OYS #1

Mid 30’s / 6ft / 160lb

Married: 8 years / Children: 1 toddler, another baby on the way.

Mission

(1) Lead my family by being a strong and supportive husband and father.

(2) Design my life and be the best version of me possible.

(3) Reach my true potential in work and life.

Reading

I’ve read NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational Male, and have started MMSLP. Also reading a bunch of books on assertive communication.

Fitness/Health

I’ve been lifting 3 days a week. This is not enough. I'm now committing to lifting 5 days per week. I used to do a lot of cardio training to lose weight but realized that I don’t want to just get rid of fat, I want to be strong. I alternate push/pull and related muscle groups and do legs every third day. It has been good for my mind. I end up feeling mentally stronger and more clear headed after I lift. It helps my with my confidence.

Mental/Mindset

After a few weeks of daily meditation I realized that my relationship issues with my wife make me feel depressed. We argue, our communication skills are shitty, and that makes me feel hopeless. I get blamed for having bad communication skills (not direct, dishonest, passive aggressive). She's not wrong - I do those things. I will continue to own that and work on not doing that shit. I tell my wife everything. Perhaps too much. I feel like shit for days after our arguments and sometimes become distant. This is pouty bitch shit and it needs to stop now. Lifting and meditation help return me to equilibrium but I really hate the rollercoaster we're on. I’m hard on myself in all the wrong ways. I care way too much about what my wife thinks of me. I start believing the shit she says about me and the way she sees the world even when my gut knows she is wrong. I’m deeply in her frame and I need to find my own. The fact that my whole "mental" section is about her is indicative of how much I'm in her fucking head.

Relationship

I’ll try to describe my situation as succinctly as possible. My wife and I love each other and are regularly intimate. That said, we have problems and our relationship is not currently equitable. The only thing we ever argue about is our relationship (or lack thereof) with my family (parents/siblings). We haven’t seen them in years because my wife got fed up with dealing with my temper prone mother and family’s toxic behavior (being controlling, treating us like kids, boundary issues). She also got fed up with me not doing enough about it. She now hates my family and thinks they are horrendous people. After their last visit a few years back my wife gave me an ultimatum: support her position that she and the kids will never see my family again, or we get divorced. I begged to stay together and vowed to work on myself. I've fully acknowledged my family's poor behavior and my own role in perpetuating it. I’m personally welcome to have whatever relationship I want with them but it can’t include my wife and kids. My parents behaved like assholes on many occasions, but I also don't believe they've done anything so egregious to deserve being cut off and never meeting my kids again. If they had done something truly unforgivable I'd absolutely cut them off. I don’t bring up my need for connecting with my parents/family very often anymore because I hate the fighting with my wife and we never get anywhere. I can own that I was shit with family boundaries for years and did a poor job keeping my mother and family in line and protecting my wife from their bullshit. I was an enmeshed little boy desperate for my parents approval so I let them get away with disrespectful behavior towards my wife and I. Unfortunately, I was in deep denial that it was even happening. I’ve worked hard on my own boundaries and now have a good relationship with my family on my own. I've gone as far as working with a therapist to heal my childhood shit that caused me to act like a giant pussy to begin with. Whenever I ask my wife if she’s ready to try to see my family again with strict boundaries, or if I can share a few photos of the kids, we have explosive arguments where she yells and shares a litany of my shortcomings as a husband (“how dare you even ask”, “stop pressuring me”, “you’re selfish and only care about your needs”, “you’re disrespecting my boundaries”, “I’m never changing my mind”, “your parents are evil”. We repeat the insanity every few months and in-between have what I’d describe as an enjoyable relationship (family time, vacations, fun). This makes me feel crazy. I find it deeply depressing that my kids don’t know my family at all. It is impossible not feeling angry, resentful and fed up with the whole situation. It's not right for me to direct these feelings at my wife. My parents and I caused this shit and I need to continue to internalize that. That said, the current situation is untenable for me, and I’ve mentally accepted the possibility of divorce. I fully realize I played a major part in creating this issue by not being the leader of my family. I’ve apologized to my wife and made real changes, but she hasn't forgiven me, doesn’t trust me to protect her and the kids with my family, and isn’t compelled to work together as a team to find a workable compromise. The only action plan I can think of is to continue to assert my needs and to stop being a conflict avoidant bitch. I need to develop more resiliency when my wife is angry at me or doesn't agree with my point of view. I need to be courageous enough to disappoint her. She genuinely believes I will stay in a marriage where my kids aren’t permitted to interact with my family. But I know that if we don’t find a compromise someday we aren't going to make it because this isn't the life I want.

Social

I lost touch with many guy friends as soon as I met my now wife. She doesn’t give a fuck if I hang with friends. This is my problem. This was a huge mistake since I now have few friends. It's fairly clear that I'm codependent with my wife. Starting this year I’ve reached out to old male friends and now I talk to them on the phone every few weeks. I don’t currently have any dudes to regularly hang out with in person. I occasionally meet up with former colleagues for lunch and used to play in a basketball league weekly (or did, before COVID). I had a lot of guy friends in high school and college but have neglected the friendships after getting into a committed relationship. I have a lot of excuses for why I can’t make time for friends and hobbies and they’re all bullshit. I’m not too busy, I’m just not proactive or creative about finding a way.

Career

This is the best part of my life and always has been. I’m successful, educated, and fortunate to make great money. I have a promising career path ahead of me. That said, some of my assertiveness issues do come up at work (delegating, difficulty disciplining direct reports). I feel I’m at a great place career wise and I’ve worked really hard to get here. I used to have work life balance issues but I fixed those as soon as kids came into the picture.

Financial

My wife handles the finances. I’ve taken more interest in the last year but I’m still passive. I make all the money but don’t care about managing it - this doesn’t make any fucking sense. I need to step up, get educated, and take control back.

Near-term goals

Keep reading. STFU. Focus entirely on Fitness, Mental, Social and Financial. Practice assertiveness. Do my own thing - keep calling friends and family, find time for my own hobbies, plan activities for the kids and spend more 1/1 time with just them.

OYS #1

Early 30s, married 7 years and together throughout our 20s, 2 kids under 4 years old

Long Term Goals: guide my kids to be social, adventurous, assertive, and thoughtful; build a strong personal and sexual relationship with my wife; maintain a strong social group of varied and interesting friends; establish a career and gain financial independence to travel the world

Fitness (176 lbs, \~15% body fat): have been making nice strength gains over the last month. Lost strength during COVID when gyms were closed, but close to hitting pre-COVID lifts while \~10 lbs lighter - I decided to cut weight from March thru June when I was limited to body weight exercises at home. Need to stay focused during entirety of workouts, keep my diet consistent throughout the week, and make sure I get enough / solid sleep to maintain strength progress and slow, steady weight gain.

Career: will be switching careers in 2021, and I am preparing for this transition. It will be a much more entrepreneurial and sales-type role, so focused on developing my soft-networking and people skills even more so than I've done in the past. To work on this, I've practiced interacting in unusual / unfamiliar social situations and overall being sociable with everyone. Also focused on finishing on a high note with my current company.

Finances: investments took a big hit during COVID downturn, but I've held steady and made back a lot of the losses. Focused on a long-term buy and hold strategy. Will continue maximizing 401k contributions for the year and work within family budget to save a bit extra on top of that. I do need to make a decision around some cash I have on the sidelines and how to best invest this. With market going as it is, thinking of waiting for a short-term pullback or balance out investments with some fixed income.

Social: continue to make efforts to spend time with friends / family, meet new people, and flirt with women I interact with. Despite COVID managed to have a fairly active Summer with friends and family. What I need to focus on is being more proactive engaging people I don't know. Depending on my mood, I can be very good at this while at other times uninterested in doing so. Particularly with my upcoming career change, it will be important I can stay in this mindset whenever I am in a social situation.

Family: working from home and constantly being around the family has been a bit draining. I need to focus more on living in the moment when I'm interacting with my family and not get distracted on other things. My kids are young, but will keep encouraging them to be independent, assertive and sociable. When spending time with my wife, also need to be totally focused on these interactions without other distractions. I've noticed that when I am able to do this, she becomes much more flirty, feminine, and sexually open. I will limit the time we spend just watching TV on the couch next to each other and take a more assertive role in leading the time we spend together.

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OYS

My escalations/initiations need work.

Pook talked about an internal change where you stop looking for green lights and start accelerating at reds. I feel like that's where I'm at now but also recognize that those "Internal Game" concepts appeal to me because they tend to sound more elegant (or at least less retarded) than PUA stuff and you don't really have to "do" anything to get there.

Reading Steel's cheat sheet to the Mystery Method:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7aeibr/back\_to\_basics\_mystery\_method\_the\_game\_and\_the/

There are enough nuggets scattered around to warrant reading the books referenced but I also have a good idea of what my specific weaknesses are so I:

A) grabbed something off my desk I can hold all day (little odd shaped key I don't normally carry) to remind me to address them as and when they come up and;

B) got The Game, Rules of the Game and Mystery Method for Kindle.

Will plug through those and break out some specific goals as I go along.

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OYS 3

Stats: early 30s, 6'6", 225 lb, 10% bf (navy method)

Married for 1, together for 7, no kids

Accountability:

Still no video games, no porn, no fap. 13 days without weed, 9 days without any alcohol. I got called out on this last week, rightfully so.

Goals from last week:

• Grill some ribeyes, chicken breast for meal prep - Done, more below
• Complete ch 1 and 2 breaking free activities - Reread chapter 1 and 2, completed all 3 BF activities
• Complete 2 guided meditations and log resets - Used Jeff Warren's "Concentration 101" meditation. First try I only made it 8 minutes, second try I made it the full 15. I did not log my resets, but I noticed I do it a lot.

Lift:

• Lifted 6 days: Thursday (push), Friday (pull), Saturday (legs), Monday (push), Tuesday (pull), Wednesday (legs)
• Ruck 1 day: Friday (4 miles, 30 lb ruck)
• Jogged 4 days: Saturday (4), Monday (3), Tuesday (1.5), Wednesday (3.5

I've cooked more consistently in the past week then I have all year. I'm going to revisit "Big on a Budget" videos this week to get some more ideas on improving my meal prep.

I've been half-assing my nutrition and macros so far, but I've made some steps towards cleaning it up.

Sidebar:

Restarted NMMNG, this time I'm doing the Breaking Free exercises with the reading. I found my notes from the last time I read the book, I only completed the first 8 activities and never finished the rest. No wonder I never made any progress.

I also started reading MMSLP, I'm on chapter 5.

STFU:

From Steel's guide: don't go to your wife for validation. I've been catching myself doing this a lot, especially when she gets home from work and I fill her in on everything I got done. So for the last couple of days I stopped talking about what I'm working on. It's all stuff I should be doing anyway.

General Observations:

/u/SBIII shared a metaphor with me last week. Basically, I have dug a giant hole, filled it with my own shit, and then climbed on in. This hit me really hard. I had already taken steps to "stop shitting more into the hole" by removing the things that were particularly damaging (drug use, video games, social media), but I hadn't identified all the shit I was still swimming in. I thought about it a lot, and realized that a lot of my bottleneck deals with my ability to concentrate and focus. I'm terribly unorganized and undisciplined, so I started with my home. Cleaned my kitchen, threw away all the junk food, vacuumed, put stuff away, and donated a car full of stuff I don't need. I know it's not a lot, and I have a ton more shit.

