[deleted]

OYS #1

Stats

Age 25 Ht 5,74” Wt 185, 26% BF; I'm not married, More in an LTR

Reading

Finished : NMMNG, Art of Seduction, The Game, Mystery Method, Models by MM and recently the PMO Hackbook

Currently Not reading anything, I will be Reading the Data Warehouse Toolkit, Because I figured my biggest issue right now is financial and i need to focus on my Skills in my profession first (I'm a BI consultant)

Fitness

I used to do BJJ & Strong lifts 5x5 But the gyms now are closed up
So I'm just doing 7 sets of pullups and 7 sets of dips 3 times a week and also Jogging for 30 minutes 3 times a week (would love to get working alternatives to this, I'm trying to lose bodyfat)

Nutrition

I'm just filling my food container (http://cdn.hmizate.ma/media/catalog/product/cache/1/voyages\_image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/c/o/coin-de-chine-deal-12-9-2013-img4.jpg)

Everyday with 50% Cooked veggies 25% Carbs (pasta rice ..) 25% Turkey Breast
for 2 meals a day( meaning i fill the two plates you see in the picture for lunch, eat it, then fill it again for dinner) I also eat 3 boiled eggs almost every day. and 4 cups of coffee Daily

​

Career

I've started a consulting business, which consists of just two people, essencially me that does the actual consulting and a partner who takes care of the Marketing and Sales aspect, I found myself being drained of energy and distracted when i focus on those rather than focus on the core of the business.

I'm trying to grow this business but i'm having a bit of trouble seeing how to structure that growth and spotting the requirements, I've seen a post here about starting and growing a business, it's been a good starting point and I'm willing to go through the reading list he suggests.

Since my company needs funds, i'm limiting my personal spending to the minimum wage (which is enough for me to live an okay life, especially with quaranteen)

Social

I'm bordering on the anti-social spectrum since quaranteen measures are preventing me currently from meeting people by choice, i can only go to work, i work at a coworking space which is a pretty sociable environment so I will start practicing my social skills there.

Relationship

My LTR is confined in another state so there's no way to b physical with her, I'm limiting interaction with her to an hour per day online and 3 hours on the weekend. This has surprisingly made her value me even more a lot more then we were interacting all the time.

Education / Training

As a consultant, I feel as if how much I'm paid is directly proportional to how much I learn So I will devote an hour per day initially for training myself in Business Intelligence, whether it be online / education/ speaking with experts ...

As Business Knowledge is a priority for me right now, I'll be soaking up TRP knowledge the Youtube channels that are popping up right now and that are very regular with their podcasts (shoutout to Rian Stone, love your stuff man, it's helping me survive in the Sexual Marketplace, somebody tag the man)

Financial

I've graduated a year ago and started my consultancy company straight out of college with a partner, We only have had one client and i've only been able to handle one client at a time anyways, that one client pays really well, but i need to scale my business.

I still live with my parents and don't own a car, the right decision financially for me however, is to reinvest in my business to try to grow it (aka recruit and train more consultants to do what i'm currently doing) before Getting an appartment and/or a car

Mission

My mission is to become known as the #1 Data Science guy locally and to contribute to the economic development in the country and inspire youth who come from difficult backgrounds like mine. I believe I am well on my way there, and already getting a lot of recognition from the community, but the financials aren't following ... so I ought to focus on the financials first before I go for anything else. And immediately jump on any opportunity that allows me to get close to the two at the same time.

OYS #12

Stats

Age mid 30s, together with wife \~15y. 1 toddler. Height 6'1", weight 222lbs.

Squat - 320x5, Press 132.5x5, Deadlift 320x5, Bench 185x5

Sidebar

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, TWOTSM, WISNIFG, SGM

Reading now: re-read WISNIFG

Summary

I have been depressed, and spent a week and a half not doing much, including missing my OYS last week, and doing it late this week. I also resumed some previous addictive and time wasting behaviors such as scrolling news/reddit feeds. I am determined to get going again. In the past with events like this I was so hard on myself that I paralyzed myself with toxic shame and guilt. This time I am going to not beat myself up inside, but forgive myself and just keep going on my MAP again.

Lifting/diet

I had to take over a month off from lifting for medical reasons, and just started back up again this week. I feel great about this, and don't mind the DOMS. I have been fasting and dieting, and lost several pounds during my time away from lifting. I am excited to get to 220lbs soon, as that will be the trigger for the next stage of my MAP per MMSLP. I had a big gut back this winter, and have a visible 4 pack and a tan from exercising outdoors now.

Relationship

Things have been improving here since I stopped DEERing, but I still need to develop some game. We went from sex about twice a year, to about twice a month with my wife initiating. I have not been initiating with her explicitly, but doing the 10 second kiss often will trigger her to initiate. Given the lockdown and no childcare, we are both exhausted and stressed all of the time, and usually collapse in bed immediately once we can get our son down. I need to build more intimacy with her, and practice SGM methods, but that will require finding a nanny or something similar first. We are working on that and it will happen soon.

Parenting/household

I am not happy with my efforts here, the house isn't as clean as I'd like, and I've been losing my temper with my toddler son when he damages things around the house. Usually the damage is because I was supposed to be watching him, and tried ignoring him to do something else for a while (often housework). I did take some advice from last time, and started rough housing and tiring him out more, which seems to help a lot for both of us.

Personal/social life

We're in a strict pandemic lockdown still, and I haven't reached out digitally to anyone- my only interaction has been with my family. I need to step up the contact w/ friends and family digitally.

Career/work

I've been continuing to make little progress here, but I've been putting together plans for seriously implementing Cal Newport's deep work system. The first step for me will be to eliminate distractions (e.g. reddit scrolling) and start building a habit of starting deep work for 5 minutes or so several times a day.

Goal accountability from last time

-Emphasize sleep, get to bed early

Result: success

-20 hour fast 3x, or 72 hour fast

Result: success

-practice WISNIFG techniques

Result: success

-start deep work for 5 minutes 3x/day (more specific than last week)

Result: failure

-call one old friend to catch up

Result: failure

Next week goals

Same goals again

OYS24.
Age 50 Married 24 years. Together 26 years. Wife 48 years.
3 male children age 21,21 and 17.
Height 179 cm/ 5ft 10 Weight 74kg Body fat c20%.

Reading.
Read NNMG, MAP, WISING, MMSLP. The Game by Neil Strauss and The Rational Male (the book) by Rollo Tomasi. The Art of Seduction.

Lifting/Exercise.
Moved to total body routine 3 times a week: Push, pull, quads, butt/hamstrings and core.

Mission.
(A) Make money by investing. The good habit of not watching my stocks seems to be sticking.
(B) need more to have a fulfilling mission.
Writing the Blog and seeing where that goes.

Sex/relationship.
Bad week. Ended up pestering my wife for sex. Literally chasing her round.

Reflections.
It has been pointed out that I am a dancing monkey with covert contracts.
One day this week I was pestering my wife for sex highlighted this to me. Told myself it was game but in the end felt and looked like pestering.
Need to think about mission. Need to spend time away from her.
Need to think about my life outside my marriage.

Short term goals.
Been through clothes. Need to sort out bad t shirts that don’t fit or complement me.
Set up initial version of the blog. Starting writing articles. Need to do the work so I understand how the website works and how I edit it.

[removed]

OYS #28 (last was in May)

38yo, married 9 years, multiple kids. 154 pounds, lifting 3-4 days/week (basement gym), 14% BF.

Vision is important; I knew that I wanted freedom from the schedule of a typical job. I knew that I valued my time with my family more than the safety that comes with a big company. So for the last 18 months I've been working on a side hustle, with the hopes that in 5 years I could replace my day job - that was the vision. I expressed that vision to my wife, so she could help me run the ship, and she deferred to my decisions as Captain. I told her that my vision was one of freedom for me and for our family, and that some day it might mean new risks, adventures for us to take on together.

Then I got to work. When COVID hit, I was able to do my day job from home - but my side hustle dried up completely, just before I was set to have my first profitable season. I kept grinding. Then, a government change meant I could help more people - and by April, I had dozens of clients in process. My phone rang constantly and I worked my ass off on nights and weekends, even though there was a chance I'd make nothing. Spoiler Alert: another change meant that I lost every client - and I made nothing, but learned a ton. Instead of complaining, whining, pausing, crying or otherwise lamenting my fate, I doubled down - picking up additional contractor work in a related field, and doubling down in my efforts on the side hustle. I was too busy to do much else. Busier than I've ever been - but never too busy not to lift.

It's funny how grinding makes things start to happen. Small clients trickled in, and the side hustle made a profit. I also finished the contract work I picked up, which then turned into a job offer that I wasn't expecting. I've written before about abundance, and the importance of vision in decisions.

This time, the decision was easy. The new job offer is, first and foremost, in line with my established vision. It offers me freedom to pursue the things I value, to be with my family, work anywhere, and build my side hustle faster. It will also be a lot of work, and my days will be largely self-directed. This is one reason for my OYS, the next month is going to be filled with transitions, and my discipline and self-management need to be on point. Discipline is a personal strength now, but it hasn't always been - and I'm not interested in using my newfound freedom to sleep, masturbate, or play video games.

Relationship: Things have drastically improved at home; partly because of the slow progress my wife has been putting in since last year, but mainly due to us growing together (read: Because of me) in recent months. My wife is deferring to my decisions, doing more to be helpful, and putting effort into improving. I've been praising her exercise and weight loss for 6 months, and I help her do stuff to acieve those goals: and now she's absolutely killing it. Even the kids are noticing how healthy mom looks these days, and I like that my favorite panties are fitting on her again. I've been more overt in my communication at times (calling out her bad attitude) and also finding times where simply a look of approval/dissaproval is all that I need.

I can either keep this momentum as the new norm, or I could let my frame slip and lose all the gains we've made. Full speed ahead.

Reading: nothing. I want to read Power of Now, but I also want to revisit some sidebar stuff. Fuck it, PoN is what I need. I'll start this before my next OYS.

Household: On better track than we have been in a long time. I've knocked out a couple large projects, and I have a few more things to get arranged/organized in the coming weeks.

Social: I've been putting a focus on spending more time with good guy friends. A poster here recently said "You are the average of your 5 closest friends"; if I do that math, are my friends emulating what I want to be? Or are they just old friends that I've defaulted to? I'll keep up socializing, especially with new people and with those who are good for me to be around.

Summer: Launching small humans into the lake, camping and hiking and bonfires and turtles. Leading the wife on fun trips, giving her a role in getting us ready while I work the plan. Taking the kids to get ice cream for no reason at all, and soaking up all the goodness.

[removed]

40, 6'0" 178 married w/ 3 kids

Lifts: Deadlift 6 x 225, Squat 8 x 150, Bench 10 x 60 lb dumbbells this week

Changed to higher rep range this week in a phased plan from the Mind Pump guys (great podcast), I haven't been super blown away by their program, but it is written down and that makes me do it. I decided I wasn't gaining mass enough and have been incorporating more meat, bought turkey lunch meat for snacks, 6 steaks, and 10 chicken breasts, also tuna for on the go snacks. Was hearing that you need 20-23 calories per pound to gain mass. There is no way I've been eating this much that would be 3600+ calories a day. I've been reluctant to calorie track as that is for autistic fatties, but may consider looking at a few days of meals. 3600 is a lot of eating, and I find that if I increase processed food to hit the numbers I just get fat. My concern is getting too high a body fat percentage as opposed to bulking muscle.

STFU

Decided I had mastered STFU and tried to broken record and fog the wife all night during an argument. I played this poorly, but trying to learn from experience here. Time to venture out past STFU maybe 1x per week to try other things. She had been nonstop bitching about current events after zoning out on her phone and I snapped. Imagine BS TV news on full blast in our bathroom every night instead of fucking. After enough drama we had hate sex to make up. However, that was 2 am so that killed my gainzz with some poor sleep. I'll need to find other avenues to create faux drama get what I want and get to sleep on time. Better leadership at bedtime on my behalf would help, turn off the tv and turn off the internet 2 hr before bed.

Social

Joined a running club that meets to run and have a beer afterward. I've always been an elitist ass hat on those things and made excuses for years, but I've been enjoying it more than I thought and will keep going for time being. Not sure what's appropriate during Covid, so that sucks. On another point I've been mentally cutting loose of old lower value friends, i.e. the fat dads from drinking days of yore. Tough to do, but got sick of their laziness.

Alright Back to work

OYS#4: married 4 years, kid 3, 32 years old

Physical:
6'0 185lbs - down from 280lbs when I found MRP. BF at 19% per calipers.
Squat: 185x5 (squat going up despite deadlift plateauing)
Bench: 205 1RM (hit this the other day as a new 1RM)
Deadlift: 235x5
OHP: 135 1RM, trying to transition into being able to do this in a clean and press. I'm trying to better get the idea of the triple extension and the high pull.

Diet: I've really been able to take my diet to the next level thanks to a mix of remembering whats worked for me (IF) and listening to nutritional experts like Greg Doucette. After plateauing at 195 for the longest time I'm now down to 185. I've really benefited from adding different types of protein to my diet as opposed to eating the same bland ass chicken breast, protein powder and greek yogurt. I'm eating a lot more turkey breast, 97% lean ground beef and fish.

I have a ton of extra skin on my belly that I'd like to get removed one day. Until then it's a physical reminder of my old bp self and the belief that if I go to church every Sunday that my marriage would be fine regardless of whether I ate myself fat and stopped trying to advance my career.

