OYS #1

Age - 61.
Height - 5’8”.
Weight - 178.
Body fat - 24% (pic 25%, strongur calculator 22.4%... still fat). 2nd wife 54, married 25 years. 4 kids all mine 30 - 17.

LIFTS (1RM)

BP; 135x1 SQ; 240x1 OHP; 80x1 DL; nogo due back

READINGS with takeaway’s

MMSLP/MAP Up to you to make shit work. NMMNG You’ve got to make yourself happy. TWOTSM .Harness male/female differences. POOK Fun way to look at chicks. SGM Break out of the usual. RATIONAL MALE It’s all about hypergamy. MMSLP old forum My intro to a new way to think. SUN TZU Art of War WAR OF ART (Pressfield) Beat procrastination.

BACKGROUND

Tried marriage once, for 12 years, way too young, and way too beta (I find this out when I’m 55). Ends in a dead bedroom, so I move on to wife 2 (at least I traded up) but of course, I do the same shit all over again, and of course, end up in dead bedroom number 2. Nicely done.

Finally I stumble across a couple of red pillish sites, while researching ‘lack of sex’, and end up on Athol Kay’s MMSLP forum, where I participate, and read his books, and the fucking light finally begins to glimmer. That forum dies and I do well for a while, the dead bedroom has gone to pretty much all I can handle at 55yo, but I realize I’m slowly devolving back to before, and I finally found this place.

I have regretfully half assed it here, but, with a kick in the ass of a rule 11 ban, have made the decision to grab the RP by its testicles and shove it down.

THE GOOD

Finances, Career, Friends (poker nights, golf, hockey, camping… all with good guy friends), Diet.

PHYSICAL

I’m in not bad shape, but that’s not good enough. Gym is still closed, and I’ve run out of weights (I’m lifting all I own) so I need to get more weights or figure something else out. My diet is good, I fast regularly, and have good meals prepped by my health conscious wife, but I will decide on how I am going to not be fat anymore.

Plan - As is on lift days, OMAD on the others.

FAMILY

I lead at work effectively and daily (it’s really all I do), and this transfers generally well to home life. I do have one issue here however, and that is my little peckerhead of a 17 yo son. He is big in to the ‘his balls are bigger than my balls’ stage, and I have not been achieving the desired results. I have allowed it to go all over the place, even to the point of bickering back and forth, and this has affected my wife and her view of my strength. Definitely need to OMS here and I‘m realizing as I write this, apply more RP comms, like STFU with him. He is by a huge margin the most strong willed and difficult of my 4, but I need to fix this.

Plan - No bickering. More STFU, broken record and fogging. AM does not work with a smart ass teenager.

MARRIAGE/SEX

My gains here have been massive, but I still have a long ways to go.

I keep thinking, how do you not see that I am the prize here. (Doesn’t matter what I think though, does it.)

Recently I have noticed that I pay way too much attention to how successful I think my initiations will be. This is called living in her frame. Fuck. That needs to change. Best to just initiate daily? Best to initiate whenever I feel like it? (When I feel like it should be a no brainer.) I also am guilty of kino’ing only as a lead up to an initiation.

I have the common starfish problem, and a ‘let’s make this really quick’ problem, and I understand it’s on me to lead her into better behaviors, I realize that I am not the prize, and have analyzed the shit out of this. For now, working on my weight and putting on some more muscle is my plan. One workout at a time.

Plan - Initiate daily for the next week. Much more kino, and not tied to initiating.

PERSONAL

I let myself get suckered in to bad fuckarounditis aka procrastination, all the time. It is by far the biggest red, in my life. It is bigger than shitty sex, being chubby, annoying tennagers and everything else, all added together, and multiplied by 10. Someone wrote this week on unfinished projects, and the replies to him made me realize what the shitty ramifications are all around, and how sticking your head in the sand actually just makes this problem worse. This will be my number one focus this week. I will reduce this by attacking things in small doses. I will use the ‘Pomodoro’ technique of timed work followed by a timed break.

OYS23.
Age 50 Married 24 years. Together 26 years. Wife 48 years.
3 male children age 21,21 and 17.
Height 179 cm/ 5ft 10 Weight 74kg Body fat c20%.

Reading.
Read NNMG, MAP, WISING, MMSLP. The Game by Neil Strauss and The Rational Male (the book) by Rollo Tomasi. The Art of Seduction.
Lifting/Exercise.
Continuing with body weight exercises including press ups, pulls ups, inverted rows, planks, L sits, hanging leg raises, lat raises, bicep curls. Have started eating more protein at breakfast.

Mission.
Make money by investing.
I keep watching my stocks with all the emotional stress that brings for no benefit given no news. Challenge to myself is to not look at their price until major news is announced. Need to break the habit. Didn’t look since last OYS. The good habit is forming.

Sex/relationship.
Took wife to woods again to sleep in car. Fucked her good again.
Then on Monday at home think I passed her shit test. She said yes to sex but made the comment that I would be demanding expecting me to say no of course not darling. I just said yes I will and I was. Very good sex.
Last night awful she wanted it but I was really tired.

Reflections.
It has been pointed out that I am a dancing monkey with covert contracts. I can see this. Starting to chew over the specific sex act covert contract. The bad element is the covert part and the obsession with the act. If I can just need to let it go or be overt with my needs.
Easier said than done after all these years.

Short term goals.
Photography. Have my new second hand phone with double lens camera. Took some good photos at my twin sons 21st birthday lunch. A good day to savour.
Still need to go through wardrobe some more from pants and socks to suits.
Starting writing articles for my blog. Very interested in doing this. Uses the skills I have developed in work in a new way.

OYS10

Physical

Still on the PSMF diet. Had one refeed day (added about 800cal of carbs for one day) and found it changed my mood significantly to the better. Last week was a slog. Daily weight just bounced between 86.7 and 87.3kg all week long. I did the refeed to reset my lipids (apparently its useful, idk) and went back to basics in eating. Tinnedt una, salad, etc. In the past two days I’m back on to the daily drops. Sticking to 180P, 10C, 10-20F, and I’ve upped fat burners and caffeine intake. 1kg lost in past 3 days and back at the lowest weight for over 20 years, even lower than when I competed in Ironman in my early 30's.

No training days missed since feb when the gym closed and I was waiting for the powerrack delivered, despite the diet. 5/3/1 weight just keep going up. I dropped volume, but kept the intensity. Somehow my body has adapted, strength is increasing, but energy is flat. I need 3 minute rests. Now farmers carrying around 130% of my bodyweight 60m. Just grinding along.

New 1RM’s this week (again, despite sub 1000calories.). These 1RM’s were really hard to achieve, in both cases I was clearly 1-2 reps off failure.

This week:

DL 150 -> 154kg

SQ 123 -> 126kg

Mental \ Life

Been having a dark week. I’m not prone to depression but I can see why people who are have a tough time on this diet. Been keeping away from the wife, despite working from home. STFU to a significant degree, I have no time or patience for bs this week. Son is getting close to being able to attend an international sporting academy. He competes on our national team (not going in to it more to prevent selfdox) so all the last minute training\ driving around \ documentation \ visa’s, etc are eating all my spare time. This was always the plan, but adding 30 hours of extra driving\waiting after work plus other things takes its toll getting home after 11pm most night now. Wife recruited to do some. 2 months to go. Why mention this? This was my stay\go plan milestone. I was to prepare myself to be able to sink\swim by September 2020 if needed, once he is gone it only me, wife and a 17yo daughter who is becoming pretty independent.

There are many things I could be planning. Delayed.

Relationship

Not really sure. I haven’t had much time to pay much attention. She is attentive to what I want and need, but lacks any affection or any kind of comfort\compliance testing. Zero libido. Not even initiating. Just want my sleep.

Finances

Somehow everything is holding together with only one income. Tax debt eliminated, credit cards eliminated getting prepared for paying for boarding school as well which will probably be in the range of 5k\month. Investment property mortgage paid months ahead. All of this was achieved in past 6 months. One income. Turned down wife’s desire to move in to a big new house, just a retarded move right now. Really wtf? Now?

New Business and Career

Continuing to work on the new business idea and I’ve found some interesting idea for running a business in a way that nobody in the market space seems to have tried. I’m going to sell products, scientific citations and also provide instructions on how people can make the product themselves if they want. This is in an industry where most companies carefully guard their formulas. Why would someone buy from me, simply because I’ll be able to produce the product with wholesale pricing and they will not be able to make it as cheaply. Plus, if they do, it’ll be a PITA. When they get bored with that they can always just order it from where they got the recipe. Why even make the product? The closest competitor I have found IMHO get the formula about 60% right, and had about a 200% markup on -retail components-. So you can replicate their formula for half price. This is how I started, satisfying my own requirement, but it can be improved a lot and costs dropped significantly. Rereading johnny’s business DoD article on using adwords this week.

Why do this? Basically my career has stalled, and has done so for years. I get paid more for each contract, but each job is not very demanding and as far as I’ve seen I’m the(\one of the) best at what I do in the country and there is no challenge to it. I could go in to management, and I have done that before but I have always disliked managing people.

Just need to keep grinding

OYS 7

Read: mmslp, nmmng, sex god method, map, starting on wotsm and wisnifg

strengthlifts 5x5 Squat 85kg, Benchpress 90kg, Deadlift 100kg, Overhead press 60kg, Row 70kg

90kg, 6ft, not sure bodyfat %

35yo Married 10 years, 2 kids

Got caught up in my success last few weeks so have recalibrated to owning my shit and try not to be looking for validation. Relationship going good, wife happy, bouncing around the house, laughing and joking, but no sex.

I know I have a definate lack of assertiveness in all areas of my life hence the letting life happen to me script. I feel like this is the major thing holding me back from developing the life I want.

I have tried to think hard on map and where im going with life but just end up drawing a blank. I can kind of parrot/copy goals materialistic wise such as bigger house, car etc but nothing insofar as what I want or the person I want to be. Its incredible to me how other guys on oys can say "this is what im doing wrong and this is how im going to fix it" Im not sure whether its my nice guy tendencies trying to hide the bad or whether I havent internalized anything, I cant seem to draw a line and say "this is where im going"

I have kind of noticed that im pretty much a shell, my personality without the fake happy attitude has no substance and is hella boring. I can do things that I think I should be doing but very rarely do I sit there and go "I really enjoyed going out of my way to accomplish that"....probably because I dont go out of the way to accomplish things worthwhile. I finally understand how much of what I do is seeking validation, even these oys, maybe especially these oys'.

So plan is to give myself substance, look for interesting things to do and maybe even uninteresting things to do. Instead of things happening to me, I go and happen to them. I need to decide what my future self looks like and work towards that. Then reorganise my life around that future self.

1. married 10 years. 2 kids under 7. I have years of IRS problems. Never filed taxes for spouse’s side-hustle / hobby / non-profit / whatever-you-call-it. Living beyond our means for 10 years on one income. Tons of credit card debt. Little savings. High income.

This week

• I called a high-end tax attorney and an ordinary tax resolution service.
• I quit drinking beer around the house.

OYS#40

I need to figure out what I want out of life, and I'm not going to do that by posting forced meaningless weekly status updates in OYS.

So stop PMing me faggots. I need some time alone. This is the last thing I'll be posting until I have something real to report, or I need some outside input again.

My divorce is official today and my ex moves out August 1st. I got 50/50 custody of my 3yo while protecting what I cared to in assets. I got everything I wanted to get, while plating, and without confronting my ex or Chad. "Everything according to plan" on the home front.....

Yet it all feels hollow, and I feel empty. There is no victory here to my mind, only the painful memories of my own failures as a man and a father over the last 8 years. I will always have to own that my marriage failed because I was a fat lazy faggot who just wanted to coast through life on Easy Mode.

This is hard to accept because I'm not sure if I'm actually a different person than when I started. Pretty sure I'm just a less fat, less lazy faggot who still just wants to coast through life on a slightly harder mode than Easy...

I know now that everything I was doing was for external validation. Not from my wife, who I was able to cut off pretty easily because of her choice to cheat, but I certainly wasn't doing it for me the way MRP teaches. I was somehow a Dancing Monkey for myself, or maybe the world in general. I wanted to prove that I could do the things I've done, but it was in an unhealthy way... its hard to explain what it feels like to have contorted your own mind to the extent that you've externally motivated yourself, but realizing what it is I've been doing feels pretty shitty, and I don't know how to fix it so that the desire comes from inside my core. It just isn't there right now for anything other than a select few specific goals. (My career and being a better father)

I think my biggest issue comes from this lack of internal motivation. When I think about why I wanted/want to walk the path of MRP, I come to this fundamentally flawed conclusion:

• I want to be the kind of man that a woman I am attracted to will submit to fully and willingly.

This is the epitome of a Dancing Monkey.

If I think to myself, "don't you want to improve to be the best version of yourself that you can?"

The answer that comes back is "Why? That's a lot of effort for very little tangible reward, when I could be doing other, more fun shit instead. Just be good enough and work hard enough to get what you want most out of life. Other than that, just enjoy life. Its too short to spend so much of it stressing about "building the best you" than what you need to accomplish what you desire out of life."

I'm really at a loss for how to change this mental model, or if I actually need to do so. The way it works in practice is, I find something I want, or a goal, or whatever, I do what I have to do and improve what I have to improve to get it, and then I go back to coasting at that higher elevation. Eventually, days weeks months years later, I find the next thing and the cycle repeats. Maybe having a growing amount of RP sidebar/book knowledge will be enough of a difference that I won't coast downward again like I did before finding MRP, but I feel like I'm missing a pretty important piece of the picture here.

I have to figure out what I want out of life, what I'm passionate about... I need to find my first Mission. All I have right now are goals that will put me in a position as a man who can actually work towards accomplishing a Mission. I don't have a real purpose in life other than being a good Father, and that isn't enough to motivate me to be "the best version of myself possible."

So I either have to find what will motivate me to make that effort, or accept myself for who I am.

I'm at the starting line of a DIY divorce atm. I'm almost positive the whole thing will implode once the papers get left on the table, but at some point this route was mutually agreed upon to save money and time. We both watched one of her family members go through (still on going for that matter) an extremely ugly divorce. Neither of us want that for the kids.

She also wanted to try a separation first, for reasons not related to "look crabs, I triiiiied."....as far as I can tell anyway. But she's already back on the excuse train for not setting up the appointment, and I'm not waiting around for it. If the appointment is made before I fill all this shit out, I'll give it an honest shot and just keep the papers tucked away in the event it doesn't work out. That's still the goal, to make this work. I'm just not willing to be the only one working toward that goal.

I've read through the instructions. After I finish taking this shit I'll start filling out what I can. The rest will have to wait for an agreement on terms; who gets what and all that fun stuff. I think I'm starting out with a pretty sweet deal, more-so for me than her....but maybe she'll bite. In a nutshell "you get enough cash to start out on your feet, time to get your shit around, and most of the things you'll be worried about will be paid for by me. 20% of the 401k and I leave her on my benefits (if this is allowed, waiting on a response from HR.) If she wants to go nuclear, I'll just lawyer up and let him deal with it. If HR says "nay" then her % goes up. Just trying to buy her out and get it over with.