Steps taken:

• Stopped reading OYS posts by others, started reading the top posts of all time. Holy shit. Each one has something that applies directly to my situation. I've taken a lot of notes that I need to revisit frequently and internalize.
• Went to the barber for the first time in over a year.
• Scheduled a visit to get new glasses. I've been wearing the same pair for over 5 years. Also going to try contacts.

New Goals for this week:

• Read more. Schedule 3 uninterrupted sessions where all I do is read. 30 minutes each.
• NMMNG chapter 3 breaking free exercises
• Calculate my macros and meal prep accordingly
• Meditate 3 times, 15 minutes each.
• Go through more of my shit and make another trip to the thrift store

OYS #31

Married: 3 years. 3 kids, 1 on the way. Height: 6', Weight: 216 - Target: 187lbs or 10~12% BF

-PRs as of 8/20/2020- SQUAT: 310lbs x 4 - Target: 350+ x 5~ or 420 x 1 BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 265+ x 8~ or 315 x 3 or 330 x 1 DEADLIFT: 405lbs x 4 – Target: 500+ x 1

Reading: Principles, “Bigger, Leaner, Stronger”

Health:
I’m quite happy with the fact that I had, virtually, no alcohol this week. I had ½ a can of carbonated water + whiskey, and threw the rest in the trash. I can feel my ‘dependency’ on it slowly eroding. Where I used alcohol to decompress, after a long day, I’m now in the gym, getting my high from challenging myself to get stronger, lose more fat, etc.

Weighing myself every day, and weight loss has started to slow down. I assume I’m starting to lose weight steadily and, thus, more efficiently for the long term. I’m waiting until Saturday to see if I need to adjust my weight loss goals or not (Currently about 1.5kg/3lbs a week).

My squat has hit a slight plateau. On heavy weight, I’m having trouble with repping. I’ve identified that, when pressing the weight back up, around mid-squat, I struggle. I started doing 1.5 reps, focusing on really driving and powering through from the bottom. We’ll see if this helps my rep count + rep weight next week.

I missed the mark on sleep twice this week. One was a warranted occasion, the other was poor planning on my part. Overall, getting better and learning from the experience.

Meditation I have, unfortunately, not made a priority. I’m really slacking here, so I’ve decided to set an alarm for 10mins of meditation, minimum, every day.

Gym 5/5 Alcohol 0/1 Meditation 2/7 Sleep 5/7

Going Forward:

1. Meditate every day.
2. Track weight and lift goals in my journal, every day. – In progress: MFP and Symmetrical Strength.
3. Only drink once per week. – In progress, going better than expected.

Mission and Career:
This was a week of refocusing on what I wanted from work. I was in the process of settling for more money, for a job that I really didn’t want to do. I withdrew my applications for the senior position of my current job, and have refocused on what I want: an software engineering/dev ops position. I realize I need to create SMART goals here, or I’ll just end up falling into a rut, giving up, and starting all over again. I’ve brainstormed 3 projects to showcase my skills, and am working on some certifications in the background to bolster my resume. I am taking a more methodical approach, which should help me to keep going and achieve goals. I’ll list this more in my next OYS, as I am still thinking things through and doing research.

I’ve reached out to multiple people on various teams, concerning the job change, as well. I’ve improved my network, somewhat, but I have a lot of work to do to get people interested in me being a potential member of their team.

Going forward:

1. Handle CC debt at the end of this month.
2. Continue expanding network, connect with the RIGHT people. –In progress
3. Formulate actionable, SMART goals for a career change.

This week: Personal and Family:

My wife has been kicking ass, lately. She’s gone from wanting to sleep all the time and only doing the minimum household chores, to baking, cooking, and cleaning with a purpose. I’m loving it. Our communication has gotten better--mostly because I keep my mouth shut. I’ve put so much shit on my plate, that I really don’t have time to be nitpicky about what my wife is and is not doing. And… because of this, I don’t game and play with her as much I should. I throw out a compliment here and there, but nothing truly noteworthy. Maybe this is the way it should be?

I bought myself some new cologne this week. Blue de Chanel. It smells amazing. I really need to expand my colognes and accessories. I’ve been following a few youtubers and have noticed some area where I’m lacking, noticeably my wardrobe. I also bought some family games; Jenga and Twister. I tried teaching my kids how Twister works, but they’re a bit too young. We still had a good time learning right from left.

Patience and catching myself when I’m being a dickhead with the kids has been a challenge for me lately. I constantly remind myself that if my kids’ behavior is ‘bad’ it’s my fault. My oldest son is now getting to the point where he knows how to play the victim and cry when he needs to and manipulate the situation. I’m not good at giving him the love and support he needs, I think, because he’s a boy and should be ‘tough’. Boys don’t cry. Bottom line is, I need to spend more time with my sons. I am making plans to go to the lake with them, this weekend.

Going forward:
1) Improve in the area of goal and progress tracking, generally. - In progress 2) Spend quality time with sons, at least, once per week.

OYS

Health

Health is mediocre but hasn’t gotten worse. The measures I put in place seem to have helped. Prioritize sleep (and this has meant 12 hours of sleep some days), continue exercise at a less intense level, focus on simple foods and liquid nutrition. IV treatment today so expect to have 3-4 ‘good’ weeks once it kicks in over the weekend.

I have outsourced my meals to a food delivery company starting this weekend. High protein, good split of macros. Costs me \~$80 more per week than what I was doing. Right now – it’s worth it.

Mental

Mental has not been great. My tolerance level of stupid shit at work is very low. I’m taking a step back as needed for 5-10 minutes and focus on breathing and get back into it.

Same with my kids and misbehavior. I have not lost my temper, but internally have been more frustrated than normal.

Working on being authentic, open, and vulnerable is tough for me. “How are you?” was always answered with I’m fine or great especially to Nurse, and parents. *I didn’t want people feeling bad for me*. I realized that’s not on me. I can be authentic, and I don’t expect anything (sympathy, help) in return. I’ve been answering honestly – “Not great. I have it managed”. This has been a huge mindset shift and difficult; it’s a relief that I don’t have to *pretend* to be “always on” or “perfect”.

Despite all the shit above happening, I’ve felt I’m back “in the zone”, “in the groove”, or whatever stupid metaphor you want to use. I feel like crap – yes. I know my mental state isn’t great – yes. But I’ve felt like I’m back being centered for who I am. That feels good.

Career

I gave my boss and HR a heads up on my health status. I don’t expect to miss work or have anything impacted. But there’s a possibility. I also did this as a bit of job protection as there has been a big transition to Europe headquarters for many positions. Long tenured, Hi-Potential, exceeds performance employee being proactive about health issues and having health issues make it a lot harder for them to move the job. They certainly still could but buys me time to handle the more pressing issues going on.

I am not dissatisfied with my job anymore and have back-up plans but would prefer not to execute them at this time.

Relationship

Continues to be great. “I’m not feeling up to seeing you tonight” combined with “there is nothing you can do for me [for me not feeling great]” one night last week apparently spun her hamster up real good. Have had a very high level of comfort tests.

She has not met my kids (and won’t for a minimum of another 2 months) but continues to do things for them as well – activities for them to do, bought them some face masks in designs she thought they’d like. Little things, but they all add value.

OYS 35

28, 5'9" 175lbs, as of last max bench 235 squat 375 deadlift 405.

Fitness

Good week for fitness. Starting to find a rhythym at the home gym, I'd say 75% as efficient as the real gym and improving. Need to grab some extra 45s so that squat/deadlift is heavy enough.

My son has been a dick re:making it to boxing. The second I'm out in the living room, 4:30am, it's like he has a sixth sense for it. Wife is cool about taking him if he wakes up but since she works until midnight I don't ask her to get up that early unless she's had at least one day off. Goal this week is to go 2-3 times depending on what he allows.

The real triumph has been the last 4 days when I have hit a stride with my macros. I picked up an air fryer from wally world, and it has been a game changer. Turns out I've been eating way too little (1000-1500 calories per day) and eating clean and right has spiked my energy. I feel like a whole new guy. Goal here is to get habits established that survive the transition back to the office.

Relationship

Things are going pretty good here. My wife has cut back on the mirtazapine, and started picking up some of my healthier habits. Sex was good this week. Had a beach weekend that was a blast.

Otherwise not much to report. If every week went like this I'd have never found my way here to begin with.

Career

Nailed it this week. Finished a protocol that's been giving me fits. My first ever direct report starts in a couple weeks, I'm excited for that.

Other

With all the travel I let the house get nasty again. Starting Sunday I have been spending two hours per day on it until it is hosting-ready. Already by today it is much better, but the less commonly used rooms still need work. By next week I'm going to report that it's spic n span. I'm almost 30, my living space needs to reflect that.

OYS #1

TLDR: After more than a year of LARPing I am still a BP Betasux husband who can’t even game his wife, much less a passing rando.

46 | 6'2" | 220 lbs. | BF ??? | Lifts (pre-COVID): bp 190 lbs 5x5, need to get a proper gym membership to work on squats and dl, but hip problem may limit my progress here.

Background: White Knight by Day, Porn 'King' by Night

Married 22 years with 3 kids elementary- to middle-school-aged. Recovering BP/Nice Guy who killed his wife’s attraction to him with porn and embarrassing attempts to use hookup sites. Few things scream low SMV more than that. Tried to recover by placating and promising to change. Y’all can guess how that went.

All that is over now, for my part. The promises were real even though it took me a while to make good on them. I haven’t fapped to porn or any other fantasy for over five years, although I’ll cop to an occasional viewing.

It still comes back to bite me because hamsters do not have a linear sense of time. That means my present right to remain silent is often sorely tested by my past failures to understand that anything I say (or do or don’t do) can and will be used against me.

I have never had a dead bedroom that wasn’t entirely my fault, and not for a long time now. Sex is frequent and mostly enthusiastic but conventional PIV. I have never gotten the ILYBINILWY speech, and I have no reason to suspect an imminent branch swing. My wife is a good woman. I’m just not attractive enough to override the prime directive of feminism:

Never do anything for the express pleasure of a man.

This is on me, too. I made a virtue out of necessity by posing as a feminist ally for years. It never got me laid but it did prevent me from getting doxxed out of a potentially fulfilling career. The side effect was that it added fuel to the dumpster fire I have been trying to put out since the first (second, third, …) time I got caught jerking off to porn.

I discovered MRP in November of 2018 but didn’t get serious until June of 2019. I read the sidebar but didn’t lift and SFTU. Eventually I hit the gym and made some newb gains but my lifts are still nowhere near where they should be. Ongoing failure to STFU is also a major issue. I have not done OYS until now because I thought I was making progress.

Turns out it was all a massive covert contract.

Here’s why.

Executing the MAP

I eventually left my potentially fulfilling career because it wasn’t going to pan out. The period of unemployment that followed didn’t do wonders for my marriage, but it did give me time to reassess myself and my mission. I owned shit around the house, managed my anger (with some notable failures) and, after discovering MRP, started gaming my wife. Currently I am working on friendships with other men, developing hobbies, and executing my financial vision.

The financial vision includes paying down debt (partially done), starting a FU fund (done), opening investment accounts for the kids (done), taking equity out of the house to put in faster and more liquid assets (done), and getting a job with potential for advancement (done). I have survived restructuring, received two raises and a promotion reporting directly to the CEO, and I expect another positive review coming up. My wife still earns more than me but I control the finances and that isn’t causing any anxiety.

Life is better on nearly every front save one (not counting the pandemic).

