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- Hide Preview | 30 Comments | submitted 9 months ago by sodadrop [Post Locked]

I've seen these field reports on RPW before so I thought I'd try it out.

Getting Asked Out:

I've been working on putting myself out there and trying new things. I decided to attend a club meeting at my college. After the meeting, I said goodbye to everyone and went to leave. One of the guys joined me as I was leaving and initiated a conversation with me. We walked together and talked until we reached my dorm, at which point I said goodbye and went inside. It had been a reasonably pleasant conversation and as I walked up to my room I was kicking myself for forgetting to get the guy's name. However, just as I got to my room, I received a Facebook friend request from the guy, named "Guy". I waited a couple hours and then accepted the friend request.

Four days later, I woke up to a message from Guy asking what was up. Unsure of what he wanted, I responded vaguely and didn't ask him anything in return. However, he followed up with another question, so I responded with more enthusiasm. We began messaging back and forth, and this continued for a little over two weeks. At one point, I tried to give him an "out" in case he didn't want to keep messaging with me, so I responded with a conversation-ending answer to his question. In response to my non-response, he just asked a new question. As this progressed, it became clear to me that he was interested in me. However, we were messaging about mundane things and I was quickly getting bored of the mundane conversation and tired of waiting for him to ask me out, so my messages were becoming more and more infrequent. Finally, however, he asked me if I would like to dinner with him sometime. I agreed, and he suggested we go out on Friday at 5PM. I agreed. He asked what kind of food I liked to eat and he listed various options. I replied that my favourites were Chinese and Italian. He suggested an specific Chinese restaurant. I agreed. He asked me if I would like to drive with him to the restaurant. I, having no other means of transportation, agreed, and asked him where we should meet up. He suggested we meet at his dorm. I agreed. I felt that all was going very well in terms of him leading me and making decisions.

Preparing For Date:

On Thursday night, I set aside the evening to prepare for the date. I painted my nails, waxed, washed my hair early in the evening so that it would be dry enough to braid before bed. I spent the rest of the evening reading every post relevant to my situation in the RPW wiki, as well as mediating on the Bible.

On Friday morning, I picked out the dress I wanted to wear -- a simple, A-line dress that showed off my figure and made me feel feminine. I did my usual makeup routine (foundation, concealer, powder, blush, eyebrow gel, lipstick) but added in a few "special occasion" elements (primer, eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, highlighter). I felt that I looked my very prettiest, and as I walked around campus, I felt pretty and attractive and imagined that more people were looking at me than usual. However, I also felt that my outfit looked a bit too church-like and that I might look a tad overdressed / trying-too-hard for a casual dinner date, so I felt a bit insecure in my outfit for the date. As the day went on and as I prepared for the date, I became increasingly more nervous about the date. I think that all my preparations, which were supposed to make me feel more confident, ended up making me feel that the date was more important than it was and added more pressure to the date's success.

Actual Date:

At 5PM, I walked over to Guy's dorm. As I greeted him, my first thought was that he looked slightly disappointed with my appearance. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a nice jacket. He mumbled, then apologized and said something about how he was tired. He then led me to his car outside, which involved crossing the grass. As he led me to the grass, he looked at my 2-inch heeled ankle boots and asked me if I was okay walking across the grass (sidenote: which I totally was; these were my casual boots and I walk all over campus with them). This second look at my attire made me feel even more insecure about my outfit. We walked to his car and managed to get a pleasant conversation going. When we arrived at the restaurant, it was completely empty, which threw me. We sat down and continued our conversation as we looked at the menu. He leaned across the table to point at the menu and explain certain dishes to me, which I found very attractive. We each picked out a plate of dumplings, and he ordered for both of us, which I also found very attractive.

We talked about classes, friends, activities, vacations, families, etc. At times, the conversation died and we were only looking (at least in my case) awkwardly across the table at each other. During those awkward periods, I often looked over his shoulder at the couple who had just sat down behind him. Once, he noticed me looking in that direction and asked me if I knew the couple. However, we both tried to pick the conversation back up again, which we did. In an attempt to mitigate those awkward moments, however, I sometimes began blabbing about myself. I was trying to be submissive, but I also had a desire to be interesting and keep the conversation going. Mostly though, I tried to ask him more questions about himself. Yet, between me occasionally blabbing about myself and him asking me questions, I feel that the conversation mostly revolved around me and my interests.

We were sharing the dumplings, and eventually I was full, so I stopped eating. Eventually, as he kept eating, there were three dumplings left and he asked me if I was full, to which I said that I was. He said, "Ok, how about you eat one and I'll eat the other two." I found that very attractive as well. We finished our meal and the waitress brought him the check. He asked if I wanted him to pay for it or if I wanted to split it. I responded by asking him if he wanted to split it, to which he agreed. However, the waitress said that we could not split the bill. Guy then asked if I wanted to pay the bill or for him to pay the bill. I said he could pay the bill. After he paid, I offered him cash for half the bill since we had originally agreed to split the bill. He declined. We then left the restaurant and drove back to school. We again had a fairly pleasant conversation. I found it easier to talk in the car than in the restaurant. He drove me to my dorm. We sat in the car in front of my door for a few minutes as we finished up our conversation. As we talked, I made sure to turn and look at him. I then thanked him for inviting me out and said that I had had a nice time. I turned and looked at him a little longer, simultaneously hoping for and against a kiss. Then I picked up my purse, got out of the car, and said goodbye. He said something along the lines of "Bye, see you".


All in all, it felt like a disappointing date. It was pleasant in the sense that he was the first man I've dated who I've found truly attractive, but disappointing in terms of the outcome. He was confident and relaxed throughout the date. I was occasionally visibly nervous and unconfident. In the end, I was disappointed in myself for babbling too much and being too unconfident while trying hard. I also felt overdressed, particularly in comparison with his attire and the "looks" I felt like he gave my outfit. We also had almost nothing in common.


A guy asked me out. I then had my first dinner date (ever) with him. It was also my first date with a guy who I found attractive. He was relaxed. I was unconfident. The date ended with no kiss and no plans for future dates.

Questions: What did I do wrong / right? What could I have done better? Did he seem like Captain material? What should I do from here?

Thanks for reading!!