Time with the kids shouldn't be an issue, she can't stand having them around anyway. Especially by herself. But then again... Ready for either way it goes. I'm not dellusional, there will be plenty of crazy, suck, and reactions I'll wish I could take back. But me and the boys will be ok. And I hope someday she will be too.

Other than that, work has been busy but rewarding and the kids and I have been having a blast together so far this summer.

OYS #2

Age 38 | Height 5'11 | Weight 195 lbs | GF 32 | Together 5 Years

Children:

• Age 7 (hers)

• Age 4 (ours)

• Age 1 (ours)

Physical

Current two rep maxes that I've achieved in the last week - I don't have a spotter at home so I don't attempt 1RM:

• Bench - 215 lbs (+5)
• Squat - 272.5 lbs (+2.5)
• OHP - 147.5 lbs (+2.5)
• Deadlift - 350 lbs (with straps) (+10)
• Bodyweight chins - 10 reps after deadlifts (+0)

This is week 5 of nSuns, and I've been progressing well despite trying to cut. The cut however, isn't going anywhere. I need to be more diligent about tracking late night calories. I'm taking a prescriptive deload week, even though I don't feel like I need one yet, which I think is the right idea. I'm doing 3x5 at 60% training max, then GTFO.

I'm taking advantage of the deload week by running more. Yesterday was a season high 8 miles. I'd like to be in half marathon shape in the next month or so, even though all of the running events are cancelled.

I don't really know how to be a casual runner. I've completed one marathon a year for the last 7 years, so by nature I'm always striving for more miles per session and per week. I want to focus this energy into my lifting however, so I need to find the disciple to run fewer miles, which part of my brain is having trouble accepting.

Reading

Core: NNMNG (x3), WISNIFG (x2), The Rational Male, TWOTSM, the sidebar and all posts (x100)

Other: Sam Harris - Waking Up, Anthony Bourdain - Kitchen Confidential, Jocko - Extreme Ownership

Work

I've been leaving myself a small task to complete each morning, which is helping kickstart my morning. I used to do email, read Hacker News, browse pull requests, and dick around for an hour until morning meetings. That left me pretty flat. In the office pre-covid, chatting with my team and strategizing would get me in the right mindset. This seems to missing working from home, so I'm figuring myself out a bit here.

I haven't been very patient with some younger guys on my team, and could have offered them more of my time in this past week. The A players on my team are often taking vacation days, so some younger guys are tasked with things way over their heads. I'm struggling to find time to help them out while still completing my tasks. For this reason I picked up Jocko's Extreme Ownership.

STFU

This remains my biggest challenge, but I'm getting better. I can shut my mouth easily enough, but I know I'm still emanating frustration/disappointment/butthurtness. What I've been doing is making sure to have a productive task in mind that I can switch to if I need to leave. So if I'm cleaning dishes, I'll make a note that there are some boxes to flatten in the office if I find my lizard brain reacting to something. Because when aggression is up, I can't think clearly, I have to have a task in my back pocket for STFU/GTFO.

Sex

She's been initiating much more this past week. I think my aloofness has something to do with this, or possibly I'm more attractive due to small successes STFU'ing. Sex hasn't really been a problem with us though, she never turns me down, and it's not really a reason I'm here. But it's something of a metric for my own attractiveness.

Strategies

I am realizing that if she doesn't see me doing the productive things I do, that I feel that it's a wasted effort. That's stupid and I'm in her frame. I'm trying to deconstruct and eliminate this. Most of what I do, and what needs to be done, she simply doesn't care about or thing is important. She's a stay at home mom focused on other things, and hasn't owned her own house before to know what goes into it.

Example: we have some aggressive tree roots that are breaking some irrigation system lines. This weekend I spent a few hours digging/chopping them out and fixing the lines. We had friends over that night, and she said somewhat sarcastically "yeah I couldn't finish XYZ-art-project because I was taking care of all three kids while he was outside digging holes in the yard for some reason." I was pretty butthurt and wanted to point out that she was probably facebooking on her phone while the kids dumped toys on the floor for 3 hours, but instead I said "you're not getting any of my gold then", then left to go flatten the aforementioned amazon boxes. I tried to deliver this in an amused tone, but there was surely some butthurtness. Still, the fact that it bothered me needs some investigation. I need it to be authentic. Who really should give a shit what she thinks about any of these things that the man of the house has to do? No one, but I still am reactive. Working on figuring this out.

I have been leading by example in completing tasks fully. Of course this is an OYS thread, but one area I need her to be better at is not starting 12 tasks and leaving them half done for me to finish. This has been an area of contention for years. On the 4th of July we had a small gathering of neighbors outside. I set up the yard with umbrellas, bought and put on a small fireworks show, had activities for the kids, cooked a great platter of food for everyone, provided ample drinks, then cleaned and put everything away by about 2AM. I did this because I value being a good host, and having my guests worry about nothing and just have a good time. I honestly love doing it. I knew she wouldn't notice or appreciate the work I put into it, even though I wanted her to because I have some maturing to do in this area.

To my surprise, the next day she said "you were a great host last night, you made a ton of people happy". That night after the kids went to bed, she put together a quite elaborate dinner for us, served me, picked out a movie, then cleaned and put away 100% of everything. That happens about once a year. The key thing here is that I think I inspired her to do this, not that she felt she was paying a debt. There was joy in what she was doing, as she saw me do the same thing the previous day, and as I do most nights for our household. I'm counting this as a lead by example win, with the right attitudes, and I'm working on doing more of this.

OYS # 10

34 yo, 6’1”, 171 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 12% B.F (Navy method). Squat 185x3, Bench 160x5, Deadlift 255x5, OHP 100x5, PClean 135X3

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP, Pook. Currently reading Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck (80%), 48 LOP (Law 11).

I’m enjoying Subtle Art’s focus on values. Determining what you value in life and how to ensure that you are living with good values. I’ve identified a couple of exercises that I will follow up on after reading the book.

Lifting/Exercise

Cutting back on some of the running and HIIT workouts this week to allow for more rest between lifting sessions.

Diet

Focused a lot on researching more about bulking diets this week. Transitioning from cutting to bulking diets, caloric goals on training days vs non-training days, calculating caloric intake, bulking with IF, etc.

Ramped up my caloric intake this week to help find my maintenance level. Also adjusted my macros for proper protein and carb intake. This change will require me to keep a close eye on what I’m eating until I get a feel for the adjusted diet.

Goal for this week: track calories and macros every day

Sex

The overt contract still exists of trading a massage for sexual acts (usually a hand job), though the frequency is down to about once per month since I’ve stopped initiating it. It reared its head this week when she was giving me some LMR. I did not decline the offer, rather, knowing that she was ovulating I figured there was a better than even chance that the immersion it created would lead to sex. It did lead to sex, but had it not, I know I would not have turned down the HJ.

This is something that I have not killed yet. There have been times where I have declined her offers for transactional sex acts, but more often than not my desire for the sexual release generally wins over.

Mental

Experienced a new level of shit test this week. Wife decided to skip our 30 min HIIT workout one day. I was told I should skip it too, that I’ve lost enough weight, that I don’t need to be working out so much, etc, etc. I said I was still going to do it. Things continued and escalated to “Why won’t you listen to me!?” while I started the workout. I had a big shit-eating grin throughout the whole affair, and laughed at half of her responses. I had read about this shit test and that it might come sooner or later, and thought it was hilarious that I was now experiencing it. Perhaps a DNGAF attitude may have fared better. I also started DEERing at some of the early questions, until I recognized it and started broken record responses.

I have not been concerned with passing comfort tests up to this point. At the beginning I just told myself that I could use with a little dread that might result, and I would either A&A or just STFU. The comfort tests were also few and far between (or were simply things I mistakenly took for comfort tests). However they seem to be coming more frequently lately and I no longer desire to just let them slide. I’ll modify my behavior going forward to provide comfort.

OYS #14

38y, 5'6'', 196lbs, 17% BF (calipers)

Married 8y, Together 12y. 18y stepson, 6y son

OYS #13

Sidebar

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, Pook, TWOTSM, SGM, The Natural, The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Day Bang (50%), Sidebar posts

Reading:

NMMNG 2nd time. Currently on Activity 39.

How To Answer "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

The Rational Male

Fitness

Doing IF and lowering my calorie intake and working out 4-5 times a week, I'm seeing more definition in my abs. The rest of my body has been developed for some time, but the abs and sides I've struggled with for several years. Also recent doctors exam has gotten the wife to switch her diet to more veggies and less bad carbs. It's easier for both of us to reach our fitness goals when we're both encouraging each other.

Mindset

I missed last weeks OYS due to having no time to write anything with everything going on in life. I initially felt shame for not having the time to do it, but then I realized that I am accountable to myself, not to MRP or randos on the internet. I then forgave myself and the guilt and shame went away. I will still hold myself accountable and make these posts, but if time is not on my side I will get the next one.

This has been an enlightening few weeks, however. My wife has been a little more submissive in her tone with me. She's deferring to me more and I'm making more decisions rather than lingering on what the right decision is or waiting for her to make one. I've been more vocal about how we should parent our children. I'm also not allowing her moods to affect mine. There has been several times where she has given out these exacerbated groans of frustration about her phone or some other problem. Before I would try to swoop in and fix things. Lately, I've just ignored them and kept doing my own thing. She ends up either figuring it out or will ask for my help eventually. However, in hindsight when she's asked for my help, those could be good opportunities to tease. So I'll have to keep that in mind for the future.

Things are going well for me at home and work and such. I now feel like I'm on cruise control, but I feel like I'm hitting a plateau. I know I can move to the next step, but I'm not sure what to do. Is this a normal process for guys to plateau?

I've had a lot of thoughts on what my needs are. A few OYS back I expressed that my needs list only included my health and fitness. I've made sure to express that need and my wife now asks if or when I plan to work out and we both make plans to meet that need. For me and for her. However, I've been thinking that I should add to this list: my need to be treated respectfully. I'd always had the feeling that I was just disrespected and sometimes I'd say something other times I'd STFU. However, as a man growing into his full masculinity, I can't just allow some disrespect and not others. It's inauthentic and encourages bad behavior. If I want to be in a more polarizing masculine/feminine relationship, I need to enforce my boundaries and not just in my marriage but in all my relationships. Whenever I have that feeling of disrespect, I need express that and set the boundary and correct it. So by adding to my needs list that I will be treated with respect, then I recognize it as a non-negotiable need and I will enforce it. I think that recognizing my needs as nonnegotiable, I am able to have the confidence to enforce them. Perhaps this is the area I need to work past my feeling like I'm plateauing.

I'm no longer putting weekly goals here. These have all become habits and I don't feel like I need to write them down here anymore. And I'm realizing that this is more for me to gather my thoughts and ask questions when needed and if I'm lucky, someone on here will call me on my bullshit. And with some recent veteran posts, even the vets need to be called out on their bullshit. Cause as masculine and in charge they are, they are still growing as men and we can all be disillusioned at times and need the perspective of other men to guide us out of it.

OYS 1

Previous #0 (Rule 9’d)

30yo, 6’3”, 287 lbs. Wife 39yo, married 3, together 6. Son 2yo.

Lifts BP 115 Squat 105 Deadlift 175

Readings NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MMSLP, MAP (50%), sidebar.

Previous Homework

• Go to the gym and lift anyways.
  • Don’t allow the personal trainer to be an excuse of “I’ll start next week.”
  • Action: Called gym next day, had trainer scheduled 2x week starting Thursday after my ban. Lost 5 lbs. Learned form, still ramping up weights.
• Create a meal plan for the next week.
  • Action: Week 1: cooked every dinner; week 2: created meal plan.
• Resume daily journaling. (4/14)
  • Action: Least successful. Only 4 days.
• Finish rereading NMMNG.
  • Action: Done
• Come back for OYS 1 on Tuesday.
  • Action: I’m here, after a rule 9 ban.

MAP

• Green
  • Hobbies - Band practice going really well, hoping we can gig soon. Got my telescope out to do some more astrophotography, really rewarding. New lunar filter looks great. Got a new tent, so that opens some possibilities.
  • Social - Talking with my siblings a lot. Also reaching out to friends during quarantine. Not feeling isolated for the first time in a long time. Set up my team’s Slack instance and started participating in our virtual happy hours, which I had been dragging on.
  • Career - Huge demo for funders went really well and I caught up on reporting. Reallocated my time to be spent on projects that energize me. Made big progress for all teams so people know what I am doing - goal is to communicate rapidly and it is working well.
  • Style - I bought some clothes on my own and cleared my closet, basically starting over with my nicer shirts and ditched all the worn-out t-shirts. I also got sick of not having a haircut, so I gave myself a buzzcut. Feels good, and it actually works for me. I’m acting more confidently, people react to me better.
• Yellow
  • Parenting - Feeling I’m letting the TV do too much work. On the other hand, I’ve been bringing him out for hikes and he’s really gotten into it. This weekend I put together a bed for his room and we moved him out. Really good.
  • Sex - Since hitting the gym, getting my clothes sorted, and cutting down on my bitching (STFU, be playful), my sex life has started coming back in frequency.
• Red
  • Finances - I spent a lot in the past 2 weeks just decking out the home office without a real plan to pay it off. I was doing fine for 3 months without an Aeron. A warning area.
  • Diet - Still obese. Need to cut snacks.
  • Exercise - Hit the gym or ran 5/14 days. Not nearly enough. Personal Trainer is helping on accountability.
  • Cleaning - House is trashed constantly. I need to start leading this. A two year old is not an excuse. I just need to clean at night instead of doing fuckall. Our cleaners stopped with the virus, but cleaners are also considered “essential”, so I need to find a new cleaner.

Mindset

/u/johneyapocalypse pinned me 2 weeks ago. Measuring progress by my “sex-to-anger ratio” is the most accurate thing that’s ever been said about me. Rightfully, I got a ban.

It was a lot to think about, but excuses are the whole fucking problem.

So I got up, called the gym, got a personal trainer, started lifting. Lost the first 5lbs. Still obese. Meet the trainer again tomorrow. Diet is the next component.

I am a mess, and no one cares that I think she’s a mess. For that matter, I shouldn’t care if she’s a mess, so I stopped bitching about it to her. I shouldn't care if she bitches to me that I'm a mess - it's not news to me. My gut feels better, and there’s more time to do what matters to me.

I took responsibility and finally just kicked the kid out of our bed. Combined with my less-bitchy presence and initiative to get off my ass, we’re fucking more regularly. Again, increased sex and my decreased anger aren’t a measure of progress though...

The real question of last week: “what about you?”

In life, I got everything I thought I wanted, but found it was all just external validation - wife, kid, house, degrees... there’s a difference between vanity and fulfillment.

What do I want? What does my soul need to feel fulfilled?

When I can answer those questions, then I can measure my progress by getting closer to that reality.

Lifting and losing weight is a good place to start.

Homework

• Go to the gym 3x.
• Make appointment for physical therapy on subscapula injury to help shoulder mobility.
• Find new housekeeper.
• Keep meal plan - no snacks (esp. dairy)
• Finish reading MAP (50% now)
• Come back for OYS 2 on Tuesday

OYS #11

Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 18, 12, 10. Over a year in. Reading MMSP (2x), WISNIFG(3x). NMMNG (2x), SGM.

