I made a post last week making some commitments for the year.
I know we are only a week in, but it's the tiny steps that turn into bigger steps. Wanted to just give a quick field report to stay on track.
1) I said I wanted to become more fearless when it comes to trust, and also communicate that trust in small ways. Since then, I have totally stopped acting curious about who is texting my SO when his phone goes off. If it's important or if he wants to tell me, he will. But I don't need to ask. That has been going well. I have also tried to be more laid back in other scenarios that would otherwise wind me tight. For instance, this evening he had a work outing for drinks and appetizers for a co worker who is leaving. We were supposed to get together later. He sent me a message saying that it turns into a dinner, making him later than expected. This has been a thing of the past, with me getting fussy when his travel or work plans get botched, thus interfering with our time. I simply responded with telling him to have fun and enjoy himself and that we will see each other tomorrow. Hoping he feels a sense of relief.
2) I have attempted to stop swearing and have done okay. It's especially hard when I am around friends who swear. Also, I have realized that I swear a lot to myself and in my head....so that has to stop if I want the outward swearing to stop. This is still a work in progress and not perfect.
3) I wanted to take care of myself more, so I am not so reliant on my spouse. Now, that doesn't mean I don't rely on him, but I don't want him to feel the pressure of needing to please or entertain me. I have added a yoga class per week (I already go twice a week) and am still looking into getting scuba certified since I live at the beach. I have found a club to join once a month.
Overall, I am proud of myself for making small steps and Especially thankful to whoever suggested treating trust like an insurance policy, and the other who suggested I can try to fake it until I make it. There is still a great deal of fear and anxiety related to me freely and openly trusting, but I am putting the action there in hopes that with time the feelings associated with it will change. Not easy but worth it.
Hope you're all having a great week!
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alliecapone 10y ago
Congrats! Tiny steps lead to a big one, sooner or later I happened to find my way here over looking at what red pill men were talking about. I'm a nosy one. But, it was the you tuber's wife wiping away all of his work discussion. I realized as I read it and texted friend with the sorry most said "good" needless to say, mine and some close friends that I grew up with, reactions clashed hard. I see that I think differently than most women I know. I'd have left it over way back where the man said he felt terrible about the pet. K, good enough. :)
Anyhow, I'm glad to see this sub and hope to have completed resolutions of my list that I've set for myself. I recently went a step back, and quit my job ( I was a"SAHM for twenty years). Quitting so abruptly was a completely overeacting way to deal with it. Can't just up and do that and use my spouse as a free fall net, the extra money was great, so, we need to be creating a surplus. That's resolution one. I think it'll be nice to be employed again. It's the only way I'm getting to school (Resolution 2) Wish I'd found this then. The work was eating my soul though, but keeping that job as I looked elsewhere may have been helpful (retail)
Camille11325 10y ago
Congratulations on all your progress, please continue to keep us updated as the months go on :)
PicklesAndPears 10y ago
Yay for updates! Thank you for this, I love the mini-field reports. Congrats on your changes, and please keep up the good work. Swallowing the pill is so hard at times, but we really will become better women for it.
jules991 10y ago
Small changes can make a big difference! Even if he doesn't say anything (or doesn't even realize it himself!) the changes you are making will make him less stressed and lead to a better relationship. Once you can learn to fully relax and trust too, I think you'll be surprised at how much less anxious you feel! It's one of those instances where sometimes the feelings follow the actions, so keep at it and I'm sure you'll feel the relief eventually.
Self improvement is wonderful. And your goal of keeping yourself entertained/not relying solely on your SO is something I myself need to work on, so thanks for that reminder :)
Also, not swearing is hard. I don't even swear a huge amount but my SO does quite a bit and it's hard to not let it rub off on me!
TheTerrorSquad 10y ago
Cool!! Well done and keep it up. I've made my own NYE resolutions and have had success and failure ( I'm losing weight but haven't started the excersises atm) From experience the harder the challenge the bigger the win so stick at it and remember this time in a few months it'll feel even better :-)