Welcome to Ramboville

About a year-and-a-half ago I went through a Rambo phase. This was after I discovered MRP but before I started to lift, make practical efforts to STFU and integrate the sidebar into real life. In other words, It was a disaster.

Wife noticed changes, went through my internet history and found RM. Cue righteous indignation and the “come to Jesus” talk. It was like I had gotten caught jerking off to porn again. I thought I had navigated it successfully by fogging and negative inquiry. Then the BJs stopped.

For a year.

BJs have never been frequent, but they have never been off the menu either. Not wanting to move back to Ramboville, I figured the hamster was suffering PTSD after drawing an analogy between me reading RM, me sneaking around with porn and me cheating on hookup sites. The solution was to STFU and keep grinding. Maybe this is one of those cases where things get worse before they get better.

When I eventually did get a BJ it was on my birthday. This didn’t provide the validation I was seeking because it was obviously a gift. I tried to blow it off with a cocky-funny remark (pun intended because I might as well go suck myself for failing to STFU). That didn’t go over well and ended the night, but the hamster kept spinning, and spinning, and spinning.

Double Bind

Since then we have had a few arguments/conversations about what I want. None of them have gotten me what I want. They are all outcomes of my own failure to STFU and a massive covert contract. If I do XYZ then you will give me BJs and anal (see The dancing monkey attraction improvement programme).

So, what have I gotten? I have learned that I want “a whore not a wife,” that she doesn’t like wearing a g-string (for me), and that I only got BJs before because I ‘pressured’ her (see The light switch effect, Every unhappy wife is a rape victim and Actual conversations with ‘abuse’ victims). But wait, there’s more.

I have also learned that she is amenable to an open marriage. Maybe this is a plea for permission to branch swing, but I have no reason to suspect she is conscious of it. When I asked why an open marriage is more acceptable than BJs or anal, her response was “I am worried that I’m not enough for you.”

Right. Is this a double bind?

Agreeing to an open marriage would confirm that she really is not enough for me (and therefore that I really am an asshole). It would also give her a free ride on the cock carousel. The hamster knows this, even if it won’t let her admit it.

Not agreeing would imply consent to the status quo.

Agree and I’m cucked. Disagree and I’m fucked, albeit regularly and enjoyably but never on my terms. My response was to ignore the conditions of the double bind: “Neither one of us is mature enough to handle an open marriage.”

That is the truth. Have at it gents.

36YO, wife 38YO, 1 kid (6)

Lifts - no idea, gyms closed for 5 weeks at this point.

Height: 6’2’  Weight: 180 Pounds 

Goals 

Weight loss: No progress this week. IF (16/8) and clean diet are not doing it anymore. First six months this year IF and clean eating gave me great results with a lower level of physical activity.  Increasing IF to 18/6 starting now. Increasing training time has been fine. 

Relationship

My desire is becoming healthier. I indulge fantasy less and less, I can manifest my desire openly but also decide not to if I see she is not open. 

The Anxious & Depressed wives and related Jack10 series of posts are my study/implementation materials. 

Principles

I’ve not converted my principles to trackable goals. I journal if I lived true to them. It’s patchy, I need to put the goals down. 

Attraction

I’m starting to see what is not attractive in the way I carry my self. I can be comfortable with my self, but it does not mean it’s attractive to anyone else. I now see how being attractive is a choice and deciding to live a sexy life is something I can do without pretending I am someone else, but it does take conscience and a lot more OYS.

OYS #16

29, 5'7", 150# 16% BF, Wife 31, Married 5yrs, 2 kids, 1 in the oven

OHP 4x115#; Deadlift 4x270#; Bench 3x150#; Squat 4x205#

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, BOP

Fitness & Diet

Diet has been balanced and nutritious. Hitting macros, and this past week I have kept at my 3k calories/day. Ratcheting up the lifts has been much easier, but I notice the body fat % creeping up, too. It seems like I just need to put up with it while I push those limits.

Mission

Prospect effectively for new clients and friendships until the habit is built into my very nature.

At work still this is going really well. Got recognition of the absurd amount of new meetings I've set compared to my colleagues. Evidence that this is the right direction, and I'm going to keep going.

Have had some great connections with mostly old friends so far. Phone calls and meetups. I know I could build my community faster, though, if I was consistent making personal connections as I am professional.

Mindset

Really failed here this week. Wife is recently pregnant. She's feeling nauseous and uncomfortable, so sex has been on hold. Like an idiot, I've been looking at porn and masturbating. I've gone NoFap before, and it zaps my confidence and clarity of thought to assuage my feelings through these means.

Coming up, I aim to double-down on meditating (twice a day) and journaling (once a day, min. 5 minutes). I've found those two practices are essential for cutting through the emotional fog to focus on what's really important - to once again cut down the weeds of neediness to get back on track.

Got banned from posting on r/askmrp for being a dumb ass. Good. Seriously. I was butt hurt for like half an hour. I recognize now how ridiculous and immature I was being (and still am being - you guys can see it better than I can). If I have any questions, I'll bring them to the table in an OYS.

Relationship & Sex

Wife is pregnant. Things are weird. I'm sticking to my MAP. Not bothering with any active dread (which I think constitute ridiculous covert contracts anyways).

It's clear that she needs to be taken care of much, much more than before she was pregnant. As her body is going through changes, she becomes much more childlike in her need for direction.

What's going to happen with sex? I don't know. But it's clear I need to step up my game as Captain as my First Officer makes a new little shipmate.

Home Projects

Cultivating the attitude that it is my house. The dishes? They are my dishes, and I need to see that they are cleaned. The sink? It is my sink, and I need to see to it that it is unclogged. I still catch myself in my wife's frame, evaluating whether to do something based on how much she cares or doesn't care about it. Practicing to put that out of my mind and focus.

However, I'm also learning to take her observations without being butt hurt. I've been procrastinating on having our fridge repaired. She complains about it. Instead of being upset with her, to acknowledge to myself, "She's right. I should have fixed the fridge by now. The best time to do it was a week ago, the second best time is right now."

I consider if a rancher's wife told him of a busted piece of fence letting the cattle out, he wouldn't respond, "Woman, why do you feel the need to judge my capabilities as a rancher!?" He would rather STFU and go fix the damn fence before any cows get out.

Social

Having good connections with friends. I need to do a better job fitting these into a busy schedule. In the past, I've been an idiot and had social engagements at the expense of my responsibilities as a father - ditching the family like a dumb ass so I can have some fun. This time around, being in command of my schedule so that the family is taken care of *and* I'm engaging with my dudes.

Professional

I've built some keystone habits over the past few weeks that are serving me really well. I'm even getting recognition for it from my supervisor and leadership. However, my focus now is to do the less exciting, slower work. There are big payoffs if I do it right. I've always been a procrastinator, leaving projects unfinished. Now is the season to look that dragon in the eye and properly deal with it.

OYS 23

38y.o. 6'0" 190 lbs 21.1% BF (Navy Method) Wife 34y.o. 5'11"178lbs, Married 11 years, Kids 9(m) 5(f)

Reading/SB

NNMNG, MMSLP, King Warrior Magician Lover, MAP, Poon, The King Within, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, BPP- SLSM, Youtube Archetype Videos, Tons of Athol Kay & Entrepreneurs in Cars. Pinned Sidebar + Links within those.

Currently Reading: Reread sidebar pinned posts, last weeks OYS and comments, linked rabbit hole that goes down

Physical

Strength

Day A: BP: 175x12, 3x 225x5, 175x12 DL: 3x 215x5 Tricep overhead w/45lb plate 3x15

Day B: Bent Over Row: 3x 100x10, OHP 3x 100x10 Squat 3x 100x10, Shoulder fly 25lb plates 2x8

Plank 3x per week, 2 minutes each time.

100 push-ups daily, split in 2 sessions

Body weight squat and hold 2x daily

Still doing body weight exercises. The home gym did not take priority, no excuses.

Diet

I went hungry a lot this week. Just did not feel like snacking, and did not force myself since I could stand to lose 7% of body fat

Hygiene

Good- scheduled a haircut for this week. Washed my shoes, cleaned some windows.

Style

Continuing with the beard growth. I think long mustaches are gross so am keeping that trimmed on a 3, but aside from keeping the lines on the edges and my neck clean, have not touched my beard since July 12. I am digging the look so far and will keep it growing until I decide that I don’t

Fat

Progress in the right direction. My fat problems come right from the cupboard.

Goals

Get the fucking home gym set up. Keep healthy options only in the house. Stay on the trend of allowing myself to go hungry at least once daily

Mental

Another week of garbage sleep. 4-4.5 hours on the weekday, then made up for it by sleeping in on the weekend. I am just not tired at midnight and melatonin is starting to lose its effect. A lot on my mind, a lot to do.

Continuing no porn

Mission

Short Term: This week my mission is to double-down on strengthening my frame. I have recognized it become weaker than I want it to be, then overcompensate which doesn’t do me any favors. I know this is not a substitute for my long-term mission and am still reading and being present and looking for this.

Goal: Strengthen the roots of my oak (I know, it sounds vague, but my in my mind it is very specific) Find my long-term mission

Marriage / Family

Added family back to this section because the family unit is incredibly important to me, and an extension of the marriage.

The marriage is shit right now. I have failed over the years on a lot of fronts: leadership, attraction, frame. Overall beta. Years of shit from me has led me to where I am now. 23 weeks (plus some bans) of OYS and a couple months prior to that of lurking has helped me come a long way, but not long enough.

I think that the epic test is happening right now, a little sooner than I am ready. The woman is moving out at the end of this month. Maybe for good, maybe for a short while, and I bounce between IDGAF and anger- but anger directed at myself. I let it get this bad. I have not demonstrated enough value to generate the desire to stay. I have not improved fast enough. One thing I have been very clear on: the family home is my castle and I will not leave it.

The kids deserve better than all of this, and I realize that through all of the bullshit I am an awesome dad. I run the shit at home when I am here: 16 meals per week plus bedtime every night plus all extracurriculars. Since the last OYS I have taken them to the farm 3 times, fishing twice, watched some movies, had them help with the yard and some other projects appropriate for their age. I see to it that my children have a fulfilling childhood, and great experiences with dad. They listen, do what their supposed to, and the whining is minimal. I have always been a good dad, but OYS has really helped me to step up my game. Leading them is just a normal part of life at this point.

Goals: Focus on the kids. Hold frame on not providing any assistance with this bullshit move. IDGAF needs to be strong, even if I have to fake it.

Social

Pool party this weekend was cancelled. The host’s daughter had covid symptoms so we all decided to postpone it for another time. I am hosting poker night on Friday if we get 2 more takers. Staying in regular touch with friends via phone and text.

Goal: reach out to at least 2 friends this week to chat.

Career

Some shit came up which did not allow for me to work from home last week, but I will do that tomorrow, and then expand it next week for at least 2 days per week. I am also taking Thursday and Friday off. I am burnt out, and have had some disagreements with the owners. They love to micromanage/look over shoulders. But in doing so don’t realize that they are alienating several top and above-average performers. I am trusted and respected by several of these people, and as they come to me with complaints it is a delicate and stressful balance to bring the issues to the owners and propose solutions that they are not comfortable with. It is among the things I am paid for, and they pay me well, but it gets old.

Finances

The solid financial planning and execution has me in a position where an apartment will not sink me, but will potentially risk my boat. I am working several models, and will not do anything that risks my safety net, and have not ruled the boat out (I’m not going crazy- something 8k or less)

Now that the big pieces of the house project are done and paid for I can put on the brakes and keep working with what I have here before determining the next steps. There is plenty to do. I have some rebates and returns to send in as well.