189lbs w/ BF 15%. BP: 125, Squat 165, OHP 100, DL 155.

PHYS Staying consistent on lifting, high-protein diet. Hit pre-COVID maxes on two exercises, will hit the rest next week. Putting in extra time for sit-ups, PT shoulder exercises and stretching to not have prev injuries get in the way. That's gone well and is helping. No lifts have hit those previous back, shoulder or elbow problems.

Last day of pre-hike treadmill. 2 miles at highest incline. Saturday's hike is 12.5 miles with 4k feet gain.

MENTAL Working the NMMNG BF questions. Today's was very eye-opening - how do I cover up my faults. I struggled to know what faults (I know the fake ideals I put up). After some thought, I came up with a half-dozen, mostly tied to father issues. First, I see I need to accept my childhood was what it was, yielding the guy I am. Second, all my crappy ways of dancing around those gaps by avoiding, blustering, being intellectually condescending and judgmental, and keeping me from accepting myself and therefore being able to move forward. Also finished another Rian Stone NMMNG commentary. Good stuff.

Working on being more decisive and had some wins this week. Thunderstorms are forecast the entire weekend of my hike, and the campsite was closed and refunded days ago due to COVID. When sharing this with friends someone asked what I was going to do, hinting they were hosting a birthday party. I had been waffling up to this point. As I paused to answer with a non-committal answer, I thought "Fuck it. Just say you're going to do it and who cares what they think of if it's a bad idea or not." And I did. And the next day I ordered all the rain gear I needed.

Question that got me today while journaling - "Where do you want to be in five years?" That's when my second-to-last will graduate high school. One thing I know for sure is that I don't want what it currently is. Committing to do the next right thing - sidebar, OYS, etc. - is all I know for now.

WORK PaperAlpha gave me shit about not doing anything about losing money. Thanks. Would have loved someone calling me out several years ago (my business owners groups did not). I have been much clearer about expectations of employees, scheduling more one-on-ones and establishing cut-off dates. By next week, I'll have answers and decisions. Right now it's just get the data of the results of our marketing efforts. Part of that effort is making videos, and I'm finding myself really enjoying that. We'll see what results it yields.

RELATIONSHIP I'm starting conversations and ignoring the outcomes. I can feel the anxiety in the midst of it, but just accept it. I review the WISNIFG rights most mornings and it gives me some mental confidence that I can navigate the old ways of relating and make it to the new.

Stopped work to jump in the pool with the kids, something I have rarely done.

OYS #3

Age - 39. Height - 5’9” Body Fat - 25% body fat(navy method). LTR - 19 years. Kids - 3

Lifts - DL-1x5 305lbs, SQ-3x5 185, BP - 3x5 212 lbs, OHP - 3x5 109 lbs. Lifting every other day on SS linear novice progression. Since pulling my lower back twice since starting, I have reset my squat very low as I dial in my technique. It’s going much better and I am happy with the results.

I thought I was 20% body fat from pictures but after doing a navy method(25%) I realized everyone was right in my last OYS that I was just fat. Going to start tracking calories and clean up my eating.

Stretching for 20 minutes a day was a goal last OYS and I’ve only hit that goal half the days.

Reading - 48 Laws of Power, SGM, The Book of Pook, TRM, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Reading 20 minutes a day is my goal and I’m hitting it every day..

Relationship - I am able to identify when I am DEER’ing but the frequency with which I DEER is nothing compared to a few weeks ago. I have not mastered AA,AM, or even fogging in any way, shape or form. I’m likely to come across as autist, but I need to focus on the STFU since my auto response to all things all the time is to DEER. I constantly catch myself wanting to explain why I do whatever I do all the time over everything I do, so just being aware and STFU has been a giant improvement. My wife asked if I was okay one evening and instead of complaining about a few things and vomiting my feelings, I just said I was okay. I felt really good handling my emotions myself instead of running to her with my feelings. It really was a first for me in all the time we have been together that I didn’t just puke my feelings everywhere.

No sex since last post. I haven’t tried to initiate. I have lost some of my desire for her for now and don’t know why. I am somewhere between, I “should” initiate more so as to practice handling rejection or enjoying the fun, while also trying to get rid of the “shoulds” that are in my life. My life is full of “shoulds” and they are fucking me up bad. I’m trying to let them go but I’m not sure what to do. When I’m not sure I just keep reading, lifting and STFU. Is there more I “should” or SHOULD be doing in terms of relationship at this point?

NOTE- I typed all that up, read it over and realized I was still concerned more with the relationship than I was myself. Ugh. I believe the answer to the “should” question is to do exactly what I want to do instead of focusing on the relationship. I continue to find myself acting for validation or measuring my progress by using the relationships status.

Alcohol- I’ve done a good job for the most part on cutting out alcohol in my life. I’ve had 2-3 drinks on 3 occasions since March. But, I realized I don’t want to drink again. I have been allowing myself the opportunity to drink by not setting hard goals on complete sobriety. Meaning I know that I don’t feel good when I drink and don’t want to drink but I have allowed myself to cheat. No more cheating. I know I don’t want it. I’m going for a year of no drinking starting today.

General -

Through meditation and journaling I realized how deep my external validation needs go. They are at the core of almost every decision I have ever made. I’m going to start NNMNG again and complete the activities, but apart from doing the activities in the book/s, the standard reading, lifting, STFU, etc, I’m not sure how to break the extreme validation needs that seem to influence my life. “Self awareness is not self improvement”

My first draft of this OYS wasn’t so different from this one, but I realized I had written almost every word with validation in mind. I was trying to do it right so that it would pass inspection, be approved, etc, but not in a way that was helpful to me. Not so I would get better. Not for me. I wanted everyone to see that I was getting it and congratulate me. It was a sick example of me writing to seek validation for my actions, praise for my accomplishments while also asking someone to fix my problems. I have rewritten the post, not so differently as the first time, but as best I can for me.

Goals-

1. Finish my credit union application
2. Read 30 minutes a day from reading list above
3. Set up fitnesspal to track calories
4. Start NMMNG again and this time do the activities(2 chapters+activities this week)
5. Go to bed in time to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
6. No alcohol
7. Stretch 20 minutes a day

OYS #1

Stats- Age: 41 HT: 5'10" WT: 195 BF: 18% (navy)

Lifts- BP: 245x3, BS: 345 1rm, DL: 430 1rm, 2 Mi. Run: 13:29

Relationship: LTR 33yo together 4 yrs, engaged for 3, getting married next year

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, The Rational Male, currently reading WISNIFG

Mission: I want to create a comfortable life for myself. I want to retire and travel the world in the next 10-12 years. In the short term I want to realize my full potential: physically, mentally, and spiritually. I want to be the outcome independent rock of a man that this world needs right now. Why I'm here. I got married early in life after getting my ex-wife pregnant. Long story short it was a really shifty marriage that I stayed in for 13 years. Ended up getting divorced raped and spent about 5 years NGAF, fucking 21 year olds, living life on my terms.

I met my current LTR 4 years ago. HB10 to me. My unicorn. She is a red pill woman and I thought for sure I had met my match. 9 years younger, wants no kids, has a PhD, submissive in bed, but takes no shit from anyone, including me.

I was living RP and leading in the beginning of our relationship. Caught oneitis and proposed to her after 1 year of dating. Everything was on the table sexually for the first 1+. Anal, eating ass, sending pics, videos, butt plugs, ropes, whatever I desired.

The reason why my shit is fucked up now. She’s lost attraction for me because I’m a drunk fuck captain. Literally. I’ve had 3+ incidents where I’ve gotten drunk, been belligerent, embarrassed myself, been kicked out of our apartment. I’ve quit drinking, been to AA, therapy, had good spells of not being a drunk asshole, but the goid times haven’t lasted long. I have lost respect for myself and ability to lead in the relationship. The sex has become very routine, I don’t get hard no’s very often but the raw enthusiasm and aggressiveness of the sex is gone. No more anal play etc. Usually just very little kissing or foreplay, always use lube, only prone bone. I get blowjobs whenever I want but have to ask 8/10 times.

The change in sex has turned me into an angry, butthurt, validation seeking faggot. I no longer am getting the sexual validation, so I feel like less than a man. I need to unfuck myself. I still want to be with and like the woman that she is. I want to be OI and lead to receive the gift of feminine energy from her and she deserves the leadership and guidance from me. I want to do the work and be the best me.

[deleted]

OYS #29

Sidebar: NMMNG, MMSLP, Pook, TWOTSM. Trillion Dollar Coach.

Stats: Career Beta, classic skinnyfat. 40, wife 40. Married 14 years. 4 kids (1 boy, 3 girls). 5'9. 168 (+ 2) lbs. 18% BF (Navy Method).

GSLP (5RM listed).

• Bench: 165
• OHP: 117.5
• SQ: 235
• Pendlay Row: 157.5 (+7.5)
• DL: 290 (+10)

Ancillary shit:

• Curls: 62.5
• Skull Crushers: 62.5 (+7.5)
• Weighted Chinups: 20

I'm doing BJJ 2 nights a week now, and, last night, after 3 weeks of work, managed to choke out two other dudes. I'm enjoying the shit out of BJJ, and the only thing holding me back from doing it 3-4 nights a week is that I have bruised the everliving hell out of my ribs, and I keep re-injuring them. I do most of my grips + holds against a dude who is 5'5 and weights 275 lbs, and it's made me develop my technique a lot faster, as I can't solely rely on my size or strength.

My lifting continues in fits and spurts - still at it 3x a week, but missing the consistency and growth I got from the early morning lift. In particular, my chinups have suffered because of my hurt ribs, and I can't even complete a single non-weighted chinup.

In the meantime, I've been working on my lower body flexibility, and some of the cats at BJJ have done a solid job teaching me a variety of stretches and pointing out flaws in my posture and how my hamstrings + back are a fucking wreck.

Career:

Started new job yesterday. Extremely in the weeds at the moment, and almost too busy to talk much about it.

Extracurriculars: One side business (a rental property) and 2 non-profit boards.

Finance: All pretty good so far. Have to survive until Mid-July without a paycheck, not concerned.

Health:

New job is really promising, my biggest risk is that my main client contact at the new job is a former coworker of mine who has some built-in resentment toward me. I can't fix his feelings, and am not going to pull some "let's go our for drinks and straighten shit out" maneuver either (seems too risky).

I recruited one person from my old staff, and (according to calls I've received and emails) now my old boss has now started going around town, talking to clients and employees, interrogating them, trying to see "the extent of Raymond's betrayal". Psycho. So glad to be out of there.

Family/Home-Life:

Handling an asston of shit at the moment. Nothing to complain about, except for hot weather, a lot of rain, and coronavirus having us on hard lockdown.

The wife threw out a whole bunch of complaints about the house, vacation, kids' birthdays, etc. I sat her down, drew everything out on a list, categorized it, and said: "these are the things that I deem to be priorities, and this is what I'm going to handle at this time, you need to handle these, and these, we will discuss in the future." I enjoy imposing order on the chaos.

Shitty weekend (monsoon weather), had me irritable, and I've found that if I've got nothing on the docket, and have completed all of my planned activities, I'll just go take a walk to get out of the house + get away from the wife and kids. Sunday, I take a 1.5 hour walk, and the second I get in the door, the wife is screaming at me: "you were gone for three and a half hours!" "Nah, it was an hour and a half". Her: "You have to tell me where you are going! Do you understand? Are you listening to me?" I said something to the effect of a noncommital "Yeah sure" (probably failed that test). All of those clever lines just weren't coming to me at the time.

Game and Sex

Averaging sex slightly more than once a month. Not great. No real improvement in quantity so far.

Coronavirus has revealed the following:

1. My wife is, at her core, a homebody who wants to cook/clean/read books/sleep, and do nothing else
2. On top of that, she is generally a high-strung anxious wreck with a "dismissive-avoidant" attachment style
3. On top of that, she has an immune deficiency that has her sick at least one full week of every month.

So, as I've said before - I've got my work cut out for me.

I found, in the past, that "date nights" worked (at least half-assed), because they provide an opportunity for me pull her out of her "home" mode (which is cooking/cleaning/reading/sleeping) and provide her adventure/feelz.

Where I suck, and suck royally, is I have no talent for pulling her out of her "home" mode while she is at home. She reacts really negatively to overt sexual attention from me while home - but, if we're out/on a date, she's much, much more receptive. This has been true for most of my marriage.

Scenario One: We're at the house, she's wearing tight short purple running shorts, and working in the garden, when she gets back in, I tell her: "damn, your ass looks hot as hell in those shorts" Her: "I don't wear them to be some sort of sex object for you"

Scenario Two: We're on a date, she's in a tight black dress. I tell her: "damn, your ass look hot as hell in that dress" Her: "You're looking pretty hot yourself"

The difference here is context, and I cannot for the life of me figure out out to game her or flirt with her when she's in her "home" mode.

The only thing that has actually worked so far has been "scheduled" home date nights (kids in bed, bottle of wine, charcuterie plate), and that does the trick pretty well. I just hate that it's scheduled/orchestrated.

In other news: I've been texting this one gal (one I met in a bookstore last December). Nothing sexual, mildly flirty, it's just fun as all hell.

In other news: I ran into one of my wife's friends/coworkers at BJJ (she was dropping her kid off for an earlier class), and some of the dudes in class asked me if she was my wife. Came hold, told the wife about it, and, I think, for the first time, I might have seen a glimmer of dread in her eyes. "How close were you getting to her?", she asked. I just smiled, STFU'd, and carried on.

Mission

Keep getting stronger. Be able to accomplish anything I want in my household. Have a great career. Share my gifts to the world. Build out my empire. Have a great relationship with my kids.

Age - 34. Weight - 150. Height - 5'10" Lifts 5RM - Squat 205, Deadlift 255, Row 135, Bench Press 155. Reading - NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, WotSM, MAP. Relationship - Married 9 years, 5 year old son, 2 year old son.

Mission - To be the leader of myself and my family. To be a role model to my sons. To be fit and strong. To value experiences over things. To be really damn good at the work I do.

Physical - Took week off for vacation and now I'm back to lifting. Following 531 Forever BBB routine. Lifts are increasing and injury free.

Working on tracking calories, that's a main goal I am working on this month. Need to ensure 2,800 calories and 150-200g protein daily.

My wife has been lifting with me a few times every week. I don't mind and I'm surprised she wanted to. She follows my routine and I give advice when needed. Maybe this is dread working? That 1,000 ft rope pulling?

Career - Back to work after vacation. Need to focus on doing a really damn good job and having that be my focus. I have been working on my career and made steady progress on a project for my portfolio.

I'm getting coached on how to be a leader and not just a manager. I tend to want to manage the day to day details. However, I can't do that with too many projects. I need to lead a project, look for the results, and let someone else manage the details.

Financial - No red areas here, from my observations. Got emergency fund, monthly budget reviews, saving for retirement, working towards a house remodeling goal.

I am actually too frugal sometimes that I'll let my frugal attitude get in the way of having fun. I'll have 50k in the bank, but won't want to go to the ice cream shop with my kids because we could get ice cream at the grocery store.

