I know that RPW/TRP advocates for self-help/self-improvement in lieu of ‘talking things out’, but I’m interested in the idea of a marriage prep program.
Has anyone ever taken a marriage prep program of any kind (course, workbook, counseling, retreat...)?
Questions I have:
1) How valuable or insightful did you find it? In what ways? 2) Was it biased toward the female/verbal perspective, as is ‘stereotypical’ of counseling? 3) Was it secular or faith-based? 4) Was it geared toward addressing existing difficulties, or would it also be valuable to people trying to ‘make a good thing better’? 5) Did it teach actionable skills, or was it mostly fluffy? 6) Was it in alignment with your RP beliefs (in particular, RPW beliefs on respecting your husband)?
Any other advice on marriage prep is more than welcome!!!!
Rivkariver 5y ago
I did Catholic marriage prep with my ex fiancé. It was mostly neutral, some slight BP moments but mostly ok.
It worked because it brought up differences between us that were shocking to me. Even though we had talked things out, I learned a lot I wouldn’t have thought to ask. For example, they asked what intimacy meant to us. I was saying it was physical, emotional, mental. My ex laughed at me like I was dumb and asked how I could possibly think intimacy meant anything but sex.
I actually walked out a couple times.
The same marriage prep course required by my church helped many of my friends have strong marriages and start on the right foot. Above all it facilitates communication. I’m extremely grateful I was spared from marrying my ex, as we were a terrible match and dating for the wrong reasons.
I do recommend a faith based course.
Makrii817 5y ago
I completed Symbis with my husband! It’s a faith based one but it was super helpful and I highly recommend it! You can find counselors near you for it online too
synthjw 5y ago
Cool! I was looking into that one, I’m glad you recommend it!
Makrii817 5y ago
Sorry I was at work and missed the questions you asked but I'll answer them now since you're interested!
1) I personally found it really valuable and I know my husband did too. There's a different workbook for men and women and it helps open up discussions about things you didn't realize could be issues 2) It wasn't stereotypical of counseling, but that may also be because I really liked our counselor. He was our youth pastor and helped us go deeper than the workbook and the chapters 3) It was faith based but not overly so 4) Geared toward both I would say! It talks about the differences between men and women and resolving those things, but it definitely helped make a good thing between my husband and I even better 5) Very actionable, we still do one of the nightly exercises to make sure we communicate well with one another 6) Pretty well aligned with RP, talks about the husband as the head of the home but also viewing marriage as a partnership where you make decisions together
Hope it helps!
LaneysWorld2 5y ago
I was part of a catholic courting group and still am! The man I am courting right now is wonderful and I hope we can get married by the end of the year, I'm so excited!! :)
[deleted] 5y ago
My husband and I are not religious, but my parents stated they would ONLY help financially with our wedding if we were married in a church. I picked a Methodist Church with a female pastor, she required we complete 6 weeks of premarital counseling to be married in her church as non-members. At first, we both groaned. Marriage couseling? With a PASTOR? We had already been cohabitating for 3 years and thought we had it all figured out. It ended up being very useful.
She had us read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is about how different people express and recieve love in different ways. My PRIMARY love language is quality time, I know he loves me when he spends time with me. It is important to express love to me through the act of gift giving. Gifts are not as important to my husband, his PRIMARY love language is acts of service. He knows I love him when I do things for him. We agreed that no matter what to make quality time for each other once a week, and before we were ever married "Sunday Date Day" was born. No matter how busy we get in a week, on Sunday, we go on a date together and spend quality time with one another. It has been a standing date for more than five years now. For acts of service, I try to do things for him whenever I can. His little sister was here and needed to go back to the airport and he was DREADING taking her to Denver in 5pm traffic. I drove her to Denver and made sure she got to the gate as an act of service to my husband. He knows I love him and will try to make his life easier whenever I can.
I don't feel like it was biased towards one sex at all. It was about learning about EACH OTHER, how to better communicate with one another. We had to draw our family trees and talk about the history of marriages in our families. My family has a lot of unhappy marriages I've seen, but divorce is unacceptable. His family, most everyone is on spouse #3 or #4. It was helpful to understand how our families may have shaped our attitudes on marriage and to learn from their mistakes.
I don't think it was RP. Our marriage vows did not include obey. She did not task us with different obligations as husband and wife. We were both tasked to "love one other person the way that God loves us." And we did vow at our wedding to always call a marriage counselor before a divorce attorney.
Ok_Philosopher 5y ago
I like watching Marriage Today. It's super religious and kinda campy: I feel like I should be living in a small town in the bible belt to fit in with the audience... but damn it delivers good relationship advice. It places a lot of personal accountability on the state of one's marriage and I think that's very important. It doesn't necessarily teach actionable skills as much as it is about adopting the best mentality conducive to a happy marriage. But that to me is half the battle.
LateralThinker13 5y ago
I recommend reading Fascinating Womanhood. Not heavily religious-based, works for anybody in a relationship (married or not) and builds very good habits.
synthjw 5y ago
Agreed!!! I’ve been re-reading it recently and no matter how many times you go through it there’s always new stuff to absorb!
[deleted] 5y ago
Marriage courses are super valuable.
synthjw 5y ago
Do you have any specific recommendations?
[deleted] 5y ago
I completed a church based one before but I see online there are some private coaches who teach based on the fascinating womanhood principles
Edit: I got downvoted lol. Touchy crowd.