Why Your Failed Relationship is the Greatest Path to the Truth | TheRedPill

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Bigchief96

Posted 8y ago in Red Pill Theory - Permalink - Locked - 573 Views

Summary : Your girlfriend wasn't the solution to your problems . The break up can be the best thing that has ever happened to you if you take action.

We all went through tough times . Boy meets girl , it goes great for a while . They are in love . They have crazy sex . BUT then something changes . The girl pulls away . The boy starts doing crazy shit like gambling or drinking . He sits in his room all alone , thinking about what he has done wrong . He is a mess . Losing weight and losing his mind over a 120 pound creature . “She is going through a tough time , things will get better “ they say .Whether it does or doesn't , this has destroyed you . Hurt you physically and emotionally . Ring a bell ?

Yes , it hurts when someone does that to you but this isn't how a healthy normal man should react to a situation like this. If a real man doesn't react like this , then what is the real problem you ask .

The real problem was that she stopped giving the validation . You felt like the greatest man alive but only when she approved . You were unhappy when you were single , searching for something to fill the void . And you thought that your angel was the last piece to the puzzle . You were needy . You liked the attention . You liked feeling like you were the only person in the world . But deep down , you always felt as if you had to portray being a perfect man , when you were just manipulating her to get validation and sex .

Let me tell you one thing . You needed that failed shitty relationship , you needed that bad ending because otherwise you would have never searched for the real causes of your problems . You would have never realized that a women’s validation should mean nothing for a man . A strong man . And after all of this , you saw what you had to do . My top 10 things to ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND are :

Be emotionally stable
Avoid girls with mental issues
Never make her the center of your life
Never twist your schedule to fit her
Never be her busboy
Never pay for her stuff unless you want to
Never invest more in the relationship than she does
Never be in scarcity - she will flirt with other people (if she is attractive )
Never bow down to the shit tests .
Never lose frame

She is gone . Probably fucking someone in a club . She isn't coming back . Face the truth . Shift the focus away from women for once in your life and invest in the surest thing you can : YOURSELF . Do what you love . Be productive . Be creative . Dream big . Plan big . Act bigger . If you do all of this , I guarantee you will find more direction in your life and most important of all , YOU WILL BE FUCKING HAPPY .

Also guys , I just opened a new blog with a review section for supplements . I am looking for guest bloggers to contribute to the reviews . PM me or email me from the website . http://humanoidhamster.com/

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SkorchZang 8y ago

It's really a brilliant comment based on self-reflection as a labour of love. Puts into words a lot of the unspoken feeling that comes after the anger phase wears itself out.

TaroShake 8y ago

Man... I really needed this and you got this locked on about me. My ex cheated on me with my best friend last October (didn't work because she was an idiot and my friend was loyal) and to this day, I still feel absolutely shit. Her actions and suddenly stopped loving me destroyed me more than I could handle. I defined myself as her and I, as a couple willing to tackle on problems together.... until her betrayal. Despite us not being together anymore, I can't seem to move on because I needed her validation to become better... I know it's beta clustered, but dating her masked all my insecurities and as a result I felt like the most happiness guy ever because I thought I got most of my insecurities resolved.

Truth is... she was just a mask to mask by insecurity. For the past months I felt like I was living in limbo and hated anything that related to her. I hated the weather today because it was warm and sunny and it was her birthday so she must be fucking some other guy right now. I hated myself so much that I went to a downward spiral doing things that were toxic.

I miss her because she validated me to become better but now I'm all alone and it's hard to find ways to validate myself. And to be honest, I've work in an environment with lots of women and damnit do they gossip and talk shit about each other and treat their boyfriend as busboy or whatever. I've grown really tired of this and has probably warp my mind into thinking that they are horrible creatures. Probably don't see how this is probably the best thing that has happened to me. However what you said relates to me so much on a personal level.

Geckobird 8y ago

You're deep in the anger phase. Utilize this by grinding hard in the gym, go monk mode, and don't focus on girls for a while.