Social - Got a guys trip coming up that I led all the planning. Proud to take leadership in this social area. One benefit of taking lead is you make the decisions. So, I picked the dates that worked for me, picked the place, etc.

Marriage / Sex - This week I have a question that perhaps MRP could help with.

My wife likes when I spank her. Lately, she verbally asks for it. This week, during foreplay, she asked that I bend her over and spank her. I did that and talked dirty to her. During this spanking, she just started giving me a BJ while I was spanking her. Totally unsolicited. Unsolicited BJ's aren't typical behavior.

Question - Where do I go next? How do I build on this?

I like the response I'm getting from the spanking and dirty talk. I think it's the dominance of spanking that is making her turned on. I need to use SGM to increase dominance. That's the next step here, right? Thoughts?

I stopped reading SGM a few months ago because I felt like it was too advanced. I needed to improve my SMV before getting much benefit out of it. Maybe I should read it.

Goals

• Lift - Four days per week (M/T/Th/F)
• Yoga - Two days per week (S/Su)
• Track Food - Track calories for every meal
• Eat 150-200g protein / 2,800 calories daily
• Stop porn / masturbating - I'm still occasionally masturbating once / twice a week. It is negatively impacting my sex drive. It's an easy out to the fear of rejection. It's also not as fulfilling as actual sex.
• Stop browsing Reddit - I am still browsing Reddit daily when I'm bored and I don't like that waste of time.

NMMNG Breaking Free #3

Write down or illustrate the messages you received in your family that seemed to imply that it wasn't OK for you to be who you were, just as you were.

When I was growing up, my father pushed me to play competitive sports, fish, wrestle, hunt, etc. I was not really into these things and would rather spend my time reading books, doing science experiments, playing video games, doing my homework, etc.

It was clear that it wasn't OK for me to care about those things. It was implied that I needed to be interested in what my dad found interesting. He put me in sports, he dragged me fishing, etc. My dads approval came when I scored a goal in hockey. All A's in school? Who cares.

I often felt like it wasn't OK to just be interested in things I was naturally interested in. I had to be good at the the things my dad cared about in in order to get accepted by him.

Later in life, I did deal with this. I told him fuck you and started to do what I wanted. I stopped playing travel sports to his disappointment and anger. If he wanted to spend time with me, he could show some interest in what I cared about. I realized I didn't need his approval, his acceptance, and fuck him for making me feel like shit for not being just like him. That anger is mostly gone, mostly.

I am definitely more confident in myself now and I work hard to not give a fuck about other people approving of my hobbies / interests / actions.

I got an example, I play Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). Go ahead, give me shit, I don't care. In a year, I'll be a jacked, money making, D&D playing badass. This week, D&D came up with a hot neighbor. During conversation, I shared that I had plans with friends on the weekend. She inquired what I had planned and I shared that we were playing Dungeons and Dragons. Fuck her if she doesn't approve. Sure enough, she gave me a strange look and made a joke. I shrugged and said I had alot of fun. I didn't join in on the joke about myself. In MRP, I learned not to talk negatively about myself, so I don't do that anymore.

That's my OYS and Breaking Free for this week.

OYS4 (previous)

Me: Age 34, height 6', weight 181 lbs, 13.5% bf

STBXW: Age 32, married 3 years, together 8, no kids, separated

Lifts (pre-covid): SL5x5 lbs SQ 245, DL 300, BN 195, RW 155, OP 115

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, TWOTSM, POON, POOK, BLS, MAP, MM, 12RFL (15%)

Purpose: 1) Be the best version of myself. 2) Find meaning in my life.

Mental/Physical

I had a phone call with my father to catch-up this past week. I haven't told him the details of my marriage just that we had major issues that couldn't be worked out. He ended up giving me some unsolicited advice: that I should have done more in my relationship, given more time and energy into STBXW, that some people end up alone because they can't handle it, that some people end up with a woman who isn't as "good", and that I should be looking for my next LTR.

I got pretty fucking angry from this. I let this get to me and lost frame and stressed myself out, basically told him no that doesn't work, I believe I should have been more selfish and worked on what I needed to work on instead of spending time and energy supporting my STBXW's goals and trying to keep her happy. That I needed to be strong after the painful experience that I went through and to continue to focus on myself.

I realized that as much as I love my father and appreciate all he has taught me, I've lost a lot of respect for my father. He is hard working and talented in a lot of ways but never had much success and kind of gave up on his goals and dreams perhaps because my mother made more money than him. Now he is a grumpy bitter old man. I don't need to listen to his energy draining rants. I don't want to end up like that.

Aside from that, I've been getting back on track. I did a lot of things for myself that I had been putting off or just finding excuses of why I am too busy to do them. It felt great to be selfish and to do what it is that I want to do.

From 12 Rules for Life:

You must determine where you are going, so that you can bargain for yourself, so that you don't end up resentful, vengeful and cruel.

​

Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being.

​

You could begin by treating yourself as if you were someone you were responsible for helping.

Things are good on the physical side, I get my typical strength training workouts in and additionally did some boxing and cycling. I am still working towards 13.0% bf but seems like I have trouble staying at that level consistently. I may consider a larger caloric deficit as I realize I may have been missing a few calories in my tracking. May throw in a couple days of Intermittent Fasting or One Meal a Day which I have done in the past for cutting.

Goals this week: Reduce calories, reduce coffee consumption, sleep/wake earlier, and meditate.

Career/Finances

Expecting a couple of offers to come in this week.

Continue to invest consistently into the market.

I had chats with a few different friends on some business ideas, mostly they provide me positive energy and inspiration, for some I am able to share my business knowledge with them. I continue to research into alternative streams of income.

Relationship

Maintaining NC with STBXW except for logistics. Will reach out to lawyer again this week.

Social

Met up with some friends for July 4th, had some drinks, did fireworks, met a few new girls. Need to brush up on my game a bit but for now just enjoying meeting new people. Some of these girls shit-tested me a bit and tried to DHV over me, I wasn't impressed and they just kept coming back with more, fun times. I try to be a bit more mindful these days and pay attention to the types of women. Older and more successful ones seem to like challenging me but the younger and inexperienced ones are still pretty sweet and have that look of adoration.

I am more focused on building bonds with the guys while just keeping it light with the girls. I am being better for myself and not because I am seeking validation from women. Need to dial back on the alcohol as well so that I can stay the best version of myself, be in control, and not be hungover the next day.

Looking to continue this momentum and reconnect with old friends while meeting new ones. I want to organize an event and expand my influence. Need to get better at number or social media closing. I want to share myself authentically with the world, I think there was something about this in TWOTSM.

OYS 63

Fitness

Back at the gym and BJJ after 3 weeks on site. My back is screaming at me on a daily basis. I am hoping a consistent return to both gym and BJJ will ease the pain. Deadlifts are agony right now, no matter which type I try (Romanian, Jefferson), but I am persevering through the pain. Squats are simply not possible, so I continue forward with decline leg presses. I will see how this progresses over the next few weeks. I am continuing with the exercises prescribed by the scoliosis specialist. If the back pain doesn’t improve, then I have no choice but to see my doctor and get on painkillers. It is becoming debilitating.

Career

I got a phone call from a client asking for a report that was a week or two overdue. Not my project, but I was working on it. The project manager (also my immediate manager) had the day off as he has been stressed lately. I stayed back late to progress it as far as I could and sent him an email summarising how far I had taken it and highlighting that the client wants the report tomorrow.

He called me up while I was heading home, appreciative of the work I had done, but noted that he would have to come in at night to finish it off, and is unlikely to finish until early in the morning. I headed home, grabbed dinner, then headed back into work to help him get it over the line. I didn’t tell him I was coming. We stayed back until an hour before midnight, but got it done. He was extremely appreciative of my help.

Our current relationship is that we are the two most senior in our office, so we spend a lot of time working together and discussing projects, clients, and our other team members. This sort of action on my behalf further strengthens this relationship, the ‘you and I are in this together’ vibe that I wish to continue to foster.

Another weekend away

I had a family getaway this weekend. It was an awesome time. There were the common tensions that crop up, but nothing I can’t handle. My wife isn’t drinking as we’re trying for a child and was paranoid about someone bringing it up. First thing asked when we turned up was ‘are you not drinking because you’re pregnant?’ It was a non-issue in my head, but a big issue in hers. So, it was a non-issue, and I handled it like the non-issue it was. Easy times flowed from there.

Mental

I’m really happy. I felt relaxed and able to enjoy myself this weekend for the first time in a very long time. Most of that happiness comes from my success at work, and that I’m back at the gym and BJJ. I'm back on track.

There has been a minor issue recently. My wife has been venting difficulties about work and life, getting very emotional and wanting to cry. It is out of the ordinary, and the reaction is not proportional to the issues. My response has been to listen and say very little. After, I want distance to do my own thing, and have little interest in providing my time and attention. If someone else wrote this my advice would be to give comfort and pull her into your frame. Yet I had no interest in doing so.

I messaged /u/HornsOfApathy who provided some advice. It may be because I’m looking in the mirror and I’m actually disgusted by what I have created (given my struggles with anxiety). Or on the flipside, I know my normally sexy and fun wife is in there somewhere and I don’t like what I am seeing. I do suspect it is a ‘me’ issue. Either way, I take responsibility for how I feel and my reaction.

Or she could just be pregnant – too early to tell as we only started this month.

OYS #1

Background

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hj7xe6/hanging\_on\_by\_a\_thread\_must\_need\_a\_map/

Reading

No more Mr Nice Guy-Finished *1

Hang out with guy friends, don't try to please everyone

The Rational Male Year one

Hypergamy

The Book of Pook

Embrace the dream first, the girls second. Have fun. Keep oolala in mind

Married Man Sex Life Primer

Near the beginning of this. It seems to have described my situation extremely accurately. Importance of positive Alpha and Beta traits

The way of the superior man

Positive way of viewing women's constant changing of mind. Master the energy, masculine, feminine

Vision

Have a large income from multiple businesses I own a percentage in with an emphasis on my overseeing the tech side of things. Be noticeably physically strong. Look sharp. Be socially adept, be comfortable with approaching women or anyone I find interesting without appearing like a bumbling idiot. Be confident. Write a book. Be popular. Get a large social network and have parties with many people who attend it.

Mission

The stay plan is the go plan. But what is the plan? There's a few things here and my vision is not entirely clear but coronavirus has made me realise I prefer working from home or wherever I am. As a software developer I have some skills that let me be useful to any business that has an online presence and I'm currently working a full-time job and a have two side projects that will hopefully start making money. The mission is to gain enough income from these side business to make it possible to leave the day job and for them to be used lovingly by the users and customers.

Lift regularly, want noticeable muscle mass, I'm too skinny. Want to have the appearance of a strong man.

Objectives and where I'm at

Side business 1 

Basic elements of the site already made

Target for week

Make the interactive element function properly

Side business 2 

Using this to teach an old friend how to develop a software app. Breaking it down into small steps and letting him implement them until he gets stuck when I dive in.

Target for week 

Get frontend of application running on AWS

Lift

The gyms are closed here. Choosing where I'm going to join. Have been lifting a large piece of wood every day, multiple times a day and now my upper body hurts all the time.

Target for week 

Research training programs so I understand what to do when the gyms reopen. Continue lifting that damn piece of wood every day.

Write

Have started writing a story

Target for week

Complete first chapter first draft

STFU

Usually I would chat about every little improvement I make or any relationship tips I learnt. Now I don't do that. My lifting is now something I do that hasn't been noticed. The ways I'm improving and attempting to improve, I don't talk about with females.

Makeover

Have begun dressing up, improving my wardrobe. Dress up and look smart and stylish every day as a default. Even ironed my shirt. 

Start Talking to Women

The book of Pook says something like when you have a room with one painting in it you fall in love with painting and the painting is in fact the finest painting in the room. When you have multiple paintings maybe that painting is good for that and that painting is good for other reasons. This suggests with multiple female interests love will dissipate, and hopefully remove my urges of begging and declaring my undying love and other pathetic unattractive shit.

Actions

I've been communicating with old female interests and been kind of emotionally puking over them about my situation, and this has made the ones I hadn't slept with kind of tell me they don't want to talk with me except for one of them who has agreed to meet for coffee or tea, but I guess I didn't emotionally vomit much on that one just asked for practical advice over whether she knows somewhere I could stay over night. The ones I had slept with seem to have turned into friends I use to pour my pathetic emotions towards and they seem to be accepting of that role and try to offer support and advice.

But these girls are not girls I would want anything more then friendship with and they are not other paintings in the room.

I'm not really looking for women to fuck but for women who will take my attention away from my situation and remind my biology that there are in fact other women in the world.

Went to London away from the quiet town I've moved too and met a guy friend and we went to a bar hotspot and there were pretty girls everywhere and its been about ten years since I've approached from the cold and apparently I've forgotten how..

When we were leaving I felt sad, and betrayed and pathetic due to my situation, despite having had a good time with my buddy.

Don't know how to meet these new girls. Guess I have to cold approach them when they glance at me? Olala

Need to have fun and approach. Managed to have fun with my friend but didn't have the balls to approach anyone. I'm kind of viewing game as have fun and approach.

Actually I did approach a group of girls sitting in the park some days ago.

First I made a phone call and stood about twenty metres away.

Then I walked towards them and said, 'Can I join you guys for a bit?'

What they said

'No. My friend has autoimmune disease and so we can't meet new people blah blah'

What I said

'Cool, have a good time guys.'

Pathetic I know.

Social status

I've definitely let this area of my life fall down in this area. Going to London I could probably manage to meet one person. Most of my friends are from years ago and a majority have left the country and moved to far off places. So I can probably reliably meet a handful of people one to one but getting more then one person together is apparently beyond me.

Don't really know what to do about this yet. Going to try and figure it out as this is an area I've always ignored.

Acting alpha

Passing shit tests

Have finally started not reacting to shit tests and ignoring them and being unaffected by them. Kind of feel I knew about this once upon a time but over the years I forgot it. The words shut the fuck seem to have helped me absorb the idea and not to whine like a little bitch.

Holding frame

I've started giving people instructions and funnily enough they do pretty much everything I ask.

Have been fine when my girl has rejected me, but in the past I haven't felt or acted fine with that but would have got butthurt. Now I said I was fine and I was actually fine and uncaring about it. She wanted to talk about it, I didn't want to talk about it as it would have turned into an hours long discussion and they in past have led nowhere good for me. STFU. 

I've begun leading much more and being Captain of my ship. Deciding on a thing I'm going to do, accepting input, adjusting sometimes but usually my original decision was the correct one and I go with that. 

This does seem to have been beneficial and we have discovered some awesome places to visit, and joined a tennis club, and a bunch of other less big things.

Diet

My diets pretty good. Need to eat more to build muscle. Have been eating a lot of meat and vegetables.

Mood

The past months have been hellish. I've been suicidal, I've been homicidal, I've been a monster and I've been pathetic and I've worked on improving myself but doing many things in ways that conflict with the teachings in the sidebar. Underneath that all has been continuous intense suffering, bitterness, betrayal, torture. 

Maybe its getting better? I've been focusing on the big four Shut the Fuck Up, go to the gym, give yourself a makeover and start talking to other women.

Mostly I'm fine but I do regularly fall into some kind of deeply depressed state which takes a while to drag myself out off.