Goals: Stay on budget, be conservative in my approach.

OYS 34: Mid 30’s, 6’ 187lb, BF 11%, Separated, one kid 3yrs (f)

Week Goals

• meditation session 20min – 3/1
• 10 min meditation – 3/5 (did more 20min sessions)
• boundaries – good
• mobility – 700% intended sessions
• pomodoros 23/20
• No porn – 1/12

Reading: MMSLP, MAP, Side Bar, Unchained male, models, The Eagle and the Dragon, WOTSM, WISNIFG, The dating playbook for men, The subtle art of not giving a fuck, The Rational Male, Awareness, Pook, NMMNG(x2), sex god method, no more bad kids, Practical female psychology 15%, Meditation Book (40%),

Physical: Be strong, fit, powerful and injury free into old age.

• cardio – two
• weights - two
• lots of walking

Last week I hit 11% bf, I didn’t put much in my OYS about it but on reflection that was an important win for me. Historically I have just cruised along physically, I have never really struggled here. I am naturally athletic/lean and have always had girls paying attention to my physique. I have ‘bulked/cut’ in the past but it’s been lazy, ahh just cut some beers and burgers and I’ll lose some weight then get ‘happy enough’. This time I set a target then took deliberate action to achieve it. When I stopped making progress, I adapted my actions and achieved my goal.

Separation:

Interim orders signed.

This outcome is the result of a significant amount of work, focus and emotional energy on my behalf. My finances are now as legally protected as you can get and I have reduced the risk of three things to as low as you can legally make them:

1. false DV allegations

2. move interstate

3. limit time/overnights with daughter.

We may, and probably will, still go to court at some point but I have done as much as I can to lock in a situation that is workable for me. I have been having a lot of ‘feelz’ about this. A huge amount of stress is gone, way more than I realized I was carrying.

Mental/Mindset: Express myself authentically.

This week I spent some time thinking about my self-belief. While all change goes in cycles, I feel I have ‘unlocked’ a new level for this. As in my writing about separation and physical above, I set goals for myself and achieved them. I have done this before of course but for some reason I feel different about these. I think these were things I set out to achieve rather than things imposed upon me that I had to endure. Also, I think the foundation of self-esteem or at least not self-loathing I am building up meant the positives of achieving these goals could take root so to speak. I look at them and think ‘I achieved that, what else could I achieve’, rather than here is 85 reasons that achievement doesn’t count. I feel like they contributed towards a slowly growing self-belief.

I also went back to basics and practiced WISNIFG techniques. I will keep doing this as I tend to get but-hurt and grandiose – why should I have to blab la bla. The WISNIFG techniques allow me to recognize ego in the moment (anytime I want to move away from ‘maybe you are right’ to 'here is why you are wrong') it is a good early detection system for my ego.

I faced some hurt inside me and I felt it. I’m sad about some things, I don’t want the world to be some of the ways it is and I’m hurt about somethings people did to me. I feel vulnerable and I don’t like it. And that is all ok.

I’m back to wondering about my ex, not getting caught up in it or taking any actions but I wonder what things could have been like if I was less of a faggot. In a way MRP is making it harder to move on because I see so many mistakes I made. Annoyingly, the life I want to live would be much easier logistically if I was just with the mother of my child. She is upping her ‘getting back together’ game and it’s opening a lot of emotions in me. I am letting these happen and not getting caught up in it at the same time I am acknowledging that I seem to be a person who tends towards this type of thinking and long term it is not productive for me.

I have been focusing on turning MRP concepts into things that sit well in my world view, this is helping me fully internalize some concepts. I was reading the extreme examples of concepts and it was not sitting right with me, but by thinking about how the underlying concept applies to my life, I have been able to better work these into my overarching worldview.

Value to me:

I did not look at how to combine my strengths with what brings me value and will do it this week

Women

I have been going Rambo as this is basically the first time I have actually applied any MRP to a ‘relationship’ – just nuking everything. She wants to please me and here I am nuking any 'mistake' and not providing proper leadership. I have been getting but-hurt about not getting what I want. Reading a few OYS/posts etc and I see how much I am failing here. I have recognized it and will address the issues. This week was about two things:

1. recognizing and APPROPRIATELY responding to shit/comfort tests.

2. acting congruently with myself and what I want utilizing these new tools.

I struggle to be vulnerable and this is putting a barrier in my mind to how close I get to another person, I think what has happened and the MRP realizations of what can happen make it difficult for me to be vulnerable when I am still too weak to be ok with someone being able to hurt me.

Practical female psychology is helping me better understand the lover/provider, Alpha/Beta dichotomy. I have a tendency to want to provide for someone and this helps me feel close to them, I’m not sure how to feel close without this. I still fall into the trap of thinking this ‘counts for something’. I think by maintaining my boundaries while I give freely, so I don’t get jaded and resentful and by making sure I am receiving the value I want in the relationship (classic nice guys stuff) I can do this without it becoming a problem for me.

Career

I am starting to get ambition back again, I spent so long trying not to sink (see my ridiculous OYS about swimming to the bank) and now I feel like I can start building. Not Lv 10 skyscrapers but moving in the direction I want rather than just not drowning. Conveniently a new performance cycle is coming up at work. I got a solid review for last year and now we are looking at next year. I am taking some time to decide what I can get from this current role that will help me move towards what I want.

OYS #4

Physical

Down 0.5kg bodyweight, Adding 2.5kg to my lifts each week. Hurt my glute coming out of the bottom of a last rep of squat. Lesson learned, warm up better and get solid squatting shoes/better technique.

Consistency is my criteria for success. The gym is a logistical nightmare. But I also have my fat arse to use as resistance. Priority is 4/5 workouts a week, then it’s triage depending on what is logistically possible - Gym > home workout (pull ups, rings, body weight, kettle bells) > at least a walk with the little one.

Reading

16 commandments of poon

Atomic Habits

Rian's WISNIFG sidebar series

Marriage

I got squared away with some solid advice in OYS #3. Awareness around my Rambo tactics and overt dread. As soon as it clicked, I chilled the fuck out. The next time she brought up me cheating, “if I am, you’ll be the first to know, don’t worry” not the best delivery, but there was an instant quiet and lack of tension in the air. This was fucking beautiful after being in the boxing ring for weeks on end without a break. Every interaction was exhausting.

Of course she has also cracked my shell a few times, letting myself fall into DEER instead of intelligently asserting myself or de-escalating with with fogging/self-disclosure/negative inquiry - mixed results due to incongruence/incompetence. It has worked a few times, without me even remembering what bullshit I spouted.

I am still full Rambo after getting excited by the positive changes in myself, she hasn’t had the chance to catch up. It has been great practise creating a hard mode, instead of gently changing everything.

Meanwhile, she's initiated a BJ and been gorilla fucked at least twice.

To do:

Work on fogging/self-disclosure/negative inquiry. Improving quality of interactions.

Stop being a butt hurt child.

Other:

Style - cutting my hair/beard more frequently. Taking care of my fingernails. No longer look like I’ve been hiking in the woods for 3 weeks. It has been noticed by wifey, but that's a bi-product.

40 yo, 5’10”, 179.9 pounds, 13.6% body fat. Six kids, blended family, 1 year living together

PHYSICAL

Squat 220, DL 230, BP 208. Did a re-feed day this week, can definitely the mental fogginess and general hangry feeling lift when you do it. Felt like a million bucks for that one day, and then yeah, going back to calorie deficiency was hard. Weight stayed stable for the week, and then dropped ½ pound of fat for the week. A good result given the re-feed day I was over 1000 calories from maintenance. Arms were up to 14.5, but now back down to 14.25 BUT haven’t worked them in about five days, so that’s part of it. Major lifts all went up this week, good job fag.

I’ve continued shopping for higher end clothes to use as my daily wear. Banana Republic, Polo Ralph Lauren , signed up for Stitch. Gf has commented on it “can you please PLEASE not get any hotter” It’s funny when you’re living (most) of your life as high value, the dread game starts working INSTANTLY. Good job fag.

FINANCIAL

Amazon business is bouncing back. Last month did $76k, this month I WAS on pace to do only $40k. With new products coming in, we are on $52k pace. It’s a fine balance between running out of product, and having WAY too much product. I have learned that my wholesale rep is slow as fuck, so I need to be giving him about a 2 week lead time to receive my products.

I would fire him (and get a new one), but after 12 phone calls over the last week to the corporate office, I have been unable to reach a manager on the phone. The corporate office is about an hour away, so I COULD drive there, but there’s no guarantee anyone works there right now. Even though he’s slow, the products I purchase through him make me extra $2500/month that I would lose if he just stopped taking my calls/emails completely. So I’m hesitant to cause trouble until I have someone, ANYONE else that I’m talking to.

Got a request to be interviewed for a small business podcast by a local brewery. Won’t do anything to increase my business, but it was fun nonetheless.

RELATIONSHIP

Girlfriend: Gf got bacterial vaginosis from the threesome. This has been a recurring problem for us. She likes doing the three’s, and loves when I bang her, then the other chick, then her, back and forth, etc. But her vagina fucking hates other girl’s juices inside of her. It doesn’t sound like a big deal (and for most women it’s not), but with her it moves into all of her girl plumbing and starts a systemic infection. On meds for a week, no sex allowed. We’ve tried to “cheat” before, and have sex, and then she’s had to re-take the meds for a week when it comes back. She’s frustrated and annoyed with it, “I’m one of the few girls who really REALLY likes threesomes, but then I have to do deal with this shit.” I did fuck her in the ass one night after a couple drinks, which felt amazing, but then her ass bled for a couple days. She’s been cunty lately with little to no sex, as have I. Done meds in two days.

Due to her general cunty behavior, I considered packing up all of her stuff (and her three kids’ stuff) while she was at work. I also took another look at finances, and confirmed that yes, I can 100% afford this place on my own. After an hour or so, I realized that just because she hung the phone up on me during a convo, doesn’t mean I should throw her and her kids out on the street. I don’t have much tolerance for bad behavior, and tend to “go nuclear” at the first sign of trouble with any woman. I’ve ignored her for the last 12 hours, and will continue to do so for the rest of the day. One of the advantages of owning your own business is you can “go to work” at any time, from anywhere. I’ve been doing that whenever she acts up, then she spends the next hour glancing up at me, wondering when I’m going to talk to her again.

Side Piece Tessa: I hit her up with a “hey” this weekend, but no response. She goes through phases where she wants to fuck around, but then will disappear for a week or so. No worries.

Side Piece Nikki (a different one than last week): She wanted to meet up Friday or Sunday this week for drinks and sex, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Generally speaking, if gf and I going through a rough patch, I have almost zero interest in side pieces.

Side Piece Church Girl: She’s trying to stay in contact with me, but if you’re not giving me sex, I have no interest.

Side Piece Sara: Her ex-husband is bringing her to court to try and get full custody of their 6 year old son. He won’t compromise on this, so court is on Tuesday. Ex-hubby hates new boyfriend, but legally doesn’t have much. “I want full custody because new bf yelled at my son.” Cool man, that’s not how it works. Only the lawyers will win on this one. Her bf actually got a SHIT ton of work done on the house, so maybe she won’t end up moving into our house after all. I do love the idea of fucking two women that live under my roof, but she’s in love with this loser, so if he makes any effort at all, she will stay with him.

