maintenance type work. This past weekend I told her I wanted her help with a bunch of landscaping work. She complained a lot while doing it, but ultimately seemed to enjoy it. She has started submitting to decisions and asks for permission for certain things. Personally I’d like it if she consulted me on decisions versus “asking for permission” (those words just make it seem a little weird to me).

[deleted]

OYS #6

Stats: 35, 6'2", 215-217, 11-20%bf (depending on what you ask), married 10yrs, together 16. Three kids 1,5,7. Bench: 260, Dead:320, Squat: Mid 200s?, Press: 200. MMA 3-4X/week. 

Read: NMMG, MMSLP, Book of pook, Sidebar blogs/top posts, TWOTSM, 48 laws of power, Mindful attraction plan, guide to the good life. WISNIFG

In progress: Models, extreme ownership

One step forward, two steps back. I had a fucked up last few days. My mood and energy levels all tanked at the end of the week. I spiraled out. Lost my frame all over the place, got pissy and defensive about really, really stupid shit. Cue insecurities, validation. Not as bad as in the past, but it wasn't pretty. Developed resentment for my wife when she doesn't deserve it - I'm fully aware I'm the problem here. She's such a mirror for my energy it's ridiculous. 

The whole thing started one afternoon while I was sitting in a glider with the youngest. She was in/out of sleep and I wanted her to nap longer. I was listening to the Models audiobook and he was talking about neediness. Wife is out back to school shopping with one of the kids, while I chill at the house with the other two. This was intentional. Had a long training session earlier in the day and we had something planned that night. I'm tied in/out of sleeping and dozing myself. Then I wake up and think "where the hell is she? I'm ready to get out of this house" and in no time flat my own hamster started going ape shit about how I was being needy then and in the past. I start to get down on myself when listening to the audiobook talk about the needy guys that suck. And I slipped into anger mode. It was rare and annoying. I calmed down some but there was a dark cloud of anxiety and quasi anger over me the rest of the night. Shit ends up decent - she's anxious about a handful of things, leads me upstairs and into "comfort" sex (probably the best way to describe it). It was cool. Not my preferred flavor, but it was nice and I hadn't set the tone then or earlier for anything different.

Next morning, I'm up way too fucking early and my brain starts rattling off/victim puking about how sex "always" seems to be on her terms  and it wasn't what I wanted. It was stupid. I journaled a bit, read some stuff and thought I had it all sorted. Then, one moment I pick her up, put her on the counter, she's feeling on my dick telling me how big it feels and talking about "last night". Five minutes later I shot myself in that same big dick because I'm in my head about some dumb shit or maybe nothing at all. It was so inconsequential it doesn't even matter. I'd killed my own vibes. I felt flat and shitty. The rest of the day it carried on like that. Twice I dragged myself into the mud and pulled myself out. By the third time, when I really should have shut the fuck up, slapped her on the ass and gone to bed, it got real fun. I started running my mouth again about wanting sex. She said "I feel like if we don't have sex it's a bad/night/day/whatever for you" - basically calling out my butthurt. I've been better about it lately generally, and haven't been getting rejected much (if at all in the recent weeks), but I think she's going based on a) track record OR b) a sense the gets of my insistence or neediness when it comes to it OR c) saw that I was being needy that night and I was pushing for sex. I said "what's wrong with my wanting sex all the time?" Her reply: "Nothing, but if it doesn't happen when or how you like it turns into a thing,"

Now, I know. Frame, DEERing, the whole thing. But fuck. She saw right through my bullshit and she called me out. So I’ll try to learn everything I can from it.

The situation was not ideal. I know what I did wrong - WHY I did it is another thing. I don't know exactly why I felt like shit, but I have some ideas. I've come away from this shitstorm with the following observations: 

• Based on the in/out/up/down of my mood and energy levels, there has to be a physical component to this as well. My sleep still sucks. I think I'm burning myself out with hard workouts/mma training/9-5 work intensity/side gig work intensity. 

• I go hard all week. Then on the weekends when time slows down, I can get idle hands when I'm planning to treat myself to relaxing. I need to do a better job of planning the weekends out when there are no activities on the calendar. When I go from 100 to 0, it fucks with me and my brain can't shift into low gear like that.

• I'm frequently pursuing sex from something other than genuine desire. There are days when I know I could use the physical release, but that's all. And others I "want" it just because it seems like I should. 

• I'm afraid of the rejection that may come. I give too many fucks about that and the validation that comes with it. Noticing this and owning it is a minor breakthrough for me. 

• My path is my own. These are all tools in the toolbox and I need to be careful to not use tools that are for a different guy on a different path or get my situation confused with his - good or bad. (shitty person for a wife, getting absolutely no sex, note getting the same "sex stuff", etc). Take a media diet if necessary. 

• similar to above, I'm playing with dynamite when I get anger-phased and paint wife with a bad brush. she's done nothing wrong. If anything, she's followed along my path better than I have...
• When it comes to the validation issues and fear, I need to conquer that. I briefly considered not initiating sex at all to "cleanse" myself of it all, but realized that was stupid and I needed to put in reps. So now my plan is to initiate a ridiculous amount. Expect that rejections may happen. Take them and move on. Because, what am I scared of? She's going to divorce me because I want to fuck? I don't even have to go tough guy on it because I know that's just not going to happen. 

Am I looking at any of this wrong?

