This time of year inevitably leads to contemplation, reflection, and thoughts of change. Finding this sub was, from the very start, a welcomed and unexpected surprise for me. I have gotten to know some of the ladies here fairly well over the past year, and I am thankful to count them among my friends. There has also been a steady stream of new users, from every walk of life, geographical location, and age. Our community consists of young teenagers, just starting to grapple with what it means to be a young adult, and older ladies that want to turn over a new leaf with a desire to try doing things a bit differently. Whether you are single, in a committed relationship, or married – the RPW sub offers a bevy of material to sift through, but it also acts as a way to reach out and connect with others.
I have seen many of the ladies here struggle, learn, grow, and flourish - and it’s both a joy and an honor to witness these journeys. At the end of the day, most of us are wildly different in personality, political beliefs, religion, and points of view. What holds us all together is a desire to be better than we are right now, in this moment. We strive to minimize our weaknesses, and strengthen our relationships. Focus on what you can control: your actions, your words, and your thoughts.
Remember that success hinges on what you do, not on what other people say or think. Progress is not always a straight line, and setbacks are a part of life. If you stumble, learn from that experience, and move on. Be honest with yourself, and don’t shy away from a challenge.
I have learned a great deal from my interactions on this sub, and there are stories here that have (on more than one occasion) moved me to tears. We have witnessed pain, loss, confusion, anger, despair, and stubbornness – it’s true. But we have also witnessed (and created) hope, joy, relief, and love. We all have problems and complications in our lives, and no one here is perfect by any means. Flaws are not, by definition, negative. The key is to know the difference between harmless quirks, and detrimental habits – and that often takes both time and effort. If you feel tired, or down-trodden, remember to take a break. It’s important to understand that this is not a sprint - it’s a marathon that will last for the rest of our lives. There’s no shame in needing to step back and rest for a short while.
To those of you that have allowed me to become part of your life – thank you. To those of you that don’t know me, I hope that changes. I encourage all of you to hop onto the IRC chat, most of the Mods hang out there along with other regular users. If instant chat isn’t your cup of tea, I completely understand. Understand that you can always message me or one of the other Moderators at any time.
If you happen to be a lurker, or a subscriber that comments very sparingly – I would like to encourage you to push yourself a bit. Make a post, comment, send suggestions for changes you would like to see implemented on the sub to the Modmail. This community is only as good as the people that contribute to it, so don’t hesitate to leave your mark and help improve the RPW sub.
I wish you all the best, and I thank you for helping to create this wonderful community.
Take care and be well. :0)
runhard_runfast 10y ago
Over the last week I've discovered RPW. I've had glimpses of these feelings over the years, feelings that I'm tired of trying to take the lead and it never brings any satisfaction, feelings of sadness that men in today's society are looked on as a big joke. I am glad to have found this group of people and I look forward to exploring what it means to be a RPW.
vintagegirlgame 10y ago
Question: How does the IRC chat work? I've tried going over there a couple times but don't really understand how it's set up. Thanks!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
You pick a username (one similar to your reddit username helps minimize confusion) and then click on join. Are you getting kicked off or having trouble connecting? I use irccloud which is very convenient and I like the layout a lot.
vintagegirlgame 10y ago
Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude!!!
Reading this sub has become an important discipline for me. Like anything in life it takes days, months, years of steady practice before we are able to change old habits. I'll read a bit and get inspired, but if I neglect this sub for a while my performance and attitude will slip a notch and I'll come running back for fresh inspiration. Everyday I get closer to becoming the best version of myself possible and soon enough the lessons will be fully internalized.
I know I'm on the right path when men from my SO, to his best friends to complete strangers say "Why can't you teach other women how to be more like you?" And I humbly smile on the inside and thank all of you as my teachers. Also, I believe that the best way to learn something is to teach it. Every time we add a comment, question or our advice we are learning about ourselves as well as showing support for others in the community and maybe sharing a valuable lesson. So lurkers come out and share! Your contribution brings value to others as well as to yourself!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
You raise some excellent points, and I fully agree - teaching is a wonderful way to refine your understanding. Breaking down a situation and explaining it in a way that another person hasn't considered isn't always the easiest thing to do - especially when you're online and talking to someone that has no notion of your real life personality (or you their's). It's not easy - but I fully believe that it is worthwhile.
