We all know our society looks down at women who want a loving marriage and want to be housewives and SAHM.
I am currently a student in college and my boyfriend has graduated and works as an engineer. By the time I graduate he wants to make sure he owns a home and is engaged to me so I can stay home. I want to be a writer and I focus on writing my books and taking care of the home. Im studying english and creative writing and it would be a dream to write whenever I want while at home
I am tired of seeing women being shamed for wanting this life. I’m also worried my parents will be disappointed in me for going to school for nothing. All I want in life is to be a housewife and have a happy marriage and babies, why is this so frowned upon..
AcanthisittaExotic81 1y ago
It's seen as a bad thing usually by people in pure cope mode
NevermindTheCrows 1y ago
Is it possible that you're getting pushback because of the way you're describing your plans?
I think if you said "I plan to graduate from college and work as a freelance writer. When I have kids I'll stay home with them," you might face less criticism.
But instead, you're setting it up as a you-vs-the-world conflict. "Society looks down on my hopes and dreams!"
And I think that makes people wonder whether you've really thought things through, or are just looking for drama.
Either way, I wish you luck in your plans!
dorian1356 1y ago
They hate it when others have what they never will. They shame stay at home moms because they represent all that they're not.
[deleted] 1y ago
Fuck the radfems, I also wanna be a housewife working from home. I am at uni and I regret it. It's frowned upon because the world is dominated by the nightmare called feminism, which allegedly shames internalized misog. but uses the same shit against tradwives. And this shaming is not the deepest in the iceberg. The root reason of feminism is so the workforce doubles. The employee wages decrease, so the evil elite gains more money. Behind feminism is greed.
chuggMachine 1y ago
The only people that are gonna look down on you are feminists. Don't be ashamed for being an amazing woman. More power to you.
cupieheart 1y ago
I wish this were true but the oddest thing happened when I became a housewife…. my conservative Christian family started criticizing me. My mom would make passive aggressive digs at me for “not working” (even though I’m running the household.) Some of the people who criticized me are pretty actively anti-feminist too. But I also don’t have kids and feel it’s only “acceptable” in our society to be a housewife if you’re an SAHM. Needless to say, I’ve had to distance myself from my family a bit.
I will say I live in a pretty progressive city but something I’ve noticed is a lot of conservatives, Christians, even people who speak out against feminism, will criticize women who are housewives. Most modern families are two income households where both the husband and wife work full-time and split the chores 50/50 (or outsource.) Even with multiple children, women are expected to work. Anyone who deviates from that is prone to criticism because feminism has seeped into even areas of society where you’d think they’d be more traditional but they aren’t (such a conservatives, Christians, etc.) And the worst part is, they don’t even know they hold feminist views.
brushshstrokes 1y ago
Maybe they envy you?
cupieheart 1y ago
There is a part of me that believes they might envy me in a way but I haven’t entertained that thought too much… so it is definitely a possibility
Lab_Brat_13 1y ago
People will criticize you no matter what you do. All that matters is that you and your husband are happy with whatever family situation you decide to have in your household. It’s your family and no one else’s. I have a Master’s degree, work full time and I don’t ever want kids. One of my best friends has the same degree and is a SAHM with two beautiful little girls. Both of us chose the lifestyle that best suited us and our family and that’s all that matters.
Beautiful-Sunflower 1y ago
I'm a housewife, 15 years here and I'm in my 30s believe me no matter what you choose you will hear something. It's a damn hard job it can be very stressful, if you want to do it and know it's what your here to do then I say go for it. You can write books as well.
Mcmcickerson2335 1y ago
That’s wholesome wish we had more like you! Just have a fallback plan money wise. People can change in a marriage or something could happen to your future husband physically .
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Dabz_TW0598 1y ago
More power to you. Being a SAHM is a full time job. May at times feel overwhelming, but rewarding and wholesome. Ignore the trolls. Good luck
Protocol_Apollo 1y ago
The real red pill is being a housewife is equally, if not a better, job than working at some corporate ZOG.