OYS #3

35 Years old, 6', 203 lbs, married 3.5, together 5, kid is 2. Nine months into redpill.

Max Lifts: 185lb Squat, 265lb DL, 175lb BP, 175lb Clean, 105LB OHP

Health/Fitness Traveled for work last week so lifting was replaced with cardio. Got back this week and increased my deadlift 1RM by 65 lbs. Letting go of my fear of injury is and has been a process, but it's paying off and I love feeling physically stronger.

I was hoping that getting a new bed would alleviate the sleep issues for my wife and I, but the thing creaks like an old pirate ship and not for the reasons I'd like it to. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until well after 3am, and shortly after I bugged out to the guest room the wife woke up and pulled the mattress onto the floor to sleep there because it was more comfortable. It's annoying that something seemingly simple can be so difficult to troubleshoot, but this has to get fixed or our attitudes during the day are going to suffer, much less any shot at intimacy.

If you've ever been too tired to jerk off, then you understand where I'm at right now.

Relationship/Sex No sex for the past week and a half; truthfully I haven't put much focus or emphasis on it. I've done some kino and initiated every couple of days, but was met with a soft no each time. Seemed like the wife was trying to let me down easy, and is hesitant of what my reaction will be to the denials. I've been staying in a good mood and not sweating the rejection, it's really a symptom of the larger problem. I'm being needy, which is unattractive.

I broke frame the weekend before last amidst a combination of lack of sleep, needy wife, fussy toddler, and annoying in-laws and it brought me straight back to why I need MRP so badly. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. I can't blame the circumstances for a clear lack of willpower and composure. I need to be sharper about knowing when to retreat and regroup so I don't lose my shit.

Luckily last week I had two days of cross-country work travel, so I took the opportunity to focus on me and blew off steam at a nearby casino - I won some money at craps so I'm going to buy something nice for myself. I also took advantage of the flight time to do some sidebar reading.

Mindset Finished Rational Male. The biggest takeaway was that relationships are based on "genuine desire, mutual respect, a complimentary understanding of each other and love." It seems simple, but my marriage has ventured very far from those things. It's sad. She feels alone. So do I.

I'm in the same boat as u/LongRoad_518. All of the things he said in his post, I've done over the past eight months. Calling her out when she's acting like a bitch, throwing it in her face about the face that I can't control her feelings, and drawing boundaries with covert contracts. My wife has been begging for years - overtly - for me to speak to her more kindly. I've replaced being defensive and petulant with being cold and dismissive of her feelings, and all of this talking has made me a terrible listener. In doing all of this, I've been destroying my wife's frame.

We had a conversation last night to reset after some fighting first thing Monday morning. I've found it very difficult to find meaningful ways to show that I care for her, and I told her that. She asked me who I blamed for the dynamic in our marriage. I kept it brief to avoid talking about fight club, but I admitted that I blame myself for chasing validation from her and getting frustrated when it didn't work. I also owned the defensiveness and being so focused on her accountability that I wasn't sorting my own shit out. That was the first time I've told her any of that.

Toward the end I told her I was going to stop judging her and that I wanted her to commit to that as well. It's going to be tough to do, but I need her on board with tearing down the scoreboard and right now my most effective strategy is just being straight with her about it. Then following through with actions.

I went back to read u/HornsOfApathy's post on Transformation and Empathy and I'm going to use this as the Idiot's Guide to Basic Wife Maintenance for the next few months. I thought I needed to improve my seduction game, but I don't want to skip over fundamentals so that's going to have to wait. Any reading recommendations are appreciated.

Money/Career Owned up to a mistake at work, and during the conversation I realized my boss thought I was bullshitting him to minimize what happened. I was focusing on the fact that the error never made it to the customer, but I didn't realize how much my past DEERing impacted my work reputation. When I recognized it I said, "that was sloppy. I won't rush through deliverables moving forward" and that was that.

I've got a decent commission check coming in tomorrow and this is the first time that the wife hasn't come sniffing around to see how much she can spend. Her car needs new tires and mine needs an oil change (plus whatever maintenance the shop recommends) and we need to top up our savings. All of that is happening according to my timeline and my prioritization, and the wife is on board.

OYS Week 24

Stats - 47 years old. 6'3" 195 lbs. 20% bf. Wife 48, Married 9 years with 3 kids 8, 7 and 5.

Physical / Health - Deadlift 225. Bench 170. Squat 160. OP 120.

Books – I have read the following books and am re-reading NMMNG.

MMSLP – SMV. MAP. Captain and Officer. WISNIFG – Life being assertive versus not. Ration Male – Plate theory. Women’s core desire. The Unchained Man - Live your mission. The Game, Mystery Method, Venusian Arts Handbook - Attraction, Comfort and Seduction. *48 Laws of Power - just started.

• MAP – The action plan to improve.
• NMMNG – Fogging.

Mission - I will apply my relationship and leadership skills to improve social services organizations. I will always have enough money to maintain security for myself and kids.

Career – I’m 5 months into a new job with a higher salary. My wife and kids have just joined me in the new city after 4 months being separated during the week - which has been great and provides me the opportunity to keep working on the relationship.

Finances – I’ve paid off all debt except money I owe my mom. I should have that finished by the end of the year. I got hit this week with a $2600 MRI expense from six months ago for my knee, which sucks but I’ll take it in stride. The place I was renting wants to keep our entire $1700 deposit for damages (decals and bad TV mount on the walls that happened before I moved in) which I’m battling them over.

