OYS8

Physical

48M 86.5kg, 183cm, \~13%BF

Fat loss. Still on PSMF. I’m now down 6.4kg, 1.8kg for the week. (Last dexa said I had 16.9 in total). Excel tells me my BF should be about 13.2%. +\- 2% ish depending on how much muscle I put on since the last dexa. Visually the dadbod is gone and I’m now fine tuning. Stomach is really starting to flatten out, in particular first thing in the morning. Shoulder muscles and bones are more distinct as are individual quad muscles. Traps no longer look like a fatty backpack.(Downside: About time for a new dexa. Even without the analytics I’d not stay on the diet for more than another week or so. I’ve been really keen to start making more muscle gains having not has a new 1rm since the day before the diet started… until today…

An hour ago I was surprised that I got a new 1RM on deadlift. Was 143kg, -> now 150kg. 15 reps on 102.5kg. This was surprising as I’ve barely eaten anything in the past 24 hours : 12gF,4gC,170gP. This should be only about 800cals.

I joined a 6am run group. Once a week all or some of my family comes along, though nobody want to be in running gear at 6am in the dark in winter. Usually in the rain. The group is \~70% female and most of the people are ‘fit looking’ consisting of lots of local PT’s, physio’s and other fitness workers. We just start with a few k of flat warmup followed by hill climb\sprints, and back across the flat again. I had a run with them last year and felt heavy and laboured going up the hill. I was a bit worried about doing this on sub 1000cal and assumed my body would just fold. I was wrong. The run went much better than last time, charging up the hills I was faster, stronger and my stride was long and open and fluid on the downhill all, on an empty stomach.

Mental

Target State. I was brought up with the idea that anything worth having is worth working hard for, which over the longer stretch transforms a goal in to the striving towards some goal becoming the goal. The MRP goals for me have already move to that category. I enjoy the self-improvement aspect enough now that there is actually no target state outcome anymore. This is probably a good thing because it unhitches my mind from needing validation from others and seems to be curing me of covert contracts. I suspect a portion of this change in mindset is coming from all the things I do exclusively for myself. I no longer feel beaten down and ‘used’ by my family because I’m leading my life. Being my own judge is much easier when I set goals, progress and achieve them. You just can’t beat down a man who at 43 * 1RM PRs in a row. Now I’m losing fat at near maximum speed without even a temptation of breaking it to gorge on some junk.

Anti-fragility. Been spending a lot of time thinking about anti-fragility and in particular in the MPR context. More business opportunities may be better than a perfect one. My background in self sufficiency itself is anti-fragile as are my multiple living options. What plate theory proposes is in effect more anti-fragility in relationship options. It has reminded me that I have very limited social circles outside my immediate professional circles. In the past I reasoned that I’m more island than social, that I’m introverted, but that’s not even close to true. I love being the centre of attention and almost always am, when I make the effort of doing something other than work and home. I’ve just been lazy, not even fearful this time. I need to build a social network from the ground up. I’ll take this slow as I don’t want to invest time in people with negative\neutral mindset.

u\SorcererKing challenged me to know myself better. His simple question was like dropping a disease on a city. One sentence cause me to re-evaluate everything. Timing was perfect as I would not have responded the same way 12 or even 6 months ago. I dug deep and found that almost everything I do is acting from a position of fear, and this overriding theme has infected both the way I interact with the world, others and how I make decisions. I’ll dig in to the causes and try and come up with a plan in a mental focused OYS9.

Relationship

Not much interesting to state. Learning to control what I say and when. How I respond or don’t(STFU). I’m still very conscious of what I’m doing and where I detect a compliance test, supressing my DEER instinct, from outright “No.” to me just doing something for myself and walking off. So far this is not causing any problems which don’t disappear within a few days. I guess the might oak too a long time to get that way, constant tests of storms. The oak in the end is notable not because it can weather the storm, but because it represents growth and success against all the storms that have come and gone. Nobody laments the windfall.

Reading

Being conscious of how I project my masculine frame recently as I work through WOTSM. When I started to read it in Dec19 it looked like superficial mush and I didn’t make it past the preface. This was because what I needed at the time was a good foundation. Lifting, stfu and all that. This time around it’s making a difference, the mush looks more like an action plan because I have the basics down. Amazing difference in perspective over just 6 months. That said this book is dense in meaning and will take me many passes over years to absorb it all.

Philosophy

I’ve been watching my wife in a different way. What she values or not. What meshes best in to her natural femininity, and what doesn’t and I came to a realisation. Feminism is anti-feminine. I can imagine the fireworks if I posted that idea elsewhere online. Almost every goal of feminism appears to have a masculine origin, even if you take the ide aback to the early stages. Things like the ‘right to vote’ was held by men as not a ‘right’ as such, but a burden of responsibility, both the make a ‘good conscious’ decision for civil outcomes but also to be responsible for keeping politicians inline and have a guardianship responsibility over civic values. I really don’t think that the bulk of women were asking to be made responsible for civic guardianship. We can see that represented today in the raw emotionalism(feminine) that politics engenders.

OYS #1 – An Intro: The Lurker Becomes the Newbie

Stats

Age 32 Ht 5’11” Wt 176 (Don’t know BF yet), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 6

Introduction

6 months ago, my wife of 7 years (together quite a bit longer) tells me she is unhappy and his been for years, she knows I am unhappy, we both deserve happiness and we need to find it somehow, even if it isn’t together.

6 months ago, I am the absolute fucking definition of a betabux oneitis faggot. Still am, of course, but really was then. We are both well educated but I bring in ¾ of the money. Great dad, take care of the house, do the cooking, give massages, always at her beck and call, always looking for constant validation, always saying I love you first, always running after her like a fucking lapdog.

6 months ago, I am 210 pounds of pure fat. I have a frame on the thinner side so I just look like a fucking beachball; it all goes to my cheeks and flappy waistline. Literally disgusted with myself whenever I look in the mirror. Family started buying me clothes in Large this year as gifts, because lets be honest, I am large. Started buying new belts and new pants because the old ones hurt my tum tum when I sit.

6 months ago, I am angry and bitter. I am angry when my wife takes an hour to herself to go to Yoga. I am angry when she takes 10 minutes to go take a shit. I am angry when she doesn’t initiate sex, I am angry all the fucking time. And I walk around at home like an angry, fat piece of shit. I am disgusted with myself, but even more disgusted with the fact that my wife doesn’t want to constantly be fucking and blowing me. Which is ridiculous. Why would anyone want to fuck me?

6 months ago, I play video games if my wife doesn’t want to hang out with me in the evenings. Not because I want to, but because it’s the “second place” prize if the wife locks herself in the bathtub to get a few hours of respite from my needy faggotry.

6 months ago, she starts sleeping in the guest bedroom, as a transition into separation and probable divorce. 6 months ago, I am mad at her instead of myself. We cry about it.

6 months ago, I decide to get my shit together. I am still a BP faggot but this is a wake-up call. My life is falling apart around me. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my stepfather was a POS (sound familiar?) so I promised myself I would never, ever ever give up on my nuclear family. No matter what. Nothing is more important.

4 months ago, I am down to 195. Intermittent fasting. First 2-3 weeks were hard but afterwards, it was a breeze. Coffee+water+dinner 4-5 days a week. That’s it. I read a bunch of shit online, all the time. Most of it is “give her space, talk about your feelings, tell her you are listening to her needs.” I do all this shit and it does nothing but push her away. There are hints of MRP online too; advice like, be your own man, develop yourself to save your marriage. Slivers of MRP. But most of it is faggotry.

3 months ago, down to 186. People start noticing. Still doing the same shit, weekly (sometimes daily) gross conversations about our relationship that I constantly initiate. She rolls her eyes and tells me to stop, to just take it a day at a time. She is literally telling me to stop being a faggot but I don’t listen.

2.5 months ago, I am down to 180. Still being an absolute faggot but my physically transformation has upped by SMV a bit. Wife still sleeping in the guest bedroom but starts sleeping in our bed on the weekends. We still have a good time whenever I am not being a clingy bitch because we are best friends and all that gay shit. Probably similar to what we’d be doing if I was a fat female roommate of hers.

May 1st: I am at my goal weight of 175. I actually like the way I look for the first time in years. I am still a giant faggot. I try to initiate conversations about our relationship all. the. fucking. time. She literally tells me at one point to be a man, to stop these conversations. Trying her very best to stop me from being a faggot but I still can’t do it. Literally incapable. WHY WON’T SHE JUST TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS, I’VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD BOY?!?!

After having sex once in like 3 months, I finally let out a betascreech. I tell her I can’t live like this, that I won’t be in a sexless marriage. That she can come back to our bedroom and we can figure this shit out or we can go on our separate ways. She is taken aback by this betascreech that is somehow masquerading as some desperate FMOFY alpha move.

This pathetic display was probably the closest thing to a pseudo-masculine thing I’ve done in years. She starts getting her shit together to go sleep in the guest bedroom, then stops and tells me that she just doesn’t feel sexual anymore, that her body just doesn’t work that way anymore. She says she will give me handjobs going forward when I want.

Sidebar: my wife gives absolutely amazing fucking handjobs. Like, out of this world. She gets her hands all creamed up and just Goes To Town. They are so good I literally started watching handjob porn years ago because thinking about them gets me going.

So in my mind, this is a worthy compromise to a sexless little beta like me. And she does it. I get like 3 solid handjobs a week. Sometimes 4. This seems like an absolute prize because compared to the alternative, its not so bad.

Except one problem: I am still a faggot, she is still disgusted by me, and I am still the neediest, clingiest person on the planet.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I discover married red pill. Don’t even remember how exactly. I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me. I read Steel’s guide and start ingulfing just about every post on here. I nod along to just about all of it but also am incredibly apprehensive because I’ve been taught that being a beta faggot is how to get nice women to touch your pee pee and my step dad was a bit of an alpha and I hate him so no way no how mister.

But the more I read the more my eyes are opened. Its like staring into the void for the first time but the void is your own empty self.

Reading through all the posts, I realize that the number one thing to do, even before the sidebar, even before lifting, is just to STFU. Just STFU, please! So now it is Day 19 and I have not said a single fucking word about my relationship to my wife. Not one. Not one heavy, gross conversation. Not one beta screed. Nothing. I would have thought that was impossible a month ago. I cannot express how often I would try to initiate conversations where I would dream that they would end in her professing her undying love.

So a week ago, I decide to dive in. I pick up NMMNG and its like this guy wrote a biography about me. I literally have goosebumps every chapter. I read MMSLP shortly after and start trying to apply it to my life. But I also know that I am a giant, helpless faggot, so I am still doing 99% STFU, and 1% MRP right now. But the 1% MRP has been amazing. But that is a story for OYS #2, next week. I expect to dive into that with the typical headlines (fitness/career/relationship/etc.) but wanted to use this first OYS to create a baseline, an introduction for my own records, and a testament to my faggotry. Until next week.

OYS #1

Age 40, 6'0, 195

I've been reading MRP off and on for a few months and posted once on askMRP which was a bunch of hogwash though I believed it at the time. I can't halfass this if I want real results, so here I am.

Reading sidebar and started Rational Male before noticing I skipped the prerequisites. Those 3 books will be here Monday and I'll get started on those.

Local gym is supposed to open up soon. I've been doing body weight stuff and using the weights I have to develop a routine. I'm weak and I know it and thats not attractive.

I checked all the boxes on what it takes to be a beta and that pisses me off that I've been so clueless for so long. Married 7 years and the first 5 years was a progression of drinking while a regression of sex. Sober now 18 months and feeling good despite the wife still uses her resentment of my past alcoholism abuse against me. Whatever, if she cant get over it then thats her problem and I'll find some plates. At the moment, I'm giving her until the end of the year and then I'll decide whether ti nuke it ot not.

I want it to work with us and I see results when I hold frame and follow the advice of the things I've read on here. The problem is that my awareness of shit tests and communications is usually about 5 minutes late. My ego swells when I do catch things in the moment and then I forget the thought to STFU.

We did a workout together the other day and we were both sweaty nasty. My intention was to turn that into a shower together and sex. As soon as the word shower came out of my mouth. She interrupted that she wanted the shower first. I told her not to rudely interupt me and i started back on what i was about to say. She interrupted me again. I told her that she rudely interrupted me again and i went to do another workout. I'm quite sure i should've done something different there.

My step son is an asshole but he seen me in my worst drunken conditions and holds the same resentment as his mom. My daughter is wonderful and I'll probably end up in jail someday when she gets a boyfriend.

Just started a new business on the side and it's taking up a ton of my time while my current job is starting to pick back up.

I've quit watching tv (thats a lie, I'm trying to quit) and I've eliminated sugar from my diet. I feel like I'm all over the place with this post but I want to be the best version of myself and thats why I'm here.

I'm finally teachable and need help.

OYS #9

Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 18, 12, 10. Over a year in. Reading MMSP and NMMNG both for 2x, WISNIFG (2x), SGM.

1889lbs w/ BF 15%. BP: 110, Squat 140, OHP 85, DL 130.

PHYS Consistent on workouts, more protein. Added stairmaster for upcoming hike. Need to add more warm-up and ancillary exercises to not let previous shoulder, elbow and back injuries prevent progress.

SOCIAL Chats w/ group of men several times this week. More than my average, but my goal is for that to become a daily habit and move to spontaneous instead of morning checkbox. I made time on calendar with another old friend and had a great talk. Ended by asking we schedule another one (instead of waiting sometimes months for chance) and we did. Also was direct and clear with another old friend about an issue. I wouldn't have done that before, but I'm working to put myself and feelings out there, and let them work it out with me (if they want to). But I am practicing that keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself is no longer an option.

MENTAL I'm being hit hard by NMMNG, and I don't recall that the first time. It seems I heard some information, thought about it for a year while observing hit-or-miss changes in life, marriage. Now it feels a bit of a sucker-punch at times, the exposure and obvious brokenness in me, how I engage with life, etc. I'm almost finished, and started going through the Breaking Free exercises. I booked a campsite to going away alone for the weekend two weeks from now. Looking forward to it, but also realize that Glover has this as homework, knowing that probably means emotional work will occur over those three days. In general, I'm catching myself before automatic responses to people and instead going through and processing "How do I really want to reply?" Going through the Assertive Rights from WISNIFG several times a week has also helped. Given the common praise I see here for TRM and WSM (neither of which really impacted me, so I stopped reading and switched), I'm now guessing I wasn't really ready for them and that NMMNG and WISNIFG are somewhat prerequisite work. I'm enjoying Rian Stone's commentary on the book on YouTube.

WORK Broke even last month, but currently forecasted to lose $30k in July. I'm grinding and accepting that it's six day weeks and 10 hour days until either the world changes, or I come up with a new strategy, partnerships, channels, or pivot. I have made progress on stopping my jealousy and resentment towards others in my field who made bank and are doing fine now. I see that my approach of "be generous to all and it'll come back to you," was just a covert contract from a smart people-person, but spineless leader without balls to put himself first, and drive and expect results.

MARRIAGE Still in roommate mode. I'm not pursuing, but the backwards financial and emotional spot I've put us in (and her passion for working our new land) leaves me often not wanting to. I've been working on "be attractive AND don't be unattractive," as I had missed that second part. What a difference.

Thank you for this. It is very much to the core. I have let it stew as I didn't really know what to respond. Still not sure I do. But this passage in TWOTSM stood out during a recent re-listen. I will reflect further for next week's OYS.