I predict he will get the house completed just enough so DCYF won’t take their baby, and then conveniently decide it’s “best for our baby” for him to stay home and raise the kid, thereby buying himself five more years of mooching off her and never getting a job. He sent me a bunch of alpha memes the other day, and started explaining to me how he was alpha, and her ex-husband was beta. I’ve been trying to steer him towards MRP, so he can post on here and then subsequently get slaughtered, but instead I get alpha memes. You do you brah.

KIDS

Talked to gf’s parents, turns out they have A TON of camping gear, multiple tents, sleeping bags, etc. In the interest of doing more “active” activities with children, I’m considering having us going camping every other weekend. Approximate cost is only $280/month, well worth it for us to all get the fuck off our phones.

READING:

None.

TLDR: I didn’t fuck any of my side girls, and no sex because I infected gf with another girl’s juices. Gym good, finances improving.

GOALS:

1. Continue tracking calories in app, long term goal of 12% Body Fat.

2. Achieve $80k in sales this month.

3. Research campsites for kiddos.

OYS #4

Stats: 37, 5'7 170lbs 27%bf (navy), LTR 6 years, two kids <5yrs and one on the way

Books: NMMNG: 100% WISNIFG: 63% MMSLP: 100% Rational Male: 31% MAP: 39%

Lifts (dumbbells): Bench 130lbs 3x8, Pendlay Row 140lbs(+10) 3x8, OHP 75lbs(+5) 3x8, Weighted Pull-up 20lbs(+7.5) 3x5, DL 140lbs 3x10, Step ups 90lbs 3x6

Since I found this sub, I've been doing a lot reflecting on my life, trying to remember what I was like before, when this all started, and how it was that I got here. I don't remember being like this when I was younger. I remember doing a lot more thinking for myself. Now it's like, in my imagination I automatically run everything I do through someone else's filter (usually my LTR's filter).

I remember when this all started, we just found out that she was pregnant with our first.. which was unplanned and a complete surprise (we were just fucking at the time). Suddenly nothing I did was good enough.. not my job, my car, my level of education... and so on. This was a new thing to me, I'd never experienced this before where a partner was extremely critical (even going as far as subtly suggesting a fear that I might have inferior genetics).

I think all that stuff, combined with the fact that it was focused around my fitness as a father and parent, hit my ego really hard. It was at that point that I started changing everything about myself, hiding things, lying, walking on eggshells, etc. I think at first it was mostly ego protection, trying to show her that I was what I believed myself to be. It went from a fear of ego damage, to a fear of her finding out that I was hiding things about myself (things that are not bad at all, but I believed she would view them as bad), to just a fearful state in general.

Now I am at a point from reading posts and books that I know there is nothing bad about a lot of the things I do (even though I know she will view them negatively), but I am still have these conditioned behaviors, like constantly sneaking around, or checking if she's awake, and I've also conditioned myself to feel generalized fear. I think what I need to do is just consistently force myself to stop these behaviors, any time I catch myself doing them or ideally thinking about them before I do them. I was able to do this with the "trying to catch a peek of her phone" behavior and it went away, so I think this will work for the rest of these behaviors as well.

Anger

Dealing with anger has become a lot easier since following this: A Process for Letting Go of Anger

I can pretty much re-frame every bit of anger that I experience. Most of it has to do with unrealistic expectations, or ego protection. Once I realize what the source is, I can easily let it go and focus on something more productive. I'm getting faster at doing this and will continue to work with this method.

Ego

I've found that ego is a huge problem for me. I was one of those people who grew up with too much praise, which created this huge ego that I use a lot of energy and time trying to defend. I spent the last week reading about different ways to manage and control my ego and I think the best starting point is to adopt a "beginners mentality" with everything. Instead of going into things like I've got it all figured out or like I know everything, I'll just approach it by asking what I can learn from a situation.

Job

I did not hit my application goal this week. I think 50 applications per week should be attainable. This week I will aim for 50 applications and one practice interview.

Physical

I lifted three times this week. I did not hit my cardio goal of 4 days/week. I will aim for the same goal this week. I am also going to further reduce my calories by fasting every other day. So I will do one meal every 48 hours.

STFU

I need to continue to practice STFU. If I am experiencing a strong emotion, just completely STFU. All other times I need to count to 10 before I say anything, so that I have some time to determine whether or not speaking is going to accomplish anything. I think Horn's said something in one of his posts.. something like "if you think you'll solve any of your problems with your words, you're wrong". I just need to keep that idea right at the front of my mind.

LTR

• Stood up to her this week. She challenged me on something, and I started to get angry, but I was able to stand my ground without expressing anger or frustration. This was a good feeling.. I think I've only done this a few times in the last five years. I want to continue to practice this.
• I complained to her about something. She checked me on it with a sarcastic comment and I started to get upset about it, but I quickly realized that this was just a reminder to myself that I shouldn't be complaining to her (or anyone really) about anything.
• I'm still trying to accept and internalize the fact that she does not care about me. I know that intellectually I don't actually care about what she thinks but I keep catching myself automatically doing things to test this where in my head I'm saying something like "will she care about this? does she care or not?". I am trying not to do this but I'm still struggling with recognizing when I'm doing this. Hopefully with practice I'll get better at this. I'm also wondering if maybe after enough of this testing with the same result (she doesn't care), maybe I will get to a point where I've accepted that she doesn't care as a reality and will no longer feel the need to test for it.
  • I think an alternate and better approach to this would be to work on not needing ANYONE to care about me and to just let caring for myself be enough. At that point I would no longer need her to care about me and would no longer feel the need to do these tests.
• I've been able to recognize very few shit tests, like maybe one so far. I used to think that it was that I just needed more work on catching them, but now I think that she just doesn't shit test me. Pretty much the only communication we have is her replaying her day, manipulatively suggesting that I do something her way, or logistics. Not sure what this means really, just kind of a strange observation. From my understanding of dread, shit tests should increase as SMV/passive dread increases, so I'm guessing that my value is so low that it doesn't trigger shit tests. Curious to see if that's the case.

Goals

• Lift 3x, cardio 4x, every other day fast
• 50 applications, 1 practice interview
• Continue logging anger
• Identify and list my LTR focused conditioned behaviors that I do not like so that I can stop them (ex: validation seeking behaviors, ego protection behaviors, "testing" to see if she cares about me, hiding and other fear based behaviors, etc.)
• Read sidebar materials at least an hour each night

OYS#15 37, wife 35, together 16 years, two toddlers

FITNESS 6'1, 181lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles).

Squat 5x5 185lbs Deadlift 1x5 255lbs Bench 5x5 150lbs Press 5x5 100lbs Row 5x5 160lbs

Bought a simple caliper to measure BF% in addition to the navy method. Resulted in a 19.5% body fat, so pretty much the same as the navy measurement I did earlier. Way too high. Played around with a navy BF calculator, and it seems I have to lose about 4" around the waist to reach 15%. Which would mean losing about 13lbs of fat if I read the calculator correctly. Gonna take it slow but I'll get there. Still adding weight to every lift, lifting at least 3 times a week, doing some cardio, eating lots of protein.

Arms and legs (and traps most of all) are slowly getting more definition even if the torso isn't.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits, Ego is the enemy, Power of now (50%), Six pillars of self esteem, BiggerLeanerStronger

Wife is calling me out on being aloof and nonchalant. Sometimes I recognise it's because I tried to larp cocky but didn't do a very good job at it. Sometimes I have no idea what she is talking about, which should mean I actually was aloof. Which is more in the direction of what I actually want.

I am also accused of having a midlife crisis, and not just by the wife. Suddenly caring about diet, fitness, looks, hobbies, trying new things, etc. Well yeah, I guess you can call it a midlife crisis. Or rather that my whole life has been a crisis and I have just now begun to fix it. I have always been afraid to change myself noticably, thinking people would see me as a tryhard. And a "midlife crisis" is exactly that, a pejorative to shame grown men away from changing. Fuck that, I am changing now and there is no way to hide it for long anyway. Let them think whatever they want. I should get a tattoo and a hog too just to spite them.

Still no meditation. It has become some kind of chore that I just don't wanna do at this point. (Hey, I have 10 minutes to spare right now actually though. Let me just post this OYS...)

RELATIONSHIP Shark week finally arrived. Oh well, jacked off on her tits a couple of times.

I have been taking some stumbling steps towards leading the family. Hike activities, dinner choices and the like. Must step that up. Maybe dust off an old plan to start giving her fetch quests for a change. If nothing else to practice delegating stuff. A captain doesn't do everything himself.

SOCIAL Had a small family gathering and got more attention than I'm used to. That's nice, but it was so new to me, I didn't handle it very smoothly. Need to take compliments in a cool, mature way. I'll start with just saying "thanks" and see how it feels. Also, got a glimpse of myself in a shirt and actually somewhat liking what I saw for the first time in my life. Maybe it's true what they say; the iron is the best tailor. Gonna buy some more shirts. My wardrobe is 90% T-shirts and jeans.

Hung out with a couple friends doing some more lumberjacking. Chainsaws are FUN!

OYS #1 35, 8yrs married. 3kids under 6, weight 172, 6ft, bf% ~16. All 5x5: bench: 155, squat: 205, dead: 215, ohp: 105.

I’m grateful for this community for helping me kill complacencies and become a stronger man and father. I don’t: complain anymore, self deprecate, argue, miss lifting, give advice/convince.

Read: Rational male, NMMNG, rian Stone vids, sidebar.

Goals: 180lb weight by year end. That’s 2lb/mo and I’ve barely gained 4lbs in the past 8. I’ve been missing calorie targets because I feel nauseous eating 3,000 daily.

Weakness: Ego, frame, lazy, ungrateful, additude All through school I did the 50% of work to get a B instead of double the work to get A. I didn’t lift until 2 years ago. I’ve worked to gain security and comfort, but it’s like a covert contract with life- I only work to get what I want, not because I’m inspired.

Social: I am social but only think I have 1 friend, and many people I’m friendly with. Hard to improve on this with Covid and my attitude of all these guys being lead by their wives. Also I did a lot of social/hobbies through work but all that shit is cancelled so I need to figure out how to get out of house.

Been trying to follow this program for 2 years. Gained 12lbs, implementing my will and learned to manage my speech.

Field report section: In past month there were strange comments from wife when I initiated or she would start talking about daily blah blah while coming into bed. One time I just put back on my shorts and stood up out of bed (first time I turned down starfish). She encouraged me back but I legitimately was turned off. Soon after she did oh I’m so busy let’s try in like 4 days. I got butthurt because I don’t want to schedule sex and it makes me feel like I’m a lower priority.

Couple weeks back had a tantrum, thought wife would be responding more to me so like a fag awkwardly tried to silent treatment her the whole weekend while we were together the whole time watching the kids. My idea was she wants company, conversation so if she’s not as physical/initiating as I want I’ll remove that. After about a day she says I want to help stop you freezing me out, which I said maybe we can schedule to talk in a few days. She made the effort that night and I felt better (which I shouldn’t base my feelings on).

Before marriage if a girl wasn’t into me, no worries onto the next. I’ve been chasing her too much, need to let her make the effort.

Few days back we went to a local river spot on a weekday. Of the 20 people there, half were late teens and college girls in thongs. I Dngaf and have fun with kids in water, she makes comment when we leave about so much skin. Later that night sex was quality, and I felt the most outcome independence ever. Now that I know, I can tell what it should be and feel like not caring if initiations don’t work out.

I feel I’m getting away sex for emotional validation. The thirst and anticipation is almost gone. But that has removed a lot of excitement and while I don’t think the focus/obsession was healthy, it’s different now.

