I Don't Understand Women Anymore

I have a little story to tell. It's our standard fair but IRL.

A story of three women.

A little about me: 33, bi, male, biracial, 6' 1", somewhat overweight, autistic

The Alpha Widow (42F, biracial) I met her through some business connections. We had long conversations right away and things turned sexual a few times despite her saying that she didn't find me attractive. In all our conversations about men and dating I've basically figured out that she doesn't need a husband; she needs a butler, gardener, and general labor. She doesn't need a man; she needs a staff. She has spent most of her life working on education and career and she had become quite successful but doesn't realize that this doesn't land her a man. The other day she told me about her friend whose husband was "just about worthless." It isn't a wonder why; her friend met him at work at a large TV station. He was playing the whole office and she decided to set her sights on getting him to commit. It has not gone well for her. He refuses to pay for their children's private school. He does nothing around the house and won't even pick up the kids from school. On top of that, he has herpes which her friend has managed to avoid. Here's the irony: the guy she rejected was a balding IT guy with a "small penis" who was crushing on her hard but was friend zoned. She went with the losing horse. Our balding It guy met someone else, lives in a nicer neighborhood, and has done very well for himself. She decided that a big dick was more important than character or stability.

Back to my friend, she has made about the same relationship mistakes. She withholds sex for whatever reason she decides and apparently can't have sex until every household chore is done and thinks that "giving her body over for basic household tasks" is unfair and awful. She's dated a series of men for various lengths and she has ridden the CC until it's bearings went. I'm talking sex parties, swing clubs, the works. When I explained to her that men usually get in relationships for sex she accused all men of thinking with their dicks too much and that if men are going to act like animals then men should be castrated like animals. These are the high points of our conversations. This is the same woman who has told me that I'm "not man enough" and "not an alpha." Fair enough but it's always fun to sit on the phone with someone for 2-3 hrs every couple of days and be emasculated. Good thing I don't have a fragile ego about the whole thing. She is constantly shitting on men for just not meeting her standards. I find her attractive but I find her perspective on men to be very unattractive and I know that a relationship is pointless because I could never meet her standards. She wants to follow me overseas (I'm planning on extensive international travel in the coming years) and admitted that at some point she might like me even though my dick is not big enough and I'm not an alpha.

The Gold Digger (F32, white) I met this other girl who is a fan of mine (I'm in media). She is someone who is just looking for a bailout, at least she is honest about her intentions. She went to Nicaragua in her 20s to live on the beach, met a guy who had major government connections (his grandfather was in government there, I believe) and she had a daughter (who is lovely) and returned to the United States. She went from bumming on the beach to a world of live-in servants at his parents' compound back to her parents' house.

She is on seeking arrangements and openly says she'll date or marry any man who is willing to buy her a Tesla and pay her $100,000 a year for sex. I'm pretty sure that price isn't firm because I've had her in a couple of motel rooms for free. She even brings me various gifts like I'm a king or something. When I offered to date her seriously she passed me over for a weed salesman with neck tattoos living in his Mom's basement and was sleeping on a pull-out sofa bed. She crawled through a window to sleep with him. I told her that at least with me she can come in my front door and sleep in a real bed with freshly laundered sheets. They broke up and I'm still in this weird place where she calls me when she is bored. She is working retail right now and on the hunt for a guy who can bail her out. She's got a few fish on the line so I'm sure she will land someone to rescue her and her daughter from the unfortunate situation she was in.

My Ex (F35, white) A word to the wise, avoid girls who are bipolar. Many of my neurodivergent friends don't like that I say this but it is true. Nothing is worse than going from "the best boyfriend ever" to "an evil monster" in the course of a day and back again. This is a woman I tried my best to save. I joke that I'm the supreme commander of allied save-a-hoe forces. I've since resigned from my commission. You can't save someone who is basically homeless, on more medication than I care to think of, tried to commit suicide in front of me three months into the relationship, and once threatened to move out at noon and wondered what I was talking about by 5 p.m.According to her I'm "neurotic" for having "standards" and not "going with her flow." She literally dry humped in Target once and I made her stop because children were about.

I erroneously thought that if I created a good home for her, got her back in school, and got her on disability (she is unable to work) that things would improve. They did not. She wanted to do whatever she wanted to do without any input from me at all. Her brother told me as much and gave me his number for "when she gets too much for you." I should have seen that as a sign. I enjoyed our talks. We both liked music and had musical/performance theater in common. She also thought that every relationship problem could be solved through sex. I enjoyed being able to just roll over and fuck her but it came at a high price in almost all other areas of our relationship. Our breakup was traumatic. She called all her friends and family and told them I was a terrible narcissist. I moved out of our shared home the next day. I was homeless and bumping around the country for most of 2020 before returning to the West Coast (we lived in the Washington D.C. area). I blocked her but she found me eventually in July when she was in my city and we spent four days together. They were actually really magical. She was sane the whole time and the sex was quality. However, somewhere in all of this, she decided that she, "couldn't live without me." She began stalking me. I'm still dealing with that and it has involved law enforcement and lawyers. She has been quiet for a while but I'm sure that will change with Christmas coming on. Her ex before me died around this time last year in an unfortunate accident and she is very much torn up about it as it happened right in front of her and there was blood everywhere. He used to hang around a lot. It sort of bothered me but she explained why and it made sense so I put up with it. I'm proud of myself for finally standing up to her, leaving, and then continuing to enforce my boundaries.

The moral of the story? I've retired from dating. Someone mentioned on Reddit that there is no safe dating above 30 and that we are leftovers for a reason. I agree. I screenshotted that comment and I re-read it from time to time. It resonated with me a great deal. I had to write this out because all of this has been plaguing my mind. I always wondered why I was undateable. I had a nice turn in college. I've had multiple girlfriends but no one stays around longer than a year. I've been to therapy. I've done spiritual work. I've grown as a person. I've built my own brand. I live modestly. I spent my 20s in the gym and was into powerlifting before I gave it all up 5 years ago. I know I have my share of issues. I have a traumatic past and I'm autistic. I got into drugs but got clean and sober. I worked in nightlife too. I've put a lot of effort into myself to be a good man. However, in modern dating, these efforts get you nowhere. For 80% of men, we're left out in the cold. I've accepted that fact now. It has bothered me but thanks to this group of merry men; I've accepted it. I always knew, when I was young, that I should have as much sex as I could so I would have good memories in my older years. I just didn't think older meant 33. I thought I had at least until my 40s. I remember when I wanted a family and figured out that was a bad idea. I remember when I wanted a companion. Now I know that I can't handle what it takes to date modern women. My mental health can't handle it. So, I am resigned from it all now.

My parents raised me right and that doesn't get you anywhere in today's society.

I hope this post gives some laughs, some head nods, and lets others know that these women really do exist. Avoid at all costs.

Sorry for the long post and wall of text. Happy to answer questions and fill in details along the way for any who comment.