My husband started night shifts (2pm-1230am) last week, I only see him for a few minutes in the morning before I leave for work, and when he kisses me goodnight when he gets home. I've found this very hard because up until now we've had similar schedules and shared our evenings. This is his first job in his career field, and we couldn't be more excited. He's loving his job and I've never seen him happier. I miss him dreadfully during the week, but I can reassure myself that he's happy so I should be happy.
Despite missing him, I'm even more dedicated as a wife. I know he needs me to run things at home while he's at work. I also know he's dead tired when he gets home and he doesn't want to do much other than eat and sleep, so I make sure those needs are met, even if I'm already asleep by having dinner prepared for him and the house clean.
Is anybody else in a similar situation? How do you make time with your husband special when you DO see each other? What do you do special during the week that would make his day (night)?
TheThingsIThink 8y ago
One of the best things my ex did for me when I was on nights was cook me food. Either to take to work or for my 8pm breakfast
PursuingGrace 8y ago
The first three years of our marriage, my husband worked overnights. And while they were supposed to be 12 hour shifts, because he was a captain, he often ended up doing 14 or fifteen hour shifts. What really made him happy was how flexible I was in regards to how unstable his clock out time tended to be. I learned to figure out exactly how long it took him to get home, so I could have breakfast ready and waiting when he walked in the door. It was a small gesture on my part, but he really enjoyed having that time with me in the mornings. I also made sure that coffee was ready, and a cup was on his night stand when his alarm went off. I made sure that his home was a relaxing place that gave him a break from dealing with prisoners. The house was always clean and quiet when he was home. And I made sure that his favorite guilty pleasure show was recorded every day, so he could watch it as he was getting ready for work. He works a 'normal' 7-4 job now, and I have honestly found it harder for us to get used to that than what we had going when he had the demanding job.
orangekayla 8y ago
I'm working towards him coming home to a clean home every night. Housework is something I struggle with though, but having his happiness as my motivator is helping immensely. I need to find a special something for him to come home to, like you did with your husband's shows. I think I might follow /u/SuperSlavisWife idea about baking, as I used to bake for him quite a bit when we were teenagers.
memoryofpetals 8y ago
Your baking comment reminded me, sometimes I rinse glasses and then put them in the freezer, so they frost up nicely for an ice cold g&t or beer. It looks fancy.
SuperSlavisWife 8y ago
Jon works split shifts. 6-6. So this week has been all days, 6am until 6pm, which is great for me. I get up, have a cuddle, help him get ready, see him off, do some tutoring, some writing, fix the house and then he's home for the evening. But generally he works half days, half nights. Nights are 6pm until 6am, so he gets up around lunch time, I often still have housework and students to see whilst he gets up and dressed and we catch a meal together before he leaves, we can only text until 12 at the latest as I have students in the mornings and when he gets home I'm fast asleep. It's hard.
But we do work around it.
1: Make sure to do everything when he is out or asleep. You don't want to not see him for the few hours he's home.
2: Adjust your sleep cycle as best you can. Days I am awake 4am until 9pm, like him. Nights I am awake 8am until 12pm. It gives you a little extra.
3: Bake. Seriously, just put fresh bread and cakes in the oven whilst you do other things and send him to work with home-baked goods and wake him up with hot pastries. Baking is definitely another love language.
4: Whenever you can, pick up the phone. If he calls and you're awake, even if you're a little busy, if you can make five or ten minutes to chat during his breaks, it can make all the difference. Also, send him nice texts. Not just wife texts ("dishwasher is on", "what do you want for dinner?", "what was the doctor's number?"), but make a point of sending ones reminding him how important he is.
5: Be grateful. Night shifts are a sacrifice he is making for the both of you.
6: Make an elaborate dinner/breakfast once or twice a week so you can enjoy time together and have a proper talk.
7: Offer to help him out with everything. When we're on nights, Jon and I try and squeeze ourselves into as much of the other's time as possible, as we know we will be apart. When our days off align, we go somewhere nice in the country, do weights, have a relaxed evening, eat some junk food and watch anime. We will try and do all our chores together.
8: Relax and don't let him know when you feel a little down because of it. Not when he's at work. As long as it's just a temporary drop in mood, get busy and get your mind off it. You don't want to make him sad or too concerned. Save any emotional complaints until he's home and relaxed. Saying "I really missed you last night" is endearing. Sending 40 texts about how alone and scared you feel is upsetting.
And above all: take care of yourself, your home and him. If come the weekend he's smiling and happy with you smiling and happy on his arm, then you're doing great. All the best! e-hugs sent
orangekayla 8y ago
I've been working on having a clean home for him. Being a new wife and all, housework and household management is not my forte yet, but I'm making a more concentrated effort now that he comes home tired. Knowing he is doing this for us and our future gives me such a boost, I find just thinking about it motivates me to go clean something. Adjusting my schedule is hard because I work early, but I have been making sure to get up for at least a few minutes when he gets home. Thank you for reminding me to take care of myself, I think we all need that now and then!
olympiaa 8y ago
I think this is great advice.
I'm in a slightly different but similar situation in that my husband travels often in Asia for work (6-7 hours ahead) and I know how much he appreciates that I adjust my sleep schedule for him. I make sure to go to bed early so I can be awake to chat with him when he wakes up for work or if he wants to talk during his breaks.
memoryofpetals 8y ago
Sometimes my husband works nights (he is this week) or has to get up at 3 a.m. A few things I do:
orangekayla 8y ago
I've been leaving notes for him lately about this and that, he seems to like it more than random texts! I made an effort this week to get up before him on Saturday and start breakfast and clean a bit, which he absolutely adored. I hadn't thought about flowers or something extra for the table! It would definitely be a mood booster. And I absolutely adore f.lux! It has made all the difference.
memoryofpetals 8y ago
Oh! I also put f.lux (justgetflux.com) or the Twilight app on our phones, for better sleep and less eye strain. We're both looking at screens all day and it was like a blue sun in our bedroom at night if he turned on his phone.
jenna_r 8y ago
Aside from the break my husband took due to an injury, we've worked opposite shifts and different days off for the majority of our 10 years living together. Him swing and me days due to the nature of our jobs. When we had days off together we spent more time at home and working out together. With opposite shifts we do a lot more "date" type activities (archery, bowling, restaurants, movies) to maximize our short time together.
orangekayla 8y ago
He put me in charge of picking out an activity for the both of us to do on the weekend and running the plan by him. It gives us both something to look forward to when the week is long!