I see a lot of posts on here from guys who say something along the lines of "I was in a dead bedroom for years and then I found out my wife cheated on me years ago. Now I've gotten my shit together and we're having great sex but I'm angry at my wife for cheating on me years ago when I was a faggot."
These posts bother me a little bit because the poster is upset at his wife, when in fact AWALT. Any other woman would have done the same damn thing in that situation. If you stop being a man for years, of course the wife is going to run off and get some action on the side.
If you fell into a coma for a decade, and the doctors said "We don't know when or if he'll ever wake up" would you really be mad at your wife if she had sex with somebody else five years into your coma while you were effectively dead to the world?
If it makes you feel better then go get some of your own cheating action on the side to "get even" but don't be upset at women for being women. It seems to me these posters are upset that "their wife did something wrong" and don't realize that all women in that situation behave that way. It's not a case of "your wife is defective" it's a case of "you were defective."
Channel your anger into improving your lifts.
RicoDunne 6y ago
Coma victim.... so you are saying the female is a victim of your BP coma. Excusing her infidelity by saying she is a victim tells me that you are still a victim of gynocentrism. By that logic (i.e victim of gynocentrism and feminist social conditioning) you are also a victim. As you were the first victim, then doesn't that make her cheating on you an act of abuse? For you to accept the blame for her actions means you are still a BP simp.
You can spin your sunk cost fallacy hamstring anyway you want though.
Perfectinmyeyes 6y ago
I get where your coming from...
And on the flip side - Its like saying guy is of high value and woman keeps denying sex, therefor because of psychological term he goes out and bangs other chick it's woman's fault this occurred.
0io- 6y ago
Reading is fundamental. Nobody cheated on me, I'm saying the BP guy who comes here and then wake up after being asleep for 10 years and gets mad about something his wife did five years ago while he was asleep needs to first recognize that he was asleep for ten years. You can apologize now, Rambo. "Excusing her infidelity", "gynocentrism", "female social conditioning", "you were the first victim", "sunk cost fallacy", "hamstring". How many fucking buzzwords can you put in to one comment? You have a lot of unresolved issues, the first one being learning how to fucking read, BP Simp.
RicoDunne 6y ago
I read a lot of rage here
tspitsatgp 6y ago
Channel your anger at improving your lifts, owning your shit and NEXT.
It doesn’t matter that it was your fault - it still happened. The goose is cooked.
Stats are funny things, 50% of marriages end in divorce or whatever it is. What’s the stats for spouses that cheat? 20, 30, 40, 50 percent?
Those look like good odds to me. I don’t look at 50/50 things and think oh shit why bother, I look at it and think you mean there’s a 50% chance things will work with a new LTR in the future and I GET TO KEEP MY BALLS?
Sign me up.
simbarlion 6y ago
Yes, but no.
Biological rules = of course she cheats with better option / AWALT
Society rules (marriage) = she is 'not allowed' to cheat even on fat beta.
I know we hate marriage, but we almost all are married here. Beta bob is also married and subscribed to its rules. So although "her cheating 5 years ago is obvious", Beta bob is allowed to be pissed she "broke the rules" of the worlds best undefined contract that he himself stuck to..
My point? - Beta bob is angry she broke the rules. AWALT is the explanation why she broke the rules.
----fans flames----
0io- 6y ago
The difference between the red pill and the blue pill is that the blue pill is a fairy tale about how the world works, the red pill is how it actually works.
Once you know how things actually work, it's strange to me that so many here (who should know better by now) get upset about things not working the way the "blue pill" told them they were supposed to work.
I'm not saying the poor guy can't get a divorce or do something else with his life, I'm just saying the anger is kind of misdirected. Maybe get mad at the people who told you to do choreplay and be beta and stick around in a sexless marriage...
In these cases the wife skipped out on a sexless marriage, and it would have been sexless if anybody else had been the wife too.
Edit: And the guys who are angry seem intent on punishing the wife (years later) even when the wife is now back on board.
Edit: You have a good point. Beta Bob is angry that the wife broke the "sacred marriage contract" that he imagined existed... Sure he's "allowed" to be angry, but it seems to me it's not a useful or helpful emotion if he's blaming the wife, because he still doesn't understand what happened. He fucked up for years, and so she went around him (like anyone else would.)
Edit 3: It seems to me like the Wife is not the "bad guy" in this particular dynamic. It's just like if the husband didn't mow the lawn for years, eventually the wife would hire someone else to mow the lawn. Then suddenly years later the husband gets interested in yard work and is screaming and bitter about all the money wasted on hiring someone to mow the lawn. (Bad analogy?)
simbarlion 6y ago
Agree.
