Why would an EX message me after I dumped her?
The story goes like this. She was complaining all the time. By the way, she wasn't like this before. When we started, for the first 2-3 years, she was quite good but later started complaining and before that I never used to care but later she asked me if I can emotionally support her during the issues and although I didn't cared her much, I started caring more than before. This kind of made me negative later on because I couldn't take all the negativity anymore. So there were fights and arguments and then later, I became like the old me who wouldn't really care anything.
The arguments were increasing. Her nephew died, her family had so many issues and she wanted to live with them all on a sudden. So I broke up with her. I messaged her after a week or so for a help(We are both same professionals) and it was nothing related to our relationship yet she started saying things like " I am over you" , "We are done" and "You treated me like a doormat" and so on. She was so rude so naturally she is not really rude although she complains a lot. So I basically said, I don't think we have to be rude to each other and we can be positive. When I said that, she even make fun of me calling me a millionaire and stating that I don't care the poor.
That night we talked a lot and I explained why we can break up being a bit positive. I usually would not have talked but her negativity, rudeness and meanness caught be off the guard. I couldn't believe its her. Also, I was drunk. Anyway, the next day I woke up and thought that I'd never contact this person like ever.
The next day, she messaged me asking me if I am fine and "We can be friends" and "Do you hate me" and "Do you have a grudge on me".
This doesn't make sense. Now funnily enough, my best friend also broke up the same and his girl acted the same. We don't know each other. Do girls do this all the time?
Why is she doing this?
unplugged69 2y ago
She's trying to regain frame, don't give her any validation especially since she was such a bitch and sounds a bit BPD.
Don't say anything, just block her everywhere. If you run into her in person be polite and normal but say you're busy and gotta go. Trust me you are better off.
P.S - If you break up with women they generally lose their shit and go through a ton of different emotions in a short span of time all in an attempt to regain frame and grab your attention. For example she could act like a total bitch, she could talk about old times and nice memories you shared together, try to friendzone you and turn you into an orbiter, she could love bomb you, she could offer kinky sex, and alternate between these states in the span of 2-3 days or even less. They are truly unstable creatures and the thing is you can't trust ANYTHING she says post breakup because she's just trying to control you and the situation. That's why the advice here is always to GHOST and never speak again. You're always better off building new relationships rather than attempting to salvage an old one which never works, trust me I've tried it many times with many different bitches in my bluepill days and it always goes the same, they are true NPCs.
BDATA 2y ago
I'd be honest, I was an asshole too but then again, I just reciprocated her negativity. When she was positive, I treated her well and we were pretty great.
I am not even replying much but I did reply that I am doing amazing when she repeatedly asked how am I. Anyway, I am following the 3:2 texting style.
If she could change this behavior, she was a nice person but many a times, she is negative and it only increased.
unplugged69 2y ago
Well Dark Triad does work on women, so being an asshole isn't a bad thing. The bad part is apologising for being an asshole, then they lose respect for you and think you are beta trying to be alpha which infuriates women.
Your call what to do since it's your life and your relationship, but in my opinion it's not a great idea to keep talking to her. What are you hoping to gain? Re-ignite the relationship? Become her orbiter friend who acts as an emotional tampon but never gets to fuck her? Try to plate her but over time fall into old habits of acting as her BF except chad also gets to fuck her every Saturday and you can't say shit because you're not exclusive anymore? Basically she has all the advantage if you keep contact and it's a waste of your time.
Don't get me wrong, plating her is a valid strategy, but you need very strong frame and a lot of guys can't pull it off. If you do it you have to treat her like a plate, not like a GF. The other danger is that she agrees to have sex, basically gets you to chase her and then stops talking to you because she got what she wanted which was to control the frame again. I honestly prefer to hard next but it's up to you really, I've tried it both ways and maybe you need to before you can learn what your preference is.
BDATA 2y ago
Thank you for your time(A man's most important resource)
I'll never ever become an orbiter. It's like ingrained into me. I'd rather die a virgin than be an orbiter.
I am wondering if I should make her a plate or not. She is probably HB 7 or may be 8 on a good day. She was really good at sex. She treated me amazingly well - cooks food for me when she gets time, fucks me well, treats me with respect. The only thing I hate about her is just that ONE DAY where she got really mean to me. That's the day, I asked her one help after I dumped her. She disrespected me but then again TRP teach us that what she says doesn't matter and what she does matters but either way, I don't liked it. It literally broke my image of her being a nice woman.