Reading: I finally finished WISNIFG, since then I have also been flirting with a few side plates I met on shitty dating apps (covid lock down keeping me from bars) mostly over text and video chat. Some of them have already started to shit test me and it creates a whole new opportunity of re-using the knowledge I learned here. It's almost like starting the MRP process over again. Though my mindset has successfully changed and I now STFU by default, it's harder to implement the fogging and self disclosure with each different potential plate.

MAP - Chapter 12 - the Vampire and the decisions matrix. This is where I am at right now. Though I am not getting the positive resolution, I think I can get a positive relationship through ending it.

I actually bought The Power of Now over amazon. I'm hoping that I actually finish the book given that I have spent money on it and own the physical copy.

Career: Business is fucking hurting due to covid. Me and the other executives reduced our salaries to 0. SBA loans are keeping our employees paid. We're running at 1/8th (up from 1-2% in last OYS) of our usual capacity and will be bumping it up to 1/2 soon which will get us profiting but not anywhere near where we were before. I don't mind the reduced income given that I'm heading to divorce court soon.

I've been trying to be the oak during covid and I'm not going to let covid leave me with nothing going with my career. I'll be leaving the country soon to teach English at a high school in China for a year. Other owners are okay with the sabbatical, though I suppose it's possible the other owners might screw me over a salaried position when I get back but it's a good practice in being more OI and will serve as an opportunity to impose myself on them when I return. My extended family will (perhaps rightfully) shit on me for abandoning my daughter for a year to move my career across the world. What I'm certain of is that I will grow emotionally by being in another country, even if I lose out on a relationship with my daughter. I'm trying to frame this as me being in control of myself and when I board that plane I will at the very least be in my own frame.

Relationship: After learning to say no and leveling up my "sex rank" per MMSLP I no longer have any interest in fucking my wife. Being that fucking your wife is necessary to a prototypical MRP marriage divorce what's next. I read the nuking of my nuclear family and I am nuking the shit out of it. Almost to the point of abandonment? My wife doesn't seem very intent on sharing any information regarding what she wants to do post divorce thus putting me in a situation where it will be difficult for me to have a relationship with my daughter afterwards and making this pre-divorce phase full of obstacles. I searched and couldn't find any reading related to wife taking full custody of kids after divorce.

OYS 27

Age: 50 Wife 50. Married 19 years. 2 kids 16 and 10. 5'6" 153.

Lifts

Intermediate: 160 bench 240 deadlift 105 OHP

Novice: 175 squat

Was on vacation this week, resort gym was closed so no lifting. I planned ahead for this and scheduled it so that my vacation week would be a deload. Got back to lifting first day back. Between deload and cutting I lost 5-10 pounds on my bench and incline bench. Probably will face the same when I get to squat and deadlift, but I also expect to get it back quickly.

Diet

Switched to cut diet, 1600 calories on non-lift days, 1800 on lift days (TTEE 2200). 50/30/20 protein/carb/fat. Gained a pound and a little belly on vacation. I cannot wait to get off the cut and start another recomp or better yet an actual lean bulk, but I need to get rid of some more fat.

FWIW now that I am no longer a fat slob I found myself disgusted at most of the men and women I saw. The resort was filled with large women and fatass dad bod guys. Five days outdoors at a pool etc and I saw one guy whose belly wasn't larger than his chest. One. No wonder women don't want to fuck their husbands.

I cannot wait until I am no longer in that group; I am most of the way there right now. The resort is a place we go every year and I cannot wait to get back there after another year of lifting and improvement. I will admit the idea of being well built with abs among all these other slobs is an ego booster and motivation, and if some of these moms want to look, leading to dread, well, bring it on.

Of course my wife needed some comfort since she rightfully saw herself in those women but no longer saw me in the fat fucks at the pool. I gave her encouragement and told her I was glad she is actually lifting weights and taking control of her weight. And then STFU.

Relationship and shit

Recently I feel like I am "getting it" and I have increased my reading accordingly, mostly sidebar and the rabbit hole it sends you down.

One thing I haven't done is say "no" in a long time. So one night my wife wanted to play ping pong. I didn't, so I simply said no. Not calculated, not a decision, not "let me see what happens. The "no" just popped out authentically without me thinking about it.

In fact, it even surprised me.

How did she react? She tried to DEER me into it and instead of folding or re-DEERing I just said no again, but invited her to join me in my nightly cigar. She did, for a while, before going to bed and said nothing about me saying "no." No complaint, or (what I expected) expression of disappointment. And never brought it up at all.

More good news; a friend of hers is getting a divorce as her husband cheated on her. I have been waiting for her to bring up my past indiscretions, back when I didn't know how to lead and just wanted to get validation from a woman who wasn't a whale.

So, she went out to dinner with her friend, and told me the sob story. Eventually she admitted she got a pit in her stomach while listening to her friend, since it brought up bad memories.

I simply said "I am glad we got past it." And then changed the subject. No apologies or explanations or evasion or stammering. One sentence and then I moved on.

I know many of the vets here probably would have had some A&A teed up, but anything that wasn't autistic STFU or DEER when challenged on my past actions was a new milestone for me. Before RP I wouldn't have had any idea what to do and probably would have word-vomited myself into DEER while thanking her for a second chance or some other horrific response. Just thinking about that type of response makes me sick.

Also noticeable was a lack of shit tests after both of the above incidents. Not a peep, not a complaint, nothing. I think that's good but am not certain as it could be a buildup to some escalation on her part. Having never been in this situation I don't know what to expect in the short term.

Lastly the wife and I have slept in separate rooms for a long time, years. Last week she came back to the main bedroom and we started sleeping in the same bed again.

Social

None. Gun range, cigars with the guys, the usual. Nothing new, but the takeaway is that I don't ask for permission or even imply that I am seeking approval. Ever. This is the one area I have held frame on over the years; she has tried a few ploys to break this frame, it used to be "why don't you want to spend time with us" or other such nonsense. Without even knowing what shit tests or comfort tests were, I handled them with comfort and just kept on doing what I wanted.

Overall Mission I have 20 years of marriage, 30 years of blue pill adulthood, and ten months of Red Pill, so I am barely at the halfway point.

Old mission: move forward like a shark. New mission: find a destination.

I have been thinking a lot about "the destination." But I have a lot more thinking, lifting and STFUing to do before I know what the destination is.

I know what my ideal landing point is, if I had to write it down today: Exactly where I am now, in control of the rudder, learning how to really steer and with a first mate 50 pounds less than she is right now.

But that's just today. Maybe that's shooting too low.

OYS #4

Stats

Age 32 Ht 5’11” Wt 179 (+2) (Don’t know BF yet), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 6

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Year One, Ironwood Alpha Moves. Currently: Pook

Physicality and Health

Racquetball 2x this week. Walking 3x this week. Still have not started lifting. I was previously happy with my weight loss but am realizing I am using the weight loss and the compliments I am getting from it as a barrier to continuing to do the difficult work. I have to realize that the weight loss was necessary because I let myself get disgustingly out of shape. It was simply a return to baseline. I went from fat to skinny fat. That is it. Now, I need to continue cutting the fat and work on muscle gain. I had ranked myself a 7/10 on Physicality and Health but am downgrading this to a 5/10 this week after some self-reflection.

Career and Money

Generally able to afford everything I want. Only debt is mortgage and two leases. Career is fulfilling and pay is good. 401k on way to being maxed this year. I think I am comfortable and secure enough in this area of my life that I am going to stop including it in my OYS unless something changes or a note-worthy event occurs.

Social

Played racquetball twice this past week with buddy. Work lunch with co-workers. Covid-19 keeping schools closed most likely; but need to look into joining school activities/board/clubs to get out there more if schools do open. Otherwise need to look elsewhere.

Relationship

STFU is feeling more natural to me. Most of the time, my first reaction to any sort of complaint or shit test is to STFU. As this has gotten to feel more natural, I generally am able to have some semblance of Amused Mastery in my budding frame. So if I am not STFUing, I am responding with less DEERing and more jokes/a&a.

Mental

The more I read (especially after engulfing Tomassi’s The Rational Male this past week), the more I am aware of my oneitis, placing the pussy on the pedestal, and the beta relationship behavior that has plagued my life. The more I am aware of it, the angrier I feel with myself, the world, my wife, my upbringing, and everything in between. The angrier I feel, the less time and energy I want to devote to my disinterested wife. The beta in me tells me this lack of time and energy spent on my wife will cause her to be even more disinterested and will lead to divorce. I need to remind myself that being a helpless beta faggot already nearly got me divorced. The only way to salvage my life, give myself purpose and be happy is to become the man I need to be. If that leads to divorce, so be it.

With that said, I am consciously and purposely presenting a happy, confident, stoic, unwavering frame as often as possible. No complaints, no sadness, no wanted to talk about my feelings on our relationship like I did every single damn day before MRP. Every day my little oak sprout is growing. With every week, I want its roots to grow deeper and its trunk to grow thicker. I want to be able to count the rings inside. It is nothing more than a seedling for now.

Sex

I took the advice of those telling me that HJs are beta and wife was using them to keep her betabux satiated in the easiest way possible. I initiated and wife offered HJ. I said no, how about a BJ. Was told she just spent a lot of time putting on make up and that won’t happen. I said: “Well then let’s fuck, you ride me.” And she did. First time in literally 6 months. So that’s a win. Had sex twice this week, both times with me initiating and without much enthusiasm from wife.

Thoughts

I did not find Ironwood’s Collection of Alpha Moves to be a helpful read. It felt like an attempt to rationalize the author’s various choices, style preferences and life decisions as being Alpha, instead of providing significant or thought-provoking advice. Basically: “fedoras are alpha because I wear them; cooking is alpha because I am the cook in the household” and so on and so forth. Perhaps I did not get what I needed out of this book, or maybe I read it at the wrong time in my journey.

MAP

I finishing reading Mindful Action Plan and creating a spreadsheet-style document with every red, yellow and green item in the book categorized by the 6 major areas Athol writes about. For every colored item, I gave myself a value of 0 to 10. This was supremely helpful in creating a game plan for me in the various areas, and also allowed me to reflect on where I stand in each.

I think I will focus the next week on personalizing my MAP. A large part of this is removing the parts of the MAP that I do not necessarily think are important or are broken down into sections in a way that is not relevant or logical to me. This will hopefully cut down the currently over 75 sections significantly and focus them in a way that makes sense to me.

The last part of the MAP, High-Energy Sex will only come if I am a high-value man that my sexual partner is attracted to and wants to sleep with. It will come either with my wife or with someone else after divorce. And only after I have put in this important work.

OYS #1

Stats

Age 33 Ht 5’11” Wt 175, BF = 15%, Wife 38 Kids 3 under 7

1RM Estimates: BP = 225lb, OHP = 130, DL = 240lb, SQ = 210lb (likely has dropped a bit in the last 2 months since I haven't had high enough weights available to test myself much)

Reading

Finished: NMMNG x2, WISNIFG, Rational Male x2, The Way of the Superior Man

Currently: 48 Laws of Power

Physical and Health

Running 3 miles 4x per week to help cut down the body fat. Lifting light with a home gym setup to maintain some strength through the gym closures. Looking forward to when gyms open back up and I can get into a better routine. Looking to really bulk some muscle this fall.

I wasn't sure which category to put this in since it affects all of them, so I will just put it in with health for now; drinking. I have been a heavy drinking for the past 16 years. Typically about once per week I over indulge and knock myself out of commission for a day or two. Even with this massive self inflicted handicap I've been able to do relatively well for myself but I am starting to realize I'm only operating at 75% at best. What a waste. My wife is also stating that it is the reason she has been growing more distant and even if that's not the truth I need to stop doing this long enough to find out.

The last time I drank was July 11th, 2020. I will maintain this counter on my OYS as accountability to those that read this, and myself.

Career and Money

No real issues here at this time. Could be better but not my biggest fire at the moment. I have a good, well paying job that I enjoy. I would like to find secondary incomes as time allows but that is not my current priority.

Social

Pretty light here right now. Most of my socializing has revolved around drinking with friends. Recently I have taken up running and fishing to help fill my time with other activities. I am looking to start playing soccer as well but need to find a local league once Covid restrictions are lifted.

Relationship

I have been lurking here for about a year and a half and have noticed my relationship getting worse. I am in the anger phase without doing any of the real work on improving myself which I have realized is a combination that results in divorce. There have been a lot of conversations about things falling apart between my wife and I over the last few months which came to a head about 3 weeks ago. I have withdrawn now and am finally starting to STFU. I thought I understood game enough to try and play it with her and I am not there yet. It was a sad realization but now I understand why STFU is pushed. I will STFU and not engage with any of the shit tests or negativity. I need to figure out how to do this without coming off as a butt-hurt little bitch but shutting up is better than what I was doing in the past.

Mental

I have really been in my own head about the idea of breaking up with my wife. This is why I have decided to start posting on OYS. I realize I have way too little focus on myself and I need to get my plans and goals down on paper to work out what I want from my life. I have been living for my wife and kids which is boring and unfulfilling. I believe this is part of why I still drink the way I do. I really do love my kids but they need a leader, not a beta caretaker.