In the latter, your labour is stolen/wasted on frivolous tasks tasked to you by someone who doesn’t give a shit about you, would happily replace you and if you died, would be over it in a couple of days.
This is not the case for the housewife. The housewife works for and with her family, profiting herself and them. She gets to work for something that actually does give a shit about her and well-being and wouldn’t be replacing her anytime soon.
socksonmonkeys4117 1y ago
I became a SAHM after working in corporate America and getting my Masters. It is a joy but man is it hard work. If you’re making healthy meals, doing laundry, exercising, and raising children intentionally, it’s a ton of work. I cook 3-5 hours a day, clean 4-5 hours a day, and run errands around my daughter’s nap schedule. It’s not soap operas and snacks all day.
I think part of the problem too is that we all outsource so much of our lives and household to others that we find it odd now when a woman chooses to handle it herself. We outsource food, cleaning, education, etc. and then we all wonder why we’re so scattered and busy. Running the home is a full-time job because it’s supposed to be and pushing it onto other people or industries isn’t sustainable IMO. And it’s actually very rewarding. I’m able to run my home the way I want at my fast pace and do side projects (I write too and am enjoying the freedom to finish works after years of putting them off). This is the best decision I’ve ever made, and better yet, it’s the best situation for my family.
TheBunk_TB 1y ago
This applies to many other things. We (men and women) search for purpose and feel empty, but we never run our own lives. It would bring us closer to others if we did.
angelicasinensis 1y ago
Gosh I’m So busy too! I feel you! We eat mostly Homemade meals, organic, I even go the extra mile and do sprouts, kombucha and bread baking- I also homeschool three kids, generally like a clean home, do all the yard work on our .8 acres and have a garden (want it to be bigger)-
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Exstntial-strawberry 1y ago
Do people tell you their criticisms in person or where do you get this criticism? Just curious because all of my friends would love to be SAHM/Ws if they could
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
My friends support me in what I want to do it’s more so people online that shame women so it sort of makes me feel wrong for wanting the lifestyle
Protocol_Apollo 1y ago
Stop talking about this online. It’s just validation seeking behaviour.
If it’s not that but rather just being bombarded by anti-SAHM videos on TikTok or whatever, then it’s your fault. You have to stop watching it, and block such content, otherwise you are simply feeding the monster and forcing yourself to see the same shit over and over again poisoning your mind.
Algorithms are neither good or evil, all they do is look at your habits and suggest similar/the same things to it.
If I click on some fitness vids, any semi decent algorithm will suggest other fitness and fitness related vids in the future.
emmalai85 1y ago
I got married before social media was a thing like it is today.
My oldest sister disowned me for dropping out of college and marrying an older man, my grandparents expressed dissatisfaction with my choice to be a stay at home mom instead of having a career, my husband's mother implied I didn't add value until she saw me make money working from home (by choice, not need) and his sisters called me a gold digger.
None of these behaviors happened to me online, but the amount of real life "don't you want to be more than just a mom" came from real life people, not social media.
Protocol_Apollo 1y ago
Yeh I get you. Any women who wants to be a SAHM or SAHM-lite will face resistance from online and most likely irl too.
OP was saying she’s getting from online so I was advising along that side.
I’m sure almost if not all the women mentioned here self identify as feminists right?
Feminists says they believe in a woman’s right to choose until she chooses the traditional route.
I remember reading this somewhere, but deep down, women are incredibly jealous of the SAHM especially in modern times
The order went something like this :
-Married SAHM
-Married works with kids
-Married works no kids
-Single
-Divorced no kids
-Divorced with kids
-Never Married with kids
lorabbba 1y ago
Whats a sahm lite?
emmalai85 1y ago
None of them are self proclaimed feminists, except my older sister.
My grandmother was a divorced single mom, who married my grandfather in her 30's. She died last year, but he's still alive. Their relationship was very solid and strong and they had 40 years together before she passed. but she didn't rely or trust on any man - until her health didn't leave her a choice. My grandfather never hesitated to be there for her, but it definitely condradicted her advice growing up of never relying on a partner for anything, ever, whether it was money, or care taking.