2020-07-07 This is my seventh OYS

Mindset

Found out that I missed out on the new role that I was gunning for. Quite gutted to have made it to the final round to find out that I’m not “the man”. Now to dust myself off and get on with things. This sure has hit my abundance mindset hard and I find myself reeling into a scarcity mindset that I need to sort out.

Mould

Threat of another local outbreak of the things means that the garage remains the temple for now. Maintaining my tempo on the rowing machine, with body fat still around 18% my main goal is to get closer to a 34 waist instead of a 36. Throwing the dumbbells around but need to add some more weight to this soon.

Man

Haven’t really taken any time out for myself in the last two weeks. Organised all my camping and hunting gear to be better set up for some solo trips, have found Remi Warren’s podcasts pretty helpful for this. Have a couple of likely spots lined up and am meeting next week with a landowner to catch up and negotiate access for myself to get after some deer.

Money

Missing out on the new job really just means sticking to the stay plan as far as that goes. We’re in a solid cash positive position, and I have no short term concerns.

Minions

Working through the periods of isolation from school and the office has certainly meant that the kids have spent too much time on screens. Our middle boy is for sure hopelessly addicted to his device now, so I will need to figure out a plan to lead to execution for a digital detox for the whole family. I find myself fantasising about hauling everyone out to some remote homestead in the wilderness for a cold turkey experience but I doubt it is sustainable. Curious to know what success others here may have had also.

Marriage

Organised to take the wife away to the coast for a couple of nights without the kids for our anniversary. Wasn’t the rampant sex fest that I caught myself hoping for in the lead up, but didn’t feel like I had set up any covert contracts or the like. Focused on keeping things fun and spontaneous, we had a good time. Been getting some softer comfort tests since our return. Wife has been talking more about “her job” being around the house, but the actions haven’t really been trending towards the words.

The grind is the path.

Oys 12

35 yo, 6'2, 210lbs, 15% bodyfat, Married 8 years, together 13, 2 kids under 3

Lifts: re-running 3x5 novice progression Current lifts SQ - 255, PR - 107.5, BP - 192.5, DL - 310

STFU - This is a top priority for me - appreciated the primer that Horns put out there this week, and plan to read it again more carefully.

Mission in progress. Working on a final draft. I have a plan to look back on some old writing I did on a trip a while back, and just haven't made the time. Will report back.

Why am I here? To grow up and take responsibility. To learn to be attractive and not be unattractive. Still fits.

Reading - NMMNG x2 (currently reading x3 and working exercises) Current - finished NMMNG - still finishing last breaking free exercises. Sexual shame is real for me, so this is heavy lifting part.

Going to go through WISNIFG with u/RStonePT

Pook, MMSLP in progress as well, focusing on NMMNG, Picked up PMOHackbook based on a thread in TRP from last week. Finishing No Bad Kids in queue.

Read - WISNIFG, WOTSM, NMMNG, Sidebar, a million OYS

Lifting - lifting 3x weekly - increasing each session. Still consistent.

Nutrition - Planning to hire a coach to get through this in July. Doing okay - Looking better than when I started 3 months ago.

Career - Bogged down after taking time off - Keeping this short today to get back to work actually.

Family - This has been great - running with kid and new baby and really doing well at home.

​

Relationship -

​

Talked last week about needing to STFU. Did okay, but still need to work on it. It is coming up how I speak, look for validation, how my wife speaks to me, etc.

Got great feedback on my last post from u/tyred_biggums and have been thinking about that. My wife is overall a good wife and a good person. What I don't like is she is frigid, impatient, rude and harpy. That's a lot not to like in the light of day.

Also I take responsibility. I have been a fucking faggot, and I am working to clean that up. Amidst the late stages of pregnancy and rest after having the baby, sex is off the table. It is a good time to go monk mode and sort of reset.

So much of this is living in frame, mental point of origin. I do want some tactical feedback.

A lot of it is around compliance tests. My wife is underslept and stressed out, but she doesn't work and has full time help. I tried to set that up to go back to work and not need to take on day to day childcare.

The thing I have noticed is my wife asking me to do a bunch of shit - pick shit up, fix shit, get a glass of water, etc.

The second thing I have noticed is that whenever I think of doing something for her, and I go to do it, she cuts me off mid action and asks me to do it.

Thought in my head: I will get wife a drink of water.

Walk to sink

Wife: can you get me a glass of water?

It's a bad example, I will think of a better one later on..

I spoke to this dynamic a few weeks ago and I was on top of it. I was able to interrupt this dynamic by giving my wife a nickname "The General Manager" and calling her that every time she did this nag shit. It seems incongruent, but it was effective. It may just be my nice guy training, but it seems kind of passive aggressive on my part. It just didn't fit.

I have seen someone (this week) post about how they did a no to every compliance request. That seems kind of hardcore given we have a 2.5 week old at home.

Bottom line - I want to stop being a faggot. Don't want to go rambo autist. Need help. Need frame.

​

Myself/Spiritual

Good feedback from you men last week on this too. Getting more in touch with the anxiety I walk around with on a regular basis.

Tyred's feedback on congruence was spot on - I am not living in harmony between thought, feeling and action. A lot of it is on action (even speaks to this crap with my wife above).

I have consistently had trouble in the past having and speaking my needs. At home, with friends, at work. It puts me in a bad spot and negatively affects all of my relationships.

​

Social - same old stuff - doing alright here. Connecting more with a couple of new guys on the phone lately.

​

Commitments -

Lift - stay on task - done

Nutrition - eat clean 95% - put on a couple of pounds. Plan to stick to plan of hiring help in July and getting on a plan.

Family - STFU and stay out of kid’s and wife’s frame. Remember I am working out less sleep, and pass shit tests. Failed - STFU STFU STFU.

Myself - 15 minutes of work daily. Done and renewed

OYS #3

Stats

Age 32 Ht 5’11” Wt 177 (+2) (Don’t know BF yet), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 6

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG. Currently: Rational Male, Year One.

Physical

Went on vacation for the long weekend and ate and drank like shit. Probably gained a couple of pounds of fat. Will work to eliminate it this week with some strong IF. Hope to end the work week back at 175.

Covid cases in my state are on the rise again. Need to see if the gym feels safe to begin weight lifting. If not, expect to play racquetball and continue walking plenty this week, despite the heat.

Career/Finances

Still strong. No issues.

Social

Hope to be in the office twice this week and play racquetball at least once, maybe twice.

Relationship/Sex

We had a great long weekend at a lake house. We were going to stay at a shitty hotel but I took the initiative, got a lake house for the weekend and it worked out fantastically. Wife was giddy about it and thanked me multiple times for finding it and booking it on such short notice. After the weekend, she was looking at lake houses for us to buy. This is ridiculous because 6 months ago she wanted to divorce and last week she shit tested me by bringing up divorce which I successfully passed. I just did my best “amused” face when she discussed us buying a lake house.

Sex was same as last week, 2 nice HJs and one unenthusiastic sex session. I take to heart that this is a marathon and not a sprint. I won’t be Rambo-ing. We have been together for close to 15 years. I’ve been STFUing, mostly not DEERing, reading the sidebar and OYS for well less than a month.

Thoughts

I am reading The Rational Male, Year One and Rollo talks about married men withholding sex as a form of dread. This seems to go against other things on this subreddit I’ve read about never saying no to sex since it fills a woman with disgust. Rollo writes: “In the end, who cares if you don’t get laid for a week? It’s well worth the price for increasing her respect for you as a commodity, and increasingly, an authority. If you want to maintain that anxiety, you must perpetuate yourself as being a commodity women will compete for, even in the confines of commitment.”

Trying to rationalize whether I should withhold sexual activity if it isn’t up to my standards or even just to hit the reset button on the currently lackluster sex. I’m going to ponder this for a bit this week and continue reading.

MAP

Still faking it here. I should wrap up The Rational Male and move on to MAP by Athol Kay, which may give me some answers. For now, my MAP is to STFU as often as possible.

OYS#5

Fifth OYS.

43yo 5'10'' 158lbs 16% BF, married, together 25 years, kids 2

Read:

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, TDBF, HTWFAIP, PFP, Pook, TRM

Reading:

48LOP, AOS.

Health/Physical:

Diet: Keto

Eating more, but still keto. Added protein shakes on lifting days and sometimes on rest days too.

Stronglifts 5x5: SQ: 138lbs, BP: 110lbs, BR: 88lbs, OHP: 88lbs: DL: 143lbs

After failing 88lbs on the OHP on Wednesday last week, I managed it yesterday, so still progress.

Damn, do I look forward to every workout!

Goal: Weight 165lbs at or below 15% BF by end of September.

Mental:

Long term: Develop a frame.

Short term: STFU on shit-tests, DNGAF on rejections.

Finances:

Comfortable.

Family/Marriage:

Set a boundary. Wife complains endlessly about Corona, weather, not being able to travel. I have STFU about it until now and tried to be cheerful and do my own thing. But now, I told her we need to make the best of the situation and that she was being a fucking downer. I know by now she would like the summer to be different, but it isn't, so stop complaining.

I failed to set a boundary. Wife was watching TV in the bedroom (I know) and I went to bed. She said she wanted to finish the episode and I was fine with that. Only when it was done she started the next one and instead of telling her to shut it off, I went and played online poker, which I enjoy, but really what I wanted to do was sleep. Well, 20 minutes later she was sleeping and I was playing a two hour tournament.

Sex:

None this week. One initiation. I failed my goal here. Very little kino as well. I need to step up my game.

She said after dinner yesterday that we should find time some morning for some "us time" as the kids are always around and never go to bed now that school's out. Well, that got me into a covert contract for this morning, even though I tried my best. I should have realized she felt it there and then and that has little to do with what she would feel this morning. Anyway, the initiation lead nowhere and I felt a bit depressed by it. Need to kill the covert contract and initiate with full OI.

Goal: Kino and initiate several times a day.

Social:

Nothing to report.

OYS 2

Late 30s, 5'9”. 168lbs, 15%bf. Married 6 years, 3 kids ages 2-8.

Current lifts 5x5: squat 225# (cant squat right now), bench 145#, deadlift 225# (cant Deadlift right now), OHP 100#, Row 145#.

Read / listened. NMMNG, Rational Male, WISNIFG, working through sidebar.

​

My MAP/ Mission:

Be the best version of me that I can. Be fun, fit, financially set and fuck. Live life, don’t just let it happen. Raise masculine boys and a well-rounded girl. Lift, sidebar & STFU.

​

Read this week. u/Blarg_Risen/ post on what a successful mind and marriage looks like

I really enjoyed this post and the progression. What I learned from this was that I already view myself as having a higher SMV. I think I’ve been reluctant to fully commit to the MRP process as I fear improving as this will increase the gap further and she won’t keep up or isn’t capable of improving. Its fear of success rather than failure and its now clear that I’m not doing this 1005 for me. There is an element of me trying to change my wife. I’ve read enough post to know that MRP doesn’t do that. In essence, I am not my mental point of origin.

Other things I learned were:

That I know nothing.

I don’t read context and take things at face value too much.

I know nothing. There are no many books outside of the recommended list.

If I’m not content with an area, I need to take some responsibility for this and learn to get what I want (especially sex life).

And finally, that I know nothing.

​

Physical:

Last week i was thinking about if I want to look good for me or do I want to look good to get attention and validation from others . u/threekindsoflucky/ suggested that it doesn’t have to be one or the other and it can be both. I was looking at this from a very "A or B" point of view. If what I’m looking at and what I want to achieve most is abs under my shirt where nobody but the wife is going to see, its probably less for validation reasons and more for my own reasons.

Hit my number of workout targets this week. First one I felt empty, no strength, no desire but I struggled through. No Leg work means I’m doing more upper body. I’ve always sucked at Bench. Stuck here again. Focusing on form and really slow reps. I’ve also added in an ab routine for non-workout days. I definitely feel bigger. My favorite shirt no longer fits my chest. Knee felt much better so I thought I’d skip getting the problem checked out. Well despite being able to do some 150lbs deadlifts in one of my workouts, it’s still a problem. Booked in for Thurs to get it looked at.

Waiting on T level results.

​

Career and finances.

Week was bust due to IT issues. Back to full capacity as of yesterday. I’ve decided that I can survive without an office in the short term. This may also help me get rid of longer term staff who wont want to WFO permanently. I'm still in two minds about staff. I have a plan as to how and where I can operate. I would benefit financially by doing this. No actual progress with cost cutting. Landlord has a potential tenant which breaks me from my lease. Waiting on them to revert. If not, have some work to do to find another.

No changes to Personal finances.

​

Relationship:

Anniversary week. Was told my level of effort was unexpected.

Shark week. Nothing. Based on my thoughts about sex life, I started reading SGM a few days ago. Only 30 pages so far.

​

Fun;

Did a few fun activities with just me and the kids. Also, phone reminder worked. Went to visit family who live 2 hours away. Communicated plan to everyone in advance, organised everything, Gave kids jobs to do to get ready, executed plan. Everyone enjoyed it.

​

STFU:

A few minor shit tests this week. I still speak before I think when I get these. No Deering but I did insta-respond to begin deering. Caught myself and STFU.

Bigger Shit test yesterday and this morning. I’ll digest and write about it next week.

OYS #7

40, 6’0 195lbs (+1 from last week), 14%BF, navy Married 15 years, wife 40, son 6yo. OYS 101 Lifts (2RM’s): SQ347,5, BP245, PR170, DL445. Read: 2nd run through done of MMSLP+MAP. Currently TWOTSM and a bit WISNIFGY/NMMNG. I think I can reread/listen to those for a lifetime and still get a-ha moments. Lots of older MRP posts thrown in. STFU: Progressing. I see the holes in it more and more. Adding some decent DNGAF.

Things I have done well:

Social, leading, no alcohol, hygiene, meditation, family, diet, training, no porn/fap etc. etc. still on lock. Really doing well with doing cool shit with the kid and widening his horizon. Happy about that.

Two week diet break is over soon. Deload this week so nothing to report from the gym. Ran 5x this week due to fewer workout days. This does wonders for my mental state.

Praising 5-10 times a day is getting much better. Striking a weird balance with this and DNGAF and little time and attention because, well, I have better stuff to do than just hang out not doing much.

Generally getting better at just doing what I want to do. Being less in other peoples heads and more in my own. Realizing how long I have to go in this respect feels like a major achievement.

Got things moving with a lawyer (thanks Tyred) so if I at some point need it, I will have the right tools for us to split in a way that doesn’t fuck me for life yet also secures my son has a decent upbringing (access to both parents and reasonable financial security).

Work and sex

Work is turning around. Not because of concrete events, but my mindset. I am more energized, decisive and focused. Landing some deals, getting some plans in motion and getting further in clearing out the department of toxic employees. It is part of the masculine energy I am finally owning. Not backing down from necessary conflict to protect other peoples feelings and not wanting to be the “bad guy”. Sometimes that’s what’s needed. I need to not take my foot off the gas.