_the_shape_ 8y ago

Probably don't see how this is probably the best thing that has happened to me

It is the best thing that has happened to you, but only depending on what you do with this kind of information from here on out. In other words, the breakup alone won't 'save' you, as you can easily slip back into the same beta-tendencies, thinking to yourself: "the template is right (i.e. what we would refer to as acting like a "beta bitch"), but the girl was wrong, therefore all I need to do is continue behaving the same way but with a different girl).

I too was ripped apart psychologically by a girl (like many of us here) almost two years ago now, and it took me a long time to get my head right, but I did eventually, and after a wealth of time devoted to thinking the problem(s) through and through, constantly pondering why it went wrong, and how to begin picking myself up again, I've arrived at the (tentative?) conclusion that it is crucial that you commence by first becoming aware of your thought patterns - lifting, eating right, dressing well, career path, socializing, all of that is very high importance, yes, but all of that can crumble in an instant if it is not held up by a strong mind, and you begin to construct one by realizing that the 'staff' you presently have on payroll isn't just failing to get the job done, but actively sabotaging the workplace - that is, your mind! Time to clean house!!!

The great news is that you can do both at the same time - work on what can be taken care of physically (the lifting, watching what you eat, how you talk to others etc.), and the mental aspect of your self-improvement. Begin first by simply drawing attention to what sort of thoughts are floating around in your head (likely negative, possibly even spiteful, and of the self-loathing variety if you are still reeling). All this is what you are (presently) telling yourself. Your self-talk has to change entirely if you want to become a new and improved man (i.e. stronger). I'll argue that this is how what you went through is "probably the best thing to have happened to you" - it first drew your attention to a glaring variety of personal deficiencies, and then taught you to how slowly and painstakingly fix them, in particular, how you view women, how you view the world, and how you view yourself.

Let hate, bitterness, resentment, contempt run through you. Observe those emotions within you. Begin by telling yourself that you don't want them any longer. I can tell you from experience, sentiments like "that fucking cunt, I hope she gets hers" are completely useless, even counter-productive to the point of turning toxic, in the grand scheme of rearranging and elevating yourself. Let all of that go. Trust that your experience(s) will serve to make you more resilient and a better person overall. Learn how to calm down - mentally especially, I mean, and you achieve this by looking at your thoughts like a bunch of rowdy children and you, the stoic, immovable teacher who controls whether or not they will leave on time, and leave they won't until they shut the fuck up, but you run this show, not them. Start there, with your thoughts. Easy? Not at all, nope, I'll admit, it is very difficult to redesign your worldview when you have layers and decades of material and traumatic experiences to revise and see another way, but very rewarding and your path to redemption.

"As you think, so you shall become" -Bruce Lee

Alphaspire 8y ago

My ex cheated on me with my best friend last October (didn't work because she was an idiot and my friend was loyal)

What do you mean, she tried to cheat, or she did cheat and he ratted her out?

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[deleted] 8y ago

She didn't stop loving you, she never loved you.

Stythe 8y ago

To be fair, if he dealt with it as he did, he didn't love himself either and by extension didn't love her. That said, he needs to just let his insecurities out. Look at them for what they are and start bettering himself. It's the only way out of his current mindset. Pick up your sticks, bro.

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J_AsapGem 8y ago

she love the way u made her feel, it's all about the moment, that's a hard truth i had to swallow

cleftscout 8y ago

The realization of this almost two years ago is what changed my life. It took a long time to accept it, but now I'm achieving everything I saw as beyond my grasp. I can relish in my accomplishments because they're mine, only mine, even if they're fueled by her. I really appreciate her for fucking me over, there was no other way to learn.

heatyourpipe 8y ago

THAT realization is a love hate lol..

My girl now will look me deep in my eyes and tell me she loves me. And, I almost, want to believe her.

Then in my mind, I finish off her sentence, "You love me, right now" or "You love the way I make you feel."

