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- Hide Preview | 51 Comments | submitted 6 months ago by Jcorb [Post Locked]

I don't think it would be a stretch to say this is one of the most misunderstood subreddits -- hell, communities -- around. When I first discovered it, I totally fell into the trap of thinking "It's just a big anti-woman circle-jerk", but over time, I started seeing that -- and it's core -- it's a community built around bettering yourself, and filling a void that I think a lot of men feel.

Of course, I apparently still had certain misconceptions. The whole "one-itis" thing and "putting women on a pedestal", I think subconsciously I always viewed that "don't do those things, because it's not 'cool'" or "that's not how alphas act".

The other night I was reflecting on things going on in my life. I've got a full-on crush on this one woman, despite clearly not being into me, and even though I realize it's a problem, I have a hard time shutting it down. Then I thought about this other woman I know -- a friend-of-a-friend situation, also probably not into me -- and thought "Man, how do I keep getting into these situations?".

And then, it just kind of "clicked".

I keep putting myself into these situations.

It's not that these women are leading me on or toying with me; it's that I'm subconsciously telling myself, "I don't have any value and my only hope is to land a girl I already know".

It's all shit that you guys talk about all the time, but it's like listening to a song where you memorize all the lyrics, versus truly understanding the lyrics.

It's like a minor epiphany, where all of a sudden, all this shit makes sense. Like... The focus isn't just "being so attractive that women stop turning you down", but changing your mindset so that you stop hurting yourself.

Because that's exactly what I've been doing; these women didn't cause me to have "one-itis". I've basically been self-sabotaging myself my whole life, without even really realizing it. If a woman is unfortunate enough to enter my orbit, who was single and/or attractive, I'd mentally start thinking "how can I 'get' her?", never realizing that I was basically telling myself I was worthless because I could only ever hope to land a woman if I was "convenient" to her.

Like I said, this might just all be shit you've heard before. But it really felt like kind of a mental breakthrough for me, realizing that all the shit this sub talks about, it really is about bettering yourself. And that also means addressing your own self-destructive habits.

I dunno. Food for thought.