Sex

It's been pretty bad since kids started. Of course I communicated my dis-satisfaction several times over the past couple of years which hasn't helped anything. No surprises to anyone here. I'm at about 4-5 times per month with me initiating 95% of the time. When we do have sex it doesn't last long and it seems like she just wants to get it out of the way most of the time. The odd time she is into it but those are few and far between. I have stopped initiation for now (last couple weeks) and plan to continue this until I can get STFU and drinking under control. I feel like the more I initiate the more I put her off right now.

MAP

I really need to work on setting this up and would appreciate any help on a good starting point. #1 item which will pay massive dividends is to simply stop drinking. That is my main focus right now as it's not as easy as I had thought it would be. Or I'm just an incredibly weak, short sighted person right now and it actually isn't that hard. That's a possibility I may have to come to terms with.

OYS #15

38y, 5'6'', 196lbs, 17% BF (calipers)

Married 8y, Together 12y. 18y stepson, 6y son

OYS #14

Sidebar

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, Pook, TWOTSM, SGM, The Natural, The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Day Bang (50%), Sidebar posts

Reading:

NMMNG 2nd time. Currently on Activity 39.

How To Answer "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

The Rational Male

Mindset

Every now and then I get reminded of the lesson to STFU. So last week, wife was complaining about feeling bloated and tired and in response I asked her how late she stayed up the night before in an annoyed manner. She's angry at me for the comment and I brush it off not thinking much of it afterwards. My dumbbass is thinking, Ok, these are just emotions she'll get over it and move on. She avoids me for the rest of the day and then again the next day. I'm thinking my actions must've upset her enough to avoid me for a couple days, and in retrospect I should've kept my mouth shut or showed some empathy/comfort. Perhaps that's what she was fishing for was comfort and I failed. So I own up to my mistake and apologize. So this was me not following the advice of STFU and paying for it. I know I'm going to fuck up on things along the way, but the best lessons are gained through failure.

We had a great weekend together. Lots of playful banter, bonding and great sex. Spent some time with friends and family. I'm doing much better with leading and I'm noticing her deferring to me for decisions on a lot of things. I've got a long way to go, and I will make mistakes along the way, but it's so much better where I am now than before discovering MRP and even before starting OYS.

6th OYS

Stats: 42, Married 11 years, together 16. 2 kids under 10.

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Subtle Art, Unfuck Yourself, SGM, Models.

Physical: 5’9”, 161 lbs. Waist down another 1⁄2” to 31”, neck at 14”. Body fat I can now confidently say is sub-15%. I grew a spare tire as a teenager and have ranged between 175-190 all of my adult life, so I’ll take a moment to say I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished here. That said, I will not take my foot off the gas.

Lifts: Bigger Leaner Stronger PPL Deadlift: 255x5, Squat 235x5, Bench 155x5. Went 6 for 6 last week on planned workouts, still slowly moving up the weight.

Nutrition: Maintaining the 500 cal deficit, targeting 35/35/30 protein/carb/fat. Had a cheat day on Friday night with pizza and a couple drinks with friends at the beach, but otherwise was on target. 4 alcoholic beverages total for the week. I have 2 weeks left on the cut until a diet break to coincide with vacation.

Relationship: Smooth sailing here. Lots of sexual banter, drive by ass squeezes, and gropes going both ways. There is a bit of a disconnect between the daytime flirting and nighttime action, mostly due to logistics and end-of-day fatigue (this for me as much as her. I’m an early riser and am crashing by 10 pm). It’s not impossible to pull her away to fuck in the middle of the day, but opportunities are limited as it seems our kids are always around, and now staying up later as they get older. I’ll keep doing what I can, and I expect as the kids get older still they’ll spend more time out of the house on their own. Besides logistics, I have my Nice Guy and Bedroom Technician tendencies to chip away at - I need to stay out of my own head, and push on both the D and the V.

Leadership and Social: This week I coached kids sports, played some of my own, got shit done around the house, and met up with a good friend I haven’t seen in a while. There are two plumbing fix it jobs I’ve neglected that have escalated to her nagging me about. I never use that bathroom so it keeps slipping my mind - will complete this week. We’ve got a ton on the calendar between now and Labour Day - it’ll be busy, but fun.

Career: I set a goal to map out a career plan for next 15-20 years last week. I thought about it a lot, but didn’t formalize anything you could call a Map. I did get applications out for a half dozen jobs. Applying cold to posted roles is a fool’s errand, I know - good luck standing out among the 200 other people that can apply with one click on LinkedIn. I’ve got a busy two weeks before holidays with a number of things to close out so I can actually check out for a week, unlike my last stretch of time off where I was on calls every day dealing with stuff.

Bigger picture, I need to make some decisions. Rich Cooper’s saying, “are you playing to win, or playing not to lose” resonates in my head. Virtually every choice I’ve made in my life has been playing not to lose. My gut tells me it’s time to take some risks. We’re in a good spot financially, the wife is an educated professional pulling six figures - as am I - and we live below our means. So I enjoy the luxury of having options. The world has been flipped upside down, and in reevaluating how we do pretty much everything, I feel like this is the time to make a change that will see me through the back half of my career, on my terms.

OYS 12 - First post - old account was u/PaperAlpha

35 yo, 6'2, 210lbs, 20% bodyfat ( u/sbiii method), Married 8 years, together 13, 2 kids under 3

​

Lifts: re-running 3x5 novice progression Current lifts SQ - 3x5 270, PR - 3x5 110, BP - 3x5 195, DL - 1x5 320

​

STFU - Still an issue. Hitting the anger phase.

Mission - My mission is to become the type of man that has a real mission - This means gaining discipline in my life.

Why am I here? To grow up and take responsibility. To learn to be attractive and not be unattractive. Still fits. Still fits. Still fits.

Reading - NMMNG x2 (currently reading x3 and working exercises) Current - finished NMMNG - still finishing last breaking free exercises. Sexual shame is real for me, so this is heavy lifting part.

Going to go through WISNIFG videos and read with u/rstonept

Pook, MMSLP in progress as well, focusing on NMMNG, Picked up PMOHackbook based on a thread in TRP from last week. Finishing No Bad Kids in queue. Fuccfiles on my kindle.

Read - WISNIFG, WOTSM, NMMNG, Sidebar, a million OYS

Lifting - lifting 3x weekly - increasing each session. Still consistent.

Nutrition - I have looked really good naked for about 8 months of my life when I was 18 and 19 (when I first met my wife before I became a BP faggot again). Goal is to look better than that. I can and I will. Nutrition is where it starts.

I have been batting around this idea of hiring a coach - coaches are great, but I really just need a meal plan and some preparation. Going to do this with my grill, instapot, etc and put together meals for lunch and dinner. Also going to IF.

Concerned this may impact my lift gainzzz but I already have enough muscle to look really good naked. Just too much fat.

Career - Still bogged down - busiest time of the year this week. I plan to come back next week with more dedication to MRP, but this week is particularly busy with work and family (below).

Family - Sort of a shit show this week all leading up to this evening. Toddler is having lots of troubles with new baby. Lots of regressions of behavior, sleep, etc. leading into relationship -

Relationship - It was pointed out to me by a MRP vet that I should be in my anger phase. I didn't think I wanted to have an anger phase. Nice boys don't do that - I thought I could make it through, skip anger, skip rambo and just hit enlightenment where I wake up one morning with my dick in my wife's ass.

Turns out there is a good reason to be angry. I have turned myself into a plow horse bitch dancing monkey faggot who has a wife at home with a nanny that isn't reciprocating value. It's a shitty deal, and it is my fault.

Someone had to fucking tell me that I should be angry. Pathetic.

I am going to stop giving my wife value when none is given in return. I am going to lift and go to work and play with my kids, but I am not going to drive home from work when she calls me because she is stressed out by the kids. Fuck that.

I keep saying, oh she's pregnant, oh it's the new baby, oh it's xyz, but the bottom line is she thinks I am her cash cow man servant problem solver. I thought that is what I needed to be, but it isn't.

The suggestion was stay plan is the go plan. To speak with a divorce attorney and look at what divorce would actually look like. What am I afraid of?

Myself/Spiritual

Was in a back and forth with u/sbiii over body fat %. I have zero fucking frame. It was a good exercise for me - I realized (and it was pointed out to me) how much validation I look for from MRP, wife, everyone. First of all he is right - my bf% is higher than 15%.

But it is more interesting how much that bothered me - then I saw an exchange where two guys really weren't in agreement. The feedback didn't hit the mark and the OP was able to hold frame and move on.

Of course SBIII did hit the mark - I need to lose some fat if I want to look good.

Social - good - good mens group this weekend. Connected with my mom and toddler over the weekend also.

​

Commitments -

Lift - stay on task - done

Nutrition - overhaul diet this weekend. Meal prep.

Family - 2/3rds rule as I was told. Don't offer value where none is reciprocated.

Myself - 15 minutes of work daily. Done and renewed.

Porn - ready to stop - cut that shit out and push the anger into lift/diet.

OYS 4

Bio: 41 198lb wife 10y (w3) NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG

Goals:

resistance + cardio 6/7 days -> failed

<2k cals per day passed -> failed

No shouting at kids 7 days -> passed

Flirt with wife 3 days -> passed

Morning Mantra -> Reset + STFU post

Reading: finish Rollo -> passed

Physical

Had a major setback and discovered (via doctor) that i have a long term health condition, which had started as a few issues. This caused me to stop exercising, take stock, seek proffesional help and reset my routine.

In combination stopping exercising, and feeling down about the health condition has meant my positivity and energy levels have decreased. There's work to be done in coming to terms with it and building back up

Kids

Up and down due to the pandemic, but it's great to spend time with them and help them grow and handle the pressures of life. Teaching the older one that teasing his brother for his friends amusement is a short term gain was incredibly satisfying

Reading

Re-reading WISNIFG based on some advice from two weeks ago - it's so insightful, every page is practical and powerful. Focusing on the basics this week: fogging, negative assertion and broken record. Need to build up to negative inquiry - scared of this for some reason (ego!)

Wife

Lots of great advice two weeks ago (last OYS) on STFU. Really implemented it rather than paying it lip service and noticed a bundle of things

- her moods go up and down with barely any input from me

- there is a constant need to find a local reason for her moods that aligns with her goals

- she fights for things she doesn't want: e.g. control

- there is no consistency in her demands

I hadn't appreciated really how much things had moved on in the month since doing this, I regressed after finding out about my health condition: mopping, less active in the house, less positive and she reverted straight back to her old bitchy, controlling behaviour. Still no where near where it's a relationship I'd want to spend a chunk of my life in: lots of work to do, but there has been progress (although a bumpy ride)

Dear Diary -

Based off my level of recent faggotry and asshole burn from this forum, I have decided to look inward.

After multiple text conversations with /u/HornsOfApathy I have come to realize my current flaw.

Due to a high level of abundance, and a nuclear level of DNGAF I have become full on Rambo in all areas of my life. I have allowed my Machiavellian skills to become weak and dull.

Therefore, my focus over the coming weeks and months to become an improved version of myself who uses not only brute fucking force to get what I want in life, but a greater degree of manipulation as well.

And Aloe Vera on my asshole to soothe.

Bernie sphincter out.

OYS #3

Age 38 | Height 5'11 | Weight 195 lbs | GF 32 | Together 5 Years

Children:

• Age 7 (hers)

• Age 4 (ours)

• Age 1 (ours)

Physical

Current two rep maxes that I've achieved in the last week - I don't have a spotter at home so I don't attempt 1RM:

• Bench - 215 lbs
• Squat - 272.5 lbs
• OHP - 147.5 lbs
• Deadlift - 350 lbs (with straps)
• Bodyweight chins - 10 reps after deadlifts

Took a prescriptive deload week, even though I didn't feel like I needed one yet, which I think is the point. I did 3x5 at 60% training max, then GTFO. I sharply cut calories and ran quite a lot to take advantage of the fat loss opportunity. Lost a few lbs and I feel rested and ready to crush week 6 of nSuns.

Reading

Core: NNMNG (x3), WISNIFG (x2), The Rational Male, TWOTSM, the sidebar and all posts (x100)

Other: Sam Harris - Waking Up, Anthony Bourdain - Kitchen Confidential, Jocko - Extreme Ownership, Jim Wendler - 531 and Beyond 531 (new)

Work

My team in general is doing pretty great. I have a few A players, a few C players, and two lazy/unfocused D players. I'm having a difficult time putting foot to ass with the D players. I'm the technical team lead on the project, not their true superior, so we work very closely. I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to get these guys from getting their shit done and dragging the rest of the team down. They are making me look bad since I'm responsible for the project's progress as a whole, and I'm relatively new to the company and don't quite have the knowledge to complete their tasks myself by way of example.

I am taking personal responsibility for their shortcomings in any conversations publicly. This sucks to do but leaders who are better than I am (e.g. Jocko) prescribe it. Mentally it feels like the right thing to do, but it sucks being associated with the D teams' failures. I'm in IT, so the successes are invisible by design. Shit just works.

STFU

I've decided to over correct on STFU and appear autist at times, then hopefully backtrack to find the correct balance. I'm still working on getting my anger/butthurt response in check, so while I untangle this my only option is to STFU. I'm not yet the oak for even my own self, so being the oak externally is a ways out. I am but a tiny acorn of butthurtness.

Sex

She's been initiating much more this past week. I think my aloofness has something to do with this, or possibly I'm more attractive due to small successes STFU'ing. Sex hasn't really been a problem with us though, she never turns me down, and it's not really a reason I'm here. But it's something of a metric for my own attractiveness.