Sex - My wife and kids went back to visit the grandmas for 10 days and this is shark week, so no changes since last 3 weeks. She did give me a hand job Friday which is an improvement over past shark weeks. She still does not want me to kiss or touch her in a way that arouses her. No making out or touching anything. She says she is still mad at how I treated her in the beginning of the relationship 10 years ago. I was controlling about contacting other men and money issues. I think I was also a drunk captain for a long time and not in great shape.

Relationship - So we go to a block party Saturday and I meet a stunning woman we’ll call Carmen. She is a former college volleyball player in awesome shape, maybe in her early 30’s. I was sociable with her, didn’t really try to game her although didn’t shy away from talking with her either. My wife talked with her quite a bit and may go walking with her.

The next day my wife says “can I share something with you?” “I keep thinking Carmen will be your next wife. You have a lot in common and I can tell she likes you.”

I couldn’t tell if this was a comfort test, a shit test or something else. Is this dread or is this her wish? I treated it as a comfort test. I told her I’m not getting married again, and my goal is to stay with her. She said she just wants me to be happy. I deserve someone that wants to be intimate with me.

The next day I asked her if she told me that because she was concerned about Carmen or if she’s wanting me to be with someone else. She said if she was concerned or wanted me to be with someone else, we wouldn’t be together. She said she just says what she feels and that’s what she felt about Carmen.

How would you interpret this?

OI/Validation – I still struggle with this at home and work. I will work on the concept of frame this week.

Thanks for the feedback and tough love.

OYS #??

I thought I had already discovered how low I could fall, and in fairness to me I'm not exactly in my most unbiased state to judge these things, but right now it feels like I've found my baseline for how pathetic and disgusting I can feel. I am fool, gentlemen.

I've been on here before, you remember me? No? That's alright. I'll summarize my past false start. Basically was and probably still am a super blue pill to the extreme SJWish fagbag. Found MRP and the own your shit posts started breaking down my hatred for this subreddit. Started posting, discovered Dr. Peterson, lost friends, worldview began to crumble, rage filled the knowledge vacuum. It all felt like betrayal. You nerds told me to lift and stop being a faggot. So I did that (badly), read a few books, started applying some basic game principles.... and then my fragile ego hijacked me. I started getting laid. Alot. European girls. I was traveling every other weekend, sometimes alone, making friends I'd never made before, huge improvements... but I had no MAP. I attacked on too many fronts and some of them crumbled. I worked out hard with stronglifts for 6 months, but never got my eating on point so I just became a shredded skinny guy, got demotivated and stopped. I was swimming in sexual validation from girls way "hotter" than me, it all went to my head. I played the field for 6 months or so, lots of cute/hot and interesting girls but I was hesitant to commit to any relationships. Then I found her. My goddamn Spanish unicorn. Fuck me. The trap is set, and boy, it's like I never read a goddamn redpill thing in my life.

I don't want this to be about her so I'll keep it short and try to capture the essence of it. I started saying all the mushy shit that all guys say about their girls, I rationalized that it was okay that I was acting a bit blue pill because this girl isn't just the only girl showing me affection, this girl is REALLY special. She is truly sincere too. Maybe her best quality. I fell for her hard. She fell for me harder... for awhile. I asked her to be exclusive with me, then I got deployed and she broke up with me a couple days ago in a very graceful way. Very mature.

25 Years old and this is the first time I've ever felt legitimately heartbroken. I'm going through all the usual melodramatic bescumber that I see other pathetic guys go through. It is my reaction to these events that really drive my self-loathing. I could sense the shift when things started to slide, I knew how unrealistic making it through 6 months of separation was... but I naively felt that we were better. I allowed myself to developed oneitis. I could recognize the process but I knew she was "different" so it was okay. Now look at me. I am heartsick. Somewhere along the line my vision of the future started including her face in it, now it’s all muddled. 7 month relationship has this effect on me? Disgusting. Shameful. This isn’t who I want to be.

I have to start over. I am hilariously immaturely depressed right now, but even I know the past year wasn't a waste. I am different from the pit that I started in. The biggest problem is that all my usual coping mechanism are disarmed... there's nothing to do out here. No other girls to fuck to get me over her, no BJJ clubs, no boxing, no cities or travel... no distractions. Just me and my thoughts. A blessing that currently manifests as a curse probably.

I've got 6 months out here with nothing to do but focus on myself. With a ludicrous amount of free time, because I've become very efficient at my job and got deployed with the army... which does things really inefficiently. I can do my workload in about 3 hours. We work 12 hours. That's 9 hours at my computer that I can do whatever I want, school, kindle cloud for reading, eating, meditating, anything. I can't allow myself to sit around moping about my imaginary unicorn. That's all I want to do though, which is why I'm back here. Even If found another quality girl I'd just squander it anyway.

So my goal areas...

• Lifting: I've restarted stronglifts when I got here 2 weeks ago. I'm back to light weight but unlike last time my form came back very quickly. My form feels good and stable, I'm not trying to do ass to grass squats anymore, just breaking parallel. I found out last time that I'm too tall and don't have the flexibility to pull off ass to grass at higher weights. I'm moving up 10 lbs per workout till it gets heavy again.

• Sleep: I have no excuses not get GOOD sleep. There is no difference between me sitting in bed reading and watching youtube, and me doing the EXACT same thing at work in the morning. There is no longer a discernable difference between the office and my room. There is no home to go back to. Everyone just sits in the office well past office hours anyway... there's no rush to get anywhere. So I'll be sleeping 8 to 9 hours every night. I hope to see an increase in appetite and much better gains. My sleep was BUNKUM last time.