I'm glad I'm aware, but at the same time it sucks. I want true unconditional love. I'll never get it from a woman.

cleftscout 8y ago

Having the knowledge is good, but don't let that stop you from living in the moment, it will suck everything out of you. I let myself buy into it during the day and reflect upon it later.

I don't for see myself pursuing a true LTR at this point in my life, but I won't let it stop me from convincing myself that I can feel for another person. She tells me she loves me and I let myself feel however my emotions want and consult my brain later.

Many will give advice, take it into consideration and determine if that's how you want to live, if it is, work your ass off to make it your reality. If it's not, keep searching for what you want.

[deleted] 8y ago

Thats just how women are man. Thats life. Stop thirsting for love, love yourself. As I said, compassion is both a strenghth and weakness for men. A weakness with women, a strength with other men.

[deleted] 8y ago

I sincerely believe no woman can ever truly love a man. RedPill says a woman can love just not unconditionally. I push it even further and say their "love" is fraud and they can't love at all.

[deleted] 8y ago

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Zagiggity 8y ago

Pay close attention to the moments she tells you she loves you. Those are usually emotionally hyped moments for both of you. "Special" moments if you will.

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[deleted] 8y ago

RP philosophy on it: when they say the love you,they mean it, but only "right now", at the exact moment they say it

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cleftscout 8y ago

I'm right there with you. I think it's just something that comes and goes for everyone. There is no unconditional love for anyone, but some will let it drag out longer than others.

[deleted] 8y ago

I don't think any man should believe in love. Its just silly & comical. If a man tells me "I love her", I think "this poor fool".

cleftscout 8y ago

I'd go out on a limb to say that it's out there, but everyone has their own meaning to it that can change at any time.

[deleted] 8y ago

I do not believe in romantic love. It is just a chemical that compels animals to breed, thats it.

[deleted] 8y ago

everything is "just a chemical" you retard

cleftscout 8y ago

So you don't believe in any feeling or motivation? Or do you pick and choose which are real?

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jibjibflutterhousen 8y ago

Normal "this hit the nail on the head" banter. Being honest with myself and everybody on here: I came here after a break up. I've internalized a lot of the mantras talked about here. So to all of the philosophers here; thank you.

[deleted] 8y ago

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[deleted] 8y ago

or a dead bedroom. "nah, I'll pass" from someone who chose to marry you hits pretty hard.

It's like we broke up, but we still own a house together and share assets.

jb_trp 8y ago

How long have you been in a dead bedroom?

[deleted] 8y ago

since marriage, basically. So 5 years. We used to get physical every time we were together, even did it in the back of my car in broad daylight a few times. Nothing too kinky but very passionate. After the wedding, it stopped being "our" sex-life. She dropped off ownership/enthusiasm/passion and started being nagful and really anxious about household chores--even though she hasn't worked full time since the wedding and we have a small, low-maintenance place. I've also become a chore for her.

At best, it's twice a week. Usually twice a month. Except for when we were trying for a baby. Then she was into it and it was fun again. Once she got pregnant, rare. I've had sex maybe 12 times in the last year. Obviously there's a lot going on with the female anatomy when having a baby but even considering that... its become obvious that she sees me as a sperm donor and check writer.

2 months ago I found RP after 6 months straight of no sex. At my wits end. All the discussions we had over the years went nowhere (in RP terms: You can't negotiate attraction). Finally we had a discussion a few months ago in which she suggested we split up. I almost took her up on the offer, but we had a newborn so I cut her a little slack and told her that wasn't the IDEAL solution for me. That really drove home to me the point that her love is definitely conditional, regardless of her marriage vows.

Since then, reading, lifting, hobbies, parenting and keeping my mouth shut. Last night, a big blowout about how I'm not meeting her emotional needs. She had trouble seeing the irony. I (calm and matter-of-factly) told her about the irony. In retrospect I should've laughed playfully. Later I did tease her a bit about it.