Strategies

I'm making slow but sure progress decoupling my validation seeking from doing tasks that need to be done. I'm a pretty motivated guy in general, and the reason I do things is because they need to get done, and this is my turf. But part of me expects that others are grateful and appreciate that I do these things. It has bothered me that she is completely blind to these tasks, probably doesn't even know that they are things needing doing, and assumes I'm fucking around in the yard/garage/basement/attic while she does the REAL work of being a stay at home mom. She's just blind to it, and there's nothing I can do, and it's stupid to try or care. So I get that now, progress going forward is truly decoupling my conditioning and emotions from this cold, hard fact.

This has obviously been a covert contract, even though I only expected acknowledgement and nothing else. There's no point in being overt either, that's just dancing monkey bullshit. So I just need to truly decouple. I haven't gotten far enough in my reading to something that really addresses this internal decoupling, or else I didn't comprehend it in, say, NMMNG or WISNIFG. Perhaps just recognizing what's going on and shedding light into this area will be enough to pry away at it.

OYS 11

Stats: 21 y-o – 5’9 – 171lbs – 20% BF – single.

Readings: MRP sidebar, TRM, NMMNG, BOP, MAP, Models. Currently reading Self-Esteem by McKay and Fanning.

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Physical

SQ 225 - DL 255 - BP 185 - Pull ups 12 reps x3

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Mental

It’s been roughly a month since my last OYS. Didn’t post because progress was incremental.

The book I am currently reading (Self-Esteem) was recommended to me by my pseudo-NMMNG session’s leader; it has a LOT of good content and was an integral book that got him out of certain unhealthy behavioral patterns. The book dives into the human ego, which the authors label the “Internal critic” and talks about how destructive it can be to our self-esteem on the long run. It also provides step-by-step exercises (similar to NMMNG) to dissociate oneself from the ego, ensuring one to become more present of their experiences and finding more pleasure in them.

Here is one of my recorded exercises during the morning, which required a lot of mindfulness:

1. At the gym counter, while talking with X, I feel like I was subconsciously behaving myself in a “cool” way.
2. While on the paddling machine, I shifted from high intensity workout into proper technique whenever an authority figure showed up for fear of being judged.
3. While paddling, I first aimed for 2,150, then to 2,100, then simply to 2,100 out of some self-induced fear of failure to achieve my goal.
4. On my way back home, I avoided eye contact with a girl who seemed cute from afar for fear of a possible engagement.
5. Going back to YouTube to see if Y reacted to my comment for fear of being rejected by his approval.
6. Thinking about how Z did not reply to my message to catch up and resenting him because I feel like I have been rejected and have thus got a hit to my ego.
7. Re-thought about the possibility of escalating the interaction with a girl I recently met (more later) and how the intimacy would stroke me with a good dose of female validation.

I plan to do another introspective exercise of the sort, but this time taking all day.

Otherwise, my interactions have overall been much better. In social situations, I’m being more and more aware when I shift from my own frame to another person’s for fear of missing their approval. Whenever that happens, I’m usually more focused on the person’s body language and cues than on the content of their words, and with the help of some mindfulness techniques learned through meditation, shift the attention back to the conversation at hand.

The incremental progress has put me in a positive feedback loop, and I fully intend to ride this momentum by continuing reading the books, doing the recommended exercises, attending group sessions, and participating in more social events to let these new perspectives replace my older ones.

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Social

I wanted to represent my university for international case competitions but didn’t manage to pass the final interview of the process. This was my plan A to expand my social circle, which unfortunately didn’t work. I’m currently in the process of opening a new club with some like-minded peers, which is my plan B. But I will spend some extra time devising other plans/ways that will help me meet new interesting people.

Though I did get promoted to co-president alongside a good friend of mine to manage a sports club within my university. We’ve already drafted some outlines for the upcoming season’s competitions, but until there is an official confirmation that there will actually be a season, we’re doing just enough work.

Finally, I’ve recently met a girl through a mutual friend, and we’ve hit it off pretty well. Invited her on a date after our second outing with friends. Right before the date, I was striding nervously at home because I had high expectations of myself, plus I hadn’t been on a date since December 2019. I took seat, reframed the situation and came to the following conclusion:

That I were to be honest at all times, whether or not it hurt my chances to seem HVM to her. Also, the outcome of the date would have no hindrance on my self-worth: I am currently on a path of self-betterment, and whether or not she were to like me or not, it didn’t matter. I am learning to love myself, and letting some girl have a say in that would be just plain dumb.

The date went well: we talked a lot and I managed to k-close. There is some emotional baggage which she hasn’t been too open about yet, and I’m willing to be patient about it. I still very much have a scarcity mindset with women, so I’m aware that I may be walking into a beta trap. But I will be letting her know that her presence has no bearing on the possibility of meeting other women.

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Health

Been eating like shit recently, lots of processed foods. Will start cooking more from home and bringing my meals instead of eating at fast food joints. This is also a time allocation issue, and since my days have been relatively unstructured, I will add some order to them.

I’ve restarted lifting at the gym. My lifts are back where they were pre-lockdown, so fully plan to ride this momentum too!

OYS 31

30y, height: 186cm, waist: 84cm, neck: 38cm, 84.2kg, navy: 14%. wife 26 married 1 year, together 5 years. 0 kids.

Background

I was conditioned to believe that all I would want from life is to find a wife and have a family. Everything I had done before RP was to find someone to love me and to prove myself to others. Since I have found RP, no longer believe that having children is my priority and that I had wanted them for the wrong reasons. I am currently grinding within a marriage to reach an abundance and outcome independence mindset. I want to live a life of financial, physical and mental freedom and I expect to eventually need to kill the puppy.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

Currently reading: The Power of Now

Physical

Continuing to go well with the cut via intermittent fasting. 5 times again this week. Actually had a midweek adjustment as I was dropping a bit faster than I wanted. Down 1.4kg in the last 2 weeks. Sleep schedule is still fucked and although I am getting into bed earlier, struggling to fall asleep. Just need to be more discipline about shutting down my mind and being less active towards the late night. Ended up masturbating twice more than my once a week but somewhat attribute that to using the bathmate. Still waiting for results from my blood test 2 weeks ago.

Finance/Career

Slowly chipping away at minor financial tasks that I had previously always struggled with as they seemed too daunting. Did my questionnaire for UK tax, and got that on track. Wired out the money from the brokerage account and I’ll just need to convert it. Doing some final research and plan to start investing this weekend after talking to my friend who comes from a financial background. Due to the fact I won’t be planning to keep the money in the fund for an extended period of time as I will withdraw it when I return to Australia. Considering the short time horizon and current situation (with coronavirus and organised riots with the upcoming US election), likely to invest in something less risky and mostly bonds.

Mental

Pretty uneventful week. I missed 2 days of six pillars sentence completion exercises so decided to just skip it for last week. Was way too busy although I’m not exactly digging myself out of the hole at work as more stuff comes in. I’ll just need to make time this week as I repeat week 3 of the sentence completion exercises.

Initiated with the wife on Thursday to a soft no and on Friday to a hard no just before the start of shark week. I wasn’t sure if I pushed hard enough on Thursday but on reflection, I think it would be more butthurt to keep pushing against a soft no which was still playful and fun. I don’t think I need to push it to the state where my wife believes she needs to use an annoyed voice to reject me.

Ended up spending quite a bit of time reading Bogeyd6’s history. A lot of good FRs and good conversations in the comments from 4-5 years ago. No way that I expect most MRP trajectories to go like that, but I did use it to reflect upon my own journey. I think I’ve used the mindset of not going rambo as an easy excuse to be half assing a lot of my MRP efforts. I know I’m meant to game and kino my wife but all of that was towards the mindset of leading to sex. That’s what RP is, but in general I should be practicing frame control. By not trying, I effectively live in fear.

Just being playful for the sake of it being what I enjoy rather than just thinking about it from an escalation to sex perspective. When I think the sex window has closed, I will stop gaming/kinoing for that day. I need to stop that mindset as this window of when sex is convenient is entirely in her frame. I set a goal to go in for kino/deep kiss/general playfulness every day even when it might not be convenient to my wife to have sex. I had started doing this already on workdays and got a comment from her a few weeks ago “it’s not the weekend!” Need to expand that to include gaming her in shark week and after her shower where nothing is “meant” to happen.

OYS #27

Married: 3 years. 3 kids Height: 6', Weight: 215 - Target: 183lbs or 10~15% BF

-As of 6/02/2020- SQUAT: 285lbs x 1 - Target: 350+ x 5~ or 420 x 1 BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 265+ x 8~ or 315 x 3 or 330 x 1 DEADLIFT: 375lbs x 1 – Target: 500+ x 1

Reading: The Power of Now, TWOTSM

Health:

Mentally, I feel better. I’ve been able to focus and slowly start turning my mental state around. PoN has helped quite a lot with focusing on the now.

Physically, my diet has been shit of late. I’ve slacked on recording those calories, and watching what I eat. Yeah a bad few weeks, I’ll give myself a pass for the first 2-3, but no excuses for this week and from now on. I’ll be back in the gym from Thursday (self-quarantined from int’l travel for 2 weeks).

Mission and Career:
I set goals, but don’t review them as much as I should, and this is something I’m working on. My goal board (in my office) has goals for the week, but not long-term goals. To be honest, I like erasing my weekly goal board, which is why I may need a separate board for long-term goals. My journal may be a good place, but I don’t always record my thoughts daily, usually, when something noteworthy happens. I just need to fork out the cash for a second board…

Career-wise, I’ve doubled down on getting my career needs met. I’ve revised my resume and put some skills I wasn’t quite confident I had. I applied to a bunch of positions I want to actually get in, rather than those I’m qualified for. I finally decided I’m done living in fear and waiting patiently for my turn, and this was one area where I was failing to challenge and push myself.

Studying my balls off. I got tons of courses, books, and resources where I started and never finished. Going back through and focusing on them, one at a time. It’s tiring, but I’m enjoying it this time around.

This week: Personal:

I thought quite a lot of being present in the now. The now is all I ever had and will have. I reason about things very differently, when I actually think instead of just listening to whatever pops into my head.

I am beginning to see my current situation from a more realistic perspective. I realize that I gave certain areas of my life unnecessary attention/energy. A lot of shit just works itself out, if I let it.

One thing that’s hard to let go of is future projecting. I still daydream too often about the future, about how badass my new [fill in the blank] will be when I get it. I must focus on the work, in the present moment. Set goals, and do the work. Let my current progress be the indicator of how close I am to my achieving my goals, instead of getting stuck in my head where very little work takes place.

Family:
I understand that must internalize the fact that my wife, nor my kids, owe me nothing. A lot of what I’ve been telling myself is that I must lead and open from a place of love. When I speak, I should speak from a place of understanding and empathy for the listener. When I listen, I should ask myself ‘what is the person speaking trying to accomplish?’ I’m now actively learning to read through the bullshit and ‘feel’ the intention of my wife’s words. This is cool, but how can I serve her needs without the beta-butt-hurt side of me resurfacing? I’ve just ignored or tried to understand where those thoughts come from when the resurface. I’m still working on managing my blue pill mindset.

Even worse, I’ll sometimes do too much STFU, when I sense my woman needs me. I run away by saying I have work to do, not listening and just replying ‘uh huh,’ or just dismiss her concerns.

So this is one area I can implement the things I’ve learn from PoN/TWOTSM.

I’m re-learning STFU, albeit for very different reasons.

OYS #7

6'2, 200 lbs. BF \~ 14%, 30 y/o, LTR of 3+ years.

Lifts - Demonstrated or Estimated 1 RM from 5 rep:

BP: 225

OHP: 160

SQ: 354

DL: 365

Run 10k>40min

Reading: Sidebar completed, re-reading for internalization. All reads are on hold while I read Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett - absolute must read for injury prevention, mobility improvement, mechanics related to any athletic activity and/or navigating be a desk jockey. If you don't want to be a fragile old fuck into your last 10 years of your life, you should be reading a book like this one. Especially those of you who are juicing.

Physical:

Grind is on. Abs are showing up, but I wonder about my test levels sometimes. Stomach clings to fat. Diet has tightened up. Resuming team sports is going to be a fucking god send. Went paintballing this weekend, great hobby that I might take up - it combines a lot of desirable elements you'd want from a hobby. Cardio is rarely enjoyable unless you have some objective involved. Lighting up buddies with welts is always a worthy objective.

Social

Continuing to see improvements here. IOIs from women, quality friendships among many circles... just, fuck. Last week I posted some self-deprecating shit. On reflection, I see that I'm measuring myself as a person based on how my SO's hamster sees me, which is such a stupid idea. Holy fuck. The complex that mindset has caused me is visible now. Never again. I'll have some damage to undo, but I have internalized this, finally.

Relationship

I said that the tests would come last week, and they have. Passing most of them rather easy, as it should be. Except one shit test, where I had to tell her to fuck off. Followed the MMSLP tactic where you play the 'nice' card first. Gave an honest attempt to extract the anxiety out of her, give her the space she needed to get the feelz out. It was coming out well until the feelz came my way.

Facts or rational thinking don't matter in these situations. Only feelings do. It's tough to keep in mind that there are medical issues at work here - PMDD rooted in cPTSD and some other hormonal shit that was well hidden from me at the outset of our relationship - that it is no longer hidden is a pretty clear indicator of the diminishing of respect for me. She wouldn't come off her 'mean' card (which was 95% irrational), so I told her to fuck off, literally. After some alone time with her hamster, she came around and acknowledged the shitty behavior, as she usually does and was kind and receptive after. I'm learning to deal with the intensity of her moods, but I'm getting real tired of passing these shitty comfort tests for 1 week out of every 3 4-5. It shouldn't be this hard.