• Diet: Easily the thing I'll struggle with most. No excuses here either though. Defac prepares all meals, it's 5 minutes walk away... There is no reason to miss a meal, none at all. Yet I'm so lethargic right now that I just have 0 hunger, I push the food around... weak shit. This is going to be my biggest barrier. I think I'll have to institute a time limit. Sit down with breakfast, pick up the fork, and start eating without putting it down for a solid 5 to 10 minutes. No stopping or dicking around with other things. Just eat until the gagging starts. Any advice here would be welcome. I need these calories goddamnit.

• Reading: Starting from the top. Let's go through this sidebar. I'm a little worried I'm not in the best environment to apply game stuff but, oh well. Again I've got all the time in the world for this. I chewed through 3 Andrzej Sapkowski books in the two weeks I've been here. I'll alternate between pleasure reading and sidebar material. I should easily get through the sidebar once if not twice before my time here is up. Reading is how I mainly pass the time right now.

• Social: I worry that I'll go back to being super introverted here. I'm Air Force in a sea of Army and they're all way more rank conscious than the Worlds Greatest Air Force is. Plus my job in the army is locked only to much higher ranks, whereas I'm lower on the food chain. Still I need to make some friends. The good news is everyone is just as fucking bored as everyone else. People do all sorts of nonsense that NO ONE would do at home... like playing Risk the board game for 5 hours.

Those are my big 5 priorities that I think I should focus on in the next 5 months. Maybe also career… but I need to figure out whether or not I should stay in the air force/commission/promote to civilian. I know I didn't set out anything quantifiable or measureable yet, I'm just conceptualizing things right now. Next OYS I'll get some numbers on things, and make some shorter term goals.

I'm so goddamn sad boys. I picked up just enough tools to display enough alpha characteristics to scam my way into bed with girls, but underneath it was still all built on mud and quicksand. Nothing to back it up, and it all falls apart when put under prolonged investigation. It's still infinitely better than how I was last year but....the fact that I'm being affected this much is just unacceptable. My frame does not exist. Abundance does not exist. I'm not an Oak. I'm a paper bag on a windy day being chased by a hobo looking for a place to shit. I never want to feel this pathetic again. I want to be a conqueror goddamnit. I'm going to have to accept the fact that there are no shortcuts, especially not for the lower IQ portion of the population I belong to. So hard brutal work with a side of discipline that I've spent my life avoiding is the only way forward. I figured that out last time but still tried to shortcut it. Keep me honest, you cunts.

OYS 15

35, 5’9”, 187 lbs, 18% BF, Married 6 years, together 10, just one little one

Current Lifts: Bench – 170 x 5, Squat-202.5 x 5, Overhead Press-107.5 x 5, Deadlift – 260 x 5, Bent over Row – 147.5 x 5

The Story So Far

Same song, different week. I do have to say, the ADHD meds are pretty awesome. It's like my mind I went from being a raging brush fire to a butane torch.

Building Habits

Nothing new to report here except things are going well. Just need to keep working at it and not get lazy.

My Health

Taking a few days off from lifting since my right shoulder got worse. I do not think its too serious, I think it just needs some time to rest. This down time is giving me an opportunity to revisit Starting Strength to see how I can improve my form of my bench and overhead press, so hopefully I can start making progress on those when I start back up in the next few days.

Diet is back on track too so not much to say here, just need to continue to fight complacency. Goal is still to be down to 167 by the end of 2019. I am going to do it.

My Frame

I am my own worst enemy and I continue to struggle with staying composed when things get stressful. I noticed that when I am stressed my ability to focus goes out the window, I get bitchy, confidence in my decisions drops, and it takes me a surprisingly long time to de-stress once I get wound up. It is pretty hard to be the oak when strong winds can uproot you. On the plus side, when stress is not getting to me things like amused mastery, and agree and amplify are becoming second nature. It is also becoming significantly easier to not give a fuck. I guess stress is just highlighting how weak I am mentally/emotionally and I need need to do better. So what am I going to do about it? I already take time to try to collect myself while stressed, but I think a root cause of the problem is a lack of confidence in myself. I think I just need to remind myself that I will get through it, I have managed to overcome shit before, the shit stressing me out is not special, and even if everything goes wrong, I will endure.

Closing Thoughts

I have come to the realization that I do not want to be an average guy anymore. Some part of me always thought that average, or slightly better than average was good enough. Well, not anymore. Fuck average, and fuck slightly better than average. That shit is such a low bar it should not even be considered a metric. I was out at a large gathering over the weekend watching the crowds and saw nothing but obese men wandering around aimlessly while stuffing their faces with shit. It was even more shocking to see so many of them following their wives around like they are fucking children. Hell, most of them were even dressed like children. It was odd, every time i looked around I experienced a mix of anger, disgust, and bewilderment. I was angry because I saw myself in those men, and was reminded of why I need to do better. Disgust because past generations built this world with determination, blood, and sweat, and here we are milling about like a bunch of useless lemmings. And finally, bewilderment at the fact society is ok with men being like this. I know I am no place to judge, but fuck, what ever happened to standards?

[deleted]

OYS #17

BACKGROUND: 39, 6' 2" 192 lbs, BF 14% (navy). (RPT 6/8/10, 1x6 set weights listed): SQ 265 , DL 305, BP 215, OHP 147, BR 165. RP 22 months. Kids 10, 12. Wife 41, together 15 years.

