I'll keep this post short, as including too much would be, well, oversharing. The meaning of sex for our men is probably not a new concept to most RPW, but I thought I'd pair it with something I've learned.
It's no big secret: Us ladies talk about A LOT of stuff with our girlfriends. It's how we connect with each other. I've also always been that person where on a scale from 1 ("I know nothing about her") to 10 ("I know everything about her"), I'm totally comfortable with letting someone I'm not close with be at a 7.
My man is different in that he's more stoic and private, particularly regarding sex. Now I've become far more conscientious about keeping our sex life private since we started dating, even with my girlfriends, despite feeling the impulse to share it with them. I wasn't always like this (21yo me makes 26yo me cringe, looking back). I couldn't understand why he was naturally private about it and I wasn't, but it finally hit me this week why.
Sexual/physical intimacy is one of his primary ways of connecting with me, and it's a side of him that's radically different from what his friends, family and others get to see. I used to feel like a girl with an exciting secret, giddy and glowy when thinking about what we did together last night while I went about my life. But over time, as you move out of the honeymoon phase, you learn what the foundation of your relationship is really built on, as well as what you both consistently need in life.
I've realized that just like he needs to be desired and he needs to make me feel like a princess in the bedroom, he also needs it to stay between us, because it's not just sex for him/us. My man thrives on being consistent and loyal and excellent in the important areas of his life. Sexual intimacy is his steady expression of care and tenderness in a way that is unique to him, given uniquely to me. And this doesn't just apply to sex; he also thrives on a few routines for physical affection that we have, which I won't share here. When I look at it that way, him keeping our sex life private is a kind of protective instinct, and it's that much more important that I do the same.
Thanks for reading, hopefully it was helpful and not too rambling!
Edit: wow, the reception has been lovely! Thank you so much for the awards as well! :')
Babiecakes123 1y ago
Once I took a step back from the “Girlies✨
jgrl1162 1y ago
This actually makes total sense! Thanks for sharing.
amadexodus 1y ago
Thank you!
Empyrean_Truth 1y ago
Korean girl here.
I can tell you where Asian women (more old-school ones) get it so terribly wrong: Gossip. It's deleterious to your friendships and relationships to keep gossipping about them.
Asian wives virtually gossip more than anyone else I've ever seen; "My son got into X" "My daughter is studying to get into B" "Did you hear cheong-mins husband hasn't had sex with her in over a year?"
It's the worst thing to anyone to feel like you are an accessory to someone else's gossip.
If you need emotional support or advisory with your relationship or something is pertinent to your story, sure ofc you're going to share, but the bragging or complaining is really cringe, looks immodest and is fundamentally disrespectful to all of the people who have privileged information to you.
If someone discovers you gossip you're certainly not the top of their list for privileged information anymore and I don't trust anyone who feels it compulsory to divulge information about others for a crumb of social standing.
warm20 1y ago
This is supposed to be common sense, why would you share something that is sacred meant for only 2 of you?
We have become so desensitized to the basics such as these
I understand there can be unhealthy/unideal levels of practices even between 2, but even those are meant to be overcome by the two of you taking a healthy committed approach of improvement together
amadexodus 1y ago
That’s precisely why I made a post about it. 20yo me did not understand this at all.
george__whorewell 1y ago
Also please note: most people don't really want everybody to know about their sex life with their partner. If somebody I was dating was sharing all that shit with their friends I would be hella uncomfortable.
amadexodus 1y ago
Agreed. That’s part of why I wrote the post. Women are generally prone to oversharing with our girlfriends even though we’d be pissed if our men were oversharing with their bros.
sunglasses90 1y ago
Really good post!
amadexodus 1y ago
Thank you!
TheBunk_TB 1y ago
Generalities (doing well, okay) > in depth commentary
amadexodus 1y ago
Agreed.
brushshstrokes 1y ago
Yeah, it's so interesting to learn about men and about how much sex matters to them.
I'd extend that to all personal issues. Really don't share anything private, especially conflicts. Better to work it out directly with your spouse.
amadexodus 1y ago
Completely agree with this. I think a few other users have posted here about the importance of not complaining any issues you have with your man to other people, especially in front of him. That can make him feel "smaller than a hobbit."
golden_eyed_cat 1y ago
I wholeheartedly agree with this! Unless there is abuse taking place, the Internet, your frie ds and family don't have to know about the conflicts and disagreements in your marriage!
DelicateDevelopment 1y ago
This is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. You made me smile <3
amadexodus 1y ago
Thank you for the compliment!
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amadexodus 1y ago
Yeah I disagree with you somewhat on this, but so long as your girlfriend respects your boundaries, good for you! And thanks.
Such_Beginning_1629 1y ago
A word of caution, does he share with his buddies about sex? Most men like to brag or vent.
amadexodus 1y ago
Nope! As I said, he’s a very private person regarding certain things, and our sex life is one of them.
anon018274031 1y ago
Interesting post and I completely respect that working for you.
For me I personally don’t see it as an issue, and I would never lie to a partner about that fact that I talk about my relationships. I have been given some extremely good advice from my friends about sex but also about other aspects of relationships.
I also personally don’t want to be with a man that is so insanely different in front of people that it would be a shock for people to find out he is kind and affectionate behind closed doors. Again, personal preference.
amadexodus 1y ago
Whatever works for you, I won't comment on. But I will defend my man on this point, as you're suggesting he treats me coldly in front of people and kindly in private. Anybody who knows us both could tell you that we obviously care for each other, and that he is kind and affectionate, both in public and behind closed doors.
Perhaps I could have said it more clearly, but there's a difference between friends and family who know us recognizing that he cares for me and wants to make me happy, and those same friends and family knowing what is said/done in the bedroom (or even whether or not we're having sex at all).
anon018274031 1y ago
It came across with the way you wrote it like people would be surprised who is was behind closed doors, like it was some weird secret.
amadexodus 1y ago
I think you're just over-reading my post.