I think it's time to up the Dread. Might be time to find a plate.

Mental

Coasting for a bit longer, cutting out all unnecessary comforts in August. At first I was resisting being in a lower gear, but I realize now I needed it. Enjoying some down time while I can. Worked my ass off for a decent stretch of time.

OYS 2

45(M) married to 40(SAHM) for 22 years. 4 kids age driving to baby.

Weight: 247 pounds, Height: 72 inches, Bodyfat: (27% Navy, 28% Strongur)

Lifting 6 days (6/6):

Dead Lift-305lbx5, Squat-245lbx5, Bench Press-240lbx5, Overhead Press-155lbx5

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Sidebar Reading: NNMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Pook, Poon, MAP, Models, TWOSM, BPP Guide

Other Reading: Becoming a Supple Leopard (in progress)

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Emergency Omega Life Support Plan: B+

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Fitness:

Lost 8lbs and 2 inches from waist (45" to 43"). Upped weights on every lift. Added 20 lbs on squat, but could barely walk after for 3 days. I need to lose 37 more pounds to 210lb and up my weights 30 lbs to get to 18.5% bf and not be fat. This should take between 8 and 16 weeks. After that, it will take me another 8-10 weeks to do some combination of either losing 10lb to 200lb or upping weights 40lbs to get to 15%. Once I hit 15%, I will run a cycle of gear for 15 weeks and try to get my deadlift to 500 going up 10 lbs a week.

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Sexy Times:

I haven't been initiating much. The wife is usually drunk. When she goes off to watch TV, I ignore her. I did get laid once. I wasn't romantic at all. I grabbed her and said "Go in the bedroom and take of all your clothes." My directions were ignored, so I tried it 2 more times over the next half hour and then I took her by the hand into the room. I didn't even take off the clothes. I pulled the panties to the side under the dress and even though I went in without any foreplay or dirty talk, the pussy was soaked. I focused on pounding hard and fast for as long as I could, and then hard kegels and changing positions when I got too close. I managed to go for 25 min, which was enough to make her pass out afterwards. I realize I had something to prove, because I felt like I'd come off way too fast the last the last time. I know that caring about orgasms for women is a beta man trait. I feel great about sex when they come until they pass out , and lousy about it when they scuttle to the shower to finish themselves off. I care way too much about my sexual performance. I'm sure part of it is due to a lack of abundance mentality. Instead of viewing my presence and attention as the gift, I view a crippling orgasm as the gift. I have to make up for being a socially retarded chunker by developing my fucking skills. I will have a very hard time internalizing the notion that "I am the prize." until I actually am the prize.

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No More Mr. Nice:

There is a big part of me that REALLY wants to do all sorts of "thoughtful" and "considerate" things. I WANT to run and get a glass of water when the wife asks. I stop myself because these are repellent activities. But the problem is why the hell do I want to so bad? I realize these "thoughtful" things are not only unattractive, but lead to disrespect and outright contempt. So what's up with that? Deep down I still want to live in the Disney movie where "chivalrous" gestures generate female attraction and desire through the power of romance. I know that it doesn't work that way, I just can't stop wishing that it did. I am slowly increasing alpha behaviors and cues, but it is fake it till I make it. I realize I won't be able to think like an alpha unless I become one. This is going to take me years. Until then, "asshole" is the word I'll look for to keep me on track.

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Being the prize:

As I eradicate Mr. Omega, I've realized that my most pathetic shortcoming is not my morbidly fleshy waistline or inability to Deadlift 500 lbs, but my total lack of a social life. In my omega past where I never met a shit test I didn't epically fail, It became easier to avoid friendships than deal with the petty jealousy that came even with guy friends. Twenty years later, I've built my life and demeanor around avoiding connections with people. Covid 1984 puts a damper on turning over a new leaf that already felt insurmountable. I know that developing friendships will be the most difficult part of my journey, and a precursor to Dread Level 0.

My gym just opened back up yesterday, so that will be my first move. I already built a home gym, but going to the gym will give me a reason to leave the house every day, and a chance to interact with people outside my immediate family, plus there are some crazy old bodybuilders there that know shit. Scratch that, 3 hours after they opened, Governor Palpatine issued a closure edict from his royal throne.

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Omegaman:

I've picked a new omega habit to start eliminating: "Dressing down at home." I dress like shit at home, and since I'll be working from home for a while, this means I dress like shit all the time. I'm going to start building a casual wardrobe for home. Even gopnik track suits would be a step up. I'll report progress.

OYS # 11

34 yo, 6’1”, 170 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 11% B.F (Navy method). Total T: 608. Squat 185x5, Bench 160x5, Deadlift 265x3, OHP 105x4, PClean 135X3

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Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Currently reading 48 LOP (Law 17), Bigger Leaner Stronger (22%).

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Health/Diet

Got in for a visit with a new PCP last week. Followed up with lab work to get my testosterone checked, which came back at 608 for Total T.

Had attempted to find maintenance caloric intake level last week. Tracked my macros everyday and kept to around my caloric goal, but ended up losing weight for the week. Raising my intake 500 calories per day for this week. My fat intake was too high and my carb intake too low for the first half of the week until I adjusted.

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Career / Finances

I had been moved to another team at work a couple of months ago, they swapped me with a senior member who was toxic to the team. Even though each of the other members of the team have more tenure by 4+ years than I do, I recently learned that I have a higher job rank than all of them. This gave me confidence, but it was also a moment of awakening, that I have to step it up further and begin to take the lead in some areas. I have a tendency to baby myself into a new position, it takes me months to feel confident in myself. I just have to trust in myself and my abilities and allow myself to make mistakes sometimes - being hesitant is what holds me back more than anything. I have a number of ideas for how we can improve our systems, and the freedom to begin implementing some of them as well. I’ve brainstormed a few of them with others on the team, however actions speak louder than words.

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Mental

I’m so glad I posted about my sad transactional hand jobs last week. The comments were helpful and pissed me off to no end. Pissed at myself. I was finally able to see more clearly the beta fuck I’ve been my entire life. Anger phase? Not sure. I wasn’t pissed off at my wife, my teachers, society, etc. Mostly at myself. I know I’ve read the Beginner's Guide For the Career Beta post 2-3 times in the past, and never found myself identifying with it much. I read that shit again this past week and was finally able to see that it hit me on so many points. I’m going to start re-reading some of the sidebar - if I was able to read that post and finally see myself reflected back, I know there’s a lot more that I will gain the second time. In some ways this was my initial design... often I read something once, then come back when I’ve got a higher-level view of the content and try to take it in more. I still feel aimless. My dancing monkey attraction program hasn’t gotten me very far. Maybe if I actually apply what I read in the sidebar I can improve myself.

I’ve also been doing a lot of stuff besides STFU lately, so I reset on that this past week. I know at some point I had tried to make my interactions more fun with my wife - just have fun and tease her. Over time this morphed into everything but STFU. I’m not sure where the balance is, so I guess I’ll just default to STFU until I can figure that out.

OYS #4

SUMMARY I fucked up. I’m working on myself. Typical beta. Nice Guy traits led to “not so nice guy” rationalization to have a two year long affair for external validation which was eventually discovered in 9/19. Upon discovery, I decided to stay with my wife.

STATS

35yo, 6’3, 204lbs, 15%bf, BP: 230 5x5, OHP: 135 5x5, Back Squat: 235 5x5 DL: 315 2x5

Relationship:

Wife is 38, married 5 years, we have one three year old kid.

Reading:

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MAP, POOK, TRM. Currently reading The Science of Trust.

PHYSICAL

I’m in good shape. I don’t need to talk about this. Nothing to see here.

MARRIAGE/SEX

I missed a few key factors I needed to consider in my relationship. I’m dealing with a depressive and anxious wife because of my affair. She’s dealing with the emotional damage, the possibility that I’ll do it again, or that I might just leave this time. That oversight is why I’ve been struggling with providing the feelz and failing the communication part of my marriage. Historically, I’ve fixated on passing shit tests but ignored passing “shitty comfort tests” by defaulting to “upping the alpha” traits which leads to negative events. Comfort tests are irritating to me. Instead of petting the puppy when it comes for attention, I have been pushing it away and causing it to turn against me.

It appears I’m interpreting bids for connection as a covert signal that I am neglectful when I don’t feel that I am, causing me to “D”eer by feeling defensive within myself. Although I don’t express defensiveness verbally, I feel it emotionally, and probably shows physiologically. I needed to fix that.

My course of action was not to drop alpha traits. Instead, I owned my shit harder and I raised my alpha behaviors even higher to cushion the beta behaviors I intended to introduce while I put more emphasis on giving ample amounts of comfort. Since this recalibration, I’ve heard positive feedback, but I ignore what I hear and pay close attention to my observations of her displayed behavior.

I saw a significant amount of submissiveness in terms of service to me, our household structure, and our sexual dynamic. She referred to me as “My King”. I woke up to coffee catered to my bed on multiple mornings. Decisions are being ran through me for my approval and sex is there when/if I want it.

Owning my shit harder and raising alpha traits removed most ways she validated herself to me. Her only options in receiving my validation is to behave well, look good for me, and pass the compliance tests I periodically put her through to reinforce submission and give me a chance to compliment and reward her. Otherwise, she would have no contribution or way to compliment my life. I know it & I think she’s picking up on it. Adding beta allows a soft place for the energy of her Feelz to bounce and be absorbed. All this is new. I like this setting and will focus on maintaining it and making it the norm. I’m not sure right now if it’s sustainable.

I fucked up and COMMUNICATED through text that I prefer to only text about logistics. (WHAT A FUCKING MORON!!!! I know!) We had a “sit down” where she told me how she “gets and understands why I prefer that way but she needs to hear from me and stay connected.” It opened a can of worms. What she wants is FREE and UNEARNED validation from me. This is stemming from the 5 love language books. She asserts that she needs words of affirmation from me. I’m not throwing undeserved compliments and affirmation around. That’s not happening. What I think I’ll do is just maintain the frame in that aspect of things as well by choosing what text I reply to, what topics I entertain, and when or if I even respond which I’ve already been doing lately. I stepped on my dick by going a little Rambo and verbally asserting a behavior from her, instead of just putting it in play, causing repetition to create a new behavior.

Aside from that little hiccup. I’m pleased with how this week turned out. It’s not time to stop working.

CAREER/FINANCES

Pretty steady on this side of things. Working extra for my personal funds.

PLAN

• DNGAF my affair
• Get my body looking like I’m in physique competition prep.
• Embody NMMNG/WISNIFG
• No Porn - No Fap
• Savings account

OYS 32

Stats: Age 42, separated from wife (38). 3 kids (5, 8, 10). Height: 5'9". Weight: 72.5kg (160lbs). Most recent 5/3/1 lifts - Bench 72.5kg (160lbs), OHP 50kg (110lbs), DL: 147.5kg (325lbs), squat 102.5kg (220lbs). Have read most of the sidebar at least once. Englishman living in Spain.

My OYS entries so far are a reflection of my mental mood when I write them. If I’m cheerful, I focus on the good parts of the week. If I’m feeling low, I either castigate myself (and promise to do better) or skip them altogether. Obviously this makes them of limited use.

Last week johneyapocalypse said that I was trying to do too many things at once and failing at them. That hit home, although not before I’d resisted it and thought that it was bullshit. While I’m feeling good I’ll make plans to change everything in my life: from tomorrow I’ll stop all the bad stuff and do all these new things (Wim Hof breathing! Fasting! No sugar! Read poetry! Write a novel! Start a podcast! Do yoga! Play the harmonica!). I’ll keep it up for a day or two and then the energy slips away and it all collapses. I need to build changes slowly. I’ve done that with the gym - that’s just something I do, I don’t have to think about it. So, for now my focus is on 2 of my red areas:

1. Smoking
2. Getting my (literal) house in order. It’s a dump. I’m a grown man. I’m not dating at the moment, but my flat is so messy that it’d stop me ever bringing anyone back. I’m getting better here, but it needs more attention.

Separation

A couple of strange interactions with the ex this week. Last week she asked me which kind of phone I had; it turns out someone has been accessing her emails. “You can just ask me about relationship stuff if you want to know,” she said. It wasn’t me, thank fuck. I’ve stayed out of her business since we split last summer, but it would have been in character for the old married me. It made me very thankful that I’m not that guy anymore, though also it was odd to be reminded that I had been that guy.

Then, yesterday, she sent some messages apologising for her behaviour over the final year of our marriage (emotional affair -> physical affair, me “forgiving her”, her not breaking off contact with the guy: a whole mess) and saying that she’d been working through stuff with a therapist. I’m glad she’s doing that, she’s the mother of my children and I want her to be healthy for them, but the man she’s apologising to is long gone. It threw me a bit, but, again, I’m thankful that I’ve moved on a lot this year. I was also reminded of these changes when I had the office to myself one day this week. That happened a lot last summer, a time when I was desperately unhappy and clinging to sanity. Now, I just enjoy the peace of an empty office.

Physical

In the gym three times last week. I’d planned for 4 but we had a last-minute work day out paddle-surfing. Lifts are all going well, though I’m going to have to deload a little on the deadlift after 3 months of lockdown. Presses are at personal bests, so bodyweight exercises and Simple and Sinister did the trick.