Problem is, the ' bluepill fairytale' is reality for most people (still living in the matrix). The same society norms apply whether you are red pill or not. By way of example women cheat on red pill dudes too.
0io- 6y ago
If you're getting mad at women for being women (AWALT) you're stuck in the matrix. Kind of like getting mad at the weather. Yes, it sucks if there's a tornado on the day when you planned a picnic... but why get angry about that?
If you're doing things right and you get cheated on OK, that's upsetting.
If you've made yourself unfuckable for years and then you get cheated on... I guess you can get upset, but that was really on you.
tspitsatgp 6y ago
Why do you think it’s about being mad at your wife? You don’t have to live with your mistakes for the rest of your life. You can learn and move on.
simbarlion 6y ago
Yeah we are on slightly different messages here, fwiw I agree with your message ' it's your fault'.
My message is we all live in the blue pill world, like it or not. We might be neo but we are stuck in the matrix.
Sepean 6y ago
If a lion bites off my hand, even if I accept its lion nature it's still going to suck missing my hand.
And we're programmed to to be really bothered by our woman fucking other dudes. All that stuff about throwing resources at another man's kid.
My wife had an episode where she threatened to go fuck other men, and extrapolating from my reaction to that I doubt I could recover from adultery. I'd be too disgusted with her, find her too low value, and any feeling of anger would be towards her for fucking us and our family up just to get some dumb dick. What's next, she's going to try crack too?
SKRedPill 6y ago
We do have a need for trust because trust was and is essential for our very survival - the world can't run without at least professional levels of trust. That's why it still stabs us. But from another angle, past trauma is the last remaining part of one's beta self. Without allowing that to heal up, that guy might still come in and find a new way to suck up your present life.
The question is what do you do once the lion that threatened to rip your head off has become a pussycat later after you've improved. There is no one right answer. You decide what to do and own it.
InChargeMan 6y ago
Or even better, if you have a wild dog that keeps biting people. You can't be mad at it, that is in its nature, but you still have to kill the puppy.
RoccoPinkman 6y ago
You’ve obviously met my dog
RStonePT 6y ago
I feel bad if my dog gets rabies, but I still put him down; or
Just because you've set up a wife or girlfriend to fail doesn't mean you get to excuse the failure.
Use your anger to kickstart discipline, self awareness and internal discipline, because once you lose that foot in your ass, it's way too easy to become complacent.
0io- 6y ago
To me it's kind of more like "while you were gone for ten years the dog got sick and we took him to the vet, but he's fine now." Then you say "well I have no use for a sick dog, put him down!"
RStonePT 6y ago
I know what you see it like, I refuse to be taken advantage of, even if it was in a moment where I understand why someone would.
It's got that 'too big to fail' vibe to it, and it's not for me.
EasyDaysHardNights 6y ago
That. Fucking fantastic.
PaPaKAPture 6y ago
if this was re my post over in askmrp or with my post in mind, then you fundamentally misunderstood what I was saying in my post. which is unfortunate
SBIII 6y ago
You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you, don't you?
0io- 6y ago
I've seen a lot of posts over the years, where it's not like "I've been married for 2 years and my wife cheated on me" but more like "I've been working on RP for the last three years and things have been going much better. I'm concerned because 10 years ago my wife did something (after we hadn't had sex in a decade)." To me these situations are a little different from "I married a cheating slut" and the guy should at least acknowledge to himself that when whatever might have happened happened after he had been checked-out for a long, long time.
I think I did see your post. I'm not sure I misunderstood it. I wasn't talking to you in particular, but more to the situation of people who literally didn't have sex with their wives for years and years because of stuff that they (the husband) messed up by being out-of-it.
What do you think I misunderstood or got wrong?
Edit: For some people maybe there's no point in drawing a distinction, but I see a difference between "I married a party girl who slept with Chad on our honeymoon and cheats on me" vs "My wife and I were virgins who got married at 19, then we had two kids, and then from the time we were 25 to the time we were 35 I never had sex with her once, because I was really into playing video games and got 100 pounds overweight, but now I'm 40, I've lost all the weight, my wife has sex with me every day, and I'm upset because I think she did something 8 years ago..." // At least for me, those are very different situations.