Sometimes you must move on, to another job or another woman. That’s fine, if it is a true movement of growth: clear, empowering, and an aspect of the ongoing giving of your gift. But, more often than not, your first impulse to move on comes when you have ceased invading the moment with your fullest capacity to give and instead are droning along, coping rather than creating.

OYS YEAR 2

WEEK 3

ABSTRACT: Missing dips workouts. Didn’t start a new book yet. Need to communicate more to my VA at work. Found myself getting frustrated on vacation. Having too much to drink when I’m with my friends. Drinking daily has become a habit.

AGE: 31
Married, twin 3 year old boys

Physical:
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 164LB

WORKOUT: 531 BBB
1RM:
SQUAT: 290lb
BENCH PRESS: 217.5lb
DEADLIFT: 286lb
SHOULDER PRESS: 174lb
Trying to do dips three times a week. So far I’ve only been doing them once a week and skipping the other days. Need to lose a solid 5 pounds to have abs where I want them.
**WEEK GOAL: Don’t skip dips. Set and hit calorie goal every day.

READING:
Nothing currently since I finished listening to 48 laws of power again.
**WEEK GOAL: Pick a new book and read / listen to all of it

CAREER:
Went on vacation so not much happened here. I haven’t communicated to my VA some of the things I need him to do.
**WEEK GOAL: Lay out week’s work with the VA

RELATIONSHIP:
I let myself get frustrated when I was with my family on vacation this week. I didn’t take the opportunity to try and control my emotions. I eventually sorted myself out and started being fun again. The difference was huge. After I became fun and everyone relaxed my wife started shit testing me. I saw them as shit tests early on this week and passed them (something I’ve been struggling with in previous weeks’ OYS). Rest of the trip was easy and fun.
**WEEK GOAL: Acknowledge when I get frustrated and control the expression of my emotions. I will take note of what caused me to get frustrated and figure out why it happened.

SOCIAL: When I get together with my friends I drink, sometimes too much. When I do that my sleep goes to shit and if it results in a hangover it wrecks my schedule. I need to ignore the peer pressure and make decisions for myself that benefit my entire life, not just a fun night.
**WEEK GOAL: Limit social drinking. Not sure what is a good number to shoot for but maybe 2 drinks and then switch to water.

PERSONAL: Since lockdown I’ve fallen into drinking every day. I don’t get drunk, I just usually have a few white claws, sometimes I have half a dozen though. Or if I get wine I’ll drink a few glasses. It’s been something I hadn’t paid attention to but I’ve been trying to work on my nutrition to maximize workouts and it caused me to notice this as a problem area.
**WEEK GOAL: Only consume alcohol on weekend or date night.

Then go up! Maybe you’ve got a crazy metabolism. Maybe your tracking is off. Probably the latter. Nutrition labels can be 20% off and they still meet labeling requirements.

Eating this much sucks, but you’ll get used to it eventually. I target 3200 when maintaining, 3500 when bulking.

OYS #10

Stats: age mid 30, married to wife (mid 30), 3 kids (2, 5,7). Height 5,9". Weight 76 kg (167 lbs.) Strong Lift 5x5, B 62,5 kg +2,5, OHP 50 kg +2,5, DL 110 kg +2,5 SQ 100 kg +5, Row 57,5 kg, FSq 60 kg

Reading: -

Physical/training/Diet:

I have been fucking around a bit on my diet eating shit. Still keeping calories at deficit though. The deck building is eating into some of my gym time but I accept that as it build my body none the less. Made some nice gains this week and felt really good. Then felt really fatigued days afterwards. Been skimping on setting up my next boxing lesson and will correct that this weekend.

Mental/Relationship:

Been in my own bubble a bit this week. Behavior from wife is erratic. She works a lot at night, is angry then have sex. She says I am being an asshole. No specifics given. Must be hard for her not having that faggot around anymore..

I have been struggling taking care of the kids this week and has got upset like a bitch. At least no bitching or whining like I used to. Just noticeably tired, stressed and frustrated. I honestly dont know how to get the oldest one to stop screaming as soon as she doesn't get her way.

Takeaways this week:

• Need frame towards kids as well.
• Hold the line with wife. She is realising she is loosing and this is the last push.

Week tasks:

Gym 4 times (3 fail) approved excuse

Take walk 4 days (1 fail)

Shit eat once a week (3 fail)

Read another book on sidebar (fail)

Get going with Spanish lessons again (success)

Meet up with a friend (success)

Short term goals:

• Lift 1.5 times BW B, Sq and DL

Long term goals:

These are still work in progress and revising since last OYS.

• Be a confident man with a body and mind that are power tools for shaping my life.
• Be in a financially independent in 10 years

Oys 5

35yo, married 10 years, 2 kids, 92kg, 6"

Strengthlifts 5x5 (been doing 10reps on last three sets to get some more volume) Squat 85kg, Benchpress 85kg, Row 50kg, Deadlift 105kg (1x5) Overhead press 60kg

Reading: nmmng, map. Am starting pon. So far liking it. Am reordering the rest of the sidebar books in paperback as it turns out cant stand mobile books.

Eldest boy did something really stupid so banned him from tab for a month. Instead of getting pissy like I thought he would he calmly asked me "what can i do to earn the tab back" hes only 7 so was really impressed and told him so. Been drumming into him about fixing his own mistakes and failures are just opportunities to learn etc. So far so good. Youngest, who was an absolute mamas boy has done complete 180 and follows me around like a lost puppy. Really happy with the progress here

Initiated and kino'd everyday this week following the session just before last weeks oys. Got shot down every single time. Her reply has been some variation of "not for another six months" Not sure how to respond to this so just shrugged and said your loss to most of them before continuing what I was doing. Having said that, we are kissing, touching and hugging alot more without it feeling like a chore/needy (more organic? I guess) Some of that is down to me being more attractive ie mouthwash etc, shes the one with the smellier breath, im usually fresh as fuck now. Shes dancing around the house and is a hell of alot more better to be around so something is working

Uninstalled all games and useless apps off phone and laptop so as a consequence had to do other things to entertain myself. I thought this would give me more time but feel like I have less, in a good way, so much shit is getting done. Because of this im getting out of the house alot more on weekdays to start/finish projects, get supplies or just to do things for myself.

Been really giving my career some thought (as in my lack thereof) im actually quite happy at my job. Its definately not challenging and everything about it is average to good. Nothing is great, have had some thoughts on possible other jobs and have started to talk to people in said jobs to see what pay and conditions are like. Another problem is at my current job there is absolutely zero chance of growth.

Was definately hoping for some more action on the sex front but kind of expected there not to be. Cant turn the ship around in one week and if I look at things as a whole, has really improved in just a few weeks especially with the kino and playfulness. Starting to make sexual jokes again, still get treated like a perverted piece of shit but bothers me less and less. Yes, I like sex and theres nothing perverted or strange about that. Have worked on ass grabs (which used to get my hand slapped away and/or snarkey comment) as well as compliments in general (not hard because im not using porn anymore so im horny as fuck) realized havent really said things like "bring that sexy ass here" or just saying that I like her sexy ass as im going for a grope for years. Just been more free with the compliments in general as her behaviour has increased 100%

Need to up my reading game as ive been so busy doing shit its lagged behind this week. Been driving to work in silence and just kind of.....thinking about things. Best I can do for now in regards to camping by myself but that is definately on the cards. Got a hike with some of the lads scheduled in for this weekend so that should be good, hopefully they dont all bail.

Could never understand those people who got excited about the weekend until the last couple of weeks when i would get inordinately excited despite the fact that 70% of the plans i made for myself fell through due to laziness or lack of conviction. Still getting excited though, which is better than the alternative, and im getting better and better at NOT talking myself out of doing things because guilt or whatever happens to be the excuse this time.

Have to keep an eye on covert contracts (doing this for myself and not being a dancing monkey which I do catch myself doing on occasion) Also keeping my foot on the gas is going to be another issue to keep in mind as this has always bern a problem for me. Another thing to be wary of is putting that pussy back up on the pedestal and giving my attention away to freely. Its the only commodity I have and yet I have to build it up into something worthwhile first.

OYS21.
Age 50 Married 24 years. Together 26 years. Wife 48 year.
3 male children age 20,20 and 17.
Height 179 cm/ 5ft 10 Weight 74kg Body fat c20%.

Reading.
Read NNMG, MAP, WISING, MMSLP. The Game by Neil Strauss and The Rational Male (the book) by Rollo Tomasi. The Art of Seduction. Realise I need to refer back to these books and reread to make sure I digest the basic concepts. There is a difference between reading and listening.
Restarting The Rules of the Game. Mission 1 and 2 ok. Mission 3 requires some privacy. Hmmm.

Lifting/Exercise.
Reworked exercise routine to focus on progression to a pull up. Achieved pull ups this week. Did 5 sets of 2 reps.
Need to now increase number of reps. Will also focus on increasing number of press ups. PUSH/PULL etc.

Mission.
Make money by investing.
I keep watching my stocks with all the emotional stress that brings for no benefit given no news. Challenge to myself is to not look at their price until major news is announced. Starting this week.

Field report.
Something new.
Last week my wife and I went away for a day trip but at her suggestion we stayed overnight in our large car. We had a great day out on the coast and then that evening I located a secluded woodland car par. We had sex in the car. We both wanted this. Fantastic. The light in her eyes when we did this was something else. I am incredulous that something I have thought of doing but had not said was suggested by my wife.

My beta fail.
Next day we went to some friends for a socially distanced dinner outside. We dressed up. I put on a good shirt etc. I happened to go back upstairs and my wife was sitting with her dress on which has a slit up the leg and it was clear she was wearing stockings. She never wears these. She know I like them. I fucked up at this point. Beta me couldn’t help saying ‘Why are you wearing stockings? You never wear them? You know I really like them.’ Or something similar. Making me cringe to write this. Anyway the conversation lead to her changing into the normal tights as soon as I left the room.
What an idiot. She knows I love her in stockings. If I had just shut up, smiled and moved on. Just too much had happened in 48 hours. The beta part of my brain couldn’t take it.

Nonetheless we had a great evening at our friends. The following day I was so energised it was incredible. We had sex (she knew I wanted/needed it) and for once I really let myself go. Said all sorts of things. Wasn’t in control. Afterwards a real quizzical look on my wife’s face.

Having reflected on the above I can see that I am of course still pretty beta. We are still in her frame. There is some improvement and there is some encouragement that I am on the right road.

Short term goals.
Exercise: more pull ups, more press ups.
Now lockdown easing restarting The Rules of the Game to improve my social skills. Want to restart photography as a hobby.

OYS #13

38y, 5'6'', 196lbs, 17% BF (calipers)

Married 8y, Together 12y. 18y stepson, 6y son

OYS #12

Sidebar

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, Pook, TWOTSM, SGM, The Natural, The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Day Bang (50%), Sidebar posts

Reading:

NMMNG 2nd time. Currently on Activity 37.

How To Answer "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

The Rational Male

Fitness

Got in 5 days of workouts last week. Doing strength training 3 times a week and HIIT 2 times a week. Diet during the week is 5 days intermittent fasting eating 12 to 8 with around 1900 calories and hitting a goal of 165g protein. Weekends I'm more lenient. I still count calories and hit my protein goal, but I am not as strict with the calories and tend to hit my maintenance of 2500. However, since starting this I'm seeing a slow progression of weight loss, not as fast as some other people, but I'm finding this more manageable.

Mindset

Most of my time has been spent getting shit done, owning my shit, enjoying time with family, and internalizing things I've learned throughout the last 13 weeks since I made the commitment to myself to write in OYS weekly. I have not felt the need to constantly consume red pill content or binge more MRP posts and comments like I had in the past. I've spent more time reflecting on the things I've learned, adjusting my behavior and questioning myself less. I've found myself responding to my wife more in regards to some shit tests, such as when I'm working on a task and she's criticizing my approach to how I complete it. When I'm focused on the task my response is to "let me handle it" or "stop, I'm handling it". This ends the criticism and she leaves me alone to finish. What surprised me is how easy it just comes out, now. Before MRP I'd make excuses, DEER, do or say something unattractive, etc… and it wouldn't occur to me to nor have the balls to just shut that shit down.

I've been doing well keeping to my time management schedule, so far. Mostly with how much time I spend working on OYS, my Android studying, and learning options trading. By making a commitment to work each area at least one night a week, I'm staying disciplined.

I've utilized the techniques from u/InChargeMan's comments from my OYS a few weeks ago:

I'm all about overt contracts, it makes all that other shit drop away. Handle your business like a man, not a woman. Don't hint that you might like sex, when you want to fuck, tell her "I'm in the mood for a good fuck, let's go to the bedroom". If she says no "ok, that sucks...oh well, your loss, maybe next time". Later if she tries to initiate, it is in your frame "I knew you'd come around, nobody could resist a body like this" then flex and be a bit silly. The point is you aren't embarrassed by your need to have sex, you are a man, a man needs sex. You aren't butthurt if she says no, but you are disappointed, and there is nothing wrong with making that known, but make it known like a man.

I said let's go have sex in the office (both kids were out of the house for the night). She said no I want to finish my wine and we just had sex earlier today. I said I know, that was fun. I'm insatiable, but ok your loss. Later that night she suggested we go to the office and we had amazing sex, with both of us talking dirty and trying new things.

I'm seeing her acting more feminine and trusting my lead more. There's still some push back, but I'm seeing the rope tighten. Can't get too comfortable and let myself slide back into old behaviors and mindsets. Gotta keep pushing forward.

Last Week's Goals

• Game and initiate with wife throughout the week
  • Success
• At least 5 days of Intermittent Fasting
  • Success
• Train at least 4 Days
  • Success, 5 days
• Say affirmations to yourself in the mirror every day.
  • Failed, I'm not keeping track of when I do them, to ensure I'm doing them every day. So I set up an app HabitBull to keep track of and mark whenever I do my affirmations, because just having the daily google reminder isn't enough to keep me accountable.
• · Refine your time management schedule and complete each item as scheduled
  • Success

Next Week's Goals

• Game and initiate with wife throughout the week
• At least 5 days of Intermittent Fasting
• Train at least 4 Days
• Say affirmations to yourself in the mirror every day.
• Complete each task on time management schedule

OYS 33

28, 5'9", 180 lbs, Bench 235 Squat 385 Deadlift 405

Fitness

Rough week for working out since everything I did split my finger back open and caused me to bleed everywhere. After a couple of days of trying to rush it and reopening the wound I just decided to let it close up and hit it hard once it does.

I was able to deadlift heavyish (~315 lbs) yesterday without any issue so I'm back in the game for lifting. Giving boxing a couple more days since the cut is right on my knuckle.

I've put on a couple pounds now that I'm working out of the office again. Goal for this week is to meal prep lunches so that I don't lose my cut from quarantine.

Overall most of my strength is back to pre-quarantine, I expect in less than a month to be within screaming distance of new PRs. I'm looking good overall, but I still need to lean down if I'm going to get abs.

Relationship

Best week I've ever had relationship wise. Wife has been spoiling the hell out of me. Last year for Father's day I got a nice Facebook post. This year she showered me in gifts and begged for me to put it in her ass.

I'm not all the way "there" yet, because I have a lot of shit to own and fix about myself. But holy shit. This is an entirely different woman. Or, more accurately, the exacy same woman reacting to an entirely different man.