Sex is a funny one. Sometimes you have to look back to see the progress. So within a matter of weeks I went from being unproductively focused on masturbation, porn, and being a spread sheet guy (in my head at least) about having a certain amount of sex with the wife (3-4 times week) to instead focusing on my desire and owning it, when it’s there, accepting when it isn’t. And not being butthurt or in my head about starfish, but just enjoying myself as best I can with what I have. Thanks, MRP, I needed to break free of that myopic focus.

I will keep just taking sex how and when I want, in spite of the lack of reciprocity. This isn’t good enough long term but OK for now. Have been developing some things, e.g. taking her to a sex shop to get some stuff etc.

My mission

I had this pretty well established before I had the big reset with the wife a year or two back and went into a beautiful guilt/shame-spiral. I sort of lost my way, now starting to wake up again. So some elements are starting to coalesce.

I want to change the world. Give my gift to those that have an honest need for it, helping them realize their potential in order to make the world a better place. I know it sounds lofty. But this is it for me.

At work it means that people management, strategic decision making and partnerships/networking etc. have to be the focus. And it has to be in an industry where there is a high degree of purpose in terms of working for the common good. It doesn’t have to be some hippie NGO, it could easily be a startup with an awesome solution, a global corporate (as now) with several higher level purposes aligned with the SDG’s, a public entity engaged in health care etc.

In my relationships it means that I focus on bringing depth and growth to my friends, colleagues and family. And choose whom to engage with based on this. Some people are not ready for that kind of relationship, which is perfectly fine. But I won’t spend my energy on them in this case.

Shit to own

I am still an entitled little shit with my wife. I had this line in last OYS and I will leave it there for the next ones until it stops being true. It’s almost more true this week than last. It hurts as a motherfucker to even write it, but this is how it is: I keep telling myself these stories about how she is wrong in whatever way, instead of focusing on leading her to be better.

And here is the real stinker. It would be bad enough if it was just in my head because as we know, it affects how you act and are perceived in the world. BUT I carry enough resentment that I run my mouth about it to other people. A lot. God I am not happy writing that sentence. It’s goddamn ridiculous. I have considerable work to do. Only positive thing to say is that I am aware of it.

Me doing me is good and fine. And I do lead as a boss with the fam, and it is awesome. However, I am currently spending considerably less time with her. It is pleasant. Yet obviously not what I want long term and I am probably using it as an escape. It is, however, what feels natural also per mission. I give my time and effort where it makes a positive difference and is wanted. But I am probably just hamstering away issues here.

Stuff to get done

I need to get back on the diet train. I have no business being 14-15% BF (navy method). It’s just 10lbs I need to shave off I think to be where I need to be. This would put me around a 2xBW squat 1,5xBW bench etc., which usually means someone is not too weak or fat. I am not in a hurry but I don’t want to keep spinning my wheels either. The break was good and necessary, but I need to get back at it. Not because it will work any magical sexual desire or other voodoo. My physique is fine and my issues are more on the “being unattractive” behavioral side. But, I want to make a bigger dent in the world and this will help.

Then there is the harder stuff. Like try to focus on the positives in my marriage not just the negatives (got good feedback on that last week) and enjoy them. Not get pissed that my woman behaves like one (don’t blame water for being wet). Keep doing me and stuff I feel like doing - realize the relationship is hers to tend. Contemplate this little nugget I picked up in a comment in last weeks thread “The more things you try to control the more of a prison you build for yourself. There’s one thing you can always control: that’s your mentality and outlook. Focus on that.”

And most importantly for the love of everything holy STFU, in particular about my fee-fee’s and entitlement and just DO stuff.

OYS 1

Stats: 37 y/o, Ht. 5'9", Wt. 146 lb, BF% 10.5% (Navy Method) Relationship: Wife 40 y/o, married 4 yrs. (together 7 yrs.) Kids: (Blood) 3/F, 3/M, (as, Cuckold Jesus) 9/F, 19/M, 21/M, 23/M, 24/F Lifting: Current SL5x5, (SQ/BP/DL/OHP/ROW) 85/105/100/70/85# Literature: Current - Practical Female Psychology (audio)

I was putting off writing an OYS until everything looked perfect (i.e., Lifts were at x percent given my body weight, I learned to use all the cool Jedi mind tricks in WISNIFG, I was at least talking to another woman who is not a Starbucks barista, store cashier or worked at the twins’ daycare, etcetera.) However I came to grips with the fact that I am trying to be deceptive and deluding myself into procrastinating by trying to come off perfect and like I had my shit together. Which I don’t because if I did -- I wouldn’t be here. Time to put my chips on the table and show my cards. Either I’m in the game or mentally masturbating about it. Don’t expect much ...

First, I took some time to think about how I want my life to look. I assume this constitutes my Mission.

1. Practice objective rational self-interest and live with integrity, honestly and truthfully (in word, action and execution) according to my morals and values (without exception).
2. Seek an optimal, ordered, organized, minimalist, balanced and self-disciplined life. Living only with the goal end state to be happy and enjoy life by cultivating daily positive habits.
3. Pursue physical strength and endurance. No longer be seen or assumed as weak, or incapable.
4. Be assertive and proactively conquer my fears and timidity because of my self-perceived weaknesses.
5. No longer try to be perfect for myself [or others]. Discover faults, honestly reconcile them and be better.
6. Pursue hobbies, learning and experiences of anything that interests me in order to be well-rounded in action, and thought. (Basically, be well read, well traveled, well experienced, well versed, well fed, well fucked).
7. Order and organize my finances. Study and make proper investments , undertake multiple streams of income, save - but enjoy what life has to offer..
8. Surround myself with positive, intellectually open-minded people. Who can challenge, motivate and offer support and add value to compliment my life in every way it can be experienced.
9. Be in an insanely fun and fulfilling relationship with an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, loyal, and affectionate woman who provides me good passionate, intimate, enthusiastically kinky and frequent sex. Who desires to provide peace in my life and wants to please me.
10. To raise happy, independent, intelligent, successful well-adjusted children to become competent adults. I realize this is a bit of a covert contract since it suggests doing the best I can will equal the optimal end state for other people (my children). However, not necessarily what will happen, despite best effort. I guess I should frame myself as to being the best father I can be and not necessarily that my kids will be defied saints because of it.

Physical My lifts are in the shitter. Especially my SQ in relation to the other four. I’ve gained 3 pounds since starting - BF% being the same with no change in diet except I’m probably eating more due to the new physical activity. I have started to increase the volume of my assistance work and aiming for 100 total reps per body part (arms, chest abs, legs, shoulders) over 2 or 3 exercises in addition to the main lifts. And, 200 total reps for back (since it’s my weak area, re: SQ). I’m not doing any cardio, but I do push a loaded (90#) Prowler back and forth over 40 yards every Sunday in an effort to get my legs and lower back stronger for SQs/DLs.

Mental Overall I’m wrestling with anger and sunk-cost fallacy given my marriage in relation to my kids, and just what my end state looks like.

Relationships Things with my wife are interesting. More so me than her. Essentially, at this point it comes down to I love my wife, but 95% of the time I don’t actually like talking to her or being around her. I feel bad about it and I realize the lack of respect and lack of deference she shows towards me is completely my fault. I fail to lead, I do too much placating in order to make her happy. I do that in a lot of my relationships with people, not just marriage (even the fucking cashier at the stores).

This is a combination of (a) I’m just not a fucking prize and not interesting enough to her to be made a priority as a distraction in-and-of-myself for my wife and (b) I just picked horribly.

Right now, I’m just actively trying to STFU even if I have to be autistic about it (which surprise! leads to my wife being upset about). Over the last month I’ve failed horribly twice where I’ve lost my shit and gone full retard … pretty much said yo I’m not happy let’s just get divorced. Other times I’ve been able to recognize a few exchanged sentences in where things were going and just saying some version of “we’re not going to discuss this.” I’ve gotten sucked into an argument about my step kids, TV shows, work, somebody else's wedding, and I got sucked into an argument having to do with my sister-in-law’s relationship drama. Guess what? Next time, I won’t just won’t engage. I need to recognize shit is about to pop and eject from the immediate location altogether.

Other than that, one of my best friends came over for the holiday with his fiance and their child. We were able to get away at the grill and talk about life which was much needed. He told me he was proud of me for stepping up and doing what I am as a step father which was cool. I knew even though he was one of my groomsmen he was apprehensive. I told him that he was absolutely fucking right years ago - and I was wrong, but thanks for speaking up even if I didn’t listen. He brought over some fireworks which pissed off the neighbors but the kiddos were happy (even if scared by the noise). As soon as the COVID-19 hysteria is over and people stop being scared shitless, I know for sure I want to hang out more. Making my wife (and dependents) my mental point-of-origin has caused me to neglect those relationships that I valued.

Financial/Career For a long time, I have let my wife handle the finances. I have always been the go-along to get along type. Even when it doesn’t benefit me. I’d say my piece but rather not deal with any conflict I would say, “do what you want.” Not in a butt-hurt way, and also not really meaning it - but to say “you’re an adult you know what you think is best, so do it instead of fussing with me about it”. However this isn’t working in any way. I simply failed to lead and the results are showing. Overall, we’re in ok shape - but the wife listening to the advice of her sister and friends has racked up credit card debt. Insurmountable, nope. Drain on finances for stuff we didn’t need, could have put off - absolutely. But will cause temporary discomfort in order to remediate.

Simply I failed to be assertive and lead. This is my fault. For the price of not being frowned at or being uncomfortable because I was getting the silent treatment for a few years I just looked the other way as bad financial decisions were being made. I take full responsibility. If I think about it, I was being passive aggressive, hoping she’d see the error of her ways and toss control of the finances to me. Nope, son! That didn’t happen.

I have a subscription to You Need A Budget (YNAB) - which is what I used prior to being married, and the last few days I’ve been taking inventory and cataloging what’s coming in and what’s going out and have started to pay extra to pay this debt down.

Work wise, I’ve been put on a new very public facing account for my company. I am junior to a woman who just went through a nasty divorce for which she’s bitter about, and finds a way to mention in every interaction we have. On top of that is trying to make a mark for herself after her last project was a failure. So far, things are going well - but she’s the type to gossip and then drive the bus over you to save face. I’m being as proactive as I can be, as I know I’ve been left off some emails and out of some initial meetings, not on purpose but because staffing was just recently signed-off on, so I’m playing catch up a bit. I’ve been able to get myself read up to speed on the client so I’m at least not starting from zero like I was the last couple of weeks.

OYS #1 (yeah I deleted one a long time ago)

Stats: 36 married 10, Wife 34, 2 girls ages 2 and 7. 5’ 11’’ 190 pounds

Lifts: Bench 290, Squat 330, OHP 170, Dead lift 340

Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, WOTSM, SGM, Art of Seduction, side bar, other OYS

Background: Similar to everyone here, didn’t understand the role of males or females in marriage (probably couldn’t have been told either). Created lots of covert contracts (big and small). When non of these contracts were fulfilled I became resentful then passive aggressive. I gave control of the ship to the wife as a means of punishing her. January of this year realized something was wrong and that happy people shouldn’t live this way. Fucked it up worse by then trying to fix it and amplifying validation seeking behavior. Found MRP at the end of January on the recommendation of internet random, watched BPP youtube videos. I am now here to own my shit.

Mental: I am in a strange place. I grew up in a poor and abusive household. The poverty and abuse created 2 fears within me: rejection and failure. Both fears center around me not being good enough. These fears have both served and hindered me. They have served by motivating me to improve myself, when I was younger, so I could avoid feelings of rejection and failure (for not being good enough). This motivation helped me escape poverty. They limited what I could accomplish by making me averse to risk taking (scarcity mindset). Once I got to a place in life that could be called success, I stopped doing anything productive/new/progressive and just tried to make sure I didn’t lose what I had. I am now working through every day knowing that these fears are there and that they alter how I behave and make decisions if I am not paying attention to them. I have to stay mindful of these fears.

One of the breaking free activities ask what I would do if there was no possibility of rejection. The first thing that comes to my mind is relax. Writing this I feel like I need a way to relax into myself and just be. Just want the things I want and take the things I can get without it being poisoned by fear/validation.

I can still occasionally find myself writing a covert contract or uncover one I didn’t know existed. I let it go but it is frustrating. More frustrating is the fact I still want validation. I want other people to be impressed with me for a variety of reasons so that I feel good. I know its bullshit but knowing its bullshit and stopping a desire are 2 different things.

-Goal: Continue to chip away at ineffective models of thought.

Physical: I have been around lifting my entire life and MRP has helped me rekindle my love for heavy shit. I am fucking killing it in the weight room, increases every week. Here is my conundrum I also run 3 to 3.5 miles 5 times a week. As my muscle mass increases not only does this become more difficult but it also beats my joints to death. Thinking about reducing it to 2 miles 5 times a week but don’t want to be a fag or get fat. Also strongly considering getting into power lifting. The weight room is where I feel the best.

-Goal: research running while lifting heavy then come up with a plan to meet my needs

Relationship: My mind has put me in a state of evaluation this week. I fucking hate this, I would rather just let it flow instead of analyzing things. I tried the exercise suggested by many of you of asking myself if I like my wife. The answer is I don’t know her and a lot of the time I don’t feel anything. I know that before I ruined her, I liked everything about her. I am not sure what this means. I just don’t feel congruent here. Under the surface I am still carrying around a retarded scoreboard and because I am try to analyze the data on the board then figure out what it means, I don’t even know what I desire in this area.

I do have a fuckup to own here. Wanted to plan and host a cookout for the 4th. Told the wife to call her parents and get them onboard while I am doing other shit. Later in the day I mention who I am inviting and am told that we are now going to her parents for a cookout. I wanted to fucking elbow drop a boundary right here but froze. In the past my normal response to a violation would be retarded rage and the ruination of a holiday. I have been changing this to the calm, sane, and assertive response a normal human has. Part of doing this has been thinking before I speak. In the second I spent thinking I rationalized that it was not the time to set this boundary because her father has cancer (bad) and my assertion would be conflated with not being sensitive to that. WHY the fuck do I care what she thinks, dammit. Then of course I am pissed because my actions aren’t congruent with my thoughts, try to let it go, cant. Tell her a day later. Just a whole pile of fuck. Teachable moment, I will learn my lesson, and deal with this like a normal assertive male in the future. I will set boundaries without giving in to emotional responses from myself or my wife.

-Goal: Figure out exactly what I need/want from this then ignore shit that does not help me obtain these things.

Sex: Like most people this is part of what brought me here. I can get sex if I want it, no it is not perfect in the sense that it is on demand hot monkey action. Here is the retarded part I don’t feel congruent when I am fucking. I am in my head either trying to get validated or prevent myself from seeking validation. Additionally because of the afore mentioned score board I don’t even know how much I want sex. When I started MRP it was every day. When I started getting it every day I realized it was some kind of validation and my libido dropped accordingly. Now if I go a few days I might initiate just to fix the score. Combine that with the fact I still fear rejection (even though I cant remember the last rejection). I end up confused about one of the most fundamental parts of being a male, do I want to fuck.

-Goal: Turn my mind off and be instinctual.

Shit I need to own: I drank 3 nights last week, this is a problem because A. it fucks up my sleep and recovery and B. the amount I need to drink to get the desired effect is stupid. I am doing this to avoid something I am sure, but when I don’t drink I have a very hard time getting to sleep and cant really identify what is bothering me. Could be I like drinking and have fucked up my sleep patterns.