Wife continues to suck and swallow my dick on demand. It's still not pure passion from her but she enjoys pleasing me (and the sense of security it brings her).

i've realized plausable deniability is an important part of getting her to the next sexual level. in the past, any good sex we've had as basically had this characteristic. D/s also offers this dynamic for her. Based on some back and forth with u/hornsofapathy, I think this path could resolve the issues I have with our current sex life (lacking passion).

She has also continued to be way more pleasent around the house, far more communicative and a way better team member. Despite this, I still feel I love her but am not in love with her anymore. It still sucks because I liked those feelings. Kind of like craving the steak in the matrix after you've been unplugged. At the same time, unplugging has afforded me so much power, I can never wish to go back. Maybe there's a balance to still feel that type of love for a woman but in a different way - and once all my needs are being met.

The upside of these feelings is it's a great opportunity to try D/s. If it doesn't work, who cares? I've lost nothing. I'm even fine if it drives her away. No problem actually, the pull of how awesome I know single life would be is ever present. She can still feel it too. Despite heavy comfort from me, she can tell she is in a weaker position than ever before. That explains all the sex and good behavior.

Despite all that, this has not been the best week in terms of tangible progress. Things I did right:

1. Lifts are still going up while body weight remains the same. I'm staying on my current program until that changes.
2. Read another D/s book: Taken In Hand. It's better than Leading and Supporting Love IMO and got me closer to discussing D/s with my wife.
3. Lined myself up for a C-level promotion at work, possibly by year end.
4. I laid out the basics of how a D/s would work for me in my ideal world.

More on #4, I broke things down into categories and I how I expect each category to work. If all goes well, this will be part of the contract I use with my wife. If not, it will be used the next time I'm stupid enough to get into an LTR (i.e. when I'm 90 and need someone to wipe my ass):

• OVERALL - I will listen to her input, but I make all final decisions, which are to be fully supported regardless of outcome. Zero conflicts. When mistakes are made, I will look to myself for lack of leadership first. All interactions from me will be when I'm not angry, otherwise I won't engage until I have it under control.
• FINANCES - This is not in disarray but needs to be tightened up. I will control finances 100%, I will set the budget and she will manage her spending against it and report to me. We are already close to this today so not a huge change.
• HOUSE WORK - Ok, but lacking in some key areas. I'm making those areas known and putting her in a regimen to get them handled.
• MAINTENANCE SPANKINGS - To be done daily as schedules allow.
• SEX - Lots of points here, but the summary is we are moving from a sex life of "inclusion" to one of "exclusion". In other words, instead of permission seeking / talking about what we are going to do, we are setting hard limits for her then I have free reign within the rest. Also, I added it's OK to say no to sex if she's tired, sick, etc. It's an out for her but if D/s works, she won't need to abuse it. If D/s doesn't work, then I could put a picture of my ass in the contract instead and it wouldn't matter.
• PUNISHMENTS - Separate from sex and not part of rough play. Will happen asap when a rule is broken and I will always tell her why. She will be loved and cared for afterwards.

The main thing I did wrong this week is I allowed a long, drawn-out, faggot conversation with wife. It wasn't about sex, but it was "speaking openly" about an issue, which led to emotional triggers from her and lots of dead ends / wasted time. It frustrated me I was that stupid. I think after reading so much about D/s relationships this week, I almost felt like we already had one. None of that open communication shit works without the D/s framework - and even then I need to keep MRP best practices in place. Lesson learned... actually I already knew it. The real lesson is still: don't be a faggot. No real damage done, but still frustrated with myself for this one. That time could have been spent having her lick my ass.

I'm also not a fan of how slow progress has been of late, in the relationship and more so in me overall. Many parts of my life are unstable right now and it's not giving me much time to tighten any single area up sufficiently to move on. For next week, I'm going to try to have a singular focus: discuss D/s with wife.

OYS 41

Pretty simple one this week as it was uneventful.

Fitness

Going strong. So much further to go. I’m in the same cycle that I roll through. Push weight up as high as I can get it, refocus on technique, deload to compensate, push weight up as high as I can etc. On the refocus on technique phase at the moment, but haven’t had to deload to compensate which is nice.

While I’m happy at my progress, I have some doubts as to how far I can push it. I don’t know if I’ll ever deadlift double my bodyweight. I’m lifting 120kg 8-6x3 at the moment. My body weight is 95kg. Every single tiny increase in weight feels like it takes another 3 weeks to hit the rep requirements. I’d have to lift 190kg to deadlift double my bodyweight. That feels like it would be years away. We shall see.

 

Relationship

I had an awesome weekend. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason, but my attitude for life has changed. Did I do anything particularly interesting? No, but I still really enjoyed myself. As such, I had a lot of value to add to everything I did. Catching up with family? I’ll make sure you have a good time. Grocery shopping? I can make that interesting. Basketball? I might not be the best, but I’ll have a laugh at my expense.

It’s probably good timing. There have been some changes in my wife’s job that involve her having to take a significant step up. She’s taken this step once before, and it means less time at home, more time at work. Last time (prior to mrp), I was a little bitch boy about it because I didn’t get her attention anymore, so we fought a lot. This time, I’ve been adding some value rather than being enervating. It makes her life easier and she glows from it, but more importantly, I feel happier with myself because I can continue to pursue my own goals whilst actually being a useful husband at the same time.

