When my husband and I were dating, he was a horrible impulse buyer. A thousand dollars a month on red bull, a doughnut, iced coffee, etc. I'm a saver, however I have the hardest time balancing a check book. He was banker for a long time but I was concerned about his impulse buying. We both got on the same page financially by reading and using Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace and it has been life changing. We have the same goals now and we have a budget for everything you can think of. I write the checks and send out the automatic payments, he balances the book. By us both having jobs to do in the finances it keeps us constantly talking about it which is a good thing and also responsible to one another.

Laura Doyle has her opinion. In my view, if your husband expressly asks you to do the finances and you don't do them, you're just avoiding work. Who "wears the pants" and which particular activities symbolize "pants" is just a matter of psychology. The traditional practice of one of my cultures is for the man to hand his woman the paycheck and she takes care of it because the home and its workings are her responsibility as a wife and his work is done. Some cultures view finance as power and control which is masculine, but others view it as family resource allocation which is feminine. In my mind, for the stereotypes of gender I've somehow internalized, balancing a family budget is women's work. Women are detail oriented and more practical and have self control, and the person who cooks will know more about what the house needs. But that's just my psychology. Doyle is a Westerner, apparently sees it differently.

There's two relevant concepts for you.

1) Topping from the bottom: where the "submissive" person tells the "dominant" person exactly how to dominate her, thereby defeating the point

2) "Submissive doesn't mean lazy". Just because you're surrendering control over your life to someone doesn't mean you're surrendering the responsibility of day-to-day decisions about money. If you're going to give him the finances, you need up a job to match that labor loss.

I do, however, approve of one person and not two people doing finances. Fights about money are dumb. I'm not saying you shouldn't combine your income and hand it over, I'm just saying - be soft, where you meet natural resistance from him on something you yield.

OK, my two cents: debt is scary if you don't see how to control it, and controlling is about having all the information available to you. I can imagine that he is not happy about taking it on because he is aware that he has run up debts and doesn't trust himself in these matters.

Let me suggest a program that I love - YNAB. If you go to their website (http://www.youneedabudget.com), they have a lot of very helpful information about budgeting, handling credit cards, and paying down debt. It is when you have debts that you need a budget, far more than when you have money to spare. It was incredibly empowering to me to have it all laid out, and at the start of each month to know how much I would have to spend that month and allocate it - including how much was allocated to paying down debt.

If he is reluctant, I wouldn't try to force it, but do it while keeping him fully informed about what is going on, and taking suggestions for changes. If he is not used to controlling money in this way, he perhaps needs to see how it is done, and then gets the confidence to do it himself. I had the opposite problem myself, in that as I was away so much my wife looked after a lot of the household finances, including a fair number of our investments. I did not have a good visibility on what exactly she had done. She is very responsible about it, handling day-to-day money, but I could see that she does not understand investment very well, so I have gradually been either taking it on, or letting it stay in her name, but with me talking through what the options are.

[The book is] about surrendering control OF him

To be frank, this plan to make him take care of the finances is contrary to this advice. If he told you he doesn't want to do it, than forcing him do otherwise is controlling him.

Here are your options:

1. If you really want him to take over the finances, you have to make him want to. In order to do this you have to give him a good solid reason why you don't want to do it anymore, and then hope that he agrees with you that he should take it over. For example you could try telling him "I'm uncomfortable doing the finances because I feel like it makes you feel like it's not your money as well. I want you to feel like this is your money"... or something like that. Then since he's the captain he gets to make a decision based on that information, and he'll either take over the finances or not. But the key is it's up to him, not you, and not Laura Doyle.

2. You can start being creative about involving him in the finances in a more abstract way. He doesn't have to be literally doing the books in order to be in charge of how the money is spent. Ask him to set a budget limit for you for certain things. For example if you do the grocery shopping, ask how much he would like you to spend on that every month, or any other categories of shopping you do. Let him decide how much you spend on clothes, hair cuts, whatever. Or if he doesn't want to do that, try literally asking his permission to buy certain things. Not everything, but anything out of the ordinary, or anything unusually expensive. "I saw this dress online, it costs this much money, is it ok if I buy it?", or whatever. You can be creative in how you involve him.

Managing money and financial literacy is a skill and one you both need to learn. Yes certain types of debt are scary, esp at your age. Shoving your head in the sand because you don't want to deal with it is a recipe for disaster. For both of you. You also need to build your own credit. I cannot stress how important this is. You do not want to be the 50 year old widow who cannot get a phone contract or have the power bill in your name or rent a property because your husband 'took care of the bills'. I could share some horror stories of women who took this approach and learnt some very bitter lessons.

As noted you need professional budget adviser. They will start you of and make the whole thing a lot easier to manage and you will not be anywhere near as stressed. You may even start to enjoy it. Imagine sitting down once a month and going "Babe. Look how well we are doing! We have so got this sorted." rather than "I can't face this"

It sounds like he doesn't have the confidence to deal with it (at the moment) either and pushing it on him seems really unfair. He needs your support, not another thing to worry about.

Edit. Just to add, you need to play to each others strengths. It could well be he is not 'good' with money. My parents have been very successful across a wide range of ventures and my mother runs the money because she knows where every cent is. We all know that left to his own devices Dad would have sent us broke. He is extremely good at business and investment, but not the money side, so they balance each other out perfectly.

You can do this and you can be good at it, but you will never know unless you try.

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I'm glad you've been fortunate enough to never have to deal with having a lot of debt personally - many people aren't that lucky. Debt is stressful, but it's not the end of the world. You have a lot to be thankful for (and appreciate)- your husband is alive, employed, and improving in every area of his life. That said, you can be a huge asset to him by taking the financial situation on directly. I know your preferred situation is one where he controls the finances, but you can't force him into doing that. My guess is that he feels guilty about the debt, and is torn up because he's the source of the strain. That said, you are married, so you have to help shoulder this because it's in the best interest of your relationship and your husband.

Get some professional help/advice about your money situation. Do research online, and make up a budget. Create a comprehensive plan of attack, and then sit down with your husband and explain things. That may prompt him to formulate a few ideas. I think the key here is to show a bit of empathy and show that you're willing to do what is needed. He's putting his life back together (literally), and he needs the support of a proactive (and understanding) wife.