Career

Not much has changed here. Still trucking. My company is losing one of itd keystone guys, so I'll be on the lookout for new opportunities as they come up.

RP

Finished NMMNG a couple weeks back. Next on the list is a reread of WISNIFG.

OYS 2

Bio: 41 198lb wife 10y NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG

Goals:

resistance + cardio 6/7 days passed -> repeat

<2k cals per day passed -> repeat

No shouting at kids 7 days -> failed -> repeat + add to mantra

Flirt with wife 3 days -> failed 2days -> repeat

Add Morning Mantra -> Reset, positive energy, Fog+BR+NI+WC, Criticism=>STFU+AM+AA

Physical:

Flat week, haven't lost any weight, miscounting calories, get better at estimating

DL 30*70, SQ 30 * 65. Getting stronger

Niggles continue, pain in hands and feet. Although shoulder/neck pain has gone

Kids: Doing well this week (apart from shouting when they fight each other.) Need a plan when the wind each other up -> explain what they are doing, the consequences, then physical separation.

Reading:

Rational Male year one, not getting too much out of this, it seems to be more for 20 year olds than 40 year olds

Keep reading and find gems

Work / financials:

Had a tough confrontation meeting with the boss, explained the consequences of certain decisions and what I suggest. Got it, which is great and will give me additional power and influence

Had a tough conversations with wife about finances and what we can and can’t afford -> went well and she has agreed to budget the “fun”. Need to track how well this works

Wife:

Up and down, biggest improvement has been ignoring her when she says no and just getting on with things. Helps break away from her frame and also do what I want.

This week -> stay positive and see what happens

OYS #24
Married: 3 years. 3 kids
Height: 6', Weight: 216 - Target: 183lbs or 10\~15% BF

Lifts:
-As of 6/02/2020-
SQUAT: 285lbs x 1 - Target: 350+ x 5\~ or 420 x 1
BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 265+ x 8\~ or 315 x 3 or 330 x 1
DEADLIFT: 375lbs x 1 – Target: 500+ x 1

My mother died last week, so I flew back home to take care of burial arrangements. Her funeral is this upcoming Saturday, and there’s a lot of things that need to be taken care of so, I’m going to focus my energy there, and just check in with my OYS. I am grieving, but looking for whatever silver lining this dark cloud has to offer.

Back next week. 

Days without PMO: 8

I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.
Pain is weakness leaving the body. 

OYS#39

31yo 6'2" 188lbs ~17%BF, STBX 7yrs, kids 14(step) & 3

Reading

WISNIFG×2 5% TRM MMSLP MAP Pook×2 Poon WOTSM Day Bang UFYS 48LOP Atomic Habits×2 70% NMMNG×2 sidebar 95% (posts)

Book Queue

SGM WOTSM WISNIFG

All in lbs, 5×5: SQ 200 DL 235 BP 140 BR 150 OHP 100

I realized this week as even the crappy temporary job was taken from me, that my self image and positive vibes have been way too wrapped up in my professional life. All it has taken for me to basically fall into a low place was for my legs to get kicked out from under me at work. I need to work on my OI professionally and bounce back much better than I have over the last 4 days since I found out. Now, that's not to say I threw a fit or embarrassed myself. But I can't help thinking I must have done something wrong to end up "out of favor" or however you want to put it. I've since sorted my emotions and pissiness about it, and I've made my A B C D plans for contingencies. I'm still 1000% better positioned for promotion now than I was at the beginning of this year, and I learned so much from the experiences. I'm not going to stop pushing until I get where I want, at which point I'll shift gears to my plans outside my fulltime career. If I have to wait a bit to get there in my career, I'll simply shift to the side plans and use my energy there until I can create the next opportunity at work.

I did the paperwork for STBX. I actually just asked her for her current numbers and told her why I needed them, and she just gave them to me. Amazing. After fully moving all of our things to fully separate our spaces, she also told me that she is looking for a place, and didn't want it to be a surprise. "Makes sense." Then STFU and continue about my business. Halle-fucking-lujah. That branch she's swinging on must be strong enough... salutes better you than me mate, best of luck with this chick, I'm all done. Be the best step dad you're capable of being or they'll never find your body bro. Nah. He seems like a decent guy. A real try hard blue boy.

I'm still struggling to overcome the indirect external validation I get from plates being attracted to me in general. Its a work in progress. But immersing myself in sex, doing what I want instead of what I think she does, talking dirty, and not doing things for validation are all coming along really well. I'm enjoying myself more now than I ever did having sex before in my life. There's a pressure that is removed when you don't worry about all the BS during sex, and just focus on pleasure, dominance, variety, having fun. They fucking love it too. They want to ride that wave with you, because its fucking awesome.

Played cards with 14yo on Father's Day. That was a lot of fun. It was a moment of peace in the "cold war" she thinks she is having with me. I'm just acting like nothing is going on and being my normal self. I hope this isn't the last positive memory I'll have with her. If it is, I'll definitely be sad, but I will live. Its ultimately her choice. I'm here, and I love her like my own child, but she needs to respect my authority as a parent or stay at her mom's house. She won't behave that way in my home.

That's all I got for this week. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there.

OYS #28

Sidebar: NMMNG, MMSLP, Pook, TWOTSM. Trillion Dollar Coach.

Stats: Career Beta, classic skinnyfat. 40, wife 40. Married 14 years. 4 kids (1 boy, 3 girls). 5'9. 168 (+ 2) lbs. 18% BF (Navy Method).

GSLP (5RM listed).

• Bench: 165
• OHP: 117.5
• SQ: 235
• Pendlay Row: 150 (+2.5)
• DL: 280

Ancillary shit:

• Curls: 62.5
• Skull Crushers: 55 (+5)
• Weighted Chinups: 20

Moving my workouts to the evenings sucks and I feel like I'm not getting the caliber of output I was lifting in the mornings. OTOH, I'm keeping with the BJJ, and thoroughly getting my ass kicked for several hours a week.

Career:

Started new job yesterday. Extremely in the weeds at the moment, and almost too busy to talk much about it.

Extracurriculars: One side business (a rental property) and 2 non-profit boards.

Finance: All pretty good so far. Have to survive until Mid-july without a paycheck, not concerned.

Health:

Eh. Toe and hand are finally better. Put on a couple of pounds from work celebration lunches / dinners / breakfasts with potential employees / etc. That'll be cleared out in a week.

Family/Home-Life:

More on this later. A grinding slog of a week.

Game and Sex

Wife was out sick the entire past week, went to the doctor and turns out she's got a severe immunodeficiency, which explains why she's out sick and quasi-bedridden at least one week per month, and has been for years.

Add that to her general anxiety problems, and her dismissive-avoidant style, and I've got my fucking work cut out for me.

Mission

Keep getting stronger. Be able to accomplish anything I want in my household. Have a great career. Share my gifts to the world. Build out my empire. Have a great relationship with my kids.

OYS 10 -

&#x200B;

35 yo, 6'2, 212lbs, 15% bodyfat, Married 8 years, together 13, 2 kids under 3

Lifts: re-running 3x5 novice progression Current lifts SQ - 225, PR - 97.5, BP - 185, DL - 290

Mission in progress.

&#x200B;

Why am I here? To find my frame and unplug - biggest thing that happened this week is birth of my 2nd kid. Wife and kid are healthy and everything went well. Working on less sleep and trying to be helpful without being a plow horse bitch.

Reading - NMMNG x2 (currently reading x3 and working exercises) Current - Breaking free 27 - 36 - Did some reading last week but did not complete BF exercises last week. Renewed commitment.

Pook, MMSLP in progress as well, focusing on NMMNG

Read - WISNIFG, WOTSM, NMMNG, Sidebar, a million OYS

Lifting - lifting 3x weekly - hitting PRs. I'll let you know when I get to the hard part.

Nutrition - slacked off here - weight up to 212 today. I look better with my shirt off than I did 4 weeks ago when starting weight lifting. I am going to continue to stay way on top of this by measuring my weight circumference weekly and making sure I don’t grow out of my clothes. I am also going to get back to eating 95% clean foods. A lot of the guideposts I use don’t really align to my goals - I don’t care if I weight 300 lbs if I am made of steel. I don’t want to get fluffy or eat a bunch of food and justify that I lift 3x week. I am working to get strong, feel good, remain healthy and look good.

Career - Taking a couple of weeks off around new kid arrival - grateful that I have people around that can pick up slack. My goal is to connect with directs daily and see how much we can get done with me working less than an hour a day. My judgement is that I waste time at work and can manage better. That it won’t take more time, It will just require me to be a man.

Family - a lot has come up here - really working to spend time with my older boy and help him adjust to the changes in life. He is doing a good job with it. It is nice to spend more time with him. Working to stay patient and not lose temper.

Relationship -

Still running passive dread for a few more weeks at least and working on myself. Using lots of STFU with shit test and compliance tests. I notice how I react when my wife tries to give me compliance tests on baby safety. I assume a lot of this stuff isn’t about me, and that she’s on a hormone tear. I don’t know if some of it is about me. Does she think I a wreck less or that I would hurt our kids with my incompetence or obliviousness?

I would appreciate feedback on this - the way I take this personally is a touchstone for how I live in my wife’s frame. STFU, Fogging would probably be good here. She can tell how I get irritated.

&#x200B;

Myself/Spiritual

Happy with my work this week - Sticking to the lifting and showing up at the labor the way I want.

I noticed how a man referred to being in MRP’s frame, and I still definitely see that in me - I want you men to judge that I am a snowflake, or that I am already RP and don’t need this. It isn’t one bit true. I voice it because it’s still hanging out there.

I am struggling with not being perfect (nice guy shit) and accepting that I am finding improvement. I judge that this process takes time, but that I could work harder. I look back each week on goals and writing that I had last week and they don’t fit. Sometimes I am just doing stream of conscious BS rather than OYS.

My goal this week is to spend a minimum of 15 doing real work (reading NMMNG and completing BF exercises, journaling, reading MMSLP or POOK). I have spent lots of time on here reading OYS and other men’s stories but it is a passive exercise relative to digging into my own work. It is time for me to start to develop MAP, Mission, ETC and really work to get through sidebar books.

15 minutes a day is designed to keep me from binging all of my work when it is time to OYS and not doing living in the work. 15 minutes a day is also not too large of a commitment and doesn’t set me up for failure. I need to juxtapose being accountable without being too hard on myself.

&#x200B;

Social - Connected with guys last week - plan to stay in touch with men even with being somewhat homebound.

Commitments -

• Lift - stay on task - doing well here
• Nutrition - eat clean 95% - not stuff my face just because I lift a little
• Career - Stay in contact with directs while I am out - Ensure work gets done even when not being at work.
• Family - STFU and stay out of kid’s and wife’s frame. Remember I am working out less sleep, and pass shit tests.
• Myself - 15 minutes of work daily.

OYS 24

Well, I’ve been failing comfort tests and not on purpose. That dynamic brought up a fight that made its way to another “main event" type of conversation. There may be some blind spots and ideas I'm not completely connecting on this, so here we go.

My attention has been directed elsewhere lately, rather than toward my wife. Combined with the stress of her trying and failing to get pregnant, the conversation boiled down to a bunch of shitty comfort tests.

A few highlights include the following:

“You always do X, Y, Z and it makes me feel..."

“I feel like I’m always having to prove my value to you!”

“You don’t really want me in your life!”

“I can’t take this anymore”

“You get to the point of saying ‘fuck it’ so quickly in our marriage.”

“I’m tired of you gaslighting me and picking apart my words.”

I looked her dead in the eyes and with full and complete control of my anger, I told her that I wasn’t going to be demonized in my own marriage and that I’d rather leave. I'm not going to take accountability and blame for every single bad feeling she's ever had in the context of our marriage. It’s not personal - I’m comfortable with being the bad guy if necessary but if the sole narrative is “wolf is the bad guy” then that relationship is not worth investing in.

If I had not been willing to walk out the door for good in that moment, I would have been incredibly incongruent. I have completely internalized the difference between being willing to nuke everything and, at the same time, preferring not to do so.

Once she was completely broken down in hysterics, I dialed back the anger and uncovered what the real issue was: my wife was afraid to invest in our marriage again because she was scared that I would hurt her and push her away as I did before. Fuck rule 9; this shit is relevant. The weaker version of me did a lot of damage to my marriage.

Once we addressed that main point, we talked about a few ways that we are both still competing in our marriage, and we discussed those. The cynicism from my abandonment issues runs deep, and that’s been creating a barrier to a meaningful connection with my wife. All I can say here is that the road from anger to resentment to cynicism to openness has been a long and winding one, and I’m still on it. I own that fully.

I explicitly told her that we need to destroy the scoreboard, and that idea was well received.

For the first time since our wedding, we actually made a very solid overt contract about what we want and need out of our marriage. I brought up five specific things that I need to have from my wife, and I asked her to do the same. Here's are mine:

• Desire
• Trust
• Respect
• Kindness
• Gratitude

I doubt anyone gives a fuck about her five things, but my wife’s are:

• Compassion
• Kindness
• Fondness
• Appreciation
• Gratitude

Within these 10 elements lies the key to understanding how the masculine and feminine polarity is taking shape in my marriage. The first three needs of mine are things I have to earn, and I fully own that. All five of my wife’s needs are given as gifts to a high value man that is worthy of them. As someone who skimmed through Way of The Superior Male rather quickly the first time through the sidebar, I need to dive back into it to better understand these lessons.

We also discussed the kind of behaviors we want to foster in our marriage, and the kind of behaviors that we want to avoid. The idea of negative and positive feedback loops is starting to become a theme, but I wanted to touch on it to make sure she understood my expectations. I’m not going to tolerate negative feedback loops in my marriage any more; it’s simply unconstructive.

After plenty of crying and snot bubbles and Kleenex, my wife ended our conversation with a question:

“Do you think you can uphold those things?”

Looking past the words themselves, what I heard was, “do you think you can do the work and be the man I want you to be?”

“Of course I can honey. Good night.”

Looking back, the last time this type of conversation happened my ego roared triumphantly. This time, unlike on New Year’s Eve, there were no feelings of victory and superiority - just peace, as per my mission. It seemed like a big, important fight that ended up being resolved rather cleanly, with a mutual understanding of the path forward and a sense of calm and closure.

Progress is progress.

OYS 0 - Introduction

30yo, 6’3”, 292 lbs. Wife 39yo, married 3, together 6. 2yo son

Lifts Gym reopened at 25%. Stats for next OYS.

Readings NMMNG (rereading), WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MMSLP, MAP, sidebar.

This first post is a picture of what happened, to own my shit, and highlight the mental models that have failed.

I’ve been lurking for 7 months and appreciating the wisdom of STFU, even in MRP, while internalizing these concepts. I did a private OYS and it took 4 months to be able to own my frame loss without being a bipolar self-pitying-beta/LARPing-alpha. I need accountability, so here I am.

Side-note: I tried to post last week. Hit the 10,000 character limit… had almost 40k characters. Re-read and realized I started with an entire section that was just validation-seeking that my wife is hot and then bitching about her… for fuck’s sake, STFU and stay in your frame.

The root comment is my failures, my MAP progress, and homework for next week. I’ve still put the condensed pill-taking narrative as a second comment, because I might as well throw some meat in the arena. Have fun, y'all.