OYS 1 (7/7/2020)

STATS

• 28 years old
• Married w/ 1 stepson age 4.5 years old and 1 biological daughter age 2.5 years old
• Weight: 230.2 lbs.
• BF%: 31.5
• Lifts (1RMs):
  • Bench press: 215 lbs. x 1
  • Squat: 260 lbs. x 1
  • Deadlift: 275 lbs. x 1

BACKGROUND

• I joined the US Navy submarine service in July 2013. I wouldn’t say I was a former alpha or whatever, but I was pretty happy banging the occasional rando. I was also a lot thinner than I am now. I didn’t know it at the time but I was a giant floppy faggot because two months after meeting my wife in Winter 2017 I married her, and in around a year after that I bought her a car, bought a house together, and had a child, our daughter, together. I was always trying to do whatever it took to make her happy, no matter how foolish I was. It was a ton of stress but I figured it was my duty to be at least a provider for my kids, but the stress wore on me. I gave up relationships with close friends thinking I’d have more time to spend with my wife and kids. It didn’t seem to matter because we just kept getting more and more distant. I felt like I was just propping up her life at my expense.

• Then she cheated. It hurt me, and I still think it was wrong of her, but I openly said that I believe I didn’t really make anything better by being a sloppy, boring, loser husband who was never happy and actively avoided her. I still believe that. We went to marriage counseling and I believe that helped at least make things stable, but I was still massively unhappy.

• To keep up energy in the Navy, I developed a crippling addiction to caffeine. Now maybe others can handle it well, but not me. I used caffeine to fuel every aspect of my life after the navy, but it stopped working. On two separate occasions, one being two June 26th of this year, I crashed and totaled my car because I fell asleep at the wheel. I was fine both times, but I had a bit of a wake up call.

• I no longer consume ANY caffeine since June 26th. I have three times as much energy and I’m in a great mood 99% of the time instead of maybe 10% of the time. I’m getting more blowjobs too as I’m in a better mood and have more energy. I know its beta to constantly chase pussy and shit like that but going from nothing to more blowjobs is a good start to having a better life. It’s a great first step for me but I know if I want to realize my full potential I need to do more.

• Starting Monday, July 6th 2020, I’ve started lifting heavy three times per week, focusing on the big three compound movements as I’d like to try powerlifting at some point. I’ve lifted in the past a lot but just got fat. Powerlifting at a relatively lean BF% will be a good hobby and something to set many goals for in the future. I think in a year and a half I’d like to try to enter a competition, even if I don’t do so hot. I’m going to focus on driving towards high lift numbers and getting to and maintaining something around 15% BF. I meal prepped for the first time in a long time on Sunday.

• Alongside heavy lifting I’m going to start the Snake Diet. It’s pretty extreme, but it’ll help me shed tons of fat quickly and it’ll help me have more energy and an overall better quality of life.

• Also starting Monday I‘ve committed to listening to the audiobook of WISNIFG whenever I’m in the car, which is at least 50 minutes a day, sometimes longer. I’ll continue to listen to it until I’m very confident in my understanding and then move on to NMMNG.

• In addition, I also need need NEED to step up as a leader and stop letting my wife run my life. I need to make every day an example of how life should be lived so that my wife will hopefully follow suit.

Edit: formatting

OYS#34

July 7

Me - 43 years old, 5 foot 7, 194.3 lbs 12% navy method

Her 48 together 13 years, married 7, one child

Past week was a case of underestimating the time involved to do work around the house.

Worked with the wife to repaint nearly every room in the house, taking the week off work to do so, followed by a long drive to visit family over the weekend. 12+ hour days didn’t leave much time or energy to workout, write or smash. Most mornings woke up sore and tired.

Got in a couple of decent BJJ sessions, but no workouts. Gym finally opened up, but reduced hours and they now required booked appointments. Schedule is pretty limited, basically evenings on non-BJJ days or weekends. Have my first two sessions booked for this weekend.

Mental

She was pissy with me the other day over an obvious joke I made the day before, saying it was against her values, etc. I STFU’p, but was annoyed, and later realized I was back in a few covert contracts, being a resentful little bitch about her lack of sex drive, attitude and purposely putting up barriers to that end. I was totally in her frame, and gave myself a mental slap and decided to focus on what I needed to do. First, I reframed it to being my own damn fault for not really putting in any effort the last few months towards leading the relationship. Reread some of the side bar, including “Don’t fix her problem, When to next your wife, and Reflection women thrive on extreme emotions”. All helped me think about my own actions, and how I had been prioritizing part of my mission at the expense of really looking at how I interacted with her.

Listening to Practical Female Psychology audiobook, as I had missed that part of the sidebar before.

I spent some time thinking about goals this past week, as I have had trouble with setting meaningful ones in the past. A typical pattern would be that I could set a goal, but as time wore on, or I came close to achieving them, I would lose interest in the goal. I have come up with

3 months from now I will:

• Be at 10% BF at 180lbs
• Completed 200 pages in my first draft and have outline completed
• Gone on 2 family hiking trips that I’ve lead start to finish

OYS 30

30y, height: 186cm, waist: 85cm, neck: 38cm, 85.0kg, navy: 15%. wife 26 married 1 year, together 5 years. 0 kids.

Background

I was conditioned to believe that all I would want from life is to find a wife and have a family. Everything I had done before RP was to find someone to love me and to prove myself to others. Since I have found RP, no longer believe that having children is my priority and that I had wanted them for the wrong reasons. I am currently grinding within a marriage to reach an abundance and outcome independence mindset. I want to live a life of financial, physical and mental freedom and I expect to eventually need to kill the puppy.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

Currently reading: The Power of Now

Physical

Intermittent fasted 5 times this week. I’m doing 16 hours fast with an 8 hour eating window. Did do a 22 hour fast on one of the days. I also did a bit more learning on the science behind IF and am fully onboard to using it during cuts. Still getting through my workouts and additional side work I do at home. Main area of weakness is still my sleep. Was back at work last week and I had a lot to catch up on and I chose to sacrifice sleep/personal time to catch up. Also went and got a blood test last Wednesday and hope to get the results this week to see where my T is at.

Finance/Career

Sold off the second half of my company’s shares that I had purchased as part of my company’s ESPP. Although I’m supposed to sell them straight away as per personal finance subreddit advice, the shares did increase significantly in the last 18 months, so I was fortunate that inadvertently holding onto them paid off. Selling all my available stocks off effectively increases the amount of savings I have by 40%. Next steps are to read up on my company’s stock investment policy, and wire the money out into my transferwise account so I can start to move it around and invest it. I shared the latest on our financial situation with my wife, and we’re starting the new budgeting plan.

Mental

I let my ego get the best of me. Perhaps through a combination of the six pillar sentence completion exercises about integrity/assertiveness in which I wrote about being honest, my wife starting to work out which led me to believe the 1000 ft rope was tightening, but most likely because of getting validating sex last weekend, I ended up believing that I could lead the relationship and shared a plan with my wife.

In the past, I had controlled the finances but purely on the virtue that my wife didn’t want to do it. I would just do enough to make sure we were paying our bills. Last week, I finally started getting my shit together financially and started putting together a plan for our financial situation, including budgeting. I created the plan fully accounting for my wife’s frame around her own spending, and I believed trying to impose on it would be going rambo. The new plan would allow me to set my own frame around our financial situation, placing her frame within my new plan.

As there would be no impact to her behaviour, and it was all about myself tracking our expenses, and using the other forms of savings, I had the choice to tell her or not to. There was a small benefit that my wife knowing would incentivise her to save more if she wanted to prioritise buying certain things. But the real reason I ended up sharing was because I had thought my plan was so amazing that it would make her wet that I was owning my shit and leading. I could feel the covert contracts building up as I planned how I was going to share the plan. I was so blind, I didn’t even think it could trigger a negative reaction.

As soon as I started the conversation, my wife became irate. I tried to back-pedal and start shutting the fuck up, but it was too late and I had triggered a major shit test. As I was in the frame of mind to explain my plan, I was DEERing but I didn’t get too drawn into the emotions once I tried to abort. I was doing a combination of STFUing, DEERing and DAREing. I tried to leave the conversation at multiple times just walking away, or picking her up and throwing her on the bed but she’d follow me around to continue the shit test. I was able to keep a mostly light and fun demeanour despite the shit test and my DEERing. At a point, my wife yelled at me claiming she was the boss. That actually amused me so I had a shit eating grin as I pulled her in, looked her in the eyes and told her, that I was.

After that went on like an hour, I just said what was necessary to defuse the situation, with no intention to act upon what I said to her. About 5 minutes later, I was asked to explain the plan again. After jokingly talking to her, and confirming that she’d listen, I shared my plan fully without interruption. My wife was fully on board and excited to implement the plan. I didn’t even change any aspect of the original plan that I had intended to share.

Overall I was happy with how I had handled the shit test but I should not have gotten myself into that situation in the first place. One of the earliest MRP lessons is acta non verba but I had convinced myself that I was ready to lead on this aspect. I hope from this experience which I brought upon myself due to wanting to be validated for leading, I’ll just STFU in the future and only share in the event of mini or full main events.

After the shit test, I had to manage my butthurt as not only was my covert contract about her reaction to my plan not met, I was heavily shit tested for it. The blue pill part of my mind wanted an apology from my wife but I knew that would be meaningless to me. For the most part, I had reset externally towards my wife, but internally, I was still feeling cold towards my wife. I journaled that accepting the outcome of what happened would be fully on me, and that an apology wouldn’t change what had happened. Also, that I should prepare for a round 2 shit test.

Two days after the shit test, I got a shitty comfort test. I don’t get comfort tests often so it was fortunate that I had expected it as it allowed me to start off on the front foot with AM. I was able to joke around and play with her for a solid 30 minutes. Through her laughter, my wife would return to the same comfort questions so eventually I told her that she just needs a good fucking. Through quite a bit of resistance, and moving around, I did a number of things that I wouldn’t usually do due to being in my wife’s frame. I put it in her mouth despite protests, joking that I couldn’t hear what she was saying, fucked her bent over the toilet in front of our main mirror for the first time, and came on her back and smeared it over her body, claiming ownership over her booty.

There was no problems after that and I kept up with the sexual jokes for the rest of the evening. Although logically I had known that I needed to be a lot more dominant, this was the first time I was able to put it into practice. I finally saw for myself how effective it could be and it also gave me the confidence to not stifle my sexual self. I will need to continue practising it to internalise it.

On week 3 of the six pillar sentence completion exercises. The volume is still quite large and I’m struggling to make the time for myself in the mornings. The exercises are still useful and allowing me to consider aspects of my life and frame I haven’t been usually, setting me up for the rest of the day, or at least making me more conscious. Reading the power of now at the same time is also interesting for the same reason of only considering the now and disassociating myself from my mind.

OYS 11

OYS10

OYS 9

oys8 Oys7 OYS6 OYS5 OYS 4 OYS3 OYS2 OYS1

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49yo, BF 20%(picture). Weight 87Kg, 191lbs

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Married 17y. Been together 24. Career beta.

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Lift

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Singles Kg/lbs BS 105/231, DL 108/238, BP 63/139.

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SS 3x5: BS 100/222, DL 95/209, BP 61/136, P 49/108, PC 49/108 (5x3)

Developing the habit. I have managed lifting every other day for the last 2 weeks and I am aiming to to keep this going. My quads are growing and I want that growth in the shoulders.

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Mountain biking

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I've have been consistent with this managing once a week again. Done a lot of work on the kids bikes and been out with them too.

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Path:

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mrp_beginners_guide_for_the_career_beta

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Read: with take aways

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Fountainhead: be your own judge

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MAP: the problem (you) can be solved in steps.

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MMSLP: she's on your side, bizarrely.

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Poon: stop saying sorry.

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Pook: AWALT, but are still wonderful.

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NMMNG: It's ok for me to have needs

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Reading/Listening

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I have watched/listened to a lot of the youtube content of RS, RT and 21 conference.

The Lean Startup: the purpose of a startup is to find a viable business strategy.

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Initiation and results

I am still very inconsistent with this if I am having a bad day or week I don't tease or kino through the day. I got 3 for 3 when doing this consistently one week.

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General

I came here to solve a deadish bedroom. It's still not great, but I do seem to be having an effect. I have made a habit of the lifting and I want to develop the habit of shaving the head and trimming the beard, Kino and teasing my wife every single day.

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But I want more now. I am working through some STEM lectures in an expanding tech area and I can see I would be really good at this. What I should do is set up a web a page straight away as suggested by JA. I am worried about trying and failing.

Dancing monkey

"I can squat 100Kg now and she's still not very interested!" I have thoughts along these lines....

[deleted]

OYS 5

46, stbx 42, kids 8 and youngest just turned 7 yesterday: 6'1 172, BF% about 20%

Reading: Getting Things Done, BLS, Art of War, Art of Seduction, Sidebar div prep, listening to RM and Daybang on audio: been through most of sidebar 101 once

Lifts: Plateaued on SQ 135, OP 80, BB 105, BP 80: added too much weight too fast, need to get deeper on squats, legs need more work: Getting into BLS looking forward to arms and abs workout detailed in book: Up to 9 pullups onfirst try, 20 total: According to BLS I've been doing way too many ab reps up to 200 a day, lowering reps and adding weight shortly

Diet: switching to organic plant based protein powder just to see if theres a difference; berry smoothies with milk, chicken, steak, sardines, tuna greens lots of water, fish oil capsules multivitamin gummy, dark chocolate, lowering salt, apples plums strawberries whatever they have at sprouts, 1-2 pots coffee per day, butter olive oil, learning about bulking and cutting in BLS

Career: started new job, its a paycheck but its wfh and I'm off by 3:30; busy af, working on YT channel video editing software keeps fucking up; learning podcasting, online biz time consuming stuck currently, there's 15 year olds making a living doing this online shit I should be able to figure it out; in running for 2 better paying jobs one wfh easy but not 6 figures, other not wfh hard but eventually well into 6 figures; overall things looking up career wise

Divorce: Discovery docs due soon, I was going to minimize assets but my uncle said be overtly honest about all holdings; I'm going to reluctantly be completely honest and just hope for the best, according to sidebar I shouldnt have too much to sweat I've mostly been unemployed the last 3 years (blue pill faggotry); I'm not angry anymore, I'm sick of missing my kids but I know they have food and shelter wherever they are: covid is making this drag out, I'm ready to get the divorce over with

Mental:

No alcohol, dont want it anymore, its boring af and just another signature of what a weak man I was before; if you are addicted to anything except life work and beautiful women you're not a man; the physical and mental work is the key to being happy; the old thought patterns that lead to porn, alcohol, external validation, restlessness, negative thoughts, obsession with mortality etc get immediately washed away when I just get to work; if I find myself dwelling on stbx, women in general, worry about not being rich enough, etc, my mind now alerts me that the reason I'm thinking those negative thoughts is LAZINESS: thats the breakthrough for me lately, stop being lazy, stop wasting time, get to work NOW and good things will come if you're patient, lift, stfu and read

Women: I've been nexting alot on dating apps, probably nexted around 100 girls last 3 months; if they flake at all I delete them, but I'm going to rethink it as some are HB7s+; too busy with job interviews etc; I do realize that most of their flakiness actually means they probably found a higher value male than me for now, which is fine: this whole thing takes time and I'm enjoying the process: since I'll be called a faggot anyway its probably worth mentioning that I'm getting hit on by young men lately, online and at the gym; if I was gay they would be good prospects, but my divorce has already met my ass fucking quota for the year

OYS #9.