OYS 36

30y, height: 186cm, waist: 81cm, neck: 38cm, 82.3kg, navy: 12%. wife 26 married 1 year, together 5 years. 0 kids.

Lifts (5 reps Current/Past best): Squat: 85/95kg, DL: 90/110kg, BP: 60/65kg, OHP: 37.5/47.5kg, Rows: 55/60kg

Background

Believed that all I would want from life is to find a wife and have a family. Everything I had done before RP was to find someone to love me and to prove myself to others. Since I have found RP, no longer believe that having children is my priority and that I had wanted them for the wrong reasons. I am currently grinding within a marriage to reach an abundance and outcome independence mindset. I want to live a life of financial, physical and mental freedom and I expect to eventually need to kill the puppy.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Power of Now, Sex God Method

Currently reading: The Way of Men

Physical

Been cutting since the start of June at a weight of 87kg and 16% BF. Cut down to 12% by Navy method which was my goal for the 14th of August. Met the goal which I’m happy about. 12% Navy method isn’t skinny enough to get really visible abs yet, at least not at my current strength levels. Now that I’m back at the gym, I’m going to switch back to maintenance and eventually start my bulk. IF’d 6 times this week and plan to reduce this down to 4 times per week to correspond to the days I go to the gym. Where possible, I will gym in a fasted state, and get maintenance calories in during my eating window.

Went to the gym 4 times as usual. Did a lot of research about which lifting program to run. Had intended to do 5/3/1 but it isn’t quite the best fit since the progression is slow and I’m not lifting heavy weights. Decided to go with GZCLP which will still give me a linear progression. My goal by the end of the year is to be able to DL 140kg, squat 120kg and bench 90kg for at least 3 reps putting me at intermediate lifts.

Started using cialis and it is somewhat of a game changer. Tried to focus mostly on immersion and enjoying myself rather than dominance. In the end, there was some trace amounts of blood that leaked out of her pussy with my cum so I felt more confident and dominant.

Finance/Career

Put down the remaining £1,000 lump sum into the investment index. Paid the initial payment for a trip to the Maldives in December which is effectively our delayed honeymoon. Boss is still away and I stepped up to fill a gap for coordinating the team’s holidays for next month.

Mental

Got a major gut check after my OYS last week. I have been doing OYS for a while and was fine going at my own pace. My strength is that I’ll stubbornly keep at it. That doesn’t mean that I can keep writing trash as it will affect my mindsets and continue to mean that I don’t own my shit. I write about things that are outside of my frame. By writing about it, I consider it important even though it’s outside of my control. It’s slowing me down from owning my own shit and focusing on what I can improve. I’ll be focusing more on the macro level and my mental models rather than writing long paragraphs about individual shit tests. That can be left for my journal.

I also reflected upon the amount of time I spend reading other OYS posts. I probably spend 10 hours a week reading every post weekly. This rationalises to me that I’m doing something even though I’m really not. Everyone’s story is pretty much the same and I’d learn a lot more by rereading the sidebar. I also do have the problem that I’ll over-intellectualise things and read too much, rather than acting. I’ll be reducing how I spend my reading time so that I have more time to actually own my own shit.

I got quite a few shitty comfort tests this week which I’m not used to. I identified them as such due to the content but the fact that there was plenty of “you”s and finger pointing. i.e. “you don’t love me anymore”. I don’t get shitty comfort tests as often so my attempt to AM past them was average at best. I was sort of worn down over a few days as well. In what I thought was a rational discussion, I did too much explaining before I realised it was yet another shit test. I gave my wife enough information for her to attack off and I ended up DEERing. I was able to reset and keep some of my frame at least by refusing to apologise for what I said or my actions.

Contacted a divorce lawyer to better understand my situation. Being young and without children puts me in a pretty great spot where financially, it would be a relatively clean break and only a few thousand in cost. I put this in mental though as going through with a divorce has always been more of an emotional challenge to me. I’m ready to write off all my money as a sunk cost since I don’t have that much savings anyway. But the emotional aspect is where I struggle as I tell myself that I’ll feel guilty. Not planning to get divorced yet anyway and just wanted to understand the process logistically. I felt anxious before speaking to the lawyer (guilt again), but once I got into the discussion it was interesting to understand where I stood.

I have been thinking upon my mission. I wrote a really long post about why I came to this mission but mostly it’s for me. I’ll post it in my personal page as a reminder. The short of it is that I believe masculinity and men are suffering. I want to play a role in the manosphere because I think it’s important to not feel ashamed of masculinity. I’m not sure how yet, as my main focus is still unfucking myself, but I’ll keep an eye out for opportunities or inspiration to work towards my mission.

Mission - Cut out the bullshit and bring more truth to the world.

OYS #14, OYS #13, OYS #12, OYS #11, OYS #10, OYS #9, OYS #8, OYS #7, OYS #6, OYS #5, OYS #4, OYS #3, OYS #2, OYS #1, OYS #0

Stats: 51 yo, 71kgs, 13.4%BF (Marine method); Squat: 80kgs, OhP: 45kgs (5x3), Bp: 52.5kgs 57.5kg, Row: 60kgs 67.5kgs, DL: 95kgs (1x3)

Have read: NMMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steele's guide, MAP by Athol Kay, WISNIFG.

Currently reading: Watching the NMMNG videos put out by u/RStonePT Watching the WISNIFG videos put out by u/RStonePT. Once I'm done with the u/RStonePT videos I'm going to go back and read both WISNIFG and NMMNG again.

Been reading much of the OYS threads. I wouldn't call it entertaining reading, but I learn a lot from it. Some I can relate to ... some not so much. Helpful though.

Mission: “One day at a time ... better today than I was yesterday, stronger tomorrow than I am today”.

General It's been 1 weeks since I last posted on OYS.

I totally forgot that I need to do OYS today. Thought I had an extra 90 to spare in my day so I went to the gym. I'm posting late but I don't regret the decision.

Physical I had a setback this week. When I was down in a squat I let the weight of the bar drift too far forward. When I came up I lost control of the bar, I compromised my form, and using my lower back muscles to control it. I pulled a muscle. So, I've spend the last week avoiding squats. The other exercises haven't impacted my lower back, so I'm still making progress in those .... just not the squats.

Today was the first time in about a week that I tried squats with a lighter weight and everything worked well. I ended up doing 5x5@60kgs which is down on what I was doing previously. I'm going to keep it light for the next week. If everything looks good, I'll then start loading back up.

Will spend some time next week looking at the GZCL material suggests by u/RedBackedBadger

MAP and Relationships Had a few conversations with other days this week. Also spoke with 2 randoms. I don't really have any problems starting conversations and chatting with people. I'm quite comfortable and I'm happy to talk about all sorts of shit. But like a Nice Guy, I can talk to a beautiful woman all evening and at the end of it she won't know that I've got a dick. This is something I'd need to change.

Been sleeping much better this last week. I have limited my consumption of MRP related videos to 1 a day, and I'm pacing myself with the background reading material. My wetware wiring is starting to change and I'm looking at the world differently. I had a discussion with the wife about the family finances. We're still in a good position but we don't have any extra to throw around. She wanted to do a weekend away family holiday at the end of next month and the conversation went something like:

Me: We can't afford it.

And then the testing ramped up.

Her: What do you mean we can't afford it? Me: It's not in the budget, we can't afford it. (Broken record) Her: But it's just a couple of nights away. Me: Yes, and I'm sure it would be wonderful. But we can't afford it.

She walked away, and came back about 30 minutes later.

Her: That conversation made me feel like a child. Me: I can understand you would feel like that. (Negative assertion). Her: Well, I just wanted to talk about that.

The conversation wasn't that clean, and I've got a lot more to assimilate before it become natural.

Work The general business environment continues to improved somewhat. I didn't get part 4/4 of the hail mary plan implemented after struggling with the production problems from part 3. These problems needed to be sorted out, so rather push more crap into production I decided to go back and clean up my shit.

I've decided to only ever have 3 goals at any one time. Here's what's on my list for the next week.

• Keep working on alternative career path ... Part 4/4. Not done.

• Kino the wife, and start a conversation with 2 randoms during the week. Rinse and repeat.

• Start planning next steps for after 5x5: Research PPL. Research GZCL.

OYS#8

8th OYS.

43yo 5'10'' 162lbs 17.6% BF, married, together 25 years, kids 2

Bathroom scale: 17.6%

Strongur.io: 15.1%

Navy: 14.2

Jackson Pollock 4-point: 11.6%

Best thing I ever did for my fat loss was buy calipers.

Read:

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, TDBF, HTWFAIP, PFP, Pook, TRM, 48LOP, AOS.

Reading:

ZEN and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

Health/Physical:

Diet: Keto

Stronglifts 5x5: SQ: (200) 182lbs, BP: 145lbs, BR: 138lbs, OHP: (100) 94lbs: DL: 237lbs

Deloaded OHP and squats.

Goal: Weight 165lbs at or below 15% BF by end of September. Staying with the scales measurement at least until then.

Mental:

Long term: Develop a frame.

I think I'm coming along here. I mostly don't care what she thinks of me and my actions and don't modify my behaviour based on her mood and objections.

Short term: STFU on shit tests, DNGAF on rejections.

Defend less. Excuse less. Still Explain too much. Rationalize - probably do, at least to myself.

Relationship:

My changes have been noticed. As I dressed the other day, my wife asked me to take the shirt off again and then she commented that the exercise really shows and asked if I was going for a "swimmer body". This has not translated into anything more though. Not a glance, touch or comment since.

Sex:

Been five weeks.

No change here. Still not living up to my goals.

&#x200B;

As I was going into the shower, I asked if she would join me.

- "Why would I do that?"

- "Because you're dirty."

All I got was a dirty look.

&#x200B;

Goal: Kino several times a day. Initiate a few times a week.

Social:

Hosted a bbq saturday. Everyone enjoyed it.

Shall reach out and see if any old friend is up for some after work beers in the next week.

Background

Age: 36. Married to wife (35) for over 9 years; together for 11. One 3yo daughter. Physical I'm 5"11", 72Kg/158lbs (down from 73Kg). 17% bodyfat Navy method (my scales are just plain wrong in their calcs). Stats (Stronglifts 5x5): B 50 kg (up from 47.5), OHP 35 kg (had to deload after some failures), DL 80 kg, SQ 75 kg (up from 65), ROW 57.5 kg (up from 52.5). In addition, I do bicep curls, core work, press-ups and pullups three times per week.

I have persevered with lifting at home using the Stronglifts 5x5 programme. I still get niggles with my shoulder so am being careful. Lifting is such an important part of my life and I'd feel utterly shit if I had to stop, so I need to ensure I do not get injured. I'm monitoring the Stronglifts5x5 reddit group for tips and to see form of other folks.

Reading

Sex Starved Marriage, NMMNG, Way of the Superior Man, MMSLP and now SGM (not had chance to implement, mind) Again, just a beginning.

Work

Work is intense. I am organised, busy and achieving. Not much to report. I got handed a load more responsibility for no extra money, which, in this economic climate, I'm choosing to interpret as they won't make me redundant. That sounds weak, but it is a realistic measure of things. I need to achieve on one aspect of my job and then I can pitch for promotion.

Marriage

Pregnant wife still has no libido. Feels sick, achey etc. Fair enough - she needs to want to fuck me not have me harass her. I'm fun, I try it on every now and then, but I'm maintaining OI and laugh it off when she apologises for feeling like crap. Back to lifting.

