The original of this post is at TheRedArchive.com, here. This is the linked article, and a mashup of some of my comments.

First, read the article here:

The Woman Who Has Been To Hell and Back Is Not Easy To Love.

My commentary:

There are a lot of essays like this, floridly written prose about the trials, tribulations, unfathomable depth and profundity, and value, of the average woman who's had problems in her life that have damaged her and caused personality and character defects. So wonderful. More valuable than rubies or diamonds. So hard to love. She's just got these issues, and if you can just love her and take care of her and solve her problems, she will love you forever and ever amen.

This article should have been titled "How to love a damaged, mentally ill woman with undiagnosed Cluster B personality disorders and character defects, and who is probably going to destroy your life after running through most of your money, alienating you from your family and friends, and then ripping your heart from your chest, throwing it on the floor, and pissing on it."

Articles like this seek to normalize and desensitize you from what's being described. These women aren't enigmatic, difficult to love, overly emotional, or emotionally deep and complex.

They are mentally ill. They are damaged.

She did something, or participated in a series of events, that traumatized and injured her. (She will usually describe this as things that "happened to" her, as if she was just passively standing there and a bunch of evil douchecanoes just sauntered up to her and stuck their cocks into her pussy.) What actually happened was that she did or had or has one or more of the following:

1) A chemical imbalance that hasn't been treated

2) Severe daddy issues

3) A series of sexual relationships with very attractive men usually consisting of pump and dumps or being ghosted, and usually while drinking heavily and using drugs (she will almost always describe a few of these as "rape")

4) Petty legal trouble like DUIs, misdemeanor possession charges, petty thefts, trespassing, public intoxication, and the like.

5) Money management problems. Always strapped for cash, can't make ends meet. Can't hold jobs, can't finish school.

6) General life aimlessness, purposelessness, and lack of direction. She's just going through life, skating on her looks and 'big personality'.

7) A substance abuse problem. She's an alcoholic or an addict, or is in recovery.

They almost always describe shitty sexual experiences. They've been "raped". They've been "sexually abused". They became sexually active in high school. Most of the sex they've had has been pretty crappy (according to them). They've had at least one abortion. They've been pumped and dumped repeatedly.

You know how you love these kinds of women?

You don't.

You leave them. You get away from them. You turn and run the other way, and don't ever look back.

Women like this are emotional and psychological tornadoes. They are positively vicious. They are mentally, emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically, abusive. They will absolutely destroy you, your shit, your relationships, and then your life. They look to you to fix their problems. They consume your time, labor and resources. Dealing with these kinds of women is emotional work like you've never seen.

Women like this don't need love, or men, or sex. They need therapy and psychotropic medications. They don't need friends. They need to be under the care of psychiatrists and counselors.

She needs to work through her issues and deal with and come to terms with them. And you can't do that or be there for that. Women like this demand that YOU fix them and YOU take care of them. And you can't do that. You're not qualified to do that. You don't have the time or the money for that.

You wish her well, you leave, and you never talk to her ever again. You stay as far away from her as you possibly can. You have nothing whatsoever to do with her.

You can't "love" a woman like this. You need to love yourself more.


How to Identify a Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder:

Cluster B disorders (Borderline, narcissistic, histrionic). Borderline is the most common. The tells usually are:

--the relationship progresses rapidly to sex

--the sex is off the charts. (One good thing about Cluster Bs is that they throw themselves 100% into the sex. For a while. She uses the sex to rope the guy in. The sex rapidly falls off a cliff once she knows she's "got" you.)

--wide mood swings. Emotionally volatile. Can fly into a rage at the drop of a hat. You will never know what will set her off, until she's set off.

--high N. Sexually promiscuous.

--has a "disorder" (really a defect) she knows about, usually depression or a substance abuse problem

--either extremely open about her sexual past, or extremely tightlipped and defensive about her sexual past.

--relationship with her father is bad to nonexistent

--series of failed relationships. Can't forge or sustain a relationship with a man. All her ex boyfriends are jerks, assholes and douchebags. Has never described having a healthy sexual and romantic relationship with a man.

--excessive fear of abandonment - flies into a rage or heaving sobbing crying jags when someone cuts off a friendship or relationship

--high conflict personality: Contentious, disagreeable, manipulative, deceptive. Uses crying, yelling, fighting and conflict to maintain control. All her relationships are like this, not just her sexual ones. Her relationships with family, friends and coworkers are all like this.

--will not own her own shit. Blame-shifting. It's always someone else's fault. She never takes responsibility for her own life, conduct, or decisions. It's men's fault, my parents' fault, society's fault, my friends' fault, my past boyfriends/husbands' fault, my employer's fault, my pastor's fault, my church's fault, the alcohol's fault, the drugs' fault, your fault, his fault, her fault, their fault.

--speaks of things as "happening to" her. She is always a passive bystander, never an active participant. Bad things, problems, poor relationships, drinking/using drugs, sexual misadventures - they all just "happened". They just "happened to" her. She was just unlucky, a victim of circumstance (repeatedly, with the same types of people, involving the same types of events, occurring exactly the same way, over and over again, for years, decades). She refuses to acknowledge that she actively did the things that cause her problems. She refuses to acknowledge that she participated in the events that gave rise to her problems.