I'm glad that others recognize your tendencies in a positive way.
Keep up the good work, and thank you for the comment. :0)
eatplaycrush 10y ago
I owe you gals a lot and since I started here a lot with me personally and within my relationship has changed for the better. Thanks for all that you do here and thanks for never pointing me in the wrong direction.
This year is going to be such a good year and I hope it's like that for everyone here.
PhantomDream09 10y ago
I'm glad your relationship has been changing for the better, and don't forget that you have also provided some very thoughtful advice and helped others as well.
:0)
Lady_Motido 10y ago
Happy New Year Phantom :) Like you, I've made new friends here in the past year who have helped me through some very trying times. What I especially like about the ladies here is that they are not just going to tell you what you want to hear but what you NEED to hear; that in my mind is true friendship.
I'm so very grateful for this sub and for all the effort you and the other mods put into making this a 'virtual' home for us like-minded women. RPW has indeed instilled hope, joy, love and relief for me and from all the FR I've read, many others as well. Keep doing what you're doing, you're bringing change and awareness to many.
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Thank you for the kind words Lady_Motido. I agree with you by the way, honesty is vital for any any bond to succeed (whether it's a friendship or a relationship/marriage). It's always a pleasure to read your comments, and see your take on a particular situation.
I think this community means a lot to many different people, and this will always be a place for newcomers to come and explore if they have the interest and the gumption to see it through.
:0)
chokingonit 10y ago
Hello!
I left a post here the other day and it was removed! I messaged the mods and never heard back. Could my post be considered for submission?
Thank you, and Happy New Year!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Hi there chokingonit, I replied to you in Modmail. :0)
muliebritee 10y ago
After lurking for so long, I only wonder why I didn't join sooner. This sub has been a major source of inspiration and motivation for me, not only to better myself, but to have clarity and a sense of control over my future. I used to think of attraction as a mysterious forces and that I would stumble upon 'the one' and make it work. Luckily I have a clearer picture now. :) This is valuable collection of knowledge & experiences here. I hugely appreciate everyone's contributions so far and hopefully in the new year I will start posting myself!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
It's amazing how much simpler life becomes once you understand certain things, isn't it? I always want to hug my friends when they talk about how confusing romantic relationships are - because for them it's a bit like throwing darts when you don't even know where the dartboard is. I think many people don't really take the time to know themselves, or identify what's truly important to them - and that mindset coupled with the "see what happens" atmosphere of dating is a recipe for confusion and heartache.
I'm glad that you stepped out of "lurker" mode and started contributing. May I ask why you were hesitant at first? I've heard from a few former lurkers that it's a bit intimidating - especially if they didn't think they had anything worthwhile to add. Or they were concerned about doing something wrong and stirring up trouble. There's nothing wrong by any means with only reading - I just like having the opportunity to get to know more people, and I think participation adds a new level to everything...you're part of the discussions and you're interacting and affecting other people. I think of it as the difference between reading a book and helping to write one. I love reading, but it's very different to sit down and try to create something new. Anyway, I'm babbling. :0)
muliebritee 10y ago
I felt exactly the same way while on the phone with my sister. She recently set up a OKC profile and I asked her what kind of guy she was looking for. She didn't have an answer ("If it feels right..."). My friends, too, tend to "feel their way" through relationships. In my mind, that's like walking blindfolded through a minefield haha.
Initially I lurked to get acquainted with the sidebar material and internalize the information. I had already read Fascinating Womanhood and some traditionalist blogs so the transition was easy for me. I wouldn't say I was intimidated by the sub :) I just like to prepare myself before jumping in.
vintagegirlgame 10y ago
If she's open to it, you could offer to help her edit her OKC profile. I'm sure the process would help her define her goals and you could help sprinkle a little RP magic dust over it ;)
PhantomDream09 10y ago
That's entirely reasonable. I was very hesitant to participate when my SO introduced me to the sub because I was entirely unfamiliar with reddit, and I also didn't want to overstep in any way. There's a quote that goes something like "Success loves preparation" (I can't remember the exact wording at the moment), and I think that's true.