We've had a couple of minor issues with baby planning. A lot of assumptions are being made by my wife about how we're going to to do things. I laid it out that she does not get to unilaterally decide this. I got totally bitched last time around in the early says (correction: I allowed myself to get totally bitched) and I will not allow this to happen again. My plan this time is to be more organised about occupying the diary with family things I want to do, so I don't just get led around to things I don't want to do. Last time I was bitter, bored, horny, needy, weak and fat. I refuse to be that man again.

In all honesty, I feel like I have a much better plan for handling my marriage (I am actually seizing control). I have comprehensively kicked the 'oneitis'. This is on one level liberating and on another level has a sadness. I rate my relationship in my head and am happy to continue based on future performance, much like an investment. I'm on a 40% right now because there is fuck-all sex and a lot of emotional effort, but I should get some long return. There is something calculating (literally) about looking at your pregnant wife and thinking "I could cut you adrift in the future". I'll give her a much better option with my more attractive body and persona. She gets first refusal, then I'm on my way.

There is a candidate for a plate, but I'm playing it cool for now. I still battle validation and need to crush that before I remotely consider fucking someone else. Now is not the time to make such a leap and whilst I have no problem treating sex as separate from love, i'm not going to do it with a pregnant wife. It's a real challenge though as the prospective plate is fucking hot and totally chilled.

Family

I'm still having a lot of fun being a Dad. She's a good kid and fun to be around. Clever, questioning and full of joy. There's a directness about 3yolds that I really respect. In many ways, they have totally got it right and us adults confuse things with manipulation. I think I'm going to work harder at being like a 3yo (but will try not to piss the bed).

Money

I've made some solid investment decisions and now just need to give the money space to grow.

Social

This is getting better. I'm meeting friends out and about and feel a bit more like a social human being. I went out for a meal and a drink with a friend last week and it felt really good - I could just be myself.

Mission

I will continually work on being the very best version of myself. I will be lead, think clearly about my goals, work hard to achieve those goals and apply genuine self-criticism if I fail to achieve them. I will make things happen; things will not just happen to me.

So, in summary, things are ok. I am improving and I feel like I can see my failures when they happen. I’m not having any sex right now, but I’m crushing the need for validation from it, so I trust that it will come back – there are genuine external factors.

2020-08-19 This is my thirteenth OYS

Mindset

In this last week I’ve been experiencing a lot of dissonance in my thoughts, whether it is on the relationship between my wife and I, or even my relationship with my employer and our broader society. It’s uncomfortable, and I vacillate between thoughts of radical disruption to my lifestyle and doubling down as a corporate warrior. I have no vision formed beyond improving my physical frame and behaviour, living my life more closely to my own interests, and providing a safe environment of growth for my kids.

Mould

Planned out a 2400 calorie per day meal plan, shopped for it and have kept to it since last OYS. Met Simple kettlebell goal routine at 16kg for three of four sessions. Maintained 5km/20min on rowing machine for three sessions. Didn’t get a hike in, though I tell myself that I want to maintain conditioning for back country hunting trips.

Man

Completed my fit out of my diy camping trailer and got my hunting kit sorted out. With a relationship re-established with a local landowner I’m planning for a two night recce trip for fallow deer next week.

Minions

Shrinking technology boundaries week by week is seeing some results with increased activity with the kids, more exercise, outdoor play and social games in the evening. Had a great day out in the bush fossicking and was impressed by the amount of physical work the kids got into simply from showing some enthusiasm and gusto.

Marriage

I don’t know about things at the moment, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster week by week. It’s not really a lack of sex that gets me thinking as much as the level of participation and contribution throughout the day. I guess this either turns around as I establish frame and lead, or it doesn’t. Perhaps I am not providing comfort well enough which contributes to the flight/escapist behaviour. Being more fun around the house, less of a boring fuck.

OYS #1

47; 5'9"; 177lbs; 13% BF; Bench 215x5; Squat 285x5; DL 375x5; OHP 140x5

Married 25 yrs/ 3 boys

Background

stumbled on the Redpill a couple months ago, and it blew my mind. I was really angry for a while at my wife and women because it explained so much about the direction of our relationship. Then the anger turned inward. How could I let this happen? I've been a pussy with minimal leadership.

It makes me really sad for my boys, because two are old 19 & 21 and I just think about the crap I modeled to them. The bright spot is that I have been very present for them, and they've gone to all boy schools and were all involved in Scouting that shored up my inadequacies.

Physical

I'm good here. COVID has been great. I'm lucky because I have a home gym. Diet could be better, but I step on the scales and tape measure everyday and adjust as necessary. Another 5 lb drop would be good.

&#x200B;

Relationship

right now STFU and developing frame. It's made a difference, but got a long way to go. Read Rational Male. Just finished NMMNG. Going back and working through the Break out questions. The journaling from this has been really helpful.

Spent most of my marriage walking on egg-shells. Now facing my own anxiety about her moods and behaviors. Have avoided conflicts in the past, and dealing with that.

Finances

This is the biggest pain point that is a symptom of my leadership. I have a well paying job and a decent side hustle, but a lot of debt.

I have never managed the finances and this has to change.

I'll be honest, and I don't even know where to start. This week, I am putting together a budget and sitting down with my wife and going through debt, expenses, and income.

I hate money management, and in my family growing up, my mom did the accounting and bills and just thought that was the way it should work. This is going to change

Actions

One of my good friends discovered the RedPill when I did. This has been a great source of accountability for both of us. We are meeting weekly, opening up, and making action plans.

This week: start getting a handle on finances

OYS #1

Stats

Age: Early 30s Height: 5’11” Weight: 165 Body Fat: 23% (navy) Wife: late 20s Married 2 years Kids: Newborn

Discovered Family Alpha (no longer updated) at the beginning of the year after a google search, then TRP (wasn’t for me) and finally the MRP in May.

Reading

WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP

Background

After doing the above readings and the sidebar I was feeling overwhelmed. There is a lot of information and I was focusing on too much. I have since narrowed it down to the below items. I want to make it simple to start with.

Fitness & Health

Gyms are closed in my area, so I bought some dumbbells and started lifting at home. Getting up before work to do this.

Half pack a day smoker for the last 15 years.

Mental

This is my biggest problem area and the reason that I started looking for a change. I am a know it all. This manifests in one of two ways. The first is that I get angry if someone disagrees with me or tells me I am wrong. In NMMNG it said that it is Ok to be wrong and it was something of an aha moment for me. I am working on controlling my temper and not letting others draw me into their frame.

The second is that I offer advice. Constantly. You can say ‘I ran 5 miles today’ and I will say ‘you know if you do xyz then you will be able to run faster’. It is annoying for the individual and it is annoying for me. This is the thing that I want to fix the most. I need to only offer advice if it is asked for and actually listen to what someone is saying instead of thinking about what I can say about myself. I need to Shut The Fuck Up.

Recently I have done better with this, but I still fail at least once or twice a day. After the fact I think back and say ‘shut the fuck up you pussy’. Baby steps I guess, but it still feels like failure.

Goals:

Lift weights 4x a week

Quit smoking – Quit day is set for Friday after work. I have attempted a few times before and failed. Longest was 6 months.

Mental – Keep improving on not being a know it all.

Dear Diary -

My best friend of over 20 years gets out of a VA Hospital this Friday where he went to get help on his ongoing PTSD issues from multiple tours and engagements in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was engaged in action more times than any human should.

He went in to get help for himself. He has been able to keep in touch with the outside world and even work a little while he is in there. We talk daily via text and have gay FaceTime sex at least once a week.

It was nothing like when I went in for my Xanax rehab and detox.

He went in to better himself 7 weeks ago.

He knew from the day he went in, that I am coming half way across the country to pick his ass up and be there for him this weekend.

I have male friends that are cornerstones to my life.

I have spoke about it from time to time.

How many friends do you have that would travel 1/2 across America to come get you?

How many friends would you travel for?

How many friends do you have that are trying to make themselves better?

Are you even trying to make yourself better?

Or are you just crying?

OYS 23

Me: 30. Wife: 34. Together 5, married 3. Stepson:11. My son: 3 months.

Physical: Squat 225x5, DL: 315x5, Bench: 215x5. 6’1 194. ~12% bf. Still gaining solid weight, not gaining much bf.

Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP, side bar.

In general last week was solid- but solid isn’t good enough, I want great.

I made some couch laptop desks for at home work or school and posted them on Facebook marketplace and social media’s. 12 people placed orders, but only 3 showed up. That’s the beauty of the internet. I was able to cover the cost of materials, so that’s good, but still slightly disheartening as I spent ~25 hrs this weekend working on them. I’m not bitching though because it’s what I genuinely enjoy. Just jamming out to some music in the garage with my dog as I “work” on a hobby. Still, I’m trying to make money off of this hobby, so I need to work on converting sales.

My wife has still been comfort testing me big time. I’m still Rambo-ing on being the oak. I’m too “man” in the sense of if you don’t want to hear a solution to a problem, I don’t want to hear your complaining. I know I need to be softer with her- let her grow into the woman she was before I went beta. Last night she openly said “me and the baby don’t like when you’re in the garage all day all the time, when I come home from work, you go straight in there.” I realize that stopping and spending 5 minutes with her can go a long way, so I’ll start doing this.

Which leads me into sex last night. Realizing she needs attention, I escalated and cavemanned her last night. I’m fairly sure she was crying afterward- again probably because cavemanning wasn’t the right thing at that time, she wanted comfort and affection. I struggled in my mind because I enjoyed it, and really that’s all that matters.

Comfort fuck head. Don’t be a robot. This is the third week I’ve been bitching about this.

Work: my manager told me that our director talked to the VP about my promotion and she approved it, so basically it goes to the COO for approval and HR for compensation. Should be happening soon.

From last week: “Goals this week will be to officially launch my website, schedule a concealed carry course and find ways to get out and be social. All align with my 6mo focus of financial freedom, safety and overall mental health.”

I didn’t launch a website since I’m only selling local right now, but I posted on FB marketplace and created an Instagram for the business. I will launch the my website next week after I see all of these desks and start making pieces to ship. Saturday night we went to a friend’s house for the UFC fights and stayed out late. Saw two of my good buddies who live out of town. Caught one of the wives keep staring at me. Lastly, the more I read, the less I want to get my concealed carry license. 1. If I shoot someone, the legal battles will be hell. 2. The government will 100% know that I carry- and with a possibly democratic leadership, that could be scary. 3. I might be coping for insecurities in my own physical capabilities by carrying a gun. I’ve never been in a fight, so maybe spending money on BJJ classes would be more worth my time, and better for my confidence and physical abilities.

Goals for this week: recognize and provide comfort. Sell all of the desks I made. Look into BJJ classes. Create a new project at program at work since the last two I wrapped up last week.

[deleted]

OYS # 29

33, 5’7, 173 lbs, 18% BF US Navy Method

Re-read NMMNG and finally acknowledged a major validation-seeking behaviour. I can track it back to being a child when I was validated for speaking a certain way. Appearing to know more than others. Speaking above and beyond them. In adulthood, I overcompensated and failed to communicate properly. This has held me back and made itself prevalent during a recent job interview. The hiring manager provided some feedback and I realized that people have been trying to tell me the same thing for years, I’ve just ignored the statements as exceptions. Still working on killing the nice guy.

