This is a serious question based on the examples you've given: is your husband special needs or has he been emotionaly scared? Maybe you need help from a care person who can help you manage an adult who is this much of a danger to himself. If the budget's tight, there may be charities that help with this sort of thing or you could meet with a social worker. I wouldn't let him near anything mechangical/electrical in the mean time.

Guy here. I love it when my woman does not nag me about minor things all the time, but I am also humble enough to admit I am not perfect, and that if my woman tells me something important that I didn't know, I will say "Thank you honey for caring about me", and if I already knew it I'll add "but don't worry, I already knew that."

If you're the expert in a certain area, then he should get your expert opinion just like he would get the opinion from a hired expert before he makes a decision. Not using your expertise for the best outcome is just irresponsible and not very humble.

Seems your man is a bit too proud for his own good. If it means coming late or getting lost because he won't ask for directions, then let him learn from his mistakes, but if his mistake would actually put his or your life in jeopardy, then you must tell him.

A marriage is much like a ship. The man is the captain and the woman is the first mate. The captain makes the decisions but he is also responsible for the wellbeing of the entire crew, so he better listen to the advice of his first mate lest he make a fatal mistake. No one is perfect.

My boyfriend's clothes never shrink or bleed colors, so he never had to think about such things. When he was going to wash the first time, I asked if it was going to be a problem doing special things with my clothes. I explained that mine shrink so I never dry them. If he would have said 'no' then I would have just asked to remove my clothes from the laundry. As it was, he said sure and told me to write down what I want. I made it easy and just said to no bother drying any of my stuff. He gave me my stuff back wet, I hung it up to try, so no problems.

By asking if he's ok with doing it your way, you're giving him the option to accept or reject it. Only a jerk would then say, "No, I'm washing all the stuff in hot and drying it, and if your stuff shrinks too f'ing bad."

Warning about something dangerous isn't nagging. If you are constantly saying things about the way he is helping then that is nagging, but if it is important or potentially dangerous, then it should be fine. No one wants a hot glass pan exploding, but if he is folding a towel wrong, then how much does that really matter, and I would consider that nagging.

Tl;dr: Warning against damage or danger = fine; micromanaging your specific preferences = not fine.

Edited to ask how often your husband puts himself in harms way?

I think that a good rule of thumb is if you feel like you are talking to a 5yo then you are doing it wrong.

Some perspective: If he stood over you while you were doing your laundry and lectured you that you weren't doing the delicates properly, that you needed to separate out the bras and items with catches and secure them in a zippered mesh bag to do them properly without fear of messing up the rest of your wash, would you find such a suggestion helpful . . . or annoying?

Your knowledge base matters far less in his mind than your ability and willingness to support him as he's trying to get things done. It sounds like criticism to him - and sometimes it is. Perhaps by prefacing your criticisms by saying "May I offer a suggestion?" first allows him the opportunity to accept or decline the suggestion. If he declines, shrug, walk away, and keep your finger on 911. If he listens, you can give him the benefit of your insight without stepping on his testicles.

Just a thought.

Ian

"Oh Hun! If you wash that load in hot water it will shrink! :D" vs "Ive told you before that you can't wash those clothes in hot water because they shrink but you keep doing it". There's a difference. Also, avoid "I told you so" even if its meant playfully.

You tell him just as you wrote in quotes, here. He might do it anyway and it might make things difficult for a while to go without that pan. But better to make do without that pan than to possibly damage your marriage.

Here's the thing. Did you nag in the past and that's why he sees it as nagging now? if this is the case, you can't really blame him for doing what he's going to do anyway. It would be worth it to sacrifice that pan, to let him know that you are trying hard to now just give him the information without nagging. When the pan breaks he won't do it again, and he will be more inclined to listen to your non-nagging advice again in the future.

The fuse thing is probably safe if he doesn't have a pace maker, the fuse will pop before it can do actual damage. And it's a trip to radio shack to keep him off the dishes and laundry. Self solving problem :P

but for serious

Sounds like he's bored; take a day off too, play catch up tomorrow. Let him enjoy that whole having a wife to play with thing. He's probably thinking he wants to do something with you.

Notice how the things he's doing wrong are pretty much trying to short cut your work to make it go faster; the only reason to do that would be to free up play time.

Change your tone of voice, smile at him, touch him.

I understand wanting to warn him of something life threatening, but it frankly concerns me that you added ruining some laundry to that list. In situations like that the best policy is to just do it yourself. Separate your clothes, wash your own, and let him do his own. If he ruins his own clothing he'll probably figure it out pretty quickly. He's still helping by doing laundry, but request he doesn't do yours. If he is sensitive to you popping by to tell him he's doing something wrong, save it for situations where he could face truly life threatening injury.

Sounds like he's getting the info he needs from other sources and you're just mad that he doesn't want to get it from you. He feels emasculated by his wife telling him how to do "man work" around the house. He doesn't feel emasculated when asking someone at the hardware store. Let him get his advice somewhere else. At least he's asking for it. It isn't worth making him feel like crap.

If it's something I can just fix myself afterwards (folding things, cleaning the sink post-shaving his face etc) I usually do it myself and don't bother saying anything. The thing I struggle with is when he puts the toilet paper or paper towels in the top shelf in the closet. I can't reach it, even with a stool. And I'm 5''8"! :/ I feel like I'm nagging when I have to ask him to get it for me so I can move it to a more easily accessible shelf. I usually just go with a "oh hon, let me do x! I gotta earn my keep somehow!" Or something like that. He laughs and I get to keep my whites looking white, and my pans unscathed.