I don't think it's about what you specifically should or should not do. The Red Pill is about acknowledging that men and women are different in nature and therefore more suited for specific roles in a household.

It usually serves as a counterpoint to the feminist movement that promotes equality between the sexes in all aspects regardless of what role biology plays in the formation of our life goals. You can therefore be Red Pill and still vastly deviate from traditional gender roles.

I just want to say, I GET IT. I was like this too before I started digging deeper into the Christian feminine woman. I’m definitely a work in progress still.

1. If he has expressed that he enjoys working and providing for you, why not let him have the honour and privilege of doing so? A man might not admit it, but it generally hurts their pride when a woman tries to assume the masculine role (even if she is unaware)

1.5. I see no issue in working until you have kids, it’s what I’m doing.. but as you said.. your babies NEED mummy at home.

1. If you are a Christian you are CALLED to be submissive. God made Adam first for a reason. If you wish to live within God’s Will, you must OBEY God’s Will.

2. Read “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace & “Fascinating Womanhood”. It will answer these questions for you.

3. Your fiancé, if a Christian man needs to read “The Exemplary Husband” by Stuart Scott. It will also answer your questions on wether or not your husband is to make decisions without consulting you. My fiancé said it was the best book he’s ever read.

4. Being a mum means getting dirty 24/7. I think what femininity is, is the fact that you take care of yourself and clean up after you’re dirty. It’s not an every day thing, but hey, you can be cute AND handy.

I'm a tomboy who wears a dress while riding a horse. I grt dirty, that's what a shower us for.

I'm not a maid, my husband does most of the cooking and helps with laundry and is an involved father.

Your relationship shouldn't be compared to others You are not them.

I'm not redpilled in alot of ways, because I came at this from a bdsm point of view, not a religious one.

This is a conscious choice I make to follow his lead to the extent that works for us because I wanted too and it suits us best. For me, it has nothing to do with gender, but its just what works for us.

I've worked from home, you can identify with the parts that fit you. Don't take it personally if others are different and don't compare.

I'm pregnant with #7 but there's also child free folks here. A healthy, loving, respectful marriage where you don't nag, manipulate or use sex to barter is more the goal for me.

Regarding the subservient thing.

Keep in mind I'm not currently in a relationship and my past relationships have been 50/50 bill splitting and all but one the housework and cooking/food was evenly split.

But I can relate it to my work.

The last few years I've realised the stress at my work is less if I don't start feeling responsible for other people's roles and/or question my team mates or bosses abilities. I end up with more time and mental energy to focus on my role and do it well. It improves my workplace relations. And in a teamwork environment this is very important. Yeah there's times I have to step up, and times when I have bosses or co-workers who are too busy with their own goals to work together with me. Or they are making silly mistakes but unless it will result in somebody to getting hurt or another serious issue I really don't need to get involved.

To me this part of RP theory for LTR/traditional relationships is having a couple who agree to the same goals and agree on what roles they will take on to get there. There will be things the wife will have the say on and it will be silly for the husband to command it be done a different way, e.g. deciding on all the weekly meals when he has no clue on seasonal foods, time involved or wider family food preferences. Nit picking over small things and questioning the ability of somebody else to do their role isn't a good way to maintain a happy relationship.

If you are building a house having 20 masters of different trades who can communicate and work together is better then having 20 Jack of All Trades who step on each others toes and critise each other for not doing it their way.

This is a good question.

I would say at the most basic level a red pilled woman understands and acknowledges that there are inherent biological differences between men and women and works towards creating harmony in her marriage based on those differences.

How you implement this into your relationship is up to you. Everyone is a bit different. Usually it means a more traditional family unit with more traditional gender roles. At the basic level the man is the primary provider for the household and the woman is the primary caretaker and nurturer of the household.

With that said traditional gender roles varied throughout history based on class. My husband and I are upper middle class but came from lower middle class households. We’re now white collar professionals, but my husband does our own plumbing, electrical, car repair, etc. so sometimes I have to put on a pair of jeans and help him a little. If I was married to a surgeon who came from a wealthy background I don’t think I’d be doing that. If you were a woman on the prairie you were a redpill woman but you might be out helping your husband build your house literally. If you were from high society you would not work and your job was to look pretty and have artistic talents. Even though the day to day is different to all of us the values remain the same.

Some of the individual attitudes I've read in this sub have certainly made me cringe. I've composed comments, but end up deleting them because I'm sure the mods will delete them anyway or give me some kind of warning. I fully consider myself a red-pilled (Christian) woman, but not to the same degree others are. It's fine.