Lost frame once this week when I got in an argument with an abrasive barber. Posted a shitty review on google. Failed at enforcing a boundary prior to things escalating and me getting in to an argument. Noticed since being back in the gym, I've been restless and over charged. Aggressive. Weirdly, I knew this experience was going to turn out negatively before I went in. I need to listen to my instincts more.

Better week at the gym. I’m back to benching 265, jumping about 20 pounds from the week prior, after 5 months off of heavy lifting. My shoulder press 2 weeks ago was barely 135, i was able to push through to 155. Progress continues as my strength returns.

Nutrition-wise, I’m still constricting my daily calories to about 1500kcals. Body fat went down to about 18%. Plan is to hit 170lbs at 15% body fat. Protein is high and I should add more fibre.

Met a financial benchmark this past week that I’m happy about. Will now focus on getting rid of some cc debt I’ve let linger for too long.

As previously mentioned, my company decided to go with another candidate. But I gained more insight than if I hadn’t attempted it. For me, it’s a win-win. Looking for a new job, better pay. Failed to send any resumes, will focus on that this week.

OYS 12

38 yo, 5’5(1,7m), 136lbs(62kg), married 6, together 10, kids 5 & 7Been banned for 2 weeks. Been reviewing redpill basics in the meantime. Also, I am feeling slightly better.

Physical

Due to my injury, my workout 3 times a week is:

• Wall sit exercise 3/4min
• 5 sets of push up isometric for 2 minutes
• Dips 5*1min
• superman 5*1min

My body look like a lightweight swimmer in the morning but with a small belly in the evening after meal:) .

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Reading/Learning

I have read many redpill books in the past and sidebar. Somehow you tend to get into your old bad habits after a while when you lose touch with basics. Due to how I was raised I always believe a wife should do housework, cooking, and so on. Due to this, my wife is time to time nagging about this and thinks I am like a child.Recently I listened to podcasts and a summary of "Extreme ownership" from "Jocko Willink". One stuff he said in a way chocked me : "do the washing up if you want it to be done instead of ordering your wife to do it". For few years, It has been my approach to order my wife around but it is not a very successful approach recently. Few years ago, she seems to be aroused by being ordered around but less so now. Did I become less alpha?So last week I decided to do more housework in the house only when it disturbed me and only for me. She praised me for it which annoys me. I feel kind of like a beta male when I am doing it. Even when I am doing for myself. I keep thinking my dad would never have done this shit. Why am I doing this? To sum up I have an internal conflict about what a man should or should not do.

Been doing frame exercises that I read somewhere in this forum.Basically, I told myself to be in good mood for the night out with extended family. I did enjoy my time and even when my brother in law taunted me I just got along with it and taunted him back. Had a great time.Read about fogging and negative inquiry techniques to manage the wife's nagging.

Work

Been reading about marketing and saas product. Found an idea to implement when I have time. Continue my day-job as normal.

Kids

My younger son has been pushed to the ground by the neighbor's older boy. My younger boy tends to taunts random people in the street. This older boy did not like the taunt and push him to the ground. I told my son to not taunt random people or neighbors. But it is not an excuse for this bully to push my son!Also, I would like to talk to parents' neighbor to assess the situation and stop this to continue. This older boy has a history with my son. For the moment I am trying to check what my son is doing in the street but it is time-consuming. I need to let him go on his own in the street because he wants to go out so much (he is 5). Hard to find a solution to this issue.

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Goals

- Apply frame exercises for short period ( evening, morning).

- Use more fogging and negative inquiry

- Build my idea into an app

- Lead more the family by example

OYS #45

Skipped last week

Stats: 40 yo, height 186 cm, weight 85 kg, bodyfat 15% navy method, wife 39 yo, living together for 13 years, married for 9. Kids are 3 (girl) and 6 (boy).

Lifting stats (heaviest weight at the last workout): BP 85 kg x5, SQ 102.5 kg x8, DL 135 kg x6

Readings:

Sidebar books read: MMSLP, NMMNGx2, WISNIFG, RM, TWOTSM, MAP, Saving a low sex marriage, Bigger Leaner Stronger, Pook, SGM

Books read that are not on the sidebar: Bigger Leaner Stronger, Leangains, Kettlebell Simple and Sinister, The Quick and the Dead, Fuccfiles, Unfuck Yourself

Now reading: Day Bang, Personality Isn’t Permanent

Reading queue: 48LOP, Mystery Method, Models

Shit to own

Relationship: I felt very weird last Tuesday. I had slept for about 3 hours the previous night but for whatever reason wasn’t completely wasted during the day and felt horny as hell. I had a brief porn relapse too. We had the house to ourselves that evening and I cavemanned my wife right after taking a shower. Almost no foreplay except that I carried her from the living room to the bedroom and made her suck my dick. Much more dominant and rough sex than usual. I also managed to fuck her while standing up and holding her, which she enjoyed a lot. At some point I felt I would not last long so I sent her over the edge using dirty talk, then I came right after. She thanked me after that. We had sex once again the same evening though it was much more relaxed.

I am trying to unpack this. I think this illustrates how my wife reacts – AWALT – to a dominant man. I was not being my everyday nice guy self so she reacted to whoever I was at that moment. And reacting is the right word. Women’s sexuality is reactive, so when I get into a confident guy mode she reflects that back. Also, demonstrating strength is an effective form of foreplay.

So what is preventing me from being that guy every evening? Most often it’s the fear that I will not last long. Usually I cannot initiate without calculating whether it’s been too long since I last jerked off, or too soon. That gets me in my head and leads to shitty initiations, or none at all. That night I didn’t care. The trick is to not care, I understand that. Easier said than done.

Health: I guess the unusual Tuesday evening and the lack of sleep the night before was caused by the new therapy intended to treat my thyroid issue. Like I said last time, it’s a good start and I like the way I feel after the sessions.

Lifting: Hit a deadlift and squat PR, bench is going down for some reason. I have a new goal now: join the 1000-pound club in terms of demonstrated 1 RM. Should be doable, I need like 20% increase in strength or less. Bench press will be biggest challenge.

Reading: I’m reading Personality Isn’t Permanent by Ben Hardy and am trying to look at it from an RP perspective. The guy is obviously blue pilled but the content is useful. The core idea: what you call your personality is just the set of behaviors in your comfort zone and those can be changed with the right approach. This is very much in alignment with what Rollo writes in TRM about authenticity. When you change your behavior, you may not be congruent with your current ‘personality’, but you are congruent with the person you are about to become. This is why it’s important to have a big goal to chase. Not because of the goal itself but because pursuing that goal will allow you to change your usual set of behaviors and literally change your personality for the better. Very powerful stuff. I’m also doing an online mini course related to that. I follow the instructions in the course closely, the only thing I’m not doing is telling other people, especially my wife, about my goals, past traumas and such. This is what MRP is for.

Btw, Day Bang is going slow at \~75% on the Kindle. Yeah, I’m not doing anything with it.

Action items from last OYS:

- uncover and stop more placating behaviors – did that and I think I’m like 60% done with all conscious and unconscious placating shit

- take the lead and set the schedule now that the kids are with the grandparents – done, it was a fun week.

- look for more opportunities to talk to strangers and use the elderly chat – FAIL. There are no opportunities to chat up strangers at work and none at home either. I spend 90% of my time in one of those two places and the other 10% is in the car. This is pure DEERing, I get it. Talking to strangers is uncomfortable.

Action items for next week:

- Find a way to talk to strangers. Doesn’t have to be attractive girls, just strangers. Lines at the grocery store and cashiers will do

- Everything else I am doing anyway, I don’t need to commit to a bunch of online randos. But for talking to strangers, I do need that

Mission/ long-term stuff - revised

• In 6 months or less: join the 1000-pound club

• In the next 2-3 years: become a C-level executive in my current company or a better one. This will require me to improve my energy levels and charisma, get rid of nice guy behaviors, become an impatient and demanding boss for my direct reports and also be a leader at home. If I do all that it’s mission complete

• Help my kids grow confident and strong, so that they make the big life decisions driven by ambition as opposed to driven by fear

OYS 17-

35 yo, 6'2, 213lbs, 20% bodyfat, Married 8 years, together 13, 2 kids (2.5 and 8 weeks)

Lifts: SQ - 295 x5, PR - 130 x5, BP - 220 x5, DL - 335 x5.

Strained my back last week lifting. Took Friday off of heavy DL, SQ day and took a light squat session. Back at it this morning and feeling good. It is getting heavy for me.

STFU - A good week here. Finally beginning to learn how to STFU.

Mission - My mission is to live in congruence. To say what I mean and mean what I say.

Why am I here? To grow up and take responsibility. To learn to be attractive and not be unattractive. Still fits. Still fits. Still fits.

Reading - Read 30 bangs and listened to Pook this week. Now listening to Rational Male on audio, and reading MMSLP. 30 Bangs kind of came out of nowhere, but it was a short read. A little ahead of schedule, but it is a good primer for abundance mentality if anything. I like Roosh - If you haven't listened recently, I like the new Orthodox Christian Roosh living in his mom's basement even better.

In queue - Rational Male, MMSLP, PMO Hackbook, No Bad Kids, reread Subtle art of not giving a fuck

Read - WISNIFGx2, WOTSM, NMMNGx3, Pook, 30 Bangs, Sidebar, a million OYS

Nutrition - Still strong here. Probably about 2-3 outlying meals a week, and only one of them is a heavy splurge. The maintenance eating plus heavy lifting is tough. My body hurts. I have upped my protein and I am trying to keep eating healthy nutritious foods. I will need to hard cut at some point, but I am still gaining on lifts and it is difficult. I don't want to gain much more weight, but like the gains. Open to feedback here - when should I flip the switch?

Career - Still running down the timeline, and still doing good work here. We are humming along.

Family - Good here still. Had a couple of days over the weekend with my toddler. He is growing up and it is a lot of fun, but tiring. He really is a sweet kid, and it is nice to get to be there. My parents split up when I was about his age, and I had a pretty tough childhood with a dad that really wasn't around. He moved and we would go every other weekend to see him.

Even if I am willing to nuke my nuclear family I can still show up for my kids. No matter what.

Relationship - We have been getting some more sleep, and had sex for the first time since the new guy was born. It was nice.

Good feedback from Johney last week (and W&S). I don't need to worry right now about turning my wife into my personal fuck slut in the next 6 weeks. I need to be the oak and let her be a mom running on no sleep with an infant on her tit half the day.

It's not all about me.

I am grateful for this time to be able to run my MAP while she is otherwise occupied. Hopefully we'll have time soon for the personal fuck slut thing. That will be fun.

Myself/Spiritual - Congruence is the watch word. I am showing up with more boundaries and it is helping me get a lot more clear. I had a really powerful experience this week where I saw it all come together in a way this week.

Back to being a kid (been on my mind) - I really had no power and had to subordinate my feelings and wants to people around me. Even when I was right it didn't matter - I was powerless. Today that isn't the case. I am a grown adult, with an adult body, adult finances, and adult shit to do.

I am grateful to the little boy who looked out for me all these years - I know he got hurt and it is really sad that no one was there to help him. I know he would be proud and excited to see life turn out this way, and he'd be willing to trust that I can take care of that part of him.

I know that is all a pretty woo, and I feel sort of self conscious, but it's true..

So with all of that I am working to take that part of myself that was trying to regulate every word and action to make sure everyone woudl like me and use it for good. I don't need everyone to like me anymore - I just need to get my job done.

Social - Heading out of town with friends for the weekend - looking forward to it.

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This Week:

Congruence

Keep lifting - don't hurt myself

Follow work schedule

STFU