I agree the 'if it feels right...' and 'there has to be that special something' are statements that rely too much on chance. There are always certain things that should be consistent and identifiable that go beyond "tall, muscular, and handsome." Attraction is important, but it's possible to find chemistry with many different kinds of men (in terms of appearance). Preferences are all well and good, but deal-breakers should only refer to core aspects that are paramount to personal happiness (for example, a woman shouldn't date a man that has no interest in building a family when she's always wanted children).
muliebritee 10y ago
So true, and being able to describe what I find attractive makes dating seem less daunting. I went on two dates with a guy pre-RPW and despite having nice conversation, I felt zero attraction for him and it bothered me. The worse part was not knowing why I wasn't attracted - because in my eyes, there was nothing wrong with him. Looking back I realize that he was pretty beta (supplicating, complimented me a lot, had me lead the date).
It's also a huge relief to understand what men want as a group. I know the trope is that women are mysterious and men are easy to figure out, but I genuinely did not understand men at all. I had to relearn the simplest things, like respect. I do think this sub's made me a more empathetic person. I find myself observing people a lot more, especially couples.
rpMwafrika 10y ago
I found this sub late 2013 and a few weeks later I met my now SO. You all couldn't have come at a better time. My relationship has flourished with the helpful tips from this sub. You ladies have been wonderful and so helpful. I've learned, what I suspected, that I'm imperfect. There is always room for improvement. I'm still learning. As Phantom said, it's a marathon. I still make mistakes but instead of beating myself up I ought to learn from them. I wish all of you ladies, guys, lurkers, mods and even BP haters a Happy New Year!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
I'm glad that your relationship is going strong and improving. That's one of the most amazing things to me - no matter how great a relationship is - there's always an opportunity to make it better. I find that incredibly hopeful and inspiring. There is no such thing as perfection, for anyone, anywhere on the planet, and perfection shouldn't even be the goal. It's about achieving happiness, contentment, love, and understanding. Sometimes the road is smooth and easy, other times there are very steep inclines that will push you to your breaking point - but every challenge is simply an opportunity to grow. No one has all the answers, and I learn something new every day about myself, or my SO, or our relationship in general (sometimes all of the above haha).
It's okay to stumble and slip - the important part is how you react and what you take away from that experience.
All the best to you. :0)
TheToastTot 10y ago
Happy New Year everyone!
I'm very, very happy to have found this sub. I've grown so much this year, and so many good things have happened to me. I reached my goal weight, fell in love, and am now with my first boyfriend who is such an amazing guy. My confidence has definitely increased, as well as my outlook in life.
A BIG thanks to everyone in the IRC, to everyone that helped me out, gave advice, and listened to my ramblings on there. You guys have no idea how much you guys helped me. Thank you.
And I swear I'll finally write that Field Report I promised you, Phantom! :D
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Haha no worries Tot, I try to encourage everyone I can to create original content. Get around to it when and if you can. :0)
I'm so happy about your relationship and that things are continuing to go well. Ramblings on IRC are always encouraged haha.
blonde_locks 10y ago
I'm glad to have met you and the rest of the fab women and men who are part of the RPW community. I grew a ton this past year and have the scars to prove it. In a couple days, I move countries to be with my Captain and I do that being much more aware of the skills it takes for this to last 50 years. Thanks a million, luvvies!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Good luck with your move, I hope the transition isn't too stressful for either of you!
Please be sure to update us on how things are going when you have some time. :0)
blonde_locks 10y ago
Thank you so much and I will!
rpBlueSkye 10y ago
Lurking sub here. 2014 definitely has been a year, and not an easy one. But I do know that if I hadn't stumbled upon RPW I would have had a much harder time. Beginning of the year started with a miscarriage right before my 1st year marrige anniversary. Just after that we found out my husbands company was being bought out and we didn't know if he would jave a job. After 3 months of not knowing, found out he was being laid off.