--

Initial Failure

I let my vetting process go because my now-wife is hot. It was extremely validating to have exploratory, exhibitionist sex with an incredibly hot, educated woman who waxed her pussy. Even though she didn’t need my care, my inner nice guy sacrificed my identity for her anyways. I ignored the warning signs of “happy wife, happy life, yuk yuk” BP bullshit, the matrilineal culture of her family, absentee father and derivative abandonment issues, plus the accompanying “men can’t do anything” eye-rolling attitude (beta-bux stepdad). I took what was the (first) prime of my life and surrendered all of it for external validation, even when I didn’t like being with her. She was different than anyone I had dated before and I took that as a challenge.

Health Failure

My Granddad and I were distant until I entered grad school. Suddenly, we started relating as men. He grew from a distant, legendary family figure to a trusted mentor. When he died, my then-girlfriend jumped in to help - taking care of travel arrangements, making sure I was ready to deliver the eulogy, and joining my side.

Unfortunately, I failed to honor his memory by allowing the death to become an excuse. I stopped training for half-marathons, then stopped running entirely, and fell into a depression. I tried to solve it medically, instead of spiritually, and got on an SSRI. I ended up with serotonin syndrome, put on 50-80 lbs, and became a sexless manchild that my fiancee had to take care of, rather than a man adding value.

Sexual Failure

About two years into dating, right before I proposed, she found porn on my computer. She was livid and I went full DEER in my response. I acted like I was “wrong” to appease her. She lost her confidence and cut sex to a drip. The honest truth is that I was weak, lost my abundance mindset and stopped initiating after the SSRI and weight gain. I used porn as a way to avoid rejection of my needs, projecting that I didn’t want to “bother” her for sex when she was busy.

Financial Failure

After getting engaged, she got a great fellowship opportunity on the east coast. We decided to leave school before finishing our dissertations, and I would enter the workforce full-time to support our higher cost of living.

Unfortunately, things did not go according to plan. Hiring freezes pushed my start date back 3 months. I borrowed money from my Dad. We decided to tank my credit and I defaulted on several debts to stay afloat, reasoning we could use her credit alone to apply for things. I didn’t realize how much that would affect my own confidence and autonomy by handing over our now-joint finances to her.

Mindset Failure

Once we were married, I expected I would come home to my wife, we would fuck like newlyweds and build household bliss, like the early days of our relationship. However, I wasn’t attractive, worked from home for 3 years, and never gave a thought to creating any polarity or anticipation. I didn’t communicate my desire and was enervating rather than energizing. There was no abundance, just mutual resentment that I wasn’t the prize.

Career Failure

My nice guy tendencies boiled over into my work performance. I let her interrupt my work day in order to bring whatever she forgot that morning into town (90+ minute round trip), even if it was unnecessary. In terms of our polarity, it reinforced that not only did I not go into work, but my job wasn’t that busy and I wasn’t a critical part of my team. I sacrificed performance at 2 dream jobs, essentially finding my next job before I could get fired.

Social Failure

In our college town, I was the mayor - knew all the bartenders, bouncers, patrons - had multiple groups I’d go out with, did the rounds when I came in. It was my element. Had groups I did stuff outside of bars with - hiking, music, basketball, cycling...

When we moved, I stopped having a social life. Part of me thought we’d be moving back quickly, so why bother? The only people I talked to were my in-laws in the area and my D&D group, led by an in-law. (Leaving the house to shoot some hoops turned into D&D? Christ.)

Hobbies Failure

I stopped any hobbies - cycling, hiking, music, reading - hell, even drinking and gaming. I just became boring as fuck and stopped nurturing anything for myself. Every night got pissed away to “fuckarounditis”.

--

My MAP Today

Where am I today in rebuilding frame?

• Green
  • Finances - In November, I got pissed we were living paycheck-to-payckeck on $200k, so I sat down and started keeping the books. I realized we weren’t drowning, just carelessly spending what I made available. I reduced family spending to an allowance. Started paying off $4k/mo in debts, transferred everything in my name alone to 0% APR. Dave Ramsey’s show has been educational in practicing a get-out-of-debt mindset.
  • Hobbies - Joined a band before the virus and have had “virtual” practices the past few weeks, back to in-person this week. Also, I started hiking again and exploring my area. Tent and camping gear are on their way. Finally, I got a telescope for an evening meditative activity. Exploration and discovery are both important elements of my mission.
  • Social - Reaching out to old friends, remembering how much I enjoy chatting online. Band rehearsals are giving me a new social outlet. Weekly game night with my brothers is also helping - more about the voice chat than the game.
• Yellow
  • Career - Becoming engaged on my projects again, seeing great rewards. Not where I want it to be yet. Still owe lots of reports, but generally management is satisfied with my recent progress.
  • Mindset - Starting to feel abundance again. I am the point of origin. Wife’s moods are not affecting me. Still having trouble getting “stuck” though. Need to take more initiative in all aspects of my life.
  • Parenting - Lately I’ve been letting the screens babysit my kid instead of really engaging him. I need to make better plans for the 3 hours I have him in the morning.
• Red
  • Sex - No initiative. I can’t break through resistance, and know it’s a function of building attraction. Wife came to the gym with me the other night, fucked when we came back at my initiation.
  • Exercise - Gym reopened, still a fat fuck. Reached out to a personal trainer to get lifts started with good form.
  • Diet - Eating terribly. Need to set up a meal plan.

Homework

• Go to the gym and lift anyways.
  • Don’t allow the personal trainer to be an excuse of “I’ll start next week.”
• Create a meal plan for the next week.
• Resume daily journaling.
  • What I did.
  • What I didn’t do.
  • What was important?
• Finish rereading NMMNG.
• Come back for OYS 1 on Tuesday.
  • Have lifts to post.

Age - 34. Weight - 150. Height - 5'10" Lifts 5RM - Squat 205, Deadlift 255, Row 135, Bench Press 155. Reading - NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, WotSM, MAP. Relationship - Married 9 years, 5 year old son, 2 year old son.

Mission - To be the leader of myself and my family. To be a role model to my sons. To be fit and strong. To value experiences over things. To be really damn good at the work I do.

Physical - I was having difficulty doing the # of sets and weight increases on PHAT. Felt beat down, weak, tight, and had two small injuries to chest and neck. So, I moved back to 531 4 days per week. Going to stick with 531 for 6 months. Also going to try adding yoga 2 days per week for flexibility. It's easy to focus on which routine is best, when it's about working hard and eating well. Which routine isn't most important factor, consistency is.

I failed my goal of tracking calories. No excuse. I need to do this otherwise I'm working out and have no way of knowing if I'm eating enough to build muscle.

Last week, my wife asked if she could join me when I work out at home. I said sure. She has never wanted to work out with me in the last 10 years. She listened to my feedback and followed my routine. Not sure what to make of it.

Goal - Track calories every day until next OYS.

Career - I've lost interest in my 9-5 job, which has made it hard to stay focused. Need to fix this. I have been working on my career and made steady progress on a project for my portfolio. That project is actually interesting so easy to work on. Need to make projects at work more interesting to me.

Goal - Track time wasted at work on reddit. Replace with short walk, getting a drink, etc.

Financial - I had someone fix something at our house and they damaged our property. The business owner came out and made every excuse possible to not fix the property damage -

• "It's only cosmetic"
• "You know, mistakes happen in our line of work"
• "I'm sure you could fix this"

I was able to successfully employ Broken Record. I just keep saying things like,

• "Yes, it is cosmetic and I'd still like you to fix the cosmetic damage"
• "Yes, mistakes do happen. I'd like this mistake to be fixed by you."
• "Yes, I could fix this, however you damaged my property and I'd like you to fix the damage."

That section about how someone has 9 excuses and you just need to keep your broken record 10 times was true. He just gave up making excuses, made a few phone calls, and the damage was fixed in a week. I also mentioned that I would withhold the check until the damage was repaired. I didn't withhold the check, but I did consult a lawyer friend and talk through next steps, if needed. I am proud that I confronted this conflict. Normally, I would have not been assertive like this. It felt great to win. It helped me believe in that WISNIFG book.

Social - I've mostly spent time with neighbors and their kids as most social gatherings are cancelled due to COVID19. My one neighbor has to ask his wife for permission for everything. Get ice cream? Use that trampoline in the backyard? Go on a trip to the lake? Let me ask my wife. It was irritating to watch how a he gave up the control of his own life simply to avoid conflict with his wife. Yes, she might not agree with us going in the backyard onto the trampoline, COVID is going to get us. Suck it up and make a decision that you feel is right, even if someone disagrees. Lately, I have been doing things knowing full well that my wife will disagree and it might lead to conflict. Before, I would have this internal monolog, WWWD? What Would Wife Do? I'm trying to kill that shit. I tell myself I'd rather face the disagreement on what to do than face being disappointed in myself for giving up control over my own life and decisions.

Marriage / Sex - This week I had an argument with my wife. Apparently I do not care enough about her hobbies / interest and I belittle or dismiss her when talking about them. At first, I DEER'ed so hard. I disagreed and then explained how I do show an interest in her hobbies. I gave examples to support my argument. Then, I realized I DEER'ed and STFU.

We agreed to continue the conversation that night. This gave me time to prepare. I reviewed WISNIFG and concepts like Agree With Truth / Negative Assertion / Negative Inquiry / Workable Compromise before round 2.

When the discussion came, I listened and then agreed with what she said,

• "Yes, your interest in ___ is not as important to me as it is to you."
• "Your right, I don't care that much about ___."
• "Yes, I agree, I can be dismissive when you talk about ___. That is mean of me, isn't it?"
• "I don't understand, what's wrong with not caring about where we plant the flowers?"
• "How about this, I'll work on being respectful of how you spend your time and your interests in ___." to which she responded, "Is there something I should work on?"

The conversation lasted all of 10 minutes and it was calm the entire time. It felt good to just say the truth. I wasn't ashamed about not caring about certain things. However I don't want to be a man that belittles or dismisses people. I have no control over how she spends her time and I shouldn't judge her interests / hobbies.

Afterwards was a clear comfort test with hugs and "Do you think I'm interesting?" I recognized this comfort test and gave comfort, "Yes I think your interesting. That's why I'm still here with you. That and your nice ass." Later that night it was BJ's and good sex. She was all into it trying to please me. Trying not to validate myself through that sex, but I just noticed a change in sexual behavior after this argument.

The WISNIFG strategies work, it's just not natural yet. It doesn't just come out without thinking. Need to keep working on this.

I'm doing a NMMNG Breaking Free Activity each OYS.

NMMNG Breaking Free #2

Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a significant compelling reason for him to do so? Why do people try to change who they really are?

It seems rational because people want to be liked and accepted by others. You can get validation from friends, family, coworkers, and sexual partners when they show acceptance of you. So you might hide certain things or eliminate certain things that you think other people wouldn't approve of or agree with. This way, they will like you more. It reminds me of middle / high school when you change yourself to be accepted by the cool kids, girls, etc.

People can also change who they are to improve themselves, not for any external reasons. If I want to be strong and fit, I will need to change who I am, how I spend my time, what I value. If I want to be strong and fit for intrinsic reasons, then I think that's a positive thing. Part of this MRP community is about changing ourselves, but changing ourselves for us, not anyone else.

4th OYS

Stats: 42, Married 11 years, together 16. 2 kids under 10.

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Subtle Art, Unfuck Yourself, SGM, Models. WOTSM is up next, although I think I would benefit more from a reread of NMMNG.

Physical: 5’9”, 162 lbs. BF% via Navy method estimated at 15%. Measure 31.5” navel (down 0.5”) and 15” neck.

Lifts: Started Bigger Leaner Stronger PPL Deadlift: 225x6, Squat 225x6, Bench 155x5. Deadlift is ready to go up in weight; the video of my squat showed I need to get lower so will leave it as is until I do better.

Additional fitness goals: HIIT 3x per week - missed, completed only 1

8 km run 1x per week - missed last week

Nutrition: Eating 500 cal deficit from TDEE. Macro target 35% Protein, 30% fat, 35% Carbs. Actual results continue to be short on protein and high on fat. Indulged over the weekend on food and booze due to some special events. Now back at it, no worse for wear, as per the scale.

Relationship: Had a good week. She had a milestone birthday, and I did the best I could to make it a good one considering the restrictions. Sex was good and frequent - it has come a long way since the problems that first brought me here. There is a lot more interest and effort since the starfish days. It’s still pretty mechanical, though - we have a few go-tos that do the job for her a couple of times, then I finish. I recently read SGM and in particular need to focus on improving the D and the V. I’m certain she’s into it, I just need to lead her there.

Leadership and Social: I organized an event for the birthday, and it turned out really well, given the challenging circumstances. We have a lot of good people in our life, and this weekend showed how the effort we’ve put in over the past few years have strengthened our social ties. A number of things are now planned for the summer to look forward to.

On my to-do list is figure out what to do with the kids all summer. Normally we’d have all camps planned out back in March. Things are starting to open up in modified ways so I need to get on that before everything fills up.

Career: I struggle with motivation, and am procrastinating terribly. I have a major project I’m about to push over the line. There’s a vacuum of leadership on it, and while it’s not my job per se I pretty much have to drive it at this point. It involves offices from around the globe - some are urgently on board to get it going, others couldn’t give a shit. Trying to corral all the parties, as well as the executive sponsor who bounces in and out of it, is challenging. But, I need to get the SOW and contract executed by month end. Time to get to it.

OYS: 23

37yo, 6’1”, 193lbs, 12%bf (Calipers). Married 9 yrs, together 12. 2 kids, 5 & 3. Bench 320, OHP 180, Squat 310

Read: Rational Male, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNFG, Book of Pook, SGM, Models, Bang, Day Bang

Reading: Power of NOW

Swallowed the pill 9/2017, OYS since 9/2019

&#x200B;

Mental: Focused on being positive, expansive, unaffected by the world. I’ve got a ways to go here. I’ll find myself angry for… no good reason. Something small that I’ve let piss me off. I’m realizing that it’s actually fairly performative. I get mad to show that I’m mad, to show that someone else’s behavior isn’t good enough, or show that I’m not pleased with how I’ve performed in a given situation. I did this when I was a kid too. I’ve recognized it was how I kept attention in those times when I wasn’t doing well enough to get praise. Today, I’m just being a bitch. Now to keep catching myself in the act and correcting. Goal: visualize and live the attitude I want to have. Irrepressibly positive, in control of every situation, *especially* when others are behaving badly.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

Physical: Consistency + Sleep has been pretty transformational during lockdown. No surprise, except that I’d have told you before COVID that I *WAS* being consistent and getting good sleep. Really, though, the difference is pretty material. I’m getting 30-60 minutes more sleep, and working out on average 5 days / week instead of 4. The workouts themselves are about the same, though I’m probably a little more consistent in getting through all my exercises. So, 25% more workouts, \~10% more sleep and wow are the numbers going up. With the home gym, I should be able to keep this going even as things get back to normal… excited to see where the next plateau is for my lifts. Goal: Hit new PRs across all of my compounds in June.

&#x200B;

Social: Still dogshit, relatively speaking, but improving. Had 2 social interactions outside the house, but the world is much smaller right now than it was 6 months ago. Goal: Start getting out of the house 2x/week, for social interactions of some kind.