Stats:

Age: 46(m) 39(f) Together: 11 years. 3 kids.

Height: 5.9'; Weight: 180lbs SQUAT: 207lb BENCH:202lbs OH PRESS: 121lbs DEADLIFT: 238lbs, BARBELL ROW: 160 lbs, all at least x5 BF: 20%

Reads and Audiobooks:

Steel's Guide to Married Red Pill, WISNIFG, MMSLP, The rational male Year One, NMMNG, The Game, Steel's Guide to Married Red Pill, MRP Beginner's Guide for the Career Beta.

The Mindful Attraction Plan (paused)

Book of pook (paused)

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (current).

TWOTSM (audio, will re-listen when ready), You are not so smart (not our material, just liking to know about our own bias, this helps).

I haven’t been reading too much books lately. I take Meditations when I have free time, but I advance a paragraph at a time. This book keeps me thinking too much. I have to speed up or I will bring it to my grave unfinished.

I have read many post of marriedredpill, old and new. While reading, I appreciate some changes in myself, and some old traits are not there anymore: not inspector faggot anymore, less beta, different communication styles, more STFU, being the captain, etc. This gives me some self-confidence on being in the right path. I still see myself in some of the criticized behaviors, but way less than before.

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Myself:

I have been doing a lot of introspection, did not write OYS in a month. This is bad. I had so many good reflections on many topics that I am sure I will miss today because I am lazy to sit down one or two hours a week. Fuck me. I was not lazy, I prioritized things, but this is DEERING. I have this hours a week for myself.

Reflecting about keeping scores in the relationship. I do not do it anymore. Before, it was a competition for free time, activities, chores, and so on. I wanted to have a “fair” thing where we “share” and we both contribute “equally” with some time of measurement. Otherwise “feels” were hurt and battles were starting. Fuck this noise. I could handle 100% of everything now and still enjoy life, lift and do my projects, I have no idea what the fuck I was doing before with my time.

My project is still going on. It’s kinda long term, but I have been drifting a bit from my initial focus of “launch asap and continue building” and going back to learning everything. Will correct and prioritize during the next days.

I think I still do some rotation among oak, autist, faggot, rambo, beta bucks, alpha, validation seeker and so on... but overall I am doing good. Catching myself on some old traits, shutting the fuck up and correcting course is more frequent than fucking up with DEERing, emotionally puking or picking stupid fights. I started with a real good deal of career beta. I am more balanced in general and keep focused most of the time.

I will continue commenting askMRP threads. I have a vision now far different from the fucking “traditional relationship advice” that I had before, and I try to help others to understand it. And while writing, it helps to understand myself, so it is a win-win situation. Furthermore, in case I am spewing bullshit, it will be noticed by some wiser men and I will be able to reflect on that and learn, which is part of the course.

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Current goals and status:

-Relationship: stop failing tests. Be the captain, plan activities.

- Computer project: change priorities, stop learning so many things and focus on launching early. It is my own software, it can be rewritten any time.

- Reach 1000 lbs club before end of the year: the AX-1 from athlean x will not help with that, but injuries are vanishing (they were there while doing Greyskull LP Phraks due probably to ego lifting) and I am more balanced and fit. I started this program last year and feared the 400 challenge. What a faggot. I did it without doing any effort within 12 minutes now, I did not even try hard.

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Relationship:

I don’t have any statistic, but the ratio of rejections has been lowering more and more. I still don't get as much sex as I want, but close, so next step will be working on the quality. I do not show butthurt anymore, specially because I am not butthurt anymore, I simply continue with my things and try again next time. I carry on pushing and kinoing in a playful way during the day every day. Some shit tests about being sexually addicted, but alas, I like sex, so I AA them and take them with a smile and some boobs rubbing. Maybe I am retarded. Some discussions that would have had us angry and embittered for days have been solved by telling her to raise her hands, tackling her, shoulder-carry till bed and caveman without a word. Smile and thank you from her side afterwards.

But not all the grass is green. There is a kind of shit test situation that I was failing consistently. Sometimes, I engage a bit in the test, and all of the sudden the topic is not that shitty cup on the dishwasher but challenging our relationship because it was about to be over and it was doomsday. These were not comfort tests, I am talking about starting like a normal shit test that you could pass “you this you that blah blah blah blah” and then without taking a moment to breath transforming it into “I don’t want to be with you blah bla (proceeds to launch all her nuclear weaponery and use all your triggers) boom boom separation divorce and I will get fucking all you will be barefoot in the street”. This test. I failed it two times in a matter of days. Blue-pilled my way, DEER, distance, calming down, communicating feels, rinse and repeat. Nope nope nope it had to change.

And then OI came to help me. I am not financially ready (working on this), but I am mentally there. I love this woman, still I don’t want to depend on her moods to build my path. Last time, I simply answered in a calm voice: “Well, if it has to be then let it be. It is not what I want. You know that I want to have you by my side and I want this family. But I am not going to force you to stay with me. You want to solve problems? Here I am, let us solve our problems, one at a time. You wanna divorce? Let us divorce. I am open to talk about it whenever you want. Just bear this in mind: this is a one-way road. Once you are out, you are out.”. And I mean that. After this, it “seems” I had misunderstood her. She was not using the D word, she was not threatening, she was not challenging our relationship, she did not mean she would divorce-rape me, she did not… well, after all this blah blah that she was not intending and I don’t recall, it seems I misunderstood. She did not want to fight. She was initiating and offering me her beautiful body in my favorite position. I got a “thank you I needed it” afterwards. This “thank you” thing is becoming a habit I could get used to.

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Lifting:

Following my goals. Taking too many rest days, but it is just a minor scheduling problem. I am on it.

Diet & habits:

Diet is good. Coffee is not with sugar anymore. One bad habit at a time.

I have enough rest, and I am sleeping my 8 hours.

I need to meditate to keep my emotions balanced.

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Financial:

We share expenses, but each of us has their personal account. I started to set money aside for my OI budget. I will save money for 6 months of a reasonable sized flat, layer fees, some court money in case shit hit the fan and some extra. I would say I am at 4%. Well, Rome was not built in a day.

My project is still not launched, so no income. I will track income to see if it is ridiculous when it launches (my blog income was ridiculous). If it is, I will come back to freelancing.

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Social:

I have been going out a few times. Different groups of friends. I was not aware on how blue-pilled all of my married friends and most of the single ones were. I though they had standard lifes with standard issues and small children, like me. Yes, but my life sucked, so theirs… well, it is their business for now. The life of the ones that are divorced or in the process suck. They have angry fighting ex-wives and they are in such a rage they cannot talk calmly about it. I had some conversations and got some good advice based on their experiences, but 70% of what they say is rambo. They will repeat the same errors (alas, one of them for the third time). I am planning activities and bringing them along.

OYS #8

Stats

Mid 30s, 5'7" 142lbs, wife early 30s, married 6 years, 2 kids under 6

Squat - 185x5, OHP 95x5, Deadlift 185x2, Bench 155x2

Sidebar

Finished: MMSLP, Rational Male, NMMNG Reading: Bigger Leaner Stronger

Lifting/Health

Lifting continues to go well. My body aches most days, so I know that I've been pushing myself. Back is feeling better with focusing on my form and massages from the wife. I have gotten a few comments from people, including males coworkers about my improved physique. The validation is nice, but I also feel better and stronger.

I have been eating whatever I can to put down calories. I have just begun reading "Bigger, Leaner, Stronger" and I hope it helps lead me over this plateau. Ideally I would like to put 10 lbs or more of muscle on. So far my weight has maintained in the last 6 months.

Parenting

I have been a terrible leader at disciplining my kids. They had a rough week listening and getting along. My wife thinks I am too hard on the kids and contradicts my parenting and discipline style. I have work to do and it mostly comes down to being engaged and level headed.

I still managed to put together a few fun family activities over the Holiday weekend. I have a lot of work to do setting a good example. I have been doing better about staying off electronics when with the kids, but the more I think about it I need to reduce my electronics use everywhere in my life. Life is too short and beautiful to be staring a screen for your enjoyment.

Social

I was able to arrange a couple brief meet ups with some friends. I also attempted to organize a cookout for the 4th, it was poor planning and last minute on my part, but I got one couple and their kids to come over.

Over the weekend I invited a couple kids from my sons daycare over. I have met their parents once, and they are about my age and live in the same area. I had a good time hanging out with the other Dad. We have a lot in common and it sounds like him and his wife are looking for people to hang out with in the area.

Looking forward to making some plans for this coming weekend.

Career/Finances

I continued to research possible job improvements and found one posting that I did apply for. It would be a stretch to get it and I do not meet 100% of the requirements, but the worst thing that happens is I don't hear anything back. I have a couple other prospects I am looking at as well.

Financially i want to tighten down the budget. I incur alot of frivolous spending during the week. $10 here, $20 there. I have no problem paying the bills and aggressively saving, but I could be doing more to pad the bank accounts and investments.

Since my new car purchase, I have been getting a lot of money shit tests from my wife. She has no grasp on how much our currently lifestyle costs, and wants us to live like we are millionaires. I have attempted to set boundaries, STFU, and just try and ignore the BS she spews. I control the finances and make 3x what she does. I am attempting to not care and keep moving forward with my financial goals.

Relationship

My frame continues to grow and get stronger the more I put my priorities first and not let other people bring me down. I try hard to have a DNGAF attitude, but it is mostly fake it til you make it. My butthurt sometimes shines through when I think I am doing a good job hiding it.

My wife has mentioned a few times asking if I am getting bored of her, if I have my eyes on other women, and If I would be satisfied with the same pussy for the rest of my life. I do not have a high body count, and I am the only person she has been really sexual with. I usually joke and tell her that she better put in the work to keep me around.

I organized a night out for my wife and I last weekend. I did what I wanted and had a good time. I gamed my wife the whole time. My wife did nothing but try and bring me down. Little shit tests, comments trying to see if I would get pissed off. I held frame and tried to create a positive environment, but it still got to me. I did a good job of changing the subject and not dwelling on it at the time. On the drive home my wife started jerking me in the car. It was a pleasant surprise, but I didnt want to blast all over my new car. I told her such and she threw a fit about how I probably wanted a blow job, how that is so chauvinistic, how I should be happy I'm getting this. I laughed and told her a blow job would be great. She made a few more shitty comments. I put myself away and tried not to be butthurt about it. When we got home and in bed she asked me if I am on Tinder, I told her something along the lines of not yet. I barely slept that night with how pissed off i was about the end of the night. I think secretly this whole date was a covert contract in my subconscious. I need to enjoy myself, let her worry about her feels, and not have expectations that I deserve things. I have been setting boundaries, bettering myself, not engaging in her depressive episodes, resetting every day, and all I have been thinking lately is that she is most likely never going to change. I do not want to go Rambo at this point, but that is probably my oneitis talking

One thing I took away from NMMNG is how worried I have been over the years on calling my wife out on her shitty behavior. I was so sure that It would put me in the dog house and I didn't want to cause waves. The worst thing that has happened is she gives me a shitty retort, I repeat what I said and remove myself. Everytime it has not caused a fight, and most of the time the sex is better later. She is testing my leadership.

After the date night disaster I reset the next day, had a good weekend day with the kids and ended it with face fucking my wife again. No need for me to ask or make a joke, no obligatory celebration, and it was rather passionate and quite enjoyable.

I need to keep my foot on the gas, not tolerating shitty behavior, and be the best leader I can be.

Goals

Continue building my social life Get better at setting boundaries. Stop smoking. Improve OHP numbers. Continue being the oak and leader for my family everyday. Work on a more positive upbeat family and home life.

OYS #15

29yo, 183cm, 75kg. Wife 44.

I haven't squat, BP or OHP in months so won't list those. DL 140kg x 7, 10x bodyweight chip-ups, can OHP my daughters (27kg each) one in each hand.

The crap

I haven't been finishing house projects in any particular order (often because I didn't carefully research the tools / materials needed before starting and then have to wait for them). The wife respectfully "asked if we could talk" then asked that I please finish one project before starting another. I figured that was reasonable so didn't DEER on why there were unfinished projects, gave her a hug and thanked her for telling me.

I was so proud of myself - "BOOM, comfort test nuked!". The next day I find an fb post by my wife with photos of unfinished DIY projects around the house with the caption "this is what happens when your husband does DIY for a year".

I was pissed but had a cracking headache so left the house with the older kids without saying anything to stew on it awhile. On returning I told her I was disappointed in her, that it was disrespectful and she cannot sleep with me.

I now realise the "go plan" has to incorporate the "going" part - how do I extricate myself evict the wife?

Household

I've been putting off laying a hardwood floor in the master bedroom a long time now (see above). Measured the room, bought flooring and the outstanding tools, emailed the store to exchange for the correct flooring.

Replaced broken bath side panel. Emptied front gutters of moss.

Bought a magnetic weekly planner which goes on the fridge for the kids. In the morning they fill out their plans for the day (including what we need them to do - e.g. schoolwork, tidy room etc). This helps in that I can know in the morning if they want my time in the evening after work.

Mental

Bought and started journalling. At minimum I simply write down (despite it being recorded elsewhere) my lifts for the day and whether I took fish oil capsules.

The bad: I'm more relaxed and able to focus on GTD and having fun with her pissed. I need to be able to get on with life no matter whether a woman, any woman, is in hysterics or slobbering on my dick.

Reading

Reread:

• HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches and
• Why You Must be Willing to Nuke Your Nuclear Family

After careful reading of the latter and the comments I concluded I'm now willing to nuke the nuclear family.

Physical

After reading The Leangains Method I decided to start RPT and installed RePT android app. It's then I realised I'd been half-assing the doorframe pull-up bar. I work in sets for every exercise, why had I not been doing this with chin-ups?

I tweaked the program to be deadlifts and chin-ups only, 3x weekly then bought a dip-belt to add weight to the chip-ups once I can do a 12 rep set. I now realise I can also do barbell rows so will swap out the Monday DLs for rows.

Offered a mate with surplus 5kg plates £20 for two to fill the gap - I've only got 6x 20kg + fractions. Thankfully he accepted - small plates are being sold for stupid prices online.

Bought the squat rack off Amazon, and 2x 10kg plates from Rogue EU after getting an email saying plates were back in stock.

Finance

Reviewed my tax return and discovered I'd confused business and personal and paid my personal tax return with business funds. It's now reconciled but it's a setback since my personal position is not what I thought. I will keep budgeting carefully until my savings goal is met again.

Style / Hygiene

Dressed "up" over the weekend with chinos, collared shirt and merino jumper.

Relationship

I've been focusing consistently praising both wife and children for praiseworthy performance, something I'd really neglected before.

I still need to keep my head down, focus on my own shit and forget about what others think.

TODO

• Hash out the endgame and nudge the go plan along