As you can imagine, I was a complete emotional mess. But yall have help me out. I've learned a lot. I've learned to let go more. Rely more on my husband who has always been willing to help me. As soon as I steped back he stood up. The article "be his soft landing spot" I couldn't have found at a more perfect time. We've both supported eachother though this year and have become stronger and closer as a couple than I thought we could.
So many lessons learned. So much gained. I can't wait to see what the next year brings. So thank you!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
I'm sorry you had a miscarriage, and that 2014 was so tumultuous for you and your Husband. That said, I am glad that you found some amount of comfort and insight here because really, that's the highest compliment anyone can give in my opinion.
I'm glad that you've been absorbing useful information and that things have been getting better for you. I hope things continue to improve, and I hope you know that the RPW sub will always be here for you if you need any help.
Take care. :0)
tintedlipbalm 10y ago
I'm grateful for having found this this year. Before finding it I was fortunately already on my way, I've always looked for answers but was still unsure of many things, disappointed with the concept of marriage that I had, disillusioned with life in general. Now, everyday I get closer to being at peace with being vulnerable, to accept and recognize some of my behaviors that lead to negativity, to be accountable and above all to keep changing into a better person.
Next year has many challenges for me, and that is scaring and exciting at once. I wish everyone here a happy new year and may us have the discipline to achieve our goals!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
I'm glad you found this sub, and that it's been useful to you so far.
Do you know what your goals are specifically? Or are they more general in nature?
I'm determined to get back into writing letters and drawing more, and fortunately the holidays have offered a great opportunity for both. I mailed off all my holiday cards before December, and I wrote all my thank you cards when I got home after celebrating Christmas with my friends and family. I also sent a few letters to some out of state friends (we used to write each other all the time, and I'd like to get back into the habit of exchanging mail with them).
Vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of, and it can be unnerving at times. The key is to surround yourself with good people that have your best interests at heart (easier said than done I know - but by no means impossible).
:0)
tintedlipbalm 10y ago
Mostly learn some new recipes. That's like my main area of opportunity. I also want to draw more, I love to paint but I dread composition and that's really what I know I need to better first.
Well I'm now more comfortable being vulnerable, I didn't really post through my stages of pill taking, but looking back I started at a really harsh place, and RPW definitely helped so I want you all to know this even though I didn't really verbalize it before.
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Do you have any recipes in mind that you'd like to try? I want to cook more seafood. I also just watched a video on how to remove the bones from a turkey while keeping the skin intact and then roll it up with string.
tintedlipbalm 10y ago
Mole sauce from scratch, tamales from scratch, basically traditional food that I love and don't know how to make (and that I will miss if I never do). I've also tried to bribe my baker so he gives me some of his bread recipes, to no avail.
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Interesting, I've never had a tamale or mole sauce - I'll have to change that sometime. If you find some recipes that you like, please be sure to share them!
TheTerrorSquad 10y ago
Daaaaaw happy new year Phant!!! It's been most awesome being a part of this sub and all the people I've met over the past year and how it's helped me. Heres to many more! X Lots of love from a very squiffy Theterrorsquad
PhantomDream09 10y ago
TTS it's been a blast getting to know you and learning from you. I look forward to many more chaotic, laughter filled years here as well. :0)
aZombieKitten 10y ago
I'm so grateful to have found this sub (thanks to my SO). I have grown so much within the time that I've been here, and there's still so much more to learn about and understand. The tough love that's given here is important and constructive, even if it can seem harsh to others. I do wish more women would strive towards the kinds of lives we advocate here so that they, too, can experience the happiness that's gained from using this knowledge to better themselves and their relationships.
I imagine next year will be just as amazing, with all new inspirational field reports and a variety of new discussions. I can't wait to see what new information can be gained and how many others will find success with it.
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Field Reports are some of my favorite posts to read, hopefully there will be some new ones after the holidays are over.
aZombieKitten 10y ago
I hope so too! I love reading them, from both seasoned and new members alike.
[deleted] 10y ago
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Do you have any exciting plans HHL?
[deleted] 10y ago
Nope, boring old lady new year + sexytimes
PhantomDream09 10y ago
Haha, that doesn't sound boring to me. Occam and I will be busy putting our home in order and then (hopefully) taking some time to relax.
:0)