Family: Kids are great, but I’ve gotten a little lazy with them and haven’t been doing enough this past week to engage them. This is the best time of the year where I live, and we need to be out taking advantage of it. Goal: Keep the engagement up. Keep leading, keep teaching, keep having fun.

&#x200B;

Relationship: I’m too interested in what she thinks (see last week) and I’m not leading. I’ve improved here a TON, and she’s so, SO much more focused on my leadership, but I still have a ways to go. Signs of progress this week were her talking about getting sex as a reward for her for behaving well, and repeated mentions that she was glad to have my leadership with difficult / complex decisions. progress. Goal: Give no fucks and focus on really understanding what I want from all of this. Express those desires. Straightforward enough.

OYS#5

3 months since last OYS. No excuses for not posting. Have been journalling but fell into a slump. Just being a lazy faggot for the most part.

Stats: 37yo 5'9" 201lbs (-6 lbs from last OYS and -8 from OYS1) \~ 24%BF, wife 37yo, married 13 yrs, kids 2 - 10 and 4.

&#x200B;

Reading

Have read almost all of the sidebar. Reread of NMMNG also done - I found it resonating with me a lot more this time. I have to read it again and work through the exercises within the next 1 month. I am reading Power of Now right now. A very interesting book. Before this I read Six pillars of Self Esteem - another very good book - I can clearly see I have a lot of self esteem issues and a lot of it is lack of congruency with who I am and who I present to the world. This also ties into NMMNG.

&#x200B;

Physical

3×5 working weights SQ 200, BP 170, OHP 105, BR 155, DL 300. Lifting 5 days a week at minimum.

I am on a cut right now so it has not been easy pushing weight higher though I have had some progress since last OYS. But I have also been guilty of fuckarounditis at times. Especially on the diet. Been doing a Keto/slightly relaxed PSMF type of diet for the last 1-2 months. I have lost weight but nowhere near what could have been possible if I were more strict. I stick to it during the week and then binge on Friday/Saturday undoing a lot of progress. Time to be more strict - need to lose around 20 pounds in next 4 months - because this is where I have potential for most improvement.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

I have been at this for almost a year now. My life right now is like night and day compared to where I was a year back. But I still have a ton of issues I need to fix. Ton of areas where I am not OYS - where I am being a lazy faggot. And there is no excuse for that. I am back to OYS to keep myself accountable. I am using a different format this time - will go back to the old one from next time.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

What has gone well?

I care less about what other people think. I am beginning to find some semblance of my sense of self. What is it that I want? This is however slow progress for me. A lifetime of living in others frames has been difficult to alter.

I am staying out of her head a lot. But still wander in there from time to time. What I see there is nothing more than my own insecurities reflected back at me. In other words, I need to not care at all what she thinks about anything and do what I want to do. Live life on my own terms.

I have taken my career/work and moved it to a different level completely over the last 1 year. I agree with a lot of what Dr Glover says in NMMNG - Nice guys self sabotage. Owning my shit, following strict discipline/process, taking what I learnt here into my work - all of this made huge differences that I could not even have believed possible a while back. For context, I pulled in 5X $ last month what I pulled in around a year back. This is huge and made a big difference in everything. I was just coasting before. I got my drive and mojo back. There is a lot more I can do here and it also ties in with my mission.

I was a fat slob. Lost around 25-30 lb and put on some muscle since starting. I look VERY different from around a year back. But this is also another area I am fucking up in terms of how much more I could have done.

Sex and relationship. Once again night and day from a year back. Sex is around 2-3 times a week. If no sex, usually a BJ. I am staying out of her head for the most part. I am telling myself not to care about her orgasm and am successful for the most part. I am doing what I want mostly without getting into her frame. But there is still a lot of room for improvement. I still get a little butthurt at times on rejections but this is much much better than before. I have a lot more work to do here though. I need to really stop getting into her head when it comes to sex. I also need to really differentiate between when I am initiating for validation vs just wanting sex. I find it difficult at times to make this distinction - I am not sure if that is just me…

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

Where am I guilty of fuckarounditis/ Where I need to be better?

Physical - I could have done a lot much more here. I have only managed to lose 8-9 lbs in the last 6 months. I yo-yo between plans and diets instead of sticking with something. I moved from OMAD to calorie counting to PSMF to….. whatever.. you get the picture. I stick to it for some time just say fuck it in one day and binge eat. There is no excuse here. You get what you put in and I am not putting in enough right now.

I have been drinking too much. This ties in with above/losing weight. I drink once a week on Friday but it is around 5 drinks some weeks and this leads to bad food choices as well. I am making a commitment in this OYS to not drink at all for 3 weeks and then re-evaluate my relation with alcohol afterward. This will also help with the physical above.

I have been watching porn on and off. I stay away for a week maybe more but then always fall back into the cycle of watching again. I want to stay away but boredom, stress, loneliness - all of these at times - I choose porn as an escape mechanism. There is no excuse for this because porn is a shitty escape method and it has a lot of other issues. The shame, blame of self, loss of self image - all of this adversely affects in other areas. And it fucking makes me lazy. What am I doing here? I have made a commitment to join a mens group online for this - they will have weekly meetings and general fellowship. I think this will help a lot. In addition to this, I will post in OYS here going forward to keep myself accountable.

Lifting - I should be much more ahead that what I am right now. The physical aspects I wrote of above are holding me back. Fix that and I will have room to improve this too.

Staying in my head/Overthinking/Anxiety - Yes I have all of these problems. It is better than where I was but I still have it. I am working on this. But have to admit I am too fucking fearful of everything. I care too much about what others think about me - still. I have to keep telling myself I am my own judge and I am the only one who should decide how I should feel - no one else has any power over me. I am working through exercises in the self esteem book, NMMNG.. reading through Power of Now right now - and I think this also will help. I need to get out of my comfort zone more.

Making friends - Another area where I suck. This kind of ties in with above. I have close friends but they are all old friends. With things opening up, I need to make more of an effort to get out more and make new friends.

&#x200B;

In spite of all the issues, on the whole, I like my life now compared to where I was. I am no longer a passive participant in my own life. I lead my family. I have a mission. Lots to do. Lots to work on.

OYS #12

Age: 39, Wife: 36, Married 11 years, Together 17 Years, Two Kids under 10

Height: 6’2”, Weight: 240, Body Fat: 25% (Navy

Estimated)

Lifts: Bench: 230 x 5, Squat: 405x 2, Dead: 405 x 4, Pull Up: Body Weight x3. Program Jet Fit 5 Day Muscle Mass Split.

Read- MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, RM 1, 2, TWOTSM, Poon, Pook, HTWFAIP, Game, Day Bang, FuccFiles

MAP Reading: Working On Troy Francis renegade dating blueprint (1 Day a week). I am still working on reviewing WISNIFG with my journal chapter by chapter to better understand and lock in the concepts. Still working on this book ( 1 Day a Week). Reading has come to a halt; I have been outside each night working on getting projects done.

Mission: Take 12 months to get myself in order and work on wrong mental models to give me the tools to clarify and create my mission.

Fitness:

I made it to the gym four times this week. I missed one day this week with some kidney issues that I am working with my doctor to get them fixed.

I walked/ jogged to the gym each for three workouts. I took my son for one early morning session.

Goal: Make Gym Round Trip of 4 Miles average 12 this has been moved to July 1st as I did not make it to 12 minutes I averaged 14.

I set my goal calories at 2,200 per day; this gives me an average deficit of 700 calories per day. I have downloaded my fitness pal to track my food and started to measure all of my food to be as accurate. I calculate it will take 5.5 months to reach my goal.

Relationship:

&#x200B;

It has been a good week between the wife and I as I have been more playful, she also is slightly more playful, and I have noticed that as I have used more sexual innuendoes, she is starting to as well. Being more playful is a change from the past where it was much more a business-type relationship, where my shitty attitude and angry demeanor had sucked all the fun out of me and, in turn, our interactions. I have been reading some articles and reviewing my journal and thoughts. I realized that I have been very overtly sexual with my Kino, focusing on the parts of the body I like ass and breasts. In my reading, I have started to try to use an escalation ladder approach where I begin early in the day and rub across and arm and then a shoulder and back and to do this slowly as it is a change in my behavior. My goal in this is to keep my touch sexual but to work on building sexual tension throughout the day.

&#x200B;

I initiated twice this week, and in both cases, I was turned down, and I stated ok and moved on to other takes I had planned for the day. The first time I came downstairs to switch my laundry around and to check my work email. I felt that bit of anger starts in the back of my head, and then the advice of  SBIII ran through my head that I was becoming the pissy little boy and at this point, I had to decide am I going to leave and be pissy or be around the house and be pissy? I decided that neither of those was attractive outcomes or would move towards where I want to go; instead, I asked myself what are you going to do about it? I decided that when I saw her again, I would continue to Kino her as if her saying no to me never happened.

Mindset:

&#x200B;

Thank You to johneyapocalypse for sharing this post with me. I feel like I am at war with myself.. His response has helped me to see how weak I am and just how hard I have been working to see other people as pawns in my personal chess game, and then I get upset when they do not react the way that I wanted them too. It also helped me to see how in remaining angry, no one else cares that I am mad. The only person that has ever cared if I am angry is me, and then I get stuck in a cycle of being angry as a way not to have to do the work to get better or to take the blame as my own as I have handed my power to anger. As well, in my anger, I have overlooked my own shortcomings as a man and spent too much time blaming other's faults.

&#x200B;

I have spent my downtime this week reflecting on this post. I have read this post every morning as a way to start to calibrate my day on the understanding that I have to figure out what I want out of life and what I want to do each and every day. I understand now that every minute that I am angry is a minute that I waste towards figuring out who I am and making a plan for who I want to be. This week I feel like the war within myself has ended, and now my challenge is to figure out who I am. What I thought I suppose to do in life has made me miserable, and currently, I must struggle to find what makes me happy.

&#x200B;

Things From Last Week-

1- Get 6 Cardio and 5 Lifts In this Week- (4 and 4 Fail)

2- Get 4 Morning Sprint Workouts with Son- (1 Fail)

3- Get Pool Heater Plumbed in and Propane Tank in and Pool Heater Going- (Completed)

4- Get Fire Pit Center Fire Ring Built-(Failed)

5- Finish Fire Pit Retaining Wall Dirt Work and Plant Grass Seed( Dirt work done, Grass not planted- Fail)

6- Get out on the Motorcycle- (Completed)

&#x200B;

Things for this Week

1. Get 6 Cardio and 5 Lifts in this Week

2. Get 2 Morning Sprint Workouts in with Son

3. Get Fire Pit Center Ring Built

4. Get a Round of Golf In with a Buddy

5. Get Out on the Kayak

6. Journal Some Ideas of Hobbies that I want to try.

OYS 47 - Geezer edition

Age 64 Ht 5'11" Wt 169 Wife 66 Married 43 Together 46

Reading TRM(v3)

A quote from TRM(v3) that hit home: "When a man is faced with the prospect of rebuilding himself after living so long under false pretenses, after having all he believed he was building turn up to be a lifetime of wasted effort, he’s faced with two real options; recreate himself or destroy himself.[...] the majority of men (Betas) more commonly don’t have the personal strength to recreate themselves." The first time this happened, after ten years together, I did try to destroy myself. The second time, 35 years later I had begun the re-creation process and did not.

Physical

Good news! The nearby franchise gym (Anytime Fitness) is now open a real 24 hours a day - so I can go at 3am and be back "at work" in time for calls with UK and Budapest. It is not perfect - the squat rack doesn't have "spotter bars" and it only has 5lb increment dumbbells. It does have cables, lat pulldown, etc, so I signed up. For now I didn't try for any "max", I just wanted to see if I still remembered how to do a proper squat etc at all.

For you kids (anyone under 50) the message is "lift" to raise your SMV, for discipline, etc. If you are 50 and up, it is a matter of life and death. The book "Younger Next Year" describes the metabolic benefits of the recovery cascade from lifting heavy. Joint health, bone density, etc, etc, it's all true and you need to start and keep it up. For me there is not a better way to start your day than the mental boost you get from a good workout.

Let's talk about death

I appreciate the support I've gotten about OYS-ing here as "such an old guy". Of course I don't think of myself as old - who does? Actuarially I'm closer to death than you are - I'm eligible for Medicare in just a couple weeks. But mentally I've been close to death, even eager for death, since 1983. I've tried to commit suicide a few times - car "accident", gun, CO2, but it has no appeal anymore. I give credit to Rollo Tomassi and the first volume of TRM. As painful as it was to see myself flayed alive in print, it was the turning point, an awakening. My mental state is still a matter of "work", and always will be.

Now there is the danger for "old people" for death by covid. The son of a friend from church caught it and died back in March. So I know it is real. I wouldn't want to contribute to someone getting it. But for me at this point I don't care. If I get it, I get it. If I die, that's one less geezer leaching off my kids and grandkids for Social Security. And honestly, won't the world be a better place if there were fewer boomers? My only concern is for the people who have to sort through all my crap I've left behind.

But having hit bottom - fellating a Glock - and been at this climb back for a while, a continuing part of my work is to stay focused on refining what I've learned here and enjoying the climb.

So what about this dichotomy - enjoying life and lifting, yet at one time being eager for death, and comfortable with it now? I'm sure this is why I spent so much time with the Stoics, they had this figured out.

Relationship

She now pushes polarity. Games me during the day.There were a couple flashes of (unspoken) "Is this really you?" and "Are you done being a bitch?" type tests. My go-to is now to push even harder in response.

The evening after going back to the gym, she started demanding cavemanning, which I suppose may be another prove-you're-not-a-bitch-test. Each time you level up you face a tougher boss fight. Then Sunday in the middle of the night she woke me up for another round of CM. Why overthink it? It is the first time that's happened since we were teenagers.

Things I'm working on

Strength, form, and trying to remember "which end of the barbell is up".

Keeping my head down at work.

Goofing off

Fiction reading, computer games.

OYS #12 |11|10|9|8|7|6|5|4|3|2|1

27yo 5'5 \~141lbs (\~20%BF by photo method, 15 by navy method), single, no kids

Lifts (post-covid, LBs): DL 225x8, B 125x9, OHP 95x7, Front Squat 95x10, Leg press 355x10, Pull-ups BW+0x8

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, Poon, Pook, Atomic Habits, TRM, Predictably Irrational, 48LOP, Sapiens, Homo Deus, Fooled By Randomness, The Black Swan, The Bed of Procrustes, Antifragile, Skin in the game

Currently reading: RP Sidebar posts and associated rabbit holes

Short-term goals from last time

• Deliver on 1 of 2 remaining pre-MVP engineering milestones - both milestones have been hit, working on devops/networking now and deploying in the next day or two
• Lift 5 times - missed it - lost access to the gym. Doing pull-ups, push-ups, swimming, and kayaking
• Wake up on time - got it
• Go to sleep on time - missed it - this one doesn't really make sense anymore because of my current social situation
• Run as much as is reasonable based on how my foot feels - didn't run at all. Foot pain is pretty bad. Not too worried though.

Physical

Lost access to the gym again. No worries. I have accepted that I'll lose a month of progress and am happy to be doing what I can in the meantime -- ring pull-ups, push-ups, and being active outdoors. It's not ideal, but I would rather be on the road now and sample a bit of the digital nomad lifestyle while I can do it for free.

Foot hurts a lot. Feels a bit like a stress fracture. Probably isn't, but I'm not in a hurry so rest and cross-training are on the menu.

