Suppose you are unsatisfied with your man. Maybe he doesn’t dress as well as you’d like, maybe you wish he would lose some weight and bulk up, maybe you wish he’d get off the couch and be more active, maybe you wish he’s be less supplicating and pedestalizing and be more forceful, maybe you wish he was more sexy in bed.

Here are some tips on how to motivate him to improve.

The main point is that you need to be a woman he feels it is worth improving for. You show me a husband who is fat, unmotivated, lazy, and dispirited, and I’ll show you a wife who is fat, shrewish, nagging, and sloppy. There are millions of couples who are stuck in a downward spiral where they don’t feel their mate is worth improving for, and so they lower their own self-standards, which causes their mate to think they aren’t worth giving their best, and so drop their own standards. Most people settle for the easy way of being unsatisfied with their spouse, but not wanting to put in any effort to improve themselves. That is the easiest way; it doesn’t require any effort, even though it leaves everyone unsatisfied. We need to start raising standards and feeling that our mate is worth giving our best.

There is one caveat that makes this more difficult that it otherwise would be, and that is that you need to retain your respect for your husband through all this. If you just told your husband “go to the gym,” and even he did it, the very act of supplicating to you by following orders will cause you to lose respect. And so we need a way to motivate him by producing a sense of self-worth that you find attractive.

So here are some tips. --Exercise: motivating someone to lose weight and stay in shape has proven one of the most difficult issues of our time. The truth is, the only reason a typical man would stay in shape for a fat woman is if his job in some way required physical fitness, or he was hoping to dump her and attract someone else. To motivate a man to stay in shape, you yourself need to be worth staying in shape for. But just the fact that you get in shape may not be enough to motivate him. He might think that he’s lucky to have a woman who stays in shape and still likes him for who he is. So I am going to recommend the very dangerous game of instilling dread in your spouse. Get in shape and then be seen flirting with other fit men. This is extremely dangerous because I am afraid you will actually act on your hypergamy and dump your husband for fitter men. Don’t do it! I am hoping to help relationships, not end them. In any case, he should see that he needs to get his ass in gear and work out. Be patient! Be understanding!

--Attire: to get him to dress better you need to dress better. Remember, dress in a way that will make his eyes pop out, you need to dress to impress him, not the frumpy women you work with. Do this for a while and then stop and go back to dressing like a slob. If you did it right he will really miss the way you were dressing and ask you why you stopped. Say “it just wasn’t any fun being the only one. It actually made me feel lonely.” This should give him the hint. If he doesn’t react, you weren’t dressing in a way that he liked.

--Activity: you want him to take you out for the evening, or to a show, or away for the weekend, but he is a couch potato and never wants to do anything. Answer: tie everything to food and sex. The old truism that men are motivated by food and sex and little else is true. Say “Let’s go to the coast for the weekend. We can eat at that great seafood place you like, and then get a motel room.” Coo “I’ll bring that negligee you like…” Or, let’s go see that musical that is opening. We can eat at the steak house and then spend the night at the Marriott.” Coo “I’ll wear the French maid uniform you like…” He should spring off the couch and make reservations right away.

--He’s too supplicating: The blue pill has poisoned men into thinking that being nice and supporting is what women want, when actually women come to despise weak and supplicating men. In my blue pill days I saw numerous relationships crumble before my eyes as the more I worked to make her happy, the more she pulled away in disgust, which just made me redouble my efforts in making her happy. To get out of this, you need to introduce him to the manosphere. Send him a link to an article on a blog that explains the dynamics to him. Attach a note “I found this interesting.” Don’t belabor the point, don’t lecture, don’t nag, don’t scold. If he is slow to get the idea send him a few more such links.

--He’s not what you want in bed: this topic is too huge to tackle in one post. Without knowing what turns you on it is impossible to make recommendations. But assuming that you are bored with 5 minute mechanical sex and want to spice it up, you need to take the initiative. If you don’t communicate, men have no idea you are not satisfied. If you have been doing it the same way for years and haven’t indicated that you are unsatisfied, your man will assume that is because you are satisfied. You may need to actually become more in touch with your own turn ons in order to clearly perceive what it is you are missing. Your husband is not a mind reader. So instead you need to start dropping hints that you want something different. Wear something you wouldn’t ordinarily. Unzip his pants in the car. Say something naughty. Whatever it is that turns you on that you are not getting, move in that direction. His Blue pill conditioning might be making him feel that such things are disrespectful, and it can take a significant amount of time to undo this conditioning. But that ride can be a lot of fun if you go into it with the right attitude, and with the belief that greater satisfaction with life is the reward. If the end result is that you are fit, sexy, outgoing, and turn each other on, the trouble getting there is worth it. The alternative is that you spend your life not being the person you wish you were, and not spending it with the person you wish you were with.