PaPaKAPture 6y ago
Then you didn't read my post. I just found it odd as you basically described my post, title, some of the substance and there is no other "In a DB, found my wife cheated" post in the first few pages.
difference is I know why she cheated, and I am mad at myself. Most likely will be divorcing but my only focus is on me right now. So if you were somehow bothered by seeing another one of those posts perhaps you should have read what I had to say before ranting about it.
0io- 6y ago
I'm sure that in your mind you're an important person, but to me your post is one of many I have seen OVER THE YEARS and that's why I didn't write a story about you and to please you (what a surprise!). But yes, please, get divorced and fuck off and be a loser somewhere else, and no I don't care about you and your shitty sexless marriage and I hope you never get any better because you're a fucking idiot who brought this all on himself. OK? Now I wrote something specifically for you. When you hear a fucking song on the radio do you think the songwriter had you in mind?
PaPaKAPture 6y ago
Ah, see aggressive fits you better than being a pussy passive aggressive. At least I can respect it.
0io- 6y ago
I'm not actually wishing anything bad happens to you, just being a bit of a dick because you think everything is about you. You're right to care about your specific situation, because it affects you, but no I wasn't trying to give you personal advice with my post. I just hadn't seen it discussed on here before. What happens when someone who has been "gone" for a long time comes back and how should he handle it? Whether or not you get anything out of it is another question.
PaPaKAPture 6y ago
nah, I don't think everything is about me. But apparently it WAS my post you saw that set you on this rant of YEARS of apparent built up frustration, which is why I asked if you read what I wrote or just misinterpreted it, and it's a fair question. Bottom line, no I am not mad at my wife, but that doesn't mean I deserve to live the rest of my life with broken trust, even if I am getting from her what I want. I can get that anywhere.
0io- 6y ago
A "rant of YEARS of apparent built up frustration" all from YOUR post? Do you have NPD? My post wasn't about YOU, although YOU in fact do fit the pattern of having gone from "clueless and asleep" to "clueless and half-awake". You sure got triggered.
PaPaKAPture 6y ago
nah, like YOU got triggered. take a deep breath, it's gonna be ok
WTF do you expect from guys that are trying to own their shit for the first time? To come here and ask questions. If those questions bother you, then shove it up your ass, find some other way to deal with it than crying like a bitch.
0io- 6y ago
You're here on my post asking me questions, not the other way around. I already told you my post wasn't about you, you think that it is... If I were going to answer your post on AskMRP I would have. My post isn't about you (try to imagine that) even though you could learn from it if you were capable of learning. I'm bothered that people (like you) who were out of it for a long time, wake up and then are upset about things that happened years ago while they were dead to the world and are making bad decisions based on what happened in the past instead of good decisions based on the present. But spergs gonna sperg, and you're upset that you got cheated on, so OK. Go be upset. Nothing to do with my post.
part_wolf 6y ago
If you want to use this as a thought exercise, I would take the relationship out of it.
Let's say that you had an employee that you hired under the pretense of "we want you to work here until you retire" but you ignored them for years. Consider what would happen if you didn't give that employee the resources they needed to do their job, and they never received the type of compensation that they were expecting or hoping. Perhaps they stuck it out for a long time out of a sense of loyalty to the company but one day they decided to get a side job. Why would you blame your employee for getting a side job to take care of their needs? You probably wouldn't.
Now let's consider that your employee left to work full-time at that other job for a period of time and came back to work for you again. You might recognize why they left and you might realize after the fact that you didn't put them in a position to succeed. If you still have to meet the needs of your own business, you might hire them back and fix the problem by valuing them as an employee moving forward. In that example, is one wrong for having less trust in that employee or feeling resentment because they took a side job or went to work for someone else for a period of time? If you're now taking good care of that employee and they are performing well, are you justified in still viewing them as selfish or materialistic?
My point is that there's really not a clean right or wrong answer here in terms of morality.
0io- 6y ago
I like this analogy.
BobbyPeru 6y ago
Great point. When I was researching for my coaching business, I spent a good amount of time on dead bedrooms type pages. It’s disturbing to say the least. What you described is the culture on those type of pages... no personal accountability for how the relationship became. So, I think it just overflows when they think they swallowed the pill. There’s hope for some of them if they lose that attitude . At the same time, I’m a firm believer that once she cheats, it’s over. So, you take responsibility and move on. Staying is also just continued faggot behavior
RedPillGlasses 6y ago
I would be mad if my girlfriend cheated on me.
Then I would get a new girlfriend.
Iammrp2 6y ago
Yup