Yo guys, so I have noticed that one thing that is holding me down by sucking my vital energy and polluting my headspace is the feeling of jealousy/envy over other people. (now I am not talking about women, thanks to years of experience in the field and RP, this sphere of my life is in order).

So for example, when I see someone being successful in a field which interests me, or if I see someone showing interest in a field that I am currently dealing with, I start feeling insecure and jealous, and I can't help but wish that person to fail. I hate it, as I can see how destructive it is, but I just can't seem to get over this.

So one concrete example, so you get a better feeling where I am coming from: I have been studying French for a couple of years and an opportunity arose to join a start-up (in which French, among other skills I possess, is a must). I am very glad about this chance, but recently one guy that I know (and don't really like, maybe that plays a role) contacted me telling how he's been learning French too and wants to get a similar position as I did. I suppose the constructive thing would be to encourage him and help him, but I just can't help myself but feel complete hostility towards him, and try to sabotage him so that he doesn't "copy" and "steal" my accomplishments (although there is nothing to steal, I wouldn't lose anything in this situation by helping him).

I also notice that such feelings arise only when the people I envy or have this hostile attitude towards are people to whom I compare myself to. For example, if my best friend became a millionaire tomorrow, I would be happy for him. But if my other friend, who I view as a competition in some sense (we were competing with one another since young age, be it in gym or somewhere else) became millionaire tomorrow, I would definitely feel terrible inside.

Thank you guys for reading this and taking time to share your insights, maybe you have been battling a similar demon and have overcome it, any tips or reading references are welcome.