I made the conscious choice to sacrifice the gym for a brief period of time, and I can tell that I miss it, even though I'm weak as fuck. Ah well.

Pushups and pull-ups being done a bit judiciously -- I don't want to fall back into overuse injuries on my elbows. Seems like extreme high reps bother me a lot more than weight does. Goal is to get to the point where sets of 10 bodyweight pull-ups are pretty easy, then do sets of 5 adding weight.

Social and dating

I am couchsurfing at the moment and reconnecting with old friends. Haven't put any focus whatsoever on meeting and fucking women because I would much rather spend my limited time with said friends.

Mission (find my edge and set the foundation for sustainably and happily living at it)

I have managed to convince the executives at work to green-light a major speculative r&d style project for Q3 and potentially Q4 depending on how Q3 goes. This is an exciting opportunity for me to learn a lot in fields that I don't know much about but would like to learn more (data engineering and machine learning).

Nobody at work knows much about what we're doing or how we should expect it to go, which means nobody will be able to evaluate my work. There won't really be any structure or instructions for me to follow. This means that I'll need to self-impose some structure or else risk squandering the opportunity sitting on my ass and coasting. I may discuss this in future OYS posts -- I probably should.

The side project is going well. The friend I'm currently staying with works longer hours than I do, so I have gotten a bit of built-in time each day to work on side project work. As stated earlier, I'm about to do a major deploy and launch the MVP. I took on a lot of technical debt to make it this far, so the next steps will be to untangle the mess I made while getting feedback on the MVP. After that, adding features and whatnot.

General Mindset

Mindset has been... interesting. In 2020 I started lifting in earnest and it became a major part of my routine. When gyms closed for COVID, I felt intense despair. Eventually I made my peace with it, and finally in June I had the opportunity to start lifting weights again. Even though mentally I was at peace with not being able to lift, once I was able to start again it was a huge boon to my mentality. Despite this, I've chosen to give it up for a little while longer. A past version of me would have either never made the sacrifice or languished in self-pity about sub-optimal circumstances. Current me feels pain but understands that it's worth it for the unique opportunity to deepen important relationships in my life.

Confidence is continuing to grow. I no longer hate myself. I've always been optimistic about my future, but it's always been unhealthy -- "future me definitely won't suck the way current me does". Now it's closer to "future me is fucking awesome -- current me will eventually get there, and is a pretty cool dude in his own right".

Goals for next time

• Deploy side project MVP and start getting feedback
• Make a plan to unravel technical debt related to MVP
• Pull-ups 3x
• Push-ups 3x
• Swim/Kayak 3x
• Be completely present during interactions with friends, give myself completely to them

OYS 62

I guess I’m lucky

In my last OYS I outlined the difficulties I face with anxiety, and my concern for the upcoming three field trips. I’m now two days into my last field trip.

I have handled all of the trips far better than expected. Anxiety, while still there at certain times, has been under control. I did have a moment today – I moved from the main site to an exploration site, and had it pop up once I realised how grim the accommodation was. This sort of thing is exactly what would normally knock me over entirely. I took stock, thought about it, considered my emotions and decided that yeah, I can handle this.

The other two trips have been a breeze compared to how I usually fair. It hasn’t been perfect, as I did get anxious before each trip but it was more muted and manageable than in the past. I felt down when I had my birthday in the field by myself. Feeling down however, is not anxiety.

I wish I could pinpoint why it has been far easier for me. Field trips have been an issue for me since … forever. I haven’t been focusing on a specific coping mechanism or strategy; the anxiety wasn’t intense enough to require it. I have noticed that I am able to understand the worry, the belief and the prediction behind some of the thoughts (cheers /u/foxshitnasty83) but they haven’t come with the overwhelming emotion that usually follows. So I didn’t do anything consciously. It may be one of two things. First idea is that I’ve done so many field trips to new places that I feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. My second theory is that I’ve made an internal change somewhere along the line, and I either now have better mental models, or that I’ve become more adaptable and accepting of change. Maybe its neither, maybe its both.

Either way, for me, this is big. It’s a change to something that I’ve had to deal with my entire life. It’s improving. And I’m pretty fucking happy about it. I can fucking handle things. It's a breakthrough that is more important to me than anything else that has happened so far. Fuck yeah. My 'limit of shit I can handle' has increased.

&nbsp;

Weekend away

I had a weekend away in between the field trips. My wife organised the whole thing for my birthday, from accommodation, to dinner and lunch bookings, to activities to do each day. It was an awesome weekend. She did a fantastic job. There was a special outfit planned which I derailed by ahem railing her before she could get it ready. So that’s been postponed to another weekend. I mention it as I am aware and appreciative of the value add. In addition to this she has taken up other responsibilities that I would usually organise while I am away e.g. getting quotes and actioning kitchen renovations (after I’ve reviewed and given it the green light). It’s making my life easier and it is appreciated.

&nbsp;

Mental

Something has clicked. Not just with the anxiety, but everything. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it feels like I’m playing life on easy mode. Maybe that’s not the right term. I’m still working hard, but life feels somewhat effortless. Like there are no big issues, only inconveniences. And I either care enough to deal with them, or I don’t.

OYS #32 6/23/20

First OYS on 3/12/19

Stats: 6’2”, 210lbs (+2), 40 years old, wife 41, married 7 together 9, 2 kids. Lifts: 235 lbs (+5) bench is my 4 rep max. Read: Sidebar books++.

Relationship

Been getting a barrage of tests the last week or so. I think they’re mostly shit tests. Wife has come into bedroom after putting daughter down for bed saying I’m tired or I have a headache to set the tone for no sex on certain nights. Sex frequency has dipped a bit last couple of weeks but quality has remained high. She is wearing outfits and BJ are more enthusiastic. A BJ today is 400% better than a BJ from her last year, I was getting duty BJ’s vs now getting HVM BJs where she is moaning during them, different world. I do not like when she walks into the room and telegraphs “no sex” though. Maybe once and a while, but it’s happened a handful of times.

I still explain too much to her. My wife will make fun of some of my friends for being pussies and walked on by their wives…she’s right and I agree with her. Too often I explain exactly why they are scared of their women…this does amount to talking about fight club and I really need to stop. I am genuine though when I express that I would leave if I were them in a heartbeat and that I would be content being single if I weren’t happy in my marriage. It’s congruent so she believes me, maybe this is what’s saving me from really destroying attraction but I need to sharpen up and STFU up about anything redpill related.

Fitness

I was being really stupid with my diet. I’m taking ibutamoren to gain muscle but I was not eating enough and I was eating way too few carbs. I love having abs and I try to maintain them too much. I was eating a shit ton of protein but it was not the right diet. I have forced myself to accept gaining a little fat while I bulk. This has been difficult to mentally accept but it’s just for 2-4 weeks. I’m lifting more than ever and I’m still doing cardio 3x a week (as opposed to 7-10 when training for triathlons). Eating like I was eating was just spinning my wheels and not fully capturing the results from the work I am putting in the gym.

OYS 28

30y, height: 186cm, waist: 86cm, neck: 38cm, 85.8kg, navy: 16%. wife 26 married 1 year, together 5 years. 0 kids.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNGx3, TWOTSMx4, Pookx4, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Mythx2, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit

Currently reading: 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

Physical

Continuing with a minor cut until gyms reopen which is at least 2 weeks away. Continuing to IF for 16 hours 2 days a week and will be increasing this to 4 days a week. Will increase my protein intake to compensate. Still consistent with doing my body weight exercises, and it does wind me but the lack of any progression from being able to increase the weight on the bar is feedback that I’m lacking. I am increasing reps but I’ve been lazy to change to harder variations. I’ve likely just maintained my upper body strength the last 3 months while losing leg strength.

This is my week off work and last week really screwed up my schedule as I overworked. Going to re-establish my stature exercises, and including mewing as well to help my facial structure. Going to sleep earlier after sleeping at 2-3am constantly. Latest 1am this week, aiming midnight. Going to sign up to a GP and make inroads to getting my blood tested. I’ll also try to get cialis from this as well. I have performance anxiety especially when I’m only having sex once a week which makes it really hard to cave man. Also going to buy a bathmate which is a penis pump and give that a try. I don’t think I particularly self-deprecate on my penis size, I’m just willing to try anything to get an advantage. I’m already thinking about my wife’s frame when it comes to this and if she realises what it is for, I’ll likely get shit-tested that my penis is already large enough and she's already satisfied, but I'm not satisfied.

Finance/Career

8 days until my ESPP stocks become long term so waiting for that to sell out of my company’s stocks. Researching into personal finance and FIRE, planing to invest into Vanguard ETFs. Also set up a few minor tasks to review my expenditure on bills and review articles from Money Saving Expert. In my week off, aside from doing the above, I’ll start and mostly complete my taxes. Even though I am off all week, I’m still distracted by work and some anxiety for not being on and monitoring. I left some tasks open that I was meant to complete before my leave and I am likely to go online to do them at some point during my holiday.

Mental

Struggled with getting through the 6 pillar exercises every day while also juggling work. I’ll only be able to do it in the morning if I don’t log into my work emails. The sentence completions take a solid hour undistracted. As I am off this week, I’ll be doing week 1 again all of this week to try to establish the habit for when I return to work next week. Doing these exercises also sidetracked me from having time to read daily last week.

Also watched a Joe Rogan podcast with Dr. Phil and he made a poignant point where because of where my self-esteem sits, I am of the view that I am already at the limit of what I am worthy of achieving. This is why I self-sabotage. I need to fix my self-esteem issues so that I can consider myself worthy of more in this lifetime. Working on this with the sentence completion exercises, meditation and visualisation.

I was definitely distracted with getting some sexual validation last week while my wife was on her period and after I had bought her a new phone. Although I was aware of the covert contract, it didn’t stop me from wanting the validation. I’m still getting into my wife’s head, allowing her complaints about her own feelings, frustration and tiredness cause me to justify that initiating will just lead to a rejection, and that it would be inconsiderate of her feelings to initiate. I need to man up and just initiate regardless, as I’m just frustrating myself by not taking ownership of what I can do.

OYS #8 (last oys here

Been a couple of months. The virus stripped away all my gigs so I have been pretty much a stay at home dad for a while. I kept the diet and home workouts up at least. Haven't been reading a lot or posting OYS at all though. Time to get my fat ass back to the locker room.

FITNESS 6'1, 184lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles).

(Lifts pre-lockdown) Squat 5x5 115lbs Deadlift 3x5 180lbs Bench 5x5 95lbs Press 5x5 80lbs Row 5x5 105lbs

Have been working out regularly (like 4 times a week for the last two months) at home with dumbbells and body weight exercises. I'm still getting sore so I guess I'm doing something right. Diet still pretty much on point. Counting calories and protein. Have lost 4lbs but still dad bodied of course. Gym reopened last week, I'm going back there tonight, will probably lower the weights a bit to ease back into it.

I have lost about 6lbs since I last measured BF%, gonna try the navy method again sometime this week to see if something has happened there.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits

Have been a poor reader the last couple of months. No excuse really. Have been re-reading Unchained Man the last week. The chapters on mission and goals are great and my mission is slowly starting to form. I realise I'll have a hard time reaching an "Alpha 2.0" lifestyle, but I'm steering in that direction as much as I can. Looked for an audiobook version of Models, but couldn't find it in the Kindle store. Started reading "Ego is the enemy" instead but having a hard time applying most of it on a recovering nice guy faggot life. Seems more aimed at the alpha asshole market.

Meditation going slowly. I decided to ditch the Waking up app and just do un-guided meditations every day, the guiding voice just breaks my concentration. Didn't turn out to be every day of course. But now I'm fucking going back to it. It's just 10 minutes a day. Gotta find a time slot for it eventually. Directly after workout but before eating is usually when it is most rewarding.

RELATIONSHIP The fetch quests have diminished a lot. On the other hand, she has been starting to shit test me in the car, nagging at me to slow down, let her pick the music etc. I'm taking the opportunity to practice shutting the fuck up. It's going all right.

She has actually begun going to the gym for the first time in her life. The weeks before she did, she was throwing shit at me for being vain and faggy for caring about my looks. Could be that she is starting to feel her SMV slipping behind. She has also turned up the flirt-and-sex dial a notch.

Since I have been home with the kids a lot the last couple of months, I have taken command of the house. I'm owning a lot of shit and have started experiment more in the kitchen. The kids love my clean food. Wife not so much, she can sit over there guzzling her french fries with sauce bernaise for all I care. More protein and vitamins for me and the kids.

Have been getting at least some kind of sex once-twice a week for the last month. She still procrastinates it a couple of days every time, but at least it's happening in the end. I'm used to infinite empty promises of "tomorrow" so this is a nice change. I have been trying to be more dominant, tried more dirty talk, and actually finish inside her (since I fap way less often, I'm not taking forever to finish anymore). Still some whining from time to time that "she has a lower sex drive than me" yadda yadda. Well, now shark week is upon us. Got a handjob all over her tits yesterday despite that. I consider that progress.

SOCIAL A friend had a birthday picnic a couple of weeks ago. I managed to get a bunch of the old gang there to surprise him. Many of the lazy fuckers didn't really want to come so I offered to drive them which turned out to be a lot of extra work for me. Kinda proud that I made it happen, I was never the one that made things happen. And in the end it was a quite nice little happening.

CAREER So I have basically lived off my buffer for the whole of mars-april, but I managed to re-configure my business a bit to land quite a few gigs in may and june. Keeping my head above water this far. Summer looks alright as well. Also managed to knock off an old unfinished university course in april while I had fuck else to do.

TODO Get back to the gym! Navy-measure BF% Finish or give up on "Ego is the enemy". Next I'll probably re-read WISNIFG for the third time.

OYS 3

46, stbx 42, kids 8 and almost 7, 6'1 171 lbs, bf% tbd, 5x5 into week 6, boxing class, working on doubling max pullups, abs, gym

Reading: Finishing Art of Seduction, starting Getting Things Done and The Feeling Good Handbook which is only 700 pages long, divorce prep in sidebar, RM and DayBang on audible: Read MMSLP WISNIFG NMMNG MAP The Natural

The Bad:

Got discovery docs so have to gather all kinds of crap, plus its asking do I have questions about her parental ability; my uncle (retired div atty) said if I want reasonable custody arrangement to throw in the kitchen sink; researching now, she's obviously got the upper hand already I haven't seen my children in 8 months

Ready to try pickup IRL vs online dating; these fucking Tinder skeezers put a pic up then you go meet a face that would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon

Online business hiccup = shipping times are double what they were when I first started, and alternate suppliers with faster shipping are obviously more expensive, taking alot of time to figure out

Haven't been laid in a few weeks but prospects lined up

The Good:

Got a job offer, the pay sucks but its an easy wfh job, I'm thankful, future career path so so. Also had another interview that is up my alley and it was very positive interview with potential future boss, I even practiced a little flirting and she responded with hair twirls etc, but she's very intelligent articulate and is told me straight I'm the top candidate; this new job would be tough for a couple years but strong referrals could mean 6 figures in 2-3 years up from there. There's would even be a healthy marketing budget and department supporting me. She called me back same day and said they're starting background check.

