I have been in an LTR with a girl for over a year, though it has had its rocky moments. Namely because I have that gnawing feeling in the back of my mind that there are other girls out there and I could potentially be doing better. I have let her know I do like her and enjoy her company (I think she likes me more than I like her) but she is clawing for my unabashed commitment.
Other than that, she's usually quite good in that she does things for me, always following up on things I'm doing, comes over, sex is plentiful. She does however, get upset that I don't frequently compliment her (wants me to tell her she looks pretty, etc.) and other such comfort tests.
The other night we were texting and after a while I started giving short answers because I didn't have much else to say. I left her last message on read and she sends another saying "I'm always nice to you and interested but you don't seem to care, it's clear you're not interested, I want someone who is concerned about me and is interested in my life like everybody else". I replied with "well I hope you find what you're looking for". (Dunno if this was too harsh but I didn't want to feed into the sappy responses of 'no I really love you). She's now responded with "I don't understand, I want you and you tell me you like me but you don't seem interested in making any effort", etc.
Truthfully I feel like I'm being a dick saying that and ignoring her but I don't have much desire to put much effort into this. I feel guilty because she's a sweet girl and loves me but I'm just not as into it as she is (which I have told her).
Anyone want to analyse this a little and give some thoughts? Thanks.
hannulv 2y ago
Let your guard down a little and be honest with her. Tell her you find her attractive... she's great in bed...sweet... and you like hanging out with her... BUT you don't feel like you're ready to be too serious with anyone yet. Tell her you're afraid of giving her too many compliments and lovey talk because you don't want her to feel like your level of commitment is higher than it is and you don't want to lead her on. Tell her you understand if she needs to be with someone that is more committed, but you aren't there, and you don't think you will be soon. But you still enjoy her... want to hang out and be exclusive with her, etc.
FantasticMrFox 2y ago
When I ask if this is manipulative, I'm asking about her initial message and responses - like she is trying to get an emotional reaction out of me.
DarkDoomDoom 2y ago
i think it's natural for her to be manipulative like that, just tell her you like her from time to time, honestly she seems like a catch
FantasticMrFox 2y ago
Thanks for the response mate.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
It almost sounds like you view her as a plate. You could have made this exact post and replaced every mention of "LTR" with "plate" and I wouldn't have even really noticed there was a difference
You obviously have some commitment remorse, you think you could better (if your self-evaluation of your frame and SMV are accurate, you probably could to be honest)
That being said, if you treat your LTR like a plate she's gonna break like one.
I kind of did this to my first girlfriend. Started out as a FWB and she wanted committment. Gave it to her, relationship was rocky, lots of fights, but also lots of constant sex and submission. I always knew I could better and told her I didn't like her at all the same way she liked me. She hung around anyway and was obsessed
I felt like such an ass wipe and to be honest I probably was at the time doing that to her. I dumped her as amicably as possible. It destroyed her but she ended up dating a new guy 8 months later. She's now married to him after like 7 years of dating. He's an insecure simp but hey
That's my two cents, I've been in your shoes
FantasticMrFox 2y ago
Yep your situation sounds exactly like mine. SMV-wise I think I am but frame-wise there are definitely areas I need to work on - namely being secure in myself. Might be right though, maybe I treat her too much like a plate and not enough like LTR. Thanks for the response
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
No problem
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
like everybody else???
harsh, but shes beeing too demanding.
She is attracted to you partly BECAUSE of your indifference.
You weren't a dick.... she's trying to force you to behave differently. You're right to call her on it.
Read my blog article on "handllng the talk"
FantasticMrFox 2y ago
I think by everybody else, she meant: "I want it like everybody else", although could have meant "interested in me like everybody else", hah! She has made allusions in the past about other guys being interested in her, but she said she wasn't interested in them (see: beta).
Yep, I agree the indifference game does work, however as whytehorse said, too much might not be a good thing.
Is "the talk" this one on the reddit TRP? https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4n1hb9/the_talk_how_to_talk_back/
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
This one, ,also the one on my blog here
whytehorse2021 2y ago
This is why 100% alpha guys lose women. You have to throw out sprinkles of beta to keep them long term. The beta qualities are: parental investment, provisioning, and protection. The "interested in my life" stuff means you're not mate-guarding enough. The "don't seem interested in making any effort" stuff means you're not providing any attention/resources.
FantasticMrFox 2y ago
I will keep those translations in my memory bank/toolbox, thanks mate
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
Yup. Just a little. Like "Who are you talking to? Any guys slipping into your DMs?" and then BAM she's like "oooh he's mate-guarding me, he might be a Mr Right instead of Mr Right Now".
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