I've been seeing this plate for ~8 months. I have been seeing other girls during this time on and off, but she hasn't seen anyone other than me. I didn't believe her when she told me this recently, but I verified this by checking her phone.
She is really into me, tells me she loves me and wants my exclusive commitment. She ticks all of the boxes for me - submissive, kind, does things for me without question, works out, good looking. The problem is, I don't want to close off seeing other women.
So far, I have said that I like her and can see myself with her in future, but it takes time to decide these things. She knows that I will be seeing other girls still, and said that this upsets her, she obsesses over it, and that if I keep doing it for now she is going to have to 'detach' and have a break for a bit (although she also talked about things that she wants to do with me soon).
I think that I've done things well so far, and I have no doubt that she will come back to me quickly. I have a feeling that if I folded straight away and committed to her because she was upset, she would lose some respect. I think that if I ever do commit, it has to come from me, rather than doing it because I am afraid that she will leave.
My question is, what is the best way to keep this going until I can decide if I want to LTR her exclusively? I see potential in her but I'm not ready yet.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Exclusive relationship with non-exclusive sex.
Bulba 2y ago
Tell her she is your long-term girlfriend but you will have casual sex with other women. Say you just want to fuck them but you are not interested in a relationship with someone else. If your SMV is high enough most women will be ok with that.
"Detach" basically means she will start having casual sex with many guys until she finds someone with a SMV higher than you.
illusivepigeon 2y ago
I have said that I see potential for her as an LTR but I'd want to have sex with other women; that's when she said that me doing that hurts her and she needs to detach right now if I'm still seeing other people.
Maybe she is saying that as an attempt to get my exclusive sex, but will still accept it if I remain firm, I don't know at this point...
She still told me that she loves me etc after saying that she needs to detach. I do believe that she means it when she says that the thought of me with other girls hurts her and she obsesses over it, but I'm trying to work out if it's something that she will accept, or will never be happy with and will cause too many problems in future.
I don't think my SMV is the problem, I'm doing very well in most aspects.
Bulba 2y ago
If she is just a plate for you and your SMV is as high as you say it is, you should be able to replace her very quickly if she decides to look for another man.
Don't listen to what women say, watch what they do. If she stays, you fuck her, if she leaves, you find a new plate.
Pedal_Moonpower 2y ago
Your age range will help.
She would loose it coz you don't show your frame and she can manipulate you. Then you'd loose it for yourself too, little at the start then little by little eventually.
She is threatening that shell go fucking other guys by detaching unless she hinted she'll join nuns (if not fucking then looking for options, if.not threatening then hinting).
I'd go by Bulbs, she might have anxiety and think you want to move on.
I did it not so explicably and said, once other women topic surfaced. 'The thing you think I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. you're my girl and I'm not looking to.change it, like I'm not looking to.change what I want to do' You can repeat 'you're my girl' and give her hug and Peck on a forehead.
Don't go into more discussion about it.
Dont even nod to 'just use condoms' but ie slowly blink.for acknowledgement.
You're in.covert contract, don't uncover it.
illusivepigeon 2y ago
I can't avoid her directly asking if I fuck other girls though, if I give her an answer like that she would just press until she gets a straight answer?
Edit: I am 28, she is 24
Pedal_Moonpower 2y ago
Of.course she'll press. Your part is to be persistent and patient. This way if.you wont break, it means new nice pussy will not break you to 'fall in love ' in new place.
You wont be explaining that each time tho. Sometimes you just peck her on forehead, somwtimes youll say 'youre mine', sometimes ignore and do your stuff or engage her in shared activity.
All.depends on frequency and how nice she is.about it. If she shows agression, you can call it out and deny interaction altogether or vanish.
Covert contract dont uncover even if she spills boiling water over your crotch
illusivepigeon 2y ago
Thanks, makes sense.
We have already openly talked about this at this point though, so is it too late to go back to being 'covert'?
Pedal_Moonpower 2y ago
I would like to ask you for.honest evaluation in 6 months after anger phase, after eventual breakup.
I will have my acc removed but Ill bookmark topic.
Being not.covert anymore will.cost IMO more anxieties on her part because of.knowing. lets say you''ll become distracted with work,.she might assume its something else, expect more tests, so be even more patient. Stop sometimes and reconsider what is happening.
Please 2y ago
Well if you really have done well with her and she does love you like you say, it's probably just a shit-test to see if you'll break and change for her. In which case, you're right, she would lose some respect for you.
But, it seems you're doing alright and she obviously thinks highly of you seeing as she's ok with you hooking up with other women.