Body is getting more muscular although I'm still too skinny. Added almost 2 lbs by eating peanuts drinking milk just bought BLS too busy to read now. I almost have a 4 pack. At the risk of sounding like a faggot..my body has never looked this good and I'm not even close to whats ahead, although future work pressures will likely mean early morning workouts

I have girls openly flirting/staring at me at the gym, I'm still too new at this to have the balls/frame to convert, but these are minimum 7 up to 9 HBs; last Sunday a high HB9 totally flirted with me at the store and was a golden opp but I failed; that will be part of my future mission

I feel great now that I'm not drinking, I literally think my mind is healing in alot of ways. You can't be a man if you have an addiction - ANY addiction (except women maybe?)

I feel great overall, I'm not angry anymore about anything, I wish I wasn't so busy I really want to immerse myself in learning MRP and a ton of other topics hopefully Getting Things Done book will help already took a productivity course

Haven't looked at porn in days

Linking up with old friends in TX is fun, trying to schedule social activities but time is precious and going to be challenge when I start working again

Goals: Take action and at least say hi to attractive women who send IOIs (we should all be doing this btw regardless of your status), get phone numbers; set aside daily time to read, network, research diet, plan getaway in mountains or beach after divorce, figure out specific mission, protect and maximize every hour of every day

OYS #1.

Age: 36, Ht: 6.0, Weight: 80kgs, Lifts: BP: 90kgs x 5x3, Squat: 50kg (weak as fuck), Pullups: 10x3 – need to measure more i.e. body weight, DL etc.

Divorced, living with new LTR (9 months).

Read: WISNIFG, 16 Commandments, NNMNG, Sidebar

History:

Bad mental models, alcoholism, laziness, addicted to everything (comfort, and short-term pleasure i.e. drugs, porn, smoking, computer games etc). Led to my divorce from a pretty good woman. Sober 13 months, new LTR, moved in together too quick. New relationship causes me stress at times.

Health:

- Quit smoking cigarettes for good - Daily meditation and nightly reflection process as per Alcoholics Anonymous - Quit watching pornography - Continue gym 3x week, but increase lifts, measure more

Career:

- Work solid 8 hour days x 5 days per week. I have an easy job that allows me to do the bare minimum, but I will stagnate here if I don’t put in the effort -  Treat work time as work time, remove distractions, don’t work on the weekend to make up for laziness during the week

Relationship:

- STFU: I still fight back, engage in useless arguments - She cries a lot, I get angry and make her cry a lot - I fail shit tests and mistake comfort tests for shit tests, destroying her loving feelings

2 things happened this week: (A) She had interaction with a guy she told me not to worry about. I do worry – because I am weak and scared of her betraying me. I understand that I should be prepared and fine with that happening, but I am not. If it happens, I will feel unlovable – suggesting that too much of my self-worth is tied up in this relationship. (B) I had caught her in a lie about a very small thing – she was protecting herself from embarrassment about a medical condition, nothing serious. I didn’t push her on it at the time, but brought it up again this week to see if she would own up. She broke down crying, told the truth. I thanked her and moved on with it. But I have not moved on. I realize she can and has lied to my face to protect herself. What else has she / will she lie about? I am writing this here, so I don’t rug-sweep this shit in denial down the track.

Finances:

- Get Australian version of pre-nup sorted out from the lawyers

OYS #1

Age: 28 Height: 6’0 Weight: 235 lb Fat: 29% Never Married & No kids

Introduction: I have lurked TRP and its associated subs since mid-2018, completing all introductory, pre-requisite, and side bar reading. TRP has dramatically impacted my life by helping me move past oneitus, porn, video games, not lifting, and other blue pilled nonsense. I delved into stoicism and philosophy which possibly saved my life and sanity.

However I have a long way to go. I have wanted to start journaling and I like the idea of writing once a week in a journal that writes back and calls me a faggot when I deserve it. I have never been married and am not currently in an LTR, however standard TRP doesn’t do OYS. If I don’t belong in this sub let me know where to go.

Mission: A work in progress. My Mantra is “Renounce Weakness” when I start slipping.

Weekly Goals I have implemented and will be recording from now on in my OYS.

PT Stretches */*

Working Out */*

Reading */*

No Junk Food */*

NoFap */*

Currently Reading: Spy the Lie

PHYSICAL & NUTRITION

SQ: 235 BP: 120 ROW: 150 OHP: 110 DL: 235

I started stronglift 5x5 in January of 2020. I was forced to stop from March to mid-May because of COVID. Fat for most of my adult life, I have finally taken responsibility in learning to cook healthy dishes and take care of my body. At my worse I was spending $500 plus a month on restaurant and fast food while coming close to being morbidly obese. I have started packing on muscle and getting compliments which create a positive feedback loop. I suffer from anterior pelvic tilt due to years of being so sedentary and fat. I am doing corrective stretches and exercises daily and would love to hear from others who have conquered this. APT is starting to affect my squatting and running. I was doing Yoga for a few months and it helped me greatly. However it’s still shut down at this time, so I plan on doing what I can myself.

WORK & FINANCES

Three years in as a soulless federal bureaucrat. I have plenty of debt from past poor decisions and have taken steps to create a budget and make a plan for debt repayment. I was just promoted however and am not really hurting on income. I would love to get into the private sector and make real money someday though. I just finished some advanced training that makes me much more valuable and mobile. I live and work in an area I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in. As a 28 year old I expected to have all of this figured out by now. I need to decide what I want to labor for and where. I want to revive my creative spark and not do mind numbing government administration forever.

MENTAL & SPIRITUAL

Sufferer of anxiety, loneliness, and years of bad habits. I devour my fingernails when nervous and am not sure with where I am going in life. Lifting, Reading, and Stoicism has already helped a great deal with the anxiety but it’s still unacceptably high. I have tried what feels like everything for my nail biting and I don’t know what to do. I read both the power of habit and atomic habits and have been trying my best to implement their teachings. I will record and monitor my habits while trying to remove undesirable ones. I am also trying to overcome smart phone addiction. I have uninstalled Facebook and YouTube and started seeking my dopamine elsewhere.

SEXUAL & SOCIAL

LTR broke up with me mid 2017 on skype when I was at basic training. The following rage, grief, and loneliness is what helped me discover TRP. I haven’t been in a healthy or enjoyable relationship since though, merely spinning low quality plates whenever I can. I just dropped my last plate after giving me a (thankfully treatable) STD. Dating is pretty hard right now with COVID lockdown and being fat but I am still gaming chicks whenever I can. My primary concern is to improve myself and unlock access to higher tier women.

My non romantic social life fall into two camps: coworkers and friends from my blue pilled days. My coworkers are pretty great but are mostly married, older, and live far away (rural area). My blue pilled friends mostly serve as a stark reminder of what would happen if I refused to change. I occasionally talk to them on the phone and go out to eat with them but I have stopped playing video games, watching anime, and all the other dumb shit I wasted my youth doing. My improvements and new life style has caused some to stop talking to me while others act like crabs in a bucket and try to shame me back into my old ways. I talked about fight club once and learned a few hard lessons. I have accepted that most of these people have chosen a life of external validation and have no desire to be saved. Maybe one person is worth keeping around.

Reflecting on it, the caliber of people I have chosen to hang out with had a lot to do with my descent into mediocrity. I will try to build or find a friend network of real men this summer. Even better get a new job somewhere else and start anew.

I got this!

OYS#3

STATS: 35, 5’8’’, 163lbs 15%BF (a guess); Wife 34, married 8, together 16. Daughter 4.

LIFTS: (5x5) DL 257, SQ 192, BP 159, ROW 129, OHP 114

READING: TRP Sidebar, SGM

My greatest two assets are my time an attention; I need to be more intentional.

I realized a few things this week, some through the feedback received in OYS#2:

1. I have accomplished a lot this year, and I attribute my habits, routines, systems and ‘rules’ as the key to this success (‘rules’ to live life perfectly…what a Nice Guy). That, and a commitment to do more than I say, then say nothing to anyone about it. I am a strong critic of myself but reflecting on the things I have objectively done well makes me feel great. I should do this more than I do.

2. I am getting closer to my own point of origin. As good as it made me feel, proving anything here meant little else to me. I know what I am about, I know what shit I own and what I still need to own. I don’t need to show you my spreadsheet. This frame of mind resonated all week and flowed through IRL interactions. I’ll puff my chest here because it’s fun and gives me an outlet to help keep my power in the real world by STFU. I need to continue to focus on avoiding DEERing and not discussing my plans.

3. I was happier turning down the information channels. Opening up space in the airways meant more time for personal reflection and appreciating the moment. It confirmed my thought that, for now, I know the rules and I am beginning to internalize the sidebar. I need to learn to better identify whose opinions serve me and add value. Some comments/profiles aren’t worth reading, I don’t need to inhale every podcast or blog, and I should search out specific information intentionally. Reading about how “a women won’t ever love me how I feel I should be loved” at 600 am can set me up for a grumpy day. I need to keep learning but stay less saturated with the right kind of content.

4. I need to lock down the low-hanging fruit in my MAP so I can use my mental capital to focus on more important things. Analysis stifles action. I know what I need to do and much is becoming automatic, but I also need to be careful not to get complacent. Simple rules, check points, no more research or debate required for a few categories. Get these planned for the next quarter and move on.

5. I didn’t journal this week, but kept my OYS.doc open. I like the journal habit but also liked this shift: OYS should be ongoing all day/week. It’s a source of motivation when I take a break from and write/plan/reflect. I need to think about the best way I can plan/journal, but will continue to take some space from it.

How is that for word puke so far? 500 words and I hope none of them meant anything to you.

FORMAT

Routines are key, and I hate routines. Planning is the biggest bang for buck activity at the start of the day, so I will par down my journal/planning task to “identify my three most important tasks”. My MORNING ROUTINE is dialed but will get an update for Q3, with some new challenges specific to focus discipline (cold runs/showers, no screens). “JOURNALING” will be a separate task I need to fit in elsewhere in my schedule.

All of our routines are going to continue to get even more fucked this year so it is worth my time to think about this: how do I get my most important shit on lock and solid enough to not be shaken by a new addition?

Here are a couple categories I am focusing on getting buttoned-up and decisions out of my head, for now:

FITNESS

There are a number of lessons learned, but here is what they boil down to until October:

Exercise intentionally everyday (i.e., dedicated work, not just active living) LIFT or YOGA. Strict SL 3xWeek. Use fractional plates for progression (1 lb increases), focus on form, rest time back down to 90 seconds. Keep it simple and moving forward. Routine needs to be short and intense. Keep LIFTing at home; gym (when open) will be for swimming, classes and dread but won’t rely in it to lift. Weigh in daily but no tracking diet for now. Follow a few rules: 1-IF 16 hr 2-Eat paleo + rice (unless it is a gift) 2-No ‘drugs’ unless they are social or I am song writing. Follow these and don’t think about your diet for a while. Book massage/chiro proactively, and develop a plan/routine specific to posture correction.

FINANCE

After gains from a good starting point, this took up too much headspace lately. Plan for next quarter: Continue weekly tracking, monthly net worth and quarterly reporting. Continue with ‘fake pay cheque’ tactic (artificial budget), but increase surplus to make up for deficit last Q and get on balance for year. We did well on our joint expenses, but I want a short-term goal for the family to share in this category – share the report and reduce by >10%. Continue to enforce boundaries around expenses and responsibility. Update and complete the plan for the mission this quarter, including the new kid. Complete emergency plans. Metrics should be budget surplus, debt reduction and joint expense weekly average.

FUNCTIONAL

I got less organized lately, between to-do lists, projects stacking up and summer deadlines. A big change in routine (no longer working from home), will impact my daily chore habits and ability to GSD at home. I have made huge gains “running the house like she left”, and I can’t compromise on this when I am back into the office. It would be easy to get complacent here, so I need to be more systematic. I need to complete my personal inventory, and use my calendar/tasks to plan out chores I easily take care of at home. Delegating to “the kids” here has been received positively and I should continue to move in this direction as opposed to just taking on the burden myself. I have proven my point or now. I am objectively killing it here, but it is taking too much headspace and makes me feel like I am scrambling. Get better organized, loser.

Dialing-in those three categories so they are ‘automatic’ is going to allow me to better invest in the areas where I need to improve the most:

FRAME

My perfectionism holds me back and feeds the procrastination animal I have be working to kill. The playhouse is a good example, music is another, and my career feels it most. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. I need to revisit NMMNG and work through the BF activities to really break this down…I am sure it all has to do with validation and recognition of “doing such a good job”. Increasing confidence helps, but the ego hinders. I am not perfect and need to embrace that.

I caught myself smiling when I did something knowing it wouldn’t be appreciated/acknowledged. I even went out of my way to make sure a few other things wouldn’t be noticed, to test my gains here. I am not acknowledging her ‘thank yous’ when they do come to avoid any contract related to gratitude, or confirming her tests that I am doing any of this for her.

FUCKING

I initiated Wednesday, hard, and got about 20 mins of ‘soft nos’ while I was literally rubbing her pussy, followed by some type of shit test. After I got sick of playing the game I got up to leave to do exactly what I said I was going to do, and she said “oh so you have time for sex but not time for cuddle”, and I simply said “yes”. I’ve been handling rejections better for months, she’s never called me out like that but I was prepared. She plays games with sex for power. Something was different with my head in the week following, I genuinely didn’t want to initiate, so didn’t. I also turned the gaming way down without thinking much about it, and kindof DNGAF about flirting with her. She kissed my ass all week and was obvious about it, and the more I noticed it the more indifferent I got. This is probably a big butthurt about “her not being attracted to me” and wanting my baby batter. I won’t play games. I will initiate when I want need to take what I want in bed more. I also won’t masterbate (‘healthy style’ or otherwise) until the end of the day as a rule for the next quarter. If she is too nauseous, she can watch if she wants.

1482 words and too much time.

OYS 30

Stats: Age 41, separated from wife (38). 3 kids (5, 8, 10). Height: 5'9". Weight: 71kg (156lbs). Most recent (pre-lockdown) 5/3/1 lifts - Bench 72.5kg (160lbs), OHP 47.5kg (105lbs), DL: 150kg (330lbs), squat 102.5kg (220lbs). Now working a mix of Pavel Tsatsouline’s Simple and Sinister and bodyweight exercises. Have read most of the sidebar at least once. English man living in Spain.

Physical

“This week I will get back to a sustainable and sensible way of eating.” - Nope.

Since finishing my 3 day fast I’ve eaten like a hungry 12 year old boy. No discipline. Lots of sugar and bullshit. Pre-fasting, I was using MyFitnessPal to track calories and put on weight. I’d set the weight gain for 0.5kg a week, but this gave me a lot of calories to get through each day and increased my body fat more than I’d have liked. Now I’ve adjusted that goal to gaining 0.25kg a week, which gives me a more manageable daily calorie target of 2,840 per day.

Goal for this week: hit my calorie target every day, but through protein and vegetables, not bullshit.

Exercise-wise I’ve done OK, working out most evenings with either kettlebell or bodyweight. Keep this up this week with a view to going back to the gym in July.

Friends/social

Lots of contact with friends over Zoom etc, but no face-to-face socialising. However, I met last week’s goal of keeping track of upcoming events on meetup and found an English-Spanish conversation group which gathers on one of the evenings I don’t have my kids. I need to build a network of people here, and I have to improve my Spanish. I can understand most Spanish, but speaking it is a major weakness and it’s holding me back from living a full life here. This needs to be a top priority.

