Advice Needed: Should I have Emergency Asset(s)? | RedPillWomen

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steadstubfastborn

Posted 7y ago in LTR/MARRIAGE - Permalink - Locked - 183 Views

BF(24) and me(28) agree to get married within this 1 year. We agree that I'll be the homemaker, and he'll be the breadwinner. Its my dream to be a full time housewife. He also wants a stay-at-home mom. Currently, I dont have any house or car under my name.

My family (mom and bro) says I shouldn't rely 100% financially to my future spouse. They insist that I should at least have an asset of my own (eg:house) so when bad argument occurs with my spouse, I have a shelter of my own. I also will have monthly allowance of my own if I rent out the house.

Buying a house now will effect our relationship because I will be working harder and spend less time with him. Our relationship might be strained.

RPW, should or shouldn't I buy a house?

UPDATE:Turns out I honest with him about me buying a house. He said "Go for it! Its good for you!" and we both will plan to buy another house with both of our name in the future. THEN, he goes on to tell me, his dad is giving him a house as inheritance, and he said "It will be yours". I am flabbegasted... I replied "No, it is ours."

Thank you for all the comments as I learn a lot too. Currently, Im studying new language as an addition to 3 language I already learnt .(my passion is language, also if anything happens I can teach) We also plan to not putting out eggs in one basket, saving assets in different forms (cash, estates, and businesses) for each one of us. I will talk about him too about if one of us "go" first. As I bring this relationship deeper, I find it much more comfortable to talk about "TABOO" things. Better talk now, than regret later.

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tempintheeastbay 7y ago

When you and your husband decide it makes financial sense for your family to buy a house, you should be on the title. Simple as that.

[deleted] 7y ago

[deleted]

tempintheeastbay 7y ago

Have 2 months clean drinking water

Woah that escalated quickly. :p

But yes, SAHM's should definitely get life insurance per /u/lateralthinker13 's comment, and up your policy each time you have a kid.

LateralThinker13 7y ago

But no one wants to talk about - What if he dies?

They're in their twenties. If this is a realistic worry (and it really isn't), then buy a 10-year term life policy for each of them, $250,000 or more coverage. At your ages, that's literally a few bucks a month in cost, tops. Problem solved without purchasing 6-digit-cost assets. By the time the 10 years are up, the will either be well-established and not worrying about what happens if one of them dies, or they'll be long-split and not worrying about it anyways.

[deleted] 7y ago

I don’t know that you need another house, but it’s a good idea to have assets. Whether that’s cash in the bank or another asset that kicks back revenue. I say this and not because I think you should “have your own emergency fund”, but more so you feel like you’re making some sort of small contribution to the marriage.

If you’ve set yourself up well and protected yourselves (even pre-nuptials), is it necessary to have extra side assets? Or could you work on building something together?if you work together, even a little bit, then it’s time spent together.

I’m not big into secrets.

steadstubfastborn 7y ago

Thank you for the insight. I think mom (was a divorcee) advised me to buy a house because she used to go through domestic violence. She doesn't want the same thing happened to me. So;a house as protection.

I hope you could teach me how to hold no secrets with my future spouse , at the same time not letting him take advantage of me later?

anothdae 7y ago

because she used to go through domestic violence. She doesn't want the same thing happened to me. So;a house as protection.

I mean... a second house rented isn't going to stop you from getting hit.

Hate to be harsh here... but it's not.

at the same time not letting him take advantage of me later?

Financially?

How could he? Hiding money?

Unless you have a prenup, everything that you do now is both of yours. Not yours. Not his.

girlwithabike 7y ago

I hope you could teach me how to hold no secrets with my future spouse , at the same time not letting him take advantage of me later?

How do you feel about him having secrets from you?

And if you feel like he's going to take advantage of you, why marry him? You could even stay together without marriage and that would protect your assets. If you are marrying with one foot out the door (ie: keeping secrets, planning to be taken advantage of) you are building on sand.

steadstubfastborn 7y ago

Turns out I honest with him about me buying a house. He said "Go for it! Its good for you!" and we both will plan to buy another house with both of our name in the future. THEN, he goes on to tell me, his dad is giving him a house as inheritance, and he said "It will be yours". I am flabbegasted... I replied "No, it is ours."

