Repost to dovetail with /u/itiswr1tten latest post, a different perspective, more personal, more specific situation. I wrote this a year ago, and reading it again really was some fresh air for myself. I highly recommend "journaling" about your life, just for yourself, saving it, re-reading it later. The boost you get when you read it again is considerable.

 

Many years ago, many years before TRP, I had to undertake my own personal Red Pill journey, on my own, the hard way. I came across this quote that put into words what I only felt (and acted upon) so long ago at one point in that journey, but didn't know:

 

Don’t talk to me about hatred if you haven’t been married. Only love, only long empathy and identification and compassion, can root another person in your heart so deeply that there’s no escaping your hatred of her, not ever; especially not when the thing you hate most about her is your capacity to be hurt by her.

 

This is such a good description of it; I know, I've been there. But as it stands, it is impotent, and completely Blue Pilled.

When you have reached this point in a LTR, you can be crushed by the weight of your own hatred of her (and your simultaneous desire for her), combined with her hatred of you for being so weak and helpless and dependent. Or, you can lose your capacity to be hurt by her.

 

Whether the relationship ends is a separate issue. In my case, I got to this point in the relationship, where I was giving and not getting, woke up, realized that this was what a woman's love and devotion comes to and said FUCK THIS SHIT.

I concentrated on myself, not just me first, but me ONLY. Exits were designed and zero cares were given. If she wanted me to do something for her, I ignored it. If she wanted to have a fight about something I just laughed. I was absolutely fucking amazed when she did a complete 180, and in a very short time frame. The relationship didn't end; it actually got better than it was before.

 

Does this sound cold to you? This woman was not happy when I cared about her. She was happy when I didn't. It's completely perverse, isn't it?

 

I do believe that a relationship, after about a year or so, is a zero sum game. I stopped caring and she started caring. I lost my capacity to be hurt by her and she regained hers.

I use this as a mantra to remind myself: I have lost my capacity to be hurt by her.

 

The Blue Pill world doesn't want you to know this is an option. That's why you hear all this bullshit about being vulnerable and being open and honest and talking about your feelings and needs. Don't do it; it's a trap.

 

At any point in any relationship (doesn't have to be a LTR, works for your HS oneitis as well as anything in between), if things aren't working out to your satisfaction, think about this, because it is completely under your control. Are you, against your own best interests, maintaining your capacity to be hurt by her?

 

Postscript: This irony is amusing. The quote is from a book review, and the reviewer copied it incorrectly. The actual quote (from Jonathan Franzen) should end with "the thing you hate most about her is her capacity to be hurt by you." LOL. What utterly misguided empathy.