OYS #13 8/5/19

First OYS on 3/12/19

Stats: 6’2”, 195lbs , 39 years old, wife 40, married 7 together 9, 2 kids. Lifts: 225 lbs bench is my 4 rep max (+10), 255lbs squat 2 rep max Read: Sidebar books++. Bodyfat: Calipers 8%.

Last 3 weeks: I consciously made the adjustment to monitor when I am about to initiate sex and to ask myself if I am initiating because I’m horny or because I’m seeking validation. If I determined that I wasn’t really horny I forced myself NOT to initiate.

In doing so and stopping myself a couple of times I wondered if maybe I don’t have as high a sex drive as I thought I did. Kind of messed with the identity I had in my head about myself.

My wife has responded by being her most sexual to me ever. Initiating like crazy, texting me that she’s horny, etc. The sex has been hotter, sluttier, etc., but especially more intimate. She’s really into it.

I am enjoying it of course but I also feel slightly detached. I am content, I guess? I don’t know, I’ve never even been remotely content before with anything so maybe that’s it. I still have the fire to own my shit and lift and not complain etc, but just detached in that I'm more relaxed. I'm sure it's good it just feels so strange cause it's a new feeling.

I feel like I come here to bitch about what’s not working too frequently, so I wanted to come here with an update on progress which I made largely from what I learned on this board. Thanks to those who have helped show the way towards becoming better.

OYS #6

Stats: 38, 6", 162 lbs (fasted), 10% bf, wife 38, married 13yrs, together 20. Two kids - 8 and 6 Lifts - Bench: 210, Deadlift: 325, Squat: 255, Press: 135.

Read: NMMG (x2), MMSLP, Book of Pook, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, Mindful Attraction Plan, Models, Day Bang, The Rational Male, The Rational Male: Preventive Medicine, Sixteen Commandments of Poon, The Unchained Man: The Alpha Male 2.0

In progress: Re-reading Models

Follow-up on last weeks discussion of stoic meditation: Last week I mentioned that I was meditating on stoic philosophy and specifically those portions that lent themselves to emphasizing how trivial our lives are in the grand scope of the universe. I have continued this practice and I find that it helps me with my ego and the need for validation. Unfortunately it is really hard for me to stay in this state. In fact, once I start thinking about how OI I am and how great I feel it starts to slip. When I am not thinking about it but in the moment living it I can maintain. My hope is that this is a beginner thing and that I will learn to stay in the moment and out of my head as I continue this practice.

Physical: Got my body fat tested via a hydrostatic test. I was just a shade below 10%. Now it is time for me to get lean bulking in earnest. My goal is 175-180 and sub 12%. I can do it just need to eat. I had my first session with my trainer, not surprisingly I did not have perfect form, I should have done this sooner and I consider it a small miracle I didn’t fuck myself up with the weights I was lifting prior. Plus the trainer has given me some exercises to get me past my lifting plateaus. Happy with this.

Finances: Received my wife’s breakdown of our finances and our yearly averages for particular categories. Some of our spending has gotten out of whack. I need to steer this ship back to some shared priorities. We intend to have a conversation about it this week. She is receptive to changes so I am not worried about this conversation.

Relationship: Sex 2x this week. Both in the last 2 days. Prior to that, I failed to initiate one night until she was already half asleep and was rejected. That was me just being a pussy. If she is reading I think I should wait (wouldn’t want to disturb reading time), then when she is done she is tired. This is stupid of course. How is she supposed to know that I am waiting while she is reading. I just need to be a man and inconvenience her and her reading.

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OYS Week 2

Stats: Age: 36; Height: 6’5”; Weight:207.6 (Bulking till end of month); BF: \~15% calipers Wife: 34, (together 15, married 10); Children: 3 and 6

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG, Book of Pook , MMSLP , MAP, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method, Models, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Day Bang, Practical Female Psychology

Physical / Health

Lifts (5x5 working weight) :

T-bar row:115 (not sure how to calculate tbar row since its not a true bar, so 115 is the plates at the end)

BP: 180 (found my grip was shit and hurting my wrist so hopefully can push this more)

DL: 180

OHP:100

SQ: 185

Just started TRT injections (was at 240 on back to back tests), can definitely feel a difference in my muscle recovery and energy. That first shot makes you feel like a god.

Relationship

Had a big blowup this week, I initiated knowing that it was the only day we could slot in sex before other things get in the way and I end up going 2 weeks without sex. She hard no’d and I got butt hurt. This is the one thing I have a lot of trouble with and I know I need to do better. She at least dropped some lines to let me know the dread is working, even though I’m probably going too Rambo with the dominance:

“I feel like you talk down to me, like you are above me”

“I feel like you give me orders now”

“I feel like there is a bar that you set that I have to be better than for you to stay with me”

“I know you want more sex and I’m trying, but nobody else has sex more then once a week at most”

Handled the comfort tests without issue and she was back to normal after the fight. I think I’m starting to feel the difference between loving dominance and angry dominance and am going to work on the balance

Frame

I found a good way to visualize the frame for me and I figured I’d share it to help anyone else who is a tech guy.

As a tech guy I believe 100% in my code/platforms that I build. I know I can build anything and I’m completely confident in its ability to do any job it needs to perform. I have no issues talking about it and could talk endlessly about all the awesome things it can do. I give 0 shits if someone who doesn’t understand it tries to shit on it because their knowledge means nothing to me. There’s always bugs and always ways to improve and refine it but I know what its capable of.