There is a wiki that will give you a better indication of the subs ideas than scrolling through posts. When you scroll through posts on a sub that mostly gives advice, you are going to see people who are having problems AND it is a snapshot in time if what people are thinking about at this moment. It isn't the best indication of anything. Usually there will be a string of similar posts because that is how the human brain works.

The books, the wiki, all of it, is here to help us be good partners ( in a way that men want) and get good partners . Submission is huge because men need to be respected to be loved. Give a little deference to a good man and he will move heaven and earth to make you happy.

But this is all based in trust. It is clear to me from your pushback that you aren't actually ready to trust you fiance fully. You are very focused on your individuality. In the end, marriage (a lasting one) is about giving up a bit tho of autonomy for the health of the family/couple.

You probably would do well to read the books recommended in the post or the books traditionally recommended in the sub. Please take this criticism as a genuine desire for you to wrap your head around valuable ideas before it's too late to change. I read your post on the other sub about your ex hook up and your fiance. There are some deep problems in your relationship that you are going to want to figure out before you make it legal.

For the record- I ride a motorcycle, shoot a gun, dig in the garden, wear make up every day, work in finance, understand math, love high heels, ran a theater company, ran a sorority, cook, clean, raise kids, discuss politics and the direction of the family with my husband, contribute to the family finances and have some of my own money (as does my husband). When we disagree on a direction - it is his vision that we follow but I can't think of the last time we have disagreed on something substantial.

We are neither traditional nor modern. People don't fit into a neat box. No one is suggesting that you fit into a neat box either BUT the messaging that is out there that encourages you to be your own person (me instead of we) has been the destruction of a lot of relationships.

Being a RPW means different things for all of us. The way I saw it described when I first got here, was a toolbox, i.g take what you need and leave what you don’t.

I don’t know what percentage of women in here are housewives vs working but I’ve seen posts from both. Being a SAHM is not required at all, that’s a choice within their relationships. It’s not considered bad to want to keep working all, there are women in here who make more than there husbands or run their own businesses.

I wouldn’t say RPW focuses on subservience, because that makes it sound as though there’s no choice. There’s a lot of talk in here about being submissive, which is a choice. From an RPW perspective submission is a form of trust, you’re trusting your man to lead you and your family correctly, that’s an active decision. Men are built to lead and protect, when we’re vulnerable with them, that furthers this drive.

Submission does not mean you’re lesser, there’s a great post in here about the captain and firstmate dynamic— but essentially men and women both have differing (complementary) roles they are supposed to fulfill. That does not mean your husband should be steamrolling you and you aren’t allowed to have an opinion. In practice more along the lines of not constantly nagging him and learning how to be gentler in communication.

RPW doesn’t dictate that we have to be womanly 24/7, it’s about what works for you and your relationship. I think there’s a lot of really great posts in here. I’m also Christian, and when I came to this sub I really wanted to work on being submissive, because I always had trouble with that growing up. I realize now it was because my mother constantly emasculated my father and didn’t trust his judgement. In my own relationship I’ve seen a lot of success using RPW strategies. We weren’t arguing a lot or anything before, but learning to be vulnerable and trust implicitly has taken things to a new level.

I don't fit into the red pilled or blue pilled category either. I'd say I have some traits of both and it's not like I've carefully picked them, but this is just who I am.

For instance, I "saved" myself for my husband sexually. But it wasn't just for the husband, I wasn't interested in sharing my body with someone I wouldn't spend my life with anyway.

I let my husband be the ultimate decision maker most of the times when we disagree, but not out of subservience. Rather because I like to keep life easy and doing things his way wouldn't be too bad either. I don't pretend to agree with him though, I let him know I think differently but I'd just do it his way anyway.

I fix his meals and fold his laundry most of the times, but not because I think it's my duty as his wife, just out of affection to make his life easier since he has a demanding job. The minute he starts to act entitled, I put him in his place by reminding him that I'm essentially doing him a favor.

I also do most of the baby care because again - he has a demanding job and I'd like him to thrive in his career without worrying too much about other stuff.

I definitely like to work and cannot imagine not working. However I do not work aggressively anymore and just put in my hours and log off, my career progression is slowing down but have to balance it out somewhere as both parents cannot have this kind of approach towards work. It's more sensible for me to make the sacrifice since husband makes a lot more than me.

Also - I have a temper and if I find him yelling without a valid reason, I yell back. I'm not the type who can wait for things to calm down.

And I've no desire to be more "redpilled". I also feel that you can really set yourself up for being taken for granted if you are too subservient, agreeable and eager to impress. There has to be a balance. Do things for him but make sure he's acknowledging it. Don't just be a thankless doormat.