Think I’ve been putting on weight too quickly and have gained too much fat. Since last week I’ve been doing 16/8 IF. Will keep an eye on the scales.

Spanish

I live in Spain but work in English. Lack of confidence in speaking Spanish has been an excuse not to increase my sociability and friendship circle. I’m working my way through a Spanish course, a little each day, and have been watching Spanish movies and TV with Spanish subtitles. Before I’d only watched things with English subtitles, but it turns out that I can follow enough to not need them.

I’ll keep up the course and the Spanish films this week.

Reading

I’m reading too many books and not applying enough of their wisdom. In addition to 48 LoP and PoN I reread Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism. Too much. Slow down. Action over reading.

Friends/social

Good online relationships. No new face-to-face. Paddlesurfing and lunch with colleagues on Friday, which was a lot of fun.

Taking the pressure off myself to expand my social life this week. Just going to focus on my two shittest areas: smoking and living environment.

Family

New summer timetable between me and the ex means that I’m now working 4 days a week for the next couple of months, having my kids on the other 3 (she has 3 nights with them, I have 4). This weekend was fun, although after 3 days and nights with 3 kids I’m ready for a break from them. We’re doing stuff together, like cooking and gardening and pull-ups, though I’m finding it harder to connect with my 10 year old, who is less motivated by the idea of simply being with Dad. Still, we’re talking about Ancient Greece (an interest for us both) and he showed me how to play Zelda. Some progress here.

Dating

Off all the apps for a while. Not a priority.

Work

All fine. Basically autopilot here, but that’s fine for now. Have had glowing feedback from a couple of our clients about my work, so there’s that.

Shit not being owned:

Smoking tobacco and weed

Admin - made some progress on boring admin at the weekend. This week I’ll timetable a couple of hours to clear stuff.

OYS #1

STATS 42, Married 3 kids all teens. 6'0 190 lbs, no BF % yet. DL 225. SQ 185 BP 135. Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, DBF, Way Of Men. Reading: WISNIFG, Dune.

PHYSICAL Yeah I've got a lot of fucking work ahead of me. Dgaf when I hit the iron everything else fades for an hour or so. Out on a solo camping trip and did a 2400 ft elevation hike and ive never felt so keenly how much I've let shit go. Still powered up to the summit, despite many rest breaks. Weights dropping though and ive gotten control of my cravings for the holy trinity of weight gain. Even gotten a few compliments. Matters not only what I see and I see much work ahead of me. EDIT: I also crumbled and bought a pack of smokes after a particularly heinous shit test fail.

MENTAL Starting on RP has hit me with a wave of realizations of exactly how long and how ingrained my beta behavior has been. My first post here was 'RP that somehow became BP.' Utter horseshit. I was never RP I was just good at fucking girls. I had no frame, no mission, no awareness. Realizing that has made me fucking angry. Like rage to tears at times. Raised by a single mom and 3 sisters. No male influences at all. Do the math. That a victim puke? It used to be. Now all I feel is rage at the years ive wasted and the potential squandered. Working on developing and keeping frame. Continually reminding myself that this is about fucking ME and to stop seeking validation.

RELATIONSHIPS Throughout the years all my best friends moved to other places. Having contented myself with calling the wife 'best friend' I made no real efforts to make new ones. So, ive been looking for things to join. Book clubs, an MMA class. Anything. Haven't done it yet though, although I have a point of driving to spend time with a few of these guys. Signed up for a bike course to get my bike license next month because ive always wanted to. Currently out on a solo camp to get back in touch with the most important person in my life.

FINANCIAL Pretty good shape really. I make around 170K a year. I have %150 stock savings/ RRSP matching. CC debt steadily being payed down. Several larger pieces of debt will be gone with the next 2 years. I want more though. Several friends have recently gotten into FOREX trading but the whole thing sounds like a pyramid scheme to me with rather small returns. I'd rather look into a business I can see and touch.

MARRIAGE I could write a book but ill keep it brief. Sex is plain and vanilla except for a session here and there. No BJs. No HJs. I just hop on top, she cums I cum done. Even positions other than missionary are rare. I've noticed with my weight loss that she has some mild dread but then I fail a shit test and have to start over again. Moving into some kino. Trying to STFU but cant seem to get out of my own way at times. The anger is always just under the surface and my frame crumbles. Getting better but still miles to go. Feel like a baby learning to walk. I will say that a post I read (cant remember who) about just FUCKING your wife seemed interesting so I tried it. Just fucked her with only my needs in mind and we fucked 3 times that night. Touched on a mental state during that was pretty eye opening. EDIT: I tried sexting her last night with pretty much zero response. During what is supposed to be my time. So I fucked that up.

OVERALL I feel like a baby taking his first steps, but I believe in what I'm reading and seeing. It makes such brutal sense all of it. In my anger phase and its significant and hard. If it was though then every man would do it. I'm in it for good.

Age - 34. Weight - 150. Height - 5'10" Lifts 5RM - Squat 205, Deadlift 255, Row 135, Bench Press 155. Reading - NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, WotSM, MAP. Relationship - Married 9 years, 5 year old son, 2 year old son.

Mission - To be the leader of myself and my family. To be a role model to my sons. To be fit and strong. To value experiences over things. To be really damn good at the work I do.

Physical - Following 531 Forever BBB routine. Lifts are increasing and injury free.

Tracking calories and protein. Last week, I started meal prepping my lunch on Sunday and Wednesday to help target my lunches. Just need to keep working on consistency every day.

Career - Need to keep working on my career outside of my day job. I work at home two days a week, so I'll take some time then to work on career projects. Easy to get too comfortable and think you'll have a certain job forever. It's a false sense of security.

Financial - No major issues here.

Social - I went on a guys camping trip this weekend. I planned the date, booked the cabin, etc. It was great to have a weekend without wife and kids. Helped me remember what I was like without kids. I'm my own man and my identity isn't just a father or husband. Reminds me of NMMNG and how crucial it is to connect with other guys.

When I was driving home, I started to feel a sense of guilt that I had fun while my wife watched our kids. I started to think how I could return the favor with suggesting she get together with her friends or offering to watch the kids next weekend.

I realized this and told myself that's bullshit and I don't need to feel guilty for doing something for myself. Instead, when I got home, I shared how I had an awesome trip, thanked her for watching the kids, and went about life.

I'm happy that I had the self-awareness to notice I was feeling guilty for doing something for myself and trying to stop that habit. I'm happy that I stepped up and took the lead in organizing this trip.

Marriage / Sex - Our anniversary was last week. Because of COVID, we celebrated at home by dressing up, ordering carry out, and having dinner alone while kids were watching a movie. Sex was good this week. I'm getting and giving oral sex as part of foreplay, which wasn't typical before MRP. I'm rarely getting a hard no. Dirty talk, spanking, cumming on her, and other sex acts are on the table that weren't early in our relationship.

Many nights, I initiate and my wife says "So, we're having sex now?" in a matter of fact or playful voice. She finishes folding laundry or finishes that email, goes to the bathroom, and heads to the bedroom. I get the sense that sex is still a to-do list item and she's having sex out of a sense of wifely duty. I'm not getting starfish sex though and I enjoy what we do during sex. I'll take it for now as I increase my SMV over the next year.

I need to keep up with gaming her every day throughout the day. That's part of the problem. I am hit or miss on this. Somedays I remember to flirt, talk sexually, comment on her ass, etc. Other days, I just go about my day not even thinking about it. I need to game her to build sexual tension leading up to the initiation.

Thanks for the advice last week on spanking. I need to read SGM to keep escalating our sex life and adding dominance.

I'm still masturbating once / twice a week to porn. It's a habit I need to break. It's not even that enjoyable, sex is better.

Current Goals

• Lift - Four days per week (M/T/Th/F)
• Yoga - Two days per week (S/Su)
• Track Food - Track calories for every meal
• Eat 150-200g protein / 2,800 calories daily

Same goals as last week. I have other goals as well about porn, masturbation, browsing reddit, etc. However, I need to just focus on only a few goals at once. I'm focused on lifting and eating for July and August.

NMMNG Breaking Free #3

List attachments you use to try to get external approval. Ways in which you seek approval.

• Working hard on things I don't care about
• Being muscular / fit to get sex
• Avoiding topics that create conflict
• Not offending people when I know my opinion is different
• Listening to people talk about things I don't care about
• Spending time with people that I don't care about
• Doing things that I don't care about because someone else wants me to
• Ignoring my own needs and putting someone else's needs first

Many things on the list in NMMNG did resonate with me and I added a few of my own. I've been working on doing things for myself, not for anyone else's approval / satisfaction. I work hard to feed myself. I dress well for myself, I clean house because I want a clean house. Other things like avoiding topics or not offending people, I'm trying to just stop those behaviors.

That's my OYS and Breaking Free for this week.

OYS5 (previous)

Me: Age 34, height 6', weight 179 lbs, 13.3% bf

STBXW: Age 32, married 3 years, together 8, no kids, separated

Lifts (pre-covid): SL5x5 lbs SQ 245, DL 300, BN 195, RW 155, OP 115

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, TWOTSM, POON, POOK, BLS, MAP, MM, 12RFL (20%)

Purpose: 1) Be the best version of myself. 2) Find meaning in my life.

Mental

I had a couple of moments this past week where I looked back on memories and thought about what the future could have been. This led to more feelings of resentment, anger, suffering, loneliness, and regrets. I am still holding onto the past, still have a lot of emotions of both love/hate, and I have been avoiding my fears instead of confronting them directly. I realize I waste a lot of time and energy doing this, distracts me during the day and keeps up at night. I need to work on this.

Read more of 12 Rules for Life and one section that resonated with me was "rescuing the damned". My marriage had turned into something along the lines of me being the rescuer and my STBXW being a victim. I think it comes down to my BP conditioning, feelings that I don't deserve success, avoidance of responsibility. From 12RFL:

This is more typical of young people, although the impetus still exists among older folks who are too agreeable or have remained naive or who are willfully blind.

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not everyone who is failing is a victim, and not everyone at the bottom wishes to rise

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it is not easy to distinguish between someone truly wanting and needing help and someone who is merely exploiting a willing helper.

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If I stay in an unhealthy relationship with you, perhaps it's because I'm too weak-willed and indecisive to leave, but I don't want to know it. Thus, I continue helping you, and console myself with my pointless martyrdom. Maybe I can then conclude, about myself, "Someone that self-sacrificing, that willing to help someone- that has to be a good person." Not so. It might be just a person trying to look good pretending to solve what appears to be a difficult problem instead of actually being good and addressing something real.

Physical

I continue to get by with my home gym, tracking progress, and overloading. Did a few sessions of boxing and cycling which felt great. Also put together a PT workout plan to fix some lower body pain, gotta take care of your body.

Trying to hit and maintain 13.0% bf this week, sticking tight with my 2,000 caloric intake while throwing in some more cardio.

Career/Finances

I got a 2nd job offer which is actually pretty decent and I may end up taking it. Happy with that but still waiting on a 3rd offer which should be better, expecting to hear back this week. Going to make a decision soon and want to start ASAP so that I could get back into a schedule, have an income, and start grinding.

Relationship

Maintaining NC with STBXW except for logistics, she does try to reach out with a nice message occasionally but I still get filled with negative emotions.

Social

I set up a hiking event with some friends, dealt with challenging logistical issues, uncertainty, the members of the group had some anxiety and doubt but I pushed forward, had a plan, prepared, assigned tasks to others, and it turned out to be a really fun time. This was a good feeling and took some oppty for leadership, definitely want to continue this momentum.

Got some IOIs from friend's LTRs, commenting on my looks, past achievements, flirting a bit, asking lots of questions, comparing their LTRs to me, etc. This made me uncomfortable... Not sure how to handle these situations best. I try to downplay, deflect, ignore, boundary, and prop up my bros. It's like I'm on the other end of a shit test/hypergamy and noticing this annoys (probably cause that is what my STBXW used to do).

I need to get better at controlling emotions and building up that social skill that I've let get very weak over the years. Some things trigger me and I end up reacting with too much investment. Some things I don't articulate very well and it gets misinterpreted. I have a lot of room to improve with being more authentic and present while handling the room. Keep things light with women, talk about serious shit with the guys, work on inner-game.

OYS 29: Mid 30’s, 6’ 187lb, BF13%, Separated, one kid 3yrs (f)

BF - I took 5 measurements for each site and used the average in a 3point Jackson calculator. I did it in the morning before breakfast so not sure if that throws the results. I weight myself in the morning after having a piss.

Week Goals

• meditation session 20min – 2/1
• 10 min meditation – 3/5 (changed this to 5 a week target)
• Boundaries – good
• Mobility – 70% intended sessions
• Pomodoros 21/20
• Porn before 26/07 – no

Reading: MMSLP, MAP, Side Bar, Unchained male, models, The Eagle and the Dragon, WOTSM, WISNIFG, The dating playbook for men, The subtle art of not giving a fuck, The Rational Male, Awareness, NMMNG(x2), sex god method, Pook 15%, Meditation Book (40%), no more bad kids (30%).

Physical: Be strong, fit, powerful and injury free into old age.

Weights – three

• Lots of walking (often fasted)

I hit my target BF of equal to or less than 13%. I am going to go keep going and see how that looks. Aim for 11% then reassess.

