There are a lot of questions about truthfulness throughout this sub. Why would a woman lie about partner count, age, abilities/talents/interests, or really any other aspect of her life when it will destroy her credibility by getting caught in a lie? Sam Harris makes a great argument for always being truthful and I think the concept of always telling the truth should be given some consideration.
When you always tell the truth, people will respect and value your opinion more. This doesn't mean you need to be an asshole about it or be "real" by telling truths without considering feelings of the people you are dealing with. Be truthful and considerate without being hurtful and people will put stock in what you say.
Is there anything to even be gained by fibbing or lying?
FleetingWish 10y ago
The problem with having too many partners, isn't that you had "too many partners", it's that "you're the type of person who would have too many partners". You can lie about your partner count, but you also have to be willing to change the type of person you are. That's why lying is a bad idea, because it ends up with a disappointed partner who believed you, it ends up not working out because you're still that type of person. And then you have another "partner" notch on your belt, and wonder why your partner count is so high, but none of your relationships work.
[deleted] 10y ago
I don't think it is as simple as being a pure number issue or being the type to have a number issue.
Which I think is the real root of the issue. If you keep doing the same thing expecting different results, there is something wrong with you since you are the one constant in all the relationships. I think a lot more of someone who is willing to admit the error of their ways and take the time to fix themselves instead of jumping from one relationship to another.
FleetingWish 10y ago
Exactly my meaning. You're the type of person to do the wrong things which is shown by your partner number. In other words, how you act in a relationship determines your partner number, because that determines the success or failure. Having a high number count is a result of being a bad relationship partner, not the cause. You can change what you do and become the type of people who does the right things. Then things might start working for you. That's why I said:
Meaning the way you act in relationships. But so many feminists are glued to the idea of "staying true to yourself" they avoid doing things that might make them a better relationship partner. Instead they take pride in things that might make them a bad one. Being brash, competitive, bitchy. Because "that's who they are" and they "want to stay true to that". They dismiss that "who they are" is no more then the sum of their actions, which they can choose to change.
[deleted] 10y ago
So if someone has made a mistake repeatedly is there nothing they can do to atone and correct these errors?
Sticking with the example woman (or even applicable to men really) who has had too many sex partners: Can they do anything to redeem themselves or change their ways? What do they need to do to correct themselves? And this is assuming that lying is off the table.
YouDislikeMyOpinion 10y ago
It's simple. What are you bringing to the table? That's the question.
If you were an escort, but you have now amassed $1 million in wealth by building your own make-up company, and you show good motherly qualities and etc.
Someone may look past your past. It will never be as if you didn't escort, but it will be much better than escort -> retail worker with jack shit but a pussy and tits for a personality.
FleetingWish 10y ago
We already uncovered it. The key is behave differently. Again the reason that they have been with so many partners is because they are not good relationship material. So what they have to do is become good relationship material.
We talk about how men are skeptical of sluts wanting a relationship because they wonder why they should have to pay a relationship for sex, when the slut's previous partner only had to pay for a drink. You've raised the price for sex, so they only thing you can do to account for the reason the price went up is increasing your value. Do that by behaving differently. Be the type of partner worth keeping, and your value will rise. Recognize the common factor in all your failed relationships is you.
See men just don't want to look like fools. If they're sleeping with you for a higher cost, they look like the fool. If you turn around and tell them "Yeah, I slept with a lot of guys, but I realized why they never stuck around too long. I was just... not a very nice person. I'm trying to be better now." Now the previous men look like fools for sleeping with a bitch. Now she's a catch again.
She's like the upgraded version. Woman version 1.0 didn't cost a lot to buy, but she was really shitty software. Everyone bought this version, had some fun, but threw it away because it broke really fast. New Man didn't bother buying that version because he read so many crappy reviews on the internet. Woman version 2.0 costs a lot more, but we fixed all the flaws, plus added new features, and we are releasing it exclusively to New Man to test it. See how this is appealing again?
[deleted] 10y ago
Thank you, that is really what I was trying to get at. There were a couple threads recently, like this and this, that made me curious and want to inquire further.
I agree with you, people should own up to their mistakes and make quantifiable changes to show through their actions that they have changed.
sugarcrush 10y ago
My first serious relationship was with a liar. That was the one relationship I've been in where I was the stereotypical "crazy girlfriend". I snooped and I questioned and I screamed. It was terrible. I FELT terrible. I felt crazy and I hated it and eventually I hated him too and thank the dear lord I finally got the ovaries to break up with him.
So what I'm trying to say with my little story up there is, don't make your man feel like that. Ever. Even lying about small things chips away at trust and makes you question if there are bigger, worse things they are lying about. It sucks to feel insecure and disrespected because the one person who claims to love you the most can't even do you the courtesy of telling the truth. That relationship was extremely eye opening and the only things I will ever lie about now are surprise parties and gifts. It's not worth it.
At the same time though, don't swing the complete opposite way and be like some of my friends in high school who would say things like "I'm not a bitch I'm just honest! lol!" It's called tact and you should use it.
[deleted] 10y ago
Ah the "I'm not a bitch I'm just honest! lol!" Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be said.
Oh the flip side though one of the examples given my Sam Harris is when his friend asked him whether he had put on a bit of weight, to which he did answer honestly. He said something about how he had noticed that his friend had gained a bit of weight recently. The friend had not got an honest answer from anyone else and turned it around.
So I think the real difference is being sincere and whether you are being asked or if you are volunteering information.
empyblessing 10y ago
I often see on Facebook pretty girls making comments on fat girl's photos telling them how hot they look.
[deleted] 10y ago
That is just one really fucked aspect of how a lot of women relate to other women. They feel the need to boost their self esteem through empty compliments, instead of actually having their compliments be sincere.
I like what Dale Carnegie said about compliments, compliment frequently but make sure it is something you honestly admire about the person. If you aren't sincere about your compliments, you are lying and people will know (the whole, don't blow smoke up my ass sort of thing).
Amissmiss 10y ago
Agreed. Live a life you don't have to lie about. If there's something you're not proud of, own up to it in a relationship at the right time. If a partner isn't understanding then that person isn't for you. There's always another one.
[deleted] 10y ago
I agree that it's never a good idea to lie. Relationships that are founded on lies are doomed to failure. It'll come out eventually.
[deleted] 10y ago
Big or small, lies come back to bite you.
YouDislikeMyOpinion 10y ago
The small ones are worse than the big ones.
If someone is willing to lie to you over something small, it is worse than if they are willing to lie to you about something big.
loki_of_asgard 10y ago
I say yes.
But I may be telling a lie.
But if I am telling a lie then I don't think there's something to be gained by lying.
Except by lying I am tricking you, which means I am gaining something by lying.
And thus your simple mortal question has become a paradox of the ages!
[deleted] 10y ago
Nice riddle trickster :)
loki_of_asgard 10y ago
Oh you may find that I am not so nice...
[deleted] 10y ago
And that was always Thor's error in dealing with Loki, expecting him to be honest and fair. Hope you like like the entrails and vemom :)