My husband builds a life for me in the sense of providing and organising certain activities. My husband builds a life with me in the sense of raising a family and my support for his personal goals and vice versa.

He's got my back in my weak areas and vice versa. Seems simple enough to me.

I feel like you've been overimbibing on The Red Pill reading. Men don't want a child. They, too, want a partner, because scolding their wife for buying another pair of shoes, when money is tight, is exhausting. The novelty of feeling like the only adult in the house, wears off quickly.

You're only seeing men through the lense of a 19-year-old and the way they interact with you and your peers. The reason men treat you like a child is because, to many of them, you still are a child. As you get older and prove that you're capable of being a partner, they'll start seeing that potential. Improve yourself. Make good decisions.

I agree with other comments that I think your view will expand a bit with time / experience.

You say you don't need to be protected and led, but sometimes we "need" things without fully knowing or realising we need them. We don't "need" to drink water, for example - we could survive on soda - but we won't be happy or healthy. So, in a way, we do "need" water. Whether women are aware of it or not, they have a psychological and emotional need for a strong, leading partner - they might not die without it, but they will certainly be much better off with it.

As far as men wanting a partner, they definitely do. They just don't need that partner to be another man. They've got that side covered - they need a partner who can take care of the things they don't have covered. I'm 12 years younger than my fiance, and much less experienced in life, in general. He still tells me he could not succeed or function as well as he does if he didn't have me. And still, I know he sees me as sometimes immature, silly, and girlish. This is not always a bad thing, and probably helps with our sexual attraction. But when it comes down to it, I am detail-oriented, a good motivator, willing to help him with work, a hard worker myself, loving, giving, good to his kids, etc. All while being young & sometimes silly compared to him.

Also, there's a bigger difference from teenagers to people who are 20, vs say - a 35 y/o and a 25 y/o. You'll see that as you get older too, I think - teenagers haven't reached maturity yet, but people are fairly developed once in their early to mid 20s, and though we gain experience after that, we aren't still maturing the way teenagers still have to do.

Being young and pleasant attracts a man, but so does being a hard worker, kind, interesting, etc. It depends on the stage of life and the mindset of the man. Not all good captains are by-the-book RPers. Most probably aren't. Mine isn't. He's a natural alpha who hasn't read a sentence of RP. He could've gotten "young and pleasant" anywhere - and before me, he did - but what locked him down was my being understanding, enterprising, helpful and supportive. He definitely didn't want another teenager to look after, and even though we aren't "peers" in age, experience, or career - we are most certainly partners - in business, family, and life.

Folks on this sub overemphasize youth. Yeah, men think young women are hot, and I would say most tend to prefer slightly younger partners, but most guys do want someone vaguely age appropriate and interesting. The kind of 30 year olds who would go after 20 year olds are not the kind of guys I want to date (30 and 40 is a way different story), and I’m not short on options personally.

The upside is that being young gives you a wider range of slightly to very older partners to choose from. You have the opportunity to develop good habits. Your skin still looks glowy all the time. Enjoy!

Most men on TRP give up on marriage and prefer to "spin plates". That's why they focus on young women. When you want a life partner you choose her more close to your age.

That said pleasantness is mandatory for vetting such a woman.

You say you’re 19 and you have trouble relating to teenagers. That’s the exact same thing as someone who’s 30 saying they have trouble relating to 30+ year olds. You are a teenager, you’re literally saying that you can’t relate to your peers.

Men treat you like a child if you act like a child. I have a friend whose parents are 17 years apart. They met when she was 20 and he was 37. They have been married for over 30 years happily with 2 kids and 2 successful careers.

To say things can’t work is short sighted. We deal with probability here at RPW, not fact or law. The teachings and philosophies are only here to give you the best possible chance at success in regards to the type of relationship dynamic outlined here. There can be perfectly healthy and balanced relationships that start out as FWB, or where the girl chases the guy, or where the girl is significantly older. But we understand that those girls got lucky, and you should never bank on luck.

I think the most important thing when it comes to age gaps isn’t relatability, or what “stage of life” you’re in, it’s just responsibility. If you are responsible, but young, no one is even going to treat you any differently. Maturity really isn’t much more than understanding that your actions/choices/words/mentality etc. have consequences. Growing up isn’t much more than learning which actions trigger which consequence and acting appropriately.

In short: men treat you like a child because you act like a child. Men will treat you more seriously if you act like you have a grasp on responsibility.

RP theory tells us that men and women love differently and more importantly that a woman won't love a man the way he wants her to (and how he should deal with it) but doesn't say much about men not being able to love us the way we want them to (or how we should deal with it).

This isn't a matter of mere wants, it's a matter of deep seated needs

Men love women through provision, protection and other ways in which they are needed and useful. In turn, men need to feel needed and desired and appreciated.

Along came feminism and convinced women that they don't need no man. Now men are not needed. Feminism convinced women that they don't owe sex to their husbands. Now men are not desired. Feminism convinced women that men are lazy slobs who don't do their fair share of household chores while ignoring all the household income those same men work so hard for. Now men are not appropriated.

A man who's no longer needed, desired nor appreciated is bound to feel unloved no matter how much you say you love him.

When you then expect him to fill your needs for cuddling, quality time and listening to your long stories - he'll feel like you're taking advantage of him. All 3 of these things are enjoyable to many men who are otherwise fulfilled, but they're torture to the man who's not needed, desired nor appreciated.