Sorry to dump on you, man. I appreciate the concern and have nobody to talk to in my life about this. I'm just really fucked up over this and trying to get my head on straight lately, which makes it that much harder to hold frame. I've never been one to subscribe to ONE-itis, but I would prefer to have a good relationship with my baby-mama for logistics reasons.

The thing that really gets me: I'm personable, attractive, compassionate, well-hung, good in the sack (she always orgasms first), good around the house, independently wealthy, active, and successful in my job. It seems none of that matters because I'm 1) not muscular and 2) Blue Pill. This is infuriating. I am a considerable catch. WTF

[deleted] 8y ago

1) get buff 2) stop being compassionate towards women. Most dont appreciate it and it makes you look weak. Unless its compassion from a place of power, but even then it can make you look weak, 3) Read as much rp as possible. Stop being blue pill.

SkorchZang 8y ago

I am a considerable catch. WTF

No doubt about that - and that's exactly why you're in this situation. She caught you.

Every girl needs her alpha fux, and her beta bux. You're the latter for your wife, and are an excellent catch indeed. Team girl is winning all the way, so far.

I think you're going to vastly improve your sex-life if you consider adopting the RP mantra that "in life, you don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate". To a blue piller that might seem like a complete contradiction next to "you cannot negotiate attraction", but they really go hand in hand. There is no "deserve" with women, deserve got nothing to do with anything. You need a strong hand. You need to take what you want by means other than "deserving" it.

On a less philosophical note, you might especially enjoy a cult classic PDF from TRP called "The Sex God Method", on the practical topic of how to fuck a woman right, so that she can't help but want it with you.

Leaving you with an old joke:

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

A: They actually, bless their hearts, believe we give a shit.

If you "actually give a shit" yourself, you may find that Sex God pamphlet very useful for the purposes of exploring different ways of thinking. Because her alpha-fux never did, and sex with a man who gives a shit is always a chore.

[deleted] 8y ago

you get what you negotiate

Alright... but do I take this literally and verbally negotiate with her regarding sex? I thought you couldn't negotiate attraction?

Obviously I don't "just get it", I'm probably thinking about this all wrong.

SkorchZang 8y ago

Forgive me for the cryptic TRP shorthand in the message.

No, it's pointless trying to negotiate with her for more sex verbally. The "what you negotiate" mantra is perhaps being a little too nice, it's nice wording for a concept that really means "you take what you want, no one will just give it up".

In more primitive times, you would likely take it by force. Today, that option is foreclosed but that manly way of thinking is what STILL excites the women.

The book I mentioned before, it'll do a good job painting you a detailed picture of what male dominance can look like in a modern relationship with a woman. It's very nuanced and psychological, almost an art. Have no fear, it's not one of those "work her clitoris in a triple figure of 8 pattern" useless type books.

SubbaHubba 8y ago

Research the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the Borderline Personality Disorder.

These run on a spectrum. So even if you aren't a fragile narcissist and she wasn't a Spawn of Satan, studying the nuances of these Cluster B personality disorders will help you understand what the fuck happened.

EnlightenedViking 8y ago

I agree but it's also a dark rabbit hole .

Read over it and learn, but over-analyses will lead to paralysis and you'll find yourself not moving on. You'll get in a wired feedback loop asking yourself "was she reeeaally a cluster B?"

Yeah she was - now use this information to pump and dump next time.

In the butt

Bigchief96 8y ago

I dated a BPD girl . Was unbearable , sucked out my life energy but also made me an expert in seeing the signals ...

bobbobbitybob 8y ago

And I want to just add, that you should take care of one person that is the most important - you. And be selfish, start taking care of yourself and your needs, as you are the only person on this world that is supposed to take care of them. Not other people, especially girls. Stay strong.

Bigchief96 8y ago

Yeah , they market being selfish as something bad . The greatest people in history were some of the most selfish people in the world and that is why they succeeded .

