I'm single for half a year now, since then I invested all my time and resources in me. Started working out, going out with friends, concerts, movies etc etc. Started caring a bit more about what I am wearing and what I'm eating. Just like you I'm very comfortable in monk mode. I think that it's not a bad thing. We have to be comfortable with ourselves before bringing someone else in our lives.

While there is a certain minimum floor to where you should be before you start looking, you will never be perfect. Look at continual improvements a positive trait. I’m not saying to sit around talking about what you’re going to do, but if a guy sees that you are continuously working on yourself THAT will be a positive.

We can’t really tell you what you want. Just how to get what you do want. I’m unclear on if you didn’t want kids in the past or if you don’t want kids. If you do want kids you need to get going with looking for their father. If you don’t, there is less time pressure, but you still don’t want to wait until all the good guys are gone.

The main thing right now is to figure out what you want. Not just right now, but 10, 20, 50 years from now.

I’ve been wondering the same thing for myself! These all seem like great answers, this seems like such an encouraging community for self improvement.

There will always be something you can do to improve yourself. You should take the attitude that you're already awesome and any guy would be lucky to be with you and these are just other things you can do to make yourself even more awesome.

I would say to start putting yourself out there now and to watch this video. It's made by a company that does dating and self-improvement advice for men, but it's a pretty awesome video and I think you would benefit a lot from it too if you can ignore the fact that it was obviously made with a male audience in mind.

Coming from the opposite side of the aisle ( guy ) at around the same age and mentality. If you're at all like me, then there's never really an end to the procrastination via new intermediary objectives.

If you’re happy that’s all that matters really. RP/RPW is a great toolbox to better oneself. People need different things at different times of their lives. Me personally, I’ve been focused on my business the last 4 years and haven’t had time for much else...but have also had the time of my life (monk mode). I’m just now able and willing to start dating again. I’m much more in tune with who I am and what I’m looking for as a result.

But I can tell you that things always change. What you feel today won’t necessarily be how you’ll feel a year from now. If you want a family someday, however, that’s the only exception I can see where you may want to reassess things.

Why not make a list of your criteria for a bf / husband?

Especially the mental / emotional traits can be good to identify, for some of us, since it can be easy to be overwhelmed by purely physical attraction at times. By mental traits I mean like interests and value and such things. These are the things that tend to make or break relationships once the initial excitement wears off.

You can edit or refine your list of criteria over time, as you get more understanding about your own values and needs, etc.

To answer your question, it partly depends on what you are looking for. If you want to have a lot of casual encounters, then having a perfect physical appearance is probably very helpful, because there's a lot of turnover and you're constantly being evaluated based on first impressions.

If you want to settle down with a beautiful Chrsitian man* in a rural setting and raise a big family, then your physical appearance probably isn't the first thing he's looking for, but more like how kind and honest and nurturing are you, etc., and a husband like that might be more willing to grow with you through your own changes and your own personal development, over time. In such a situation, initial perfection might not be the point, and might even seem somewhat silly to try to achieve.

And then there are all kinds of variations and permutations in between and outside of those two settings, of course. :)

So, what do you want? You don't have to tell us, but you could tell yourself and write it down, maybe.

• I'm not Christian, but was just using that as an amusing example. :)

If it’s not broken.....

You are extremely impressive. You understand that it isn't just about finding a husband. It is about finding a man worth your respect. Don't feel discouraged. Trust yourself and love yourself. You will know when you have found someone worthy of applying all you have learned in this sub.

what do you do when you're too comfortable with being single?

I'm just happy with my own company and working on myself. I have never, ever wanted kids and while the idea of getting married someday is nice, I'm not in a huge rush. Even if it never happens, that's okay.

Not everybody is geared for a monogamous LTR. Most people are, but not everybody wants or needs a relationship. You could lean heavily asexual. As long as you're happy, unrepressed, and have your needs met, that's what matters. If that doesn't require a fulfilling relationship with a man, or at most you want a relationship but no kids, then good for you.