Relating this to my frame, its not the platforms/code I build that is the value, it’s the person who is building it. “I” can build/do anything, “I” am confident in what I can do. “I” don’t care if you don’t like what I’m doing because I believe in it. There are always things to fix and always ways to improve (lifting) and refine it (reading), but I know what I am capable of.

Time to think of myself in the same way I think of what I build.

OYS #8

Summary:

Just keeping my head down

Stats:

35y, 182lb, 6'1''. Married to Wife 36 for 9, together 14. Kids 4,2.

Chance of marriage lasting? 5%

Current Last Working 5x5 sets (lb)

Bench: 175

Overhead Press: 95 (-10)

Back Squat: 165

Deadlift: 245

Bent over Row: 145

Fitness:

Staying busy working out.

From all the stress lately stomach is constantly churning, and I'm having a hard time eating as much as I need to. Lost 6 pounds. I have moved to a 16:8 IF so that I don't eat till about noon. This has helped me alot with feeling bloated after working out. I would work out, shower, drink a giant shake, and be sluggish most of the morning.

Planning to switch to Texas method program next week, as 5x5 has taken me as far as it can for now.

Readings and My Take Aways:

No reading accomplished.

Career:

Finished a big checkpoint with a report out to my management, giving me a green light to go ahead with next phase, really happy here.

Social:

Out to new local brewery on Thursday with co-worker.

Cornhole tournament Saturday, got smoked but fun.

Need to invest in more hobbies that genuinely make me happy and busy. This is my biggest weakness. I've been using meetup.com to try to find things, but just don't find many interesting things around. Would love to find a cooking / BBQ / smoking club.

Kids:

Lots of activities with kids. Very proud of daughter, she's being a great play companion to her brother.

Continuing to lead by driving activities. Its pretty awkward doing stuff with all 4 of us, wife hardly looks at me, but as long as the kids are happy I'm happy.

Relationship:

Pretty dead in the water.

Wife is still sleeping in other room. Minimal contact other than for kids. Has told me she has zero spark left for our relationship. She started therapy.

Sunday we all went to my parent's for a previously planned cookout. She was distant and checked out. When we got home, I took the dog for a walk, and when I got back she was there waiting for me with bags saying she had to go stay at a hotel, having a massive panic attack. Came home this morning to get her work stuff, and went to work. She told me she would be willing to consider couples therapy for the kids sake, and we are going to talk more tonight.

I have two annual weekend trips planned with friends in August, should be a good distraction and create some needed breathing room between us.

So that's where we are. I'd talk more but this is already turning into a she she she she she essay. Appreciate the support.

OYS 3

Stats:

• 28 years old
• Height: 6’ 2”
• Weight: 215 lbs.
• BF%: 18% (estimated)
• Married 2 years and change
• Dread Level(s): 1/2
• Two kids: 3.5 year old boy, 1.5 year old girl
• Lifts:
  • Bench Press: 170 lbs., 6 sets of 8 reps
  • OHP: 100lbs., 5 sets of 8 reps
  • Squat: 195lbs., 6 sets of 8 reps
  • Romanian Deadlift: 185lbs., 4 sets of 8 reps

Reading:

• In reading, I thought I’d try to keep with the “be attractive, don’t be unattractive” maxim. I’m now reading “Day Bang” by Roosh to increase how attractive I can be, while eliminating unattractive behaviors by reading WISNIFG.

Physical:

• Still running a decent five day split. Workouts have a lot of volume but it’s much better than when I used to go 3 days per week.

• I’ve cut out most supplements except fish oil. Not a big deal really, but at least I won’t break my fast too early with a small amount of pre workout. Just going to use coffee mixed with espresso and Fish Oil pills in the afternoon for joint health.

• It’s only been a few weeks but I can see that I’m slightly leaner than I was before. I’ve already gone down a few pants sizes and I’m wearing clothes that fit me ages ago. I have tons of energy and hopefully I’ll be making the bedroom more fun again.

Mental:

• Taking what was said to me last OYS and applying it moving forward. Trying to draw calm but firm boundaries, and minimizing encouraging any attention from the wife unless it’s sexual and/or submissive. Generally, as u/PillUpAss suggested, I need to disconnect more, so the only attention she really gets from me is logistics/important stuff, and me being a smart ass. I’m dialing down my affection to facilitate her seeing me as more of an alpha and less of a wallet. It’s also more fun when I’m a playful asshole to her and making fun of her and I’m tired of dancing on eggshells around her and being overly respectful to her.

• I finally got invited to some guy time. I haven’t hung out with only a male friend in probably a year, at least. Wife tried to inject herself into it by asking “are wives and gf’s invited?”. I calmly said “No, it’s guy time.” We just sat on the beach for a few hours and talked and drank a bit.

• I’m really focusing on being making the time I spend at home more about me, my house, and my kids. I’m working on keeping my demeanor fun and playful but calm and firm when I absolutely must. A lot of work is also going into developing and maintaining a strong, independent frame and not necessarily passing shit tests per se, but identifying them and just being too busy to give a shit about them.

• Social media and my phone in general is getting less and less time unless I’m reading books or quality MRP posts/comments.