Separation:

Continuing with mediation – ex is coming up with what she wants in response to what I suggested. I can see she is going to ask for more than she would get in court. If I avoid court, I avoid risk so I will have to factor that in and not sway too far towards giving in to avoid risk and digging my heals in because I could get a little bit more.

Mental/Mindset: Express myself authentically.

Performance Anxiety – I would appreciate any input here from guys who have had this issue, it’s starting to get to me. Initially I had issues with new girls and using condoms and started using Viagra. Recently I started sleeping with this girl I quite like without condoms (need to own some shit right there) and I am still get it.

I worry about being hard, then I get an adrenaline dump and then I can’t get out of my head about not being hard. I get so focused on ‘being hard’ that I’m not paying any attention to or enjoying what I am doing and the whole situation moves from enjoyable to stressful. I get thoughts like:

• I should be hard anytime I want
• It’s not manly to not be able to get it up
• She won’t want to see me again
• She will judge me/laugh with her friends about it
• I am worthless
• I will never be able to get hard again

The issue is psychological (although recently my morning wood hasn’t been as hard/existent and I think stress is an issue) however that is only recently and this was happening before that. I am considering just using Cialis/Viagra while I build myself up and deal with other stressors but I feel ‘bad’ about that, like I shouldn’t need to use it etc. Also, I’m just avoiding the actual issue, but I don’t want to completely ingrain it while I’m also stressed from other things and make it harder when I do address it. I would like to get to a point where I legitimate don’t care but I’m just not there are even close yet.

Thinking about what Blarg_Risen wrote last week, I should just focus on what gives me value and I would have less issues but I’m struggling to think of that in the moment. Has anybody managed this before? Any ideas on what to do, resources etc? I heard about Coping With Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence & Enjoy Great Sex – anybody read it? Am I just overcooking this whole thing? It’s probably more about mindfulness and enjoying the moment more than anything else.

Stress - I have been feeling stressed lately, particularly about the above issue, and when falling asleep, I felt myself ‘let go’ the amount of stress release was amazing, I had no idea how much shit I was carrying around. I am wondering if I need to focus on this again and go deeper into relaxing into life. I clearly have massive issues with worth, my own frame etc but I think part of this is that I overthink it all, I forget to just ‘live’. I have been waking with a start multiple times some nights and I think I just need to acknowledge this and implement stress reduction activities. I get trapped in thinking I ‘shouldn’t’ need to do that, I ‘should’ be able to grind harder now. Curiosity mindset = that’s interesting, I’m waking with a fight/flight response, feeling overwhelm and struggling to get hard, I’ll try meditation, giving myself a ‘break’ and checking T levels and see what I find out.

Part of this is finding it hard to accept my ‘lack of success’ I judge myself harshly and I’m finding it hard to be ‘ok with where I am’.

Relaxation – one of my items from MAP was fake relaxation. Sure watching a movie is relaxing once in a while, but it’s not ‘relaxing’. I have made a list of properly relaxing things and will try them.

Comment on my failure as a person – I’m seeing more clearly, how my fear of things not working, is related to any failure being generalized to ‘I am a failure’ ‘I am not good enough’ and how this creates an enormous amount of stress. It moves me towards living in fear and away from any philosophies version of ‘the way’. It also makes the performance anxiety worse.

Self worth / value to me - Thinking about Blargs comment about self-worth last week and it really resonates with me. I want to look at the world from the perspective of value to me.

Misc:

• I have continued the CBT course, it’s ok but I need to put more consistent time into it.
• Continuing to get my profile out at work and position myself for a promotion.

OYS 3

Late 30s, 5'9”. 169lbs, 15%bf. Married 6 years, 3 kids ages 2-8.

Current lifts 5x5: squat 225# (cant squat right now), bench 145#, deadlift 225# (cant Deadlift right now, ohp 100#, Row 145#.

Read / listened. NMMNG, Rational Male, WISNIFG, working through sidebar.

Read this week. First 100 pages of SGM.

I’m watching / listening to YouTube Vids while I’m in the office. I listened to all of Richard Coopers RedPill playlist and now listening to Rian Stone. Starting with the Sidebar series. His understanding on NMMNG is great. Much deeper than me.

u/HornsOfApathy first post on Depressive and Anxious Wives: How it's all your fault

My MAP/ Mission:

I realized this week that what I’ve written for this is Bullshit. It’s just buzzwords. Nothing authentic and it doesn’t mean anything to me.

This is what I had: Be the best version of me that I can.Start asking why. Be fun, fit, financially set and fuck. Live life, don’t just let it happen. Raise masculine boys and a well-rounded girl. Lift, sidebar & STFU.

&#x200B;

I want to be better than currently am. What that actually looks like and how it works into a MAP. I don’t know yet.

&#x200B;

Physical:

I’ve never really looked better than this. Maybe 10 years ago when I was 185 with a slightly higher BF%. Hit all workouts this week. Up a few pounds. I’m struggling with bench. I always do when I get to roughly body weight. Maybe it’s a mental block, maybe its form, maybe I’m just a weak pussy and I’ve hit a plateau of below bodyweight early. I’ll keep pushing through. Knee needs a few weeks of rehab before squats again. Light deadlifts are ok.

No T level results just yet. Expect them any day now.

&#x200B;

Career and finances.

Lots of thinking and not much doing. Have had some further discussions with the landlord on my office. He has one party interested in taking the whole space. I can either maintain the lease and sublet and take half the profit or break and have no risk/costs but no profit. I think the commercial office market is going to have a tough few months ahead and I don’t know this company’s long term plans. I’m leaning towards getting out clean. Passive income is making the decision harder. Asking a mentor on this to see if I have any blind spots.

Personal finances remain the same. Very minimal debt but minimal assets.

&#x200B;

Relationship:.

I’m in a very strange place here. No results from the Testosterone check yet but I had zero sex drive this week. I haven’t for a long time. Even reading SGM I’m not envisaging it with my wife. It’s not that I am jerking to porn and don’t have the desire for sex left in me. I have no desire at all. I didn’t initiate once. She was depressed a lot this week which doesn’t help but as /HornsOfApathy points out, that is my fault. I agree with some parts and disagree with other parts. Ego could be in the way here. I have definitely enabled and rewarded so why was I surprised with the results? I’m going to reread it a few times before moving on to the next part.

&#x200B;

Fun;

More of the same. Me doing a few fun things with the kids. Fishing and hiking. Lockdowns easing but hard to do as many things as I’d like. Had the kids for lots of the weekend.

&#x200B;

STFU:

Mostly comfort test this week. I didn’t fail any but I feel like I could have enabled the behavior.

I should have realized by now that I get repeated shit tests or tests on the same subject. If the question is the same, maybe I should study the answer for next time.

Last week I said I’d write about a shit test that happened the morning I posted my OYS. I vaguely recall what this was about and I think that probably is more important. If it’s not overly important to me, why sweat it enough to write about it a week later. This makes me realize that if it’s not important to write about, then maybe it’s not important enough to take seriously or engage with in the moment.

Where I struggle is that in the moment, I think it’s important to her. I give some shit tests too much time or feel a need to respond due to her depression. So I respond. I may not fully deer but I explain or defend. I’m yet to find any congruency with AA. I just sound like a dick.

OYS #12

Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 18, 12, 10. Over a year in. Reading MMSP (2x), WISNIFG(3x). Read NMMNG (2x), SGM.

191lbs w/ BF 15.6%. Squat 175, BP 130, OHP 105, DL 165, Row 110

PHYS Hiked 17.8 miles w/ 4,600 ft gain over the weekend. Longest ever and glad I did it. Soreness in calves affected squats, though, and I had the first knee pain since six months ago. Tomorrow should finish my post-COVID catch up w/ new maxes. Looking forward to that. Let me eating go over the weekend by celebrating the hike by myself and later with family upon return. Back in line now by meal planning and adding grilled chicken salad for the first time. To Do: make the phys therapy stretches every day and don't let up just 'cause I've hit a goal.

MENTAL Journaled every day while away for the weekend. Then Rian Stone says that maybe the whole time away thing isn't needed. Well, it was good for me in many ways. I shared BF Exercise w/ safe friend. TO DO: join the NMMNG group on Reddit to add one additional outlet.

WORK Mtg in 5 min w/ my FTE who is costing me $10k loss per mo. with no forecasted chg. I'll discuss options of termination, furlough, or 1099. I was avoiding this, so I decided to make it the first thing I would do this week. Also went ahead and opened a SEP account and made the full deposit possible. Been meaning to do this for many years and tired of waiting on CPA hand-holding, so I did it and told the new CPA. That's a load off. Knocked out and scheduled a half dozen marketing videos. Got frustrated waiting on others so I learned the editing tools and just cranked them out. First time ever we've had back-to-back published and never so many in so little time. To Do: Push the planning horizon out 2-4 weeks for improved quality, sales touches and coordination with others.

RELATIONSHIP No change, but I'm working on the "she's dead" mindset to just do what I should be doing. The "be attractive, don't be unattractive" mantra has been insightful and a helpful shift for me.

OYS#10 37, wife 35, together 16 years, two toddlers

Got a rule 9 ban. Ok, I get it. This is all about me.

FITNESS 6'1, 183lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles).

Squat 5x5 130lbs Deadlift 5x3 220lbs Bench 5x5 135lbs Press 5x5 90lbs Row 5x5 130lbs

Got my ass to the gym seven times these last two weeks. Lifts are back to pre-covid levels, except for the squat. Some flexibility excercises and a foam roller might be the solution for the ouchy hip, just have to take it slow for a while while I'm trying it out.

Started to look around for BJJ dojos in the area. A bit curious, might wanna try it out when/if the plague lifts.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits, Ego is the enemy, Power of now (40%)

Finished a rough draft of my mission. Needs refining but I like it this far. Feels like me.

Read a fair bit of Tolle's Power of Now. The way he explains the relationship between "mind" and "you" was enlightening and clarifies a lot of what meditation is supposed to be like. Something Sam Harris never made explicit in his meditation app. I have been attacking meditation daily with renewed inspiration thanks to Tolle. Will keep listening to the audiobook the coming weeks. It's deep stuff but I pick the easiest points this readthrough. Will certainly come back to PoN.

RELATIONSHIP Really made an effort to pass tests this week to see how it goes. Politely but smilingly refused to make her tea, ignored a lot of small nagging, didn't engage when I was accused of pointless shit etc.

Fucked three times this week. Tried to really rough her up for for the first time in my life. Next night she ambushed me with lingerie and was all over me. We NEVER fuck two days in a row. Never happens. This time I was even more dominant and it was awesome. I think we both were shocked I had it in me. Then a couple of days later a nice fuck in the couch. I caught myself being my ordinary soft self in the middle of it, but made sure I pounded her extra hard as I came. Ok, lesson learned. Sweet lovemaking might be cool for variety or foreplay. But don't think she can't take a hard round of fucking. She's built for getting it hard.

I know I'm not supposed to measure progress by her reactions, but it's hard not to take this as a hint that I'm in the ballpark of doing some little thing right.

SOCIAL Initiated and kept conversation going with a handful of milfs in the playground. Was fun to practice casualchatting. Need to do this more. Flirting can wait, I need to take this slowly. Seem to remember some good chat tips in Day Bang. That might be next on my re-read list.

Barbecue with some old friends. Lots of kids running all over the place but great to see some of the boys again, was a while ago. Didn't make an ass of myself so mission accomplished.

Have started chatting a bit with the kids friends' parents when they come to pick up their evil midgets after playdates. I used to let the wife handle the social bit. Need to get better at it, so trying to grind when I get the chance. Not really going out of my way to seek such chances out though.

CAREER Keeping up the summer gig I landed and getting decently paid. Usually july is totally dead so nice to land something that compensates somewhat for the lousy spring.

TODO Focus on not failing tests. That is, not engaging, not DEERing. And not accept stupid fetch quests.

OYS #8 - at war with myself

40, 6’0 192lbs (-3 from last week), 14%BF (navy) Married 15 years, wife 40, son 6yo.

OYS 101 Lifts (2RM’s): SQ347,5, BP245, PR170, DL445.

Read: 2nd run through done of MMSLP+MAP+TWOTSM+NMMNG. Currently book of pook and some twotsm/wisnifg thrown in along som older MRP posts.

STFU: Progressing.

Things I have done well:

Social, leading, hygiene, meditation, family, diet, training, no porn/fap. Still doing cool shit with my son including with other men. Great.

Two week diet break ended and the first week back in a deficit has been fine. Likewise coming back to real weights after the deload. I just need to watch that I don’t go too fast - but I think some is probably water weight/stomach content. My waist is going down but so did my neck measurement so no change in Navy BF. Mirror tells me I have a bit to go, veins are starting to come through in lower abdomen though.

Have a lawyer booked later in the summer to talk divorce. Not rushing but preparing.

Work, sex, sleep, food

Finding my mojo, purpose and energy at work again. Had my yearly performance review. The actual performance review was maybe 5% of the talk as I am overperforming on all parameters. Instead we focused on where I should go from here. Put a plan together with the SVP for my next step up happening in a few years once I have optimized my current department - and getting some pay rises while I am here. I recently got one, hoping for another within a year. Money means little to me (only because I have enough, I realize that) but I want to be where I provide the most value - and rewards that cost something are a good indicator of that being the case.

The SVP warned me if I really wanted to be a “fixer”. We have many “steady as she goes” guys in our organization - few people with fire and drive that are able to do change management. Thus I might be assigned to places that need clean-up and restructuring if I am not careful. I think I am ok with that. I have to develop whatever I work on - comfort is not a priority, and actually I feel better when I am making a real, tangible difference.