[deleted] 7y ago

Do you expect him to take advantage of you? If so don’t marry him. Take basic precautions then love each other. If you expect him to use you in a bad way,then I’d not marry him. Being married and submissive doesn’t give you license to be negligent or ignorant.

[deleted] 7y ago

Any income earned after marriage is considered marrital asset Talk to an attorney. Your mom is wrong.

Guywithgirlwithabike 7y ago

I'm going to second my wife here. If you follow the advice of your mother, particularly the spirit of it, the marriage is already as good as over. Don't start things off by planning your escape. That's cruel to your fiance and dishonors you as well.

[deleted] 7y ago

I agree with this, wholeheartedly

lol_throwaway303 7y ago

I’m no finance expert but consider other assets besides buying a house. Housing markets go up and down and whatnot. Are you going to buy the house in cash or pay a mortgage each month? How will you do that if you don’t plan on having an income ever?

It’s very smart to be thinking of this now because you never know what the future holds. Do you have your own separate money invested anywhere that’s been growing over time? Do you have savings?

steadstubfastborn 7y ago

Ive sorted it out on how to pay for the house, as my family will take care of it. Both of us is also saving money in cash in case on rainy days.

[deleted] 7y ago

There is no need to stay at home unless you have kids. Keep building a nest egg befote marriage, keep savings in a trust or IRA. After you get married all finances are shared so then focus on saving for a home before children. This buys time to establish yourselves as a couple and build a life together.

girlwithabike 7y ago

Buying a house now will effect our relationship because I will be working harder and spend less time with him. Our relationship might be strained.

Have you discussed this with him?

steadstubfastborn 7y ago

Phew, I talked with him already, its a good thing he support me fully, to my surprise.

KleoStar777 7y ago

Of course it is nice to have some savings, just in case. If something will go bad, you always can come to live with your mom for a few months, so I don't think that having an own house is necessary, unless you can buy it right now and just rent it out. I would suggest to take some classes for something that you like (nail design, painting, etc.). Start doing something that you like. Develop a hobby that can bring money, when necessary. It also will help you to continue develop as a person. One more option is to work a part-time (2 days a week?), just to make some money, and at the same time be able to spend a lot of your time with kids and your husband. New hobby and/or part-time job will also help you to find a job, in case something will happen. Best luck!

mytrpaway 7y ago

Other posters have addressed the relationship side of your question.

They insist that I should at least have an asset of my own (eg:house)

Do you have trouble saving money or investing? Houses are ok investments, but they are relatively high maintenance. I think some people see houses as good investments because, once you sign the mortgage, you are forced to invest.

If you have the discipline to save, I would suggest low cost index mutual funds instead. They have a higher/comparable expected rate of return over the long term and have much lower maintenance requirements.

Going down the mutual fund road has fantastic benefits for casual investors:

You have the flexibility to move without worry.
You never have to worry about maintenance or nightmare tenants.
Easy to sell partially.
You can save in a Roth IRA for the tax benefits while maintaining the flexibility to spend the principle.
If you like the idea of rent, you can use dividends as income.
You can start with almost any amount of income.

bad argument occurs with my spouse, I have a shelter of my own.

If you have money, you have a shelter. If you have renters, you don't have a shelter.

HB3234 7y ago

This is what the contract side of marriage is about. It protects you if you become a SAHM.

Yes, you should have assets and you should have some of them in investments which grow over time. It sounds like you are working now and have an income solid enough to be considering real estate investment, so there is no excuse for you to have all your money sitting in the bank.

But that's not about protecting you in case of domestic abuse or something, that's just being an adult with your head on straight about your finances. You should have money in some form of retirement savings - IRA, 401k, whatever, and a few investments of various liquidity. Stocks, bonds, real estate if it makes sense in your region, etc.

I personally disagree that being a SAHM is unnecessary in this day and age. If it's what you both seek, then you should absolutely do that.

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