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- Hide Preview | 28 Comments | submitted about a year ago by [deleted] [Post Locked]

I am aware this is typical for men, but has this happened to any red pill ladies? I am so confused right now.

I found a great guy and we recently became exclusive. We had sex for the first time a few days ago and it was really nice. I felt like maybe he could've attended to my needs more but also realise that it was the first time so it'll probably get better.

However the day after I felt really horrible and ever since I have had zero interest in seeing him. Already canceled one date with him and noticed I am feeling like dating other people... Is there a way to fix this? And how to ensure this doesn't happen again?

[-] Cloud_Riverdale 62 Points about a year ago

It sounds like there is something else going on here that you're not willing to admit to yourself yet.

[-] mauibaya 1 Point about a year ago

What do you think that could be?

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] merel-- 17 Points about a year ago

Honestly, sex for me is very important. Sex isn't supposed to be 'nice', it's supposed to blow my mind and leave me speechless for a little while. If it's just 'nice' I would also lose interest pretty quickly. But I would give this guy a chance, first time having sex with someone is always a bit awkward.

Maybe not the most popular opinion here but less than amazing sex is a deal breaker for me.

[-] Wolfssenger 22 Points about a year ago

Depends on the time frame. Expecting amazing sex when early on when your partner knows nothing of your sexual desires is pretty unreasonable.

[-] merel-- 3 Points about a year ago

I do expect amazing sex within the first few times I do it with someone. It's very much about the energy and connection between two people that makes sex amazing, exploring kinks with a partner makes the sex even more amazing but it doesn't help if 'it' just isn't there. In my experience, if the connection isn't there you can't really fix it and I wouldn't be able to live with 'nice' sex for the rest of my life.

[-] Wolfssenger 10 Points about a year ago

So it's not about sex, it's about your connection with the person that culminates in sex. You should learn to delineate the two if you're going to have such a rigid requirement.

[-] merel-- -1 Point about a year ago

Connection outside of bed and in bed are not the same thing, generally I have both but it can be different. Which is so fucking disappointing :(

[-] Wolfssenger 4 Points about a year ago

Then differentiate. What is the difference? Does the relationship and desire you've built become null once you enter the bedroom? This argument is fundamentally flawed, the whole reason you bring a man into your bed is because you've observed a good character, body, and mind. What else is there left to connect to? Are you emotionally connecting to his penis size? How he acts in the bedroom and tuning that is part of learning kinks, so obviously it's not that. What is left?

[-] merel-- -1 Point about a year ago

It's very hard to explain... Buttt I'm gonna try my best. It's very much about a vibe, maybe not caring about the others pleasure? Maybe confidence? But those are things that could be fixed when the correct energy is there... But if you don't have this thing that is very hard to explain it can't work.

Generally speaking you can already feel this magnetism when you talk to one another. Before I have been dealing with red pill philosophy I have had the problem of not having the same connection out of bed as in bed. Guys I found very exciting and interesting and I thought I had this thing with when we got to bed it just wasn't that great... I haven't experienced that since I've been active on this sub, don't know if I'm more conscious choosing partners or if it's a coincidence. But if it happened again I wouldn't continue the relationship if it didn't get better after the first encounter.

Do you sort of get it?

[-] Wolfssenger 4 Points about a year ago

You didn't say anything that related to anything concrete or even with a definition. "Vibes" and "feelings" are subjective, arbitrary, and worthless for amalysis and decision making if you cannot delineate their origin or significance. It's this kind of reliance on emotional state that leads to the majority of poor decisions.

Your entire post is a horribly elongated "it's a feeling". Your past cases of whatever phenomena you are attempting to convey are likely to be caused by some delusion or misconception in your part, not some governing principle that you can't do so much as loosely define.

[-] merel-- 4 Points about a year ago

It is very much emotional. I can't make it any more concrete for you because it just isn't, there isn't a magic trick that makes someone good in bed. It is a feeling, nothing more and nothing less.

I know this is hard to hear for guys, but no need to project your anger on me.

[-] Wolfssenger 2 Points about a year ago

My motivation is not anger. I can let my temper slip sometimes but the fact of the matter is I almost exclusively respond to correct logical deficiency.

As I outlined before, using feelings as a method for making decisions ruins lives. Emotions are useful for gathering information and occasionally for making snap judgements. Anything other decision should be thoroughly supported by logical analysis. This is why I refuse to accept your response or let you advocate for it without resistance. It promotes a poor mode of being.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] kd2912 7 Points about a year ago

What the hell are you doing generalising in such a way?