• I’ve been sort of nervous about my finances recently. We’re about to get into foster care and while I’m not against that itself, I am against an extra child having a negative impact on my finances. I expressed that to my wife calmly. She took it well, and the next day I found out about the app You Need A Budget. I showed it to her and she lost it. She said she’s tired of hearing about finances and that I can handle it. I said okay, as that’s what I’ve wanted. Then she said she needed a break from me. Said she’s gonna stay with a friend for a week to see if she’ll be happy without me. She thinks she will be. It’s her choice. I didn’t betray any emotions about it on the first day. The next day went by nicely, but Friday night I sort of caved. I reverted back to DEERing in some ways when we started talking about how I’m acting. She tried to blame me for her leaving, but I remained firm in the fact that it’s HER responsibility that she left and feels shitty about it, not mine. I explained why that was the case and I definitely shouldn’t have. I told her that she needs to want to be with me if she plans on being with me, and if she doesn’t want to be with me that’s okay, but either way my ultimate goal is happiness for me. I also explained how money is the reason I don’t feel much affection. She said on Saturday that she’s coming back because she “can’t do this to the kids”. I told her that the only way I’m going to be okay with our marriage going forward is that I’M in charge of our money and not her. I gave her a few things that she can contribute but I said my control of my money is non negotiable. It’s true, I can’t stand her handling my money anymore. I hate that I DEERed like a little bitch but at least I got control of our finances.

Financial:

• As I mentioned before, she’s not controlling the finances anymore. It’s pathetic that I DEERed to get there, but whatever, I need to control my money. I can finally start really paying off debt and putting savings away without any interference.

Focus areas:

• Not DEERing
• More STFU
• Reading more
• My game needs a lot of work. I need to get out and flirt more, a little catch and release.

Overall:

• I think I’m making decent progress. Obviously I still have a long way to go, but I’m noticing improvements. I’m getting less and less worried about how my wife feels about things, and as a result, I feel more free to make the marriage fun by teasing and being sarcastic. I also make the marriage stronger because I’m getting more comfortable with setting boundaries and standing up to her, which in turn makes me less resentful. It’d be a covert contract to expect that the small amount of progress I’ve made will lead to sex, but for what it’s worth, sex has been increasing and she usually initiates.

OYS 2. Age 41, Height 6’1”, Weight 176, Fat 13% married 15 years, she’s 41, 2 boys 17 and 14, Lifts: Squat 225, Bench 155, DL 225 Keto for 2.5 years, intermittent fasting during cuts

Reading:

NMMNG(x2), WISNIFG, MMSLP(x2), MAP(x2), Saving a Low Sex Marriage(x2), The Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, The Book of Pook(x2), How to Win Friends and Influence People, Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat, Bang, Day Bang, just purchased The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Physical:

I downloaded and started the 5x5 Strong Lifts app this week. It seems like the weight is low and I have an extremely easy time with my workouts so I might need to do some research and adjust my plan. I only lifted twice this week. Had a 3 day vacation and took a break to relax. I got a couple 3.5 mile runs done. Not an unproductive week but it’s less than I usually put in.

Vacation:

In the past I’ve expected to have hotel sex that accompanies vacation time. On occasions when it didn’t happen I would be disappointed. This time I honestly went in expecting nothing to happen and didn’t talk about it. When we got to the hotel I initiated immediately with success and went about my day. We hit the pool for most of the afternoon. Lots of IOIs coming my way. I was friendly and fun. Made some friends and I talked to everyone around us.

I got an odd compliment from a group of new friends. They thought I looked familiar but couldn’t really figure out why. Then they decided I looked like a cross between the Dos Equis man and Conor McGregor. I thought it was funny and it was a confidence booster.

We had some friends meet us the last night of our getaway. Had diner and did some gambling with them. Stayed way under budget. That has been a problem in the past. I would get talked into spending more money than had we planned. I have been more realistic about the cost of doing things but a simple no or redirecting to other activities worked well.

I initiated sex again on the last night with success but had to work through a couple last minute defenses from her. I just went caveman on her and did what I wanted. I don’t know what she had in mind for the evening fucking and I didn’t really care. I haven’t expected much from her in this area lately and haven’t been initiating verbally, just going after it when I feel the urge. Still flirting, slapping her ass, and a little kino. She mentioned a couple times about having sex later in the day this week and I responded “we’ll see” or initialed right then. I’m not falling for that trap anymore thanks to the insight I received last week.

Work needed

I was having some anxiety last week before my OYS and felt better after posting. Just in time to recover mentally for a good vacation. The short break from physical activity made me realize I need that to keep my brain healthy. This week I’ll be in the gym more and started off Monday morning strong.

I’ve been using STFU more and I need to be conscience about being autistic. It feels like a fine line between Rambo and simply IDGAF. I’ve tried to remember to have fun and just do what I want, not expecting certain reactions or behaviors from my wife but that still needs work.

On some level I still want to see progress from her for the changes I’ve made but I’m more aware of those thoughts now. I’m getting better at checking myself for validation.

I’ve considered some meditation exercises but haven’t looked into that yet. It may help keep me centered on my goals and MAP.

My wife asked for help at work with some heavy lifting Monday afternoon. I had the day off so I took the opportunity to do some showing off. She works with mostly females so I get to flex a little while getting in some physical activity. I can tell they appreciate having a man around because they usually find something heavy for me to move while I’m there. I got some quick work done and split after having a little social time with several of her coworkers.

I’ve been concentrating on getting more sleep. My job requires me to be on call most of the time and I work odd hours. My sleep suffers because of this and trying to get gym time in. I can usually function on 5-6 hours but I need to catch up occasionally. I need to get more 8 hour sleep sessions.

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