I can get socially anxious, and I realise that at 41 years old this isn’t something I’m going to grow out of. I need to put the work in. I found a Toastmasters group which meets weekly, alternating between Spanish and English. This would be a big challenge for me, but you don’t get better by doing the same things. Currently they’re doing them over Zoom, but I will try this group when they go back to in-person meetings.

Goal for this week: go to the Spanish-English meetup group.

Mission Quest

Working my way through “The Artist’s Way”. The foundation practises are morning journaling and a weekly “artist’s date” where you do something for yourself (similar to Pook’s concept of dating yourself). I journaled 6 days out of 7 this week, missing one as I overslept and didn’t make the time to catch up later. The artist’s date was pretty minimal - taking myself to an English language bookshop and buying some of my favourite books, but, hey, it’s a start.

This week: journal every day. Go on an “artist’s date”.

I haven’t been meditating. So, this week: meditate 5 times for at least 10 minutes.

Admin/Household

"This week I will sort out my tax return and submit the paperwork for passport and driving license."

Driving license pending, but no progress on the passport. I negotiated with a local accountant about doing my tax return and managed to get him to take his fees down by more than 50%. That will be submitted this week.

"I will also continue the process of making my apartment my own (I still have to remind myself that I can have whatever kind of living environment I want) by planting herbs and setting up window boxes."

Yes, I did this with my children over the weekend and really enjoyed it.

Noticed this weekend how much I was enjoying hanging out with my kids and having adventures. I hadn’t been leading them. I haven’t been a good father to them over the last few years. I’ve allowed my personal problems and marriage-breakdown to get in the way of a strong father-sons relationship.

Now, I’m taking that back. We went to the beach twice over the weekend, planted seeds, talked about Greek myths and watched a Werner Herzog film about volcanoes. We’re also working on pull-ups. I planned this, and it was great. I need to have more intentionality in my parenting, and teach my boys how to be healthy men through my example.

Elephants in the room

Still smoking. Not doing anything with dating.

OYS #85

38 yo, 6’0, 168lbs, 12% BF, married 5, together 8, kids 3 & 13

&#x200B;

Last Friday I got an offer for a VP role from the company that my best-friend of 20 years is at. Wrote about it in OYS #66 and the associated ego. This was one of the pre-covid companies I was in negotiations with. It’s a good offer. It is for 50% more than I’ve ever made and an exciting job.

Yesterday another offer came through for another role I am also excited about. I’ll need to make a decision this week. Negotiations ongoing.

When the offer came through, I thought I was going to be elated. Eight months of grinding against a challenge - being on the hunt for a new role after pressing the nuke button my career. All the pressure would be off – I could celebrate a victory – and I would feel relief. Right?

But you know what? I didn’t feel any of that. In fact, I felt deflated. I felt no real sense of joy. I felt some minor accomplishment, sure. But not much else and it wasn’t exciting. It was more of “Yeah, I knew that would happen” thoughts.

From TWOTSM, Chapter 12:

It’s easy to feel disappointed by life; success is never as fulfilling as you think it is going to be. But there is a reason for this. Successfully completing a lesser purpose doesn’t feel very good for very long, because it is simply preparation for advancing toward a greater embodiment of your deeper purpose. Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth

This entire process has reminded me again that it’s always about the challenge, not the goal. I believe I am wired internally for a level of high energy – high effort - high performing life-masochism where I continually set imaginary finish lines which only give way to new imaginary finish lines. This is a cycle I have continually repeated my entire life (my lightning fast MRP journey being a reflection of this) and must accept this is who I am (for now). I have chosen to accept this challenge/finish-line mentality and reframe it into my mental models more positively and accept that part of myself.

What does that mean to me? I thought this was the biggest challenge of my life. It was merely a lesser purpose that gives more clarity that my mission is what is really important. All that stress, pain, anxiety… it has a purpose to remind me of what is really important. My mission and the joy it provides.

It's not knuckle push-ups and cold showers, but rather internal mental fortitude challenges that I’m very thankful for that provide clarity – I wouldn’t have it without this process. This career relaunch experience has taught me that my mission is the only thing that will provide me joy long term. Because you know what? There is no finish line in my mission. It’s impossible to beat myself up about my mission no matter how much energy, effort, or pressure of performance I create for myself. And that is joyful.

Maybe I create these imaginary finish lines needlessly? But… perhaps not. Maybe I create these challenges for a greater purpose, to honor my needs to be congruent with myself to pursue the great joy of my mission. Yes, I’m thinking so, and I’m fine with that.

Or maybe I’m playing stupid mental games to win stupid mental prizes, but I don’t think so. If so – fuck it. I like it. It's what I need for now.

Strength, motherfuckers.

OYS # 8

34 yo, 6’1”, 173 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 13% B.F (Navy method). Squat 185x3, Bench 160x5, Deadlift 235x5, OHP 100x5.

&#x200B;

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP. Currently reading Pook (75%). Goal to finish Pook by next week, start 48 LOP.

&#x200B;

Lifting/Exercise

I’m always checking myself out in the mirror. Admiring the progress, taking BF% measurements, etc. But I realized that I’m trying to do it in secret, when my wife won’t catch me in the act. I am afraid. Afraid of what, I’m not exactly sure. Perhaps afraid of her thinking me to narcissistic? Too full of myself? Afraid of the ensuing reactions and conversations?

Goal: eliminate this avoidance behavior.

&#x200B;

Diet

Continuing with daily 16-18 hour fasting. Researched cutting and bulking cycles.

Goal for this week: put together my individual caloric and macro goals for bulking diet.

&#x200B;

Sex

I have not been initiating as much lately. In part I have not been desiring it as much - this is due to me spending more time and energy on myself. But another reason is that I’m still treating sex completely in her frame. Since becoming acutely aware of her monthly cycle, I know when she is typically in the mood. I initiate when I know there’s a high likelihood of getting sex. This makes my desire a reflection of her.

&#x200B;

Mental

Been doing more self-reflection lately, trying to understand which areas need improvement. I suck at it and need to work it. Without the ability to set aside my ego and understand where I am lacking I will just end up floundering indefinitely. One thing I did start to become aware of was my own avoidance mentality.

There was one moment during the week where I tried to initiate some ass-grabbing or a 10 second kiss. She ran away, “not now, I have stuff to do”. Rejection hit me like an electric shock. I was a bit stunned by my own reaction, standing there like a dumbass. At first I was confused, wondering why rejection hit me so hard that time. But reflecting back (while writing this post) made me realize that it wasn’t just that one time. It just hit me harder than usual. There is often a bit of rejection that I was hardly aware of. I just didn’t pay any attention to it before. Probably didn’t want to know it was there. But now I see it, and can work to eliminate it and project OI.

Goal for this week: spend one meditation session self-reflecting. Also, identify areas of avoidance mentality as I spot them throughout the week.

&#x200B;

Family / Home

Have a number of projects to get knocked out and/or started this next week. 12 tons of landscaping rocks to get spread around the house. Customizing a cabinet to organize the disarray that currently exists in our laundry room. Also need to plan out and begin the landscaping around my son’s playset in the backyard.

Goal for this week: complete landscape rock and laundry cabinet projects.

&#x200B;

Social/Hobbies

I met up with a running group one morning consisting of a small group of people that I’d met up with a few times last year. Also present was a large women’s only group from a local health club, none of whom I knew. I showed up just before we started running, and our groups quickly got separated.

They were commenting on how different I looked from the last time they had seen me. I failed the opportunity to A&A and come off in any way as seeming confident and/or cocky and fun. Rather, I just stood there and STFU when these comments were coming. The two groups may be meeting again in the future. If that happens I will take the opportunity to go early and meet some new people.

OYS 20: (June 23, 2020)

Stats:

28, married 4 years, 123lb, 11-12% bf, 5'3", 5/3/1, squat 220x5, bench 135x5, OHP 115x3, DL 250x6

Mission:

(In progress, I know this isn't a great mission right now) Be the man I want to be. Be better today than I was yesterday.

Reading:

WISNIFG x2, Day Bang

I need to dedicate an hour a night to reading. Not MRP posts, the actual sidebar books. I spend a lot of time on MRP looking up old threads, reading up on specific search terms, J10 posts. A lot of it is mental masturbation at this point.

Lifting / Diet:

Obsessed with Greg Doucette's anabolic cookbook. Low calorie, dense foods. Would really recommend anyone watch his youtube videos and buy/pirate the cookbook if you're looking for a lifestyle diet that will work for you forever (bulk, cut, "maingain").

The cookbook has really changed the way I look at meals. I start every day off with 3 slices of low calorie bread, made into french toast with egg whites. 0 calorie syrup.

Some guys on here preach "eat big get big" and that's fine, but it's not reality for me - I just get fat on that plan. This has been working well for me, doesn't feel like a diet.

Career:

I am not into my job that much right now. Trying to envision a 12-month exit plan or some way I can transition into another role after building up some significant savings.

Playing around with a side business idea, and trying to get an understanding of what the entry cost is (something like $5k). I have the mind and the willingness but don't have the idea yet. I don't want to trade time for money forever, I want to build something self-sustaining that I can continue to work on and build up over time.

Mindset / Frame:

In this journey, I've spent some time going back to where I came from. Photos has been sending me snapshots of years gone by - this week, I watched a couple videos from 5-10 years ago that had me dying laughing. I held serious frame back then, talking shit with my friends. It was amazing to watch and I inspired myself with what was and could be again.

I also got to thinking about college. Talking to a buddy of mine recently, he was telling a story about how I had "balls outside the body confidence." Somewhere I lost it along the way. Irrational self confidence. It was more douchey back then but I'm trying to harness it.

I don't want to live in the past but I'm distilling that "essence" that makes me who I am. A confident man on his purpose.

Spent some time recently at a few family/friend gatherings, and felt powerful. I was just doing me, but had people offering to get me food, drinks, whatever. That hasn't happened to me before.

I also spent time playing lawn sports with kids. I haven't felt like I'm ready to be a father (I'm not at all), but spending time with these kids, I can't help but feel like they're lost. They need a true role model to show them the way, not criticize them, just let them play and figure shit out. Be a real example. Could have been a few bad case studies, but these beta dads sitting around and letting the kids run rampant, just ordering them around. There's no respect in that.

Just a good example of why continuing to get my shit together is critical.

Relationship:

Getting turned down still probably 3/4+ times. I initiate, she says "no, you don't get how this works say something nice" and then I'll try to A&A, initiate again. No go. Realized I'm failing at comfort but don't want to just bow down to her commands in that moment. And apparently "nice tits" isn't working. Will try a kiss on the head next time.

Or she just flat out says "no" and brushes me aside.

She also pulled "you don't even like me" which I returned with a kiss on the head. Got this one a few times before and failed it as a shit test.

This Saturday she went out with a family member and called me: "do you miss me?" and I said "no, I'm working." I realized after that I failed again.

I still have work to do on A&A where appropriate (coming up with the right calibration of it). I need to work on my leadership and identifying - and passing - these comfort tests.

Overall, things are okay in the relationship, and improve as I STFU and deal with my own emotions. But I have work to do.

Finances:

Debt free. Finally. Starting to fill the coffers.

Personal / Social Life:

Meeting a friend on Tuesday. As places begin to reopen, I need to get out of the house more. Working from home is not idea, but the alone time has helped me recalibrate myself tremendously.

Vices:

On the straight and narrow.

OYS#32

June 23

Me - 43 years old, 5 foot 7, 190.6 lbs 12% navy method

Her 48 together 13 years, married 7, one child age 6

Physical

Still doing the Kettlebell workouts, involving 500 kb swings a day, done in 100 rep complexes with another exercise done for 6 total reps, based on 3-5 rep max. Only got in 3 workouts over the first half of last week, as house renovations took over the last half. Lots of piddly crap that used up most of the day and left me exhausted and sore, particularly in my hands. Goal last week was to shorten rest periods between complexes to under 2 minutes, which I didn’t get to. That is now the goal this week. There should be enough time even with the remaining renovations to get this in this week.

I am going to clean up my diet more, with a little more focus on lowering carbs and cutting out sugar, not that there was all that much before. Wife has been eating crappy lately, it is showing. If she wants to go down that road it is her choice, but it will become painfully obvious how wide the gap is between us.

Took the last week off of BJJ after getting a few accidental knees, etc. which caused some torn stitches, but overall feel like I have recovered almost completely from my surgery. Still some soreness, but more energy, and sex drive has returned, which was starting to get me concerned. This week I am going to go back to BJJ, but only drilling for now. I figure rolling can resume when I feel no more discomfort from poking myself, however long that takes.

Mental

Made an improvement on the mental front that I hadn’t even realized I needed. My wife had come into my office while I was working on my writing and tried chatting with me. I stared at her and said I was busy. She said something about just wanting to chat, and I told her it could wait. I realized after that I never really stopped her from interrupting me when I was in the middle of something. Because of the time I usually write, these interruptions were rare and it simply never occurred to me that I was setting aside something important for her whims. It is a strange coincidence that I see that new post on NMMNG, as it is obvious I could do with a re-read of the fundamentals.

While doing some research on becoming a paid writer, I learned that on average those that are moderately successful spend nearly 30 hours a week at it. It makes me realized I have to carve out a lot more time in my day to pump out content if I am taking this seriously. Two hours first thing in the morning, and two hours in the evening before bed is the plan this week. Goal last week was to pump out about 15 pages of content. Only achieved half of that. It would be easy to blame the renovations and being tired, but I could have done more. Goal this week is that I will spend 28 hours working on it and write 20 pages.

Sex

Didn’t get laid last week, but didn’t really try, and didn’t really care. Sex drive started to come back mid week, and especially so in the first half of the day. By the time she got home from work, I would be busy with renos, and in the evening when reno work was done, it was no longer on my radar. I am guessing this will continue for most of this week as we are in a rush to get the reno’s done before we have family come to stay with us.

Goal is to keep up Kino for this week. I know I need to do more on this front, just lower priority right now.

OYS : 40, 6'0" 175lb, DL: 240 x 3, OP: 90 x3, Squat 180x3, Bench: 145 x 3

Physical: Went full monk during the first half of this year, 5-6 workouts / week in my garage. Recently, decided to actually use some of the muscles I have built up by taking it down to 3 workouts a week and getting out into other actual sports. This is more fun and I'll likely look to going back to full weight / training just 3 months a year during the winter. I extended this year more than I originally planned as it was paying out well for me and made sense with current external environment. I'm starting to plateau with a lot of metrics and when one goes up another goes down. Goals: continue weight training as primary focus through summer, add in runs.

I've been a little more active re-reading and remembering the doctrine here the past few weeks. I kept leaving this place thinking I finally got it and then things wind down a notch and I end up back here. About 2 years? Consistent.

Areas needing work:

Wife: Made a concentrated effort to not bother her and do my own thing. Didn't really go that well, she kept asking what is the matter, why are you acting that way and it was annoying. I gave her a little validation hug and quick chat so now she falls asleep thinking everything is ok. Fail. I will have to train her to be a better personal slut of mine. I need to be more subtle here and think longer term gainzz vs short term tit for tat.

Social

This was bad before Covid and I have fallen off a cliff lately. I need to incorporate higher quality people that can keep up in outdoor pursuits, too many of my friends are what I refer to as 'eating' friends only. The only commonality is that we both eat dinner. The quest continues here.

Immediate: Plan something for Saturday that I want to do.

[deleted]