If she never had that quality, I'd never even think about it.
Bro if we want to plate, what'd be your strategy? She has sent a message like two days ago for which I haven't replied. I thought I'd reply only if she send may be 3 messages so that I can reply with 2. I don't want to text more than her anyway. It'd be better not to do anything, right?
She also called me some 5 or 6 times. I didn't call her back and that's when she messaged.
unplugged69 2y ago
No problem bro, I was in a bad situation once, very bad. The redpill saved me and I hope it can save others too.
To plate her you need to maintain frame, and then basically treat her like a plate. You're already in a good position because she's chasing you, so it's pretty easy. Text her and ask her to meet you at bar X on Friday 8pm for Drinks or whatever works for you. From now on try to only text for logistics, don't get into long conversations over text, don't validate her or tell her how you feel, basically treat her like a plate, like when you first met her.
At the venue do the same shit as with a plate, greet with hug or kiss, let her chill for a few minutes, then polarize the conversation, kino, eye contact, kiss her a bit and then withdraw and let her stew in that shit. Go to 2-3 more venues and be hot and cold, make her chase you, tease her, treat her like a snot nosed brat. Don't get into long conversations about your past or how you feel, if she does that say "boooooring" and tease her about it, then change the topic to something fun and inoffensive.
Once you treat her like this, like she's a stupid little girl you can tease, but also a peace of meat for you (kino) she will get wet. You know the rest, take her back to your place, fuck her like it's your last time, literally. Then once you are done tell her you got work to do and ask her to leave, no cuddling, no pillow talk.
She will text you afterwards, take a while to reply, then suggest another meetup and rinse and repeat.
Just remember she will break quicker than normal plates because she already has high expectations of you and when she sees you are not going to commit again then she will obviously find another chad. But you can keep this shit going for a while if you tease her right and give her vague responses, like a sliver of hope. Good luck and maybe report back to us in a bit and let us all know how it went.
BDATA 2y ago
Bro, I wanted to update you.
I think she texted me to regain frame like someone has mentioned here. I think I did the worst thing possible which is basically lying to test what she'd feel. I have no fucking reason to do this but this started with her asking me "I just called to know how do you feel now", I had frame at first but she triggered me by saying certain things like "This is God's decision" and so no. I lied that I am on drugs for no fucking reason. Acted like I forgot her completely and at that point, she was like "You are a strong man, you'll never have drugs and so on.
Then somehow I slipped into the BETA bowel and talked bullshit until morning but I couldn't get her back or make her a plate. I feel like a fucking bitch. The funny part is I am wealthier, better looking and more successful in every way possible but once we fall in love, it's just so hard. I wish I could talk like a robot. After reading and even making notes about TRP, I failed.
I know this is kind of embarrassing for me but I am keeping it here like it is because of one reason - someone else can learn from this.
Was it because I didn't know how to do? Not really. At that point, everything went a mess. Now, I think best option is no contact.
BDATA 2y ago
Thanks bro.
I have read this in TRP but it's always great when we can see a 3rd man perspective. Let me message once again and I'll initiate the move. I've already told her that I am not interested to keep on chatting in Whatsapp.
unplugged69 2y ago
Thanks for the update dude, that's why we normally recommend ghosting her. You should only plate if you have a strong frame and you're not suffering from oneitis.
You're right about what you say, you could be a total catch and she can start treating you like shit. There's no point in trying to understand a bitches psychology, just move on to the next one. It's always easier to build new relationships than it is to rescue old ones, for men that makes no sense but we live in a feminized world and that's how it is.
Here's the funny part, if you meet her again in 5-10 years and you see how she's aged like shit and you've aged like wine wine, you will laugh and think how silly it was you ever gave a shit about a worthless roastie. Trust me, it happened to me and it will happen to you.
BDATA 2y ago
Thank you dude.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
This is another example of too much alpha losing women. You gotta throw out some beta from time to time. You didn't meet her beta needs.The fights were comfort tests.
BDATA 2y ago
Actually, I lost control and fought back only when she started injecting me negativity again and again and even then, I never argued much. I left most of the time.