My mother in law only worked once her kids were in school for insurance and she said she always felt like it didn't matter, nd her husband never saw what she did as valuable, because it wasn't needed. He felt like she had a choice, so he didn't care much which one she picked. When her husband died - she never dated, or remarried. She's 80 now, but has spent the last 15ish years alone because she felt under valued, never appreciated, and when she had been a stay at home mom, told it didn't matter once the kids were in school.
Her daughters both worked full time jobs. A teacher/nurse.
My husband was married before me - his wife made more money than him, and was very career oriented. He decided he wanted kids and didn't want/need a wife to work. He would rather work harder (and we retired earlier than most because of that.) in order to have his wife available for him and his children with out being forced to compromise with work and other people's schedules and requiring a 2 income household in order to function.
We retired down to central America, but that's more of a personal preference because he doesn't like being idle and he wants to work on property and stuff and the weather here is better for that lol (he also speaks the language, where-as I'm learning.)
Someone who would follow him anywhere in the world to support his dreams to him, was priceless - and invaluable. Society tells women that men dont' value that anymore - but it's just not true.
Men hear their skills are not needed because women can do it all for themselves and don't need men. I remember growing up thinking "if I want kids, that's fine, the husband part is optional." until I realized that the WAY I wanted to be a mom, the husband absolutely was NOT optional because I couldn't be in two places at once.
That was the moment as a mid-aged teenager when I realized all of the messages I'd been given growing up, where wrong.
angelicasinensis 1y ago
I don’t use any social media other than Reddit and I M Proud to be a SAHM- literally never felt like it wasn’t anything other than a respected career….
Protocol_Apollo 1y ago
These 2 may share a connection.
angelicasinensis 1y ago
I really think social media is overall not positive- I stopped using Facebook when I noticed my anxiety would skyrocket after scrolling- I don’t watch the news because if it isn’t something I can directly help or make better it’s useless other then bringing me down- serves absolutely no purpose. Plus, what’s scary is that politicians are using social media to sway our emotions and thoughts- don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but it really is low key mind control- all of us based on algorithms are seeing different news tailored to our previous views on politics- kind of scary. I do use Facebook for a couple Of homeschool groups and marketplace, but I don’t have a shred of personal info and no friends so it’s not tempting- lol.
Protocol_Apollo 1y ago
Overall or for the average person it isn’t good. Because they don’t make anything useful out of it. They just use it to waste time or to rile their anger over the current thing.
Take Reddit. Most of it is a cesspool. It’s either porn or left wingers rage reacting to the current thing eg Ukraine or roe v wade etc.
That’s what the average person uses reddit for. Overall a negative experience.
But it can be argued for some people, like me and you, we have an overall positive one. We stick to 1-3 really niche subs and drown out everything else.
However, this isn’t the norm.
Social media is overall negative because most people don’t make anything useful out of it.
Why is that? The difference between conspiracy theory and reality is now only a couple months. So many crazy ones out there have proven to be true. Too many in fact.
MKUltra never stopped. There are dossiers on how social media can be used to sway the masses. Look hard enough and you will find them ;)
stockholmwife 1y ago
I'm a housewife and get criticism often, but I don't really care. People are going to criticize you no matter what choices you make in life, so there's not much you can do against that anyway.
ichillonforums 1y ago
I relate to this. Like you one of my passions are writing, and the other is UX which is a technology field (the most feminine of the tech field imo, it's based in design and empathy), and it would be a dream to have a man provide financially while I have free reign to do writing/blogging/freelance UI and UX so I'd have free reign with it and not like actually tied down. That being said I wouldn't mind being tied down in this career, so I'm pursuing it. But I always have a wanderous heart and wanderlust, I'm also prone to ASD burnout, and if I could be secure while traveling the world and taking care of my mental health, man, I don't even know how I could be so lucky ☘️
I also feel ashamed. Idk what to tell you but just wanted to tell you you seem pretty cool, I really love other writers
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
Thank you!
