After separation from my husband I cautiously started dating again.
I met someone quite quickly and he said he wasn’t sure about seeing someone so recently separated. I said that’s fine, I have no expectations at this point I’m just feeling my way in the dark. He liked this answer and we kept seeing each other.
Within perhaps three months he started talking babies. Not asking, almost telling. As in, we should start discussing children seriously by next year.
I recognise that this was the point for me to call time but instead I kinda blinked and just said, uh, more wine?
As things went on I realised we were totally incompatible, although outwardly got along ok.
He’s very conservative, not politically just in terms of music, books, culture, even sex.
Anyway he kept pressuring me to sort out my divorce even though under a year it’s a legal impossibility in my country.
He was also very fixed on the notion of my selling my house to “move on” from the marriage and make him feel more secure in our relationship of several months.
Financially this would have been a terrible decision for me. He even told me at my age (30s) the clock was ticking and he was only prepared to give me the baby I’d never discussed w him once I showed I was moving on from the ex I cut all ties with.
This makes him sound more manipulative than he is. He’s religious, quite stuck in his ways and terrified of open conflict.
Anyway I ended things over a year ago. But every few months he keeps messaging me to say he misses me, wants to restart things. I have said no each time and also that I’m seeing someone new.
It doesn’t deter him. He just says he really likes me and is “persistent”.
He’s a decent enough man, if clueless, but at this point outside of telling him to fuck right off I’m at a loss of what to do.
Any suggestions?
Kaleidoscopiquant 1y ago
Block and delete. Why are you concerned with letting him down gently? You tried to be polite about it and he took that as an invitation to keep bothering you.
Underground-anzac-99 1y ago
You’re right. I think it’s just that notion as a woman it’s important to be polite and not upset others.
When someone’s had a hard time — his wife of a decade ended things by telling him she’d never been in love with him then stayed dating new people when they were still living together— I tend to ignore stupid behaviour, even to my own detriment.
I’ve shown his messages to a couple of close friends, male and female, who’ve both said he’s clueless and needs to stop,
Kaleidoscopiquant 1y ago
He's not taking the hint, the kind thing to do now is make yourself perfectly clear and cut him off. He's just wasting his time otherwise.
Underground-anzac-99 1y ago
I quite literally said: I need to be clear that I have no interest whatsoever in restarting things. I am seeing someone else. I am not interested. Is that clear?
Him: crystal! When are you free to catch up?
Kaleidoscopiquant 1y ago
Lol yep, feigning stupid to get what he wants. Do him a favour and block.
Blackhawk2479 1y ago
Softly, softly doesn’t work with these Nice Guy^TM types, they see politeness as encouragement. Tell him to fuck off then block and delete him from everything and - no offence intended here - but next time a situation like this arises, “more wine?” is not the solution. Vet your potential partners better.