Now I'm quite submissive by nature (in fact I've often encouraged my bf to be more dominant) but I'm not submissive because I need to be, I don't need to be protected and lead, that doesn't mean I don't want to be nor does it mean I don't appreciate it. I submit to my man because it comes naturally to me not because I "need" to and I'm able to submit to him while still seeing him as a "peer". As such no matter how submissive I am I still can't scratch the idea that I want a "partner". Not in the sense that we need to share all responsibilities equally or that I shouldn't defer to him. I want a "partner" in the sense that it's us against the world, as in we are two halves of a whole unit. The problem is it doesn't seem this is what men want.

See what I mean? See how you're twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to explain how you don't need him but you do need him but you don't really need him but you really do need him but just not that much but only a little but but but...

Any man reading this will hear you say - I'd like to not need you at all but there are a few things I just can't take care of myself, so come on here little servant and fill these very specific needs that I need fulfilled. (And while you're at it, as my servant, your needs aren't even on my radar)

When feminism pitched the idea of couples as equal peers, men loved the idea! Finally, they can abandon the old chauvinistic ideas and have a relationship with an equal! That worked for a while as long as some old values were still in the background. But then it stopped working because women aren't sexually attracted to equals and women walk all over such "equals". Thus, TRP was born.

It seems what a man wants is someone attractive who is pleasant to be around, and not necessarily someone he'd see as a life partner or mother to his children.

At the end of the paragraph in which you display a gross lack of understanding of how men work, finally you gave yourself part of the answer.

Is it so bad for men to want a pleasant woman? And if said pleasant woman is also young and hot and will respect him, admire him and appreciate him - what's not to like?

when I know my abilities as a life partner don't really matter to him as much as my youth and pleasance does

What are your abilities as a life partner?

I appear younger than my partner but I am three years older than him. My appearance made him want to sleep with me. My ability to inspire the desire to protect and guide is what made him fall in love with me. But, my ability to demonstrate that I was an adult who could be a competent partner in navigating life is why he decided to marry me.

Sure a 30 yo man may be more physically attracted to a 20 yo woman but he can't truly relate to her and from what I've seen he certainly won't see her as his peer or his partner. Heck, I'm turning 20 tomorrow and I already struggle to relate to teenagers, I can enjoy their company and have fun but I can't relate to them or see them as my peer

Not a fair equivalence. You're 20, so you're (barely) an adult. Relating to a teen is an adult relating to a partially grown, immature, juvenile person.

Whereas a 30-yr-old man relating to you is relating as adult-to-adult. Maturity MATTERS.

I'm 44 and have a 27 year old spouse. She's my partner; I don't see her as a child. She's mature, though (compared to me) inexperienced. I value her youth, fertility, beauty and energy, sure, but I also value her for her mind, love, and caring. She's very RPW, and she supports and lifts me and makes me better.

In turn, I take care of things like being primary earner, doing the finances, yard work, etc. She works part time but it's because she enjoys the work, not because she needs to do it.

We have a stupidly idyllic life.

I'm finding it hard to see any man as a potential life partner when I know my abilities as a life partner don't really matter to him as much as my youth and pleasance does (and that of course his affinity for me will wane as i naturally grow older and less doe eyed). How do you ladies go about building a life with a man knowing he doesn't really see it as building a life "with you" but building a life "for you" (the way you would for your child)?

Your abilities as a partner matter. You may not see them, and honestly you're young enough that they may not be well-developed at this point, but you have plenty to offer. Men don't want to take care of you as a child, but they DO want to provide for you. They want to provide love, a shelter, and resources. In return, they want you to provide love, care, support, and nesting.

Besides love, that's not something a child provides. That's something a partner provides.

I think most men would want a partner as well. I think on TRP they refer to women being no different than children as an attempt for either humor or to artificially inflate their confidence, or both maybe.

The relationship between a man and woman is vastly different than between that of a woman and her child.

Man protects the woman, woman protects the child, but she also has the role of nurturing her child AND her man. The child is simply their vulnerability to one another. She becomes vulnerable as she must depend on him for food and protection so she can tend to her child, and he becomes vulnerable to her because he must depend on her to love/want and raise his child.

They work as a team to raise the child, but they divide the responsibilities based upon their abilities.

Modern day relationships tend to lack that common cohesive force, but still require the basic fundamentals of a give and take relationship.

Often times men still need the nurturing of a woman; to show him compassion, to support him, and to make him feel needed. However, individual needs can vary drastically from person to person. I think you'll find once you age a bit more is that most men's needs change once they're older, too.

I've found that men that value companionship and a more egalitarian relationship are men that have had fewer (but generally longer lasting) relationships and are generally more liberally minded (as opposed to traditionally minded, where relationships tend to be fundamentally hierarchical)and would probably be described as beta cucks by TRP, but again, it's important to remember that subreddit is self described as an amoral sexual strategy.

Children can neither be a soft place to land, nor a quiet space to rest, nor an encouraging place to talk through things. It is a myth that men wouldn't appreciate the analytical qualities of women. They like our insight in situations into which they don't have so much insight themselves and having our additional perspective on something will actually many times help them to find their own decision.

One cannot be encouraged by someone whom one doesn't trust to pull the safety bell if needed, one cannot relax with someone who is unable to take care of himself and needs constant attention and high awareness about each moment, as it is with children.

They also need us not to panic and break when something out of the ordinary happens.

I fully understand your reasoning. When I read here, I sometimes ask the same questions. When one tries to understand these concepts it is helpful to keep in mind that no person only has a 100% of whichever quality; male, female, alpha, beta, submissive, dominant, leading, deferring and so on. A healthy person is more fluid and can be leading if the situation requires it or defer if she feels safe and enjoys the comfort in it. Don't take these as matters of black or white. Thinking in terms of black and white should only be used to simplify a situation and better understand it. One should never believe that either black or white is true. Most people will have preferences nevertheless and lean more towards the one or the other and thus you get all kind of shades :)