Different women find different ways of running their lives. Red pill is just a way of understanding gender dynamics; it doesn't mandate that you need to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen : )

I think a lot of women do see submission as a bit of a trade-off, like, if the man provides, the woman is willing to submit. That's not how my marriage works, but I can understand it.

You sound like you do a lot. Why do you think it's reasonable for you to work full time AND do most of the cleaning and cooking? Similarly, why do you feel like you'll need to work from home AND be a stay at home mom?

I'm curious how you define traditionalism then. Based off of what you wrote here and your post history you don't sound traditional, you sound extremely modern which is fine. Having long hair, wearing dresses, being religious and maintaining a house don't inherently make you traditional. My mom did all of that and she's a hard ass career woman.

I'm subservient to my husband in that he makes the big decisions for us yes, but I chose to marry him because he's an excellent planner and will do far better with those large asks than I could. I give him my concerns and input and he makes the best decision for both of us, always.

Other people have already touched on the definition of red pill, but you don't have to be traditional to have a red pill mindset. It's just recognizing men and women think differently. How you choose to use that knowledge is up to you.

I don't even know what I am...

1. I'm spiritual, not religious

2. My dream is to find a great husband and build a successful family

3. I would like to be kinda like a "housewife". I want to have my hobbies as a form to gain money (making videos, doing hair, painting) but I want my husband to provide me. I don't want to have a life focused on a full time job! I would rather spend more time with kids than working

4. I don't consider my self as conservative

5. I'm very feminine and I do believe that I can be happier with a more "vulnerable energy"

6. I believe that as a woman, my appearance is too powerful to not use it: I never go out without dressing up in a elegant way because it's a waste of opportunity.

7. I hate hook-up culture (that includes the "mainstream" music)

I think you need to realize most sahms here used to work too. We had our “own money” before transitioning. Some of us still do actually.

When it comes to leadership/decision making, Fascinating Womanhood divides two roles: The Task Leader (man) and The Relationship Leader (woman). They are both leaders, but different kinds. I won't get into more details about it, but you can watch Dixie talk about it in this video.

On the decision making, from the Fascinating Womanhood book:

When there is a decision leader in the home, he keeps the family focused on primary objectives and redirecting, when needed, discussions and priorities to what matters most. It’s a matter of objective focus, and so it is a natural job for the task leader. Taking the lead in major family decisions means to organize, guide discussions, emphasize valid points, offer opinions, and actively seek the advice and thoughts of the relationship leader before coming to a final conclusion. For efficiency purposes, someone needs to have a final say in major decisions. Small matters can be delegated, but life often punishes the indecisive.

I hope this clears up your question about subservience.

Lol you don’t have to fit into a specific box. I’m a housewife and stay at home mom and very happy with this arrangement. I have no desire to pursue my own career or anything other than raising children and keeping our home in order. I leave all the man stuff to the man of the house. I’m Christian as well, would consider myself pretty old school. Not a feminist by any means, politically leaning towards the right. Except I’m also covered in tattoos and like to play video games. If you took one look at me, you’d never guess I am who I am lol. Everyone is different and has their own special interests. Please don’t try to fit any ideal. Be who you are! :)

“Get in a fight”? Do you mean an actual physical altercation with another human?

Just wanted to ask that.

Financial independence: I basically spend whatever I want on the credit card he pays but I also get a set amount in cash that he has no say in or oversight of.

I expect once you do have kids, you will realize that’s a pretty full-time type job (especially on top of cooking and cleaning and gardening and whatever else you have going on - for me it’s dog care and a yoga addiction).

Subservience is not a thing my husband or I do. We have more of a “give a crap” scale where if I feel strongly, I win and if he feels strongly, he wins. But that requires a level of self awareness to say “I just don’t actually care enough to go against how you feel.”

To your last point; Femininity: I spend most of my day sweating, covered in dog hair, and often wearing rubber boots. I try to be clean and presentable when he gets home, but that rarely involves a dress. He gets “dressed up” about as often as I do. When we are going out.

"Id rather be comfortable than cater to his ego".

I know you said this in regards to his ability to provide, but it was striking to me, as I read another post where you say you still have a male friend you talk to and hang out with that you had sex with. Might want to look at your words and see how you speak so glowingly of the friend and critical / doubtful of the fiancee. I think a redpill woman would at least want to make HER man feel like THE man. His checking your phone & stuff is weak behavior, but you don't even care about his feelings on the matter. You'd rather be comfortable than cater to his ego. I guess I can see why. Most guys with a healthy ego and a little relationship experience would leave that situation pretty easily.