I've been participating in the weekly OYS threads for over a year now. This is mostly advice for the newbs, but it applies to every one.

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“It felt really good to…”

This is a phrase I’ve been seeing in way too often in OYS reports. Here is a small sampling (there are many, many more examples).

It felt good to:

…. Clean up the cars

…. Show off my [195 lb] squat

…. Focus on myself

…. Shoot the shit

…. Change the light switch in the bathroom

…. Be noticed by women

…. Have sex without ejaculating

…. Be alive and game women

… Be aggressively kissed by a drunk, ugly female

… be assertive

… Read the sidebar

… verbalize all the shit I’ve been learning

… set a boundary to turn down late night sex.

... be doing something.

… set boundaries and tell people no

… align with my own goals

… bust out some reps

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All of these things fall into 2 categories:

1. Shit that wouldn’t normally feel good, but somehow felt good for you because you are a faggot. You felt the need to tell everyone that it felt good because otherwise we wouldn’t care.

2. Shit you would normally be doing already if you weren’t a faggot.

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So why do this? Basically, you are feeling good about feeling good and think that you need to share it. As a result, you pump up your ego and build up more self-protection.

  • Self-congratulatory
  • Chronically overestimate your accomplishments
  • Delusionally positive self-perception
  • Constant self-absorption.

In one context (Narcissism / Dark Triad), this is fine because confidence leads to success with women. But in the OYS context, it’s harmful because it leads to an inability to handle failure/rejection and avoiding confrontation/discomfort.

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Owning your shit is about owning your shit. It doesn’t feel good. It sucks. It requires real introspection about failures in order to learn from them and improve. Moving from beta behaviors to alpha behaviors is uncomfortable. It’s painful. It doesn’t feel good. Killing the ego is required to begin building frame.

If you feel great every time you leave the gym, you are doing it wrong. If you feel great every time you write an OYS, you are doing it wrong. If everything was rainbows and unicorns, you wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be here.

When something really feels good, you don’t have to say it. /u/Red-Sfpplus didn’t need to say “it sure felt good to have two women at one party” or it sure felt good to “anal train my slut”. /u/HornsOfApathy didn’t need to say “It sure felt good to create my 24/7 D/s wife”. Real successes are self-validating. You don’t need to tell anyone how good it felt. We already know.

So when you write your OYS, take a risk and write the uncomfortable stuff, the shit you really need to own. Dig in, get real, and reap the rewards.

And if you find yourself using the phrase "it felt good to...", take a moment and ask yourself why you are writing it.