I am finding my balls again in dealing with the troublesome female employee. This will eventually come to some sort of more open conflict I suspect before she either falls in line or moves on. But I have agreement with management about the course, so let's see.

It's a weird, weird thing to follow my sexual desire. It is completely quenched for days and then roars back up all of a sudden. Happily the wife is compliant if not enthusiastic. I have had fun with gaming all day, quite overtly, sneaking into little corners for kissing/feeling her up/mini-BJs, getting nudes while I'm at work. That sort of stuff. Fun times, feel more like myself. The sex has been pretty good, just going for what I wanted, when I got the familiar starfish. I was good at stating what I wanted, also some kinkier stuff, some of which happened, some didn't. The most important was that I owned my desire and my kinks.

Sleep is still weird. I will get a sleep study after the Summer holidays. Even if I already had one done a few years back, getting a more detailed one can rule out anything physiological. But my feeling is that this is mental and related directly to the guilt and shame. I wake up feeling like shit every morning. Did a test with a nap on the weekend and it was the same - even worse. Really felt guilty even taking the time for myself to the extent it woke me up. There is no reason to. I am OMS with fam, kid, wife, work, friends etc. I think that deeper down the guilt and shame is towards myself. How I have let myself down, not owned my needs and wants, even continuing now by not being congruent and authentic, staying in this husk of a relationship. I am working on it.

I had a cocktail and a glass of wine this week, really felt like it as I went some awesome places with a really interesting dude I am cultivating a friendship with. Could feel it slightly next day though it wasn’t much. It’s kind of useful with these little reminders about how alcohol isn’t worth it (for me). The same happened from overeating on the weekend. I need to learn these lessons regularly it seems.

My mission

Really coming back to this and it feels great. I want to change the world and do it through developing people and relationships. I do this more and more and can see a path towards taking it to the next level after the talk about my perspectives. I will as a byproduct help my son by setting an example (as we know kids pick up what you DO not what you SAY). I had this weird false belief that prioritizing my efforts in the world (work and otherwise) was a trade-off to prioritizing family. Freeing to realize it's the opposite. I am an awesome dad with him and we do awesome shit - exactly because I am realizing my potential.

Shit to own

I am scared of confrontation with angry women. Like shit-scared. It's hilarious but true. There is some waa-waa story there about my fathers anger and me replaying it, but the cause doesn't really matter (at least not once you know it). Anyway, from meditation I've learnt to be aware of physical sensations even in stressed moments. And it's the weirdest thing. I have had it during a difficult talk with my employee and with my wife guilting me (this time mostly how I don't parrot back "ILY") and my heart starts POUNDING. Really crazy shit. I am fairly sure this will clear up as I keep working on it. And then maybe I will be less of an entitled little shit at home. But God. Scared of my wife being mad at me for not saying words on command. What a pussy. Not doing anyone any good thus not conducive to my mission.

I also have to own once again that I carry enough resentment that I run my mouth about it to other people. Less than last week, and the venting was more focused on action and myself (so not completely useless exercise) but even so. Very much detrimental to me fulfilling my potential and just time wasted.

In the end it’s all inside my head. Those imaginary bars. I am at war with myself, guilt and shame are riding me pretty hard. Thought patterns go to how I am unfair, too demanding and negative, bla-bla, and conversely how my situation is hopeless, I should leave but the consequences are unmanageable etc. Reading this old article actually helped quite a lot:

https://rianstonept.blogspot.com/2016/07/what-did-you-think-she-was-going-to-do.html

I have definitely been guilty of "doing MRP" so the current relationship would "turn around" using it as a toolkit to get other people to do/be what I want them to. Monkeys will dance, especially a well-trained one like me. I even caught myself thinking I should ask the MRP-sages in this OYS on how I should react to ILY's and where the balance is of how much I "should" say back, 2/3 rule and whatever the fuck. Get my validation here if I don't from her? Jesus. I can't outsource that - I will have to figure out what is resentment (and kill that shit) and what is authentic DNGAF (and own it).

Stuff to get done

Basically I need to keep momentum on the good (and easy) stuff. Family, home, work, money, gym, diet.

I will keep pushing boundaries on sex - I need to if I want to be authentic. It can be difficult in face of lack of enthusiasm, lots of guilt about being sexual hanging around. But I am improving.

I still suck of course. If my woman is my mirror then I am shit. So what is left after all of this? STFU most of the time while I learn to communicate effectively. Actions more than words. I will keep on grinding on the reading etc. to adjust mental models on this. I like the course I am on, but guilt/shame can quickly derail it and turn me into a butt-hurt and/or supplicating bitch.

OYS #

Stats:

• Age: 29
• Height: 5’11
• Weight: 195 lbs
• BF%: 14%
• Squat: 470 hi bar
• Deadlift: 545
• Bench: 365
• OverHead Press: 205
• Power Clean: 315
• PR Mile Time: 5:35
• PR 100m: 11s

Readings:

• WISNIFG
• Book Of Pook
• Chateau Heartiste Blog Archives

Podcasts:

• Red Mornings
• Rule Zero

Fitness/Diet:

Gyms reopen soon. Will be nice to train again. In the mean time still running and maintaining level of endurance I have built up over the past few months. This endurance will help with the volume and hypertrophy phase in the beginning stages of my strength program, as well as recovery from said training. Also, I will begin increasing healthy fats and decreasing carbs slightly (50g less carb, 50g more fats) per day with the decrease in endurance training and increase in neurological stress and adaptation from the introduction and focus of strength training. Protein remains the same.

Career:

I have a license I need to go get for my career. For this license, I have received the paperwork required in order to register for class schedule, and will complete and submit this online tonight by midnight. Once I have that license, I will then add this to my resume when applying for positions.

Hobbies:

I have been pulling my hobbies from their dust-covered state one-by-one. I grew up liking art and sports, and I enjoy drawing, playing drums in a band, sculpting, and photography. So far, I have re-emerged photography and drawing, and bought a new DSLR camera to practice with rather than my iPhone that I’ve been using for two years now. Massive difference. Great progress.

Frame: Recent events in the news I find interesting. I don’t really give a fuck. I find that to be the most surprising factor in all of this. The world can and probably will go to hell, but what does that have to do with me? I’m working and never stopped making money, my family is healthy and working as well. Myself and my loved ones remain unaffected. Naturally, I find myself not caring. Just put my head down and as long as we’re okay, it’s all just background noise. Very interesting to watch.

Social:

Trying to meet other like-minded individuals, as well as people who are better than me socially (especially in terms of charisma, and body language) whom I can study and learn from. To do this, I am more social at my gym, trying Meetup.com for local meeting regularly with new people in group settings, and being more social everywhere I go (opening strangers, is in indirect game to chat and then get info for possible further discussion, leading to hang out). I feel I am and have been very focused on this area for a while now and is slowly becoming one of my strengths, but I need to stay consistent so I don’t lose my social skills again. I also have more fun when I have time to my self combined with time with others - where I have social momentum and opportunities open up much more often than if I let my social skills fall and social momentum goes down as anxiety goes up.

Financial:

This is another area I am trying to improve. One of the major reasons in me deciding to pursue a career (instead of another job) is so that I could get out of a warehouse, have more job security, get paid more money, to be able to afford to do the things I want to do (travel, play drums, photography, own my own property, etc). I would also like to retire by 55, so I put $1000 into my retirement fund, and ramped up my monthly contributions to this plan 1.5x. I will put another $1000 lump sum into this account next year around this time again to take advantage of the compounding interest.

Will post again next week.

OYS #1 – Introduction

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 185 lbs; BF% untested

Lifts – DL=265x5 , BS=260x5, BP 155x5, OHP=115x5; 5k run=18:00, 10k run=41min

Relationship - wife 33, married 10, together 13; 4 kids (all under age 10)

Read – NMMNG, The Rationale Male Year 1, MMSLP; Currently - The Daily Stoic, WISNIFG

Intro I have lurked long enough, time to put myself out there. Technically my MRP journey started in 2013, when I came across NMMNG. I didn’t know what to do with it then, but it planted the seed that eventually led me here. I’m a born and raised blue pill faggot. I was a pathetic beta in all my relationships prior to and including my current relationship/marriage. My wife and I were set up by her friend (my cousin). She had no relationship/sexual experience (to my knowledge, of course) prior to me. Our sex life has never been great, but in recent years has been bordering on non-existent.

Fitness-wise, I was in good shape when we met. I slowly let myself go over the first few years until 2012 when I made a conscious effort to clean up my diet (I lost 40lbs on diet alone). Again, I let myself go until 2015 when I had enough. I started eating healthy AND working out. First P90x, then into running, and now since starting the red pill, lifting. I am currently in the best shape of my life, however, I have a long way to go and have far loftier goals than what I’ve accomplished to date.

I started my red pill journey last fall when I finally realized that my lack of sex life was not my wife’s problem, but mine. I began applying some basic concepts in my marriage - I failed often and each time fell back into blue pill BS. I finally hit the sidebar and started seriously lifting this spring when I was sent home to work in March due to COVID-19. My wife is a SAHM, and the kids were home from school. The 8 weeks I was home, working, offered me a great opportunity to observe and apply techniques as I learned them. That experience was invaluable and I’ve been able to keep my momentum going.

Physical Lifting (5/3/1) = 3 days a week, started June 1; I did Stronglifts 5x5 off and on for the last 3 years prior Running = 3 days a week, 3-6 miles per run; I was running 30mpw prior to a minor achilles injury in Feb.

Diet During the week it’s a balanced combination of healthy food, trying to consume more protein. No/Low sugar and no alcohol. Probably too much coffee. On the weekends, I let loose a little more, consume more sugar and some alcohol. Overall it leans towards a healthy balance, but if I need to tighten up my diet, there is plenty of room for improvement on the weekends.

Mental Besides the reading, I’ve been trying to journal my thoughts daily. Much work needed in this area. Would like to incorporate meditation, I’ve done this in the past with much benefit.

Relationship We have a good marriage, we rarely fight or argue. We’re generally on the same page on most things. I am the primary initiator of sex. She accepts maybe half the time. I need to work on handling rejection, specifically OI. I’m getting better at reading shit tests and comfort tests. I have plenty of work to do on passing them. I’m getting pretty good at STFU, but like most newbies I have moments of weakness.

Mission/MAP I’m feeling this out yet, however, I have an idea of what direction I want to head with it. I think it’ll become clear as I progress through internalizing what I’ve read and applying it to real life. It’s a long road, but if it’s anything like I imagine it to be, it’ll be a fun ride.

OYS #16

29yo, 183cm, 73kg. Wife 44.

DL 7x140kg, SQ 8x80kg, 10xBW chip-ups.

The crap

I have zero frame and easily give up my values for others. What I think is frame is often just butthurt reactions.

I don't enjoy beating my wife, don't get off on it, don't have a D/s relationship and it's against my values - so the only reason I did it was to please her (because she asked to be beaten). That's next level retarded.

Spiritual

I'll arrange to receive confession from a priest. This is never a fun thing and is always a war between me and my fears and ego. One of the main benefits (besides any others) is that something I've confessed can no longer "own" me. Right or wrong, I cannot be accused of something once confessed to (and of course, taking action regarding the things confessed to).

OYS is also a dirty business and it's tempting to present a clean, "on top of it" image but it's a complete waste of time to do so.

Relationship

The wife wants a divorce due to me having told her to sleep on the sofa. I don't want and cannot justify a divorce. I've by no means improved myself to the point of ably handling my wife's shit tests and she's still providing valuable feedback of that.

The only "reason" I'd be able to truthfully put on a divorce application would be the wife's unwillingness to get help with her mental health issues when you can reasonably argue my behaviour has been more retarded than hers.

I re-iterated to her I will not get a divorce and that we should try counselling again, which she has agreed to.

Reading

I realise I'm at risk of being accused of being violent, abusive or both so read Preempting the DV charge.

• Poured all alcohol down the drain, chucked the bottles in the recycling;
• Setup marriage counselling and the wife agreed to attend. She and the counsellor (a qualified, PSA-registered psychotherapist with 25 years experience in the NHS) somehow managed to yell at each other within 5 minutes;
• Started recording conversations. Sadly neglected to record the above zoom conversation.

Re-read "Manning 101" and the MRP End Game. Thanks to a comment by SteelSharpensSteel I realise I'm barely hitting 101 in some areas and completely missing in others. This is at least the second time I've re-read something and had a reaction of "oh so thaaat's what it means / how I apply it". Going to take written notes this time because I remember things better that way.

Physical

Assembled and installed squat rack. The mental aspect of RPT is fun - determining the point at which you really can't do another rep with proper form.

Started at 80kg for the squats and that was quite hard enough considering how long it's been since I last squatted.

Household

Due to pride or laziness I've resisted getting outside help or paying someone else to work on the house. To get stuff done sooner while keeping everything else going I've simply got to get someone else to do it. Will look at hiring a fencer / landscape gardener to replace fence in front of house.

Replaced broken tiles in bathroom, grouted and siliconed. Fixed basin hot tap which inexplicably slowed to a trickle over the last week. Chopped up and put an unneeded interior door that was lying around in the rubbish.

TODO

• arrange confession;
• arrange another counsellor;
• evaluate / get quotes for landscape gardening;
• take written notes / journal on "Manning 101".