I'm not saying that one should put up with "meh" sex, but things aren't so black and white.

The first time I had sex with my last ex girlfriend it was good leaning towards great. And whaddya know... Starting the second and third times it went on to become mind-blowing every time and kept on improving up until the last time we slept together.

Talk about having ridiculous expectations.

[-] Wolfssenger 4 Points about a year ago

Every conclusion here is logically bereft. First of all using vague words without a definition like "sexual chemistry" and continuing to build a argument off of assumptions on this thing that is not even defined is a great way to sound smart to an idiot and sound like an idiot to anyone with a brain.

There's a wealth of psychological study that says the complete opposite. Sex becomes less frequent, but higher quality with time.

Secondly, unless you think you're some kind of exception(you may be, but it is very likely you are not)saying "this makes sense and I've seen it play out to some extent but I'm not going to believe or subscribe to it because lol" is so far removed from anything resembling reason I had to read it twice to make sure you weren't joking.

A fairly large portion of this sub makes the mistake of going halfway with the knowledge RP provides. They follow it from biological fact to sexual strategy and leave it there. However, any honest analysis of the facts gathered shows that it extends further into an ideal, or at least well supported organization of society and lifestyles.

People are afraid to admit or even consider this because for many it would suggest their current and past choices are poor or at least sub-optimal.

Willful denial of facts and self delusion will only serve to sour your life and the lives of those around you.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] pearlsandstilettos 1 Point about a year ago

As a self proclaimed non-RPW you should not be giving advice here.

[-] merel-- 1 Point about a year ago

Yeah, I prefer a long term, exclusive relationship with amazing sex.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] [deleted] 2 Points about a year ago

How does that work for women? If women are supposed to keep their ncount low, how are they supposed to have mind-blowing sex? I'm assuming men think the same way you do, yet they don't want a woman who sleeps around.

I guess it would work differently for men because they are expected to be more experienced.

[-] merel-- 1 Point about a year ago

I only have sex with men I have a real connection with. And I don't mind wasting 1 n for finding a partner who truly fits with me in every way. But that's probably an unpopular opinion.

[-] Pixie0310 13 Points about a year ago

How long have you guys been together? Any feelings that maybe it was too soon, or are the "really horrible" feelings you are describing related to guilt?

I know it's a weird question, especially in this age of sexual "liberation" - but I know I was raised really traditional and sometimes I'd find myself with those feelings of guilt / regret after sex, even when I really wanted to or thought it was the right time.

[-] moonchildcountrygirl 4 Points about a year ago

Sometimes that element of being vulnerable makes me want to take a break from someone or avoid them altogether afterwards, especially if you didn’t come you might be feeling evasive or awkward. I’d ride it out, maybe draw sex out a little bit more if there’s a next time. Teasing, more touching, stoping and starting, talking about what gets you going etc

[-] [deleted] 2 Points about a year ago

I personally would go see him one more time and see if that makes the reason apparent. Sometimes you just subconsciously know something isn’t right and disengage— or maybe there is something more obvious you haven’t come to terms with yet. Maybe the feeling will go away when you see him. I would just not want to end things with this lack of knowing. If he’s really a great guy, one more date won’t hurt. It may give you the clarity you need.

[-] Imnotarobotforrreal 1 Point about a year ago

Hes not the one.

Most likely the excitement of a new relationship and lust were driving your attraction to him. You need to wait a few of your monthly cycles to really gauge how you feel about someone. 90 days at least or you're gonna end up sleeping with a lot of losers

[-] [deleted] 1 Point about a year ago

Sounds like you may be experiencing a shame reaction to the sex, hence the aversion to the guy and general sense of feeling bad afterwards. If that is the case, you will need to do some soul searching about where your heart lies in terms of morality with timing of sex (like do you need more connection or even higher commitment to have shame free sex) because TRP isn't here to help with that part of things.

In terms of the sex not being amazing the first time, a lot of people experience that. I came the first time I had sex with my fiance but it still had awkward moments. It wasn't bad but it wasn't mind blowing either for me. Subsequent times though were, after the first time awkwardness was over with and our sex life is the most fulfilling I have ever had with some of the highest compatibility.

[-] AnarchoNAP 1 Point about a year ago

It sounds like you aren’t vetting people well enough. You said you because exclusive, but how long did you know each other? Was the relationship serious? Had you discussed relevant issues, or was this just casual dating with an exclusivity clause?