Luscious-Grass 1y ago
Being a SAHM is damn hard work. Not much time for leisurely writing.
The truth is that for most people there is no such thing as a free lunch. You have to pick your poison with clear eyes, and don’t worry about what other people have to say on the matter.
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
Good point, to be more clear I would like to do most of my writing before having babies
Thanks!
emmalai85 1y ago
I have soon to be 7 kids. I'm a published author of romance novels, and I was a ghost writer for 4.5 years.
I quit that to run a home business until I retired.
Now I'm retired with my husband.
If it's important to you, you make time. Writing is one of my main hobbies that way, and it made ok money for part time work.
Euphoric-Chain-5155 1y ago
I have it on good authority that you can you can be a housewife, take care of small children, and still find time for your writing.
emmalai85 1y ago
This!!! I'm not sure what other people are doing but I manage to find time for things.
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ParamedicCapable6484 1y ago
Is there any subreddits for stahm aside from rpw ? I'm also sahm.
ParamedicCapable6484 1y ago
Is there any subreddits for stahm aside from rpw ? I'm also sahm.
NikiY12 1y ago
There's nothing wrong with your plans! Hopefully your parents will want you to be happy above all else.
Fyi you can do writing from home and manage a household and babies at the same time without spreading yourself too thinly, so it's hardly a waste of your degree ☺️ I do marketing from home (mostly content writing at the moment) and have a music degree!
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
thank you!!
angelicasinensis 1y ago
Don’t know where you live but in my area I think it’s looked upon in high esteem- people always smile at me with my kids, tell me I’m doing a good job, compliment my children when we’re out and say I must be a “very busy woman”- lol.
emmalai85 1y ago
Sounds familiar. I also wanted to be a writer.
It's been 16 years of marriage and I have no regrets.
Life is too short. Don't worry about what others think. Live your life for you
aslanhatessmeagol 1y ago
Being a housewife is great if your partner is okay about it and can afford to support the family. Nowadays,being a housewife is like luxury.
StillWatersLily 1y ago
People will criticize you no matter what you do. If you need quick proof, go check the comment section of any post about motherhood on Facebook. SAHMs are criticized AND working moms are criticized. You probably feel that the harshest criticism is leveled at whichever you identify with the most.
It's impossible to make everyone happy with your choices, therefore you can't make your decisions based on trying to make "society" or other people happy. You have to learn to live with the criticism and be confident in your own choices.
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
Good point! Thanks
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LoveWitchXo 1y ago
I actually have 9 chapters of a book I have started last month and am in school for creative writing and will be making a career out of it because it’s what I want to do. When I become a stay at home wife/mother writing will be my past time and hobby. I can be a writer and stay at home, I dont see why not.
My world is built in my book and I have drawn out a map for it. You seem to have good points but to defend myself I didn’t include every detail of what I have going on simply because I don’t have to. If I thought writing was something I was going to sit around and do and daydream about I wouldn’t be in school for it.
My partner makes plenty of money and as a stay at home wife mom whatever, I expect money to be put in to my account as his way of providing for me. Thank you very much.
emmalai85 1y ago
If you have want to talk about writing feel free to message me. There are alot of groups for both trad and self published authors, and free lance writing can make a decent amount.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. And there is nothing wrong with coffee and fuzzy pajamas while you write
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Underground-anzac-99 1y ago
I think many commentators are conflating stay at home mother with stay at home WIFE.
A SHM will get child support if things go belly up and it may not be finically feasible for her to work a lot if that means crippling child care fees.
However I too would be worried at being a stay at home wife with no kids. What’s the retirement plan going to look like? Or the work history if you do n Ed to go out to work?
If there’s a five year gap but no kids how many employers will say, ah, you didn’t want to work so stayed home full time as a childless wife, clearly you’re the kind of go getting candidate we need?
As someone who got my start in writing while working a lot I found having less time really compressed things for me and destroyed any hopes of procrastination.
Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
You’re being insanely harsh here for someone claiming to be looking out for OPs best interests. Life is full of risks, some of us are thankful to have devoted spouses who aren’t the type to cheat or leave and leave us penniless. My own husband has an account for me just in my name so that I never have to feel like I have no money truly of my own. He’s catholic so divorce isn’t ever an option for him, he’s got morals and has not nor would I ever expect him to cheat. Thankfully we dated for long enough and vetted properly unlike in our parents (and I assume in your mothers case) era. OP has the right to decide what risk she is and isnt willing to make in her life. I’m sure her children will appreciate having a mother who was with them all the time instead of being passed to a daycare or caretaker, and I’m sure her husband will appreciate the sacrifice she’s making to take care of their lives. Some men actually care for their women you know and also have a safety net in plan for them in the event of a worst case scenario. Not everyone’s financial situations are so dire that they’re a job loss away from financial ruin. Savings, insurance, and a degree to fall back on are all there.
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Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
I never said being catholic prevents divorce, I said for my husband it’s one of the qualities that informs his values. He’s also actually practicing, barring abuse and severe deception, Catholics who pray the rosary everyday and go to mass and confession multiple times a week aren’t typically the Catholics getting divorced
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
You’re right those are good things to consider, my apologies, I wasn’t trying to get hostile but it does sound harsh coming at what I love but the red pill can be harsh and that’s alright.
Thank you for your help!
Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
Ignore this person, it’s called ‘concern trolling’ they’re just seemingly looking to pick a fight. Likely a jealous cope. I’m sure you know already the points of concern some people may have and I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure out a plan for your own life without so many opinions. Take it from a fellow housewife! I had a career before I became an about to be SAHM, so just make sure your schooling is in something you can hopefully fall back on if needed. I’d also recommend volunteering when you can! You can always cite it as job experience if ever needed.
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pearlsandstilettos 1y ago
Be polite or be quiet
SharpenedStinger 1y ago
not a woman, but a writer who's published a book and sold 70 copies in a month. Writing as a career is a near pipe dream. Unless OP is in a very lucrative niche and knows what she's doing, I have to agree with the other person who was pretty harsh but honest. Writing is going to be a hobby for a LONG time before it can be considered her career. Especially given the response she gave, I don't think she has much of a plan for marketing or how to drive sales, which is like the most important part.
Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
Idk it sounds like to me it doesn’t really matter to her if it is a hobby? If it was a career goal idk that she’d be considering herself a SAHW
LoveWitchXo 1y ago
Thank you! I had a feeling they’re just picking at everything there is a possibility for everything. I just have to be smart about it all!
Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
And I’m sure you will be! As long as you have a plan you’ll be fine. There’s many upsides to bring a SAHM, your family will thank you for it.
Underground-anzac-99 1y ago
She’s not talking about SAHM but SAHW, that is, no family.
Ok_Obligation_6110 1y ago
She said she wants to have children
Underground-anzac-99 1y ago
Sure but why not do a bit of work, add to the savings account and retirement fund until you have them, even if it’s part time work?
VasiliyZaitzev 1y ago
First, anyone who doesn't like your choices can FOAD.
So tell people you are a writer. /sorted.
Because we have allowed a very small subset of mentally-ill women to dictate what is "right" for women. People are often resentful of other people having it "better" than they do, and thus "Why does SHE get to stay home and eat bon bons all day while I have to go to WORK?!" Well that person made different choices.
Also corporate women sometimes wargame this out as the men they have to compete with having a "secret weapon" at home who can attend to managing the household, organize life etc. They hate it.
"You can have it all" is a Big Giant Lie, and those who were duped by it are Bitter A. F.
romancatamite 1y ago
Perfect response.
freedom6262 1y ago
I love the acronym FOAD. Also what you said too. ‘Too each their own’
VasiliyZaitzev 1y ago
I usually say, "Hey, thanks for the advice, but I have to do what's right for me."
ImpressiveEbb6377 1y ago
I think that's a beautiful idea. I think you guys should go through with it.
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