[deleted] 8y ago

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Bigchief96 8y ago

You are here so we know who the real MVP is :)

AnInstant 8y ago

True, it was eye opener for me too. My longest LTR with, i thought, good girl ended miserably after she started acting crazy and it was time i realized i don't need a girl to be happy. LTR's are expensive and there's alot of time wasted for someone who is there only temporary. I was in 7 relationships so far, only one longer than 1 year, but I have nothing from them except important lessons about what girls truly are. They can't love us forever, it's just our turn. So focus on yourself.

ApexScorpion 8y ago

I started watching Black Phillip and being ultra attentive to my ex's human nature mid-relationship after she threw a curve ball at me and tried to hide it. Haven't been the same since. My personal awakening to "AWALT" as you will. I didn't manage that well because I didn't want to believe it and caused severe trust issues and loses of frame. Of course, the break up brought me here.

As much as it sucked, she actually helped me after all.

Bigchief96 8y ago

Name me one person who did not come here after a breakup . It's always because of the girl . But we found the greater goal in life so we should be thankful .

brinkcitykilla 8y ago

Never be in scarcity - she will flirt with other people (if she is attractive )

can you elaborate on what you mean here?

[deleted] 8y ago

Always have options, flirt wwith other women. Never be needy or in need of attention, support etc. Never need anything from any woman.

Bigchief96 8y ago

That means that if you start to make her the utmost priority in your life , think that she is the only one you can ever be with , and the only one that can ever understand you , you are in scarcity . You don't have to fuck other chicks to be abundant , just know that you are a man with variety of options .

bokehnikon 8y ago

Thanks, OP confused me. Thought it meant "don't be too absent (scarce) from her life" or else she'll flirt with other men.

NeoreactionSafe 8y ago

The real problem was that he stopped giving the validation . You felt like the greatest woman alive but only when he approved . You were unhappy when you were single, searching for something to fill the void.

That's why women need the penis so badly.

Stythe 8y ago

It's true what you say about trying to fill the void with a relationship. Once my last one was over I realized I'd stuck it out with someone who showed me no respect and essentially used me. I quickly realized I'd been raised with and held on to a martyr complex. Once I got rid of that, I realized that I really was just trying to use someone to fill the void because I didn't want to think about what to do with my life. That's also the reason why I never continued my education, got into drugs and partying and generally had no real self-respect. It brings the onus back on me, but now I've lost that fear of failure and understand how the world works, so it's all good. Fuck though, this would have been nice 10 years ago. Ah well.

Bigchief96 8y ago

Better late then never mate . Everyone that comes to this sub has similar problems but we are part of a small minority that is actually working to fix this shit.

Stythe 8y ago

I don't feel that bad about it. I figure if I couldn't see what was right in front of me all my life, I wasn't ready to.

notrustled 8y ago

Avoid girls with mental issues

I think I'll be able to crush diamonds with my bare hands before I can find women without mental issues. Good luck to you guys nevertheless.

[deleted] 8y ago

They are all fucking psycho and crazy and emotionally hungry and evil. Like voids. The Male light and the female void.

Bigchief96 8y ago

Everyone is fucked up but no Bipolar or borderline personality disorder is enough I think ....

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ExMachina12 8y ago

This happened to me twice. Second time round I was lucky enough to discover TRP and start to make changes to my life. It's a tough road, I'm not there yet, still overcoming oneitis, but my emotional state along with self improvement has drastically improved from where I was 6 months ago.

Understanding the fundamentals of AWALT, hypergamy and frame have really helped analysing past mistakes, pointing out my own flaws and why these LTR's have failed. The hardest part was the realisation that the women are not to blame. That lies solely on my shoulders when I put the pussy on a pedestal and couldn't look past the looks, the sex and most importantly the fear of losing them. It made me behave emotionally, irrationally and bred an unhealthy routine of desperate and needy actions.

Life's too short for that shit.

Bigchief96 8y ago

Exactly man , TRP saved my life , gave me a purpose , gave me a great body , a work ethic and the confidence to open a blog because I now think I can contribute something of value . Life is too short to be a suffering bitch .