It's been one hell of a month, but I decided to comeback and give you an update over my last post.
Some may remember the episode about my husband offering to craft a table for me. Well, he certainly took it very seriously and I was completely unable to understand why at the moment. After carefully reading and re-reading all your advice (both the kind and the harsh ones) and fighting my hamster I managed to truly understand how he felt, and most importantly, why. This has been a great lesson because here I was thinking I was being a great wife when I clearly had much to learn.
I don't want to write an essay about what I did or when because it could take me hours, but what I basically did was carefully reword what I said, while trying to stay honest and being much much more compassionate. It was important for me to not just throw myself crying and completely change my mind just to recover him. It would have been fake and probably cause further damage.
Fortunately, my husband is an amazing man and didn't do anything hasty or crazy like filing a divorce or getting drunk. I explained him why I reacted that way, I admitted being ungrateful, immediately apologized, and kindly asked him to please build that table for me.
He did. And you were right, he did it great. I was so wrong.
For anyone who gave me kind advice and helped me understand, thank you. And for anyone who told me harsh words about living alone the rest of my life, or losing my husband to another woman for being an ungrateful bitch, THANK YOU. I owe you my marriage and my happiness.
mrpthrowa 6y ago
This is good but I think in both posts you're still too self centered, it's all about what you think and how you feel and how you stand in this relationship. Unless you fix this, it's going to manifest in other encounters and catch you by complete surprise.
In other words, this sub showed you how to recover from this single situation. Now you need to understand how to not get there in the first place.
WhatIsThisAccountFor 6y ago
There is so much wisdom on this sub. Very good reply.
young_x 6y ago
There were a lot of good responses in the original thread and I'm glad things seem to have worked out for you both. However, both the discussion and this update seemed focused on the feelings aspect and overlooked one glaringly obvious issue, so I'll mention it here:
What exactly qualified you to determine what's impossible in the first place?
Unless you're a master carpenter yourself, the answer is absolutely nothing.
We would all do well to regularly remind ourselves of our own ignorance. A healthy ego is best fed a diet rich in humility. Good luck going forward.
--cunt 6y ago
Okay , to be fair.. Nothings impossible, but some things are pretty unlikely. If I told my fiance I was going to go rock climbing , I would expect a chuckle out of him. Same if he told me he wanted to take me dancing. Now if either of us said "No wait like I actually want to learn to do this, dont discourage me plz" our tone would change. But my fiance and I know each other's skill sets & realistic capabilities pretty well and we would laugh and say "good luck buddy lol" to something out of the ordinary for us. And then when action time came, of course be supportive. Its not like if he offered to take out the trash or I offered to do the dishes and there was laughter and "ooookay sure you are." Thats just passive aggressive and petty and mean.
beta_no_mo 6y ago
This is probably the single most frustrating things a woman has ever done to me: something goes wrong on the car or computer (or something she's equally inexperienced in, such as carpentry) and suddenly she's the fucking expert asking all the questions and making all these asinine assertions as though she's been doing it her entire life instead of seeing it for the first fucking time ten fucking seconds ago.
eazolan 6y ago
After all this, I kind of want to see what this table looks like.
StepfordInTexas 6y ago
Yay! So happy to see this