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- Hide Preview | 19 Comments | submitted 3 months ago by wannabebaddie [Post Locked]

I recently made a post asking for advice on meeting men in college, and u/ellewoodsy linked me to u/Whisper 's post about the art of the bad excuse. I thought the post was brilliant, and I made it my goal to try it out within the next month! I've been talking to strangers (men and women) left and right to basically take away the approach anxiety I had when it came to talking to strangers, particularly attractive men. It worked!

There was a guy next to me in the elevator and I started a conversation about the weather. I know, real clever stuff - but I'd rather that than an awkward silence for 8 floors! But that was all it took for him to turn to me with a bright look on his face and start an actual convo. I didn't really check him out when I started talking to him, but once we stopped outside of the building to talk a bit more, I was taken aback by how attractive he actually was. We only talked for a few minutes since I had to be somewhere else on campus, but I was shocked at the way he looked at me. I couldn't believe he was giving me flirty eyes, since he was way cuter than most guys I've dated! He initiated a physical (but innocent!) IOI and I told him that I'll see him around. I should've hinted at staying in contact, but baby steps, lol! I could definitely feel some tension in the air, in a good way.

Before, I could barely make eye contact with men even when they talked to me first. Then I would question why I couldn't get anyone interested in me even though I thought I was reasonably attractive. I thought maybe I actually have a low SMV; maybe I smelled funny; maybe there was just a negative energy about me. After today, it was clear that it really is all about the way you carry yourself and how you put yourself out there. The lame excuse to talk to him probably let him know I was interested without looking too forward, which was the one thing I struggled to show to the men around me in the past. I'm happy that I'm finally putting these RPW theories to the test and seeing them come true right before my eyes!

On a side note, I also wanted to mention how BP media continually laments things like "mindless" small talk about the weather and the minutia of daily life. That's what made me hesitant till now to try the bad excuse - I didn't want to seem boring. Thank God I got over that! Sure, it's a bit shallow to talk about the weather but it puts your foot in the door so that you could have the opportunity to meet someone new and eventually talk about the things that do matter.

Edit: link to the bad excuse post if anyone else wants it!

[-] The_Hokage 16 Points 3 months ago

This is the first I've heard of the bad excuse, and the concept is fantastic. Here are some tips on how to improve the approach.

  • Care must be taken not to seem too interested, because males who are not use to being approached constantly (99% of them) will immediately become skeptical.

  • Giving a sneaky compliment will boost his confidence. Such as opening with: "Hey, I could use a Man's opinion on something." Calling him a Man will prime his self image, demonstrate you're respectful, and entice him with an opportunity to be value added (which is hard for him to resist).

  • A possible bad excuse topic is: "My parents keep saying that learning to change the oil on a car will make a girl more attractive. What do you think?"
[-] wannabebaddie 6 Points 3 months ago

Wow, these are great! Thanks for the suggestions. I can level up my convo starters now!

[-] [deleted] 5 Points 3 months ago

OMG I love these. Especially how they prime a masculine-feminine polarity right out of the gate.

[-] danikali4nia 1 Point 3 months ago

I like to pretend I recognize them from somewhere. Ask them something like, "Did you go to Blah Blah Blah High School?, I swear you look familiar." This is a great ice breaker and kind of establishes a sense of immediate familiarity.

[-] loneliness-inc 14 Points 3 months ago

I think the mods should consider adding this post to the sidebar!

I see that a star was already suggested so I won't suggest it again.

All around great post!

Att u/pearlsandstilettos u/luckylittlestar

[-] wannabebaddie 8 Points 3 months ago

Wow, thank you so much! I'm honored that you'd even consider something I wrote for the sidebar. I'm still a work in progress since I only finished up monk mode and started putting myself back out there, but I'm glad that something that happened to me because of RPW may resonate with the other people on this thread!

[-] loneliness-inc 1 Point 3 months ago

Identity politics is BP because your words are judged based on where you stand. RP theory is about seeking the truth of things. Therefore, it doesn't matter where you're holding. The post itself is a home run and that's what counts ????

[-] wannabebaddie 2 Points 3 months ago

Wow, this is so productive to ANYONE who wants to improve! Doesn't matter where you are, all that matters is the improvement itself. Thanks for the message!

[-] loneliness-inc 1 Point 3 months ago

You're welcome

[-] Whisper 9 Points 3 months ago

Before, I could barely make eye contact with men even when they talked to me first. Then I would question why I couldn't get anyone interested in me even though I thought I was reasonably attractive. I thought maybe I actually have a low SMV; maybe I smelled funny; maybe there was just a negative energy about me. After today, it was clear that it really is all about the way you carry yourself and how you put yourself out there.

+1 (/u/LuckyLittleStar )

Going to write an article expanding on this.

[-] LuckyLittleStar 3 Points 3 months ago

Done! Keep up the good work /u/wannabebaddie

[-] wannabebaddie 1 Point 3 months ago

Thank you so so much! I'll continue to report whatever changes I see in these early stages of implementing RPW teachings to my day to day life!

[-] wannabebaddie 2 Points 3 months ago

Thank you so much, Whisper, both for the idea of the bad excuse and for your support! I'm super excited to see what you have to say on this matter!

[-] Ihatemost 1 Point 3 months ago

I would be very interested to read it as I've felt similar for a long time!

[-] [deleted] 3 Points 3 months ago

Yay! I am *so* glad you found that post helpful. & good for you for putting it into practice ;)

You know, the clever thing about bringing up the weather is that almost anyone you talk to can easily carry a pleasant conversation about it.

[-] wannabebaddie 3 Points 3 months ago

I wanna thank you again for linking it to me! It truly made a change as drastic as day and night, all without taking up too much effort or putting myself TOO out there!

​

Haha, exactly! IDK why some people (past me included) are so opposed to pleasant conversations about the little things. They don't waste your time and they boost your mood - what's not to like?

[-] telltalesass 1 Point 2 months ago

God. I didn’t realize there was a term for it lol.

Master of the bad excuse. Super effective.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 months ago

[deleted]

[-] wannabebaddie 5 Points 3 months ago

Haha, I never really thought men were evil! I was just insecure that there must've been something wrong with me.